6/90—By Maria Maria #134 DO 2652

1. We're often prone to jump to conclusions & misinterpret our children's motives. That's why I believe it's important that we let them explain themselves! We're all so prone to misinterpret each other—not just parents with children or children with parents! Everybody is prone to sometimes misinterpret each others' motives & misunderstand each other.

2. If you have a question, & people don't volunteer an explanation of their actions, I think it's best to ask them something like, "What did you mean by this? It looks to me like you're in the wrong, but I could be mistaken, so could you please explain why you did or said such–&-such?" I've never said, "I don't want to hear about it!—I don't want any `Job 9:20's'!" I don't think I've ever said that. Instead, I've always said, "Please tell me your reasons & explanations—whether you think they're `Job 9:20's' or not! If they're good & sincere enough, I'll probably accept them. Maybe they're not just self-justifications or excuses after all, but good sound reasons."

3. I'm all for asking & letting kids tell you what they mean, or what they had in mind when they did or said something. Of course, I understand that with children you do get a lot of self-justification or "Job 9:20's" simply because they get corrected a lot. But I also understand that it's very easy to misinterpret their motives, & we often do misjudge them & sometimes blame them unjustifiably.

4. That's something that really concerns & hurts me when I think of children getting correction, the thought that they might be getting corrected for something that they're not really to blame for. I sometimes almost cry when I think about that.—Especially when the children are really trying to do their best, children who really love Jesus & who already get corrected for so many things that they are to blame for.

5. All the correction they get that they deserve & need is difficult enough for them, so I feel really terrible when they get corrected just because we've misunderstood them & accused them of things they weren't even guilty of! Poor things! They're already justifiably corrected so often for things. Of course, I know they have to go through that correction, they need it.—And that's hard enough for them to take. But when we misunderstand them & misjudge them, & they wind up getting corrected for that as well, that must really be hard for them to take!

6. There's a new "Peter & Heidi" story I read recently that illustrates this: Someone walks into a room & finds a child picking the cookie crumbs off of an empty plate. In such circumstances the first reaction that most of us would have would probably be to immediately jump to conclusions & say, "Aha! You ate the cookies!" But in the story it turns out that somebody else ate the cookies, & the child who got accused just happened to come in on the tail end & decided to have the crumbs!

7. So I'm all for letting children explain themselves. That way, you won't just jump to the wrong conclusions. And if what they tell you is just excuses, then you can explain to the child why they're just excuses. And if they're not excuses, then you've got the true story. But if you shut a child up & don't let them explain, you could easily be guilty of accusing them falsely. And as a result of doing that, you could wind up encouraging bitterness & resentment against you in their heart.

8. Why would you want more problems like that? Why risk starting some serious root of bitterness?—Something children can get easily, as they're often so prone to holding grudges. It's bad enough that you have to correct them for genuine mistakes & sins, but the thing they're going to be most resentful & bitter about is if you correct them too harshly, or if you misunderstand a situation & consequently misjudge them.

9. Why would we ever want to promote such serious problems as bitterness in our children? It's hard enough for them to get the victory over all the other problems they have! I certainly wouldn't want to do anything that would cause them to develop any more problems! So if there's anything that we can do to avoid or keep such resentment or bitterness from cropping up, like letting them explain themselves before "getting on their case" & jumping to the wrong conclusions, we should by all means do so! We should do all we can to help make it easy for them to be good!

10. I realise that hearing children out has to be done very wisely, otherwise you could wind up with children just constantly arguing & sassing back & justifying themselves. But even if they try doing that, you should be able to handle it & correct them. You're an adult & you have the Spirit of God, so if you pray & look to the Lord for His solutions to your children's problems‚ I'm sure He'll show you what to do & how to wisely handle them.

11. I just think that it's worth it to listen to a few justifications sometimes, if other times you get some good valid explanations that will help you get some genuine misunderstandings straightened out. It's certainly better to do that than it is to not let them say anything, & to wind up accusing them falsely & unjustly, & therefore encouraging them to become bitter & resentful.—And possibly heartbroken.

12. They love you, & you represent the Lord to them, & they're looking to you for fair judgement. So they can be very very easily hurt when you don't understand them or misjudge them.—Especially when you correct them for something that isn't really their fault.

13. That can really hurt.—And I think that most of us‚ as adults, ought to be able to understand that. Children's feelings are so vulnerable, & they're so sensitive & so fragile, I really believe we should just do everything we can to avoid hurting them. Amen?

14. So let's all do our best to not only "suffer the children to come unto us‚" but to let them explain themselves & pour out their hearts to us as well. Amen? GBY!

15. P.S.: Of course, this principle of "Letting'm Explain" not only applies to our relationship with our children, but it's something we need to remember & practice with adults as well!—With our mates, our co-workers, our new disciples etc! "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly & shame unto him!"—Pro.18:13. So don't just jump to conclusions, but ask questions & let'm explain!—Amen? "A wise man will hear, & will increase learning!"—Pro.1:5. PTL! ILY!

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