By MariaMaria #642 CM 3444 12/02

Dearest Family,

1. Isn't it interesting how sometimes the smallest choices we make have such a big effect on our life? Sometimes we might not see it until much later, other times maybe we won't see it clearly until we get to Heaven. But that's a point the Lord has repeatedly emphasized—the importance of those little decisions of yieldedness, obedience, willingness to do the humble thing, following through on what He's asked of us, making the choice to do the loving thing, etc., and how much these choices affect our spiritual strength, usefulness and future.

2. In this GN I want to share with you some messages that we've recently received from Timothy Concerned. Timothy worked with Dad and me when he was in his mid-twenties. That's the age that many of you SGAs are today. You probably think of him as being much older or more experienced, but he wasn't. It's important to understand that, as then you'll be better able to relate to the lessons he shares, realizing that his decisions were probably very much like the ones you're faced with every day.

3. Dad was training Timothy to do the job that Peter eventually came to do—to help us in administration and the leadership of the Family. Dad loved Timothy very much and took him in and worked closely with him, trying to train him and pass responsibility down to him. I loved Timothy too, and worked very closely with him for that period of time that he was with us. And the Lord blessed Timothy with a very great honor—besides the exceptional training that he was receiving from Dad and the opportunity to grow in responsibility—to be Techi's natural father.

4. Dad was very happy about my being pregnant with Techi. He had seen her several times in the spirit, she had come to him when he was sick, and he had been praying for the Lord to send her for some time. So when I became pregnant, Dad was very happy and excited. Dad was very welcoming to Timothy, and fully expected Timothy to be a part of Techi's life. Sadly, Timothy left us while I was pregnant with Techi, about two months before she was born. In a minute, I'll let Timothy explain to you what happened in his own words. About these lessons that Timothy shares, the Lord said:

Jesus:

5. This is a personal testimony of someone who had a very great opportunity, and through small decisions based in pride and unyieldedness, lost the opportunity I had placed before him. Timothy's testimony shows clearly the very sad results of unyieldedness.

6. It's not so different from the choices I ask all of My children to make today—choices to forsake their pride, or to fill a role that might not come so naturally to them, or to choose My will above their own.

7. Just as you see the sad results of wrong decisions‚ also remember the very great rewards given in return for decisions of yieldedness, faith and trust in Me‚ obedience, and putting My will above your own.

8. The rewards I have for My children will never grow old, will never fade or become dim. Even shame‚ contempt and remorse are eventually wiped away and forgotten‚ but the treasures, blessings, and rewards will be yours to enjoy forever. You will always be happy that you said yes to Me. You will always be thankful that you yielded and made the right choice. You will always be reminded of the fruit that was borne from those good, sound decisions. The benefits and rewards will be yours for eternity. (End of message from Jesus)

Timothy's Personal Testimony

Mama:

9. This first message was received when I asked the Lord to send Timothy to give a little recap of our working relationship and the events that led to him leaving. I could have explained it to you myself‚ but as you know, each person's perspective is different, and I thought hearing it from his perspective would be interesting for you.

Timothy:

10. It was Dad and Mama's faith in me that won me. They had so much faith in people. They had a deep love for each other‚ the Lord, and for the little people out on the street litnessing away. It was very convicting.

11. When I first came to join their staff, I'd been working with Rachel at the time. Those were the days of the Chain, and Dad was just discovering the abuses that had taken place under Jethro, Deborah, and others. He was brokenhearted to hear how the litnessers had to raise exorbitant amounts of funds, supposedly for "Dad who was sick" or "Dad who needed this or that," or whatever the various lines were that these leaders were using. He was furious at the leaders for their lack of love for the sheep. He had placed his trust in them, thinking they were caring for the sheep and feeding the sheep the Lord's Word, and then he found out they were shearing the sheep for everything they had and they weren't giving the full counsel of the Letters to the sheep.

12. That was the scene I arrived at when I joined the Folks' Home. It was a time of upheaval, when Dad proclaimed that people could operate according to their faith, forget about the Chain leaders, and use the Letters to lead them. In other words, he set them free to follow the Lord and His Word. He was pretty disgusted with his daughter Deborah and her husband, Jethro, and Isaiah, who was her lover*, not to mention those who had seen their behavior and had not reported it to him and Mama. *[See "Alexander, the Evil Magician‚" ML #666:20-24, 28-30, Vol.5.]

13. He kicked out all the Chain leaders and told the Family to operate according to their faith. Because I lived with Dad and Mama, I saw a side of them that few have the opportunity to see in person. I saw a couple who loved each other and who had a great love for the people who had chosen to serve the Lord with them—the lowly Family members on the field.

14. At that time, the Family was just beginning the FF ministry. They were also experiencing a lot more freedom, as many struck out on their own and most Homes were small. They were learning to operate according to their faith without a leader telling them what to do. They had to learn to be self-disciplined. It wasn't that they didn't have shepherds anymore, but often it was just a family or two together, so the leaders were usually one of the couples. It was a time in the Family when people had to start seeking the Lord more on their own. Unfortunately, many didn't follow through with this counsel from Dad of letting the Letters be the leaders, and were led by their own wisdom and desires rather than the Lord's Spirit and Dad's Letters.

15. Dad became quite discouraged, to the point of becoming sick—so sick he almost died. He got to the point that he wanted to give up. It was heartbreaking to me to see this man who had poured so much of his life into the Family be hurt so deeply by those he loved so much, especially those he worked closely with.

16. It was a time when people had a lot of personal freedom, and the lesson learned was that when man is given the choice, a lot of times he takes the wrong path—his own path, or the path of least resistance or commitment or dedication or obedience. Little did I know at that particular time that I'd end up in the same boat with all those people who chose their way over the Lord's way.

17. Dad was a no-nonsense man. He loved the Lord. He loved lost souls. He was sold out to the cause. He knew the End was coming. He wanted to do the job the Lord had given him of training all these young people—a lot of former hippies, misfits, and unsatisfied youth. He was loyal to Jesus, and he believed that if you were in the Family‚ you should be loyal to Jesus too. Otherwise, why even bother? And loyalty meant 100% do or die for Jesus—that was the price you should be willing to pay.

18. When I think of Dad and how he lived‚ the verse from the Bible where Jesus said, "Not My will, but Thine be done" comes to me. Dad lived that verse, and he expected all of us to live it‚ and when we didn't‚ he was disappointed. He was a true visionary and leader for the cause of Christ. That was the Dad I knew! He was great at pumping people for their ideas, comments, suggestions, taking them into the discussion, and praying about how to change whatever needed to be changed.

19. Dad made a big impression on my life. In the end‚ he was the one I let down the most, along with the Lord‚ of course, and Mama. Dad was looking to me to take up the challenge of being Mama's helper and assistant, what he called the queen's consort. I ended up "consorting" with the wrong queen, Queen Rachel‚ who forsook her crown. When I look back now, it's all so clear. Then, it was a different story.

20. One thing that many male leaders in the Family had difficulty with at the time I joined was subjection to women's spiritual anointing. It was a day when women leaders weren't all that prevalent in the world. Dad was one for equality in Christ. "There is neither male nor female in Christ Jesus," as the Bible teaches. That was a hard saying for a lot of men who had been raised in the System with a different mindset.

21. Granted, the hippie era was a time when change was brought about in that area. And although some of us who joined the Family didn't mind the freedoms of the era we had come out of—the free love, the drugs, and so on—when it came to equality between men and women, a lot of us had some System hang-ups that we brought with us.—Along with something else that got in our way and brought many a man to his downfall as far as being used by the Lord—pride!

22. I loved Mama. I got along well with her. She was easy to work with. She was a very hard worker. She was dedicated to Dad and loved him very much. I'd never met a woman like Mama in my earthly life. She loved Dad so much, and respected the spiritual anointing he had. She was a tremendous strength to him, encouragement, and had a lot of faith in him, his calling, and his ability to do the job the Lord had asked of him. She truly was, and still is, an amazing woman!

23. I say that because I saw from living and working with her that she knew more than any one of us the importance of God's plan and His will that Dad fulfill his calling. She knew Dad was God's anointed prophet and she was not going to let one word fall to the ground. She was a faithful scribe‚ and not only that, she cared for Dad and believed what the Lord said through him and applied those words. Her faith was manifested through action and obedience. Yet she had understanding and mercy for those of us who struggled with our weaknesses in our service to the Lord. It's not that Dad didn't have mercy—he was incredible! He could sock it to you for your lack of prayer or obedience and love, and afterwards it was like he didn't remember what it was you'd done wrong.

24. I liked working with Mama and we worked well together, I would say. The struggle I had was that Mama was my overseer, and I wanted to be my own boss. Actually, women had a lot of influence over me, but I liked the kind of woman who appealed to my pride. The Bible explains it as those who favor the opinions of man. That can be opinions of men or women, whichever, but opinions that minister to lifting one up and being held in favor of others. It's basically taking the honor due the Lord and giving it to yourself.

25. Mama always honored the Lord and lifted Him up. She lived for Him. She loved Him. It's not that she didn't love me or appreciate me, it's just that I wasn't in first place in her life—the Lord was, and then Dad.

26. I got attention from Rachel, and Deborah (Cornia), my wife, that ministered to me, to my pride, and not the Lord. I got tripped off in wanting to pursue my personal interests and not the interests of the Lord. Things got imbalanced, and because I didn't keep the Lord in proper perspective in my life, in first place, as He asks us and demands of us—that we love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, and all of our minds, and all of our souls—I got off track.—So far off track the Lord couldn't use me anymore for the job He'd called me to do.

27. When Mama became pregnant with Techi, she was very concerned about Dad. Dad was so enthusiastic and wanted her to have a baby, but she was concerned about the fact that it might be difficult for him. Dad was a spiritual man and he looked at things spiritually. He believed Mama was going to have a girl, Techi, who he had seen in a vision and received a message from. He was excited about it.

28. Mama was concerned about the fact there would be two fathers in the same house--me, the flesh father, and Dad, who would be the spiritual father. She was looking at it on the practical side, and she knew that even though Dad saw it from a spiritual viewpoint, he was still a man and not above the trials or tests any man would be faced with if his young wife were to become pregnant with another man's child—not to mention a man younger than he was, or a man the same age as his wife.

29. She was greatly concerned for Dad. But she trusted the Lord about pregnancy, as Dad and she discussed and prayed about it, and when she ended up pregnant after sharing with me, Dad was very happy. It took her a while to be comforted and assured things would work out fine. The sad thing is, that's the time when I started straying from the Lord, becoming more interested in worldly input and reading System books than in faithfully taking time with the Lord reading the Word or praying.

30. I was traveling on Family business and visiting Rachel and my wife and children at the time. That's when I started going my own way. I became interested in pursuing my own interests‚ satisfying my own interests, and feeding my own interests.

31. To be more specific‚ I was with Rachel and she was very accommodating as far as the "pride of life, the lust of the flesh, and lust of the eye" were concerned. She wasn't into doing the humble thing‚ as you talk about nowadays. She wanted to be noticed. She didn't want to appear unrefined or uneducated, and neither did I. She pampered my pride and I loved it. I didn't see it as that at the time. I didn't even realize it was that. I enjoyed what was happening and thought since it was enjoyable, no problem.

32. It was the subtlety of these pleasures that was my demise. I wasn't blatantly indulging in what I considered to be unfruitful or ungodly input. I liked going to museums, seeing the beautiful sights of Italy, being among the jet set and conversing with them, reading System books and so on. Now, none of these things on their own‚ and in moderation and with the approval of the Lord‚ will lead you astray. It's when it becomes what you hunger after‚ what you desire‚ what you look forward to and what you start doing on a regular basis that leads you into difficulty.

33. Some of what I was doing was going against Scripture, against the admonition to "come out from among them and be separate and touch not the unclean thing." Only I didn't see these things as "unclean." They seemed pretty harmless to me. It's the subtlety of the Enemy's devices that work on you—the little here and the little there, mixed with little or no connection with the Lord's Word and prayer, which proved spiritually unfruitful and eventually fatal in my case.

34. You can't do what I did and pursue and satisfy the Lord's interests. When you're called to serve the Lord as a fulltime disciple, it's a spiritual principle that whatever you choose to spend your time doing the most, that's what you will become. The amount of time you devote to reading, viewing, or pleasure affects you. So if you're not devoting that time to the Lord that is His due, you won't have the strength‚ conviction or faith you need to do the Lord's work.

35. I chose to seek my own way, and after a while, it became evident I wasn't doing my job for the Lord or the Family. I was given a decision to make—to choose the Lord and His service or my own way. I regret to say I chose my way, left the Folks, and ended up living an empty life that didn't amount to much. I died of cancer in 1991. It's a sad ending to a life that could have been a different story.

36. I'm in Heaven now and I have met Dad. I've even been able to work with him again, having learned a few lessons I missed on Earth. I'm still learning. I also still have the knowledge that I forsook the job the Lord called me to do on Earth, for my own way and will.

37. You can't imagine how the knowledge of failing the Lord makes me feel ashamed. It's something I have to face each time I meet one of our Family members, when I see Dad, and when I'm with the Lord. It's a strange kind of experience. I'm very happy here, and there is joy unspeakable, but the knowledge of what I did is ever with me. It's hard to explain.

38. If I could have the opportunity to tell anyone interested in hearing from me what I would most want to say, I'd say this: If you want to be truly successful and be able to partake of the greatest joy, freedom, and fulfillment, choose God's will for you, not your own. It's in denying yourself and following Jesus that you bring forth the most fruit possible—fruit that remains‚ a life that benefits more people than you can possibly imagine‚ and an eternal legacy that will follow you and be a testimony that there's no better way to go than God's way.

How Relevant Are Timothy's Lessons to Life Today?

39. Some of you young people may feel that my story is pretty irrelevant to your life today. You didn't know me, and you may not have even heard much about me. The Letters written about me are pretty old‚ and chances are you've never read them. That's okay. I don't take it personally. There's tons to keep up with, and I don't blame you for not wanting to go back into what amounts to "ancient history" to read up on me. And it's not even necessary.

40. The details of what I did aren't important, because the details are different today. Wow‚ almost everything is different! The Family is at a different point of growth, the world is a completely "new animal," the Word is produced so much more abundantly and in different ways. There is so much that's different that I don't want to imply that your situation is "exactly" like mine was or that I know "exactly" what you're thinking. I don't. But I do feel the spiritual principles still apply today, and even someone who is from the past and who would be so much older than you if I were alive today‚ like me, can still have something to say that might help, a little anyway.

41. As I said, I was about the same age as many of you older SGAs when I left the Family. Now that I look back on it, I can see that that decision didn't happen overnight. It wasn't like I made one wrong decision that took me out of God's will. The Lord and Dad and Mama were very patient with me. They really tried to help me. I loved them and respected them in the Lord, but there were some problems going on inside my head and heart that prevented them from being able to get through to me. Maybe some of what I felt is how you feel today. Even though so much was different then‚ the spiritual battle was similar, although we know from what the Lord has revealed over the years that the spiritual battle that you are fighting today is more intense.

42. Thank God you have better weapons than I had! Without those‚ you wouldn't stand a chance. But the fact that you have those weapons puts us both on a level playing field. I probably wasn't hit as hard by the Enemy as you are, but then again, I didn't have the keys, I didn't have an exercised gift of prophecy‚ and I didn't know about loving the Lord intimately. Hopefully, with all that at your disposal, you'll turn out better than I did, and you'll give the Devil a good butt whipping!

More Detail on What Went Wrong

43. What I wanted to tell you was that I blew it by trying to be in two worlds at once. I loved the Lord and Dad. I loved the Family. But one of my big problems was that there were some things I didn't want to give up. God asked me to forsake all, and though I tried, I didn't make it. The main reason is because I didn't burn my bridges. That's an old expression, but the meaning is obvious—I didn't make it impossible to go back to the past.

44. While I did want God's will, and I was trying to be obedient and make commitments to change, I still held on to some ties to the past, the Chain way of looking at things, and my relationship with Rachel, which the Lord was asking me to forsake, along with ties to many old-timers in the Family who were considerably off the track at this time. The Chain operated very much in the arm of the flesh, disregarding the Letters or using them to enforce the "letter of the law" instead of operating according to the Spirit. Dad was trying to pull us away from that and get us to let the Letters be the leaders.

45. Rachel had gotten tripped off in a relationship with one of her "fish," and the "deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this life" had pulled her away from obeying the Word. Outwardly, it wasn't so obvious. Neither of us discerned at the time that we were on that broad way that leads to destruction.

46. That's what happens when you reject the truth: You receive strong delusion and end up believing a lie. We had what we considered legitimate, logical reasons for what amounted to not following the Word nor obeying its counsel. I entertained thoughts of what I'd do if things didn't work out for me at Dad's house. All this amounted to one word that brings about spiritual defeat: compromise.

47. I was trying to keep one foot in Dad's house and one foot in the world—"the world" that was available to me. Those ties were subtle—as I said, they looked logical and reasonable—but they were enough to undo my ties to Dad and the Word and bring about my downfall.

48. You know the story. You know what it's like when the Lord puts a challenge before you, asking you to make some kind of big change in your life. Obviously for you there has been the S2K, then the "Conviction versus Compromise" Letters, and most recently the Feast 2003. Those are pretty heavy challenges‚ and I don't know what kind of impact they had on you. Possibly you had a big turnaround‚ and if so‚ that's great. And if so‚ you're probably not the person I'm talking to.

49. But what about you who thought those Letters were too extreme? Are you sort of waiting to see how things develop, what happens next? Have you been reading the Letters and thinking things like, "Yeah, well, I'll do that later. I have plenty of time. It's kind of ridiculous to expect us to make those sacrifices now because it's definitely not the Endtime. My friends are doing okay‚ and even some of them in the System are doing great, so what's the big deal?"

50. And what about the ex-member site? Have you been chatting there with your old friends? You probably figure that, too, is no big deal, and you're just keeping in touch. Maybe you think it's not important for you to have conviction with those guys because they're out in the System and they wouldn't believe you anyway, or they wouldn't be changed. You just want to keep being their friend, and that doesn't mean you don't like the Family, right?

51. Well, I know that line. I felt something similar. Not that there was an ex-member site or even an Internet back in my day, for that matter. But the lines, the excuses, the justifications were the same. I thought my mindset was pretty reasonable, too. I wanted to be "tolerant" and "open–minded." I thought Dad had been too hard on people‚ and I thought I'd sort of do a little PR on the side, showing myself to be able to relate to people and keep them as friends—at least that's what I thought.

52. The position I took seemed logical and good to me. I honestly didn't think it was wrong. In fact, I thought Dad was wrong. I didn't really see the point of causing such upheaval in the Family, as it seemed so counterproductive. So I was just going to do a little fixing of it on the side.

53. Man, was I deceived! I was so ignorant. I didn't see it at the time, obviously. I thought I was doing the right thing, as many of you do. I know your motives might be pretty good, and you're trying to "love people," and definitely you place a lot of value on being open–minded. That sounds good. There's only one real downside to it, which I didn't see until it was too late. (See also ML #3322:80-99, GN 925.)

54. That mentality, that spiritual stand, that way of living leads to some pretty dangerous compromises. Because it looks like love and understanding, or tolerance and open-mindedness, it's hard to see the danger to your spiritual life, how these seemingly logical and necessary compromises affect you and drag you down. That's what happened to me. I honestly thought I was moving the Family forward, doing the right thing. I thought eventually Dad would "come around" and then he'd even thank me for being intuitive and keeping my friends in touch and friendly.

55. The sad thing is, it doesn't work that way. Dad didn't "come around," because he was right. I didn't save the day. I didn't help to keep anyone as a friend in the long run. The truth of the matter is, I was wrong, I made some bad decisions, and I had a lot of pride. It's pitiful.

56. Of course, I sort of felt that something wasn't totally right at the time. I knew I was going against Dad's counsel. I can remember a few times when I consciously made decisions that were contrary to what Dad told me. There was something inside me that made it almost impossible to yield to what Dad was saying.

57. You know that feeling, I suppose, when you're under conviction and you feel kind of sick. You know God is speaking to you, but there's a hefty price attached to what He's asking you to do. There's some kind of change necessary or you'll have to give up something, and it's making you sick. The longer you wait and toy with the idea of not obeying, the longer you consider other alternatives, the more uncomfortable you get. It's a gross feeling, like a weight on your chest; it makes you feel dirty and you know there's something wrong.

58. No one can bear that for long; it's too much of a bummer. So you're eventually forced to make a choice. You can't just hang in the balances. If you've thought a lot about it and made up a counter scenario in your mind to the one God is offering you, then that other alternative begins to not look too bad. If you choose your "other way" instead of whatever God is telling you through the Word, then that's a bad decision.

59. But of course, God won't smack you down for one bad decision. He's patient, He'll give you another chance. In fact, He'll probably give you many chances. But what happens—and this is the trap that you don't see at the time‚ or at least I didn't—is that the next time you have some plan other than what God says, it's much easier to choose that one. You get a little numb after a while. I did. Pretty soon, it doesn't take much time at all before you can easily convince yourself of the validity of your plan over God's.

60. The conviction really wanes and you don't feel it nearly as much. You don't get that sick feeling in your stomach, that guilty feeling from knowing you're making the Lord sad or not living up to what you know to be the truth. Pretty soon, you're fairly convinced that how much you obey God's Word is a matter of personal choice, that there are many "good" options and it's just a matter of each person going according to his own faith. By the time you reach that stage, it's pretty hard to get through to you; your convictions are so watered down by that point that you can't feel the Lord's tug. At that point, you're in trouble. Believe me‚ I know.

61. I didn't realize it at the time, but what drove me to reject Dad's counsel and way of seeing things was that I still had a love for the world. Oh, there's that word again … the big bad "world." That's a Biblical term, as you know‚ and it can be many things. In my case it was mostly putting my image before others instead of being God's image to others. I just couldn't bring myself to look so "revolutionary" in front of my friends and lovers, those I'd hung out with. I had a certain reputation, I had a lot of contacts‚ I looked a certain way—and I liked all that. I was pretty smart, but not as smart as I wanted to be, so I was trying to be more intellectual, more "cultured." I liked that too. I had developed sort of a self-improvement plan, one that I thought made me more attractive, and I had convinced myself that I'd be a better Family member if I could relate more to others or "become one" more.

62. Many of my decisions were rooted in pride. I know pride is a very general term‚ and you've read plenty about how bad it is. Dad and Mama have preached the dangers of pride for years and years. You're probably sick of hearing it. I didn't understand it nearly as well as you do, because we didn't have so much counsel on it. But I knew enough‚ if I had been honest with myself, to know that the mentality I was taking on, the decisions I was making (even the ones I wasn't fully aware of myself)‚ the priorities I accepted, were contrary to the Bible. I was no longer dropped out, not really. I was no longer not a friend of the world. I was no longer separate. I had somehow forged a new religion within my mind where I honestly hoped I could live between the two worlds. Ha! It's pretty ridiculous when I look back‚ but at the time it seemed reasonable.

63. My problem was that I didn't want to give up some things. I liked my image, my friends, my little quest for worldly wisdom, and my "open-mindedness." I liked not having to give up those who weren't really with us anymore. I liked thinking I could still be their friend and hang out and keep up communications, even if it meant a bit of compromise here and there. I didn't have to be as extreme as Dad, or at least so I thought.

64. It really bugged me that Dad was blowing people away. I thought it was unwise and unnecessary. I wanted things to be more "normal." Can you relate to that? Yeah, well, as Dad taught from the beginning, there are no neutrals. You can't really be a friend of the world and a friend of God.

65. There were choices that Dad (and the Lord through him) put before me. Dad knew I was a really proud man. Mama knew too. They tried to help me. I was sort of a salvage case. They were trying to salvage me for the Lord. Dad talked to me about my inordinate respect for System wisdom, books, supposed great masters, etc. You might have read that in "Teaching Great Masters" (ML #996, Vol.8). It's not that those things are evil in themselves, but I had too much of them in my life if I was to be a disciple. You can't be a true man of God, powerful in the spirit and focused on your calling, if you're wasting time sucking up to the System, as if the System has all the answers.

66. I enjoyed reading books. The Word was fine, yes, but I resented the fact that Dad and Mama were so "narrow-minded‚" in my opinion. I had read many enlightening books, at least I found them so at the time. It really rubbed me the wrong way that Dad and Mama were so "simple." Dad was an extremely intelligent man, and I related to him quite well along that line, but he never went out of his way to impress people or to do things that would minister to his pride or image or reputation, and because he was so unpretentious, it made me embarrassed to be with him in public. His main interest was witnessing and being true to the message. It bothered me, because I thought if he'd act and look more like executives or leaders in the world, the Family could go a lot further in being accepted on a larger scale.

67. I didn't like to be seen with him and Mama. I'm sorry to have to say all this, but that's how I felt. They dressed so simply. They were so plain, so simple. They were openly different from people of the world, and I didn't like that. I didn't want to have to be different. And I didn't like it when people thought I was or when it looked like I was. In my heart I started to step away from them and their lifestyle, and my actions eventually followed. Dad was always praising the Lord, "The Lord did this, and the Lord did that." And Mama was always "amening" him. To me, because of the way I was accustomed to living‚ having been in the Chain‚ they were "square." In your modern terminology, you would probably say they were just "so uncool."

68. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be admired. Why did people have to look down on us and why did we always have to be the ones in the limelight as "fanatical‚" and "the sex cult"? Dad and Mama certainly weren't "cool," and they weren't admired for their beliefs by the mainstream. They didn't conform to the System when it came to issues of our faith. They were obviously "different" because our beliefs were obviously different, and it made me uncomfortable. I began thinking that the way Dad and Mama were wasn't the way to be.

69. All those "thoughts" left the door wide open for the Enemy to come in full force with his lies and delusions. It was my pride—my desire to look good‚ be accepted, be respected, admired, whatever you want to call it. It was pride. But I never thought it was my pride. Never. Not once.

70. I thought I was being open-minded. I wanted to know both sides of the story. And I studied both sides of the story. Words, words, words. Are they powerful! You'll never quite grasp their power until you're on this side and you behold with your eyes the spiritual power behind "words," both written and spoken.

71. If you could see how words appear in the spirit and the spiritual forces behind them‚ you'd be shocked! I've been given permission to give you a glimpse of both sides of the spiritual spectrum when it comes to words. I won't be able to adequately explain it, but I will convey it to the best of my ability.

72. If you could "see" the spiritual force behind the words you take in when you read God's Word, you would see light so bright and powerful it would blind you, with power so great not a single earthly force could measure up to it! When you receive the Word of God, it comes in with such peace, flowing‚ and filling your spirit and bringing warmth. You become one with this light and power, yet you don't necessarily "feel" anything like this when you read the Word. You do sometimes experience a measure of this light and power when the word "speaks" to your heart, or something "jumps" off the page that you read, or all of a sudden you experience an answer to a question of your heart. These are just infinitesimally minuscule manifestations of what is taking place in your heart and spirit and in the spirit world.

73. You are also often affected by opposing forces of the Enemy that do all they can to negate this process of empowerment and stop this spiritual enlightenment from taking place. Thus you sometimes feel tired when you read the Word, bored, or disinterested. Your mind tends to wander, you think of other things, and there are a multitude of other distractions that can minimize the full force of the Lord's Word in your spirit.

74. When you read anything other than the Lord's Word, either because you desire to or for work purposes, in the spirit you are in a blanket of darkness. Some of what you read may have a measure of light in it. Some of the words you read seep off the printed page or computer screen or whatever avenue you are reading from, and it's like a vapor that twists and turns and rises, going up, up, up to your eyes, and then disappears into your spirit. It travels to your heart, where it is discerned by your spirit. You either absorb the good and eschew the evil, or you see the evil and do not eschew it, but allow it to enter. That's when the light that is within you starts to become darkness. And as Jesus said, if the light within you be darkness, how great is that darkness!

75. I deliberately chose to let those vaporous words of worldly knowledge in to "improve" myself. I didn't believe what Dad said in the Letter, "You Are What You Read." The principles were fine, but in my mind I thought, "That's not the case all the time." That little thought got me off the track. It was logical to me. I compromised and I paid the price.

A Time of Decision

76. After I'd been with Dad and Mama for a year‚ Dad asked me to sign a Letter he was sending to Rachel ("The Nebuchadnezzar Revelation," ML #763, Vol.6), when she was having serious problems and was on the verge of leaving both her ministry and Emanuele. Signing it would mean I was declaring my loyalty to him and Mama rather than Rachel, and that I didn't agree with what she was doing. [See ML #778, Vol.6.] In the end, I refused to sign it, out of misplaced loyalties. I'm sure Dad was concerned about me by that time. But he kept loving me and trying to help me.

77. I was vacillating. That second time around [when I did sign the letter], I was a man convinced against my will, so I was of the same opinion still. I was double-minded at this stage of my life. I had chosen my will over the Lord's will, which was being asked of me through Dad. We didn't use prayer and prophecy as often as you do now. Nevertheless, I had the spiritual weapons I needed to do the job at the time.

78. I did agree with Dad when he gave me the ultimatum, but by then I had already compromised in my heart and was on my way out, as you see by my departure soon after that incident, which is documented in the Letters. I wasn't getting in the Word at that point, so I would have my moments of truth, only to be sucked into the darkness again because my foundation wasn't built on the Rock, on the Word.

79. It doesn't take long to be confused in heart and spirit when you're disconnected from the truth, from the Word. That's the scary part that some people don't seem to realize. They think, "Oh, I have the Word in my heart. I've memorized all these verses." If you don't keep the Word alive‚ if you don't use the Word and live the Word‚ you'll lose it‚ especially if you're taking in all the pleasures of the world. So that's a little bit more of the background of the state I was in.

80. I hope this is helpful to drive home the need for the Word Revolution. The Endtime will be a test for many. There will be those who fall‚ not having obeyed. There will be a great dearth of Word in the land‚ and all those who have obeyed in asking the Lord everything, exercising their gift of prophecy; those who were faithful to review and memorize, to read the written Word, to study to show themselves approved before God, will be thankful in that day. They will be as the wise virgins, but it will still be rough and even they will miss not having the abundance of  Word that is so readily available today.

81. Back to the problems I had with the Word. It's a dangerous sign when you can't stand up for the truth, when you won't admit that you believe the Word. That's the beginning of the end. Things go downhill fast after that. At least that's what happened to me. I'm sure it really disappointed the Lord and Dad, and after that, something changed inside me.

82. Instead of battling to make the right decision, I had made the wrong decision‚ and then I scrambled to justify it, even if only in my mind. That opened the door to a lot of justifications and lies from the Enemy—compromises, really. I was just trying to make myself feel better. But when that happens, it's not too long before you have no conviction left, because those justifications are never Word-based, or even if they seem to be, they're just twisted interpretations of the Bible or the Letters.

83. After a while you don't hear the Lord's voice so clearly, and eventually you've gone so far back in your mind, with one wrong decision after another, that it's almost impossible to turn around. You've built such a vivid‚ detailed, logical explanation and justification in your mind for your decisions that you're a slave to it. You're in bondage to it; you feel you've gone so far that you just have to keep going.

84. I've had plenty of time to think about where I went wrong. It's not that from one day to the next I decided I'd leave the Family. It was gradual. My conscience became dull and I created a false reality for myself. I think this happened as a result of a combination of things. It's not just one decision, but it's many, and together they eventually change the direction you're going; in fact, they change you. You become a different person, because you are the sum total of your decisions, your convictions‚ your character, your integrity, your love for God and your hatred of the world.

85. I wouldn't let go. That was my problem. That's where I went wrong. I wouldn't let go of my image, my desire for knowledge and so-called culture, my "open-mindedness," my friends. Dad tried to tell me, the Lord tried to tell me, the Word warned me, but I loved these things. At the end of the day, I loved these things more than God, more than Dad and Mama, more than the Family. It came down to love of self, I suppose. That's how I define pride.

86. There was a period of time when the Lord was trying desperately to get me to drop out of the System again, to distance myself from the world, to be separate from my compromised friends, Rachel and her crowd‚ and some of those I had met while FFing. He was calling over and over again‚ waiting to see if I'd stand with the Word‚ with Dad and Mama. He gave me quite a few chances. But over and over I kept holding on to pride, image, reputation, friends. It seems so crazy now, but at the time the spiritual battle was extreme. The argument in my mind was screaming at me. And oh‚ that sick feeling in my stomach when I'd harden my heart to the Lord's prodding.

87. Does any of this sound familiar to you? As I said, I know things are different for you and life is much more complicated in the Family today. Your choices are probably less clear-cut, and the blessings or judgments for right or wrong decisions are not so evident‚ at least not immediately. But I can't help but believe that some of you are feeling a lot like I did inside. You have friends who have left, some of you have lovers who have left. You don't want to cut them off‚ you don't want to be extreme; in fact, maybe your motives are to try to love them back into the Family. Maybe you want to prove that you can be a worldly-wise missionary, that you can be educated in the ways of the world and still serve God wholeheartedly. And possibly you think it's not really necessary to take a stand for all that radical stuff being published, the Letters that are causing quite a bit of uproar in the Family. I thought Dad was extreme with the RNR. Maybe you think Mama is extreme in some things too—the CvsC series‚ for example? Not having System jobs maybe? Not pursuing higher education? Not reading the writings of your apostates?

88. What is it in the Word today that's stuck in your craw? What's bothering you? In what ways do you think you know better than Mama and Peter? How do you think you're going to "improve" the Family by being more mainstream, more normal? Are you holding on to your image, your reputation? How are you a friend of the world? What have you said no to?

89. Take it from me, these are important decisions. It takes a while before you see the full ramifications of compromise, of putting your own pride, image or friends before the Lord. But it comes back to you, eventually.

90. Many of you are at the same place I was years ago. You're hanging in the balances. You still hear the Lord's voice of conviction. You still have a sick feeling in your stomach at the thought of saying no to the Lord. But you have taken exception to the Word. You're thinking some bad things about Mama and Peter. You think they've made some mistakes, that they're too extreme‚ that they aren't seeing everything right. You're wondering how to be friends with those who are no longer with you, because you don't want to be seen as weird or brainwashed or a robot, controlled by prophecy and "weird stuff" like being Jesus' bride, being in subjection to leadership, living by rules, etc. You don't want to be a beggar; you don't want to be poor.

91. I can't tell you what to do. No one can. I don't know how far you've gone in your mind battle of God against the Devil, the truth against your pride. I'm not God; I don't know what you're thinking or the times you've said no to God. But I do know that if you're reading this, then there's still time to make the right decision. If you're still in the Family, at least enough that you're getting the GNs and reading them, then it's not too late for you to really look at your life and make the right choices.

92. No matter how far you've gone, no matter what bad things you've said against the Lord or the Word or Mama and Peter, no matter how much you think you hate life in the Family, if you call out to Jesus He can make everything right. If you think your life is crap and you feel you can't go on, believe me, leaving is not the answer. Holding on to your pride and reputation is not the answer. Clinging to your friends who are living in the System is not the answer. All that becomes dust that just slips through your fingers and you're left with nothing.

93. I know how difficult it is to not care about your image or reputation. I know how hard it is to stand up for the Word, which can seem so weird or extreme sometimes. I know how hard it is to turn around when you've been justifying your actions for a while. I know how afraid you can be. It's so hard. Too hard, in fact, for carnal man. You can't do it. You can't forsake all. You can't be humble. You can't forsake your pride and confess your sins. You can't be a missionary. You can't be separate from the world. You can't give up those things you like so much. You can't do any of that. Only God can. But that's the key. He can!

94. You don't know me and I don't know you. But take it from someone who's been there, done that. Turning your back on the Lord and the truth is a hellish way to live. Compromising for gain, to keep your friends, or to make money, will come back to you as empty pipe dreams. Not standing up for the truth or the Letters, thinking you'll have more effect by being the friend of those outside the Family, even those who fight the Family, will only hurt you. You won't change anyone that way.

95. That's all I have to say. You can take it or leave it. No one can force you to choose God's way. That's between you and God. You might think this message is hype, or the figment of someone's imagination, or some kind of mental coercion. You can think that if you want to, but I'm telling you‚ this is God's love for you. He's allowing a poor failure like me to come back and try to show you what's happening to you. I know the road you're taking. I'm really sorry that I failed to live up to the truth I had been given.

96. God damn pride, reputation, compromise, higher education, image—these will all lead you to hell. Not the real Hell, the damnation of Hell, but the hell of failure, the hell of turning your back on the Lord‚ the hell of not living up to your calling. Take my word for it‚ it's not worth it! (End of message from Timothy.)

Still Learning…

Mama:

97. Timothy has said many times in the messages that we've received from him that he is still learning and still going through his heavenly "rehabilitation" time. Here's another message we received from him very recently that explains more about what he's doing now and what he has gone through since arriving in Heaven.

Timothy:

98. I'm still learning lessons. I've been in Heaven for a while now, but I'm still receiving training. There's a lot happening with those of us who have gone to be with the Lord, who were former members of the Family. Some of us are being re-educated, learning the lessons we should have learned on Earth. Some of us have learned and are taking part in the training for what the Family is going to be experiencing soon. We know of the coming persecution, of world events, the decisions governments are making, and the steps the Antichrist is taking.

99. We've had Family training, and the Lord is calling us to assist Him on behalf of our brethren in the spiritual warfare that is taking place. Some of us will be helping those in need on an individual basis. There will be times that a team of us will be required to assist you in the spirit for a particular situation you're facing. I visit and help, but I'm still learning lessons of submission and yieldedness. I still have to pass certain grades that I didn't pass on Earth. I'm progressing.

100. I love you, Mama. I miss you. I'm sorry for failing you and Dad, for leaning to my own understanding and forsaking the Lord and His Words for the words of man and the world. I knew I had made a mistake before the Lord took me Home. It took a while to admit it to myself‚ but I knew. I didn't publicly admit it due to my pride.

101. I'd like to make that a public statement to the Family: I was wrong. I followed the ways of the world and my own ways. I confess that I spoke unlovingly of you and Dad, and that I lied about you‚ twisting the truth and leading others to believe what wasn't the truth concerning my situation and our life together. I disappointed Dad and I hurt him. But I've apologized to him, and he's forgiven me. You know Dad—he forgives and forgets!

102. I'm given opportunities to grow in humility. Now that I "know," it's easier to receive and believe. It's also sad‚ because I could have believed by faith‚ obeyed, and received a greater reward.

103. Please forgive me for making it difficult for you and Dad. On the bright side, you've got Peter, a better man than me. The Bible says we should esteem others better than ourselves. And I do esteem Peter better than myself‚ because he is. I had the opportunity and I chose my own way.

104. The love of Jesus will go to any height and depth to give His children an opportunity of rescue. He did for me, but pride held me back. It's such a gripping force in our spirit when we yield to pride, and such a force of rebellion against God. Lucifer fell over that, not wishing to confess his fault, that he might be cleansed and forgiven. Such is the stupidity of pride. Pride chooses to remain the same and not accept the Spirit, but to stand unbowed before God, even though offered forgiveness and the assurance that all would be erased and cleansed, and the promise that you may become a new creature.

105. The weight of my rejection of the Lord's leading in my life while on Earth is a driving force for me giving this warning. I hope others will heed it and turn from their wicked ways, or be warned of what will happen if they choose the "wicked way," like it says in Ezekiel.

106. When you open the door of the spirit and ask for those of us who have passed on to speak, the Lord not only answers your questions, but in some instances, people like me who failed on a large scale in their calling for the Lord are given an opportunity to seek forgiveness of those we have wronged, and to implore others to heed the words we share with them from the lessons we have learned, that they may benefit and be spared from traveling the path we did and making the wrong decisions we did.

107. I love you, Mama. Thank you for loving me, even when I was hard to love. I know you loved me. I know you loved Dad more, and I didn't like being in second place. I didn't like the humility of not being the main man in your life. Of course, I know the Lord was your First Love, but then I knew you loved Dad more than me, and it hurt my pride.

108. Deborah and Rachel fed that pride, especially Rachel. She made me feel like a king. It's the way men are prone; they don't generally like being in second place in a woman's life. In the Family, Jesus is first, but I'm sure you realize that some marital problems arise when the female lives that life of putting the Lord first above all‚ seeking to do His will and to please Him. Some men go seeking "new flesh" to satisfy their desire to be held in first place by the woman. It's pride.

109. There's nothing wrong with the woman taking care of her man. The Lord said He created woman for the man and not man for the woman. But what some of us men struggle with is that the main Man in all of our lives is to be Jesus‚ and that includes all of us as brides of Christ. That's where humility is found and realized—in putting Jesus first and loving Him as our Husband‚ in living the "One for all and all for One" vision as His brides in Christ.

110. I love you, Mama. Thank you for loving Jesus, loving Dad‚ and loving me. I'm so happy to see how you're being used of the Lord. Please give Peter my love.

Love, Timothy (End of message from Timothy)

Why Is It So Serious

To Lay Down Your Crown?

Mama:

111. We asked the Lord this question:  Why is it so serious to go back on the Lord and lay down your crown? It all depends on whether you're looking at it from the realm of the spirit or from the way things look in the physical realm. The fact is that this world is a tiny moment of time compared to the big picture‚ but the choices made in this world are going to determine our eternity.

112. That's why we're so sad when our young people leave. It's not just that we want them to follow in our footsteps; that's not the point. It's because we know their decisions have eternal consequences. The Lord's given them such a privilege to be some of the few Endtime heroes. He's poured years and years into these young people; then if they lay down their crown, you can't raise somebody up to take their place, just like that. It leaves a big hole‚ and there is often loss to the great work of winning souls for Jesus, not to speak of what they lose out on as far as rewards and training and spiritual progress.

113. It's more than just saying, "I want to do something else in life." It's really going back on the Lord. It has repercussions.

Timothy:

114. What if I told you that your life on Earth was "as the twinkling of an eye" in the big picture? So many people put so much into their time on Earth that has so little to do with their life after death, that it's quite a shock for them to see how far off they were.

115. The greatest shock many of them have is that life isn't just flesh and blood. Life isn't just what you see. There is a spiritual world that coexists alongside the physical one. There really is a God. And there really is a Devil. There really are angels and there really are demons. This is often a great shock to people when they arrive in the spiritual world and find out that the physical realm is peanuts in comparison—temporal and puny. Many didn't even realize there was a spiritual world.

116. When people don't believe that there is a spiritual world and that people are spiritual beings that will be leaving their bodies behind on Earth and continuing on as spiritual beings, it's unfortunate. Some even believe this wonderful truth, yet don't realize that there is a reason and purpose for each person's life—to be united with the One Who created it and gave it life. When someone is united with their Creator by asking Jesus into their heart and being born again, that can be the beginning of a most incredible journey.

117. God has given man a free will. We are given the majesty of choice. Once we get saved we're always saved, because it's a gift. "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us" (Titus 3:5). "If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved" (Romans 10:9). "For by grace are you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves. It is a gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8,9).

118. That's where the rub comes a lot of times—"not of works, lest any man should boast." There's just something about man and his works. His human nature is that he likes to do things all by himself and he wants all the credit for it. It's called pride.

119. Pride is a horrible‚ destructive, deadly spirit. It's the spirit of Satan, Lucifer, who decided he didn't want to just be God's right-hand man, the light bearer of God, the second in command, the mightiest of all angels; he wanted to be God. He wanted to do things his way and not God's way. (Isa.14:12-15).

120. God had given him the honor, the privilege—a gift, really, that He didn't have to give—of being second to Him. He chose him to bear the light, His Word. There is no higher honor Lucifer could have been given, and yet he wasn't satisfied, he wanted to be God. Lucifer would have been second in command! After all, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are One.

121. When Lucifer fell, choosing his will over God's‚ and man fell‚ choosing his will over God's‚ God in His infinite love sent His Son, Jesus‚ so that the souls of mortal men could be redeemed. Jesus became the Word of God made flesh. He and the Word are the same. Lucifer's job was given to the Archangel Gabriel, and he became a bearer of light, bringing the message to a lowly woman, Mary‚ that she would be the mother of the Son of God. Lucifer laid down his crown and it was given to another. Lucifer's decision to follow his own will cost him his position and the Kingdom and all its glory and splendor.

122. Now Lucifer has set up his own kingdom. He's made an imitation in the physical realm. He wants to have his kingdom on Earth as it was in Heaven‚ only with him as god, and he's just about ready to proclaim himself king. He's just about ready to do the ultimate in pride—to stand up in the temple of God, declaring that he is God. Only in his kingdom you won't have the majesty of choice he was given‚ because if you don't worship him, he'll be out to kill you. He doesn't believe in free will. He believes in his will being done.

123. Back to God's children on Earth: You are given the majesty of choice. You are free to make your own decisions. If you want life, if you want the truth, if you want to know what to do, you need the Word. You need to read the Word. You need to obey the Word. You need to be doers of the Word, not hearers only, as Jesus said.

124. Many young people have left the Family seeking secular education and a life of their own. That's their decision. That doesn't negate that they are loved by their parents or children or friends. That doesn't mean God doesn't love them. He will always love them and go with them wherever they go. What it does mean is they have laid down their crown, their spiritual reward, their calling to fulfill God's will. It means they have chosen their will over God's will.

125. It's sad, because God has poured His Word, His ways‚ His thoughts into their spirits for years and years, decades in some cases, and they have chosen their will instead of God's will. God is a loving God. But what many do not understand is that you will give an account before God for your actions, your decisions, even your words. The Bible says that by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.

126. Man doesn't want to be held responsible for his actions, and the Devil is right there to influence and make it as easy as possible for man to think he isn't going to be judged or held responsible. Man has swallowed the big lies he has been fed. Nevertheless, that doesn't change the facts.

127. In all these things, God's Word stands true and will come to pass. It's not just a case of a Family member leaving to pursue whatever it is they want, but it's that person having chosen their own will over God's will, laying down their crown, despising their crown, settling for what they can see rather than holding to that which takes faith to behold. From personal experience I can tell you, the greatest sadness is to be one who lays down their crown and then dies, and then sees what could have been had they decided to choose God's way instead of their own.

128. I am one of those who chose their own way. I am one who chose my will over God's will, not just once, but one time too many. I am one who was in a position a little like Lucifer. I was a right-hand man to one of God's leaders on Earth. I was held in esteem‚ and although I didn't see it then‚ I had a crown that would have been mine in Heaven, radiating great honor among all the inhabitants therein. But I laid down my crown. I walked away, my own way, and then something happened I didn't expect—I died suddenly and unexpectedly after I walked out on God's will for my life.

129. I'm in Heaven. I was saved and didn't lose the gift of eternal life. I also carry the knowledge with me of what I did. I've cried many tears‚ and Jesus wipes them away. I'm very happy to be in Heaven. I was rewarded for all that I did for the Lord. I'm also getting to work with Dad again.

130. I'm still learning, too. Contrary to what people on Earth may think, I don't know it all just because I'm here. My spiritual gifts are enhanced because I'm in the spirit and not in the flesh. But‚ yes‚ I am ashamed that I chose my way, and that knowledge is with me always, even here in Heaven.

131. I secretly repented to the Lord before I died, and He forgave me. It was too late to fix things‚ though—my life was over. Oh‚ how I wish I had known it was going to end as it did. I would have obeyed. I would have thought twice before choosing my own way.

132. Life is like a vapor. It's here a little while and then it's gone. For some it's only seconds, for some it's months, for some it's years, for others it's many decades, and for a few, almost a hundred years or more! What is that when compared to eternity?—The twinkling of an eye! There are numerous decisions you make during your lifetime, many of which people don't even think a second thought about, yet the repercussions last for eternity. Just think of that! What you decide today can determine your eternal future.

133. I thought that if this message were published, maybe it would help a lot of people to make the right decision. I'm speaking from "beyond the veil," as people say. I'm no longer on Earth. I know what I'm talking about and I know it's the truth.

134. I was talking to Dad about it‚ and he reminded me of a sad truth. He said, "Son, remember what Jesus said about the selfish rich man who died and went to Hell, and he wanted to send someone back to warn his family. This rich man was being tormented in Hell, and the beggar outside his gate, Lazarus, had also died but had gone to Heaven; he'd been carried into Abraham's bosom by the angels. So the rich man asked Abraham if Lazarus could go back and testify to his family on Earth so that they wouldn't end up like he did. Father Abraham told the rich man that his brothers had Moses and the prophets they could listen to. In other words, God's Word was on Earth and they could get the truth there. The rich man said, 'Yet if one came back from the dead and spoke to them, they'd repent!' What was Abraham's reply? 'If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rose from the dead.'"

135. One did rise from the dead—Jesus—and His Word is there that people may know the right way to go, yet they still don't choose God's way. Most of those who are following their own will, no matter what you do, will be of the same opinion still. Nevertheless, the Lord's mercy is abundant and I have been given the opportunity to share my testimony with you. It is my prayer that those who read it, and who the Lord is speaking to, will follow Him. Thank you for listening. (End of message from Timothy.)

Great Are Your Rewards

For Following My Will!

Jesus:

136. Timothy wants the truth to be known, and to him it is a way of making amends with not only Mama, but the Family. Dad also wants folks to know of the progress Timothy has made since he has come Home to Me. These messages are a step for Timothy in making it known to all the fruit of following the way of pride. By sharing these words he has humbled himself in My sight and wants to do the same in yours.

137. Dad understands how Timothy feels. He shared the testimony with all of you of when he said no to Me, and died, and was met by Dr. Koger. The look of disappointment on Dr. Koger's face was enough to shake Dad out of following his own way. Can you imagine how it would be to die and face Me, knowing you had said no to My will in your life? Many do, and great is the sorrow of those who, after they die, see what would have been accomplished on My behalf and the joys they would have received had they said yes!

138. It's so difficult to say yes to My will sometimes. The Devil exaggerates all the reasons why it isn't the best path to follow. He illuminates all the sacrifices involved, making you feel that the path of following My will and saying yes is strewn with misery and pain. He yells in your ears, telling you how much you will lose if you follow Me. He does everything within his spiritual power to hide from you the fact of My Word‚ that "whosever will save his life will lose it, and whosoever will lose his life for My Name's sake‚ the same will save it."

139. The Enemy brings his imps and minions and sometimes his archdemons to blind your ears and eyes to the multitude of blessings I have given you, and do give you, when you follow My will. He does all that he can to cloud the issue‚ whatever it is I'm asking you to do.

140. Following My will involves every area of your life. For Timothy, My will was that he forsake his pride, which was manifested in seeking worldly knowledge and leaning to his own understanding. Knowledge puffeth up, and that's what happened to Timothy's spirit. He got so puffed up that he believed he knew better than Me‚ better than Dad, better than Mama. He got so puffed up that when it was pointed out to him, he couldn't face having that pin stuck in his balloon of pride, so he floated away—his way. And one day his balloon popped—he died—and what a sad day it was‚ in some respects, to come to his heavenly reward and see what it could have been. To come to life eternal with Me and know in no uncertain terms he chose his way over Mine.

141. Timothy knew before he died that he had failed Me‚ and he was sorry. He repented privately, so the sorrow was not as great as those who do not repent. Nevertheless‚ the knowledge was still there. I comforted him as he cried many tears. I consoled My son. And then later, to show him mercy and great love, Dad came and was there to hear his apology face to face through many tears. Dad forgave him and spoke words of encouragement and offered to take him under his wing again and train him. Timothy was a different man then‚ and having seen the error of choosing his way, eagerly agreed to start again, doing things My way.

142. So share this message with others and let them know that each one will stand before Me and give account for the decisions they make on Earth. Let them know that Timothy wants to tell them that message, that there is no greater fulfillment one can have than forsaking your life, your way, to do God's will.

143. I want to tell My children to stand up to the Enemy. Call his bluff when he spews his lies and deceit at you, trying to prevent you from following Me and saying yes to what I ask you to do. I only ask these things of you that "you may be saved." I want to save your life, your spiritual life, so that it will bring forth much fruit.

144. The way you can call the bluff of these lies, deceits, discouragements and hindrances of the Devil during these times is to obey Me. Do it. Do it now! The sooner the better, for in the instant you say yes to Me, the Enemy's power over your mind is greatly diminished. Just say the words, "I want to do Your will, Jesus." "Not my will, but Your will be done‚ Jesus." "I want to yield, Jesus, help me." "I want to obey‚ Jesus‚ help me." "I yield." "I am going to obey." "I choose You, Jesus."

145. Just say the words and the power will come. Call on the keys and they will be turned to swords and will slash and cut and defeat the Devil and all his demons, and you will be triumphant! Just tell the Devil that "Jesus rules!" and rebuke the Enemy and resist him. I will not fail you, My loves. You might not see the blessings instantly‚ but I will bless you.

146. The blessings come instantly in the spirit, but you've got to fight. Sometimes it's a long haul, but don't give up. Don't quit. No matter how long the battle‚ keep fighting, and I will honor you and come through for you. Some of you who feel like it's such a long haul, a constant battle—keep claiming the keys for strength to be yielded, to obey, to submit to Me, and proceed as if possessing‚ and it will happen. You don't see it‚ but those of you who have such struggles receive special rewards in Heaven.

147. I know it's hard to take it by faith, especially in the midst of your battles there on Earth. You grow weary in your fight because "blessings" and "special rewards" don't have a face. You don't see them or know what they are. If you could, it might help you. That's where strength of spirit is made—in the believing, in the faith. That's what's going to overcome the wickedness of this world—your faith.

148. And now I have given you the physical manifestation of key power, heavenly thought power, of being possessed by Me. You have it now, and will use it more and more, and begin to see the manifestation of the fruit of following My will. Didn't I tell you that I would not leave you comfortless? Didn't I tell you that I would make a way of escape for the time of temptation, so that you would be able to bear it? Well, think about all that I have written in My Word of the powers you will have in the Endtime‚ that you will be strong and do exploits. That power comes from following My will today.

149. So the next time you're getting fought by the Devil, remember that fact and you will understand why you are being fought so hard, and you will have the power to resist, rebuke, and rise above.

150. I love you, My children. Great are your rewards in Heaven for following My will, for saying yes to Me, for forsaking your life to do God's will. Well done, My good and faithful servants; you will be entering into My joy! Heaven awaits you, along with a multitude of rewards that are far beyond any thrill or happiness you have experienced on Earth. (End of message from Jesus.)

Letter Links:

* ML #3218:121-140, "The Weakness Revolution, Part 1," GN 819

* ML #3043:27-50, "Prophecies on Pride and Humility," Lifelines 23

* ML #996:1-43, "Teaching Great Masters," Vol.8

* ML #838, "The Unguarded Moment," Vol.7

Copyright © 2003 by The Family

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