Post-it GN #9

How to Recognize and Help an Anorexic

By MariaMaria #608 CM/FM 3393 2/02

Dear parents, shepherds and friends,

1. This GN is directed to those of you who are caring for someone or love someone who has an eating disorder. Please know that Peter and I are praying for you—and it's really through prayer that the battle is won. So the more you can draw on the power of prayer and the power of the keys in your fight to help the one who is going through it—pray with them, pray for them, and encourage them to ask others to pray for them—the better. That is the key!

2. It's often a very long-term and strenuous fight for victory once someone has fallen prey to an eating disorder‚ and it's literally a matter of life or death. The Enemy is trying to kill them; he's trying to end their life and usefulness. In yourself, you will not have the strength to endure and the love to see them through, but the Lord has it. And that's why I'm stressing how important it is to avail yourself of the power of prayer. That's the only way the victory is won—through prayer, through the power of the keys, and our strong and wonderful Deliverer.

3. In this Letter you'll read testimonies from a couple of our mates and fighters who have recovered from eating disorders. They shed light on the thoughts and intimate details of the battle and what helped them to overcome it. There is counsel from our wonderful Husband on what causes anorexia and the thought processes that lead to it. There is a log and update from Kristen's shepherds on how the battles went for her and how the Lord showed them to handle it. There are also excerpts of a video transcript about a woman who has dedicated her life to helping anorexics recover, with wonderful success.

4. This Letter is not meant to be a step-by–step manual on how to handle someone with an eating disorder and help them recover. It's simply a few points to get you thinking and praying and to help you come up with questions to ask the Lord. I can't emphasize enough the importance of hearing from Him in a situation as delicate as helping someone choose to fight for life. Please don't act on the counsel of others or the counsel of the world without turning to our Husband and asking Him all your questions, so you can receive the personalized counsel that you need.

5. (Jesus speaking:) Loving someone back from the gates of death requires more love than is naturally within you. It requires more strength than is given to a human to possess. It requires more grace than can be found in mankind. It requires perseverance that outlasts all others. In short, it requires supernatural intervention. Yet I freely give you that supernatural anointing and strength and grace and love, for I love each of My children who are struggling, and want to see them freed from the clutches of the Evil One.

6. You might wonder why this is suddenly an issue in the Family, why there seem to be so many afflicted with some sort of eating disorder. It's because the Enemy is trying to wipe out My disciples‚ My laborers, those who are called and chosen and have been trained by Me these many years. It's also part of the greater evil being loosed upon the Earth in these Last Days. It's something you must steady yourself against through My Word and fighting to maintain My perspective, My answers, and My mindset.

7. You who are called to a rescue mission to save one of My ambassadors from falling into uselessness through an eating disorder must stabilize yourselves in My Word, you must fill yourselves up with faith, you must call on the keys for strength and grace and love that you know not of. And know‚ My loves, that I am ready and waiting to give it to you. I have spirit helpers who have trained for missions such as these. I have angels and warriors of the spirit ready to do battle on your behalf. I have chains with which to bind the Enemy, and swords of the Spirit with which I can set the captives free. But so much depends on you—your prayers, your connection to Me, your willingness to see the battle through. And it goes without saying that the captive must also want to be free. They must be willing to yield‚ to change.

8. But that is where your support and help is needed. That is where you must ask Me for My unconditional love to help them and pray them through—for often at the beginning they will not want the change, they will not see the need, or they will not be willing to make personal sacrifices in order to rectify the mindsets and habits that the Enemy has built into their minds and lives. It will take much prayer, desperation, and following Me step by step to even bring them to the place where they see the need and are willing to accept My answers. Once they want the victory, a great part of the battle is won.

9. So persevere, My loves. Be importunate before My throne in your intercession. And as you take up the cross and literally lay down your life for these, you will find that I will meet you there and will abundantly pour out on you all that you need.

10. Don't expect an easy victory, for very rarely will these changes come overnight. Through the power of the keys you have all the power of Heaven and dominion over Hell, but I often use these protracted battles in the lives of My young ones to make them fighters‚ to help them commit fully to Me, to try them and prepare them for the great crowns that will be placed upon their heads. So don't be surprised or wearied by the battle, but know that I am fighting beside you, and with the power of the keys, yieldedness, desperation and love, the victory is guaranteed! I will never leave one of My brides to struggle alone; I will see them through, each and every one. (End of message from Jesus.)

More About the Enemy's Attack
On the Family Through Eating Disorders

11. (Jesus speaking: ) The Enemy goes about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may destroy. He is destroying many through these demons of anorexia and bulimia. These demons and their minions are prevalent throughout My Family. I have allowed this to be brought to your attention through the suffering of one of your members of WS.

12. Why do men sin? Why are they tempted? "Every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived‚ it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death" (Jam.1:14,15). That is the power that these demons of anorexia and bulimia have. They have power to bring forth death to those who are possessed or oppressed by them.

13. My children have Me, and therefore they cannot be possessed by these demons, but they can be oppressed. This oppression can be serious—so serious that if My children do not yield to Me and forsake these demons of darkness, they can lose their lives. Their lives on this Earth will be snuffed out before their time, by their own decision. What a loss—that Satan would snuff out your life of service, your testimony, and all the lost souls you are destined to win for Me! If he can't get you to deny Me, he works to destroy your usefulness for Me.

14. As there are spirits of gluttony where people eat excessively‚ so are there spirits of anorexia and bulimia that afflict people. The Devil goes about to devour and destroy mankind. He is the destroyer. He is for destruction. He is for death. I came to give man life—not just life on Earth‚ but life eternal. I didn't come to destroy men's lives, but to save them! This shows how diabolical these spirits are! They are the direct opposite of My Spirit! They oppose Me and all that I stand for! These spirits of anorexia and bulimia encourage a worship of the flesh! They come and afflict My children subtly‚ enticing them with words that are pleasing to the ears. Empty promises is what those words are!

15. With some people, the Enemy uses fear—fear that they will become overweight. There may be members of their family who are overweight, and they fear they will become overweight as well. So the Enemy gets in through fear. With some the Enemy uses negativity—one negative thought that they accept, which leads to accepting more. Sometimes it's because they're not aware of the Enemy's devices and need to be shown.

16. I told you that in the Last Days many would come in My Name‚ saying, "I am Christ," and deceive many. I told you to take heed that no man deceive you. I tell you now that not only will many false prophets and false Christs come, but the Enemy will send many of his minions, who will come trying to deceive you and turn you away from following Me, from obeying Me, and from fulfilling My will for your life. (End of message from Jesus)

Where are My shepherds who fight for their sheep? Where are My brides who fight for their mates? Where are My Brunhelds and valiant and fearless knights that fight on My behalf? Where are My fighters? Have they all fallen asleep?

17. (Dad speaking:) Honey, these afflictions of anorexia and bulimia aren't a figment of someone's imagination! They aren't some psychological diseases! They are spirits—spirits that are straight from the depths of Hell, and what the Devil is using to destroy lives!

18. The Lord has promised that He will protect His children, and He will, but folks can't just assume that because they are members of the Lord's Endtime Army that they are immune from the Enemy's attacks! They are not immune! They are prime targets of the Enemy's attacks! They are the ones the Enemy wants to get at the most! So the Family would be wise to wake up to the fact that it's not going to get any easier when it comes to fighting the Devil—it's going to be more intense!

19. The Lord has given our folks all that they need to be victorious, to defeat the Devil. But they have to fight! They have to do something! They can't just be passive soldiers. They have to be fighting soldiers! There's no victory without a battle. And if our folks are tired of fighting battles, then Lord help us! They've lost the vision! They've lost the fire!

20. What does the Bible say is the reason Jesus was manifested? "The Son of God was manifested that He might destroy the works of the Devil!" (1Jn.3:8). You don't destroy something sitting down. It takes effort! I'm not talking about the energy of the flesh, but the Spirit! But sometimes you have to get up off your derrieres and take action, and that action involves your flesh!

21. Jesus has a lot of compassion. He knows that your spirits are willing but your flesh is weak—but that's not an excuse to cop out and do nothing! Folks need to wake up and realize that being a Christian isn't a comfortable calling. I'm proud of our Family. They have forsaken all to follow the Lord and preach the Gospel, and they've been faithful. The Lord is well pleased with their dedication and loyalty and love. They are His chosen people! He loves them! He has manifested His love and faith in them by blessing them with the gift of greater faith and the keys to the Kingdom. They are the Lord's men and women for the hour!

22. But in order to fulfill what the Lord has for them, in order to nip this problem of anorexia and bulimia in the bud, they are going to need to fight! Take action! Some of these folks who are afflicted are so weak they can't fight on their own anymore! They need help! They need their mothers, their fathers‚ their sisters, their brothers, their mates, their friends, and their shepherds to fight for them! Give no place to the Devil!

23. You can keep these demons from infecting more. The Family can take a stand! United we stand, divided we fall! Have the whole Family take a united stand against these demons! Cast them out of your midst! Call for a cleansing of those who are in need. Unite against the foe. Help those who are sick! Put it on your worldwide monthly prayer list! Raise a standard against these attacks. Ask the Lord to cast this plague from your midst. Commit to be sober and vigilant, to resist the Enemy, steadfast in the faith! Lift the banner high! (End of message from Dad)

24. (Mama:) As the Lord and Dad bring out in the preceding messages‚ there is a desperate need for shepherds, parents, friends and mates to help raise a standard in the spirit for those who are being attacked in this way. It's not something that goes away all by itself in time or eventually just "gets better." The Enemy is trying to kill or debilitate some of our children, some of our laborers, and we've got to do something about it!

25. Helping someone recover who is in a state as serious as Kristen was, requires a tremendous amount of prayer, counsel, fortitude, support, and attention. It also takes faith, perseverance, unconditional love as well as "tough" love, not to mention prayer on the part of other Home members. It's not something that can be done "on the side" while you proceed with business as usual. To help you understand how involved the shepherds got with Kristen, I'm going to include a few excerpts of the log that Natasha [one of her support group shepherds] kept during the first weeks after Kristen had received my letter and made the commitment to change. This intensive care continued for several months, until she was able to slowly manage more on her own with the Lord. Even then, however, she needed lots of prayer, support, regular checking on her food and exercise routines, and counsel. Eventually, she hardly needed help anymore, and proved that she was obedient and responsible to follow the guidelines that had been set for her. And now she is completely and totally recovered! All glory to our wonderful Husband!

Natasha's Log

26. Day one: Today Gabe‚ Amy‚ Lawrence (Kristen's boyfriend) and I read the letter from Mama and Peter with Kristen. She received the letter very well and even seems relieved to have all of this out in the open and get the help that she knows she needs. She is ready for the attack. She says she feels lighter and is happy for the exposure, although it's hard on her pride.

27. Gabe has the idea of having support-group time each morning together with Kristen‚ where we can read a little something, pray with her, and talk about how things are going.

28. We told her that we will not get into a food plan or exercise until Monday (today is Friday). She agrees to stop trying to calculate the calorie content in foods.

29. Kristen spends the rest of the day rereading the letter and writes Mama and Peter a note telling them that she's committed to making the changes that are being asked of her. We're so proud of her for saying yes.

30. Day two: Kristen is spending a lot of her time reading and rereading the letter from Mama and Peter. Amy and I decide that it's best to have one of us always available, including on free day, in case Kristen needs someone to talk and pray with. We decide I will be available for her on Sunday and Amy will be on Saturday. She is still doing well and fighting. We're amazed at how well she's doing.

31. She is eating her normal, low–calorie diet and exercising as she has been.

32. Day three: Today Kristen prays about her get-out and the Lord says she should walk and not run. She went for her walk, and although she was walking slowly at first, she decided since she was going downhill she could up her pace. It was at this point that she sprained her ankle, which was a shakeup for her, as she realized that the Lord is very serious about wanting her to change her habits and that she needs to stay well within the boundaries He has set.

Week 1 (Days 4-10):

33. We started having our support-group times on Monday. It's very necessary at this time, as it shows Kristen we're there for her to listen to her, pray for her, or be a Word buddy for her. We've had them every day this week. Gabe has been like the daddy in these support groups, where he'll firmly yet lovingly encourage her and tell her why she can make it. He's like the motivator in the group. Lawrence is also very helpful, as he'll bring things out to Kristen that help her to see the situation as it really is‚ such as, "Well, Kristen, you know how weak you are—you can't even climb up the stairs without being extremely tired, so eating more food will give you strength." This is very helpful as it reinforces what we're trying to get her to see. Amy and I are her support as well.

34. At these meetings she has the opportunity to tell us exactly what's happening inside of her, what lies the Enemy is telling her, and we're able to combat the Enemy's lies with words of faith, encouragement, and love. Encouragement is very important at this stage, as the Enemy is trying to tell her that she can't get a victory over her anorexia, so there are a lot of mind battles.

35. Some of these battles are: a lot of guilt about her sprained ankle; fear about not doing workouts and how long she won't be allowed to work out for; wondering how much food she'll be asked to eat; very scared of not so much what is happening that day, but, "If I obey today, what will I be expected or asked to do tomorrow and in the days following?"

36. She is claiming the prophecies she's received to help her in these battles‚ and although it's a struggle, she's yielding and putting feet to her faith by eating more.

37. As for Kristen's food, we're trying to see what works better for her—to have three meals a day or to have five to six smaller portions a day. For the first couple of days we've given her three meals, which are balanced with protein‚ carbohydrates, veggies and fruit. The portions are small because her stomach is not used to eating, so we need to go slow.

38. Kristen feels very bloated and full. We pray for this and explain to her that it's all part of her recovery. When anorexics first start eating again, their stomachs are not used to food, so their stomachs need time to adjust. One of the physical reactions is having these bloated feelings.

39. On Tuesday she had united prayer from the body. We prayed and asked the Lord who should be present‚ and the Lord suggested that perhaps a few of the younger ones should not be there. She prepared her prayer request, including prophecies taken from Mama and Peter's letter to her, along with specific prayer requests she has. Although she was quite nervous, she handled the whole time remarkably well.

40. On Thursday, Kristen asked if we could work out her food to be smaller portions so that she's eating more often but not having such big portions. She sees her portions as being large, but in reality they're quite small. This is one mind battle that she has to work on, and that is not to think as an anorexic, but rather let us do the thinking for her where her food and portions are concerned. God bless her, she is yielding and showing a lot of faith in us, even though at times it's very hard.

41. Today Kristen, Lawrence, and one of their friends have planned to go to a restaurant. This is again a test for Kristen.

42. However, while they were gone‚ I, Natasha, found a printout in the printer of the calorie and fat info of various foods. Kristen had gone online to check out nutritional facts. We were surprised to find this, as she had told us she would not do this. When we mentioned this to her‚ she explained that she had done it impulsively even though Lawrence had reminded her not to. We saw how deeply ingrained these habits were, and God bless her, she has not done this sort of thing again. She was very sorry for this happening.

43. One thing we also had to work on with Kristen was not getting into a guilt trip. Guilt is something that anorexics battle a lot!

44. Kristen turned in her notebook where she kept a detailed account and tallying of all calories and exercise regimens. It was very interesting to read how detailed everything was.

45. I've started keeping track of the nutritional value of her food. It's difficult to be faithful with this, but I personally feel it helps me to see exactly how she is doing with her food.

Week 2 (Days 11-17):

46. On Sunday things didn't go very well. It's difficult at the moment with Kristen's meals as there is little to work with, as her proteins are very limited. We want to be as accommodating as we can to make it easy on her, but on the other hand, we do need to work on helping her to eat more and have more variety in her diet. She felt that since it was Sunday (Word and rest day), her meals should be different and more what she felt like eating. I tried suggesting things and she would make a counter suggestion. This went back and forth quite a bit‚ and it became rather complex and ended up being difficult for both of us.

47. On Monday during our support-group time we brought this out in the open, which helped to clear the air. We agreed that Sunday dinners could be one time when she and Lawrence can decide together what to eat and we would be there to counsel them.

48. Thursday: At our support group we decided that only one of us needs to check to see what she's putting on her plate at meals. Both Amy and I had been doing it, unaware that the other one had already checked. Poor Kristen was feeling pretty stressed by this. Meal serving time is quite hectic‚ plus this attention from both of us made things quite difficult for her. Only one of us will get together with her a little before mealtime, before the hungry horde arrives, so her prep and check time is done in a calmer atmosphere.

49. We've been telling Kristen what is planned for her meal about half an hour before she eats. This way she avoids going through unnecessary battles about it way ahead of time.

50. She is struggling some, but doing okay.

51. We've introduced some new foods—beets, and pancakes prepared with no oil. The pancake was a battle‚ but I prayed for her and ate with her and she did fine. Often after eating there are battles, but she was able to go to devotions and get distracted from her worries and didn't have to battle at all.

52. Kristen has a bowel disorder that results in her getting stomach problems when she eats certain foods. This bowel disorder seems like it could be the result of her eating disorder, as it only began after she began her dieting regimens. She has tried to eat yogurt, but it gave her stomach problems.

53. Friday: She had prayer against this bowel disorder. We're praying about trying different foods in smaller portions to see if she can take them without her stomach problem flaring up. We introduce a nutritional milkshake today. This again is quite a test for her, but she goes for it. We serve her half a glass and it goes well. TYJ! This drink is very helpful in getting extra nutrition into her system.

54. This week Kristen is doing some stretches for exercise. She does these stretches with Amy because she can't yet gauge how to do things less strenuously than she has been accustomed to doing them. This also safeguards her from spending more than the allotted time on her exercise. Her foot is doing better, to where she can also go outside for some walks. We're still being very careful not to allow her to exercise vigorously at all, since her body needs time to recover, and her mind needs time to accept and make the changes.

55. Amy made some oatmeal for her today. Kristen had a hard time with that, especially trusting someone else to make her food. She doesn't like oats made with milk, and because it was slightly not the way she liked it‚ this caused more of a mind battle because the situation was not "perfect," with not only the way it was cooked, but also because it wasn't put in the perfect bowl. (This is something that Kristen also had to fight to overcome. She was extremely particular about the way her food was prepared, and for a long time she had eaten from only one particular bowl and spoon‚ and prepared her food with only certain utensils. From what we understand, this is common with some anorexics—the compulsion to have things perfect, or done only in a certain way.) She started to get the shakes. This has happened a couple of times since then when we introduced new foods that were difficult. Thank the Lord she overcame after we prayed for her.

56. Support-group time continues daily and is very good and helpful. It helps to keep her mind focused on the goal. Reminders of what we're trying to do are really helpful for her, such as, "You want this victory. This is good. This food is what your body needs. Even if you don't want it, your body needs it. You need this. This is what the goal is: total freedom. Change is good. We're happy with you, proud of you, and know that you can make it." We constantly bring up the end result that is being aimed at.

57. Friday is another food hurdle as we give her roast chicken. Again this is difficult‚ and we only give her a small portion that is taken from deep inside the breast where there's no grease. When we aren't looking, she washes her chicken to ensure there's no grease. God bless her, she confesses when she does things that she knows she shouldn't, and it makes us trust and love her all the more because of it.

58. We are still giving her small amounts at meal times with snacks in between.

59. Although this week we are serving smaller portions, we are serving them more frequently. For example, for breakfast she had half a bun with a small amount of cheese, half a glass of milk; for lunch, a quarter of a package of tofu, veggies, and a piece of bread; later a snack of a carrot; dinner is fish, rice, salad; and then a night snack of a rice cracker.

60. We're finding it hard to get her midmorning snack in, so we decided on a plan of attack where she will eat breakfast earlier—before devotions rather than after.

Week 3 (Days 18–24):

61. Sunday: Today is when Kristen has what she wants for dinner. This didn't go so well‚ as she didn't want to eat what her friends were having. We settle for a fair meal.

62. Amy and I decide we need to hear from the Lord about Sunday meals as it's a struggle for both Kristen and I on Sundays, plus Monday mornings Kristen is battling pretty big and we feel that the Sunday meal plan is contributing to this. She is not yielding on her foods for Sunday, so it affects her negatively. The Lord tells us that we should plan her meals for Sunday like we do other days.

63. This week she has twice made it for an early breakfast‚ which is nice, as it gave time for snacks.

64. Things are getting harder for Kristen‚ since new foods are being added and she's had fears about them. In discussing her food, Amy suggests that we try to use additives in the meal planning, like adding wheat germ‚ brewer's yeast, sunflower seeds, etc.

65. When we first brought up the idea of sunflower seeds, Kristen again got the shakes and became teary-eyed. Amy, Lawrence and I prayed with her and stayed with her while she ate, and we prayed again after she was done. This helped to calm her spirit. Battles continue about food portions.

66. I can't express enough how thankful I am to work in teamwork, for I know I could never help Kristen as much as we have on my own. One very positive thing that Amy and I have found is that when one of us is ready to give in to Kristen's suggestions to change something in her meal plan or to cut the portion, the other will be firm. This has been a super blessing, and, along with hearing from the Lord about specifics‚ has been what has encouraged us to keep going and keep upping the amounts and introducing new foods.

67. We asked the Lord about telling Kristen her meal plan more ahead of meals. The Lord suggested it's best to keep doing it the way we are, telling her just before the meal.

68. We're seeing that she is starting to overdo some with her get-outs, walking a bit faster than we were hoping. It's nothing real serious, but we're still trying very hard to not let her exert herself, as we're trying to build her body up. With her foot healed, she's doing some stretches along with 20 minutes of walking—10 minutes at one time and then later another 10 minutes.

69. Kristen, along with some of the other girls, went for a 45-minute walk one day. Although this was a fun change for her, it was also difficult to see others running alongside her, and she was comparing and wishing that she could do it too‚ so it was a battle.

70. She asked for a booster prayer as she's having a hard time eating, as she doesn't have much of an appetite. God bless her, as it's a big step for her to ask to have prayer for this particular thing.

71. On top of the anorexic mind battles, Kristen also has to fight battles with comparing about a new SGA girl coming to our Home who also has an eating disorder, though different than Kristen's. This girl can eat normal portions of food, whereas Kristen can't at this stage. Kristen is worried about being compared to this girl who would seem to be overcoming her eating disorder much more easily than Kristen. She is worried that people will think that if this girl can do so "well," what is the matter with Kristen that she is battling so.

72. Kristen is being very open and honest about her battles and the Lord is seeing her through them. She has a very exercised gift of prophecy, and this has been a tremendous help in these battles. It's so amazing to me to see her going ahead on blind faith with her recovery program. Working with her has sure upped my faith, especially in seeing the Lord literally work miracles in her life, all because she yielded and said yes. She's a super sample of yielding and attacking head-on.

73. We did pray to confirm with the Lord that it was His will that this other girl come to our Home. After hearing from the Lord to confirm His will and to get some counsel for Kristen, we prayed with her and read to her what the Lord had to say. After that, things went much better. She and this SGA are now very happy and have communicated together, as they both had fears about meeting each other.

74. Excerpts of something the Lord told us this week about her meal plan and recovery program: "Because she's in a very weakened condition right now, both physically and spiritually‚ it would be best for her to carry on with establishing good habits, a good routine of eating and taking care of her body before she's allowed to have some leeway to make her own choices as to whether to eat or not, and how much to eat of a certain food. Your insisting that she eats is what keeps her going. Your attention to her menu, encouraging her to eat a little more, to eat all her meals‚ even on Sunday, is helping her to overcome her deeply ingrained bad habits and mindset."

Week 4:

75. This Sunday we gave Kristen a meal plan. This went so much better, and Monday wasn't such a battle as the other Mondays had been.

76. Amy and I started noticing that Kristen was acting frustrated and uptight. We weren't able to have our full group meeting on Monday and Tuesday, but we at least had a couple of us there praying and talking with her. On Tuesday‚ Kristen shared that she was very upset and angry because one of the SGA girls was saying things to her that caused her to feel she wasn't gaining victories. This person was making comments that made her feel that she wasn't trying hard enough and that she was just playing a game. This of course was quite hurtful for her.

77. We also noticed that Kristen is again slowly trying to get more vigorous get-outs. Not having full get–outs is still a big battle for her. The Enemy is telling her that her body is getting flabby and she'll never have the physical stamina she had before. She's been doing push-ups in her stretching times and balking more about her food. We did mention to her about her pushing the envelope with her get-outs, and although it's very difficult for her, she agreed to stop. God bless Lawrence, who mentioned to her that the idea was to get her to full health to where she didn't have to struggle going from one place to another. We asked the Lord about these things and He was faithful to give us good counsel.

78. On Tuesday night we added a new food to Kristen's diet. This was a big test for her, and she cried and had the shakes about it. We talked with her about how it only had a little bit of oil and that this is good for her, that her body needs it. We rebuked the Enemy and had good prayer for her and asked her to hear from the Lord about it. She had asked if she could eat somewhere else and we agreed‚ and also agreed to sit with her. (She wanted to eat elsewhere because she felt everyone would be watching her, which isn't true, but it's how a recovering anorexic thinks. She would also compare her food with what others were eating, and in her mind she was eating more than others—which was again not the case.) After taking time with the Lord, though, she went ahead and ate with everyone else, reading her promises as she ate. We were so proud of her!

79. The next morning she told us that she had been up a lot of the night with pains and the runs. She will be asking the Lord why this happened. (Update: The Lord reminded us that because Kristen had been basically starving herself for so long‚ her body is not used to handling food, so we have to go slow and be very prayerful about which foods and what amounts are introduced during this delicate stage.) Meanwhile, while she is recovering from the bout of tummy upset, we asked Kristen to ask the Lord what she should eat, and He was faithful to lead and guide us, so that she at least had some food instead of not eating at all.

80. It's a constant battle for Kristen to realize that she needs to eat, and that she needs to eat more than what she already is. She feels she eats so much already‚ but this is again her anorexic mind talking.

81. One lesson I learned from this incident is to check in with the Lord before telling her what her food is to be. I do pray when planning the meals, but sometimes the food will change at the last minute, and the Lord was telling me that it's important to check in with Him at these times. The Lord showed us that Kristen also has to get back into the habit of praying over her food before she eats. (End of log.)

Update and Explanation From Amy,
Kristen's Shepherdess

(Written five months after Kristen received the letter from Mama and Peter and made her commitment to change.)

Dear Mama,

82. I just read over these GNs regarding dear Kristen's battles with anorexia, and although the story is told and it's all there, I wish there was some way we could share what it was like to learn about this terrible disease and the way the Lord had to help us—not just every day, but every meal, every hour, and how we had to hear from Him so often just to know what to do and how to deal with this problem. It was so eye-opening to understand more deeply how to fight this.

83. In the beginning as I got to know Kristen, I felt she was a very sweet and dedicated young woman; she was helpful, and not really a problem in any way that I could see. After having lived and worked with her through these battles‚ my admiration for her has grown by leaps and bounds and I know now what I didn't know in the beginning—she is a fighter that I would be proud to be in the Tribulation with, trusting her with my life. She has learned to fight with the new weapons, to use prayer, prophecy‚ and the power of the keys to fight for and then hold on to her victory.

84. Many an hour I have personally wondered if I could go through what she had to go through to be delivered of the bad habits that the Enemy had bound her with. I weep now thinking of how hard it's been at times for her and how it has only been Jesus in her and her desire to yield that has kept her and helped her to hold on a minute at a time and not slide back into the abyss and horror she lived in before. God bless her!

85. Backtracking now to when we first began to get to know her and get involved with her life, when I first started to ask her about her eating: She was always so cheerful and acted like it just wasn't a problem. I think that's what made it so hard to get in there in the first place to help her. I'd ask if she was going to eat lunch or dinner, and she would so definitely answer with a justification like, "Oh, I had such a big snack just a while ago, so I couldn't eat right now, but I'll eat something later."

86. There were so many "lines" like this that she used in covering for her lack of eating, and the "white lies" were the easiest way to do it. Then she wouldn't have to take the food and throw it away or hide it under her plate or wait till nobody was looking and then get rid of it. It became easier for her to protect herself from inspection to just tell "a little fib."

87. When we first started trying to get to the bottom of all of that to figure out what was really going on, I felt bad, because what can you do? Do you outright accuse someone of lying to you? Even if I knew she wasn't eating, she was always so sweet and accommodating and agreeable, telling us, "Oh yes, I will try to eat some chicken, I'll try to eat this or that," and then we would walk off feeling she would do it, but it would never happen. It was a great burden on my heart to know how to approach things with her.

88. I could see that her condition wasn't making her happy; in fact, she looked pretty sad a lot of the time, and we wanted to somehow be let into her world to help her with whatever was bothering her. I'm so glad the Lord made it clear how serious things were, because in the natural‚ it isn't something you want to do—start meddling to such an extreme in people's personal choices about how they eat or exercise.

89. One thing I have learned in working with Kristen is that it is vital to get involved‚ and it is vital that the person that needs help yields to the help offered. Without those two factors‚ it can get pretty frustrating and divisive. If someone tries to help you and you don't want their help, it just doesn't work. Of course, the main factor is that you're both asking the Lord about everything, and I mean everything, down to the details of what to eat and how much and when. That is the only way we were able to keep a strong bond of trust and love between us and not let things get personal.

90. Kristen is a beautiful woman and she has a beautiful heart, and because she was willing to use her channel and seek the Lord about everything, even the things that were very difficult to ask Him about‚ such as her get-out, it was a recipe for success and the Lord could do miracles for her. I just thank the Lord she was yielded and willing.

This is a disease‚ a sickness, but it is a disease of the spirit, and the cure is yieldedness and openness to Me, desperation, and unconditional love and support. If these factors are in place, I guarantee the victory.

91. Before she started the recovery program‚ she had gotten in such a state that it was frightening. I honestly wondered if she might just die one day. It's not that she looked so bad, but we began to learn how bad she would feel after working out for hours, and that she even had a plastic bag beside her during her workouts in case she had to throw up. It nauseated her to work out so hard as she ran on the treadmill, always going harder, faster, pushing, pushing. When I realized that a lot of the time she had to literally crawl up the stairs to her bedroom because she was so weak‚ that she didn't sleep well, and that her heart was paining her despite her only being in her early 20's, it was pretty shocking.

92. The thing is, she had covered all these things up for a long time. She would say she "had a bit of an upset tummy," when in reality she was doubled over in pain. Basically, I think that she had gotten to the point where she was eating so little and working out so much that there was really no fat to burn, no fuel in her body to burn, so it had gotten to the point where her body had to start in on her internal organs. I read that that is what happens when there's no more fuel left—your body, in order to remain alive, will actually start to eat up the organs inside, even your brain. That freaked me out‚ as I could see she was having memory lapses, difficulty in concentrating, etc. Poor thing, it even hurt her to lie on things or sit on chairs, because her bones were poking her.

93. It was hard to trust what she said when we asked her about herself‚ her eating, and how she felt, because she wasn't honest with us. That was worrisome‚ because it's impossible to really help if you don't know the seriousness of something. All the while we suspected it was getting more and more extreme. But through the years she had become a master at deception and making it look like she was feeling okay and eating just fine.

94. During her recovery, we couldn't just take things at face value because of this. We had to start by building a foundation of trust between us—us trusting what she told us and her trusting that we were helping her the way the Lord would. It was a beautiful building of trust, and thank the Lord, it has remained intact even through the storms.

95. The way we built that trust was to be completely open and honest about everything. We trusted that she was not throwing food away, and she trusted in our channels when we would hear from the Lord about what new foods she should try to eat. She had to trust us at times to think for her, because many of her thought patterns were wrong—as evidenced by so many wrong choices that had brought her to such a desperate state.

96. This was a giant leap of trust for her, to trust in the Word we received and to trust in our words too, even though they were contrary to what her mindset told her. She had to let go of the mindset she held and that was still deeply entrenched in her, and she had to trust that we were leading her in the right way. We had to trust that she wouldn't lie to us and would be completely honest and open—and that if she did mislead us or tried in any way to trick us‚ that she would come and tell us about it eventually, which she always did.

97. The trust was built by all of us being completely and totally open with each other, even at the price of hurting each other's feelings. If Kristen felt we were wrong‚ she had the right to speak up and say so, and we would discuss and pray further about things. It was a very open communication.

98. I don't know that we did anything to correct the problem of lying, other than open up the lines of communication so that we could freely discuss and talk about anything and everything. Also at this time there was not really much opportunity to lie, since we were with Kristen at each mealtime and snack time; we made her portions and were with her while she ate. So there was very little opportunity to "fudge" on something. Later on down the line, I believe the strong line of communication made it so that lying either wasn't necessary‚ or if she was tempted to do something or throw something away, she would always "tell" on herself and admit what she had done. Because we didn't punish her or reprimand her harshly, I believe she had faith to take the stumbles and keep going, because that's what we encouraged her to do. We didn't dwell on the little stumbles when major progress was being made overall.

99. What could motivate someone to keep exercising and not eating, when their body is basically falling apart? Well, in fighting the anorexic mindset I can see that that's where the battleground is—in the mind. And that was what had to get the help. We couldn't just make her eat and everything would be all better. She needed to have the will to step away from the horrors of the extreme discipline that she had worked so hard to master. She needed to have a big change in her mind, in the way she thought. Just getting her to eat was not the victory‚ but helping her to think differently about food, exercise and herself was where the victory had to take place, and the rest—her eating—falls into place.

100. She had become so obsessed with food and not eating it that she counted the calories of even every single raisin she ate. Every drop that she took in, she felt she had to work off through exercise, and not only each drop, but more, so that she'd lose more weight. It still amazes me that someone can walk around and act just fine and be sweet and everything, but have such a terrible battle going on in their mind.

101. I'd say from day one when we read Kristen your letter, although it has been terrifying for her, it has also been her liberation, and as time passes she sees more and more how happy she is now compared to before. She says even her relationship with Lawrence is better, because she's not so obsessed with her body and working out as she used to be. It's been a very, very hard road for her to get this far‚ and I can testify that she has given it her all. She hasn't been able to give in one bit on the fight, because it's taken everything in her to go by faith, even when her old mindset screams out to her and causes her to have panic attacks.

102. Some of the foods she had to try to take a bite of actually sent her into a panic attack, shaking, crying, really fearful of taking even a bite of something that had a bit of fat or oil in it. We've prayed with her and held her and helped her through these times, and fear of certain foods is something she is making constant progress on. But I can't tell you how full of fear she was about almost every single food in the beginning. That's why at the point right before she received your letter she had stopped eating almost anything. She was terrified to put it in her mouth, and if she did, then she'd suffer strong condemnation for eating it. It had become a case of "damned if she ate" and "damned if she didn't eat"; everything seemed to carry a negative consequence.

103. What a sad picture of life. It was getting to the point where I don't think she would have lasted much longer without extreme help. I've never gotten involved so totally in someone's personal life as we have with Kristen. I don't know that this type of help is what everyone needs, but I can definitely say that with a problem so deep-rooted and intense, she needed all of us there for her 24/7—especially since the problem was connected to surviving and staying alive.

104. She's grown a lot spiritually and is able to do so much more on her own, but still needs regular shepherding, and wants it. But I don't know if she would have made it without literal full-time support in the beginning when breaking the Devil's stranglehold on her.

105. I'm so proud of her for being willing, for having the will to change and for going for it‚ by faith. Her mind was not always in agreement, because it was so messed up from the Enemy's lies. She was so used to hearing voices telling her how unworthy and ugly and fat and bad she was, telling her that she was a slob and a creep, etc.

106. It took the power of the keys and our wonderful Husband to break that hold on her mind, because she had come to believe those lies, and those lies are what motivated her to work and work and work to get skinnier and skinnier and eat less and less, and work out more and more. What a hell of a life!

107. She's told me that when she looks back at that old life and really thinks about what it was like, she never ever wants to go back there. No matter how hard it is to eat, and eat healthy foods, and to keep working on overcoming her fears of new foods‚ even if she has to fight and fight‚ she doesn't ever want to be back where she was in the Enemy's stronghold.

108. She's sure put in the hours on the battlefield‚ but in my eyes, she's won all the medals for bravery, persistence, faith, and not quitting. It's been very convicting to see someone with such deep and strong bondage be set free, and my prayer is that I can be half the fighter she has been through this.

109. I've been with her from the time she received your letter and made the commitment to change, and I can tell you‚ the things she's overcome through prayer and the power of the new weapons and the keys is nothing short of miraculous. She has her ups and downs and it hasn't been an easy road, but I'm so thankful to have regained a sister rather than lost her to the insanity of anorexia. And not only regained a sister, but gained a warrior! She's one of the first I will go to, to ask her to pray for me when I need it, as I have seen her in battle.

110. I am a bit concerned about testifying on her behalf about all the victories and all her fight, for I know the Devil hates a testimony of the defeat of his power—but still, she fights on, and I am so proud of her, Mama. I know you are too. Just from being in combat together all these months, I am thrilled to see the power of the Lord and His Words to deliver from such a severe problem. TYJ! All glory to Him!! The keys work miracles!! (End of letter from Amy.)

Beware of Online Sites
That Can Contribute to the Problem

111. (Mama: ) Something which contributed to Kristen's problem with anorexia before she made the commitment to change was going online and finding tips and whole chat rooms dedicated to helping anorexics become even more extreme in their horrible habits and deception. Kristen writes:

112. It all started with me going to some recovery sites that are like support groups online where girls chat together, try to help each other overcome anorexia, etc. I never chatted or anything; I just looked around and read stuff. But then somehow from there I found out that there was this whole underworld of web rings dedicated to helping people become anorexic, with tips on how to stay anorexic and how to trick others, etc. One night I went to them and spent a while reading it. I didn't learn anything new; it just solidified all my wrong attitudes. Of course, I felt very guilty after I read all that stuff‚ and it just made the victories that I knew I needed to gain much, much harder. So, the next morning I prayed about it‚ and got a good correction from the Lord, and never went to them again. But even just that one time really hindered me and solidified some of the attitudes that I had, and gave me more resolve to go further in my anorexic mindset and habits.

113. (Mama:) Following are excerpts of a transcript from a video documentary that we showed to our Home when we shared with them Kristen's prayer request and read my letter to her with them. At the time‚ we explained:

114. We're going to watch a half-hour documentary from a "20/20" news program that aired a few years ago. In many ways we wish we didn't have to show it, as it's not very pleasant viewing. It's not entertainment. It contains very graphic pictures of anorexia—what it is, how it develops, where it goes, and its long-term fruits. It shows the hurt and the pain. It shows how to help anorexics and how not to help them; the things to do and say‚ and the things that you shouldn't do and say. When we asked the Lord if we should show this video‚ the Lord said it was a necessary evil; it helps us, even though it's not pleasant to watch.

115. We'll have prayer now before watching, because it is very graphic, but the Lord said to show it. If anything, it will really stir us up to pray for Kristen‚ because you'll see what anorexia is, and the miracle it is that Kristen, living like she has been‚ is still alive and the Lord has kept her health—although there have been some very scary points where her heart was failing and her organs were shutting down. But the Lord has kept her due to our prayers and the safeguards of living communally with her loved ones and mates.

116. This video is about worldly people. They don't have the Word or the Lord's promises or the keys to the Kingdom to stand on, but it shows the power of love through this woman who has helped anorexics for years. She's had almost 100 percent success‚ whereas in hospitals they say it's an incurable disease. In the beginning it refers to her as a witch doctor. She doesn't use witchcraft, but it's because she's not a medical doctor. Not everything in the video will be applicable, but the Lord can show us what is and what isn't.

117. One thing that you might notice is the power of words—the power of this woman's encouraging words. The whole atmosphere is encouragement. So that's a good point to keep in mind, not only with anorexics, but with everyone.

118. Also, if encouraging words have that much power, just think how much power negative or discouraging words or someone's thoughtless comments can have. It's come up time and time again that many anorexics began their quest because of some off–the-wall comment that some unthinking person made from their worldly point of view of what is supposedly nice looking‚ and the girls got that idea in their minds and went off the deep end with it.

119. Men especially have to be very, very prayerful to not take what the System thinks is the ideal and apply that to your mates, companions, or friends, but be very, very careful and prayerful in your comments and attitudes toward them. Think about that and maybe pray about it.

"The Hunger Inside"

Excerpts from Video Transcript

(Narrator: ) You are about to be a part of an extraordinary experience: a journey into a bizarre world full of people (most of them girls), bent on their own destruction—and the inspiring battle to save their lives. It is the world of anorexia. What inner torment drives its thousands of victims to starve themselves, sometimes to death? How can their will to live be restored?

(Quotes from girls interviewed:)

"When I was about 16 I had many, many doctors tell me, 'You're gonna die‚’ and say to my mother to her face‚ 'In two weeks she's dead. So kiss your daughter good-bye.’"

"The hospitals will get your weight up, but they won't do anything about your mind. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's hell. It is hell."

"It just scared me so much, because this had become my life. I just thought … that anorexic is me, and that's who I am."

"The hospitals didn't help me at all. They didn't help me one bit. They were holding tanks and they kept me alive until Peggy came along and saved me."

(Narrator: ) In Victoria, Canada, there is a house known simply as The Mansion. Inside, the walls are lined with portraits of medical castaways, all victims of severe eating disorders. Their doctors and hospitals had written them off as dead, and they probably would be if they hadn't found this woman, Peggy Claude-Pierre.

For the last decade, Claude-Pierre has been the voice of comfort and reason, providing alternative treatment to over 400 patients, mostly young women, suffering from acute anorexia and bulimia. Her approach is intensely personal and her center has become a sanctuary to victims poorly served by traditional methods.

(Interviewer: ) Why do people send their kids to you?

(Peggy:) As a last hope. This is a complex and a very devious‚ deep mindset. A victim's mind is able to construct such negativity against themselves that the patient actually has a civil war going on in her head.

I blame no institution for their inabilities to cope with this condition. It is far deeper than anybody has any idea.

(Peggy with a patient:)

(Patient:) It makes you feel bad when you eat.

(Peggy:) How does it make you feel bad‚ darling?

(Patient:) It says you're fat.

(Patient:) Fat pig, hideous, disgusting, vile, ugly, dirty, tarnished, overweight, obese.

(Interviewer: ) This is how anorexia makes you feel?

(Patient: ) Yeah.

(Narrator: ) The calls for help come from around the world, but the scenario is always the same: A desperate parent or doctor looking for any way to keep an anorexic from dying.

In this case the patient is already a casualty of a system where high relapse rates lead to multiple hospitalizations—a system unable to prevent thousands of lives from being lost.

Eleven years ago, Peggy Claude-Pierre knew nothing about anorexia. She was separated from her first husband, raising two teenagers on her own, and working toward her doctorate in psychology. Suddenly her older daughter, Kirsten, began losing weight. In three months‚ Kirsten's weight plummeted from 120 to 80 pounds.

(Kirsten:) At the time it was a high. It was so exciting. Every time I'd get on the scale I was lower and lower. It was like, "My God, I'm getting slimmer, that's good!" But there was never a point when I was slim enough.

(Narrator: ) When professional help didn't work, Kirsten listened to her mother, and was turned around in three months. Then anorexia struck again; this time it was Kirsten's 13-year-old sister Nicole.

(Peggy:) I tried many psychiatrists. I tried calling clinics worldwide. The answer was always the same: "She will be a statistic within months."

(Nicole: ) I was worried my heart would stop, so I went to the fridge and got a strawberry and hoped that would keep me through the night. But even after whatever I'd eat, at midnight or at two in the morning, I'd still exercise in bed.

(Peggy:) I knew that what was in front of me wasn't my daughter. I knew this was a psychological disorder and I had to learn about it to turn her around.

(Narrator: ) So for the next year and a half, Claude-Pierre observed everything her daughter did, to try to find any way to save her.

(Peggy:) She'd run for eight hours a day and finally collapse in somebody's yard. I'd pick her up and bring her home. I never knew when I picked her up if she'd still be alive.

(Narrator:) Back then‚ no one knew the exact cause of anorexia. They still don't. But Claude-Pierre believes it comes from the unattainable effort to make everything right in their lives. Anorexics, she says, are perfectionists, worried about everyone else, not themselves. And when they realize they can't fix everything, then they begin to feel worthless.

That negative self-image is so vicious, so destructive, so powerful, that victims simply stop eating. To us it seems like a vanity issue, "They wanna lose weight!" But Claude-Pierre says that anorexia is really an unconscious attempt at suicide, because victims don't believe they deserve to live. Intuitively, Claude-Pierre realized that her daughter could never be left alone.

(Jesus speaking:) This dear woman has exposed more of the roots of this problem‚ but she has not uncovered the core issue—and that is that it is a direct attack on life by the Enemy. Feelings of worthlessness are a symptom which must be treated, but the bottom line of the matter is that the Enemy seeks to destroy life‚ and this is one of his deviant schemes to do so. You‚ My children, are aware, and thus can fight him much more effectively.

(Peggy:) Everything that she did to herself had a common thread of no self–respect. Nicole used to go around every day leaving little notes saying, "Nicole doesn't deserve to live‚" "Nicole needs to die," "I am a fat pig and don't you forget it." … Anything to degrade themselves.

(Narrator:) She was watching her daughter starve to death. Anguished, Claude-Pierre figured out the only solution: She would coax her daughter into eating again by distracting her negative thoughts with constant praise and unconditional love 24 hours a day.

(Nicole:) At midnight I'd hear my mom crying and letting down her guard. She'd had such a rough week with me, the torture, the waiting.

(Interviewer:) How did you know your daughter was beginning to turn around?

(Peggy: ) She began to smile again, but it took months. She probably didn't [smile] until after a full year.

(Interviewer:) You didn't get a smile out of your daughter for one year? How did you feel when you saw that smile?

(Peggy, crying:) I can't talk about it easily.

(Interviewer: ) It must have been the most awful experience for you.

(Peggy:) It was the most awful experience for them.

(Interviewer:) What's the prognosis for your daughters now?

(Peggy:) There's no problem.

(Nicole, smiling:) I never think about it. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Especially now, 'cause I'm pregnant.

(Interviewer: ) You saved your daughter's life.

(Peggy:) I never thought of giving up. It never occurred to me. [I just determined that] while there was any breath left in me, there would be in her. But the suffering they go through is something that nobody can really relate to.

(Narrator:) Word of her success spread quickly, and she started an outpatient service. Parents, patients, and physicians realized they could always find a sympathetic voice at the other end of the telephone.

For years‚ Claude-Pierre and her husband Harris brought dozens of dying children into their home. Then two years ago they bought this house and started the Montreux Counseling Center: a small, medically supervised clinic. Unlike other programs, the key here is one-on-one care around the clock. No patient is ever left alone, thanks to a team of five care workers for each anorexic‚ trained to bring constant comfort.

Her patients came from around the world. Last summer her center drew international attention when they took in Samantha Kendall‚ an English anorexic, who had already lost her twin sister to the condition. Samantha was near death herself.

(Peggy: ) I've been accused on occasion, by people with more sense than I have, of rushing in where angels fear to tread. What I have to say is that if people die of this, then the level of care must rise above what it is.

(Mackenzie, former anorexic patient:) I had so many people tell me that I was crazy and I would never get better, and the best I could do in this lifetime was to cope.

(Narrator:) Mackenzie Stroh was treated by Claude-Pierre four years ago and has never had a relapse.

(Mackenzie: ) I didn't think she could ever get me better. But to have someone say, "Well, I know what's going on inside your head, you can't get around me," that's so reassuring.

(Patient:) I had a lot of voices telling me what to do. Telling me not to eat. Telling me that I couldn't trust these people, that I had to exercise. It was just like having actual people inside your head telling you things and telling you how you felt and how bad you are.

(Peggy:) They have voices telling them they're unworthy and directing them to hurt themselves. Many of my patients in the acute stages have tried to [kill themselves in other ways]. There is a negative mindset that convinces them that they have to die.

(Interviewer:) Is it reasonable to ask whether the voices are real? Are they happening?

(Peggy: ) They're real to them. So that makes them very real.

(Peggy:) One of the common things that institutions do unwittingly is to tell people that if they eat this food it'll help fatten them up and then they can be released. I mean, that's totally counterproductive.

(Interviewer:) What's wrong with trying to fatten someone up who weighs 58 or 60 pounds?

(Peggy:) The term "fattening somebody up" is the worst thing that you can say to an anorexic. Unless they are psychologically ready to accept their worth, they are not psychologically ready to accept weight gain.

(Interviewer: ) But isn't it instinctive when you see somebody malnourished to want to give them food?

(Peggy:) To give them food is [important], but to talk to them and coax them as to their worth is just as important.

(Narrator:) But for all the painstaking care, her treatment really begins with her first contact. A young woman in England is, as usual, a total stranger. She's sinking fast and her parents want to send her to Canada. Claude-Pierre must convince the victim that she is worth saving.

(Peggy on phone: ) Sweetheart, can you imagine a place where people worry for you and you don't have to worry anymore? They just hold you and they talk to you.

(Donna, patient on phone:) I can't imagine letting somebody do everything for me.

(Peggy:) Can you think that maybe it's time that you had a turn at being first?

(Donna:) But you know, you don't feel worth anything.

(Peggy: ) I know, darling‚ but I know you deserve it. We know you deserve it. And I'd like to prove to you that it's your turn.

(Donna:) But I don't know if it will work.

(Peggy: ) Sweetheart, I'm telling you that it will work or I wouldn't invite you to come. Angel, you don't have to fight anymore; we'll fight for you. You don't have to do it yourself.

(Donna:) But I mean I don't want to ask anybody for anything.

(Peggy:) I know, darling. I'll give it to you without you asking. Come on out to us‚ honey. You never have to worry again about this silly thing. It's gonna go away.

(Peggy:) These victims will push away and alienate anyone who tries to help them. Mothers are oftentimes the first victims of that‚ because mothers or fathers will try anything to make sure their child is safe.

When I bring one through the clinic doors, I'm relieved because I know they'll be safe. I know, "Here's another life."

(Interviewer:) What is the average length of stay?

(Peggy:) Anywhere from nine months to a year before they're able to be out in the world. These kids have broken spirits and broken identity, and cannot contend with the normal pressures of life until they're taught how to cope.

(Interviewer:) Typically what happens during those first weeks when a new patient arrives?

(Peggy:) It's imperative in the first couple of weeks to establish a bond of trust that can never be broken.

It's really confusing for them because they're dealing with two things. They're dealing with the idea that they're finally going to be allowed to get better‚ and at the same time they're dealing with the fear of leaving the [lifestyle or] structure that they've been used to for so many years. But they also know that their head's going to give them an immense amount of trouble for being here [and for eating].

(Narrator:) The process that has so far saved hundreds of lives begins.

(Peggy: ) I weigh them backwards, so only I can see the numbers. The number will really affect their head. No matter what the number is, their head tells them to go and weigh less. If they're 60 pounds, they have to be 50. If they're 50, they have to be 40. I promise them that I will look after that. I will be responsible for that. I will take care of it. Their negative minds can never know a number and therefore they can never fight a number. It's not their responsibility.

(Interviewer:) Why does this particular disease require so much personal care, especially at the beginning?

(Peggy: ) Remember that the negativity that this person feels has taken a lifetime to develop. I'm fighting and reversing a lifetime's way of thinking.

(Narrator:) This intense personal care is Claude-Pierre's personal signature, realized with her small army of only 40 care workers. These men and women, many of them former anorexics‚ literally shadow their patients.

(Peggy: ) They sit up with them all night. And remember that anorexics sleep very little in the acute stage. It's comforting for the victim to wake up and see someone sitting there ready to comfort them and speak to them.

(Interviewer: ) This sounds like a direct outgrowth of your own experience with your children.

(Peggy:) It is, and it works.

(Narrator:) In fact‚ both her daughters now work at the clinic.

(Nicole:) There's nothing more reassuring for an anorexic than to have another anorexic talk to her knowing the language and knowing all the tricks. They trust you.

(Narrator:) Caseworkers are also trained to recognize the tricks anorexics play to avoid weight gain. They will sneak in exercise under the sheets‚ even poison their food.

(Peggy:) They try to hide their food up their sleeves, down their sleeves, in their boots‚ under the covers. That's why 24-hour care is mandatory, and the care workers are generally at arm's length of this person.

(Narrator:) In the acute stage, some patients are bedridden, physically and psychologically as helpless as baby birds to feed themselves.

(Peggy:) Some of them need hand-feeding because [their own minds don't allow them] to feed themselves. So the fact that I take responsibility, or the clinic takes responsibility, for the feeding, relieves them somewhat of the pressure of their negative brain yelling at them for having the audacity to eat.

(Peggy‚ feeding a patient:) It's all right, sweetie. There you go. That's a girl. Just keep looking at me, darling, right into my eyes. Squeeze my hand; squeeze it tight. No, no. Come on‚ darling. There you go, darling.

(Peggy:) The hand-feeding is merely to ease their minds about not feeling guilty about eating. If we are taking responsibility for feeding them, then their head can't beat them up so much. But often it does anyway and they go into trances.

(Interviewer:) Trances?

(Peggy: ) Trances. Absolute trances! There's no blinking of their eyes. They go into their head to listen to the voices that are putting them down.

(Narrator: ) But as the weeks and months pass, patients begin to gain weight by slowly accepting food again, eating small portions every two hours.

(Peggy: ) Do you like corn, yams?

(Patient:) Yeah, I like corn, but I don't like yams.

(Interviewer: ) You do a lot of touching.

(Patient to Peggy, hugging:) I love you so much.

(Peggy:) I love you too.

(Interviewer:) And there are a lot of terms of endearment: sweethearts and darlings.

(Peggy:) They need a lot of positive reinforcement because they have no ability to put into perspective that they're worth anything. If you can imagine a dog that's wounded or an animal that's kicked, I mean, the first thing you do is to pick the animal up and to hold it until it feels better. But somehow [in society] we don't feel that's right with human beings. It's interesting, isn't it?

(Peggy, talking with a patient:) Are we allowed to love you, little one? Are we allowed to love you, Jane? Why not, sweetheart? Why not, darling?

(Jane:) 'Cause I'm not to be loved.

(Peggy: ) You're not to be loved? Here, darling, why are you not to be loved? Why don't you deserve to be loved?

(Jane:) 'Cause I'm a horrible, bad person.

(Peggy:) 'Cause you're a horrible, bad person? Jane, listen to me. Look at me in my eyes, honey. Would you be here if you were a horrible, bad person?

(Jane:) It's a mistake.

(Peggy: ) It's not a mistake, darling.

(Jane:) I'm not to be here.

(Peggy: ) You're not to be here? Would I have invited a horrible, bad person to this place? I wouldn't have.

(Jane:) You don't know me.

(Peggy:) I don't know you? Jane‚ look into my eyes. I know you inside out. You're not a horrible, bad person; you're a very special little girl.

(Jane:) I'm worthless.

(Peggy:) You're worthless? No, darling.

(Jane:) I'm not to be saved.

(Peggy:) You're not to be saved, angel? It's okay‚ sweetheart. Jane‚ look at me. Look at me, no more crying. Look at me, darling. Jane, I am going to save you. And you are allowed, angel. You are allowed, sweetheart. We'll hold you until you're all better and you don't have this pain in you anymore. We will. No matter how hard your head fights. We're stronger and we're going to save you, Jane. We do it all the time‚ sweetheart.

(Peggy:) They don't think they deserve to live. It's not that they don't want to. Everybody wants to live if they know how to. They need a map to be shown, to be guided through to a point of possibility.

(Narrator:) Remember‚ Claude-Pierre views anorexia not as a disease about food, but a distorted self-image. So to put the voice of anorexia in perspective, she teaches her patients to separate themselves literally from the condition. One tool is the patient diary.

(Peggy: ) Given that we understand the condition as a separate entity from the patient … we give them these steno pads that have a line down the middle. We say, on one side put the condition, and on the other the patient.

(Interviewer reading from book:) "I wonder what she's thinking? This ugly geek sitting across from her, boring her to death." "You're making her uncomfortable. Don't talk to her, let her be."

(Interviewer: ) My God! So this is what's going through their mind.

(Peggy:) It's a running dialogue.

(Interviewer:) So you have them write down what they're hearing.

And in the other column she asks the patient to argue against the negativity:

(Reading from book:) "Stop‚ calm down. Don't repeat yesterday."

(Peggy:) As the patients progress, it gets better and better. By the third book it's empty on the negative side.

(Narrator: ) Full recovery comes at a cost. While a month's stay at a hospital averages more than $30,000, Montreux is half that. And a third of their patients who can't afford to pay the full amount are subsidized. But when there's an emergency, money never seems to be the point.

A young woman is in the hospital‚ dying of starvation. Her only hope is to accept a feeding tube in order to regain a minimal amount of strength. The young woman's body is breaking down. She has edema, the last stage of starvation, where the body actually swells from lack of protein. Although the pain is excruciating, she's frantic because she thinks she's gaining weight.

(Peggy, about the feeding tube:) Her head won't let her accept it. Her head won't let her do it and she's hoping that somebody has the strength and knowledge to save her life. She can't do it herself.

(Patient, on the phone with Peggy:) And now I'm even bloating more.

(Peggy: ) Angel, do you know why you became bloated? It's because your body needs to live on certain things, and one of them is protein.

(Patient:) And it won't go away. I know it won't go away. The swelling won't go down. This is my weight right now.

(Peggy: ) You know, angel, the swelling will go down. It always goes down, honey. It goes down only when you have protein in you.

(Patient: ) They'll make me have the tube plus eat. I can't do both.

(Peggy:) You know what, sweetheart‚ maybe just have the tube for starters.

(Patient:) I'm telling you now, Peggy, you don't understand these people. They won't listen to me.

(Narrator:) The patient's only hope for survival is the feeding tube, but under the law she has the right to refuse treatment. Claude-Pierre, summoned to help by a frantic mother, must convince the doctor to insert the tube.

(Peggy: ) It's impossible for the patient in this state of mind to make the choice. It's absolutely impossible for her to make a choice about being well. She doesn't deserve to live in her mind.

(Doctor:) As far as the legal system is concerned‚ she's competent, and if she doesn't want treatment, that's her decision.

(Peggy on the phone with the doctor:) So you're expecting her to die, Michael? Michael, she can live, but I need you to intervene as soon as you can. She doesn't have much time, and you're not going to feel better‚ and I'm not going to feel better if we don't try.

(Peggy:) I will be part of any team. It's going to be sheer hell to bring her back from where she is.

(Narrator:) Several hours later over the phone, Claude-Pierre successfully coaxes the patient into taking the tube.

A week later the patient is still alive. She's been fighting anorexia since she was 14. In all that time, five hospitals and 30 doctors have failed to help. Her mother clings to Claude-Pierre's advice and stays with her daughter around the clock. Miraculously, Shawna, her hair thinned from malnutrition, has kept the feeding tube in, but her mind is clearly consumed by anorexia.

(Shawna:) Can I get my weight right now?

(Mother: ) Well … I don't know … you have to ask the nurse on that. Because what'll happen, Shawna, if you get weighed and you see a larger number than you think? It's gonna be fluid‚ but you're not going to see it as fluid.

(Shawna: ) But I don't care.

(Mother:) That'll scare you even more.

(Shawna: ) At least it'll keep me from eating.

(Mother of an anorexic:) That illness has a grip that just won't let'm get better. It's an eating disorder, but it's like the eating disorder eats them up. It takes their whole mind and body and just destroys it. It takes a healthy person, a 24–year-old woman who maybe should be thinking about marriage or having their first baby or getting into their career, and everything like that is just taken away. It was like the last ten years didn't exist for my daughter. She stopped living at 15 years old. That's how I feel. Her life ended at 15 when she became anorexic.

(Interviewer to Peggy:) How can you take in yet another child whose family can't afford to pay for this?

(Peggy:) I'm not even sure how that's going to happen. I can't afford to, personally, but I'm hoping something will happen, because how can we afford to let her die?

(Interviewer:) You're bankrupt right now.

(Peggy: ) I'm not bankrupt, but all the equity in both the clinic and my private home and my children's home is used up for other people's children.

(Interviewer:) Is it worth it?

(Peggy: ) How can you put a value on human life? It is to us.

(Peggy:) When these children‚ these victims, know that there is hope in the world, that they can make it, they hold on. They're so incredibly tenacious. It's amazing to watch them follow through.

(Narrator:) Like most of those now treating eating disorders, Claude–Pierre has not yet done the follow–up studies to document her work. But just a few months ago on our last visit with this woman, this is what we found:That each of the patients gained something more than weight. Now they have another chance‚ at life. (End of video transcript excerpts.)

120. (Mama:) You'll be sorry to hear, as we were, that recently this dear woman who has done so much to help these lost girls was taken to court and lost her license to run this clinic. Apparently one of the girls who had been in her care reverted to anorexia after leaving the clinic and died. And of all things, they blamed this dear woman. We asked the Lord about it and He said:

121. The facts are the facts. The fact is that this woman was sincere and genuinely concerned about those who suffer from this affliction. She experienced it firsthand with her daughters, researched it, and had success in treating it. That is because she learned that love was the answer.

122. The Enemy doesn't like to propagandize the fact that love is the answer to anything. He is not for love, because he knows that love is of Me. I am love, so it shouldn't surprise you that the System went after this woman with a vengeance to discredit her. But as you said, you who are My sheep could see through the accusations. Though it was a sad ending to this woman's efforts and a personal setback for her, it doesn't take away from the truth. The various points and information she shares on the original video are helpful, and when mixed with the power of My love, Spirit, and the Word, will be helpful to My Family in fighting this affliction which has affected many.

123. This video shows that even in the System some have found that the only answer to anorexia isn't a medical one‚ but a spiritual one—love. It's so sad they don't realize it's My love. But you do, and sharing the answer with the Family will not only benefit them, but will also benefit those they witness to in the world who are searching for the answers to their problems. (End of message from Jesus.)

124. (Mama: ) Thank You Lord! Thank You for love! Thank You for what love can do—the power of love. Love is of You, Jesus. Love is God, and that's why this woman has been able to have such success. Thank You, Jesus‚ for Your love. Thank You so much for such a precious woman and how much love she's shown, and how she's helped the world to have hope that others could do the same. Even though they don't know it's Your love, You've given it and it's so precious. Thank You, wonderful Husband!

125. Thank You that Kristen and other Family girls who have gone through this haven't had to endure quite so much, because they've had You all the time. Even though they've been unyielded and disobedient‚ You still were with them and still were loving them, still helping them and always speaking to them. They've constantly had Your input, Jesus, which of course has helped them to survive. Thank You, Jesus, for that.

126. We thank You that with our prayers, and if they yield and continue to yield, that they're going to make it. They're going to make it wonderfully and totally yield‚ Jesus, because we know that You can do that. You're the Miracle Worker. You can do it, and You will do it if we all do our part. Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah!

127. Help all our folks in the Family, all the younger people and older people who are having these problems. Please, please, precious Jesus, help them to yield to You and to want Your voice and Your will over the Enemy's. They have the ideal conditions to be saved and be miraculously healed. Help us to pray for them. Please do the necessary miracles in their lives, Jesus.

128. After the meeting we had with our Home to pray for Kristen and show this video, I asked everyone to ask our Husband some specific questions which would help them to apply these lessons in their own lives, and also to become aware of any questions they might have concerning this situation. One of our young people received the following prophecy, which I want to share with you. God bless them for being open and honest about it and hearing what the Lord had to say. Not only were they strengthened, but now you can benefit too.

129. (Question: ) Are there any questions in my mind that I have regarding Kristen and her situation‚ or the things the Lord or Mama and the leadership have said about her?

130. (Jesus speaking:) After seeing the video of that sweet lady taking care of those girls, you wondered about the difference between what she was doing and what is being done to help Kristen. You asked Mama about it and got the answer, so it was no longer a question.

131. As she said, you in the Family have so much more than those out there; there is no comparison whatsoever. You have the truth and so many more treasures of My Word to back you up. You have prayer, My Word, prophecy, loving people all around you, support from friends—everything you need.

132. These kids that were going to that place had none of that. They couldn't see that the voices in their heads were just lies of the Devil‚ so they had to go about the healing process in a much longer way than you do.

133. You also didn't see everything that went on for the year the kids were there in that half-hour video. A lot went on to help them to eat and get over things, that weren't shown. At some point they all have to start eating‚ which is hard for them.

134. The thing that attracted the parents who sent their kids there was the amount of love that was shown, and the amount of support. But you have that even more so; you have a whole Family of people behind you when things like this happen.

135. So although the people in the video were doing their best and really helping the kids much more than doctors or the medical system could have ever done, the ones that are helping Kristen are doing much more, and with all of you here praying, there is no comparison. (End of message from Jesus.)

Jesus Has Enough for Everyone!

136. (Mama:) As Natasha mentioned in her log‚ at one point Kristen was hit with serious comparing battles regarding a young woman who was joining their Home who also had an eating disorder. God bless Kristen, it was a big battle for her, but she really went on the attack and prayed and heard from the Lord about it, and her support group all received messages from the Lord about it as well.

137. I want to share a few little excerpts with you here‚ because it shows the variety of things the Enemy will try to hit with when someone is recovering and making such great progress. He'll do anything he can to destabilize them and make their fight for victory harder. It also shows the great importance of reassurance and encouragement, and being there for the person who's recovering and making strides of progress.

138. (Dad speaking:) She feels she has to forsake her victory, the glory of the fight, and deep in her heart she feels she must even forsake those she has come to love the most and has gotten the closest to—Lawrence, and Natasha, and you [Amy]. She feels like she'll have to sacrifice what she knows is helping her in order to share that with the girl who is coming; it's scary and she feels like she will lose out in this deal.

139. What she doesn't realize is that Jesus has enough for everyone! He's not going to forsake her or make her sacrifice to the point of losing her own grip on victory. He's going to be enough for her, for this new girl, and for others in the Home as well. So part of the battle is getting past the fear of losing the help she knows she needs.

140. You can certainly reassure Kristen that your priority has been and will continue to be to help her through this. You will not desert her in any way, and you will stick with her through thick and thin. This is what mates do. They don't divorce at the first sign of problems, but they love on through the good and the bad times‚ and the "bad" times are what draw them even closer together. So reassure her that this is what will happen, not the other. She won't be left to fend for herself, and she won't have to give of her time with you in order to accommodate this dear girl who's coming. She will hardly have to give of Lawrence either, for he will be ever by her side, and even if he is friends with this other girl, his love will remain constant and supportive of her.

141. This is part of the Enemy's attack, to blow this out of proportion and make it bigger than it is. This is but one of the attacks of the Enemy‚ and he's just using the actual players in this scenario because they're available. It's not that this new girl is such a big threat to Kristen; it's just that she happens to be the one who is coming, and she happens to also have a problem. But problems are as varied as people. So even if two people have similar problems, that doesn't make them the same.

142. The Lord treats us very individually and measures out what we need in exact proportion to what He knows we can take, and He does that for every individual. He doesn't mete out things generically, but He's in the business of making tailor-made, special-order lessons‚ battles, and victories for us. That's another thing you can reassure Kristen about: She doesn't have to worry about people and what they will think about her and about this new girl. (End of excerpts from Dad.)

The victory will come as she faces her fears and allows Me to have full sway. As she feeds her body‚ she will also be feeding her soul because she will be obeying Me.

143. (Mama: ) I'm really proud of Kristen for her fight. There were innumerable huge, overwhelming battles, sometimes battles that seemed so similar in nature and so constant that she felt like she was making no progress. The condemnation and discouragement and frustration were nearly as great as the battle itself, in many cases. But she persevered, she hung on, and God bless her shepherds, they hung in there with her and were a rock of support and love and encouragement and firmness with her. They went to the Lord countless times with her and for her, and she was very faithful to use her own gift of prophecy to hear from the Lord and receive His answers.

144. Our wonderful Husband has blessed and honored and rewarded both Kristen and her shepherds, and she is now completely and totally healed! She's a different person! She's free of the cares and mindsets that so weighed on her and threatened to completely ruin her life. She's regained health and strength, and has lots of energy and far fewer physical afflictions. She's happy, fulfilled, full of life, and the Lord has blessed her and Lawrence with a little one on the way! It's a wonderful miracle! Praise our loving Husband and Deliverer!

145. Following are more testimonies from recovered anorexics, which shed further light on the thought processes and intimate workings of this disease and the Enemy's attack. One is from Tamar‚ another is from one of our dear young women on the field, and the last is from the spirit world, from Karen Carpenter.

Tamar's Testimony of Her Experience with Anorexia and the Lord's Deliverance

146. I joined the Family at the age of 17, but anorexia began in my life at the age of 15 with a few passing comments by the boys—comments like, "Hey, look at those thighs!" or "You're getting kind of chunky, aren't you?" and the worst of them all, "Didn't you used to be nice and skinny?"

147. I was a shy and insecure person, a bit of a loner. I was also studying art, and because of this artistic preoccupation with how things look and wanting perfection, the outward appearance meant everything to me. Even though I had a very negative self-image and mindset‚ I was at the same time obsessed with improving and perfecting my self-image. Those comments devastated me, and immediately propelled me into a crash diet, a diet which slipped subtly into the disease of anorexia—which was to control my life for close to three years.

148. In those days, little was known or publicized about this illness. My father was the only one who confronted me with the idea that I might have this strange eating disorder he'd been researching about called anorexia nervosa. It's no wonder he noticed something wrong, as I was losing weight very rapidly. I was skipping breakfast, either throwing away or giving away my packed school lunch, and then making a token appearance at the dinner table, only eating a very small amount of food—just enough to not really sound the alarm bells too loudly.

149. I believe I slipped across the fine line between extreme dieting into the domain of anorexia when I began feeling that I was in a war against food. Food was my enemy, and anyone who tried to make me eat was then also the enemy. I became deceptive, secretive, and outright lied about what I was eating or not eating and how much.

150. Because I couldn't stomach making myself throw up, I'd drink whole bottles of laxative at a time, in hopes that it would purge my body quickly of any food I had eaten without it being digested. All this deception didn't matter to me, so long as I reached my goal. Food and the avoidance of it at all costs controlled my entire life. I didn't attend social events, school functions, or even simple outings with family or friends if it involved food. I always had an excuse to avoid eating.

151. Then I left home for art school. For me it was freedom, but freedom in the area that mattered most to me: I was now free to eat what I wanted and as little as I wanted without anyone watching or questioning. I was to spend the next 1½ years in an all-girls hostel, in my own little room, attending art school during the day.

152. It was then that the voices started‚ and from that point on I continued to hear those voices all day long. Wherever I went, they went. They told me that I could achieve happiness by being very thin, that this was the key to a successful love life and the love and acceptance of others. I heard those voices every time I looked in a mirror: "You're still too fat."

153. I lived on a crazy diet of fruit‚ vegetables, and thin soups. I kept a notebook and faithfully logged every calorie I ate. If I "sinned" and ate too much (like an apple and carrot instead of just a carrot!), then I would exercise for hours, or eat nothing for days at a time, until I felt I'd paid for my indulgence.

154. It got to the point that no matter how much I continued to lose weight, almost getting down to my desired weight of 6 stone (around 80 lbs) all I could see when I looked in the mirror was fat; that's truly all I could see. Any tiny little bit of fat, wherever it was on my body, meant I wasn't winning this war and I was failing, so I had to keep losing more.

155. The worst part of my lonely existence was how loud those voices were at night. Because I was almost always hungry, I slept very little and sporadically, and in order to drown out the voices, I'd turn on my radio real loud and put it on the pillow beside me. Sometimes when the voices were too loud‚ I'd get up in the night and do extreme exercises for two hours, all because I'd eaten a late night snack of a carrot before going to bed, and needed to work it off and do "penance" to ease my guilt.

156. I hated the control those voices had over my mind, and yet I was caught in this vicious cycle in which I was their prisoner. I was a slave to those voices because of my vanity, obsession with self-image, and my very low self-esteem and feelings of negative self-worth. I had opened the door and invited them into my life. For me, in my warped spirit of anorexia, I thought I was merely listening to the voices of inner conviction‚ voices that I really believed were there to help me achieve happiness and a feeling of self-worth and self-perfection.

157. Because I didn't have the Word or any sort of standard of truth in my life, I was unable to step outside of myself or this disease into reality, to see things as they really were. My mind and perception on everything had definitely been altered. It's as if I were looking through the mind-altering glasses of anorexia, because what I saw and believed to be so was different from everybody else.

158. Over the next six months I yo–yoed in weight, up and down continually, even getting back up to what I originally was when I first started dieting. I even stopped my extreme dieting and started eating the meals that were served, but still the voices were there coaxing me back into extremism. So I moved from one compulsive extreme to another, from binge eating to then purging myself for my overeating by fasting for days and days. I was still caught in this yoke and cycle of bondage.

159. It's important to know that you can be a normal weight, even slightly bigger than other girls, and still be anorexic. You don't have to be super thin to be an anorexic, and the same goes for bulimia. That's what I came to know years later when I realized that I did indeed have anorexia. It's all a matter of the control this disease has over you—how much you have yielded to it, to the point where it has complete control over your thinking and eating habits.

160. Thank God I met the Family and I was immediately delivered from the grip of anorexia. Of course, I wasn't even aware I had anorexia, and I hadn't told anyone about my eating habits‚ so it wasn't until years later that I realized that I had been delivered in a truly miraculous way—an overnight miracle. When I joined the Family I was so overjoyed at my salvation and my new wonderful life serving Jesus and winning souls that I didn't care about food anymore. I ate what was set before me gladly, not even paying attention to what I was eating. Food was no longer a preoccupation for me, because the Lord had filled my life and heart and spirit with all the important things. Finally I had found my true security. I felt loved unconditionally as I never had before, and had a true sense of self-worth in being His and following my destiny as His disciple.

161. You might wonder why I asked for prayer against the spirit of anorexia and this temptation in my life when Mama shared Kristen's prayer request with the Home. The Lord showed me that even though He did deliver me from the grip of anorexia when I joined the Family, because I had caught and then harbored this disease within my body for a few years, it was like still having a few strains or threads of anorexic "bacteria" in my blood. Even though at present these bacteria are dormant, because I have this weakness in my system, this makes me more susceptible than others to this disease. In my case, having these bacteria doesn't make me immune to the recurrence of the disease; in fact, my resistance to it is lower.

162. It is definitely something I'm going to have to stay on guard against‚ similar to how an alcoholic can't go into a bar or touch one drink. These strains of anorexic bacteria within me are not enough for the disease to resurface so long as I don't yield to this weakness or temptation within me—so long as I don't allow my train of thought to dwell on or go down that negative, anorexic path again. This is my part of the bargain in order for the Lord to keep me free and delivered.

163. Because I've had temptations—even going on quite strict and what you might call extreme diets from time to time over the years—I know that this battle with anorexia is no light thing. It can resurface again after many years. But with me, the key to keeping the victory is in the yielding factor: Will I yield to past thought patterns and my weaknesses along this line, or will I resist them and yield to the Lord? Because I have a weakness toward comparing and negativity, and knowing the grip and power anorexia has over the mind, I know that this is probably going to be an ongoing weakness I'll have to continue to resist in my life to some degree or another.

164. But thank God for the wonderful and miraculous deliverance our wonderful Husband gave me many years ago, almost like a package deal along with His free gift of salvation and the infilling of His Spirit. The Lord told me that because I didn't have the Word or any spiritual weapons to help me in the fight against anorexia, He made it easy for me and was able to do this wonderful miracle in the spirit because of my yieldedness in forsaking all instantly to follow Him. He told me that when I was filled with His Spirit that any other spirits that were not of Him had to flee‚ and so at that time the spirit of anorexia had been bound and cast out. So thank You, Jesus, our wonderful Savior and Deliverer, for Your unending mercy and power to deliver!

A Living Death—Story of an Anorexic

(All names in the following story have been changed. This is the true story of the life of one of our young Family teens who suffered from anorexia from age 14 to 15, written November 2000.)

165. "Susie, time to wake up!" Katie's voice softly echoed as I struggled into a sitting position, after having been lying in bed awake for the past half-hour. My room instantly became a blur, as I strained to focus. "Thanks for waking me up," I mumbled, as Katie left the room. "Well‚ I'd better get up," I said to myself, as I jumped into a standing position. The room began to spin and grow dark. "No you don't," I said, as I steadied myself and began to walk. I made my way to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water. Cup in hand, I sat down to read a GN. After 45 minutes, I threw the GN down in frustration, having only read two pages.

166. To our poor befuddled reader, this may just sound to you like Susie seriously needs a pair of glasses. But no, sadly, this is a typical day in the life of Susie as a developing anorexic.

167. My day went on in like manner. At lunch, I gingerly cut myself half a slice of bread to put under my scoop of vegetables, while I took small bites to make it last longer. As I brisk-walked to my mom's place a few hours later, my mind raced ahead to what I would eat for dinner that night. "I hope it's nothing she's already made," I thought to myself, "as then I can't see what she puts in it." As I started up the flight of stairs leading to my mom's door, my head spun, and I reached for the nearby railing to again steady myself. "Don't worry‚" I tried to reassure myself, "when you get up the stairs you'll get to eat and sit down."

168. Dinner was a five-minute affair in which I nibbled some cheese crackers and a few carrot sticks. Conversation was the prime way to get the attention off my dinner plate, but to my dismay, I had grown increasingly crabby.

169. "Why don't you chew with your mouth closed!" I angrily snapped at my little brother. "It's so disgusting how you slurp up those noodles! I can't believe you have friends who even sit with you at the table!"

170. "Just shut up!" my brother yelled back.

171. The conversation continued on in this way for a few more seconds until Mom walked in and quieted us both. I sat in silence, lost in my thoughts for a few minutes, after which I excused myself to go to the bathroom and began to violently vomit. "Stop it!" I inwardly screamed at myself. "I don't WANT to throw up this time!" Tears came to my eyes as the stomach acid scorched my throat. "What am I doing?" I asked myself‚ as I gazed tearfully out of the small window. "I never meant for things to get like this. I never thought it could be such ... hell!" "But no," I reminded myself, "anything's better than feeling fat. Now at least I feel loved by my friends, and that's all that matters."

172. I slumped down to the floor, my head buried in my hands as I cried from exhaustion. I stayed there until I heard the sound of someone knocking at the door. It was my brother. "Are you all right, Susie?" he asked.

173. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

174. I stood up, washing my face, and flushing the toilet behind me, as I pasted a smile on and opened the bathroom door. "Sure‚ Simon, I'm cool‚" I said as confidently as I could, hoping he wouldn't notice my puffy, red eyes, or the fact that I took his hand to keep my own from shaking. As I lay in bed that night, my thoughts drifted backwards. "I wasn't always this way," I reminded myself, as my mind drifted off to past experiences:

175. "Oh my God‚ Susie! You've got such a big butt!" Sandy said loudly as we piled into the van after get-out.

176. "I do?" I wondered out loud, hurt, and curious to know if those bifocals I'd never needed were now a necessity.

177. "Yeah, and your legs! If you like looking chunky, or what do they call it now ... 'sporty,' you're fine, but if you ask me, you should try and lose some weight!"

178. I winced as similar scenes replayed themselves in my head. Finally I could take those thoughts no longer. I sat up, threw on a bathrobe, and stepped out onto the balcony where I could see the lights of the city blinking bright. Despite the warm breeze, I shivered as I took in the fresh air. "No, Susie, there's no way you're gonna let those things get said about you ever again!" I said aloud as I turned, and with fresh resolution, headed back to my bedroom.

179. Weeks later ... "Susie, you awake, sweetheart?" Auntie Rose softly whispered. I'd lain in bed awake for the past hour, but kept my eyes shut, as if that would somehow block the day from playing itself out. Finally, I opened my eyes, and with a plastic smile‚ confirmed to Auntie Rose that I was indeed coherent.

180. I took in my figure a few minutes later. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror smiling with pleasure, as I turned from side to side. "Lordy, thank You for letting me be this way!" I thought to myself. "Now I don't have to feel self-conscious when I wear clothes like these!" I finished quietly to myself as I slipped on a small tank top. "Time for breakfast," I added, leaving the bathroom door slightly ajar.

181. My food was a hastily gulped down apple, as we were in a hurry to get to the Teen/YA fellowship on time. The two-hour bus ride was a gray blur of meaningless shapes and figures. The thoughts that had always been a part of my once-active mind were long gone, as I lacked the energy to even focus my eyes, much less hold any patterned thought. In my case, the absence of thought came as blessed peace in comparison to the morbid fears which I relived daily.

182. I had resisted the thought so many times that perhaps what had been said to me months before were not as things truly were, so my fears of getting fat had become surprisingly real to me. They were my reality, and my every waking moment was spent in its grip.

183. Arriving at the house for the fellowship, I was greeted with hugs, smiles, and the cheery voices of my friends. As we sat and talked, for a moment I was able to forget the dizziness that was fast descending like a cloud on me.

184. Finally, it was lunchtime. As we made our way to the table, I excused myself from my friends and stumbled into the bathroom, where I collapsed into a messy pile of tears. In place of the long-gone hunger pangs‚ my head had now begun to ache, as if something was attacking it and causing me to have to momentarily close my eyes to even see straight. The next ten minutes of my sobbing apparently hadn't done much for my now equally sad makeup job. With shaking hands, I hurriedly tried to fix myself up and straighten my tangled mop of hair. My now familiar fake smile magically reappeared as I stepped back into the circle of friends.

185. That lunch was a drawn-out affair, the majority of which was promptly disposed of in the toilet. I brushed my teeth for the fifth time in the space of the past five minutes.

186. As I glanced up from my toothbrush to my reflection in the mirror, I jumped at the empty‚ dark-circled eyes that stared back at me. "If I hadn't known who this was, I'd think I was on drugs or something," I thought. Surprisingly, the thought of it didn't faze me. "It's not entirely my fault I'm this way, anyway," I told myself. "Those girls I used to live around were constantly bitching to me about my weight‚ if not in front of me, then behind my back! And what about my friends?" I distinctly remembered one of my "good friends" after my constant badgering to "tell me the truth," how she had replied with, "You don't look bad or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds."

187. This memory hurt worse than all the rest, as it was coming from one that I would actually consider a friend. While the comment in itself wasn't so bad, my mind had blown it up, due to my refusal to believe the people who were telling me otherwise. "I was asking for it," I told myself, between gulps of water. With that I left the bathroom to join my friends that were headed for the hoops.

188. "Susie, you've lost so much weight," one of my girlfriends whispered quietly to me as I tied my shoes. "Are you feeling all right? You're not getting sick, are you?"

189. "What makes you think that?" I answered, maybe a little too quickly.

190. "Well, just every time I see you, you're smaller, and …"

191. "Hey‚ it's okay," I cut in, "I'm fine! Ask me again next time you find me convulsing on the floor," I joked with a smile.

192. "Okay, that's all I wanted to hear," Shelly laughed as she stood up. "Let's just get on the courts, whaddaya say?"

193. "Fine by me," I answered with a smile.

194. Two weeks later ... the days had become a spin for me, along with the majority of their events. My morning weigh-ins had become one of the day's few high points. As my eyes met the number on the scale, I stepped back in disbelief for a second. "43 kilos! That's my least (or best) ever!" (Those two words held similar meanings for me these days.) "I look great‚ though‚" I told myself. People around me seemed to have a different idea.

195. "Susie‚ you're so, so skinny!" Auntie Rachel remarked. "You look sick as well!"

196. I could tell she was thinking "sick" as in terms of the word "hospital," but I pushed the thought aside as quickly as it came. I mumbled some lame answer, and left the dining room to put on another layer of clothes—not to cover myself as much as to try and warm my icy fingers and toes. "Maybe a walk will clear my head," I tried to tell myself.

197. The next few days blended into one endless ritual of waking up‚ exercising frantically, resting, and occasionally eating. I can remember snatches of events here and there ... growing more and more detached from people and things than ever. Walking down the road trying to hold back the tears that threatened at any time to spill ... bumping against a moving shadow, or was it ... a person? Because of my increased detachment from the world around me‚ my personal appearance had taken on less importance, and I allowed my now sunken eyes and colorless cheeks to escape without the usual foundation I used in an attempt to try and conceal them.

198. It was October 6, 1999, when I hopped on my bike to go for my customary hourlong exercise.

199. But there was something wrong. I couldn't describe it, but it came as a sinking feeling to my stomach, a passing whisper to my barely coherent senses. "Don't go out today..." I paused to consider my options. I couldn't run, the exercise video was out, and the only other exercise vigorous enough for me was my bike. "What if you just miss this one day?" came the whisper to me. "NO!" I said, nearly growing hysterical at the thought. "I can't ... I won't!" I finally said, as I pushed off the kickstand.

200. The road swung ahead. The passing movements, known to others as cars, barely registered. A twelve-year-old kid on his bike whistled. I took it in, but with disgust for myself at what I had become. My thoughts went back to simpler days when life was pure joy. In those days I had no need to hide behind a plastic smile or fake kindness to somehow delude myself into escaping life's problems. "I want to get away‚" I breathed, pedaling faster as I gained momentum. I raced down a hill, pedaled some more, and turned in the direction of the house, hoping no one would notice my being gone an extra hour.

201. As my bike spun forward, I thought of the people who'd made remarks in their clumsy attempts to make me stop the harsh lifestyle I'd inflicted on myself. People's concerned comments had grown in number, as I'd come closer to attaining "the ideal weight" for myself. My mind raced on. "They're more than ready to point the finger at me now‚ but what about when I wanted someone's help? Where were they then?" The small feelings of respect I'd once held for the "interfering types" was now replaced with a dull hatred for them. "While I was still relatively 'healthy looking,' they said nothing," I said between clenched teeth.

202. Now I had made a decision—one which I daily renewed with increased fervor, as I even now said to myself with a tone of finality: "God, it would take something like a car accident for me to ever stop living like this! Now, I wonder how many calories I've burned in comparison to the workout video?"

203. October 9, 1999. Opening my eyes slowly, I was immediately met with the harsh sunlight streaming through the open curtain. For a short moment I eyed my surroundings suspiciously. "This isn't right," I thought to myself. The flowered wallpaper of my bedroom walls was replaced by a comparatively plain white paint. The room smelled sterile and the faint odor of some undetectable substance hit my nose shortly afterward. I looked down at my body, which was now covered with a makeshift gown. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. My attention was now drawn to my seemingly immobile arm, which had begun to ache with a dull intensity. A fat needle was inserted squarely into my vein, which was obviously being pumped with some sort of a dark fluid. "MOM!" I screamed hesitantly at first. And again, with renewed volume, "Someone! Anyone!"

204. Upon hearing the patter of footsteps I immediately stopped, for fear of the unknown if nothing else. It was Mom.

205. "Where am I?" I asked, albeit a good deal quieter.

206. "You don't remember, sweetheart?" my mother asked, a little bewildered.

207. "What don't I remember?" I asked, my suspicions mounting steadily.

208. "You were in a car accident‚ honey," she replied. "You've been in here for the past few days healing up, as it was pretty serious."

209. "I should say so." I answered indignantly. "What's this doing stuck in my arm? And why can't I move my upper torso?"

210. "You've had several breaks in your upper body region," Mom answered firmly. "And you are going to be here longer than we both hope you are, if you don't take it easy."

211. "Okay, okay," I backed down. "I just don't remember anything."

212. Mom then proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to my hospitalization. "There was a driver ... on a suspended license ... hit you … smashed the bike ... called 911 ... paramedics ... questioning me ... the ambulance ride. …" I searched my memory in hopes of finding a faint recollection of that day. I could find none.

213. Mom's voice continued… "The doctor operated on you, but you now have two metal plates holding the fracture in your skull in place," she finished as she carefully readjusted herself on the hospital bed.

214. "So what now?" I asked, as I took a sip of the water next to my bed.

215. "Well, the doctor will be in to check on your bones and their healing.…" Mom's voice trailed off, leaving room for the next question.

216. "But what?" I asked seriously, lowering my voice.

217. "The doctor says you are seriously underweight‚ and has scheduled you to visit a specialist in eating disorders like yours‚" she added softly. I only nodded my head in acknowledgment. Too tired to protest, I smiled faintly for her benefit, as my eyes slowly shut.

218. Eating over the next couple of days was one of the hardest things I'd, till then‚ been asked to do. Not only was I expected to take in a comparatively enormous amount of food compared to my usual intake, but I had to do it having my jaw wired shut, due to the injury. My food was therefore liquefied. Yuck, yuck! The eating specialist, or "shrink" as I later came to know her, was straight and to the point. She explained to me the details and problems anorexics face, and more importantly, told me in no uncertain terms just where the mind frame I'd allowed to become a part of me would take me.

219. "You've been walking a fine thread, Susie," she said, looking me straight in the eyes, "one that has been steadily unraveled the more you gave in to the anorexia. Before now, you watched the thread unravel, choosing to place the blame on the girls who 'drove you to it.' But the choice is yours. Susie, you are the only one responsible for what you are today, and you have the power to change that mind frame."

220. That statement hit me like a thunderclap. I knew the truth of what the "shrink" had said‚ and being faced with the realization that, yes, I was the one to blame, was a hard saying. Fortunately for me, I accepted it and began the baby steps that eventually put me on the road to recovery.

221. By the time you read this, it'll have been a little over a year since my accident. It's been a year of recovery for me, both physically and mentally. I had become so fearful of life, and people's love, that learning to open my true self to others and begin reaching out again is something that I am, even now, learning how to do more fully. All I can say is, it's a miracle that I have come this far in a year, as anorexia had become a way of life for me. And as I'm sure you know, those lifestyle habits can be some of the hardest to kick.

222. What continues to amaze me is the ability I now have to put this on paper, as my previous attempt four months ago was met with buckets of tears, and not a little hyperventilating (imagine imaginary grin).

223. In closing, I'd like to add this last statement. It's been a long and difficult road, and I've spent the past year of my life retracing the steps I allowed myself to take in the wrong direction, which almost led to my death—not only through the car accident, but through a cardiac arrest‚ and another time where I was nearly hospitalized again due to a weight drop.

224. I understand now that there is more to me than the outward appearance, and that my outward appearance will never compensate for what's missing inside. Now, although relapsing is a battle I'm sometimes faced with, I see it for what it really is: A pathetic cop-out on God's greatest gift to us all—life!—Susie (16).

225. P.S.: Upon writing this, I thought it might be useful knowledge for you, the reader, if I went into a little more detail of what we as anorexics/bulimics face, and some of our outlooks. While every case is different, there are some typical "no-no's" that do exist if you're trying to help someone who you suspect is dealing with this.

1. It's better not to make the table a battleground, and better not to approach the subject in public at all. Drawing attention to the dinner plate [in front of others] only makes us feel more justifiably self–conscious and can end up in a lot of tension on both sides. Rather, try to get to the root of what is causing the apparent change in behavior, and don't stop until you've reached the bottom of it. It's not enough to peck at the weed itself; if you never dig for the root, it'll be there still.
2. Talking about subjects such as diets, fattening foods, who's fatter, thinner, or even more popular can be a real stumbler for a recovering anorexic, as these were the very subjects that fed my reason for being anorexic. It gave me a sense of control, as I felt I had an edge on other people.
3. Be supportive. Be a friend. Let them know that you love and accept them for who THEY are, not for what they LOOK LIKE. It's easy to assume that you know the answer to our problems. We need to feel LISTENED TO and be able to pour out everything. When I was first slipping into this problem, I secretly wanted someone to be there to just comfort and reassure me. So in my awkward way, I went around asking people who I knew if they thought I was fat. Sounds stupid, I know, but I thought that by doing that, it just might increase my chances of being noticed and approached in a loving way about my concerns. I wanted someone to listen and to be there for me during the battle, someone that I felt comfortable approaching for prayer when needed. As it was‚ I grew to hate adults and SGAs that asked me about my problem when I was rail thin, as I felt that they figured I was all right as long as I looked healthy. Please be aware of this. We're supposed to be a Family of Love. Does our love reach out even at the expense of our own individual schedules?
4. If you are helping someone to recover, you can't expect them to get over it in a day. I remember freaking out at the large plates my mom would put in front of me right after my hospitalization, and puking up what little I had eaten as a result. A gradual change of habit, I found, worked best for me. We're not used to having lots of food in our stomachs, and too much at one time can provoke an automatic physical reaction of throwing up, so please be mindful of that.
5. Chances are‚ we probably already feel like all eyes are on us at the table, once the subject of an eating disorder has been brought out, so try not to add to it with thoughtless comments about our problem. That only serves to alienate us more.
6. Last, but definitely not least, try taking the time to read something with us. You never know what a difference you will have made unless you try, and I can say for a fact that the Word and my connection with Jesus is the only thing that has kept and is still keeping me from letting go all over again.
7. Don't give up on us. We need you, and are desperate for your love and acceptance, even when we seem to be hopeless cases. Your prayers can still change things for us.

A Message from Karen Carpenter

Karen Anne Carpenter (1950-1983) and her brother Richard dropped out of college in the 1960s to form a group and play music. Their first album wasn't a success. But the group's next single, released in 1970, went straight to number one and became their first gold record. A string of hits followed over the next six years.

But as the decade progressed, Karen developed anorexia‚ an eating disorder. In 1975‚ with her weight at eighty pounds, Karen became too ill to perform.

In November 1981 Karen moved to New York City to get treatment for anorexia. A year later, proclaiming herself cured, she moved back to California, but three months later, having spent the night with her parents, Karen was found by her mother passed out on the floor of her bedroom. She was taken to the hospital, but could not be resuscitated. Her death was attributed to heart failure due to anorexia nervosa.

226. (Karen Carpenter: ) Some of you may have read about my problem with anorexia in the Free Zine some time ago (Zine 32), but I hope you don't mind if I expound a bit more on the subject. The Lord asked me to share some of the lessons I've learned, having been an anorexic, in hopes that it might help some of you who battle this affliction or are tempted with it.

227. I can sum my lessons up for you in two words: self-perfection. I was one of those people who likes to get things done right. Not just right, but perfectly right. You can ask those who worked with me during my singing career. I had a gift‚ a beautiful gift, but I constantly wanted to be sure we got it right. There's nothing wrong with getting your work right. The danger is when you become obsessed with it and it becomes an all-encompassing work of the flesh. You constantly see the flaws, the imperfections, the parts you got wrong, and you strive to get it "right."

228. Thinking of yourself and what you do in a constant critical light doesn't help matters. Then no matter what you do, no matter how "perfect" it is to others‚ it's never good enough to you. It's like you, yourself, take on the full responsibility of what you do, your actions, the way you look, and pretty soon you're caught in this downward spiral of bondage to the Enemy. He's the ultimate in letting you know just how imperfect you are and that you must strive to be perfect—with the emphasis on you doing the striving, not with anyone else's help, and especially not anything to do with the Lord's help.

229. The outcome of this kind of lifestyle is that you end up miserable, never satisfied with yourself or anything you do, and constantly striving to get it "right." Either getting it right in your work, or getting it right in making your body "perfect," and then you start looking at those around you, thinking how "wrong" and "imperfect" they are or must be. All the while this demon of anorexia has you chained, and he's pulling you to the brink of destruction—death—and no matter how hard you try, you just grow weaker and weaker and weaker until he wins and you lose.

230. That is one reason all of you who know the Lord and have the privilege of being educated in His Words should be very thankful. The Lord and His Word can break the chains and free you. Not only that, you have prayer and spiritual help that is available at your bidding and which the Lord is happy to give you. He can totally transform you, renew your mind, transform it, and help you learn new habits to replace the old ones.

231. I wasn't happy with the way I looked. Sure, I heard unkind and unloving comments and they didn't help‚ but the bottom line was I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I saw myself as so plain, and the women around me as so beautiful.

232. Now that I'm no longer on Earth, the Lord has revealed to me something I hadn't noticed and that the Enemy did his best to make sure I didn't notice while I was there—that the majority of the people on Earth are not what the System portrays as "beautiful" or "handsome." They are not all stunningly beautiful women or handsome men who fit the System image that is plastered all over the magazines and in the movies and TV and on billboards worldwide, making people think it must be the "norm"!

233. It's not there! It's a fallacy! It's a farce! It's a direct and concerted campaign against God! How's that for a piece of truth?! Those images you see as "beautiful" and "sexy" are a big bunch of baloney! They are few and far between and they aren't natural. Because their standard is the standard of man—man's opinions and man's viewpoint, both of which have been thoroughly influenced, flavored, and dictated by the Devil. Man looketh on the outward appearance, and so does the Devil. A lot of the "outward appearance" you see isn't even real! It's made to look perfect through the help of cameras, computers‚ and touch-ups, perfecting those imperfect images so what you're seeing isn't necessarily the way it even looks in real life!

234. The Devil is going to make sure you concentrate on that outward appearance too! Because God looks on the heart, the spirit, the real you. The more you try to perfect yourself in the flesh, in whatever way you do it, the further you get away from the spirit and the way God intended you to be.

235. That's not to say God intended for people to be unkempt, by any means. But have you ever noticed that some people that you wouldn't necessarily classify in your carnal mind as "attractive" or "beautiful" or "handsome" are that very way to you? The secret is the Spirit. It's the Spirit that makes you truly beautiful and attractive and handsome. But it's hard for men and women to see that, because you live in a physical world and the ways of the spirit aren't that "visible" to you. You in the Family have some of the most exposure to the spirit world and the ways of the spirit, and you are some of the most spiritually minded people on Earth, and yet you struggle.

236. I have come to learn that it's because the flesh wars against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh. It's a constant struggle for humans to yield to the spirit, and it can only be done through the miraculous power of God. You have to desire it; you have to take steps to make it part of your life, to pray and ask for the Lord's help. But it is possible, and you who are called as the Lord's Endtime Army are a privileged group of people. You have been given so much truth and insight and access to the power of God that you possess the means to truly be as God wants His children to be.

237. I wish I could have understood that I didn't have to be perfect or look "perfect"—the way I perceived perfection. I just didn't get that point until it was too late. But you in the Family don't have to get to that point. You can be "perfect" today, this very moment! His grace is sufficient for you! His strength is made perfect in your weakness. His grace will make you perfect! Please accept His grace today. Forget the works of the flesh and be set free! Thank you for letting me share these lessons with you. God bless you all! (End of message from Karen Carpenter.)

Questions to Ask the Lord

238. (Mama:) Following are the questions that I asked Kristen to pray about when I wrote her the initial letter. They are good questions for anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder and who needs to get to the root of what is causing it and how they can overcome it.

1. What unyieldedness do I have in my life? What am I not accepting? In what way am I rebelling against Your will and truth? What is stopping me from receiving the full victory You want to give me?
2. What do I need to do to get rid of that unyieldedness‚ lack of acceptance, and rebellion?
3. How is my pride manifested?
4. In what ways do I lie, cover up, and deceive those I live with?
5. What do I need to be willing to change and accept and yield to?
6. What does my relationship with my shepherds need to be like?
7. Please show me how my life is in danger, how if I continue with my present eating and exercise habits, it will cost me my life. Please explain why I deserve to live.
8. Please give me a message about the power to rise above, there being no impossibilities‚ and how I can use the keys of the Kingdom to overcome this long–standing attack of the Enemy and gain lasting victory.
9. Define "victory." In other words, Lord‚ what will victory look like? What can I expect to be like when I have the victory? Knowing that "the victory" is something that at this point in time will look undesirable, help me to see how I can want it enough to fight with everything within me to get it.

In Conclusion

239. I realize that all of this attention on eating disorders might be embarrassing or uncomfortable for some of you, if you have problems along these lines—especially if you've succeeded in keeping it a secret or relatively unnoticed so far. You might wonder where to go from here. The Lord has clearly exposed the Enemy and the attack on your life. He's made it clear that it's not something that just goes away by itself. But the Enemy is more than likely trying to convince you that it's way too embarrassing or humbling to come out and be honest about it and ask for prayer and help. He might be telling you that you're not worthy of the help, that it's not so serious and you can just get over it—or that you've had it way too long, that you're too far gone, and there's no hope for you to ever be normal again. Those are all lies!

240. Please, dear ones, don't let the Enemy scare you out of the victory! Victory is possible, and it's there for you! The Lord and Peter and I want each of you to be as happy, as strong in the Lord, and as used of Him as possible—we want you to live to your full potential. These problems as like a nagging little parasite that's sapping your life and keeping you from really being all that you can be for our Husband and all the lost of the world that He wants you to reach. Don't put up with them! Don't hesitate to ask for prayer and help—which in this case, combined with yieldedness, is the cure!

241. And you parents, shepherds‚ mates and Home members—if you know someone who seems to be struggling with an eating disorder, don't just ignore it and hope it will go away! Bring it to the attention of their shepherds or parents, and ask the Lord what you personally can do to help them and encourage them on to victory! Now that you've read this material‚ you're accountable. The Lord has exposed the Enemy, and one of your dear mates in WS has agreed to share all the embarrassing details with you of her fight for victory, her intimate thoughts, even her battles and losses, so that you could have a better idea of how to fight this, how to recognize it, and how to get a head start on defeating the Enemy! So take this precious gift from the Lord and from her and do something about it! Fight for those who are weakened or battling in this way! The Lord is not willing that any should perish, and neither are Peter and I.

242. Peter and I would be happy to pray for any of you who are fighting this. We would love to put you on our Home's prayer list and fight together with you in the spirit. We know it's a very difficult battle, but we also know that with yieldedness, and the power of the keys, the victory is guaranteed! So don't give up! We love you and need you—each of you!

Always in our tender Husband and faithful Shepherd,

Mama

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