By MistyCM/FM 7/99

Intro from Mama

Dear Family‚

I asked Misty to write up her lessons for you regarding how the Lord has helped her overcome very serious battles with jealousy. Of course she was willing to do so, but she feels a little bad because she hasn't gotten a total victory. She still battles from time to time. Therefore she's tempted to think that she's not ready to testify or that the lessons won't be complete or effective for others. But I know this will be a very big encourage­ment to those of you who have ongoing battles with jealousy. It's a tough fight, a continual uphill climb, one that takes real determination and vision to see it through, and I believe you can learn a lot from Misty sharing her heart openly with you.

She gives a very detailed, intimate explanation about her deepest battles and heartcries, something which is not easy to do. It's embarrassing to let your innermost thoughts and fears be known to others, much less be published for the whole world! But I asked her to do this because I felt these lessons would be especially effective in helping you see how specific you can be when you look to the Lord for personal counsel, and how specific, gentle‚ loving, and understanding He will be in return. Also, I wanted you to see another example of how acceptance‚ yieldedness, and ­taking those needed steps by faith bring the victory.

I'm not worried about the fact that Misty is tempted to fear or be selfish or possessive every once in a while, because I know that in spite of occasional battles, she has overcome the Enemy and has won the battle! The battles are much less frequent, severe and long–lasting. Just because someone still has a battle here or there‚ that doesn't mean they've lost or haven't gained the victory! The Lord recently said to Misty: "Although you still have battles from time to time [with the Law of Love], the war is over! You've won! The victory flag has been delivered into your hands and the Enemy has had to yield to your wishes. You are in control, not him. You're the victor in that war, and he has had to flee!"

So as you read these lessons and the details of her battles, remember this, and let this be an encouragement to you, too, knowing that no matter how hot the battle or how long it continues, the Lord will ultimately be the winner—and so will you, as long as you keep fighting!

Love, Mama

1. (From Misty:) I really believe that the Law of Love is a beautiful part of our lives. I feel so privileged to know such truth and to have such freedom. But at the same time, living the Law of Love isn't easy; in fact, it can be a real killer and the source of some devastating battles if you come face to face in hand-to-hand combat with that great big ol' green–eyed monster‚ jealousy, like I did!

2. None of us want to be jealous. We know that jealousy is all kinds of really bad, icky things. There's no virtue in it; it only makes you and your loved ones miserable. Then there's every­thing else that goes along with it—the guilt, sadness, hopelessness and embarrassment‚ not to mention the sleepless nights and the hurtful words you never meant to say. Sound familiar? It's pretty bad, isn't it? But even if you realize how bad jealousy is‚ it's still so hard to get the victory over it!

3. When I battled jealousy real big, one of my biggest worries was that I'd never get over it. I felt like I was in a long tunnel with no end in sight. I sometimes wondered if I'd lose my mind, or if my marriage would survive. And I definitely had moments when I wondered if this "living the Law of Love" business was really worth it.

4. Anyone who is regularly jealous knows that along with the awful side effects of jealousy—such as suspicion, anger, arguments and wasted time—there is also the horrible discouragement and condemnation of the Enemy. Having ongoing jealousy battles can really make you feel like a horrible person. You feel hopeless‚ dirty, icky, and terribly embarrassed because of your bad attitudes and reactions, which you know are so far from what the Lord wants and what the Word teaches. I've felt that way many times. If this expresses at all what you're feeling‚ then I hope this story will be a blessing for you.

5. I have by no means arrived. I still have battles, mostly because I'm still tempted to be selfish, possessive and negative. But I'm so thankful that living the Law of Love has become a lot easier for me‚ and there are now periods of time when I don't battle at all. There was a while there, about a year actually, when I wondered if that would ever be the case. I wondered if I'd ever be free from almost constant battles with jealousy and nearly incessant worry about the future.

6. The Lord has finally been able to get through my thick skull that no matter how hot the battle or how long it lasts, the Devil can't win as long as we don't quit! Victory, deliverance, peace and happiness are there for us jealous people—if we'll just keep fighting for as long as it takes. Praise the Lord!

A Little History

7. I've been married three times. In my first marriage of seven years, which was wonderfully fruitful, I was never jealous‚ nor was my husband. That was terrific, as we were together through the days of FFing and lots of sharing in the Homes, and the lack of jealousy in our lives was a huge blessing from the Lord, not to mention that it made our lives so much simpler and easier.

8. In my second marriage of almost four years, I was extremely jealous, to the point of nearly going nuts! That ongoing war with ­raging jealousy that lasted for two years was one of the worst experiences of my life. Thank the Lord, I was delivered in 1992 after prayer and the laying on of hands, a miracle! But I never ever wanted to repeat that!

9. After getting mated to Matthew, I feared that I would be terribly jealous again. The fear of his being with younger women was gripping, to the point that at times I wondered if it would even be worth it to be married, as I didn't think I could handle the mental torture of severe jealousy battles if it were to happen again. Such fears of jealousy were baffling to Matthew, not only because he isn't a jealous person and is therefore often perplexed by my jealous reactions, but also because I was primarily jealous of younger women‚ and there weren't any younger women living in our Home. How ridiculous, huh? But those who are jealous know good and well how totally unreasonable jealousy can be.

10. It wasn't long, however, before those fears were more founded, when young women started coming to our Home in the early months of 1996. I was basically freaking out inside, be­ginning from the time I learned that they were coming. I just couldn't seem to cope with it very well. I wasn't used to living with young women while in WS, because most of the time there weren't any SGA women in the pubs unit I lived in for years. So the arrival of young women from the field to Mama's Home was my first experience with living with gorgeous, talented, Spirit–filled, sweet, wonderful women who were over 21! (I could have been jealous of older women, for different reasons, but the SGA women were the newcomers and it was a different situation than I was used to.)

11. I loved Rebecca, Yvonna, and Jenna and wanted to be close to them. One part of me was excited about their arrival, as it meant change. I like change and enjoy it when new people come to live in our Home; it adds a lot of spice to our lives. But another part of me was resisting the change with everything that was within me!

12. Thank the Lord, He helped me not to manifest my extreme jealousy in front of the girls. I wanted with all my heart to be a good testimony, but in my mind and in the privacy of my own room I was anything but a good testimony. I wasn't yelling or slamming doors, but I was totally destabilized. My world was turned upside-down and I felt like I'd lost my bearings completely. I could hardly stand to look at them without jealous thoughts racing uncontrollably through my mind. I was suspicious and constantly a nervous wreck. This went on for a few months. It was miserable, to say the least.

Afraid of What I Stood to Lose

13. When this unyieldedness came into my life as a result of my jealousy, I was scared. I knew from working closely with Mama that the Lord was moving very decidedly in the direction of the two generations working closely together, becoming one. I could see the changes and commitments that Mama was making, beginning about the time of the Summit‚ and I knew that the uniting of the two generations was inevitable. I knew where He was headed, and felt that I could either jump on board or eventually the revolution would go on without me.

14. That might sound rather extreme or exaggerated, but I knew, from the messages the Lord was giving Mama and the direction she and Peter were going‚ that the uniting of the two generations was an essential part of the future of the Family; it was crucial to our very existence and survival. I knew that to resist that move of the Spirit would be no small thing. And while what it would cost me might not be apparent im­mediately, I felt deep in my heart that such resistance would have a huge bearing on my future usefulness to the Lord. I couldn't ever remember being so unyielded to a truth or direction that had been revealed by Dad or Mama.

15. I have the very great and undeserved privilege of helping Mama in her work on the GNs. There's nothing I would rather do, and I want to hold on to that high calling no matter what the cost. I value my place of service more than anything else, but I know that I'm not in Mama's Home because of any great gifts or talents I have. I'm not an exceptionally smart person. I'm a mediocre secretary (emphasis on mediocre). I'm not a big leader with tons of experience in key matters. I'm pretty much your average Family member. Although no one is indispensable in the Lord's work, as He can raise up someone else to fill a need, realizing these things about myself and my shortcomings helped to keep me in the fear of the Lord and remind me that if I didn't get past this blatant unyielded­ness, it could cost me my place of service, affect my channel of prophecy, and weaken or even ruin my marriage.

16. But even though I realized all that, it still didn't make it any easier! In my heart and mind I knew what the Lord was doing in uniting the two generations, and because I had the privilege of reading many prophecies on the subject and discussing it at length with Mama, I even understood why. I didn't doubt the necessity for the uniting of the two generations; it was obvious. But I just didn't like it; in fact‚ I hated the idea. I just couldn't seem to accept it personally.

17. The Lord and Mama were very patient. They must have realized that deep in my heart I wanted to accept it, so they both gave me time, as did Matthew. Mama was always very kind and sympathetic.

18. Even though I wasn't happy with the way things were going—I was unyielded and at times even rebellious—I didn't want to hold on to those wrong attitudes. I felt like the Enemy had gripped my heart, and even though I wanted to be free‚ I felt so weak, almost helpless. It was a frightening experience, because as I said, I had never before blatantly resisted, resented‚ and nearly rejected a revelation from the Lord given through Dad or Mama. I knew I was swimming in dangerous waters. Part of me was so desperate and broken, but part of me continued to fight against the Lord.

19. Even though I was in really bad shape spiritually‚ I'm very thankful that I had enough fear of the Lord that I recognized how off-beam I was, and I was trying to yield. I knew I couldn't continue like that. I knew I stood to lose a lot—my ministry, my marriage, my happiness. And somehow, by God's grace, amidst the mind battles where I felt like the Enemy was practically overpowering me, I managed to cry out to the Lord for His strength—over and over again!

20. You might think I had a uniquely special motivation to fight because I live in Mama's Home. You might think your personal situation is different in that regard, that it won't make much difference in your life if you resist, rebel, or reject the Word. But I firmly believe that each of us in the Family stands to lose plenty if we continue on in unyieldedness, because we lose the blessing of the Lord. That loss of blessing could be manifested in a million different ways, from lost finances, to accidents, to disunity in the Home, to loss of personal happiness and peace of mind and heart, to even backsliding.

21. Plus, the Lord is encouraging each of us to use our gift of prophecy, and any serious unyieldedness, especially if held on to over a period of time, is bound to affect our being able to hear clearly and fully from the Lord. We all stand to lose so much that it behooves us to do anything possible to not have unyieldedness in our lives, especially not to the degree where we're rejecting the New Wine or the direction the Lord is leading, as I was.

Matthew's Patient,

Loving Attitude and Actions

22. A key element to my surviving those first miserable three months was Matthew's very patient attitude. We both knew where the Lord was headed. We both knew that if we wanted to stay in the flow of God's new wave of the Law of Love, we'd need to open our marriage to receive our younger mates. But ­Matthew was very wise and led of the Lord in that he didn't push it. He let me move at my own pace. That approach probably wouldn't have worked if I'd had no desire whatsoever to pro­gress. If I had made a decision to resist to the end and not to yield at all, then for him to just sit back and be patient and wait wouldn't have worked. Someone has to be making the first move. In this case‚ by a miracle of the Lord, it was me, and I was very thankful for that.

23. If Matthew had been forceful, condemning, impatient‚ appearing anxious and excited about having intimate contact with the young women in our Home, it would have been much worse. If I had felt pushed, or if things had moved too fast for me, or if he would have been selfish in his interaction with others, I'm sure I would have had a much more difficult time.

24. So that was the first big key to our progress: Matthew had the faith and patience to let our steps to open our lives and marriage be my idea. Well, it was the Lord's and Dad's idea, but Matthew let me be the one to say, "Yes, now is the time; let's do it this way, or let's pray about your being with this or that woman."

Going on the Attack to Give

25. Another crucial turning point was when I realized that I was having as many jealousy battles when Matthew was not doing anything as I probably would have if he were to draw closer to the young women and even have dates with them. In other words‚ my jealousy battles were so bad and he wasn't even doing anything! Needless to say, this dumbfounded him and was frustrating for him, as he felt falsely accused. My suspicion‚ which was completely unfounded, was driving him nuts—and he's a very patient man!

26. So I finally realized that it couldn't get any worse. I was battling so much already that I figured, "If I'm going to be this miserable, I might as well be getting something out of it—some kind of unity or oneness or blessing for obeying." To be battling so much when Matthew wasn't even doing anything was ridiculous.

27. When I say he wasn't doing anything, I'm talking about regarding the young women. He did have dates with the FGA women, and that wasn't too bad. And he was friendly to the young women and slightly affectionate. He was kind to them and even had contact with some due to his work, but he didn't go on walks with them or have dates. He wasn't overly attentive to them and didn't give them unusual, sexy, flirtatious affection. When we'd have dances, I was miserable; even though he'd try to be as low-key as possible, I could hardly stand any hugging, touching‚ affection or even physical contact between him and the younger women.

28. I figured if I was going through it that bad, then I might as well just jump into it, as it couldn't get much worse! So finally one night‚ about three months after the first young women arrived in our Home‚ I decided to take the great big step and ask the Lord whether Matthew should start sharing with the young women. To ask the Lord that question was a sign of great yieldedness on my part! It was a real miracle of yieldedness, because I knew in my heart what the answer would be. So for me to be willing to ask the Lord was as good as saying yes. There was definite acceptance—finally!

29. Matthew was so happy for me and ­really supported me in this step and encouraged me for being so brave, which was another right move on his part. He didn't have the attitude of, "Oh, finally! It's about time!" Instead, he said‚ "Good for you! I'm so proud of you. You're such a fighter." (Needless to say, that made me feel so good. I was glad he appreciated that it was a giant step for me.)

30. I still remember to this day how I went to a small office room alone to pray and hear from the Lord. Even though it was a milestone step, I had the faith for it and was at peace. I felt good about making progress and I was thankful for the patience of Matthew, Mama, and the Lord, that they were willing to let me progress at my own pace. Here are excerpts of my prayer and the message from Dad that I received that night:

My Milestone Prayer!

31. (Prays:) Thank You, precious Jesus, wonderful Husband, for being so available. Thank You that we can come to You with our questions and You answer us so completely and specifically, and You usually give us even more counsel, advice, encouragement and direction than we ask for. You know our needs even better than we do. You know what's on my heart and You know that for a long time now I've been wanting to come before You and ask You several questions concerning the relationship that You want us to have with the young women. Thank You, Jesus, for giving me the faith and the grace to even ask You.

32. I know I have a long ways to go, Jesus, but just the fact that I can come before You and ask You these questions is a very big step forward. It's so encouraging to me, and I give You all the glory. I know it's just You, and I appreciate so much Your grace and strength and love. Thank You for how sweet Matthew has been. He's been tremendously considerate and loving and caring and wise. Thank You that You've given him wisdom in how to handle this situation. I know how much he's probably been praying and really looking to You in order to be loving and to handle this well and not to make mistakes or cause me any unnecessary battles. I thank You for that, Jesus.

33. I know Matthew's prayerful‚ loving attitudes and actions have a lot to do with why I'm able to grow in this area and have the victory that I have. I'm sure there are men in the Family who are not as considerate, and that undoubtedly makes it much more difficult for their wives or girlfriends, just as it would be more difficult for the husbands or boyfriends if the tables were reversed and the women were the ones being unloving. Nevertheless, I know You've promised victory no matter what the circum­stances, but I'm very thankful that Matthew makes it as easy as possible for me. I know I haven't arrived. I still have battles and temptations, but Jesus‚ from just a couple of months ago the progress is very remarkable. It's very encouraging, and I know it's a work of Your Spirit and Your Word. I give You the glory and I thank You, Jesus!

34. Now, Jesus, I want to ask You: What kind of relationship should we have with the young women? How intimate, how close? Specifically, whether Matthew should, now or in the future‚ be spending time with them, having dates? Lord, I've been wanting to pray about this but kind of putting it off.

35. I don't want to be selfish and possess­ive and have any preconceived ideas or mindset that's not of You. Matthew is very loving and concerned for my feelings, and I know, Lord, that he will not make the first move. He's almost opposed to the idea. He doesn't want to get in­volved with the young women and he said it's not necessary; it'll only cause me battles. He doesn't even let it enter his mind because he doesn't want to hurt me.

36. But, Lord, I think a lot of this is because he doesn't want to take the first step and he wants any initiative to be my idea. And I can understand that‚ Jesus; it does make it easier for me. I know he wants to do what You want him to do, and we both just want Your will. We want to look at the young women in the right way and to be open. We want our lives to be open, we want to be available, we want to be what You want us to be.

37. These women are part of our Home, they're part of our lives. They have needs, they're lonely, and they're going through a lot. They've given up a lot. They need a lot of things—love, encourage­ment, sex, fellowship‚ companionship. They need to feel like they belong. Jesus, I don't know what all they need, and I don't know what role we're supposed to play. But I don't want my selfishness or jealousy or possessiveness to stand in the way of whatever You have.

38. I'm willing to do whatever You want, Jesus. If we're not supposed to be involved‚ if You want us to just be friendly and go about our work, well, then that's fine. But if You do want more involvement, if You want us to open our lives and our hearts and our love more‚ then please show us.

39. Please speak clearly and specifically and show us what kind of relationship we should have with the girls, or what kind of attitude. I want to hear Your Words and I want to have Your mind. I want Your ways to be my ways. I don't want to be out of Your will or selfish‚ possessive, jealous, or unyielded in any way. So I'm willing to do whatever You want, Jesus. We just need to know what it is.

40. We're nothing without You, Jesus. We don't even know how to interact with these new Home members without You. So please help me to be a good, clear channel. Please rid me of any of my own thoughts or ideas. I don't want anything except Your Words now. Please, Jesus, wipe my mind and my heart clean of any thoughts or preconceived ideas. I only want what You want. I'm clay in Your hands, Jesus. I just want to be a yielded vessel to do whatever You want to do.

41. I know that's what Matthew wants, and he's certainly proven it by not pushing his program or being demanding in any way, but going to the opposite extreme of being nothing but very kind, considerate, and loving. Thank You for that. We love You! We need You, sweet Jesus, wonderful Lover and Husband.

Message from Dad

—You Never Lose by Giving!

42. (Dad speaking:) Oh, Honey, I'm so proud of you! That's my gal! I knew you'd come around! I knew you'd fight to the victory, and I'm so proud of you! You've said, "I will not give to the Lord that which has cost me nothing." He's seen your tears and heard your prayer, and He's proud of you too! That's what we need‚ Honey—fighters!—Those who are willing to fight, to live the truth, to live love‚ to follow the Lord, to say yes and keep yielding and giving, even when it hurts. And I know it does hurt! But even if it's a sacrifice and it pains you tempor­arily, the rewards from the Lord are so much greater.

43. So, Honey, don't be afraid to give, to love, to share, to open your heart and your arms and your bed to another, because you never lose by giving. I know that's a familiar phrase and you've heard it many, many times, but it's so true—you never lose by giving! As you give of your love and your comfort and your man to another, the Lord will pour unto you blessings upon blessings upon blessings! Of course it hurts momentarily—in fact, it may hurt a lot. But just because something hurts doesn't mean that it's not the Lord's will, that it's not good for you, or that it's not going to bear a lot of good fruit.

44. Honey, the Lord has blessed you with the desires of your heart. Just think about it for a moment. Hasn't He given you everything that you ever wanted? You're so rich with satisfaction and fulfillment and challenge and love. The Lord has poured it on you. He's richly blessed you because of your faithfulness, and because you've put Him first. And if you continue to put Him first‚ He'll continue to bless you in ways that you never dreamed possible. He'll even bring to pass those secret desires of your heart if you please Him and put Him first.

45. Sometimes putting Him first means giving back to Him that which is dearest to you. Just like you gave your son back to Him years ago and you said to the Lord, "I will not give unto You that which has cost me nothing. Here‚ take that which is most precious to me. I put it on the altar. I give it up so that I might follow You." Well, once again, Honey, the Lord is asking you to give that which is most precious to you, to put it on the altar, to give it up to Him to use as He sees fit, so you can go on and follow Him. This is a new day, a day of love and giving and sharing, a day of becoming one in heart and mind and body, a day of expanding the ­borders of your tents, of opening your arms, of broadening your relationships.

46. I'm sorry, Honey. I know this is going to cost you and it's not going to be easy. But like they say, that's the price for playing in the big top. That's part of the responsibility of all of you who live with Mama; you're responsible to follow, to pioneer, to experiment, to learn, and then you're responsible to share your lessons, to make it easier for the rest of the Family. That's one of your most important roles. You're the guinea pigs, you might say. That's part of your responsibility, part of your calling‚ one of the ways that you serve the Family‚ by being up-front and helping to pave the way for them to follow.

47. Concerning sharing Matthew with these young ones, you'll just have to be prepared to follow the Lord step by step. There certainly is a need, as these beautiful young women are really struggling. They need comfort‚ re­assur­ance and encouragement; they need to feel that they belong, that they're wanted‚ that they have a place. They need to feel special. Right now they're going through a lot of changes, battles, adjustments. They've begun a whole new life in WS with a new ministry, new Home, and new brothers and sisters that they live and work with. The Enemy would want to discourage them or cause them to give up‚ feeling like they don't have what it takes to live in WS. So they need a lot of love‚ warmth, affection, and tenderness. They need to be brought in close, to feel a part, to feel needed, wanted, and ­desired.

48. They need a mother's love, a father's love, a lover's love, a brother's love. They need the love of a family. They miss their parents and friends. They miss those that they were close to, that they had strong bonds with, those that they experienced a lot with and that they had a lot in common with. They're in it for the long haul, these young ones, but you know the Devil's really going to fight them, especially in the beginning, to try to get them to give up. He'll bring out his big guns to try to discourage them and make them think that they can't do it‚ that they could never make it in WS, that living behind the scenes just isn't for them.

49. So especially in the beginning they need a lot of understanding, companionship and sup­port from those around them. That's why I'm so proud of you, Honey, for seeing and feeling the need and for being willing to do something about it—to reach out‚ to give, to sacrifice. That's what the Family is built on—sacrificial love—and you've seen it time and time and time again throughout the Letters, how Mama and I both sacrificed for others. We gave to others even until it hurt, but in the end the Lord always gave us back more than we'd given. He always repaid us many times over—so that we can say we never made a sacrifice for the Lord because He always blessed us and rewarded us and caused it to bring forth such good fruit.

50. You don't really know what the Lord has in store or how He'll move in the hearts of these young ones. But be open, be generous, be giving, make yourselves available, offer them your love, your companionship, your lover, your bed‚ and let them take it from there. It will have to be their choice‚ their desire; they'll have to have the burden and feel the need. But if they do‚ Honey, don't be afraid to respond and to fill that need‚ because your dear husband is firmly attached and he's not going to swim away or break the line. If you could see things the way I see them, you wouldn't be nearly so fearful or worried. If you could see how much he loves you, how devoted he is, how satisfied he is, how thankful he is for you and the relationship the Lord has given you, then you wouldn't worry. You'd realize that you have nothing to fear.

51. Of course, I know he tells you this and he tries to reassure you, and I know you want to believe him and you try to believe him. But the Enemy's always trying to sow doubt, trying to make you skeptical and unbelieving, trying to put a negative spin on things, because he wants to destroy love and stop sharing and defeat the Lord's plan.

52. Honey, take my word for it, your dear love is stuck on you like super glue! You have nothing to worry about. You couldn't get rid of him if you tried! He's loved you all these years, and he'll continue loving you. The Lord has sealed this love in his heart and nothing's going to change it.

53. But it's up to you to protect and nurture and feed this love—not by being possess­ive and selfish and trying to keep it all to yourself, but by being giving and generous and attuned to the needs of others. You are so rich in love and affection and companionship, and there are others who are in such great need. So give, Honey! Give freely, as I gave, and as Mama gives, and the Lord will reward your giving and it will bring forth good fruit.

54. As soon as you start giving you'll see right away that it's not as bad as you thought; it's not as difficult as you thought. It's the Devil who tries to scare you away from giving and sharing, and he's the one who tries to make it look like it's the hardest thing you could ever hope to do. He tries to make it look like torture‚ like punishment, like something horrible that you have to endure even if it kills you!

55. But I'll tell you that God's grace is sufficient. He can make even what seems to be a very difficult situation fairly easy‚ if you're yielded to Him, because yieldedness breaks the power of the Enemy. He has no more control over your mind and thoughts and emotions once you yield to the Lord. Because as soon as you yield to the Lord, then He can give you grace and strength and His supernatural power! And then you can do miracles—miracles of love, miracles of giving, miracles of sacrifice.

56. Honey, I don't know exactly how things will unfold, because there are a lot of factors involved. There are a lot of people, and their choices and decisions make a difference in how things unfold. But you've taken the right first step in seeking the Lord and yielding to Him and being willing. You've taken the right first step by praying to have His attitude and His mind, and now you just need to make yourself and your love available. Open your hearts, open your lives, and be ready and willing to give when it is asked of you. And it will be asked of you; it's only a matter of time.

57. You're on the road to victory, because you're on the road of yieldedness. You've chosen the path of submission and this will be rewarded, and because of this choice it will be much, much easier for you than had you tried to fight it or resist it or delay it.

58. Ah, these girls! They're so precious to me and so important to the Lord. They're each so different, so special‚ so talented and gifted and perfect for the job the Lord has chosen for each one. Be sensitive to their needs, be open to their signals‚ and be ready to meet their needs, whatever they are—whether they're needs for friendship, for a mother's love, for a father's love, for a shepherd's guiding hand, for a lover's comfort, for a "Loving Jesus" experience, for friendship, for companionship, for closeness.

59. Watch for their needs and make yourself available; that's all the Lord asks of you. If you're willing and available and yielded‚ the Lord will lead you step by step. As you counsel with others‚ the Lord will make His will clear, and when He does and as He does‚ you'll have faith. There will probably be more battles and difficult times, but if you keep fighting, the Lord will give you the grace and the strength and the victory again and again and again.

60. And you know‚ it does get easier! The more you give, the more you surrender, the more you trust the Lord, the easier it gets. So don't worry, He's not going to suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able. He's not going to cause anything to be too difficult for you. He's not going to ask too much of you.

61. As you give and sacrifice, right away you'll be encouraged by the good fruit and the immediate rewards. You'll see that you're not going to lose Matthew's love permanently; you only lose a little of his time or affection or attention. You won't lose his heart or your place. In fact, when you see how much you gain, you'll realize that you won't lose anything at all, but you'll just be richer, happier, closer, and more in love than ever before. That's what happened with Mama and me, and that's what's happening with Mama and Peter. It's one of those hard-to-explain, hard-to–understand laws of the spirit world, that the more you give, the more you receive.

62. As you give that which is dearest to you, even though you think you will lose and it will cost you greatly, in the end you only gain much, much more than you ever gave in the first place. You give your little meager sacrifice to the Lord, and He takes it and uses it and causes it to bring forth fruit and to accomplish His will. Then in return He gives you much‚ much more than your original sacrifice. Giving to the Lord by loving another is a great and wise investment, for you reap great returns.

63. You never lose by giving! If you re­alized how true it was, you'd look for every oppor­tunity to give, and gladly embrace every opportunity to share, knowing that in giving to another you turn the key and open the door and make a way for the Lord to give to you.

64. God bless you, Honey. I love you! You're a real fighter and I'm proud of you. I know it's cost you, but you're on the right track. I know you've always been one who, when you've read the Word, you want to do it and live it and ex­peri­ence it right away! You've not held back or contemplated whether it was for you or not, but you always jumped in with both feet and did the best you could. So don't stop now, but keep going for the New Wine, drinking it in and living it to the best of your ability, and the Lord will bless you.

65. Just remember and keep telling yourself: You never lose by giving, you never lose by giving. It's so true‚ you never lose by giving. God bless you‚ Honey! I love you! XXXXXXX! (End of message from Dad.)

66. After I received this very encouraging message from Dad, Matthew started having more interaction with the young women, and some fairly regular dates. This went pretty well, although that was by no means the end of my jealousy battles.

67. (From Matthew: Misty has a real fear of the Lord that keeps her in check and moving forward. I was truly amazed that she would continually initiate my dates with the SGA women when I knew it was so difficult for her. I didn't even want to do it because I didn't want to have to deal with all the repercussions that I knew would follow. But she insisted that we go forward. I don't know if we would have moved for­ward with the merging of the generations as fast as we did if it weren't for the fact that she was having to fight so hard against jealousy, ha!)

A Giant Leap of Faith!

68. If you're a jealous person or have been jealous in the past (or have a relationship with a jealous person), you probably know that sometimes jealousy is brought on by one particular person more than others. In other words, you might be okay or do pretty well with some situations, but there might be one person in particular that drives you nuts with jealousy. That was the case with me.

69. I was progressing fairly well, but there was one of the young women in particular that I felt quite threatened by, and it was a source of on-going battles. Matthew and I had some conflicts over my jealousy of this person, because it was unfounded. It was ridiculous, as Matthew wasn't doing anything, and neither was the woman. There was no reason for me to be jealous, other than my mind battles and suspicion and extreme possessiveness and selfishness. Nonetheless, the battles were very real to me.

70. Finally, I had to again come to the realization that I wasn't going to get over this jealousy of this person by being constantly on the defensive. I needed to go on the attack to give, to love, to share. Now that's not to say that this is the approach that everyone should take. I think you have to really have the faith for it, because if not, then chances are if you encourage your mate to begin a more intimate relationship with a person you really feel threatened by, if you're not prepared for the consequences and don't have the faith for it‚ it could make matters much worse. I realized this, and considered the various possibilities, but I finally concluded that I couldn't keep living in that bondage‚ that fear of the future, that oppression of the Enemy.

71. I asked someone else to pray about whether I should encourage Matthew to share with this particular young woman. Again, this was a big step of faith. It was pretty scary. I didn't know if I had what it took. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I didn't want to continue living like I was, but I wasn't so keen on doing anything more, which meant sharing and trusting the Lord for the outcome.

72. The Lord was very sweet in this situation and He gave me a choice. He likened living the Law of Love to climbing a ladder. He said I could take little steps or big steps; it was my choice. Little steps would be encouraging ­Matthew to spend more time with this particular woman through walks, Word time‚ fellowship‚ etc. Big steps were, of course, for me to encourage him to have a date or dates with her.

73. The reason I'm bringing up this particular situation is to help some of you mates of jealous people to realize that sometimes your mate can do very well in some circumstances, but be really crazy with jealousy regarding one specific person. That can be quite confusing, I imagine. I know it looks un­reasonable and it must be quite baffling to you who are mated to such a person. But it's very difficult, and the battles, as weird as they seem, are very real.

74. The other reason I want to share what the Lord said in response to this question is because I think it's important to realize that it's not always necessary to share your loved one with that one person that you're terribly jealous of. If you're doing the best you can and sharing as much as you have the faith for, then you don't have to feel condemned and torture yourself just because you don't have the faith, courage or grace to have your mate share with someone who really sets off your jealousy. You'll see in this next prophecy that the Lord doesn't put the doorknob too high. He doesn't require something of us if it's just too much; He lets us progress at our own pace.

75. Now again‚ if you're so extremely jealous that you can't share your mate at all, with anyone, then that's a different story. But if you're sharing, but you just can't quite make it with a particular person that is just too much for you, then don't worry about it.

76. (Jesus speaking:) My dear‚ sweet Misty, I ask you, what would help you to get the victory over sharing Matthew with someone that you're fearful of, someone you feel threatened by, someone who the very sight of can cause you to be gripped with fear and suspicion? What would help you most?

77. I know you love Me and you desire to do My will and be pleasing and do the right thing. You want to be able to give and share, and you don't hold back. You may feel that your other giving loses the shine of its victory because of this one Huddersfield where you fear you can't share Matthew. You're deeply concerned and you want the victory, and you ask, "How can I get it? Do I share him? Would that help? Or will it make matters worse?" This is a matter for you to pray about and decide.

78. But I ask you, would it be easier for you to go up the ladder one step at time, to share your lover a step at a time—perhaps on a walk, perhaps have talk time, to let go of him a little? Or would it help you for them to right away be in the bed of love together? Sometimes it helps to take baby steps, one little step at a time; sometimes it helps to take big giant steps, big leaps of faith. Which would it be for you? I know this is not an easy task, to share your lover, and I'm not asking or requiring that you do; the choice is yours.

79. If you want to get the victory over jealousy and comparison, then it's best to face the storm and ride into it, one wave at a time. I don't want to see you tormented. Fear hath torment, so it would be good to face your fears. But I'm not asking or requiring that you share Matthew sexually with this woman, unless this is what you want to do. One step at a time would be helpful. A little sharing here and a little sharing there, cheerful giving here and cheerful giving there.

80. If you choose to give to this one‚ I will help you each step of the way. If you don't feel it's the time now, that you're not ready for it, you're not strong enough‚ that's fine, I'm not asking you to. But if you do want to take steps to get the victory, to face the storm, to go up the ladder, I will help you.

81. This is the lesson on love and giving. Small beginnings, greater ends. Day by day, stone by stone‚ step by step‚ love grows and love always wins. (End of message from Jesus.)

82. The Lord was so sweet to give me these choices. He didn't have expectations that were out of my reach and He was very understanding and obviously wanted me to operate according to my faith. This is how both the Lord and Matthew have treated me consistently‚ and I believe it's because they both knew I was trying the best I could; I was praying desperately and sincerely wanted to make progress.

83. After prayerfully and seriously considering the options and counting the cost, I felt led to suggest that Matthew have a date with this particular young woman. It was a huge step of faith for me. I was very nervous about it and needed a lot of support in prayer. Matthew was very sweet in not making too big of a deal about it as far as his own personal excitement about the date. He tried to be as matter of fact as poss­ible‚ really playing it down and treating it like any other date from his perspective, which was really smart! Ha! But at the same time he repeatedly acknowledged what a big step it was for me, which was even smarter! Ha!

84. Usually during Matthew's other dates I would either have a date myself, if someone was available, or I'd work. (There's always plenty of work to do!) However, during his first date with this particular woman I occupied myself with some friends in lively conversation and watched a gripping movie that kept my mind off of those "videos" that you have a tendency to see in your mind when your mate is having a date with someone else. (You know, those graphic pictures of their lovemaking. Those are very UNrecommended movies!)

85. When I saw Matthew again, after his date was over, I was very nervous that I'd have a bad reaction, bomb out, and hit the skids. But he was very careful to not be later than the time that we had decided together when the date would end. He didn't return to our bed smelling of the other woman's perfume nor "raving" about the time he'd spent with her. He was very low-key‚ affectionate, and took time to talk with me and love me, even though I'm sure he was probably tired. But he was so very reassuring that it immediately took away my apprehension and we both rejoiced in the victory and felt very happy that we were progressing in living the Law of Love.

86. So this was a very good experience and the Lord gave me a huge amount of grace. Glory to the Lord! I was amazed, as this was something that I never would have dreamed possible several months before. To me it was like a great big miracle‚ and I felt I'd overcome a giant barrier.

87. After this they had regular dates every week, or every two weeks, for over a year. The dates were still difficult, but they got easier, and some of them were actually easy. So it continued to be quite a miracle!

88. I want to make it clear that I went into this particular situation with my eyes open, knowing that when people share, it's a distinct possibility that their relationship will change. That has happened to me, and I imagine it's happened to lots of other people. When you have sex with someone and share that intimacy, and especially when you love the Lord together, of course, you can only expect that you'll be closer. That's inevitable. And the possibility always exists that an exceptionally close relation­ship may develop. That's why you have to be sure you have the faith for it and hear from the Lord about it specifically, because you don't want to make matters worse if you or your mate are jealous.

89. In my situation, I knew that I wouldn't be free from this grip of the Enemy unless I went on the attack against my fears. That was how I felt led. You might feel led differently, and you who are mated to someone who battles jealousy need to realize that your mate might have to approach things differently than I did. You have to go according to your own faith‚ and it doesn't work to push your mate!

90. I again want to commend dear Matthew for being very patient, kind, and nonjudg­mental. He didn't push his program or even make his desires very obvious. Of course, knowing him as well as I do, I was pretty sure that he would enjoy being with this woman, but he didn't insist or do anything behind my back to engineer more contact with her. He waited until it was the Lord's time, and even then‚ he was very prayerful and kept his emotions and interactions and reactions very much in check—not only with this woman, but with all of the young women he shared with. I knew he was trying the absolute best he could to make it easy for me. Also, while he and this woman became closer friends and they mutually enjoyed their dates, there was no explosion of emotion and no exceptionally close relationship developed.

To Finish My Testimony

—Three Years of Prophecies!

91. Though we were progressing and sharing regularly, I found I had to come to the Lord repeatedly for more counsel—usually when I'd get out of it and say really ugly, accusing things, which were very discouraging for Matthew, as they were exaggerated‚ unfair, and he felt there was nothing he could do when I was distressed to help me to feel better. He would repeatedly offer to stop having dates with the young women. (By this time there were four or five SGA women in our Home, and he had dates with all of them, some more regularly, others every once in a while.) He offered to only have dates with FGA women. He was trying to be very accom­mo­dating, but even though it sounded inviting, in my heart I didn't want him to stop. I knew that would be conceding defeat, giving up to the Enemy, losing ground, and I felt that was worse than the battles. So we kept on trying, in spite of the ups and downs and the recurring battles.

92. Since that time we've continued sharing regularly. We've not slacked up in this, but have tried to keep giving as much as our time, strength and faith allowed. Of course‚ we're both very busy with our work for the Lord, as is every­one else in our Home‚ so sexual sharing doesn't take priority, but we try to have dates with our wonderful mates as regularly as poss­ible.

93. For the rest of this testimony, I will include some of the major prophecies I received from the Lord over the last three years. When praying about how to present this testimony‚ the Lord said I could just use the prophecies and even many of the prayers, as those tell the story and it would be much simpler and faster to write that way. Isn't that sweet of Him? That really does make it easier.

94. I'm sorry this is such a long testimony. There's a lot that is probably just "human interest"—you know, those intimate details that make a story interesting because you feel like you're hearing the inside story. We all like those nitty-gritty details, especially if they help us to feel like we're not the only one. But also, I hope these prayers and prophecies will help you see how specific you can be with the Lord and how specifically He answers. Also, I pray you'll see the mercy of the Lord and Mama, in that I was a real mess many times, but they didn't give up on me.

95. Most of the following prophecies were received during some "crisis." I think for many people who battle jealousy, it sort of comes in waves. You'll do okay for a while, but then you'll bomb out. That's what happens to me.

96. I'm extremely thankful that the Lord has helped me grow in the area of giving and sharing‚ and I don't have nearly the battles I used to have. I'm extremely thankful for the wonderful deliverance He's given me. I know it's a miracle and it's only the Lord. All I could do at times was barely hold on and refuse to quit‚ even when I felt like all hell was breaking loose in my heart and mind. I know it was only the Lord that gave me the determination to keep fighting and the faith that I could make it, and I know that came as a result of His personal Words of instruction and encouragement. I'm sure I couldn't have made it without the wonder­ful Words of prophecy which helped me understand what was happening in the spirit world and what mistakes I'd made, and helped me to see how I could improve.

97. I was concerned that you'd read this testimony and get the impression that these last few years have been horrible, with one battle after another, nonstop. That has not been the case. In the beginning it was pretty rough, and I probably had more bad days than good days. But with time things have gotten a lot better, and now I hardly ever have any bad days. I still battle once in a while, but it's nothing compared to how it was. The intensity of the battles and the depth of discouragement are not nearly what they were. I'm very thankful for that!

98. But, as is natural, I usually got the most interesting counsel from the Lord when I was feeling pretty devastated. Some of the most helpful messages were given when I was at the bottom, feeling quite hopeless, or when I had made some pretty big mistakes and yielded to the Enemy and manifested my jealousy with sus­picion, cutting remarks, or the ol' "silent treatment" where I showed my displeasure not by what I said, but by not saying anything, by ignoring Matthew.

99. Matthew and I don't argue much, thank the Lord. In fact, we've only had three or four short arguments in the four years we've been mated. We are very unified and have a close relationship; nonetheless, my jealousy battles put a lot of strain on us. When I'd be accusatory, cold, and obviously upset about something, even though we didn't have a harsh exchange of words, there was a lot of tension. It was miserable, and you know the old saying, "Misery loves company‚" and I'd try, albeit subconsciously, to make Matthew as miserable as me. That's pretty awful, but that's how it was. Pitiful!

100. Sometimes when I'd get in a down mood or was being attacked with severe jealousy, I'd go to the Lord, hear from Him in prophecy‚ and be able to pull out of it without it becoming an issue. At other times I'd talk with Gabe and Amy, which was helpful. Often Mama and I would talk, as that was when Mama was also winning her "golden victories," so we chatted a lot and prayed for each other a lot. Her sample of courage, trust and yieldedness was tremendous and very, very helpful, to say the least. (That last sentence is a major understatement!)

101. But sometimes the battles would last awhile—the whole day or even into the night or through the next day. Sometimes Matthew and I could talk about it and it would be fruitful; we could stay calm and resolve the situation through prayer and understanding. But other times—which were usually my fault, as I just re­fused to be comforted—we'd reach a point of frustration, and that's when I'd get more upset and Matthew would be at a loss as to what to do to smooth out the problems.

102. It was usually during these times of frustration and heightened sensitivity that we'd become very discouraged and feel very bad about the continued battles. It's times like those that caused us to seek the Lord desperately, and He gave wonderful‚ helpful counsel. Without that counsel we never would have made it through the tests—at least not as happily, and not without a lot more hurt feelings.

103. Anyway, that's why the remainder of this GN goes from one sad lament to the Lord to another. But I'd like to clarify again that these sad times were not that often, when you put it into proper perspective, as these lessons were learned over a period of three years. I was worried that you'd think it's a terrible situation, as it goes from one downer situation to another. I was concerned that it might discourage you by looking like there's been so little progress made and like it takes so long to get the victory. But when I asked the Lord about it‚ He said:

104. (Jesus speaking: ) It's natural that most of your prophecies will be about times when you were battling. You don't need to worry that things will look a little lopsided. People will appreciate the prophecies that have to do with battles, tests, or even the conflicts between Matthew and you, because that's what people are having trouble with—the battles‚ the jealousy, the misunderstandings. So of course that's what people want to read about—the problems—because they're looking for answers. (End of message from Jesus.)

105. If you find any answers in these mess­ages, I give all the glory to Jesus. I'll be the first to admit that it was the personal counsel from our loving Husband that gave me the grace and strength to keep fighting. I'm so happy that we can hear from Him regarding our specific situation and needs.

106. I know it's hard to get used to the idea of hearing from the Lord about personal matters, especially matters where you have emotions and opinions. And where do you usually have more emotions or opinions than in matters of the heart such as marriage and love relationships! We know that the ideal is to go into your time of hearing from the Lord in prophecy with no will of your own, being completely yielded in the matter you're asking the Lord to speak to you about. The problem is that it's hard to be completely yielded when you're having jealousy battles! If you're a jealous person, you can probably relate to that with a big, "Amen, sister!" Most of the time when you're battling you feel pretty unyielded. If you were completely yielded, you wouldn't be having the battle. Ha!

107. I don't believe I was always completely yielded when I would go to the Lord in my hour of need. But the key is that I was no longer fighting against the Lord. I had made a decision that I wanted to be yielded and I was willing to ask Him to help me to yield. I wanted to do what He wanted, and I wanted to hear what He had to say. Just my being willing to ask Him and hear His counsel was a measure of yieldedness, and He honored it. He gave me true prophecies in the very moment I cried out to Him, because He counted my being willing to ask and listen as yieldedness.

108. I know the Lord gave me true proph­ecies even when I wasn't completely 100% yielded. I didn't understand every aspect of what the future held; I was barely able to eke out a little tiny "yes‚" but the Lord still answered me and honored my faith, and then He gave me promises which caused my faith to increase and gave me the courage to take another step and another step. So there was a gradual increase of yielded­ness in my life.

109. At times I wasn't completely yielded when I'd begin my prayer session, but I had yielded enough to want to know His answers. I was yielded enough to ask and hear. And because of that, the Lord honored my desire and acceptance and gave me the truth. But He gave me as much as He knew I could bear. He didn't give me the same kind of messages in the beginning as He gave after many steps of progress. He knew what I could bear, what would help me the most‚ and He handled me very gently.

110. Mama and I were discussing this idea of the gradual progression of yieldedness and she asked me to ask the Lord about it. He gave the following message.

111. (Jesus speaking:) There is an initial yieldedness, and that's when you stop fighting against Me and My will. Then there is a gradual increase in yieldedness. That increase can come slowly or quickly, depending on your desperation, how much you come to Me to hear My Words and get My perspective, how much you fight your natural thoughts, and how much you put My words of instruction into practice.

112. But throughout this progression there are always battles. The Enemy doesn't give up. He fights especially hard in those moments, hours, days or however long it is before your initial yielding, because that's when he still has a chance to win, to make some serious inroad into your heart and life through outright un­yieldedness or rejection. He pulls out all the stops to try to prevent that initial yielding. But no matter how much he's screaming in your ear and trying to pull you away from the truth, he can't win as long as there is the slightest yes, the littlest whisper indicating that you're giving up your own way to receive My way instead.

113. As soon as you make the tiniest move toward My will and the laying down of your own thoughts and ways, then angelic spirits and powerful Heavenly helpers are able to rush to your aid to give you the strength you need to continue down the path of yieldedness. There is an immediate turn in the battle and then you have the advantage‚ then you have greatly out­gunned and overpowered the Enemy and you're destined to win, as long as you keep fighting.

114. Of course, the Enemy doesn't quit right then and there. He still attacks. He tries to influence your thoughts‚ bring negative emotions, cause bad reactions, and he especially tries to get you to feel discouraged. But if you keep fighting and advancing and tuning in to My instructions and words of encouragement, you will eventually win.

115. When you're completely rejecting My will, then the Enemy is allowed to block the transmissions that you could receive on your little radio from Me. Your rejection and un­yielded­ness enhance the Enemy's power to attack you. But in the moment when you say "yes," even if you're battle-weary, weak and wounded and you can barely utter the faintest cry of submission to Me‚ the Enemy's power is instantly pushed back and you are surrounded with a new force field of protection. That force field enables the radio frequency of the Commander in Chief to get through to you clearly and you can trust that what you hear are the correct instructions.

116. Then the more you strengthen your position of desiring to be in My perfect will, the fuller and more detailed instructions you can receive, and you will go on to victory. (End of message from Jesus)

117. Again, as you read the following prayers and prophecies, remember that these are isolated incidents covering a two- to three–year period. I don't want to give the wrong impression that I was continually miserably hopeless. Ha! Overall things have gone very well and we're super happy with the Law of Love. But one thing you can see from my experience is that you can't quit fighting and you can't necessarily expect immediate healings. But the Lord is able‚ and if we keep praying, yielding, and determine with all our hearts that we want to follow the Word, He will give us the grace, day by day, step by step. Praise the Lord!

How Have I Allowed the Enemy

To Come In?

118. Here's a message I received a year after Matthew started having dates with the young women. It's self-explanatory.

119. (Prayer:) Jesus, I love You, my precious Husband. You love me as no one else can. Thank You for Your infinite patience and love. I need You desperately!

120. I'd like to ask for Your personal, specific instruction and guidance. I haven't been doing very well these last few days, really struggling with jealousy and feeling sad and just generally bummed out. It's very discouraging, because I feel that not only am I not making progress, but I'm going backwards.

121. It makes Matthew feel bad, and it makes us lose our unity and just steals our joy in general. It's a real bummer. I feel very bad about it. I know that I'm the culprit and I'm the one who's done wrong by being jealous and selfish and possessive and suspicious and all those bad things.

122. Matthew is just trying to do what's right in giving love to others and helping ­others and shepherding them. He hasn't done anything wrong; in fact, he's been very loving and wise and kind and reassuring. He's done everything, I think, humanly possible to try to help me not to have trials, but I just seem to have bombed out right now and done very poorly and made him feel bad‚ guilty. It's just so horrible, such a horrible fruit of jealousy.

123. Here he's trying to do the loving thing in obeying You and giving Your love, and to feel guilty for giving love is just so horrible. I really need help, I really need Your counsel. I want You to tell me‚ Jesus, what I'm doing wrong. How do I get off the track so easily and get in this negative frame of mind and generally so out of the victory that it's just kind of like a cloud?

124. I told Mama today, it's like an oppression of the Enemy, and I just can't seem to buck it or get rid of it or get over it. You'd think that by now I'd be doing better, because these tests are smaller than the earlier ones, and yet I don't seem to be handling it very well.

125. So please, Jesus, I ask that You would speak to me now and give me some kind of counsel that's specific, and show me what my problem is. I know generally, but please show me why I go through these periods of being so out of it, and what I can do to improve, to do better‚ to be more of a fighter, to have less of these negative times and have them be less severe and less long-lasting. I thank You that they're not as bad as they've been in the past. They're not real overpowering, or that torture where your heart is beating and it's just traumatic and you feel like you're almost going insane!

126. Thank You that it's not that bad, Jesus, but still, it is difficult. It's a distraction, it makes me feel unhappy‚ it interrupts my sleep, it comes between Matthew and me, and it's just not good. So please help me, Jesus. Thank You for being my Lover, my Shepherd. Please forgive me for this bad attitude and for listening to the Enemy and for being so selfish. Please forgive me! Please help me now. Speak to me, Lord, whatever it is that I need to do, or Dad, if you would like to instruct me, I would really appreciate it.

127. I need help, and I want to make pro­gress. I want to know how the Enemy comes in‚ how I allow him to‚ and what I can do to get stronger in this area, to be a better fighter.

Jealousy Is the Enemy of Love!

128. (Dad speaking: ) If the Enemy can't stop you from sharing, then he tries to at least steal your joy in the experience. If he can't get you to quit altogether, to withhold your love or to withhold the love of your loved one, then he tries to hinder you or distract you or get you to slow down or not live the Law of Love and not give love so wholeheartedly or so fully.

129. If he knows that he can't get you to stop altogether, then he tries to get you to measure out your love in stingy little amounts, just getting by with the absolute minimum, instead of throwing open the doors and letting the love flow through freely.

130. The Devil is the enemy of love! He is the enemy of sharing, and jealousy is one of the prime weapons that he uses to stop the flow of the love of the Lord. So when you're tempted to feel jealous, or when you do feel jealous or possessive, or you're tempted to be selfish with your love or the love of your loved one‚ then just remember that it doesn't pay to try to blame the circum­stances or your loved one; the ­Enemy is to blame.

131. It's so easy to feel justified. It's so easy to try to explain away your jealous, possessive feelings, and to try to tell yourself that if he had treated you differently, or if he had handled things differently, or if the circumstances were different, then of course you'd be more giving and unselfish. But that's just a trick of the Enemy to blind you to the real culprit, to the one that's really causing the trouble. It's not your loved one or the circumstances, it's the Enemy! He's the lover of jealousy. Jealousy is his middle name, and if he can get you to be jealous and feel jealous, think jealous thoughts and speak jealous words, then he's won a great victory, because jealousy is the enemy, the opposite, the antithesis of love and sharing and giving.

132. So you're just going to have to get more on the attack, have more of a fighting spirit, and be more militant. Don't listen to him. Don't entertain his thoughts; don't voice them and whine and murmur and complain. Instead, count your blessings! Look at all that you have instead of what you're losing. Play the glad game and compare yourself positively to people who have less—less companionship, less security, less love and sex and fellowship, less friendship. There are a lot of people who don't have mates at all, and who are very, very lonely. And yet you have someone by your side who loves you dearly and cherishes you‚ someone who's devoted to you‚ and who basically only has eyes for you.

133. Of course, he wants to have outside friendships and he wants to broaden the borders of his tent to love others and to pour out and to feel needed and appreciated and desired by others; but don't be foolish, Honey, and try to hold him back. Because by holding him back, you just hurt his love for you; you squelch it and smother it. Instead of it burning brightly and wildly and freely, by having enough space to let the air reach it and fuel it and fan it, it will just be dwindling and smoking and cooling off.

134. That ought to give you the fear of the Lord‚ if you realize that jealousy will kill your love, because jealousy is the enemy of love. Love can't thrive and grow and blossom when the soil is polluted with the poison of jealousy. So just remind yourself of that. If you think when you're possessive that you're preserving your love or holding onto something that you want, in actuality what you're doing is killing the very thing that you love, and driving away the very one that you love.

135. A person can put up with jealousy for only so long, until finally they have to get away, they have to be free of it—from the tension and the strain and the condemnation and the guilt and all of these negative side effects of jealousy.

136. Extended jealousy, extreme jealousy‚ insane jealousy where the person puts forth no effort to change or to overcome the problem will eventually kill the love. There are a lot of factors that come into play—how strong the love is in the first place, how desperate the other mate is, how yielded and merciful the other mate is, how much the jealous person does or doesn't fight. But the point is, if a person is very jealous, to the point that it really squelches the freedom of their mate, and this goes on for an extended period of time—which varies from person to person, couple to couple—then eventually that jealousy will kill their love. That's what the Devil is trying to do. That's why jealousy is such a tool of the Enemy, one of his hottest weapons, because it has the potential to kill love.

137. The mates of the jealous ones suffer as well. They are the victims, because they suffer the condemnation of the Enemy and false ac­cusations, and they're constantly being watched by suspicious eyes, which squelches the freedom of the Spirit. If they're trying to do what the Lord wants them to do—be loving, kind, generous, sweet‚ affectionate‚ compli­ment­ary, tender, caring, sexy, passionate—and they're following the guidelines of the Law of Love and being loving and prayerful, but what they get in return is frustration‚ condemnation, and guilt, then it's a bad exchange.

138. So what you should do, instead of rewarding your loved one in a negative way‚ is realize that if you give your loved one a little breathing room and let him have contact with others, it will only make him appreciate you more. Even Dear Abby says that one of the secrets to a good marriage and keeping the fire hot is having little vacations, little times apart.

139. Haven't you seen that to be true in your life? You're united in the Lord, you have Him in first place, and you want to share with others according to His Word. So when you spend time with someone else in the bed of love, even if it's enjoyable and satisfying and fun and sweet, it still makes you more appreciative of the one you love the most. That's the Lord blessing you for keeping Him in first place in your lives and marriages, and being willing to share, even though you feel like the love you have for each other could be enough to make you happy.

140. So don't be afraid of the times that your mate spends away in conversation or fellow­ship or lovemaking with others. Because if you handle it right, if you're wise and in tune with the Lord, you can use those times even to your advantage. Instead of tearing down your relationship and bringing stress and strife and tension, it can bring more passion, more desire, more appreciation, and greater honesty into your relationship. The really wise women are the women who give their husbands some space, some free rein, and the freedom to go explore other pastures.

Be Especially on Guard

Before and After a Date!

141. Let me tell you, when your mate is going to have a date with someone else, either before the date or after the date is when you're the most vulnerable to the attacks of the ­Enemy. That's when you really have to be on guard, pray­ing desperately, and doing your best to stay positive and to resist the temptation of the ­Enemy to say negative things, insults, cutting remarks‚ suspicious jabs—even in jest. Usually when the date is actually going on, you're really in the fear of the Lord and you're praying desperately and you're praying for your loved one and his date. You stay more on guard because you're praying desperately and you know that that's the time when you can really get attacked with negative thoughts or visualizing their love­making.

142. But right before the date and right after the date is when it's easy to let your guard down and it's easy for the Enemy to come in. If you allow the Enemy to come in right before the date‚ it's really sad, because then your loved one goes off to his date, and instead of feeling inspired and encouraged and looking forward to it, and instead of being able to be single-minded and really give it his best shot and give all the love he can and be the best representative of Jesus he possibly can, he's distracted; he feels bad. He's worried about you, he feels guilty, and it really has a negative effect. It can even affect their lovemaking, their fellowship, their prayer time, their loving the Lord together, because he won't want to be free and really cut loose and enjoy himself, for fear that he might have to give a report, or for fear that it might hurt you.

143. So it's very common that he would hold back, which is such a shame‚ because people need so much love and encouragement. The Lord has so much to give, and it's so much better if people can go into their dates and their time of fellowship without any nagging worries in the back of their minds, or any feelings of condemnation or guilt.

144. So that's why you have to be really careful right before the date to stay positive and to show your appreciation and to reassure your loved one, over and over again, that you're going to be fine and that you're really happy about it, that you want him to have the date—and not only have the date, but enjoy it and really love the woman, really be Jesus for her, really be satisfied and satisfy her‚ and have a wonderful time.

145. Then when he comes home, that's when you also have to be very, very careful and try to stay on your guard. It's a natural reaction to be a little cool and a little hurt; everybody feels that way when the one they love has been in the arms of someone else, enjoying their fellowship and having sex and intimacy, loving the Lord. Naturally, you feel a little bit distant and a little cool; that's to be understood, and that in itself is not too dangerous or too bad. But the problem is when it goes a little further and it lasts too long and you let it go on and on, until the Enemy can really come in.

146. That's what happened to you, Honey. The Enemy just came in, and instead of resisting those feelings of distance and coolness, you yielded to them‚ and then they got worse and worse and worse‚ as you know. It escalated until you were completely out of the victory and couldn't even talk or pray together or show any enthusiasm whatsoever.

147. And the sad thing about that is that it really stole the joy and the victory and the feeling of fulfillment that Matthew had when he came back from having such a good, sweet connect with her, and such good fellowship in the Lord, and being able to pour out to her. He felt so needed and used. He was able to see how the Lord had worked in his life in the past, and it was so rewarding to be able to share those hard–learned lessons that come from the deep, dark experiences. He was able to really pour out, and it brought him such joy to be reminded of all the things that the Lord has brought him through and to be able to use that wisdom and those experiences to try to help someone else who has a desperate need.

148. He was so happy to have been able to shepherd her, to feel that good connect, to feel her appreciation, and to have a sweet love-up. So it was like a bucket of icy cold water when he had to contend with your negativity and your giving him the cold shoulder. So in the end‚ he forgot all about the good experience and the feelings of joy and fulfill­ment that the Lord wanted to give him and reward him with for his giving and his sharing of love and his being a good shepherd. And in its place, he received the guilt and condemnation of the Enemy.

149. The sad thing is, he didn't do anything wrong! He doesn't deserve that guilt or that con­demnation. He doesn't deserve to feel bad for giving love. It's just the Enemy. So even though you resisted the temptation to say cutting, hurtful remarks, your lack of enthusiasm and warmth and your being so distant had the same effect, because you demon­strated those negative reactions for a long period of time. So it really was a victory for the Enemy.

150. You want to know what prevents you from being thankful and positive and reassuring and giving affection and enjoying the experience together when your loved one comes back from the arms of another lover? It's that you're afraid. You're worried that if you show too much approval, and you don't remind him of the battles you're having and how difficult it is for you, and how much you're suffering and how much you're giving and how much it's costing you, that maybe he's going to get into the relationship more, or take it further, or feel the freedom to give more love or spend more time or get more involved. So your squelching the experience, and doling out these guilt feelings, and suffering in silence, having a sad sack attitude and just generally being bummed out, is a way that you subconsciously try to control the relationship from going any further or blossoming or getting any deeper.

151. I can understand that, Honey; it's very logical. I can see why you would fear that if you're too excited about it and you make it look like it's too easy for you‚ then he'll think‚ "Well, hey, you're fine with this," and then he'll open the door for more emotion and more passion and more desire, and before you know it, there's going to be a blazing hot, out-of-control love affair!

152. Well, Honey, regardless of what your fears are‚ you're just going to have to trust the Lord for how far things go or how they develop or don't develop, because that's in the Lord's hands. Your trying to control it or limit it by putting your loved one under bondage is just not going to work. Well‚ I take that back. You may have good success in preventing any close relationships or friendships, and you may not have to worry about your husband getting too deeply involved with others, because it's true, it does work; usually they just can't stand the hassle. It's not worth it after a while, so they just sort of pull back. But be warned that they don't do it happily. And something inside them kind of dies and cools off, and it really inhibits the love of the Lord and the freedom of the Spirit flowing freely through their lives and dominating their thoughts‚ motives‚ and actions. And it's a sad‚ sad story.

153. As I told you before‚ I've said it again and again in my earlier Letters and even more recently, jealousy doesn't preserve your love. It doesn't protect your relationship. It doesn't help you to hold on to your loved one. It has the exact opposite effect. It only kills and destroys and weakens. You may not see the effects of it immediately, but they're there, and with time, if you continue to entertain jealousy and possessive attitudes and selfishness, you'll see the negative effects. You'll see your loved one start to grow old and lose the sparkle in his eye. You'll see his self-confidence and self-esteem become shaky. You'll see his enthusiasm and zest for life cool off. And while you may have what seems to you to be a more secure relationship—maybe his eyes aren't roaming‚ and maybe his passion is controlled and he doesn't feel hot for anyone else—you'll see that he can't have those subdued, cool‚ controlled feelings toward others without it also affecting his feelings toward you.

The Enemy Will Do Everything He

Can to Stop the Uniting

Of the Generations

154. The only solution, Honey, is to make a commitment that you're going to give, and give cheerfully, no matter what the circumstances or outcome. Just realize that the Enemy is attacking you when you feel jealous and possess­ive and like you're being mistreated or you're not getting your fair share, or whatever it is that goes through your mind when you get down and discouraged and bummed out because your loved one is loving someone else.

155. And especially in your situation, working day after day with Mama on these publications, of course the Enemy is going to try to de­feat you personally, weaken your faith and your conviction, get you to be fearful, and dampen your enthusiasm. In fact, not just dampen your enthusiasm, but if he has his way‚ he'll get you to hate the uniting of the generations. He's the enemy of the uniting of the generations‚ and he'll do everything and anything he can to stop it. So of course he's going to try to defeat and discourage and sidetrack you.

156. Don't you see how far these pubs are going to go? How important they are? How far-reaching the effects will be? [This was during the preparation of the pubs for Birthday Feast 1998, including Mama's "Golden Victories" and "Over­coming the Generation Gap!"] It's monumental! It's phenomenal! It's a tremendous, powerful move of the Spirit, and the Lord is so excited about it! He's looking forward to the changes it's going to bring about in the Family. He's looking forward to the rebirth of the freedom of the Spirit and the wild, uninhibited love of the children of David. He's waiting with such eager anticipation to see the children of David love as they once loved in the past, and really give their lives in every way for their brethren, both young and old, single and married.

157. While there were some difficulties and problems with the early freedom of the Family, there was also a purity of love and unity. There was more sacrifice. There was more sex, more babies‚ more sacrificial giving. I'm not saying those times were perfect or that it was problem-free, but the love was simpler then and less partial. The Family had more freedom and unrestricted concern.

158. This is a very big deal‚ it's a revolution of revolutions, it's strong meat, and it's going to change the Family! In fact, it's going to change the world, because the testimony and the news of this will go out through all the Earth, and the love that's born in the heart of the Family as a result of this unity will be so powerful. And the Family will eventually be so much happier and stronger and more fruitful.

159. So don't be surprised at the Enemy's attacks. What he's trying to do is weaken you and get you to lay down your sword and lay down your shield so he can hit you with a deadly, mortal blow that'll put you completely out of action.

160. He hates the uniting of the generations. He hates the power of Mama's personal testimony. He hates the example that Peter and Rebecca are being on the field [during their trip to Japan and Thailand]. He hates the testimony of your Home. He hates the loving sharing that goes on in Mama's Home between the generations. He hates all of this, and he doesn't want this news and this truth and this testimony to get out to the Family. He'll do anything to stop it.

161. So you've just got to fight! Don't get discouraged about these setbacks. Don't get discouraged about the battles you've had in recent days‚ and for how you feel like the ­Enemy has walked all over you. Don't let him condemn you now‚ because, look, if you hadn't had these battles, you wouldn't have gotten these good lessons. So just take it to heart and try to do better next time.

162. I love you, Sweetheart, and I'm fighting for you. I'm helping you. I'm right by your side. Whenever you need me, just call. If you have any questions, if you have any battles, I'll be right there. I love you. XXXXXXX. (End of message from Dad.)

Encouragement to Keep Going!

163. Following are excerpts of a message that Matthew received when he was considering reducing or stopping his dates altogether due to my battles.

164. (Jesus speaking:) Well begun is half done, and once you've made a commitment to live a life of love, once you've determined that you want to give, then you must continue; don't turn back. My love never stops giving‚ never stops sacrificing. A life of love is a life of sacrifice, longsuffering‚ denying yourself, and preferring others. But with it comes true happiness, the true satisfaction of knowing you're living for a reason, and you're giving My love and your love to others and encouraging them in their difficult walk as My disciples, as My Bride, as My chosen children to reach this last and dying generation.

165. The Law of Love is very important, and it must be imparted to the younger generation. I know that it's a great cost to you, but it makes Me so proud of you when I see you giving at all costs. Even though it's difficult for all concerned and there are mistakes made and people are hurt, come to Me with your hurts and I will soothe them, I will patch them up, and I will help you on your way. But the overall fruit and victories are worth the falls, the bumps, the hurts along the way. For you'll come through battered, but victorious; broken, but satisfied and fulfilled; humbled and smashed, but having fulfilled My purpose in your lives, and for this you'll be eternally grateful.

166. These young ones who I've chosen to lead their peers into battle are very precious in My sight, and I'm well pleased with your efforts to help them and encourage them. Thank you for your time and your love that you're pouring into them. I realize that life would be easier and your relationship would be smoother in some ways if you didn't have to spend so much time with these young people. But look at the fruits; the fruits are good. They're all learning to love more and share with others, to be giving, to be concerned about others. They're learning to live the Law of Love and to embrace the uniting of the generations, and this is making them stronger and happier and more useful in My Kingdom.

167. So don't give up the fight! The victory is yours, and surcease from the trials will come, and the satisfaction and fulfillment that you'll see in the lives of these young ones as they grow will be enough reward for you, and make all of the suffering and giving worth it. Thank you for giving your time and your loved ones.

168. Matthew‚ don't get so discouraged if you make some mistakes along the way; that's just the way it is‚ and the young people need to see that as well—that there are mistakes made and there are hurts and that no one is perfect, no one can do this perfectly. There will be problems and battles, but everyone needs to look at the fruit. The young people need to see that the Law of Love works. They need to see that people are willing to give at any cost, and that even if mistakes are made, those involved are willing to forgive and go on and work things out.

169. The young people need your time. They need you to talk with them, walk with them, encourage them, and give them a shoulder to cry on when it's needed. So thank you for your willingness to give. I'll make the time for your work and I'll help you to get things done. If you'll both just continue to stay close to Me and prayerful and draw your strength from My Word, I'll help you and give you the grace for all these things.

170. But if any of these things become too much for you, let Me know‚ and we can change them. If the dates become too difficult for you, Misty, then we can stop them for whatever amount of time is necessary. But I know that you both want to continue giving and sharing and loving others‚ so I will give you the grace and the strength if you're willing to continue to go forward in this mission that I have commissioned you both to do.

171. It's good, Matthew, that you're learning to communicate more and you're seeing the need for it. That was good, Misty‚ that you shared your heart with Matthew so that he knows how much you need his support and help, and you need him to be open and honest and to communicate with you too, so that there won't be a lack of trust or suspicion on your part, which makes things more difficult for you. Matthew, ask Me to help you. Ask for prayer. Ask others to help you to be open and honest and forthright in all your communications. (End of message from Jesus)

172. (From Matthew: I made a lot of mistakes along the way, too, like not being prayerful and sensitive enough to know when Misty was super going through it, or not taking more action by communicating and showing understanding and support when I did see that she was. I'm sure if I'd prayed to be more sensitive and understanding, I could have made it easier for Misty.)

How Can We Make Our Marriage

More Alive in the Spirit?

173. Following is a message received after a conflict between Matthew and me that caused him to feel quite fed up with my battles. Poor guy!

174. (Prayer:) Jesus, I'm really doing very bad, and having a bad effect on Matthew. He feels like pulling away, and he's condemned, and feels like he's being a cruddy husband. I'm very negative and it's just really a bad situation. I don't know what Your solution is. I could probably think of quite a few points where we're failing or could do better. Matthew says I'm not making any progress and I'm freaking out all the time. I know that's not really true. It's an ex­aggerated statement, but nonetheless, he said it and it does hurt. But I don't blame Matthew for saying things like that because I know he's sometimes pushed to say things like that by the frustration and unjustified guilt and suspicion.

175. He's weary with jealousy. I don't blame him‚ I'm tired of it too. But sometimes, as evidenced recently, You allow it for a specific ­reason‚ to teach us needed lessons. So I don't know that I can think that I'm not going to have any more battles. I don't know what the solution is. I feel quite icky, but I know that You're my good Shepherd, and You love me, and You're my Husband. So please, Jesus, tell me what we need to do in our marriage to make it more alive in the spirit and more what we want it to be and what You want it to be, for Your glory. What do we need to do to be a better sample‚ to be happier?

176. I'll do whatever You want, Jesus. I just don't like this distant feeling and this feeling of conflict and this discouragement and not being satisfied or happy‚ and then blaming Matthew. I blame him, I accuse him. I'm really tired and spent. I'm really sorry. After reading so much Word on this subject, you'd think that I'd do better than this. It's ridiculous. Please forgive me. Please tell me what I can do to make it easier for Matthew so that these jealousy battles won't be such a drain on him.

177. You're my First Love. You're my Husband. I love You more than anyone and I know You love me. I know You can help me through this and give me the counsel I need, or have Dad give it.

178. (Dad speaking:) Well‚ Honey, if you want to be strengthened in your relationship, then just do the things that you know will draw you both closer to the Lord—more Word time together, more desperate prayer together‚ more prayer vigil for others together, more hearing from the Lord together‚ more loving the Lord intimately, more praise time together. All these things bring more of the Spirit into your lives and more of the deep kind of unity that can only come from the Spirit.

179. You enjoy each other's company and enjoy doing things together and being together, and that's all well and good; there's nothing wrong with that. But recreation‚ pleasure, love­making, conversation, and heart sharing will only take you so far. The things that really count and will really last in your marriage will be the things of the Spirit.

180. As for you personally, Honey, and the depression and sadness and heaviness of spirit that you feel, a lot of times it's just an attack of the Enemy. As I've said before, you're in a war. Even after you've gotten one victory and heard the Lord's Words on it, sometimes you just have to keep fighting and determine in your heart that you're not going to give up until the ­Enemy gives up. Sometimes these sorts of battles just take awhile. They take real perseverance and desperation and a refusal to quit fighting. But you don't have to voice the Enemy's lies and doubts and fears. You don't have to share all his misery with Matthew. You can just tell the Lord, or tell me, or tell Mama.

181. If it's too much for Matthew, then just don't tell him. If you see that it doesn't bear good fruit, just don't tell him. Just do the best you can to put on a happy face and be as positive as you can, and simply walk by faith.

182. But don't blame him. It's not his fault. It's the Enemy. Matthew's trying to do what he believes the Lord wants him to do. And of course he doesn't always do everything right, and he has his weaknesses. He's not that sensitive to other people's feelings, and he doesn't always take the time he should to understand or to put himself in someone else's shoes or to try to get the Lord's mind on it. But all those things are no excuse for your battles. What is that to you? Follow Jesus!

183. (From Misty: Matthew is doing much better in this area, because this past year he has made a big effort to hear from the Lord regu­larly about how he can improve in his weak­nesses and his interaction with others, and he's becoming more sensitive to people's needs—not just mine, but those of all our dear mates in our greater marriage.)

184. (Dad continues:) Your victory is not de­pendent on the circumstances or even on Matthew's reactions or his behavior or whether or not he shows you the love and attention you want and think you need and deserve. Your victory depends on your state of mind and your faith and your fighting spirit. It's between you and the Lord, Honey. Just always remind yourself who is the real culprit, the real enemy—the Devil!

185. But don't be discouraged, because you're making progress. You've made great progress. Even though you fall and you stumble, you feel discouraged, and it seems like the battles just go on and on, don't worry about it, because you're making progress and you'll continue to make progress if you just keep fighting. It's true you've had a lot of Word on it, and you do understand the spiritual battle and the nature of jealousy, and you're a fighter‚ but some­times it just takes time for the battles to subside. Even when you are fighting, sometimes the Devil doesn't give up so easily, so you've just got to hang on and hold on‚ and know that the Lord's mercies are renewed every day. There's light at the end of the tunnel, but you've simply got to keep moving forward.

186. I really love you, Honey, and I'm proud of you. I see your battles, but I see your vic­tories and your progress. The Lord is changing you and helping you, and in spite of your battles, you're still being a good testimony and a good sample. And most of the time you're a cheerful giver. Of course you're not perfect; but don't worry, the Lord doesn't expect you to be perfect. All you have to do is be willing and yielded and cry out to Him, and He'll do the rest. (End of message from Dad.)

Don't Let Misunderstandings

And Hurt Feelings Grow

—Fight to Stay Unified!

187. Matthew is a patient man and has done well under the circumstances. As I said, he's been very understanding and loving. An unusual situation came up in which he lost his temper and got upset about something minor regarding my jealousy. It's very rare that he ever gets upset, especially about something that's not a big deal. Here is Dad's insight on that situ­ation.

188. (Dad speaking: ) Well, Honey, I'll tell you one thing hands down without a question, without a doubt—and that is‚ this is an attack of the Enemy. The Enemy has come in to try to sow division and discouragement, lack of faith and fear. He's taking what is becoming one of your strong points and trying to turn it around and use it against you.

189. Mama was right when she said that Matthew is a little under pressure these days. He's very busy and has a lot on his mind. He's trying to do the right thing, but he feels that he's been falsely accused because he's just trying to follow the Lord. He can't understand why you question his motives or can't just believe him when he tries to reassure you and tell you that he loves you, that he'll always come back to you, and that comparatively speaking these other relationships mean little to him.

190. But you have to remember that he doesn't really understand jealousy, and people who don't understand jealousy and have never ex­perienced it don't understand why their words of encouragement and reassurance aren't enough to pull others out of their battles. He doesn't realize that you need desperate prayer, that he needs to pray more and rebuke the Enemy and be more prayerful, not giving place to the ­Enemy or giving a way for the Enemy to come in through careless, prayerless, thoughtless remarks.

191. Another thing about people who are not jealous or don't understand it—they don't realize that when a normally or formerly jealous person is doing well, it doesn't mean that the tendency to be jealous has completely disappeared. That doesn't mean that the battle is gone. The Enemy has been trying to attack you, but you've been doing well to fight and to go on the attack and to do what you know the Lord wants you to do even though it hasn't been easy. You've been in the victory, but Matthew has mistakenly thought that the jealousy battles have passed, that you no longer battle, you no longer have a problem‚ and it's made him be off guard in his presentation of things, in his interaction with you and others.

192. You can't be too hard on Matthew or hold it against him. You just need to realize that in a way, this is a handicap for him. Because in not having experienced jealousy much‚ he can't understand it, and therefore finds it difficult to relate to or understand or sympathize with ­others, and in the end that makes him impatient at times.

193. But you can't blame him even though you feel justified, because blame leads to resentment, which leads to bitterness. You ­simply have to understand that he's doing the best he can‚ and you have to forgive and forget and look at this conflict as an attack of the Enemy.

194. Of course‚ it's much better to just let these things pass, but if you can't let it pass, then you need to discuss it. But in discussing it, you have to be careful not to make matters worse by saying things that you don't mean, by saying things that hurt, that are difficult to forget. Usually at the moment something happens that causes you a jealousy battle, your immediate response is to lash out, to say something mean or hurtful. Try to rebuke the Enemy's thoughts and get a loving, positive perspective on the situation before you talk about it. Take a few minutes to calm down and pray. Get the Lord's mind on it; ask Him how He sees it. Give your loved one the benefit of the doubt‚ and then you'll find your emotions begin to calm down.

195. If you need to talk about a problem or something that bothered you‚ after you've calmed down, then go ahead and be open about it. Try to lovingly and calmly explain your feelings. Don't just continue to mull them over in your mind. It's better to discuss these things and pray together and unite against the Enemy's attacks before your emotions get more strained, your reactions more intense, and before you become even more aggravated, frustrated, or offended.

196. The longer you go without making things right between you, the harder it is to make things right. The Enemy uses that time to speak to you and to consolidate his gains in your mind with his negative thoughts, his logical reasoning—emphasizing, highlighting‚ and exaggerating where you're right and the other person is wrong. And all of this "rightness" leads to self–righteousness, which leads to critical­ness, hardness of heart, and gives the ­Enemy more of an opening to come in and attack and divide.

197. Of course the Devil's going to try to come in and divide you, weaken you, discourage you, and take away your faith for the situation. He hates the sharing, he hates living the Law of Love fully, and he especially hates anyone getting the victory over jealousy‚ because jealousy is what stands in the way of the sharing, the giving, the loving, and the living of the Law of Love fully. Jealousy is one of his most powerful tools, so he'll do anything to stop the testimony of victory over jealousy. He'll do anything he can to discourage you and try to defeat you and try to steal away your victory, even in your own mind.

198. He knows if he can convince you that you haven't made the progress that you have, he'll in essence take away that progress; he'll nullify it, and in that moment, instead of progressing‚ you'll begin regressing. Instead of going forward, you'll begin going backward. Instead of getting stronger, you'll begin getting weaker. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he‚ and if the Enemy can convince you or get you to think that maybe you haven't progressed, maybe you don't have a victory, maybe you're not doing as well as you thought you were, then in that moment he gains a greater hold on your mind‚ your heart, and your faith. Then he can begin to twist things, distort the truth, and exaggerate, frustrate, complicate and do anything he can to try to stop the testimony of love.

199. Don't worry, Honey, or think that maybe you don't have a victory or you're losing your victory, because even when you have tremendous victory over jealousy it doesn't mean that you won't still have battles or temptations. But you've come so, so far, there's just no comparison between how you are now and how you used to be. Ask anyone—they'll tell you, because everyone has seen the great miracle that the Lord has done in your life.

200. Even though you do have occasional temptations or jealous thoughts, that doesn't mean that you don't have the victory; it just means it's a continuous battle. You have to just keep fighting day by day and getting greater victories. But with those greater victories sometimes come greater battles, because the Enemy gets so upset and so angry, and he tries to come in and steal away those victories and steal away the testimony. That's why this unexpected battle was an unguarded moment on Matthew's part. But he didn't do it intentionally or maliciously or out of lack of respect; it's just a blunder of the mind, not of the heart.

201. The most important thing is not to let the coldness and misunderstanding and hurt feelings grow‚ but to nip them in the bud as quickly as possible and to rebuke the attacks of the Enemy. It hurts Matthew as much as it hurts you when you have these battles and these conflicts, because he doesn't want to do anything to hurt you. It's true what he said—that he values your relationship and the love that he has for you and your marriage much more than these other relationships, and he doesn't want to hurt you or endanger your relationship.

202. He says that he'd be willing to give it all up—and in a way, he says that out of sincerity, because he would be willing to give it all up if it would make it easier for you. But he also says it out of frustration and lack of patience, because sometimes he just gets tired of the battles. And because he doesn't understand the battles, he can't understand why they repeat themselves. That looks like lack of progress to him, like you're just going over the same ground again and again and again.

203. He can't understand why you can't just be secure in his love‚ and why you can't just receive what he says and let those words of encouragement and reassurance take the place of and eliminate your jealous thoughts and sus­picions. He sees it as a lack of trust, but that again is just because he doesn't understand the intensity of the battle. So you have to remind him that when you battle, it's not that you're not trusting. You can trust in his love and still battle jealousy, because the Enemy can still come in and attack your thoughts and try to sway your emotions.

204. It will help if you can also show sympathy for the battles that he goes through—the lack of understanding, the feeling of impatience, the feeling that he's not trusted, the feeling that he's falsely accused, when really his intentions and his motives are pure and Godly and he's done well in controlling his emotions and leading the girls to the Lord and trying to be a good example of the Lord and loving Him intimately.

205. I understand why it bothers you, because it looks like he's the one that's having all the fun and you're the one that's doing all the sacrificing. In a way, it's true; it probably doesn't cost him as much to do his part of this uniting of the generations. It's not as big a sacrifice for him—although, as Mama brought out, it is a big responsibility. But with that responsibility does come a certain measure of satisfaction, and there is the encouragement of being desired and wanted and feeling loved. So I under­stand your feelings, that it doesn't seem to be such a big sacrifice on his part, whereas you're the one who seems to be staying by the stuff and doing the giving and the sacrificing.

206. But I want you to know that the Lord sees your sacrifice, and while you may not be rewarded as much in this life‚ you will be rewarded in the next life. The one who does the interacting, who spends the time in the bed of love and gets to hear the words of encouragement and love from another, that's part of their reward, and they get part of their reward in this life. But for you who feel that you do the giving without much obvious reward in return, do not doubt, but rest assured that the Lord will reward you. You'll not lose from your giving, and that which is given in private will be rewarded openly.

207. Don't feel bad that this conflict is all your fault, that you're one hundred percent to blame, because as usual, as with most conflicts, both people can take part of the blame. Both people are partly right and partly wrong. But the Lord allowed this situation, and He'll use it to work together for your good if you'll take the time to communicate on it and pray about it. And taking the time to hear this message is a good first step.

208. This is always the quickest way to get the Lord's perspective and get the answers you need. It's so much better than trying to figure it out on your own or reason it out, and it's especially more effective than arguing or trying to forcefully present your thoughts and views on the situation. It's so much better just to take the time to rest in the Lord and pray and hear from Him‚ and let Him establish your thoughts. Then when you have the Lord's mind on it and you have the truth, you can let that truth wash away all the hurt feelings, the discouragement‚ the resentment, and the walls that the Enemy would try to build between you.

209. In unity there is strength. In desperate prayer there is strength. In honest communication there is strength. Fight to stay unified. Fight together against the Enemy, and you will continue to be victorious. (End of message from Dad)

Is It Really Worth It?

210. This next prayer and prophecy is a result of a late–night conversation that Matthew and I had which became a little heated. I got really out of it over some little thing, and it was completely unexpected and really threw Matthew for a loop. We were both very tired and ready to go to sleep, but we made the mistake of discussing some sensitive issue and it just didn't go well. I'm sure others of you have had this experience. It's pretty dumb to discuss something that you know won't go well right before you want to go to sleep. Well, live and learn. At least we got some good lessons from the Lord as a result, and things worked out and we felt better the next day. Whew!

211. (Prayer:) It's really late at night. Jesus‚ I'm having a very big battle, even worse than earlier today. I'm really in bad shape. I really need some answers. Thank You Jesus! The situation seems worse than ever with ­Matthew. He's very discouraged. He wants to stop having all his dates, and he just doesn't want to share anymore. He says it's not worth it, that it doesn't work. He says that even though we've tried as hard as we can for a whole year, nothing has changed. He says he doesn't even believe that it can work.

212. He feels that he doesn't have the love or wisdom or sensitivity to do it right, and that there's no lasting victory over jealousy. He feels, because of something I said, that it causes too many battles for me, and it's just not worth it. He said it's going to ruin our marriage, that I'm operating outside of my faith, I'm trying to do too much, and he wants to stop sharing. And even though I try to tell him that that's not what I want to do—stop‚ that is—and that You're not going to bless it and it's not going to make us happy, he seems pretty set on it. But anyway, that's neither here nor there‚ because I don't really know what he's going to decide in the end.

213. But it is interesting, Lord, because I was talking to Mama today and she mentioned about the need to ask You for another confirm­ation for the Family that will help them have the faith that they really can live the Law of Love, that it is possible. There are those who are ­really trying, really fighting to do it, but they still have big battles sometimes. If we here need so much encouragement from You and each other, then the Family is probably also really in need of encouragement. They'll surely be asking, "Is it really worth it? Is it worth all the problems, the time, and the heartache, all the arguments in our marriage and all the sleepless nights‚ all the distraction from preaching the Gospel and training our children, following up on our contacts, just to share, to live the Law of Love fully and have sex with other Family members? Is it really worth it?"

214. It's a very big responsibility to live in Mama's Home. You don't want to fail Mama or Peter. You know the Family is depending on you. You know a lot is expected of you and it's important to be obedient. You don't want to hurt people's faith‚ so you feel like you have to deliver. That gives us some extra impetus, because we not only don't want to fail You, but we don't want to disappoint the Family. But surely there must be equally as good a motivation for the rest of the Family to continue to live the Law of Love even with all the problems sur­round­ing it. If I put myself on the field and I were going through these battles that seem to be just relentless, I'm pretty sure I'd be tempted to think, "What's the point?"

215. Can You please explain more about what our motivation should be for living the Law of Love? Please give a message that would give us all the necessary courage to keep going. I guess just knowing it's Your will and the direction You're leading should be enough‚ but it seems like it takes a lot of faith, a lot of sheer obedience to do it just because the Word says so, so can You please explain more?

216. Matthew feels like he can't do it anymore and he doesn't want to do it anymore. I know when you're very discouraged you say a lot of things you don't really mean. Plus he didn't have time to hear from You in prophecy today, so I'm sure that his thoughts are not very focused on what You want. I mean‚ I did have personal prophecy time today and my thoughts are hardly focused, but at least I know that it's not Your will to stop. But anyway, it looks like I've really screwed it up so bad this time, and Matthew is finished and he just doesn't want to do it anymore and he's very discouraged. I made him feel lower than low. I wrote him a horrible note that he said really tore him to shreds. God help me!

217. Anyway‚ Jesus‚ that's where we're at. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to ask You. All I know is that I feel very distressed and like I've really screwed it up so bad now, and I don't even know if it's repairable or if it's past the point of return. I tried to tell ­Matthew that I wanted him to keep sharing and keep going, and that this is just an attack of the ­Enemy, and that stopping is the very thing the Enemy wants to get us to do, but Matthew doesn't seem to be buying it, so I don't know what to do.

218. I'm sure plenty of people are going to run into this problem, where they have arguments and say things they wish they hadn't said, and then people are hurt and have resentment and grudges and it's just really bad. Anyway, Jesus, please, please help me. I don't even know what my question is. I could ask a lot of questions, but I'm too tired to ask a lot of questions. I wish I could just go to sleep—I'm sure things will look better in the morning.

219. I know You love me, Lord, in spite of all my really big blow-its and my ongoing problems and this terrible, horrible spirit of jealousy and possessiveness and selfishness and pride and all these horrible things. Thank You that You're still even willing to talk to me, Lord. So please do help me, Jesus. Please give me some message‚ whatever You know will be best. Please give me the grace and the faith to receive it. Thank You, Lord, not only for Your precious love and for being my Shepherd, Friend, Lover and Husband‚ but also for these answers that I know You're going to give.

220. (Spirit helper speaking:) You've got to keep fighting no matter what! No matter how dark the night, no matter how high the waves, no matter how strong the storm, you've got to keep fighting. That's your salvation, that's the victory—perseverance and fighting! Those who continue fighting the good fight of faith are guaranteed the victory. No matter how long the battle, no matter how long the tunnel, if you just keep fighting there is deliverance, peace and freedom.

221. But you must believe, because He cannot do many mighty works where there is unbelief. All power is given to your Husband, your Lover; He holds the whole world in the palm of His hand, so is He not able to rebuke the attacks of the Enemy, to calm your emotions, to give you strength?

222. He's allowed these battles for a purpose, to help you to be touched with the feelings of the infirmities of others, and the weaknesses and battles that the Family will experience. You in Mama and Peter's Home are the test tube case. Your lives are not your own, and many things you must experience not only for your own sakes and your own personal growth, but so that you'll be forced to seek the answers that the whole Family will need. You're called and ­chosen to suffer for others' sake.

223. This is one way that you lay down your life for your friends and for your Family—you allow yourselves to be tested and tried and proven. By being willing to do all you can to follow the king and queen closely, you know that you'll be subjected to diverse tests and trials‚ not only to purge you and to make you white and to strengthen you‚ but also so that others, through your example and lessons and the words you receive from the Lord, might be strengthened and gain the faith that it can be done.

224. So powerful is your testimony in the house of the king and queen, so powerful are the Words that you draw from the wellsprings of Heaven—and it is for this reason that the Enemy fights so viciously. You feel at this moment that you've made no progress, that all things continue as they were, that you're back at square one; but this is not true. When the heat of this battle passes, when you've learned the lessons you needed to learn, and when you've received the answers and the seeds that must be given, then you'll be restored to a place of even greater strength than before, and you'll go from strength to strength. (End of message from spirit helper.)

225. (Jesus speaking: ) Living the Law of Love is a costly venture. It's only for the strong‚ only for the brave, only for those who truly and completely have Me in first place. That's one of the great benefits of living the Law of Love, and that's one of the reasons why it must come to pass in the children of David—because not only will it lead them to greater unity and greater love one for another, but it will also drive them to have no gods before Me, their God and Husband. It will purify them of anything that they're putting before Me, and this will be a great, great strengthening. All those who seek to live the Law of Love fully will only be able to do so as they are firmly attached to My line, and as they look squarely and fully in My face and draw their faith and strength, inspiration and instruction from My Word.

226. Mama has asked that I confirm again that it is realistic that the Family be expected to live the Law of Love fully, for she and Peter know personally what it costs. They see what it costs in the lives of their loved ones in their Home. If it's so difficult for those in their own Home, then is it asking too much of the Family, who often face circum­stances that are difficult, unpredictable and uncon­trolled? Some not only have to overcome battles with jealousy and learn to implement the full counsel of My Word on the subject of the Law of Love, but many have struggles in their relationships‚ for there are those in their Homes who are im­mature‚ inexperi­enced, and unrestrained; there are those who are not prayerful and who let their emotions run wild.

227. If living the Law of Love is as difficult as it is for those in the house of the king and queen, then it may seem to the natural man to be impossible for those on the field to do so, where there are so many varying degrees of dedication, yieldedness, and loyalty. But don't you see, the Law of Love is one of the things that will purify the Family, and that in the end will bring much greater strength! Though it will be a painful process‚ the tears will moisten the hearts of those who have grown hard and dry and brittle.

228. Fear not for those who will yet be tested of the children of David‚ for know that I have each one in My hand and I hallow them about with a shield of protection. And be not unwise to put too much stock in physical circumstances, thinking that the circumstances are what bring about either success or failure, victory or defeat. For the power is not in the circumstances, but the power is in My Word, and desperate prayer, and yieldedness. I am able to reach down and lift My precious ones in the Family even above circumstances if need be, and give them a supernatural anointing and gift of faith and endurance, and a vision for the future that will help them carry on. (End of message from Jesus.)

Can Jealousy Battles

Ruin a Marriage?

229. Thank You, wonderful Lover, for that very helpful counsel. You're so good to me. I have another question: What about this idea that Matthew has that this sharing and all these jealousy battles will ruin our marriage? Mama told me tonight that these things strengthen our marriage. I know that to be true; and I know that not yielding and not obeying and trying to be exclusive and just guard and protect your marriage seems to be just about the fastest, easiest way to ruin it. But do You have anything to say on that, Jesus? How do You look at it? Can these jealousy battles really ruin our marriage? Is that possible? Matthew feels that we need a reprieve‚ six months of no sharing and starting again slowly, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do. Anyway, I'm sure that plenty of people feel that way, that their marriage is just going to be destroyed. What do You have to say about that, Jesus?

230. (Jesus speaking: ) Jealousy battles can't destroy a marriage as long as both people are fighting with all their hearts, looking to Me, hearing My Words, and doing the best they can to follow closely. Just because jealousy is a long, hard road and there are many setbacks, that doesn't mean that the marriage is on the brink of ruin. However, I understand that sometimes when you fall under the attacks of the Enemy and you're in the depths of despair and discouragement, you do feel like all is just about lost and you wonder how long your relationship can handle the stress and strain.

231. It is stress and strain to live the Law of Love fully. It is difficult and it is a test‚ but it doesn't have to weaken your relationship; it can actually strengthen it, provided it causes you to turn to Me and to My Word, and provided it breaks you and humbles you and causes you to draw close to Me‚ instead of causing you to get hard and bitter toward each other.

232. Jealousy battles in themselves do not have the power to ruin a relationship, but it's how they are handled that makes the difference. No matter how long the fight‚ you just have to keep fighting. It's often a case of two steps forward, one step back‚ or twenty steps forward, ten steps back; nonetheless, as you fight, you do progress. If the jealousy battles are a result of giving, sharing, and sacrifice, then the results will be greater love, greater unity, greater harmony, and greater joy. These blessings are My promise to you and the reward for your giving.

233. As long as you're taking steps forward, as long as you obey and reach out to give, as long as you hang on and go forward, I will bless you. The unity which your giving will bring will hold you together. My blessings come from your obedience to give, for it is your giving and your sharing that pleases Me and that I greatly honor. I will always repay and greatly bless your giving. You may not see those results immediately, and you may not see them constantly, for when you're in the midst of battle you sometimes—easily, in fact—lose sight of the blessings and the rewards. But I guarantee that they are there. You can never outgive Me. (End of message from Jesus.)

The Need for Patience,

Love and Understanding

234. Here's a message that Matthew received after the above-mentioned incident.

235. (Jesus speaking: ) Impatience is the main problem here, My son. You've lost your patience, therefore you've lost faith and courage and strength, which gives you the initiative to go forward and carry on with the mission that I have given you. Misty has been a real fighter and has battled with the Enemy in hand-to-hand combat for a very long time now. She's won many victories and gained greater security in your relationship, and is more trusting and more loving. She wants to please Me and she also wants to please you. She knows that you love her, but she just gets hit from time to time with doubts and lies of the Enemy; they throw her for a loop and cause her to get sensitive and even stinging in her comments and accusations.

236. This is when she most needs you to be patient, loving‚ and understanding, to not take things personally and get resentful and feel that she just doesn't care or understand, or that your words of love and endearment and assurance mean nothing to her. This is far from the truth, for they mean a great deal to her, but she needs your love and assurance and reassurance ­often. So I implore you to give it to her as often as she needs it and to be patient and loving.

237. You've fallen short in this, My son, but that's no reason for condemnation‚ for there is no condemnation to them which walk after the spirit and not after the flesh. You must just turn around and be patient‚ loving, and understanding. As My Word says, love covers a mul­titude of sins, and if you will be loving, caring, and understanding, it will cover the harsh words and the misunderstandings, the suspicions, the fearfulness, the doubts, and the lack of trust—all of that will evaporate in My love. For the lie cannot stand the truth‚ and the darkness cannot stand the light.

238. So walk in love‚ My son, and care for your wife in her time of trial. Don't take her words during time of distress or great attack so personally. Often she's just reaching out for assurance, love and commitment from you—for these things are scary for her. She sees these young women and feels that they're so attractive in the flesh to men, that it worries and scares her, so she needs assurance that your love and your desire for her is above all. Although you've given it many times, it's something that she needs constantly‚ just as you would if the tables were turned.

239. Don't listen to the Enemy's lies and his fears that try to cause you to withdraw‚ but face the Enemy and attack—attack with love, concern, caring, and understanding. Running from the problem will not be the solution, as she's told you many times. For it is My will and the vision for you to share and bring about the uniting of the generations in My Family. So be not weary in well doing, for in due season you will reap if you faint not.

240. Go to your loved one and humble yourself and lift her up and encourage and re­assure her of your love; ask for her forgiveness, and all will be well. I will bless and keep you and strengthen your relationship and knit your hearts together again as one. (End of message from Jesus.)

How to Move Toward the

Goal of Total Surrender!

241. You've all read a prayer I prayed and a message the Lord gave called "The Key to Overcoming Possessiveness." (See "Living the Lord's Law of Love—Part 9," ML #3209:215-251.) In spite of the Lord's good counsel in that prophecy, which I fully believe, I just didn't seem to be able to put it into practice very well. I'm sure it must have been due to my resistance and lack of yieldedness, but I knew I wasn't reaching that place of full surrender that the Lord was seeking‚ and which He explained was the key to overcoming possessive­ness. So I asked Him if He had what basically amounts to a "Plan B"—ha!

242. (Prayer: ) Jesus, sweet Jesus, precious Lover, thank You for the time to ask You about my jealousy again. I know I've asked You about this many times, and I appreciate that You never tire of my coming back to You and asking You. You're so patient, so understanding. Thank You that You never condemn me. Even when I feel pretty hopeless and icky, like a really bad person, You're able to see beyond all that and You still have hope for me. I love You for that, dear, sweet Lover. I need You so much.

243. Thank You for the words of instruction You've already given me. You've been very specific and You haven't pulled Your punches, and I appreciate that. Now I have more questions.

244. As You know, I still battle—sometimes quite a bit. I feel I'm not making much progress, or that I've hit a standstill. The Enemy doesn't hit me with those overwhelming floods of doubts where I'm freaking out inside like he used to in the past, but I still often get hit with sadness, not liking the Law of Love, resenting that the sharing situations Matthew is involved in are going to "last forever," with no hope of change.

245. I feel resentful that Matthew doesn't ever have battles. I know that's awful, but it seems unfair to me that I battle so much and he battles none. It seems to me that his side of living the Law of Love is the fun part—dates, com­munication with others‚ people loving and enjoying him and feeding his ego. And when I really get out of it, I feel the girls and their need for him and desire to be with him feeds his pride. That's really awful and it's not true.

246. So‚ Lord, I still really need help. I need a bigger, more complete victory. What I want, Lord, is to not just endure the Law of Love or barely get by, giving what I absolutely have to when there's no way around it, and even then kicking and screaming and murmuring. It's ­really disgusting when I have so much—a wonderful husband who loves me and is devoted to me—that I would despise giving some of that love to another who has much less than me. That to me seems like the height of selfishness. I guess it is.

247. You showed me in that prophecy that was published in "Law of Love Part 9" that total yieldedness and acceptance is the way to get over possessiveness, that I need to be willing to accept the very thing I'm afraid of, which would be Matthew falling in love with someone else. But I have to admit, I've still had a very hard time with that. I'm sure I have a measure of greater yieldedness, but I still don't have anywhere near a complete victory.

248. How can I ever get to the point of being accepting of his falling in love with someone else, if I can't even get to the point of being happy that he's enjoying his dates with others? I have this perverted, unrealistic idea that his dates should all be sacrificial, that he should barely be able to get it up, that he should dread them; I think that's the only thing that would make me happy in my present state of mind.

249. Matthew said to me the other night that he is happy if my dates with others are fun for me. Of course, those kinds of statements make me feel bad because they just emphasize how little victory I have by comparison, so I feel guilty, discouraged, and very exposed for how horribly selfish I am. I want just the opposite. I want Matthew's dates to be bad. I want him to share, because I want to live the Law of Love and I want to be a sample‚ but I obviously have some very big restrictions on how I want that done. I have put limitations‚ and the main one is that it needs to be sacrificial for Matthew. I have a feeling there are many struggling Family members who feel the same.

250. Now my specific question, Lord, is how I can practically get to the point of total yielded­ness. There must be some in-between steps, some­thing to get me from the point I'm at now to the point where I'm freed from possessiveness through total surrender. Even though I know what the key to freedom from these awful chains of possessiveness is‚ I can't seem to use it; I can't find it within myself to have that much yieldedness.

251. So can You please show me how I can get closer to the goal, what I can do to get to the point where I can grow into it? If I just hope to suddenly be at the point where I have complete surrender, where I'm accepting of a love relationship outside our marriage, then I think I'll always be disappointed‚ unless You do a huge miracle in my heart. But I don't see how You can even do that miracle in my heart, because it seems humanly impossible, at least in my present state, to make the kind of commitments You've asked of me.

252. I believe Your Word. I know that what You said is right. I know that total surrender is the key, and I believe I've tried. But for some reason—I guess because of fear, pride, selfishness, bad habits, unrealistic expectations—I'm still holding back. So instead of expecting a huge overnight miracle, I'd like to ask You what I need to do on a day-to-day basis to change my frame of mind, my whole concept of the Law of Love. How can I get out of my negative cycle? I have very bad mental habits, and even bad speech habits. The thoughts I entertain and the things I say are negative and not reflective of the beauti­ful things You've said about the Law of Love and the rewards You give us for living it. I want to forsake these.

253. I want You to show me the way out of this sad, half–victory state. There must be some kind of steps, some kind of practical things I can do day by day, instead of just accepting that I'll never be completely yielded‚ or just hoping You'll somehow change me, "presto change-o"! If there are some steps, please help me, Jesus, to know what they are. Of course, I'll need Your help to do them, too, but if You can give me some very direct practical to-dos, I'd be very grateful. Thank You‚ my wonderful‚ ­caring, patient Lover!

254. (Jesus speaking:) My love, you've done well so far. You've progressed. You feel you've made little progress, but honestly, if you'd look back, I think you'd have to admit that you have made some significant progress. Remember the days when you were tormented, when you felt you were being beaten up by the Enemy, when Matthew couldn't even look at one of the young women or be sweet to them at all, without you having a hissy fit? Well‚ by comparison, you're flying high! You're doing tremendously! So you should rejoice. You've been a good example because you've smiled through your tears and con­tinued to give‚ even when it hurt. You haven't always been a totally victorious giver, but you've given nonetheless.

255. But now I understand your dilemma. You feel you've come to a plateau. You've progressed‚ but now you've hit the point where you know what you have to do, you've resigned yourself to doing it‚ but you're not happy about it. You jokingly said to Mama in a moment of frustration that you "hate the Law of Love" and that there's "no joy in it." In some ways that's true, in that you hate the sacrifices it requires; you hate the way you know you're going to have to eventually let go completely; you hate the way the Enemy attacks you; you hate the ongoing battles.

256. There is no joy in it for you when you're fighting not only the Enemy but Me as well; when you refuse to let Me or others comfort you; when you're determined to have it your way, even though you know in your heart that it's only a matter of time before you'll give up your reservations and unyieldedness completely.

257. You have moved closer to total surrender. I understand that it's difficult, and I admit that that is a very big step to take. Sometimes you do surrender all, but then you run back to the altar and you pick him up again. It's a struggle. I know it's difficult. So let's try to go at this from a different angle and see if that makes it easier. But this too will require surrender on your part and a willingness to let Me make you over again. You'll have to give your fears to Me and let Me worry about the future.

258. Now, the first and foremost change that you need to make is in your attitude. You see the Law of Love as a heavy burden, an ugly cross that you're destined to bear. You see it as problematic, generally as a bummer, without much good to offer and mostly the source of battles and unhappiness. You've been willing up until now to grin and bear it‚ to smile through your tears. But how about if we try to get rid of the tears; doesn't that sound nice?

259. Okay, My love, think back. Remember when you were younger, how you loved the radical spirit of David and the sexy revolutions? You found them completely intriguing. You were sold on the effectiveness of FFing and you were determined to not only take care of the brothers in the Family, but to share My love with needy souls outside of the Family as well, as long as I was leading in that direction. You were motivated by the truth and you were determined to do anything to fill the need, no matter how tired you were or how unappealing the situation was.

260. But I want to remind you of something else—there was also a lot of fun in living the Law of Love. Remember the sweet lovers you had who were so in love with you, so devoted to you, they'd do anything for you? Remember the sexy dances? Remember the fun threesomes you had? You loved all that. It represented the freedom of the Spirit and you wanted all you could get of it.

261. Well, if you want to capture that spirit again‚ where you desire the freedom, the sexiness, the total living of the Word, you have to want it, desire it, see it as something good‚ something fun, something that you hunger after. Now the question you're asking yourself is‚ how do I do that?

262. To begin with, you'll have to let go of the erroneous opinion that Matthew is the only one who has fun. You're just going to have to go on the attack to create situations that are fun for you too. There are plenty of opportunities; you just have to pray and be willing to go for it. Of course, what will hold you back, as you know and are already feeling even as I give you this message, is the fear that "if I do that, Matthew will do that too." I know that's hard‚ but that's where the second point comes in.

263. You have to verbally admit to Matthew and others that living the Law of Love is fun. It's exciting. You have such a negative frame of mind now that you can hardly imagine being a preacher of how "fun" the Law of Love is. Ha! I know this is a tall order, but you have to admit that the variety in your marriage is fun, that it's fun to have sex with others, that you need it, you look forward to it‚ you want it. You have to admit that Matthew doesn't fill all your needs. Even if you could have only him, you wouldn't want that. That's not what you want—that's just part of the tantrum that you throw‚ trying to make Matthew feel bad. But if you really think about it, you don't want to have a monog­amous marriage where you only spend time with each other‚ you only know each other intimately, you only fuck each other, you only love Me with each other and no one else. That won't make you happy. So you have to be willing to admit that.

264. Next, you have to recondition your thought patterns. You have to realize that many of the things that Matthew does that bother you, he does because he's obeying Me. He's doing what I want him to do. So what do you want? Do you want him to disobey Me? Do you want him to lose My blessing? Do you want him to be a bad sample? Is that what you want? Of course not.

265. So when you see him do something that gets your goat—if he's being affectionate and showing love, talking to someone, dancing affectionately, having dates, enjoying his dates—ask yourself, "What do I expect him to do? What could he do differently?" And you'll re­alize that what he's doing is in line with the Word, is the loving and giving thing, and is perfectly right.

266. You have an idea of yourself as being very jealous, and you need to change that. You're not as jealous now as you are negative. You need to quit referring to yourself as being "so jealous." You can say you used to be very jealous, but you can glorify Me by speaking of the mir­aculous deliverance you've received. You can say you have a temptation to jealousy that you have to fight‚ but you must resist the notion that you're so jealous. But you must realize that you are negative.

267. You've thought the Enemy's negative thoughts about sharing‚ Matthew's dates, the Law of Love and the sacrifices, dangers, and complications of it for so long, that you've now got to wage a very hefty warfare to change that negative thought pattern. The way you do that is by saying the opposite—by praising Me, by making a conscious effort to look on the positive.

268. All of this is a forsake–all. It's all a test, because you know these are steps to total surrender and you still fear. But you have to realize that I have you in My hand; I'm protecting you, your marriage, and your closeness with Matthew. The Devil wants to tell you of all you'll lose by letting go in this way‚ but I want to say you'll gain so much more—and I'm not talking just about unity and being a better sample and having more peace of mind, but you'll also be much happier.

269. You personally, Misty My love, will be happier, freer, and your life will be more exciting. You might lose a little more of Matthew's time and you won't be able to keep tabs on him constantly, but you'll be much happier‚ as you'll gain so much more.

270. Now I'll give you more practical tips:

mYou can go out of your way to make Matthew's dates nice by helping him to set up the room, making sure everything is in order.

mYou can send Matthew off in a good, happy mood by being cheerful when he leaves‚ wishing him well, encouraging him to love up the woman real good.

mYou can be thankful that you have a sexy man that the women like. Would you rather have it otherwise? Would you rather have a man that no one else looks at or is interested in? Of course not. So even though other women desire to be with Matthew, you can be thankful that you have him most of the time.

mYou can realize that the time you share Matthew is your tithe. That's your reasonable service, the minimum. That's My time.

mGo out of your way to do things that are not just sharing, but wild and free, crazy love, for by doing this you create a vacuum for more of My spirit of freedom in your lives.

mYou can remember that Matthew is Mine first and foremost. I've lent him to you, to care for you and love you, and for you to care for him and love him. But you don't own him. He also belongs to the other women‚ because he's My love, My body for them, and I have the right to use him any time or any way I want to‚ to show My love.

mYou can write your Law of Love testimony. I realize you don't see it as a priority, but I implore you to please do it. It won't take long, and it will help you to see that all your lessons and suffering have not been in vain. It will give more purpose to your living of the Law of Love. It will help you to make a public commitment, which I know you would have the guts and determination to live up to. It will help others, as there are so many others who battle as you do.

271. You're doing well, My love. I appreciate that you're still seeking Me and desiring to progress. I'm pleased with your attitude and desire to grow. I'll help you, and as you take these steps, you'll eventually realize that you've arrived at the point of full surrender. You'll find that you've put Matthew on the altar and you've left him there, and what a relief that will be!

272. Thanks for asking, My darling. I will help you. I love you and will never fail to supply all your needs. No matter what the circumstances‚ I'm your main Man, so let Me love you and make you happy as only I can. (End of mess­age from Jesus.)

The Enemy Is the Real Culprit

—So Fight Him!

273. The Enemy was really not happy about this wonderful counsel. Because although I was really happy with this counsel and it seemed quite a bit more reachable and I was trying to practice it to the best of my ability‚ shortly thereafter I went through a time of extreme sadness. It hit me out of the blue and was very hard to shake. But again our wonderful Husband was close at hand and He knew just what I needed. His words of instruction, reproof and encour­agement all helped to put things in perspective and to drive the Enemy's lies and doubts away.

274. There have been many times when I've been battling terribly, and it's not until I go to the Lord to hear from Him in prophecy that I get over the battle and pull out of the Enemy's pit. But it's my tendency, and maybe some of you feel the same, that when I really need the counsel I'm a little resistant to ask. I sometimes even say to Mama, "I know I need to hear from the Lord, but I just don't want to." I guess part of it is because I know the Lord will tell me to keep fighting, to not give up. One part of me wants to hear the counsel, because I know it will bring the victory, but another part of me doesn't want to hear the counsel, because I'm rebelling and resisting and I don't want to keep fighting. But of course the moral of the story is to go to the Lord right away. The sooner the better!

275. (Prayer:) Jesus, I'm so sorry for this horrible selfishness. I'm pretty sure You're not very happy with me. I'm so sorry‚ Jesus. I should be so much more grateful. I should be so much hap­pier for all You've given me and for Mat­thew's devotion. I should be rejoicing to have such a loyal‚ loving, caring, devoted husband as Matthew. There are many men who treat their wives bad, who have wrong motives, who don't control their emotions, who humiliate their wives in public, all kinds of really bad things. Matthew is so stable and I know he really loves me. I don't doubt that at all.

276. I feel like the Enemy has been really clobbering me. I've been so torn up inside, so sad, so wakeful in the night, or else tormented by horrible gross dreams of all sorts. I'm sure I've let the Enemy in through my negativity, through laying down my Halloween Wheel of protection through doubt‚ selfishness‚ and pride. Please forgive me, dear Jesus, and please help me.

277. Please show me why I get hit with these incredibly strong waves of discouragement, almost depression. Why can't I seem to shake it? What brings it on‚ and how can I avoid it or minimize it? I really need Your help, Jesus‚ as I hate being like this. It wastes time, brings ­Matthew down, makes him feel guilty, and hinders our living the Law of Love.

278. I know You gave me really beautiful counsel recently on how to move toward the goal of total yieldedness, but right now I feel completely incapable of putting that counsel into practice. I'm barely surviving, much less feeling that living the Law of Love is "so much fun." It's really torture to be like this, and I don't want it.

279. Please help me, dear Lover. Please give me what I need, even if it's a big spanking. I appreciate Your being willing to be with me, Jesus‚ and love me and talk with me, even when I've been so bad. Please forgive me.

280. (Jesus speaking: ) My dear, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the battles, the depression, the weight of condemnation and hopelessness of the Enemy. He's on the attack and he'll try to hit you in your weakest area. Even if you've been progressing and getting stronger, he still tries to hit you where you're weak, because then he knows he can get you discouraged. He tries to get you to lose hope—hope for change, hope for victories, hope for solutions, hope for grace.

281. That's why he pulls back sometimes, so you don't have so many battles for a while, and then he hits you harder than ever! He knows that that type of attack will have a much more discouraging effect because it makes you think, "Wow, if I can get this out of it with almost no provocation, no reason, and when things were going so well, then there must be no hope for me. I might as well give up, because even when I'm doing well, I'm doing terribly."

282. You have to see this as an attack of the Enemy. He wants you to feel discouraged and condemned. He wants to drive a wedge between you and Matthew, but most of all‚ he wants to get you to quit living the Law of Love. I can't express clearly enough how much the Enemy hates the Law of Love. He hates the love that is shared, the unity it brings, the intimate loving of Me one with another, the way it strengthens those who share such love. He knows the power of living the Law of Love, so of course he tries to come in through jealousy, division, misunder­stand­ings, and resentment.

283. So you have to recognize that it's the Enemy and you have to fight! The best way to fight is not in silence, but through asking for prayer. If it's too much for you to ask Matthew to pray for you‚ ask someone else. There are many others of your mates who can help to support you. These really big spiritual attacks can't be fought alone. You need help. You need ­others. You need to strengthen the force field around you. So when you're hit, ask for prayer, and the sooner the better.

284. Don't feel too bad about your bad reactions and bad attitudes, because this is a war and there are attacks. You suffered a big attack of the Enemy and you feel wounded, weakened. But you shouldn't overreact or think there's no hope, or that you're destined to fail, that it's only a matter of time before you can't take it any­more. You can do all things through Me, your Lover, and the One Who holds you up in time of need. So don't listen to the lies of the Enemy when he tells you that this will just go on and on until you finally crack and just run out the door. Don't listen to the Enemy when he tells you it's unfair, it's too much‚ it's too "permanent." You have to fix your eyes on Me and My promises, and I tell you clearly that it's not too much, it's not impossible, you can do it.

285. You just have to promise Me that you won't quit, you won't become weary in well doing. You've got to keep going, keep giving, keep sacrificing, no matter what the cost. It's absolutely necessary to your spiritual well–being and to your sample to others. It's part of the requirement for your ministry. You must have nothing in reserve. You must have given all.

286. I know you've given all. You've surrendered all on the altar of sacrifice. But when the Devil tempts you to pick it up, or even to run away from that special altar, you must stand firm and give no place to him. He's a liar and a destroyer. He's the enemy of your life, marriage, love, and ministry. He's the destroyer of your testimony. So he is the culprit! Fight him! Attack him! Take your frustrations out on him!

287. I know you realized this was an attack of the Enemy because it was everything bad and nothing good. Of course you could sense the Devil bombarding your mind with his negative propaganda‚ but what you must learn is that when it becomes too much for you, you must call for the help of others. There will be times when it is too much for you. But as you know, one can chase a thousand, but two can put ten thousand to flight. So fight together. Call for help. Make your needs and battles known. Don't just be quiet in an attempt to not voice the Devil's thoughts. You must be more aggressive, more militant, and fight!

288. As far as the needs you feel you have, which makes you feel resentful toward Matthew‚ you must realize that most of your needs are being met—not only from Matthew, but also from Me, Mama, and your many friends. Many of your needs for communication, companionship, friendship, fellow­ship, someone to do fun activities with and so on can also be met by women. I am merciful, I know your nature and your makeup—physical, spiritual and emotional—and I will see to it that you have all that you need. I will make up the difference of what you give to others, sometimes from the most un­expected avenues. So trust Me for what you need. I delight in giving you the desires of your heart.

289. Delight yourself in Me, My darling. I am your First Love, and as you sense My presence more completely and constantly, you will feel more and more fulfilled in our love affair—your greatest love affair. I love you as none other, so trust Me, sweet one. I will give you what you need from many means. I long for you to continue to feel My love richly and abundantly, so you'll be content and fulfilled in My love, and a good, strong channel of hope, positiveness, trust, and understanding not only toward ­others, but especially in your work.

290. You must stay strongly attached to My love‚ and happy in My love‚ knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I fill all the empties and I reward a cheerful giver. You might not feel very cheerful in your giving, due to your battles, but you are cheerful in that you delight to do My will, even if you carry on through your tears.

291. You'll never lose by giving, so give freely and without condition, My love. As you give to others, I will give to you. I've given to you so abundantly and will continue to do so. Sometimes you lose sight of the gifts of My love when you're under fire by the Enemy, but if you take the time to hear My voice and get My perspective, I will renew your understanding and appreciation of My rewards of love in your life.

292. Don't feel condemned, My love, for your bad attitudes and for being out of it. These are growing pains, and you're indeed growing, even if you can't see it sometimes, or you feel that you're shrinking in your victory. These are ­minor setbacks, temporary losses, but with these lessons and your renewed courage, you'll quickly not only overtake where you were before‚ but go even further.

293. I love you, My darling. Keep fighting! I'm always here for you. (End of message from Jesus)

Thank-you Notes from

The Women Matthew Shared With

294. Before closing this testimony, I want to acknowledge that all the dear women I've shared Matthew with have been very sweet and appreciative. They've gone out of their way to try to make it easy for me. They've always, without exception, been respectful, caring, and have shown a lot of love to me too. They haven't done anything behind my back, haven't been blatantly flirtatious or unloving in any way, and this has given me perfect peace that no one is trying to steal my husband or deliberately hurt me. They've cheerfully respected the boundaries set by the Lord in the "Law of Love" series.

295. It made a world of difference in my being willing to give to these dear women when I knew they not only needed it, but appreciated it and accepted the gift of love as coming not only from Matthew, but from me as well. Here are some examples of notes of appreciation I received. Taking time to express thanks and love for the mate of the one you're sharing with goes a long way to help things work well. You'll notice that these notes were prayerfully written, so as not to give too many details or "raving reviews" on how "great" the date was—which‚ by the way, is a very loving thing to do.

296. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing Matthew with me last night. We had a very sweet time‚ made even more precious because I know it was given with so much love from you, too! It means a lot to me that you not only share him, but are so sweet about it and so willing, letting me know that I can always ask if I have a need. I love you and appreciate you!

297. I just wanted to say, from the depths of my heart‚ a very big thank you for sharing so sweetly the dear one so close to your heart. It's amazing the way Jesus' love can reach right through somebody and touch me with His love, and your giving made this possible. I felt so very loved by you both and Jesus. It really brought a taste of Heaven to me, especially since I've been having some personal battles.

298. As you know, I was rather nervous about it all, but in our time together I felt I could just relax and was loved up sweetly without having to put forth a ton of effort and struggle against my shyness. It was just a special treat and gave me a boost to give love to others too.

299. And one more thing that Jesus let me feel clearly was that the effort and all I'd given for Jesus, the hard times I'd gone through in recent years, and the determination to keep on going when I felt like it was just me and Jesus alone persevering together, was appreciated and noticed, which of course gives more umph to keep on going.

300. All these words to express a very heartfelt and special THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU! Your sister always.

301. I wanted to say thanks for so lovingly living the Law of Love and how you've given and shared and I'm sure sacrificed for my sake, and keep doing so. In reading over what the Lord wants and expects [of me in the "Law of Love" series], I know I haven't exactly done my part in showing my appreciation or consideration‚ and I'm sorry for that. I love you very much and I'm very grateful for your love too.

302. Thanks for the time with Matthew last night. You know, I've been thinking lately about how much you both have given me—not just occasionally or for a while, but so many times, for such a long time—and it really just makes me admire you more than I can describe in one little sentence—or even a page! Please know that I super appreciate it, and love you all the more for it!

303. Just wanted to say I really love you and appreciate you! I'm thankful for the privilege I've had over the last couple of years to live and work with you, and I look forward to continuing to do so and to get to know you better too!

304. From what I do know, I think you're pretty wonderful; a beautiful sample of someone who really loves Jesus and loves His Word, and loves her fellow mates and brothers and sisters; someone who can take the pressure and smile through it; who bravely endures afflictions and battles.

305. I've also known you to be so giving—of understanding, of consideration, of material things‚ and not least of all, of Matthew and his time and love. I know I haven't shown you my gratitude and appreciation enough‚ and I'm sorry for that. I really just don't have words to express it, nor do I have wherewithal to repay. But I do love you dearly and hold a special place in my heart for you—both just for you and all that you are, and also for the part of you that you lovingly give away. I love you!

Summary of Lessons Learned

306. Mama thought it might be helpful if I could summarize the main lessons I've learned, so here is a list:

1. Take your problems to the Lord as soon as possible. The sooner you hear from Him in prophecy, the sooner you'll get the victory and defeat the Enemy's vicious attacks.
2. Never quit. No matter how hard the battle, how long it lasts, or how discouraged you feel, don't quit!
3. Recognize who the true culprit is—the Enemy!
4. Realize the danger of unyieldedness, and see that you (and every Family member) have a lot to lose through resisting the flow of the Word and the Spirit.
5. For me‚ the jealousy battles were just as bad when my mate was not even doing anything. In such a case‚ the victory was to go on the attack to give and share. But you have to have the faith for it.
6. Jealousy cannot ruin a marriage as long as both people keep fighting for the victory.
7. If you're especially jealous over a particular person, there is a choice about how to approach it; you can take little steps or giant strides. The Lord is merciful and He doesn't set the standard or expectations too high. He doesn't require that you share your loved one sexually with that particular person if it's just too much for you.
8. The non-jealous mate's attitude can make all the difference in the world. It's best if the advances for sexual contact can be the idea of the jealous mate—provided that person is trying to progress. That approach won't work, of course, if the jealous mate is completely un­yielded and resistant, because at least one of the two people in the marriage has got to be trying to move forward.

307. I'll close this testimony with a very moving prophecy excerpt which I believe summarizes what I feel, and what I believe everyone feels who has defeated the Enemy's attacks of jealousy! Praise the Lord!

308. (Jesus speaking:) When you're in the midst of the fight against jealousy and the struggle of whether to accept the truth of the Law of Love as I would define it in your life, you feel that you have no faith. You can't believe that it will ever be easier for you, that you will ever be able to handle the hurts with less sensitivity. That trust and faith is simply not found in natural man‚ for the battle is so great.

309. This is part of My plan, for I bestow an unfathomable reward on My fighters who persevere, who decide to still give all and trust Me, even though they believe in their hearts that the victory will not be easy. To them I give the marvelous and miraculous victory. Then‚ and only then‚ once they have obtained it‚ or a ­measure of it, do they understand that victory is poss­ible. What a treasure it is, and then they wish to proclaim it from the housetops! (End of mess­age from Jesus.)

310. This testimony is my way of "pro­claiming it from the housetops." I hope this is a blessing to you in some way. I pray for all of you who are battling jealousy, that the Lord gives you the faith, grace, and courage to keep fighting! Never give up! Never ever, ever give up! God bless you! I love you!

Love, Misty