GN for February 2000

The Need for Loving, Consistent Discipline!

By MariaMaria #516 CM/FM 3274 8/99

Dear Family‚

1. I love you very much! A few months ago you received three GNs about our children's behavior and the Lord's admonition to "hold on to the reins," which I pray were a blessing for you. As I was praying more about the topic, I felt the need to share with you more of the messages we've received from the Lord about the need to discipline, and specifically why we discipline, and the import­ance of beginning to train your children at a young age. I was especially concerned for you young parents, as we've heard and seen that many of you have a hard time disciplining your children for a variety of reasons.

2. I want to clarify right from the beginning that discipline means training your children—training them to lead a disciplined life, and eventually to discipline themselves. If discipline is something that you only do "to" children, the end result will be that as soon as they get out from under your control, they go wild. But if you discipline them in the sense that you teach them and train them to lead disciplined lives, then the end result is that eventually they're able to discipline themselves for the most part.

3. So in these messages from Jesus where He talks about the need for discipline, He's not just talking about correction or the consequences for unacceptable behavior—although that is a very important part of it. He's talking about the training that your little ones need‚ the step-by-step teaching, the instruction, the boundaries and guidelines, the good sample and the consistency.

4. The dictionary definition of discipline is: "1. To train by instruction and practice, especially to teach self–control to. 2. To teach to obey rules or accept authority. 3. To punish in order to gain control or enforce obedience." So while correction is a necessary part of teaching and training your children, it's only one small part—although it can be one of the most difficult parts. Here's a little message from Jesus, where He defines what discipline is.

5. (Jesus speaking:) The word "discipline" means different things to different people‚ and in truth there are several definitions. I have combined these, and in these messages when I refer to "discipline" or tell you of the need for discipline, I mean all of these things:

6. Loving, gentle training and teaching; clear definitions between right and wrong; boundaries set up for your child's good, and yes, correction or consequences when those boundaries are crossed; good samples set forth for your children of abiding by the rules for living life; and most of all‚ a firm foundation of My Word and My unconditional love for them to hold them steady through life.

7. All of this is part of My definition of discipline. It's much more than correction or punishment—although that has its place, and many times is the most difficult part for parents. Discipline must involve loving correction if it is to be well rounded and effective, but the gentle training and teaching, boundaries and consequences must be present as well. (End of mess­age from Jesus.)

Reasons Why

Some Don't Discipline

8. (Mama:) Those of you who are parents or who have carried shepherding responsibilities can probably relate to what I'm talking about when I say that it's very difficult sometimes to mete out correction. It hurts, and often you'd almost do anything to not have to talk to the person or administer the correction to the child, because you know that it's going to temporarily hurt them‚ they're going to cry, and it's going to be very difficult. You love them and you don't want to see them hurt. You wish with all your heart that there was some way to get around it, that they could learn the lesson some easier way.

9. But because you do love them, you know from the Word that discipline is good for us—it "yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them who are exercised by it," and it will actually keep them from being hurt much worse later. Discipline is never easy at the time—for the parent or the child—but in the long run it bears good fruit.

10. I know there are a variety of reasons why some of you have a hard time disciplining your children, or struggle with that area of their training. The Lord also understands that there are many factors that have hindered you from having full faith to commit to lovingly ­disciplining your children. But He also gives the solution‚ right here in this next message.

11. (Jesus speaking:) I know there are many things that contribute to the problem of some of the little ones not getting the training and correction that they need. There are many ­reasons why some of you don't have a desire to discipline, and there are yet other reasons why some of you who do have the desire to lovingly discipline don't follow through with it.

1. Some of you have had bad experiences and memories of the past. Maybe you felt you were over-disciplined as a child, or you suffered some discipline that you felt was unfair, and you're trying to avoid doing the same thing with your children.
2. Some of you have more passive personalities and try to stay away from confrontations with your children.
3. You've seen some of your peers, or other children, who you know received consist­ent or strict discipline all their lives turn out to be very wild or even rotten-apple teens. You feel that's a backlash from the discipline they received, and you're trying to avoid the same thing happening with your kids.
4. You don't feel qualified to discipline your kids or that you'll be able to be consistent, so you wonder why you should even bother.
5. You don't want to go to the extreme with your kids, so you've opted not to ­discipline much at all.
6. You may not have much time with your children each day, and you don't want to make them unhappy and upset during that time by disciplining them. You want to enjoy them and you want them to enjoy you‚ and you feel that discipline ruins a happy ­parent-child relationship.
7. You try so hard to be "understanding" of your child that you wind up excusing them for nearly everything they do, rather than understand­ing them but still teaching them what is and what is not acceptable ­behavior.
8. You don't know if discipline even works. You wonder if the kids will eventually learn the same lessons on their own, without the hard work of your trying to teach it to them. Maybe you haven't personally seen the good results of loving, consistent discipline‚ or the negative results of a lack of it. You lack the motivation to persevere with your own children because you're unsure if it's even worth it or the right thing to do. You'll begin to see it as your young ones grow and go through battles, but for many of you it's not yet to the point where you see clearly that many of the battles your children experience are due to a lack of discipline—consistent, loving, fair and gentle guidance and training.
9. You haven't been able to agree with your mate or with the other members of the Home about the discipline standard for the kids, so you haven't established rules and guidelines to go by.
10. Discipline is a lot of work and you're just very busy; you haven't given it the priority it should have. Also, when you're with your kids‚ you're often very tired and don't feel up to disciplining them.
11. You feel horrible when you have to dis­cipline your child or make them cry, and you try to avoid it at all costs.
12. You've seen bad samples of people using discipline to unleash their frustrations on a child, or disciplining only when they're angry. To you it seems like the more patient and loving thing to do is to let things pass and not discipline.
13. In order to discipline fairly, the children have to be challenged and happy and busy—not bored or left on their own. Otherwise it's unfair to them to expect them to behave if they're not motivated and overseen. Your Home is trying to get on its feet in some areas and the kids have not been as high a priority as other matters, so they don't receive the supervision and "quality care" that they need to stay busy and be happy. You want to start "when you can get organ­ized," but that just keeps being put off.
14. Some of you lack discipline in your own lives.
15. Some parents have a very hard time accepting or believing that their children are misbehaving and need correction or discipline‚ regardless of what others try to point out or mention.
16. The fear of court cases and persecution makes it difficult to know how to discipline your kids without feeling like you might be putting yourself in danger of losing them.
17. The worldly climate of the day is that it's not politically correct to discipline, especially any kind of fair and loving corporal punishment, and so you've adopted the mind­set that dis­ciplining and correcting your kids is a thing of the past, that the "modern" way is to let your children make their own decisions and learn for themselves as they do what they please.
18. Maybe you're not so familiar with the Word on the subject‚ and you feel that part of the new day is taking more of the "understanding approach" with your children‚ rather than clear guidelines, consequences‚ and consistent discipline. After all, "love is the most important thing," you reason, so disci­pline gets put off or neglected, even though it's a part of love.

12. All these are contributing factors‚ yet the solution is very simple. You must simply decide to believe My Word, and I will help you to overcome the past and any mindsets that hold you back. You must simply decide, "Yes, I believe the Lord's Word. I believe that our Family standard about discipline is right. I believe that no matter what I see or cannot see, I must ask the Lord what my child needs specifically and follow through on it in accordance with the standard of the Word, for the good of my child."

13. You, My dear parents, must get on board in this area and make the decision. Read up on it in My Word if you feel weak in faith. (See the accompanying list of references, "What the Word has to say about discipline and training.") Part of the reason you lack the faith is because you're weak in the Word in this area. Ask for prayer; ask Me to help you see it clearly, to give you the burden. It seems like such a big task to you, and it's true, it is. But once you make the de­cision and commitment before Me, I can help you much more with the training of your children. You won't have to always be wondering, "What do I do now? Should I discipline or not?" because I will be there speaking to you in your heart, showing you what to say, how to speak to your little one‚ how to express your love in the form of discipline, for this is an important part of love.

14. When you make this decision to accept your role as a parent, a teacher‚ a trainer of your children, then I am able to give you My full anointing for the task. You have Heavenly helpers at your beck and call‚ waiting to fill in for you, to strengthen you, to anoint you and be through you all that you must be. You don't have to be perfect or the perfect parent—just avail yourself of the help of Heaven! (End of message from Jesus.)

What the Word has to say
about discipline and training

Here are some Letters and other publications on the discipline and training of children‚ for review or further study. This is only a partial list‚ and you can find more references in the CVC childcare course "Training and Discipline" and in the HomeARC.

"Hold on to the Reins," ML #3239; GN 841.

"Drawing the Line," ML #3241; GN 843.

"Shepherding Our Children and Young People," ML #3191; GN 796.

"How-to's of Home Education," ML #3189:200-218; GN 794.

"Help from Heaven!" ML #3056:90-108; Life­lines 23.

"Family Discipline Guidelines," ML #2919; Lifelines 21.

"Dad on Discipline," ML #1705; GN book 18.

"Love Is the Answer," ML #1396; GN book 18 / DB1.

"Child Psychology," ML #915:1–10, 12-39, 45–58; Vol.8

"Understanding Children and Making It Easy for Them to Be Good," Maria #85; DB10.

"Discipline Is Training," Techi's Life Story, pg.183

"Discipline and Training," Book 19, pg.768

See also "Discipline" in the index of the "Raise 'Em Right" book, page 823.

Start Early and

Reap the Benefits!

15. (Mama:) There are probably other ­reasons some of you have a hard time disciplining, but those are some of them. The Lord said that the first step is to make a decision to believe His Word, to believe that discipline is good—and not only good but necessary‚ if you're going to raise happy, well-adjusted children. In this GN I want to share with you some of the messages the Lord has given recently, which I pray will help to increase your faith along those lines and give you the vision for how desperately discipline is needed in the lives of our little ones.

16. Something that should encourage you to want to learn to discipline is the realization that sooner or later, your kids will need direction and discipline in their lives. You're not going to be able to raise well-adjusted, happy and sociable children without any discipline what­soever. If you don't give them loving‚ consistent discipline when they're young, then when they get older they'll be much harder to handle, and you'll wind up having to really crack down on them to keep them from hurting themselves or others! If you don't teach them how to behave, you'll face times when they're being bad and you'll wind up getting frustrated with them and yelling at them or acting unfairly as a parent—but it won't be their fault. It'll be yours, be­cause you haven't taught them!

17. When you look at it that way, you'll see that the loving thing to do is to teach your kids from the beginning—gently‚ lovingly, consist­ently, showing them how to make the right de­cisions, laying the boundaries for acceptable behavior, and administer­ing some form of consequence when they cross those boundaries. You can't expect them to learn good behavior on their own; it's a long-term process that requires your consistency, love and fairness. It's probably your biggest challenge and the hardest job you'll ever face as a parent!

18. Another plus to consistently administering loving discipline in your children's lives is that you'll wind up enjoying your children a lot more in the long run. You might not enjoy the moments when you have to correct them or discipline them, and at the time it will seem like a lot more work to teach them the right way to do something rather than just letting them do what they want to do. But in the long run, you'll find that you've saved yourself a lot of work, and you'll enjoy your times with your children much more.

19. The Enemy hates our children. They're not only precious to you, but they're very, very precious to the Lord. They're His little ambassadors of Heaven, and their sample and witness is powerful! They're destined for a very important job in the future—helping to rule the world with Jesus in the Millennium, as well as being His little witnesses of the Endtime. The Enemy would like to see to it that they're not prepared for those jobs, and one way that he tries to hinder their preparation and training is through convincing you that you shouldn't discipline them, that it's just too difficult, that it doesn't do much good‚ or that it's even the wrong thing to do.

20. But the fact of the matter is, children need discipline—the Bible says so. They not only need it in order to grow up to be productive and useful members of society—whether in the Family or not—but they need it in order to be happy and secure in their relationship with you, their parents. We in the Family aren't the only ones who believe that either—there are plenty of experts in the field of child education and development who will tell you the same thing—that children need and want their boundaries to be defined, and that they're much more happy and secure when they receive loving discipline from their parents and caretakers if they cross those boundaries.

21. You've probably heard how Dad referred to Dr. Spock, a famous pediatrician and well-known author of childcare books who died a few years ago, and how he ruined a whole generation of children through advising the "permissive" approach—that children will automatically learn what's right and wrong and set their own limits and boundaries without any guidance. (See ML #606:70,71.)

22. Well, 30 years after his book was first published, Dr. Spock had second thoughts. In 1974, when he was 70‚ he called for a return to the more disciplined practices of his own childhood and apologized to parents who had, upon his instruction, raised a generation of "balky, pesky and bratty" children. "This is a cruel deprivation that we professionals (he named child psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, social workers and "pediatricians like myself" as guilty) have imposed on fathers and mothers," he wrote in a Redbook magazine column. In other words, children do need discipline.

23. The Lord has given so much good counsel along the lines of how to discipline, and has emphasized again and again how very import­ant it is—vital, in fact—in the training of our little ones. I know that this concept isn't new to you. You might feel that you've heard all this before, so what's the use of hearing it again. But please pray and ask the Lord to help you see this with fresh eyes, to receive His Words and understand the problem and the solution He's offering.

24. I know that you're probably not looking forward to making changes in this area, because training children is a lot of work, and being loving and consistent in discipline is a very difficult job—one that doesn't go away even for a minute‚ and requires years and years! And if the Lord keeps blessing you with more children, it just keeps going! But it pays off! In fact‚ you'll reap the benefits of it for eternity, because you're giving your children the opportunity to go on to be happy and a blessing to others, and those rewards will keep coming back to you forever!

It's a Tough Job‚ But It'll Be

Well Worth It in the End!

25. (Jesus speaking:) My dear loves, My precious ones whom I have called to be parents to My Endtime children, I have given you a very important mission. I've given you a high honor in placing their training in your hands, and I depend upon you.

26. More than just being a comforting and reassuring parent, you must also help to guide and train your children if they're to be used of Me in the future. The clay is soft and moldable when they're young, and loving discipline is needed if they're to be formed and shaped into the men and women of God that I need them to be.

27. The choice is yours: You can let them go their own way now‚ when they're young, and pick up the pieces after them, try to control the damage and keep them from hurting themselves or others, and then in the end have to watch them go through much more difficult times as they grow older and My hand is upon their life and teaches them to obey and love. Or, you can give them what they need now in the form of loving and consistent attention, setting down rules and guidelines for living in a loving way, and teaching them to abide by those rules, even if it means giving them correction to teach them the consequences of breaking those rules; then watch them grow to become useful tools in My hand, well adjusted to life, and accustomed to obeying and living lovingly.

28. If they've been trained from their youth to live circumspectly, to respect others, to obey‚ to discipline themselves and abide by the rules laid down, they'll be happier‚ more well adjusted, and more fulfilled in whatever course they take. Those who haven't learned those basic principles grow up to be more selfish, more demanding‚ and less happy with life, for they have to learn the hard way that rules are to be kept, and that there are consequences for breaking the rules.

29. You might not see it that way now. You might feel that they'll learn eventually, and that it's much easier for them to learn on their own; they won't consider you the ogre, and it's much less work for you. Even if they're somewhat unruly, it seems easier to you to cope with the fits they throw and their demanding behavior than it does to discipline them and keep them occupied, challenged and happy. Or, if they haven't learned to obey‚ it seems easier to comfort them when they hurt themselves than it does to be constantly trying to keep them out of trouble and make them obey the rules.

30. I understand‚ dear ones, that the job is great. But you must ask Me to change your mind­set, because even though it seems like administering consistent discipline and keeping them occupied, challenged, learning and happy is the more difficult way now, in the end it's well worth it! Not only will they learn more and mature more quickly and eventually begin making the right choices themselves, but they'll also be happier, they'll be more of a blessing in your witnessing‚ they'll learn to help care for the younger ones. And as they grow, they'll be more fulfilled, for there will be places of service and opportunity open to them because they've been well trained.

31. My precious parents, I know the task in front of you seems large—and it continues for many years. Disciplining and teaching your children to obey and live lovingly is not an overnight process, and it does not bring immediate victory. It's often an uphill battle. But haven't you found that those things which are worth the most, cost the most? If it were easy, it would not be such a precious gift of love.

32. But because it costs so much—your time, your strength‚ your endurance, your patience, your wisdom, your love, your perseverance, your continuing on even when it's very difficult—it's one of the most precious gifts you can give your children, besides the knowledge of My love and My Word. It prepares them for life. It prepares them for their service for Me, or for whatever life they choose to lead. It takes the soft clay of their life and slowly‚ gently, day by day, molds it into something useful—else it hardens and must be broken and reshaped before it can be used.

33. I give you the key, dear ones‚ as in all areas of your children's training: Ask Me. Come to Me with empty hands and pour out your hearts before Me. Ask Me to help you, to fill you with enough love and conviction that you're willing to commit yourselves to this task, and then carry through on it every day.

34. Each day will need to be a new commitment. It's not only building the habit, because even after you've broken the bad habits of simply ignoring the need for instruction and discipline and attention when your children mis­behave, you'll still need to come before Me regularly for further guidance and instruction. For their needs change often, and if you're to be successful in your training, you must look to Me for how to adapt to their needs.

35. But I can help you, and I will help you. I've given you those children to train for Me, and I have great need of them. So the moment you look up to Me and commit yourselves to doing your part, I open the windows of Heaven and will give you all the Heavenly help you could ever need or desire to help you in your mission. Thank you, My dear ones, for being willing to take up your cross for Me and train your children. I thank you, and your children will thank you! (End of message from Jesus.)

Pouring More Into the Kids

36. (Mama: ) In that message, one of the main things the Lord brings out is that if you're going to try and discipline your kids, you have to pour into them more. If you're going to teach them to respect property and not color in the wrong books, then when they have those books you have to supervise them. If you're going to teach them to pick up and put away one set of toys before they take out the next set, then you have to tune in to them as they play and, if necessary, help them pick them up and put them away. If you're going to teach them to share their toys and talk nicely to one another, then you have to talk with them‚ and be with them during their times of play to help remind them and show them how to speak lovingly and share.

37. Those are times when you might have otherwise just left them on their own—hopefully with someone in the room to supervise them, but not always really tuning in to them. When you make the commitment to teach your children those kinds of things, you're also making the commitment to spend more time with them—because it does take time, and it takes being with them, tuning in to them, and helping them to stay occupied, especially at the beginning.

38. Any parent or childcare worker knows that when children are bored, they often mis­behave. So if you're going to be correcting them for their misbehavior, you also have to keep them occupied and happy enough to help them stay out of trouble‚ or else it's not fair to them.

39. So, like the Lord said, it's a big commit­ment and a lot of work, and I can see why you feel it's easier in some ways to just let them run wild and entertain themselves, even if it does mean some extra bumps and bonks, torn books, lost toys, and difficult bedtimes. But the Lord is saying that in the long run you'll find that it's much more worthwhile to do the hard work that is needed to discipline your kids—because you're in for a lot of heartache if you don't. Not only will they not learn all that they could‚ but they'll also probably be less happy and fulfilled in life, and those around them will be less happy, until they're able to learn the simple, basic lessons of obedience, respect‚ concern for others, self-control and discipline—often the hard way.

40. The Lord makes it clear that it's part of your responsibility as a parent to give your children that training. Parenting is more than comforting your children when they fall down, or making sure they get the proper nutrition and brush their teeth. You're responsible for their spiritual training as well, and the foundation stone of that is loving and consistent discipline—by which they learn a fear of the Lord, respect for His Word and His instructions‚ and how to live lovingly.

How Is It Possible

When There's So Much to Do?

41. I know you're all very busy already. Parenting is a full-time job‚ not to speak of the many other responsibilities you have in your job for the Lord—Home ministries, responsibilities to your sheep and contacts, and then just the time you need to rest and spend with the Lord in order to be able to do the job. You try very hard, but still always feel like something is being left undone. Even if you really want to discipline your children and train them, you're never able to give them all that you feel they need‚ and it seems like a real impossibility sometimes.

42. It's easy to feel that you're failing in your job as a parent, because it's just humanly impossible to keep up with everything. I knew the Lord must have a solution if He was emphasizing the need to tune in to the kids more. So we asked Him, "How is it possible to tune in to your children full-time, and yet still keep up with the multitude of other things which demand your attention?"

43. (Jesus speaking: ) I know that you feel this is an impossible task, to spend more time with your children and still get everything else done that needs to be done. You feel that you're already so busy, and if you have to spend more time with your kids in order to be able to discipline them, then forget it—it's just asking too much, it's not possible.

44. But I tell you that if you want to do better in this area of training and pouring into your children and correcting them, then come before Me with open hearts, and I will help you to apply this counsel that I've poured forth, I will help you to know how you personally can fill your children's needs for attention, input and instruction, which is all a part of loving, consist­ent discipline.

45. For some of you, I will tell you that you already spend enough time with your children, and I'll simply give you some guidance about how to more fully concentrate on them during the times you have with them. Others of you I'll give tailor–made counsel as to how you can juggle your other responsibilities in order to give the children more of your attention, or fill a particular need that one of them has. In some cases, maybe the solution is to combine the care of your children with others who also feel this need, so that you're able to take turns with the children, thereby giving them your full attention when you're with them and still attending to the other things you have to do during the times when you're not with them.

46. For some of you, I will comfort your hearts that you're doing all you can to pour into your children, to fill their needs, and the rest is in My hands—you must simply pray more for them and commit it to Me, and then trust Me to give them what you cannot. I will encourage you that even though you're not perfect and you feel that you fall short, yet you're doing all you can as far as spending time with them, and you need to just have faith to proceed and give them the correction, training and discipline that I know they need.

47. Each of you, My dear parents, carries a very heavy load. I know your frame and I know that you can only do so much, and I take that into account when I give you your children and your other responsibilities. I know that you won't be able to do everything that you see before you, but I know that you'll be able to do those things which are most important, if you look to Me and let Me balance your time and priorities.

48. So those of you who struggle with the realization that you'll need to pour into your children more as you start to train them and expect certain things from them‚ need not despair or throw up your hands in defeat because it looks like more than you can do. Simply turn towards Me, lay out your work and situation before Me‚ and receive My specific, personal counsel for your situation. Then proceed with faith, knowing that I know your children and their needs much better than you, and whatever I show you is guaranteed to work! (End of message from Jesus)

49. (Mama:) Thank You, Jesus, that You're so willing to help us each know how You want us to apply this counsel and how we can person­ally improve and train our children better. Please keep all of our dear parents from falling into condemnation—because no one is perfect, Lord. You know that, and You're still able to help us to do the most important things, the things that You know will make a difference and be the most fruitful. So help us to look to You, to let You manage our time‚ and thereby let You help us fill our children's needs in the best way poss­ible.

As They Learn to Respect You,

They'll Learn to Respect the Lord

50. In the next message, the Lord explains more about the importance of giving your children the training they need and deserve‚ part of that training being given through loving, consistent discipline.

51. (Jesus speaking:) The cornerstone of parenting and teaching your children about Me and My Word is laid with consistent discipline. They must learn to respect and obey you, their parent, if they are going to later respect and obey Me, their Heavenly Father. If they don't learn that you mean what you say, how will they know that when I ask them to do something, I mean it and expect them to do it? If they don't learn from you in the small things that when they behave unlovingly they reap sorrowful consequences, how will they know later in life that to love is to be blessed, and to be unloving is to invite sadness and heartache?

52. These are simple, basic lessons of the spirit, which they learn day by day with you, their parents. They either learn the right way or they're given a false sense of reality if you don't teach them. These are not things that are learned in a day, or in one or two incidents; they're slowly absorbed through everyday life, through your sample‚ and through your instruction to them and following through and teaching them to heed that instruction, and that is all part of the loving discipline that I'm asking you to give My little ones.

53. You are My hands, My gentle parents. I've given you great natural love for your children—not so that you would withhold the loving staff of correction and instruction, but so that you would administer it gently and with love, even as I do to you. To withhold it is not love, but rather permissiveness. Permissive­ness might win you temporary favor with your children, but in the long run, as they grow and begin to search for their boundaries‚ you'll find that they're much more secure and happy and bonded with you, their parent, if you've laid down guidelines for them and are teaching them to live within those guidelines.

54. This is your job and ministry as a parent: To be My hands, My eyes, My lips, My love, and to lovingly guide your children as I guide you. (End of message from Jesus)

The Earlier You Start Disciplining

The Better!

55. (Mama:) As the Lord brings out in the following message, little children begin forming their ideas of right and wrong and their behavior patterns very early in life. The earlier you can start teaching them the better!

56. (Jesus speaking to the mother of a one-year-old:) He's grown and matured so much and is no longer just a baby, but has grown into a little boy with thoughts and ideas of his own. He's able to control his life and body and the things that happen around him much more. He's able to choose, to make choices about everything, and he does. You must guide him prayerfully to make good choices, the right choices, the ones that are good for him, that will help him to grow, to be loving and obedient to My voice and My will in his life. That is all part of discipline.

57. He's beginning to learn many, many lessons about life, and this is a very important time to give him as much good‚ positive input as you can‚ to guide his thinking according to My ways, and to teach him how to make good choices. You're doing this very well, My love. Each thing that you teach him, even in his play, is very worthwhile‚ and is building a good foundation for him to apply these lessons to other bigger things in life—how to play well, how to be gentle with his toys and with people, how to put things away, how to concentrate and apply himself as he learns things‚ how to interact lovingly with people. All of these lessons of discipline in his little life are very important and are not in vain.

58. These years of his toddlerhood will pass quickly and he'll soon enter another stage of childhood, and you'll be very thankful for the good training that you've instilled in him while he's so moldable and flexible. All that you're doing for him, all that you're teaching him, and all the loving discipline you give him now are preparing the way for the years ahead and laying a good solid foundation for his happiness. (End of message from Jesus)

The Discipline You Give Them

Will Last a Lifetime!

59. (Mama:) This next message from Jesus is rather sobering, as He explains that the training you give your children when they're very young helps them to live more disciplined lives—more yielded, more obedient, and thus even helps to prepare them for their future obedi­ence to His will and their future usefulness. He says that each child is different, and each one has special needs, and to be able to meet those needs, you have to ask Him!

60. (Jesus speaking: ) Discipline starts early. Some children have more submissive and obedient personalities, and others more active and boisterous personalities. But the guidelines you set and the discipline you give them as very young children, before they go into the "terrible twos," will last a lifetime and have a great deal to do with shaping their character and even their future obedience and submissiveness to My will. If they're permitted to do as they please when young, this can oftentimes carry over into adulthood with weaknesses of selfishness‚ un­yield­ed­ness and disobedience.

61. You must realize that you're not just working with a child, but that you are forming an adult. You are helping them to grow and mature just as I am helping you to grow and mature. Your child is to you what you are to Me. You are little children in My sight, and although I do sometimes give you much leeway, I also have certain boundaries and give you safeguards and correction. This is the sample you should follow when raising your own children—giving them unconditional love‚ but at the same time giving them the rules and discipline standards to grow by. Otherwise they grow in body but not in spirit.

62. It is through hearing and obeying My Word that they will grow—and they learn that through learning obedience from you. If they are allowed to do as they please, their spirits do not learn maturity, love, obedience, faithfulness, which are cornerstones of a loving life. And so it is, that without loving consistent discipline, their spirits do not grow as they should.

63. Children learn and understand more than most people realize. They can also sense and feel things more than people realize because they're fresher from Heaven with a channel that doesn't have as much static yet, and in some ways are more sensitive to things around them or things that are going to happen. They can learn important principles at a very young age. Although they may not understand them in words, they understand the idea or the feeling.

64. They understand love, sharing, giving, correction, and many other things. They don't have to wait until they're six or seven years old, but they can begin to understand those concepts very young if they are taught, and sometimes to start later than two or three can be starting too late.

65. Of course, all these things have to be tempered with a lot of love and reassurance at the same time. You shouldn't give correction without giving love during and after the correction, or set guidelines without explanations, just as I don't do that with you.

66. When your child is young, that's the time for them to grow in these areas of giving and learning to be obedient, and learning that they're not always able to do what they want all the time whenever they want, throwing fits if they don't get their way. If they learn that lesson early on, it will serve them well throughout life.

67. You shouldn't be discouraged or disap­pointed in your children when they misbehave and need some training, correction and dis­cipline, or see it as a sign that you've failed or that they're ruined for life. They won't be perfect, just as you are not perfect, and they will likely need lots of guidance, and loving, consist­ent discipline through their growing years as they learn these lessons. It's part of life‚ part of growing and maturing, and one of the ways that you as a parent help to teach them about life is through the loving discipline you give them when they need it.

68. Seek Me for your child‚ and ask Me about their behavior, and I will show you how to present these lessons lovingly and in a way that will be the easiest for them to understand and grow by. Every child is different‚ and every child has special needs. So if you want to be the best parent possible and want to learn to discipline your children with the most love and fairness, ask Me about each situation, and I will help you find the key. (End of message from Jesus.)

69. (Mama:) Thank You, Lord, for giving us such good, clear counsel. I want to make it clear that when I say "discipline" in this Letter, in the sense of correction or punishment, I don't necessarily mean corporal punishment—swats or smacks or spanking.

70. As a Family, we're bound to abide by the "Family Discipline Guidelines" which have very clear rules for us, as parents, regarding the kind of correction or punishment we can ­lovingly administer. I want to share with you an excerpt of a prophecy that someone sent us which is an excellent example of going to the Lord and asking Him how to best teach and train your child, and what form of loving, moderate discipline, within the guidelines of the Charter‚ He knows would bring about the best results.

Boundaries and Consequences!

71. (Jesus speaking:) Make the boundaries clear, so that he knows there will be conse­quences when he oversteps them. They don't always have to be a slap, or even a stern correction. The consequence can be to not get what he's asking for if he asks in a whiny and unpleasant way. The consequence can be that you don't want to talk with him if he talks in that way.

72. When he realizes that the whining doesn't produce what he wants, then he'll stop. This is an example of a boundary that can be set, and the consequences don't have to be a swat. For greater offenses, such as throwing a temper tantrum, hitting or biting, it's good to have a greater consequence. Bad behavior such as this does deserve firmer discipline. It's good that he knows he can't throw a temper tantrum without getting a swat and firm correction, for this is very bad; it's letting his emotions and his rebellion run wild.

73. But in lesser things, things that are more a habit‚ the consequences don't necess­arily have to be chastisement or a swat. They can be simply telling him that that won't work, that he won't get what he's asking for when he asks that way, or asking him to sit out the activity if he's not being loving.

74. The important thing is that he knows that there are boundaries, and that when he crosses the boundaries, he will suffer the consequences.

75. Whining is not a pleasant sound; no one likes to hear it. It expresses an attitude of discontent, complaint and murmuring, therefore it's good to nip this problem in the bud and not let it continue, to let him know that this is not the right way to be. I‚ the Lord, hate murmuring, and I love praise—and people are the same way; they hate to hear complaints, murmurs, and a whining attitude. They like to hear cheerfulness‚ happiness, happy talking, friendly talking. So this will be a blessing to others in the Home as well.

76. What you're doing now will make a difference for eternity. The handling of him now will make a difference for the rest of his life, and it will also make a difference for the rest of your lives, as far as how happy you are‚ how fulfilled you feel, how much enjoyment you have in being with him. So this is the goal—to teach him these things step by step. And while you're doing it, trust that even as Rome wasn't built in a day, you can lead him towards good behavior in these areas step by step.

77. A house is built very patiently‚ brick upon brick. At first it looks like an impossible task, but the bricklayer just patiently does his job and lays one brick after another‚ carefully and with precision. Soon there's an entire house‚ beautiful for all to enjoy. He doesn't say, "I don't want to just lay this one brick, because it's gonna take too many bricks to do the whole house." He just starts laying the bricks, knowing that as he does it slowly and patiently, the house will be built.

78. So it is with discipline, with setting standards‚ with guidelines for the children. You can say, "I don't want to set this one guideline, because it's going to be too much work. I'll have to lay down the law too many times." But you just patiently do it, one time after the other, after the other, and soon it's complete, and the child has learned another thing in his behavior.

79. So as you teach him these things‚ you will be very gratified and fulfilled and satisfied in seeing the good result that it has on him. I will help you and lead and guide you and strengthen you. And when the waves seem to be too much, I will lift you up and I will cause your burden to be lighter. It will get easier, you'll see. Many things will get easier as you go along, and also as your little one learns. As he learns more respect, as he learns better behavior, he'll become more and more of a joy to you, and even a help to you as time goes on. For this is what I have ordained him to be—a blessing, not only to you, but to many others, and even to Me. (End of message from Jesus.)

80. (Mama:) The Lord promises that it will get easier as you're faithful to discipline and teach your little ones. I know it's hard at first, dear Family. It's very hard. But it's encouraging to know that it does get easier, and in the long run everyone is much happier! Praise the Lord!

The Lord Has the Key

For Each Child and Each Situation!

81. This next excerpt from Dad brings out again how much better it is if you can start to teach your children these things when they're young‚ and the importance of going to the Lord to find the key for each child and each situation.

82. (Dad speaking:) Laying down guidelines for discipline is such a complex subject, and an even bigger job to put it into practice. What we do know, though, is that the Lord has a solution. The Lord loves our kids much, much more than we could ever love them, and of course He wants them to have everything they need‚ including the right kind of discipline to help keep them on the straight and narrow, to help keep them in line, to help teach them to make the right choices so that when they reach the age of accountability, they've had the training, the input, the correction‚ and the discipline that they need, and so that they've learned from experience the results of making the wrong decisions.

83. If they've felt on their little bottom the pain of the swat that comes when they disobey, then by the time they get a little older, when they're faced with a decision‚ they remember that and they realize that the Lord is going to discipline them if they don't make the right decision. Even if their parents aren't around, He can keep them in line and He will‚ because they're His children.

84. But see, if they haven't had that good discipline all the way up until that time, then when it comes time for them to make their own decisions, they have to learn the hard way‚ which is sad. It takes a lot longer, a lot more time, and it's a lot more painful, but the Lord always brings them around in the end.

85. The best counsel I can give these dear parents is to come to the Lord personally and ask the Lord what to do about their kids. Each child has a key. Every time they encounter a problem‚ there's a key for the situation that will really help; something that will help teach the child, something that will get the point across clearly, and the Lord will give them that key if they stop and ask Him. (End of message from Dad.)

Inconsistent Discipline

Is Confusing and Damaging!

86. (Mama:) Once you make the commitment to be faithful in the training and discipline of your children‚ there's another hurdle to cross, which is consistency. There are many reasons why it's hard to be consistent with your children's discipline:

1. You're busy. There are times you're not ­tuning in to them, so you're bound to miss some times when they could have used correction or discipline. Pretty soon it gets easier and easier to let things slide.
2. We live communally, so chances are several people are involved with the care of the children and their training and discipline, and to all agree and abide by the same standard requires a lot of unity, prayer, counsel, faithfulness, and sacrifice on everyone's part.
3. If you're not used to disciplining yourself to follow the rules with the children consistently, it's easy to let your mood dictate how you mete out consequences for mis­behavior. When you're tired, you may apply the consequence more; when you're in a good mood, you may be more apt to let it slide.
4. You tend to give in to them when they plead or say they're sorry. Granted, sometimes they need to be forgiven and not reap the consequence, or there are legitimate reasons for their behavior that need to be taken into account. But to find the balance, you have to ask the Lord. Backing down too many times is the same as inconsistency, and pretty soon the children don't know whether you mean business or not.

87. Inconsistent discipline is terribly confusing and even damaging for children. They learn that some people will let them get away with things that others won't, and they tend to learn how to manipulate people into giving them their way rather than following the rules. If you sometimes follow through and sometimes don't, they'll always think that if they cry loud enough and long enough, you'll let them off the hook. This makes for a very difficult situation for the parents and caretakers, because the discipline that they give doesn't have the desired effect, and the child doesn't learn to obey the rules, always hoping that this time they won't be made to do so. It's unfair and frustrating for the teachers, or those who care for the children regularly and try to maintain consistent discipline with them, if the parents or others who take time with them don't uphold the same standard.

88. Following is a very sobering, detailed message from Dad about inconsistent discipline and the damage it does. Lord help us!

89. (Dad speaking: ) Being inconsistent with your discipline is almost as bad as no discipline at all. When children are young, they take in great quantities of information all the time. They're constantly receiving information, assimilating it, and beginning to develop their thought patterns, information banks, habits and characters from the information they receive.

90. Much of the information they gather is simple and straightforward. They begin to learn a language by recognizing the words and the actions or feelings that accompany them. They learn colors from the things they see. Shapes and sounds are imprinted on their mind. Movement is recorded, and so on. By receiving correction for certain actions, they learn what is and isn't acceptable. The discipline that a child receives shapes his behavior.

91. It's a little bit like a pinball machine. The ball travels through the maze of objects on the game table, and as it strikes posts, falls into holes, or travels through a chute, points are gained and the score is registered. As a child goes through life‚ the discipline he receives registers with him and helps to determine how he will react to the same situation when it comes up again.

92. If the discipline is given haphazardly or inconsistently, just like the pinball flying across the game table‚ then the child learns to take things by chance. Just as the ball sometimes strikes a high point or low point and it's different every time, so the child thinks that because he got away with something one time, it may happen again. He understands that sometimes he's disciplined for his actions and sometimes he's not, so instead of developing a clear concept of what to do and what not to do, what's right and what's wrong, he develops the attitude that there aren't really any absolute boundaries—that maybe this time when he tries something, he'll get away with it.

93. Training a child like this is not training him at all. It's only teaching him that sometimes you get away with things and sometimes you don't. As the child grows older, he can develop the attitude that rules and guidelines are pretty haphazard and don't really matter, and he can bounce from one to another, like the ball in a pinball machine. With this attitude‚ the child doesn't learn yieldedness or submission, but rather to take the chance to break the rules and defy authority. Instead of learning responsibility from the effects his actions have on himself or others‚ he learns to recklessly plow through life without thinking through the consequences of his actions and how they will affect him or others.

94. A child who receives correction from one parent for his actions and no correction for the same actions from the other parent‚ can draw the conclusion that his actions are not bad, but that one parent is loving and the other isn't. The child can miss the point of his actions and equate it with how the two parents view him. This can lead to all kinds of misconceptions in how to relate to different people in his life. The child loses sight of his actions and behavior. He fails to learn that some behavior is good and other behavior is bad because it's harmful to himself or others.

95. With inconsistent discipline, the child begins on a selfish journey, to seek out those who give him no discipline and avoid those who give the discipline. Instead of learning what's right and what's wrong, the child simply learns what he can get away with in the presence of one parent and what he can get away with in the presence of the other. Instead of learning how to act or behave, he learns to rather be like the pinball, taking his chances and trying to hit the right post or bumper, and avoid the wrong one.

96. Children who receive inconsistent dis­cipline can grow up with the idea that discipline is something bad, something to be avoided. They can feel that when they're disciplined, it's unfair‚ and it's because of the person and not because of the deed. They can seek to justify them­selves for what they did, thinking that if they were around someone else, their behavior would be accepted‚ but it's only because the person now disciplining them must not like them or has something against them for some reason.

97. This concept can carry over into their relationship with the Lord. They can feel that when things don't go right or the consequences of their actions don't bring them happiness but pain, it's God's fault; He doesn't love them or He wouldn't be allowing them to be punished so or to experience the things they're going through. They can feel that God isn't fair, or misunderstand the discipline and not see it as coming from the hand of a loving Father who's concerned about them and wants them to do good and to bring no harm to themselves or to others. Instead, they interpret it that God must be a very harsh fellow who carries a big stick and just waits to whack those who don't do things His way.

98. Inconsistent discipline not only brings heartbreak and sorrow, and the parents see their child unhappy or discontent or hurting or harming others because of his poor behavior, but it can create a stumbling block between the child and the Lord. This makes it difficult for him to see his Maker as loving and kind, because he equates someone who loves him with someone who lets him do whatever he wants to do. Later he may find it difficult to accept or receive the Lord's love. He may find it hard to accept the Lord's forgiveness or understand that he's forgiven once he repents, even though the Lord has chastened him, because he equates chastening and correction with anger; so he feels that the Lord must be very unhappy with him.

99. Let me tell you, inconsistent dis­cipline with young children is just about one of the worst things you can do! It completely confuses the poor child and makes him not want to receive any discipline at all. If he gets corrected by one parent or by one childcare helper for something and then he gets off scot-free with another one, then he doesn't even appreciate the correction or instruction he received from the one who's doing the right thing.

100. All he learns is that he's not going to be able to behave that way in the presence of that parent or childcare helper. Of course, that does him a little bit of good. At least when he's with that person he's going to be disciplined and not allowed to display his bad behavior. But as far as really learning to control himself of his own free will and to grow into a responsible older child, or learn the spiritual principles of yielding and submitting to the Lord and receiving correction and discipline at His hand, he's going to miss the boat.

101. Not only are such children going to be confused and frustrated, but it'll spill over into other aspects of their life too. They're not going to be happy. They're going to feel frustrated and just become more rebellious against the discipline that they do receive. They'll start to think if they don't have to take it from one parent or one childcare helper‚ why should they have to take it from the other one? So instead of learning how to behave correctly, they're really learning how to be rebellious, how to be defiant, how to be self-willed and go their own way, how to avoid correction and not to like those who administer it, whether parent, teacher, childcare helper‚ or even the Lord Himself!

102. There's always going to be some inconsistency, because no two people are the same, no two parents are the same, no two child­care helpers, and so on. There's always going to be a little variation‚ because people have different person­alities, different ways of looking at things, different ways of interpreting what the rules are, and different ideas of how to enforce discipline when the rules are broken. There are many factors that go into all this‚ and it's not just a black and white matter. But what we're talking about here is when a child is obviously manifesting the wrong behavior and is being corrected for it by one person and indulged in it by another.

103. If the child screams and throws a fit with one parent and is corrected for it, but can go and do the same thing with another parent and not be corrected, the reinforcement to continue to throw a fit is stronger than it is to not throw a fit. In other words, the child will pick up on the negative much faster than he will the positive. If this continues long enough, then the child learns that he can get away with things if he just avoids certain people, and he can be just as wild‚ destructive or hurtful—or whatever the problem may be—as he wants to be, as long as he stays away from that certain parent, teacher or childcare helper who's going to discipline him for his behavior. The end result is going to be a child who's going to bring his parents to shame and maybe even hurt himself. Agreeing together and really making an effort to maintain a united Home discipline standard, as much work as that is, solves so many of these problems.

104. The child who receives inconsistent discipline can tend to grow up selfish and self-centered. He can also be more rebellious and have a much harder time of it as he gets older and isn't allowed to continue with his poor behavior. He will eventually be disciplined either by society, or by the Lord, or will find himself ostracized by others, just because he can't get along and hasn't really learned how to prefer the happiness of others to his own. So a child who doesn't receive consistent discipline can be on the road towards becoming selfish, self-centered, rebellious‚ and of course, very unhappy within himself.

105. That's not to say that a child who receives consistent discipline will not still have lessons to learn and problems to overcome, but at least they have a head start and bad habits will not have grown to the same extent in their life‚ as they naturally would without consistent discipline.

106. That's another thing the child that receives inconsistent discipline starts to develop—bad habits. He starts to develop the habit of seeing what he can get away with. Instead of learning his lesson in how to behave right, he learns to try to find ways to get away with his misbehavior. He looks at rules and discipline and someone correcting his behavior as being bad and not to be accepted, instead of learning and growing from the correction.

107. So parents, teachers, childcare helpers and caregivers, if you love your child or those children that you're taking care of‚ if you really have their well-being at heart and you're sincerely concerned about their training and their spiritual growth, as well as their happiness and their content­ment in life, then I suggest that you get together and decide just how you're going to discipline them. Agree together on what rules and guidelines and forms of punishment you're going to administer and institute.

108. We've talked about this before. We've given you guidelines on the need for a united discipline standard before, but it seems like we have to go back and repeat it so that everyone will get the point. If you're inconsistent in your discipline, then you're not giving any discipline that's going to really last and help form a strong, Godly character in the child. You're going to weaken the child. You're going to promote the bad qualities, all the things that you don't want to promote. You're promoting selfishness, self-centeredness and rebelliousness‚ instead of pro­moting the right things, the good things, and it just confuses the poor child.

109. When the standard is unbalanced between those who care for the child, the child will automatically try to figure out who loves him more—mommy or daddy or teacher or care­giver. Since they all treat him differently and handle his behavior differently, he'll figure that some love him more than others. That's terribly unfair to the poor child. He should be receiving love and discipline from all, and not having to choose between them. It causes him to feel in­secure‚ and when he feels insecure, he's not happy. Then his behavior can be anything from withdrawing within himself to becoming more wild and boisterous and letting out all his frustrations.

110. So you see, folks, there's hardly any good fruit from inconsistent discipline! It sends the wrong signals, it's confusing your kid, and it's not helping him at all. You may think you're saving yourself a little time and a little pain and a little suffering by not disciplining your child or letting him get away with things, but you're just creating bigger problems for yourself down the road. You're simply going to be faced with bigger difficulties and possibly bigger heartbreaks as you see your children go astray and suffer bigger problems, bigger difficulties, bigger break­ings, by having to go through things that they could have learned at a younger age.

111. It's a big responsibility to be a parent or a teacher or a helper of any sort‚ and consistent discipline is one responsibility that you can't afford to shirk, or you'll be sorry in the long run. It requires real desperation, real prayer‚ and a lot of hard work, but the Lord can help you and He knows you can do it‚ amen? (End of message from Dad.)

Andy's Story—The Negative

Effects of Inconsistent Discipline

112. (Mama:) The Lord even sent someone to tell us his story of his time as a child on Earth. This isn't a happy story; it's a sad but true story about the negative effects of inconsistent discipline.

113. (Andy speaking: ) Hello. My name is Andy and I have a story to tell you of how I was treated when I was very small. My mother and father loved me a lot. They prayed for me because they wanted a little boy, and Jesus answered their prayers and sent me to be that little boy.

114. It was wonderful to have parents who loved me so much. I felt secure and warm and at peace in my mother's arms. When my dad would hold me I could feel such strength and his power to protect me, and it gave me a feeling of trust and rest. Even as a little baby, those things were important.

115. It was very important to me to feel my mother's warmth and love, and my father's strong arms of security and protection. It gave me a sense of well-being which allowed my body‚ mind and spirit to grow and to form just the way God intended it to. It helped me to be balanced, to be healthy in body, mind, and spirit, and for my mind to develop in an orderly fashion. It was such a wonderful‚ loving atmosphere.

116. I was so happy that I just grew and grew and grew. That first year was so pleasant. My entrance into this earthly life was made easy for me by such a wonderful, loving, caring mother and father. I'm so happy they prayed for me, because then I got to go to parents who really wanted me. So when I came along, they did the very best they could to take care of me spiritually, physically and mentally. They were wonderful parents.

117. As I got older, I started learning to do things on my own and becoming more in­dependent. There was so much to do and see. Right from the start‚ it was obvious that my dad wanted me to grow up to be a strong, fine, well-disciplined young man, so he never tolerated any behavior or any action or any activity that he didn't feel was right. I knew he loved me‚ though, and I respected him, although it wasn't always easy because I wanted to do what I wanted to do, go where I wanted to go, and explore the things I wanted to explore.

118. I had strong curiosity, and my dad would often stand in the way, and in my mind, prevent me from having fun and from doing what I really wanted to do. I couldn't always understand why I was being disciplined for this, that, or the other, but I knew my father loved me, and that made it easier to take. I guess you could say even at that young age, I had to learn to take things by faith‚ just because daddy said so.

119. My mom loved me too, of course, and she would give me a little discipline here or there, but I knew that if I just persisted, she wouldn't push the matter. I always knew I could do more exploring and do more of what I wanted to do when I was with my mom. I loved both my parents the same, but I learned very early on what I could do with my dad and what I could do with my mom.

120. As I grew older, as the years passed‚ my will became stronger and my desire to do what I wanted to do increased. I knew from my early days that my dad wouldn't let me do as much as I wanted to, so I'd wait until he wasn't around to do what I wanted to do. I knew my mom might say something; she might put up a fuss, but she wasn't going to stop me.

121. I loved to dig around in my toy box and pull out all these neat things to play with, and I would scatter them all over the floor. When dad was there, he would make me pick them up and not leave them lying around. Mom would tell me to move them, but I wouldn't, and I knew she wasn't going to make me. She would do it herself‚ because it was easier than trying to get me to do it.

122. But then a funny thing started happening. I don't know where it began or how it began; it just sort of started little by little. But somehow that love and respect that I felt for my dad when he would love me and then discipline me when I was very young began to turn to resentment when he disciplined me. I felt he was being unfair and unkind‚ because when I was with my mom, she was much more understand­ing, loving, and sweet. If I didn't want to do some­thing, she didn't press the issue; she just let me do what I wanted to do. So I started to re­sent my father. I started to resent his heavier hand in my life and I didn't want to be around him as much as I did my mom, because she was more easygoing.

123. Then I started to resent my mom, too. I started losing my respect for her because she hardly ever stopped me from doing anything, whether it was good for me or not. She just let me do whatever I wanted to. Oh, she'd get upset with me and yell at me, but it didn't seem to bother me so much. The yelling and the pleading and sometimes even begging me to do things never really bothered me, and I just kept on doing what I was doing.

124. I was getting old enough to think that maybe the things I was doing weren't so good anymore, that maybe I shouldn't be doing them. But I'd been acting that way for so long, it became a habit. I remember even thinking that I wished I could be good‚ but I had made such a habit of being bad when I was around my mom that it was hard to break the habit. I resented being with my dad because I knew he'd discipline me, so I was getting into a sad state.

125. Deep inside I loved my parents dearly, but I was growing confused. I didn't understand what was going on inside. If I loved my dad so much, why was I feeling resentful and hurt and that he was being unfair to me? I loved my mom dearly, but why was I losing my respect for her and resenting her for not disciplining me?

126. Instead of feeling happy, warm, secure and loved, I began to feel confused and a little lonely and sad inside. I didn't know what to do about the sadness or the confusion, so I just decided that I would do what I wanted to do. I was going to set out to make myself happy because I was so sad and insecure inside. I wanted to do something that made me feel happy and secure again.

127. I started wanting all the toys for myself, and when my other little brothers and sisters who had come along after me wanted the toys, I refused to let them have them, because they were mine. I wanted them because I thought it was going to make me feel happy and secure again if I could have everything I wanted. The other children would come over to play and every­thing would be fine until they wanted to do something their way. That really got to me, because I wanted things to be my way. I wasn't just selfish like all little children are selfish, and have to learn how to share. Because I wasn't given consistent discipline‚ I didn't learn that there are rules for how to live lovingly, and so I wanted everything to be my way all the time.

128. I wanted to be happy and to feel ­secure, so I was being mean and saying hurtful and unkind things to the other children, and even doing mean things, because I wanted it all my way. I wanted to feel good, important, happy and secure.

129. I didn't understand all these things like I do now; I didn't understand what I'm telling you so clearly. At the time, I just had these childish feelings. These things were just going on inside my heart and mind. I didn't understand sadness so much, and I didn't understand in­security. It was just a feeling that was there, and because the feeling was there, I acted the way I did to try to compensate for the feeling. It's not that I thought in my mind, "Oh, I'm sad now," or "I'm insecure." I guess you could say I just sensed it or I felt it, and because of that, my re­actions came out the way they did.

130. As you can see, it was a downward ­spiral. Because I felt those things in my heart, I set out to make myself happy or make myself feel secure. But I just made others feel bad and unhappy, and I grew to be more selfish and more self-centered. And so the cycle began, and it was very hard to break out of that cycle.

131. Of course, there were times when I was very happy. I knew that my parents loved me, so it's not that I never felt loved or secure. It's just that it wasn't the way it was when I was little. I wasn't always sad and unhappy, but these were things that were happening beneath the surface‚ way deep down there. Sometimes I wasn't even aware of it, and neither were ­others.

132. I really had some rough years as a young child. I experienced a lot of heartache. I often felt misunderstood, and that made growing up that much more difficult.

133. Well, my life ended rather tragically in a car accident, so I never lived my life on Earth to the full, but I came to Heaven where I continued to grow and to mature. It was so wonderful to get Here! Things were very different. But you know, I had quite a bit to unlearn once I arrived. Some of the attitudes and thought patterns that I had developed on Earth had to be unlearned so that I could relearn things the right way.

134. It was God's mercy to bring me Home to Heaven early, so that I was able to learn the things I missed learning on Earth, and thus begin a happy life much earlier than if I'd had to live out my life on Earth. Because I didn't have a good foundation of consistent discipline and training when I was young, I would have had to learn many lessons the hard way in my adult life‚ and I know it wouldn't have been very happy or pleasant.

135. Inconsistent discipline seems like such a small thing, but it's a big problem and has big consequences. It was certainly a big problem for me, and it had big consequences for my feelings and my behavior.

136. There are many different levels of reactions to inconsistent discipline. There's the obvious one that people can see clearly, and that's when you get disciplined by one person and not by another. Then you don't really learn discipline and you carry on being naughty when you're with someone who's not disciplining you. You end up being more naughty than you normally would have been, just because there's such a big opportunity to be that way. Then lots of kids get in trouble or they hurt themselves, or they have bad accidents because they're not obeying and they're in that frame of mind that they can do whatever they want to do because nobody's going to stop them. Lots of children do real damage, either to themselves or to ­others because they get in that frame of mind. That's the big problem, the open problem‚ the one that people see the most, and it's a bad thing.

137. But what I've been telling you about is what happens inside when there's inconsistent discipline, and how it can make a child feel unloved and insecure, way deep down. That affects them not only then, but later in life too‚ and makes it more difficult for them to adjust and become a well-balanced, loving, caring, understanding adult.

138. In my heart I really liked the discipline, because it helped me to know what I should and shouldn't do. It made me feel secure because it gave me boundaries in my life. It made me feel loved because I knew someone cared enough to show me right from wrong. Though I didn't like it at the time and often showed my dislike by crying or doing other things that let my parents know that I wasn't happy about what they were doing‚ in my heart I still felt it was good, and I was thankful that I was receiving it.

139. I know if I'd gotten consistent discipline from both my parents when I was younger, I would have thought differently about discipline. I would have grown up with a different viewpoint on it. I would have seen that when Jesus disciplines, He disciplines in love‚ because He knows it's for my good and He wants me to do good and be loved and feel secure and grow up to be a responsible adult who can help others and take care of others and their needs.

140. So you see, consistent discipline helps children like me to have a healthy attitude towards discipline. Such discipline makes a child feel loved and secure, and gives them a healthy, loving fear of the Lord too.

141. Of course, the opposite is true if there is inconsistent discipline‚ like I received when I was very small. It made me develop the wrong attitude toward discipline from others and even from Jesus. Then instead of being open, kind, loving, warm and giving, I was growing up to be selfish and self-centered, feeling a little lonely and insecure.

142. That's my story of what happened when I was little and what was going on in my heart and mind because my parents were not consist­ent in their discipline. Of course, everybody's different and no two people will always discipline in exactly the same way, but I think you know what I mean. My problems developed because my dad was so strict and my mom let me get away with almost anything.

143. It would have even been better if they could have decided to each change halfway so that at least their discipline of me would have been consistent. It wasn't that my mom needed to be just like my dad, and of course, the goal was not for my dad to be like my mom. But it wouldn't have hurt for my dad to even tone down his strict discipline some so he would be more consistent with my mom, and my mom needed to bring hers up to a higher level. It would have given me a healthier outlook on discipline in the long run, to receive that consist­ent discipline on a regular basis from both parents. I love you. (End of message from Andy.)

Deciding as a Home

On a United Standard

144. (Mama: ) Thank You Jesus for sending Andy to tell us his story, his firsthand experience. It's pretty sobering, and I pray it motivates you, dear parents, to get down to business with the Lord and your mate and the ­others in your Home to decide on a united standard for your children, if you haven't already, and really commit to upholding that standard together for the sake of your children!

145. If you and your mate, as parents, have not been united in your discipline standard thus far, you might wonder how to get back on track, to avoid the same things that happened to dear Andy happening to your children. The first step, of course, is to go to the Lord. Humble yourselves and accept that probably neither of you are all "right," but that you're going to have to come to an agreement somewhere in between, in accordance with the standard of the Word‚ your Home discipline standard, and in counsel with the Lord. Then begin to discuss things honestly between you. Read up on the subject together, and ask the Lord for His specific counsel together. It will take humility, love, and lots of good communication, but it will be well worth it!

146. It's not just the parents that need to agree—the whole Home needs to get united about it, because everyone winds up taking time with the children at one time or another. Even if the parents are united in their discipline‚ if ­others in the Home are not, the child can still suffer from the negative effects of inconsistent discipline. And it's not just the number of people disciplining that can be the problem; even one person can give a child inconsistent discipline.

147. Another important aspect of being united as a Home in your discipline standard is to be supportive of one another in front of the children. That's often difficult, especially if you walk in as one of your children is being talked to rather sternly, or being corrected or disciplined for something that you feel is a light offense or should be handled differently. But to speak up right then in front of the children or to say something like, "Honey, it's not such a big deal," or "How could you correct them for that?" is extremely detrimental and will tear down the standard that you're trying to build. If you feel that something is not handled correctly, talk to the person afterwards and share your heart and come to an agreement. But don't bring it up in front of the children!

148. One thing to remember about dis­ciplining consistently is that in the long run it will save a lot of heartache and even unnecess­ary discipline, because the children will learn their lessons quicker. Whereas‚ if they are only corrected some­times and other times they aren't, chances are they'll have to be corrected a lot more times and will take a lot longer to learn the lesson. Eventually they will have to learn the lesson somehow—whether they learn it from being lovingly taught and disciplined, or whether they learn it the hard way from sad experi­ence, or from the Lord's chastening hand. So the ­loving thing to do is to discipline consist­ently.

149. Committing to disciplining consist­ently is a big job. If you see that you're weak in the area of consistent, loving discipline, it's likely that others will need to help you. You'll benefit from the counsel, help and prayers of others, and if you live with other parents and children, you'll definitely have to decide together on the discipline standard. Oftentimes as parents it's easy to become familiar with a situation, especially a behavioral problem with one or more of your children, and you don't see things as clearly after a period of time. Thus it helps to have others tell you how they see things.

150. Receiving suggestions or counsel from others about your child or the way you discipline or don't discipline is a sensitive issue, at least for most parents, and especially new parents. But if you can learn to accept advice from others, it will help you to have a more objective perspective. It will also help your Home to be in greater unity about the care of your children if you parents and teachers and other Home members all counsel together and pray together about things.

151. Of course‚ as the Charter states, the parents have the ultimate responsibility, and thus the final decision about the care or discipline of their children rests with them. But that doesn't mean that the parents are sufficient in themselves—we all need help, and especially in the area of discipline, outside input is often very helpful.

152. Discipline for your children can be one of those "hot topics" to discuss—a very subjective, touchy subject, which is often hard to discuss and agree on without taking things personally or stepping on someone's toes. But I pray that each of you will see the need enough from the message that Dad gave and from Andy's personal experience that you will be willing to lay aside your pride and really pray and ask the Lord to help you be able to discuss it together, accept each other's help and counsel‚ and commit to living a united standard for the sake of the children.

153. Let me just mention here that it's very easy to become critical of each other or start pointing the finger when you have to talk about raising the standard in any area. Those of you who don't have children yourselves‚ please ­really pray and ask the Lord to help you present any points that you have in a spirit of love and humility, remembering that parents not only have a very big job but a very long-term job, and there's often more than meets the eye to teaching a child even a simple lesson.

154. Likewise, dear parents‚ please remember that those who care for the children lay down their lives daily to do so, and also carry a very big load in their training and discipline. It's very frustrating for them if they try to discipline your children and don't feel your support, or you let the kids get away with things when they're with you that they wouldn't be allowed to do with their teachers. Please pray together that the Lord will help you to come to an agreement, and make a commitment to support each other in love for the sake of "our" children. Amen?

155. The Lord understands that it's a sensitive topic, and He gave a very good message about it‚ which I pray will be helpful for you.

Ask the Lord to Help You

See the Need to Discipline

156. (Jesus speaking:) I know it's difficult for many of you, My precious, faithful parents, to receive instruction about the care and discipline of your children. It's easy for you to take it very personally, to feel quite offended about it. The Enemy tries to use your sensitivity as a way to get in and harm the children, because if he can keep you from receiving the instruction and counsel about how to care for your children, or keep you from receiving the counsel about their need for discipline in order to grow, then he's won a great victory. Because when you refuse counsel and the truth, you're not able to see things clearly as I see them, and so the children don't receive what they need.

157. The first step to being able to receive counsel or suggestions or instruction about the discipline of your children is to believe that loving discipline is of Me, and is in fact necess­ary in order to raise happy children. You must understand the need for discipline and believe that it's good and necessary—no matter how much it hurts you to have to discipline your child, and no matter how hard it is for you to do it, no matter how much time it takes—that it's worth it and will bear good fruit in your child's life. If you believe that, you will be much more open and receptive to the suggestions of ­others and the conviction of My Word, and much more desperate to ask Me about things personally‚ because you realize what a very important responsibility it is and you want to do it right for the benefit of your little one. You also must re­alize that you aren't sufficient for the task by yourself, but that you need the help and opinions of others.

158. Discipline is constant hard work, and there isn't an easy way out. This is one of the reasons that some people don't discipline their children—because it's a lot of work and it's easy to get weary in well doing and opt to let them go their own way. It's a fight to keep that commitment and conviction strong in your life.

159. So to begin with‚ you must be convinced in your own mind that you're doing the right thing by giving your children loving, consistent discipline, and making it a priority to devote the time it takes to train them. Otherwise, when it gets difficult, when the children cry, when one of them begins having behavior problems that don't seem to be improving, when the battles seem long and you feel weary, you won't have the strength to keep going if you don't see the need yourself and believe that loving, consist­ent‚ Godly discipline is the answer—ordained of Me to help shape and train your children to become what I've created them to be.

160. You must see that your kids will not become the men and women of God that I've called them to be if you don't discipline them. If you don't train them from the very beginning to love Me and fear Me, if you don't teach them about the results of their decisions, the consequences of their behavior, then when it comes time for Me to work in their lives, the children will be confused. Whereas if they have a good foundation, laid from the beginning, they'll see My hand in their life and it will be easier for them to make the right decisions—thus easier for Me to use them. I depend on you, My parents, to lay the foundation.

161. So for these reasons I ask that you parents study My Word on the subject, so that you can clearly see the reasons why I'm asking you to discipline your children. If you don't see the need, then ask Me to help you see it. Ask Me to help you understand and give you the conviction and the desire that you need—that you must have—in order to follow through with good, loving, Godly, consistent discipline. Ask Me to give you the humility that's needed to listen to others' opinions and pray and discuss the standard together, and then commit to it together. You can ask Me to change your outlook, change your attitude, and help you to see the need and have the conviction to follow through‚ to guide your children lovingly with My wisdom.

162. You must learn to see it as a part of love—not as a punishment, or a lack of patience or tolerance‚ but as a loving gift, a labor of love, that you're willing to go through the pain in order to guide and direct your children aright. You're willing to lay down your life and endure the extra work, the difficulties‚ even the pain of hearing them cry when you correct them, in order to keep them from much worse danger and being hurt physically because they haven't learned to obey—or worse yet, in later life being miserable because they haven't learned to obey My laws for a loving life, which bring happiness and fulfillment.

163. Just like people pray for a burden to win souls, or pray for the grace and desire to do anything, you have to have that desperation in your heart to begin with before you can follow through and perform that which is needed and do My will. So pray for an open‚ yielded and willing heart, one that's willing to learn, and not one that is set in its ways and closed to instruction.

164. If you will put your will on My side and ask Me to help you to see the need and to learn, out of love for your child, then I can help you through the counsel of My Word and the instruction and suggestions of others to become the parent that your children need you to be—one who's not only patient, but also one who helps them learn the difference between right and wrong, and prepares them for life.

165. But you have to be open-minded first before you will receive in full. You have to have a vacuum before it can be filled. Once you've prayed and asked Me to help you, begin reading My Word on the subject and asking others for their help and counsel. Make a vacuum for Me to fill, and I'll help you to learn and grow in this area. (End of message from Jesus)

166. (Mama:) The key in all of this is to learn to ask the Lord, to go to the Lord about individual situations. Go to the Lord together as a Home about what rules to lay down as your Home standard, and what the consequences should be. Come before the Lord regularly with your mate or with the teachers in the Home, asking the Lord for His specific solutions to specific problems. And any time when you aren't sure what to do—or even if you think you know what to do—ask Him, and He'll tell you!

167. The Lord gives such good‚ specific counsel when you ask Him for it. He loves to tell us what's going on in our little ones' hearts and minds, why they do the things they do‚ and how we can best help them through the stages they're going through.

168. I want to share with you some of the messages that our young parents in WS have received about their children and particular situations, not only as an example of the kind of specific counsel the Lord loves to pour out, but also because portions of them might be very helpful to you in understanding your children. Of course, it goes without saying that the best way to understand your child is to ask our never-failing Husband and parent counselor‚ and He'll give you the full scoop!

Messages Received for

Trevor and Olivia—During a Move

169. This first message was received when Bethy and Keana prayed together with the children's teacher during the time of a move. They were all very busy, and Trevor and Olivia had begun behaving very badly towards each other, to the point where it was hard to have them playing together at all, as they had so many little arguments and had to receive so much correction. The mommies were wondering if the solution was to separate them for this time ­period until things could stabilize and they could have their regular routine again.

170. As you'll see from these two mess­ages, they weren't long and complex; they were received in a quick little touch-base time that the mommies and teacher had in the middle of everything, but they gave the solutions that they needed‚ and from then on the kids did so much better! The move still continued, everyone was still very busy, but the little "keys to victory" that the Lord gave made a world of dif­ference‚ and it was different from what they would have probably decided the solution was had they not asked the Lord.

171. You may find that hearing from the Lord doesn't always bring about an instant victory in the situation. If you go to the Lord and are following what He says to do but things don't seem to be improving‚ go back to Him and ask Him why. He might give you a further key to unlock the solution, or He might encourage you that you just have to keep going, that it takes time. The wonderful thing is that we don't have to wonder or bump around in the dark looking for the answer—we can just ask! Thank You Jesus!

172. (Jesus speaking: ) This is a time of training for My little ones too. I give them to you not only for a special mission, for all that I have for them to accomplish on Earth and for the special gift of love that they are to you, but I also send them that they might receive training that they will need for the days ahead. In the future, when I will rule and reign on Earth, I will need those who are not only trained in the ways of Heaven, but who also know what it's like to live on Earth. For this reason I send you, My children of David, many children, that they might experience living on Earth‚ and at the same time be trained in My Heavenly ways.

173. I tell you this so you can keep the overall vision that these little lessons of learning to get along, learning to obey, learning to interact lovingly with others, learning to listen and follow instructions, all of these are valuable lessons which they will be called upon to teach others. And the way you teach them these lessons will influence the way they teach them to others.

174. Keeping the vision that this is an important part of their training will also help you to give it the priority it deserves. This time of moving has been very busy, and I understand that, and I've given your children extra spirit helpers to help them through this time, during these days when you have been very busy. The move is not over yet, but the time has come to tune in fully to your children again; not only you, the parents‚ but all those who care for them, to give them their full attention and concentration and focus of their prayers and their love while they're with them. That in itself will be the first step on the road to victory.

175. As you give them your full attention and you remember to pray for them, I will speak to you and show you things to do that will make it easier. I will give you solutions as you go along, and will also help the children to adjust and to be happier and more content, and more loving in their actions. (End of message from Jesus.)

176. (Jesus speaking: ) Lovest thou Me? Feed My sheep. When they have the essentials and the basic building blocks to each day—their Word time, memory time, get–out, etc.—you'll find that they're much happier and they feel challenged and inspired; they feel busy and attended to. They'll be much happier, and they'll be much easier to manage. Though it's a very busy time, if you take the time to pour into them, to feed them, and to teach them each day, it will make a world of difference. Many of the problems and the difficulties will lessen or disappear altogether. (End of message from Jesus.)

Messages for Colette—

Boundaries Combined with

Large Doses of Love!

177. (Mama: ) These next two messages were received by Francis‚ Yvonna and Jenna when they were praying about their daughter, Colette, and the recent stage she was going through of being more demanding and whiny.

178. (Jesus speaking: ) Part of this problem that Colette is having is simply part of the natural phase that all young children go through when they begin to assert their independence and test to see what their limits are, what their boundaries are, and how much they can get away with. Every young child does that when they come out of the baby stage and into the toddler stage and the child stage, and Colette is no exception. So you can't let it worry you too much‚ because it's something that's fairly normal and common. But that doesn't mean that you need to allow it or let her get away with it just because it's a common thing.

179. You need to lovingly but firmly show her where her boundaries are and what she can and can't do. You can't let her get away with throwing a fit or throwing things down on the floor in anger or willfully disobeying. She needs to learn that she has to obey and she has to be willing to follow what you or her teachers tell her to do. It'll be much easier to teach her this lesson now at this very moldable stage than it will when she gets older. So even if you have to be a little overly strict, it's better and easier than later on when it'll take a great deal more effort to correct the problem.

180. That doesn't mean, of course, that you can't let her have fun and play and do things that she wants to do, and you should try to give her as much leeway as you can and use distraction techniques and things that will help her to have fun, and make sure she's in an environment where she's challenged and not bored and where she has fun things she can do.

181. If she gets frustrated out of boredom or because you aren't providing her with sufficient opportunities to do things, then that really isn't entirely her fault. You're to blame as well. But you have to put limits on what she can get away with, and when it comes to disobeying or throwing fits and being willfully rebellious, that's where you have to put your foot down and let her know that you're not going to let her get away with it‚ whether she's bored or not.

182. She's sensitive to correction and discipline, but it's important that you give it to her and not spare her, because otherwise she won't learn and she will grow up pushing the boundaries further and further, and it'll be more difficult to rein her in. The more lovingly firm you are at an early stage, once she sees that you're serious about it, then she'll stop making such a big deal about it. It's like when she had a very hard time going to sleep, but now it's easier for her to do since she just knows that it's time to go to sleep, and she doesn't put up as big a fuss as she did about it before. But of course that's been an ongoing process and it didn't happen ­overnight.

183. There will be tears shed along the way, but if you maintain consistency and are faithful to discipline—as well as give lots of love‚ of course—then the battle will be won and you'll get through this stage without too much difficulty.

184. Whenever you discipline her, it's important to give her a lot of love afterwards and pray with her; let her know that you're not upset with her and that you love her. You just don't like what she's doing, and it's the sin that's wrong and not her as a person.

185. Having boundaries combined with large doses of love from you will help her to feel very secure and stable as she grows up. It's very important for her to know that she can depend on you as her parents to stand strong in the principles that you feel are important, but to give her leeway in the others when it's not that important‚ and most of all, to give her lots of love and to make her feel very secure and cared for. (End of message from Jesus.)

186. (Guardian angel or someone who works with Colette: ) Colette is such a joy to watch and to help every day as she grows and learns new things and discovers the world around her.

187. When Colette gets into this stage of frustration, it's because she's just beginning to communicate and she's brimming over with excitement to express her ideas and her thoughts, so she finds it frustrating sometimes when ­others don't understand her, or when her vocabulary is so small. Sometimes what she's trying to convey or say is overlooked or ignored, so one thing that would help her in her frustration is if she feels that you're really listening to the things she's trying to say.

188. Try to understand her. If you don't, ask her questions‚ or at least appear to be making an effort; that way she won't feel so frustrated with herself and her inability to communicate. Then she'll feel that you care and that you're trying to understand her‚ and it will help her to learn how to be with others as well.

189. She doesn't know how to control her emotions yet; that's why she'll occasionally become disruptive or throw a fit. So although it's good not to let this go on, and to rein her in and give her boundaries, it's also good to have a measure of patience and understanding—to first do your part to understand her, to listen to her, to get on her level, and then of course, correct her behavior and teach her how to get her emotions under control. Teach her to pray and ask the Lord to help her.

190. I think that that will really alleviate a lot of what is frustrating for her, and it will also draw you closer together. (End of message from spirit helper)

191. (Mama:) Thank You Jesus! You and our Heavenly helpers have all the answers we need! I want to close with a beautiful message from Jesus which I think will be very encouraging for you. Dear Family, I pray that these Words from the Lord that you've read will motivate you to follow through, to seek the Lord about what changes you need to make, to unite with those in your Home about the standard for your children‚ and to commit to lovingly upholding it—for the sake of their future happiness!

192. I know you can do it. I know it's a big job, and the Lord knows that too, and has promised you lots of Heavenly help. You're not fighting this battle alone—Jesus is right there beside you‚ along with as many spirit helpers as you ask for, and Peter and I are with you through our prayers.

193. You probably feel the situation is overwhelming, so please go to the Lord right away and ask Him how He sees it, and what you need to do to begin. He'll make it simple. He'll show you the first step, and the next, and the next. You don't have to know all the answers or have all the strength. All you have to do is follow Him! Amen?

Please Be My Love

For Your Little One!

194. (Jesus speaking:) Today is the day! Today is the day to begin anew—to call out to Me for My help and wisdom‚ and for the love and faithfulness to be consistent with the care and discipline of My little lambs. I know you don't have the strength within you. I know it's exhausting, draining, and you feel as if it sucks the very life out of you at times—and it does! Virtue goes out of you when you pour out, pouring into someone else. Even I felt it when I gave and gave and gave, and felt I had no more to give. I had to rise early and seek My Father for the strength and grace and love that I needed to carry on.

195. So it is with disciplining children. It's a day in‚ day out responsibility—something that never takes a day off, never goes away, and is always with you. This is one of the main ­reasons why so few choose to discipline the way they're supposed to—because it's so much hard work, and once you start, if you stop and then try to start again, you find that you've lost much ground and have to backtrack.

196. Disciplining is one of a parent's greatest responsi­bilities‚ a large part of love, and it is My hand in the child's life. My love is largely manifest to them in the form of consistent, loving, gentle and fair discipline. If they're treated harshly, roughly, too strictly‚ inconsistently‚ or not given clear boundaries, it reflects directly on Me and how they perceive My love for them. They learn to love and know Me through the training which they're given from their parents, and a large part of that training comes from the way the parents handle the discipline.

197. So you see, it's very important! It's how they will come to know Me‚ My ways, and My love. If they're lovingly shown the right path and experience the consequences when they disobey, they'll learn the important principle that I cannot bless disobedi­ence. If they're treated with love and fairness, they'll come to appreciate My justice and how I reward people according to their works. If they experience mercy, love, and understanding, they'll also feel My mercy, My love, and will be freer to express themselves, knowing that I always understand. If they have clear boundaries set‚ they'll come to be secure in My love and My ways, knowing the right from the wrong, and learning to do the loving thing.

198. These are all foundation stones in their training, and there's no other way that they can learn them at this young age, save through loving care and discipline, which you must give them. Yes, if they do not receive dis­cipline as children, then I must discipline them when they're older, and they may in time learn the same lessons and come around to the same conclusions. But oh, how much easier it is for them to learn now, when they're young, moldable, and eager to absorb and take in! Now their values in life are being formed‚ the morals which they will stand by, and the foundation of their love for Me and their fear of Me.

199. If these things are lacking when they're grown, then for all that I want to use them I have no foundation. This is the time of building that foundation—stone upon stone, day by day. It's a tiresome job, a wearying job, and one that requires much love, patience, and wisdom. I know that you don't have that in yourself, but I have it here for you if you'll receive it.

200. Many parents look at the daunting task before them and they feel they'll not be able to finish it, so they don't even try. They're discour­aged before they even begin, for they know that they don't have the strength within them. Yes‚ I know that you do not, but I've made it that way so that you might call out to Me on a regular basis to receive new insight, new wisdom, new strength, and most of all, an infilling of My love for this very important task. It's not something that can be accomplished in your own strength; it's the molding and shaping of a life, and only I have the wisdom and the knowledge of what's best for the precious little one.

201. Many things may change as their little hearts change. Many different things may be needed as they make decisions and grow and progress. Continuing with one set plan or method will not work, and will only harm in the end. That's why I've made it so that you must cry out to Me for My wisdom, My strength, and My love. For I know that you must have new direction and leading on a regular basis, in order to meet the changing needs of your child.

202. My loves, I know the task seems daunting‚ but I need you to do it. It's part of your responsibility as parents to be My hands, My eyes, My love, My care in your child's life. Without loving and consistent discipline, a large part of the foundation is missing, and in the days to come the building will be unsteady.

203. You may look at your little one now and think: "But it's so much more difficult to try and make them do the right thing. It's much easier for me to bend to their wishes than try to get them to bend to mine. Maybe I'm just being selfish by trying to get them to follow a schedule. Maybe I'm being too harsh when I enforce a rule. They cry and make a big scene, and sometimes are grumpy for the rest of the morning. Maybe it's just unnecessary and I should just live with it and wait till they're older before trying to get them to obey. Right now they need their childhood and their freedom, and I don't want to take that away from them."

204. My dear ones, you're not taking away any of their happiness by giving them loving discipline. To the contrary, you're building a foundation for security‚ love, and the great happiness of knowing My will and following it. So instead of depriving them of something, you're giving them a great gift. You're showing them how to live life to the full by My rules of love. In the end, that will bring the greatest happiness! You're preparing them to receive Me—My will, My law of loving and Godly living. This is a foundation stone for life, and without it, they'll have to learn the hard way and life will be much more painful.

205. You might say, "But how is teaching them to pick up their blocks or come when I call them going to prepare them for life? When they're older, they won't even remember these small things, and when they're older they'll be able to learn easily, for they'll understand more clearly."

206. This is not so‚ My dear parents. For though they may not remember these tiny instances, these little instances are molding and shaping your little one's character now, and they are preparation for the next grade. If they're not taught these lessons now, the lessons are much more difficult in the next class—and yet more difficult in the next, and the next‚ and the next. When the child is full grown‚ if he still hasn't learned them, then the stakes are very high and the price is much unhappiness and hurt—for both him and others.

207. So though it may be much labor for you now, it's a labor of love—for it is in love for your child that you teach them about life and how to live lovingly. It is My love for them, manifested in the form of loving discipline and training which you give them. Please be My love for your little one. Don't let it slide, feeling that it will hurt them or deprive them, or that it's too much work for you, or that you don't know how to complete it because you don't have the wisdom, and so you don't begin at all. I will help you, teach you‚ and instruct you through My Word.

208. I'll be your strength when you're weak, your help when you're tired. I'll do the work that you can't do—that of working in the heart of your little ones and guiding them from within. But I can't do that without your help. We must be a team, you and I, to train our little ones aright. I have great need of them in the days to come‚ and that preparation on Earth began at the day of their birth, and continues today. So let's follow the plan, let's have a good balance, and see what love can do!

209. This is not to say that there must be many rules, or very strict and unbending rules‚ or harsh correction. That is just as damaging as no discipline at all, for it will make them rebel. But there must be clear boundaries set out‚ and there must be consequences if the child crosses those boundaries. The key for you, My darling parents, is to remember that this is a great part of love, and that it's a very necessary part of your child's preparation for the days to come.

210. Thank you for your willingness to be My hands, My eyes, My love for them. I love them dearly, and will love them through you. I love you! (End of message from Jesus.)

The following excerpts from news articles and books are GP.

Viewpoints on Discipline

A CEO speaks out

By Jonatha Holland, The Christian Science Monitor

I am a CEO. I do not have a special parking place. I do not get bonuses. As a matter of fact‚ I haven't had a paycheck in 12 years. My job description includes landscaping, house cleaning, accounting, shopping‚ and general clerical work. But my job-critical tasks are teaching‚ counseling, nurturing, and disciplining.

I am not always popular. But that's OK because it is not part of my job to be popular. I am my Children's Executive Officer.

I've been entrusted with raising three chil­dren to be adults. It's not vitally important that they become successful in the way that we ­often define success—lots of money, fame, a specific career. But I do want them to succeed in the way Webster describes it‚ "to turn out well."

I heard a mom say recently, "I don't have time to discipline." Of course we've all had moments when we've caved in. But a key part of helping my children to turn out well is to teach them that there are consequences for both good and bad behavior.

For instance‚ I was in the grocery store with my then 3-1/2 year old. He was in a phase of not wanting people to look at him. But how were these poor shoppers to know that! Of course, a woman looked at him and he stuck his tongue out at her. I asked him to apologize. He said no. I took the cookie out of his hand and again explained that that was not acceptable behavior and asked him to apologize. Nothing doing.

This saint of a woman, perhaps a veteran parent herself, patiently stood by supporting our Public Behavior 101 class. This went on and on for at least a couple of minutes until he finally apologized. I thanked her for her patience and turned my back from him to get some ­English muffins.

At that point he declared so the store could hear, "I don't like you, Mom." I turned back to him and calmly said, "You don't have to like me‚ you just need to obey me." The man stacking bread on the shelves said, "Wow, that's good…. I like that."

Discipline, which Webster describes in part as "to train or develop by instruction and exercise, especially in self-control" is a large part of parenting. It's teaching your child to learn self-control, to accept responsibility for his actions, to think clearly‚ and make good choices.

I've realized that if I do too much of this for my children, they will not learn it for themselves. I often ask myself, how do you teach the children what is appropriate behavior? And the answer comes back, by behaving appropriately yourself. Every parent's heart has soared when a child demonstrates what Mom or Dad has strived to teach. The same parents have cringed when they have seen or heard their little ones mimic their less than acceptable behavior. Is this the reason to despair and give up? Absolutely not; it should inspire us to do better.

Childhood needn't be a boot camp. But it's not a free-for-all either. There's a balance to be found. My role is to help them be intelligent but not arrogant. I want them to be peacemakers, but not doormats. I want them to be good but not naïve, wise but not suspicious. I want them to be obedient but not subservient, patient but not apathetic. I want them to have respect for themselves. I want their presence in a room to bring light, not shadows.

I will retire some day from being a CEO. And it's right that I do. There will come a time when my children will be adults—and executive officers of their own lives. (Jonatha Holland is a mother of three and lives in Carlisle, Mass.)

Discipline your children

before it's too late

By Dr. Todd Cartmell, The Parent Lifesaver‚ Baker Book House Co.: Grand Rapids, Mich.

Most parents think about discipline only after the negative behavior starts in their children. Then it is too late. If you expect to change behaviors, you need to work on them well in advance of the crisis state. Discipline is merely a tool to help children make wise choices. It has a forward purpose in training them to be the best they can be.

How to discipline your children:

Make sure your children are listening when you speak. Make eye contact and minimize distractions. Have them repeat your command to make sure they have fully understood.

Speak clearly and firmly. Let your child know that you are serious. Don't pose your commands as questions or favors.

Don't speak in a threatening or militant tone. While you are trying to be firm, don't become a drill sergeant. Remember, you are talking with your children.

Cut down on unnecessary commands. Make sure that what you ask of your child is truly necessary. This will help keep your child from feeling overwhelmed and makes it easier to measure compliance.

Be as matter-of-fact as possible. Keep your cool and give negative consequences in a simple, calm‚ and factual manner. This helps reduce emotional tension and keeps the interchanges short and to the point.

Use "choosing" language. "Tommy, you can choose to listen, or you can choose a time-out." If Tommy doesn't listen, you say, "OK, Tommy‚ you chose not to listen so you just chose a time–out." If you make this a regular habit, you will be teaching your child that he/she is responsible for his/her behavior. You will be helping him/her to learn that he/she is constantly making decisions and that wise decisions are always within his/her grasp.

Make sure the reason for discipline is clear. Make every discipline situation a learning situation. Help your child see the connections between inappropriate behavior and the resulting consequence. Time-out is a consequence of Tommy's behavior, not your anger.

Teach your child how to avoid the consequences. You are trying to teach and encourage your child to make the right decisions. Good decisions do not have negative consequences.

Encourage better choices in the future. Remind your child that the same negative consequence does not have to happen again. Tomorrow is a new day when wise decisions can be made.

Practice positive behavior. You need to make sure that your child knows how to do the proper behavior that can replace the inappropriate behavior. Talk about what behaviors would be more appropriate the next time the situation arises.

Be consistent. Misbehavior must be addressed consistently if you want your children to learn the rules. You need to teach them that misbehavior never pays off and that negative behaviors are consistently followed by an appropriate negative consequence.

Types of parents

(AP) "Parents who are not harshly punitive, but who set firm boundaries and stick to them‚ are significantly more likely to produce children who are high achievers and who get along well with others," states U.S. News and World Report. Such parents are termed "authoritative" ("do it for this reason"), as opposed to "authoritarian" ("do it because I'm the parent") and "permissive" ("do whatever you want"), disciplinary styles that produced children with behavioral traits that were markedly different.

The studies, which spanned two decades, showed that authoritative parents were more likely to have children who were stable, contented, self-controlled‚ and self-reliant, and who were less likely to experiment with drugs. "Authoritative parents are not bossy," says University of California psychologist Diana Baumrind, who conducted the studies. "They make it their business to know their children, how they're doing in school and who their friends are. Their control reflects a high level of commitment to the child‚ and they are not afraid to confront the child."

They're brats, but they're not yours.

So do you tell them off?

By Aminatta Forna, The Guardian

Not long ago a colleague of mine had an abominable experience. A young boy, egged on by his chums, urinated on her from the bal­cony of an apartment building. The liquid drenched her hair and face. Dreadful, but it didn't end there. When she shouted at the kids (which was all she could do) their mother appeared and yelled back at her, telling her to leave her kids alone.

A few days before, a friend, back from a winter vacation, told me how their holiday was ruined by the detestable behavior, particularly at mealtimes‚ of another couple's children. He would have loved to give the pair of them a clip round the ear, he confessed. And so would all the other adults in the chalet, who griped about it later and at length. But no one did.

Sometime in the recent past, there came a turning point in modern parenting manners when it became decidedly not the done thing to tell off somebody else's child. Adults seemingly recall numerous instances when‚ as children, we were on the receiving end of a sharp word, even a slap on the back of the calves from any number of people: the bus conductor, a local shopkeeper, a schoolfriend's mother or father or even a total stranger. But‚ increasingly, few of us can remember the last time we told off a child not our own.

So what's happened? The circle of those with the authority to discipline many children has narrowed to exclude even those close relatives: uncles, aunts … everyone, in fact, except the natural parents.

Julia, a 34-year-old mother of three, tells how her sister-in–law stopped her once as she was repri­manding her nephew at a family gathering. She'd caught the boy cracking a much smaller child in the face with a cricket bat and intervened just as he was about to have another go. "I'll do it. We like to stress the positive," the mother explained.

Michele Elliot, a child psychologist and director of Kidscape, blames modern child-rearing philosophies. "It's the sort of thing that would make my grandmother turn in her grave. We are obsessed with being positive." According to Parentline's Carol Baisden: "We are all, as adults, responsible for raising the next generation. But discipline has become the touchy subject." "But life isn't always positive," continues Michele Elliot, "and your children are going to encounter a lot of different people in the course of events. If you don't want anyone else to have the authority, then you had better be prepared to be with them 24 hours a day." Or‚ as Julia remarked succinctly, "when he turns into a teenage rebel, the police aren't going to stress the bloody positive‚ are they?"

Twinned with the huge explosion in child­care manuals and gurus who have endeavored to turn child-rearing into a science, people have come to look upon raising children as a kind of project. So says Arlene Westley, a child psychologist.

"People nowadays see their children as the repository of their values, a creation of their own. Therefore they don't want anyone else interfering with their methods." Children are seen as "belonging" to their parents, who are the only people who have rights in relation to them.

In fact, the sole authority of the natural ­parent has reached the point where even many step­parents do not have the authority to discipline their partner's children.

The losers, ultimately‚ are both parents and children. Carol Baisden points out that the same people who don't want others to reprimand their children would, nevertheless, want those same people to intervene if their child was in distress.

Discipline—not just for kids

By Sharon Hamatake Ellsworth, The Christian Science Monitor

"Mom, Ty called me a stupid dumbhead!" "Well‚ you should have seen what she did to me!" I sighed in mid-bite as my children barged in on my breakfast. They were at it again. How was I going to handle this?

Over the years, I had tried every form of discipline imaginable. On advice from experts and other parents, I had ignored, spanked, explained, mediated‚ and made little charts, but nothing lasted.

The night before, we had gone to a parent­ing seminar that stressed loving discipline. We were regaled with everyday scenarios and par­ental responses such as, "Oh, Rachel, I'm ­really sorry you chose to come home an hour late. We'd better make your curfew an hour earlier so you can practice being responsible."

The instructor stressed empathy from parents when kids mess up, but insisted that we do far too much to control and rescue them. The message was that kids should be responsible for their choices, and I left hopeful that this could be the method I needed.

Not 12 hours later came the opportunity to try this theory. I thought furiously‚ What would last night's presenter say? Be calm, be loving‚ offer a logical consequence.

I raised my hand to silence them and waited. Morgan and Ty stopped and looked at me, confused. This was new. There was quiet; I liked it already.

"I'm sorry you two couldn't play without fighting. Go out to the front porch where I won't have to hear you, and work this out. Come back in when you're done." I smiled sweetly and turned my attention back to breakfast.

They stormed toward the porch, stomping their feet, then slammed the front door. In the past, I would have gotten after them for that, which I now realized strayed from the point.

"The trick is to not to let your child's mood make everyone suffer," we'd been told the night before. I finished my cereal in peace, wondering if I was up to this. The key to loving discipline would not be changing my children, but changing my old fly-off–the–handle responses to their misbehavior. Before my kids could be truly responsible for their choices‚ I needed to show them the good behavior I wanted them to exhibit; my self-discipline would be as crucial to success as any effort on their part.

It's been four months since that fateful night, and my inkling was right: Loving logic works with my kids every time I calm down and use it. Tantrums cease when I refuse to argue‚ but say sincerely, "Oh, I can tell when you lose your temper that you must be tired. You need to go lie down for a while." Fights over which movie to watch are squashed with, "Since you can't decide on a movie, I guess no one will watch anything. That's too bad."

Sometimes it was difficult to stick to the con­sequence, until I thought, Am I let off if I run a stoplight or miss the deadline for taxes? No, and I don't do it again. My kids caught on fast, and now the mere suggestion of a ­consequence is usually enough.

The few times they begin to bicker, I can't get past, "Oh, it's too bad that.…" before they say, "OK, Mom, no more! We're better now!" Yes, they are‚ and I'm better, too. Thank goodness.

Just loving children is not enough

By Dr. Bob Pedrick, The Confident Parent, David C. Cook Publishing Co.: Elgin, Ill.

Children cannot be let alone like a weed growing in the wild. Too much attention, too little attention, inconsistent attention, or the wrong kind of attention can all stunt the potential of either a plant or a child. If "the Lord chastens him whom He loves" (Heb.12:6), should we as parents do less?

Just loving children is not enough! Our Heavenly Father loves each of us completely and without res­ervation, yet the Bible sets forth in vibrant detail the absolute need for man, if he wants to be happy, to learn about rights‚ respect, and responsibilities—the three R's of dis­cipline. Parents have the God-given task of helping instill these traits into the character of their children. It does not come naturally or auto­­­matically.

Good discipline develops good habits

By William K. Kilpatrick, Why Johnny Can't Tell Right from Wrong, Simon and Schuster: New York, NY.

The first way to develop good habits is through good discipline. When Jeane Westin, the author of The Coming Parent Revolution, asked parents of grown or nearly grown ­children what they would've done differently, the most frequent response was "increased discipline." These parents felt themselves victims of par­enting advice that put a premium on "under­standing" children and "relating" to them. As a result of such advice, many of these mothers and fathers had "understood" themselves into immobility. Unable to set limits, they found themselves accepting their children's most out­rageous demands and behaviors. They were acting on the assumption that discipline must come from within the child. The problem‚ as Westin points out, is that children never learn to discipline themselves unless parents start them on that road.

It is for that reason that children need parents. This view is corroborated by research into family patterns conducted by Dr. Diana Baum­rind of the University of California at Berkeley. She found that the best-adjusted and most self-possessed children had parents who were loving, but also demanding, authoritative‚ and consistent in their discipline. By contrast, permissive parents, no matter how loving, produced children who lacked self-control, initiative, and resilience.

Setting limits and enforcing habits of good behavior is not easy in the short run, but it is the best policy for the long run. One paradoxical benefit for the child is more freedom when he grows older. Psychologist William Coulson observes of several friends, accomplished musicians who were made to practice their instruments as youngsters, that they "are able to do what they want today because they weren't free to do what they wanted when they were young."

No man ever became great

doing as he pleased

By Zig Ziglar, Raising Positive Kids in a ­Negative World, Highland Books: E.Sussex, Great ­Britain.

Not to be disciplined is tantamount to dis­as­ter, because when a child gets out in the world, he will quickly discover that any discipline he has not been given by loving parents will be meted out to him by an unloving world. Developing self-discipline often requires painful learning experiences, but the result is well worth the effort.

G

One of the saddest things about overt permissive­ness, when a parent lets a child "run loose" and do everything he wants to, is that it sets up expectancy in the child's mind that ­others should and will treat him the same way. That is both unreasonable and unrealistic.

Discipline and order are part of the natural laws of the universe. The child who has not been disciplined with love by his little world (the family) will be disciplined, generally without love, by the big world.

The reality is that whether you do or don't discipline your child, you educate him to a particular set of values. Realistically, if you don't administer loving but fair discipline to the child, you can be certain society sooner or later will‚ but not always in a loving, fair manner. Perhaps that's the reason a 1980 Gallup Poll revealed that over 90% of the graduating high school seniors wished their parents and teachers loved them enough to discipline them more and require more of them.

I love this thought: "No man ever became great doing as he pleased." Little men do as they please; great men submit themselves to the laws governing the realm of their greatness.

Discipline and love aren't opposites

By James Dobson, Dare to Discipline‚ Kings­way Publications: Eastbourne, Great Britain.

Although love is essential to human life, parental responsibility extends far beyond it. A parent may love a child immeasurably, and then proceed to teach him harmful attitudes. Love in the absence of instruction will not produce a child with self-discipline‚ self-control, and respect for his fellow man. Affection and warmth underlie all mental and physical health, yet they do not eliminate the need for careful training and guidance.

At a recent psychologists' conference in Los Angeles, the keynote speaker made the statement that the greatest social disaster of this century is the belief that abundant love makes discipline un­necessary. Respectful and responsible children result from families where the proper combination of love and discipline is present.

Discipline and love are not opposites; one is a function of the other. The parent must convince himself that punishment is not something he does to the child, it is something he does for the child. His attitude towards his disobedient youngster should be, "I love you too much to let you behave like that."

G

Much has been written about the dangers of harsh, oppressive, unloving discipline; these warnings are valid and should be heeded. However, the consequences of excessive punish­ment have been cited as justification for the elimination of discipline. That is foolish. There are times when a stiff–necked child will clench his little fists and dare his parent to accept his challenge; he is not motivated by frustration or inner hostility, as is often supposed. He merely wants to know where the boundaries lie and who's available to enforce them. Many well-meaning specialists have waved the banner of tolerance, but offered no solution for defiance. They have stressed the importance of parental understanding of the child, and I concur, but we need to teach Junior that he has a few things to learn about Mom, too!

The term "discipline" is not limited to the context of punishment. Children also need to be taught self-discipline and responsible behavior. They need assistance in learning how to face the challenge and obligations of living. They must learn the art of self–control.

As the author Jack London has stated, "The best measurement of anything should be: Does it work?" When properly applied, discipline works! It permits the tender affection made possible by mutual respect between a parent and child. It bridges the generation gap which otherwise separates family members who should love and trust each other. It allows the God of our fathers to be introduced to our beloved children. It permits a teacher to do the kind of job in the classroom for which she is commissioned. It encourages a child to respect his fellowman, and live as a responsible, constructive citizen.

As might be expected, there is a price tag on these benefits: They require courage, consistency, conviction, diligence, and enthusiastic effort. In short, one must dare to discipline.