DO 1909 12/84—By Maria No.17

1. WE'VE HAD A NUMBER OF REPORTS ABOUT NEW BABES WHO JOIN THE FAMILY & WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH OR TWO THEY GET PREGNANT & have big battles about it, which has even resulted in some of them leaving. A lot of our leaders don't exactly know what to do about it since so much of our Message & sample is our sexual freedom & they don't want to contradict it or inhibit it, but on the other hand, they know these sexual relations with new babes can be a distraction. They don't know if they should allow the babes to have sex or if they should ban it.

2. I DEFINITELY THINK THAT NEW BABES SHOULD KNOW WHERE WE STAND ON OUR DOCTRINE OF SEX & SEXUAL FREEDOM. HOW COULD WE HIDE IT EVEN IF WE TRIED? THAT'S ONE OF OUR MAIN POINTS OF DIFFERENCE WITH THE SYSTEM & THE CHURCH. Unless you can be free & share love freely, how can you obey Jesus' Commandment to love one another? If it doesn't include sexual love then you're putting a limit on love, which is unscriptural. You'd have to say, "We'll love this far & no further," & if you do that then you can't fulfil Jesus' Law of Love, you've gone halfway but you can never go the whole way & you'll never get any further. If you're going to tell people to love 100%, wholeheartedly & unreservedly, then it's got to include sex, too.

3. WE PREACH LOVE & WE SAY, "LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART, FORSAKE ALL‚ GIVE EVERYTHING, LOVE EVERYBODY IN EVERY WAY!" But then if we qualify that & say "except sex", then it's pretty hypocritical! You can't preach that doctrine of Love unless it includes sexual love! And because loving sex is a key to winning some to the Lord, it's a pretty important part of our doctrine! Dad has given a lot of other reasons why sex is important, which are explained very clearly for new disciples & new babes in Apollos' new compilation, "Sinless Sex". We've got to give the new babes our doctrine & they've got to know where we stand, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to have to or can be allowed to practice it when they're babes!—Especially if it's actually illegal!

4. FOR ONE THING, NEW DISCIPLES HAVE A LOT OF OTHER THINGS THAT THEY NEED TO KEEP THEIR MIND ON WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED BY EMOTIONAL & SEXUAL INVOLVEMENTS! If they get sexually involved then they're going to get emotionally involved & it's going to take a lot of their time away from the Lord & the Word! In almost all religious groups sex is forbidden‚ either totally or at least initially. Even the ones that do believe in love & sex & marriage, do not allow it at first because they know what a distraction it is. The kids that join these other groups, whether they're cults or an established denomination, usually have to stop sex either permanently or for quite some time.

5. LOOK AT THE CATHOLICS! They join a convent or a seminary & they must forego sex completely! In most of these other religions they give up sex until they get married & finally they can have sex with one partner, their mate. When you join almost any other religion you have to give up sex, if not permanently, at least until you're married. The purpose of the Catholic priests & nuns abstaining is so they can keep their minds on the Lord & be completely devoted to Him, & this is probably why some of the other groups do the same. The Evangelicals don't believe in sex until you find one person you're willing to be with for the rest of your life & then, in that case, they'll usually let you get together in marriage. I don't agree with giving it up permanently, but they have a point about abstaining temporarily.

6. SEX IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY! IT GETS YOU EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED & PHYSICALLY INVOLVED, & OFTEN RESULTS IN PREGNANCY. If these involvements start immediately after you join the Family, then you can't devote as much time & thought to the Word & the Lord & the many things you have to learn & all the ministries we have to teach you & all that you need to get involved in, so I don't think it'll hurt you to abstain for a few months. Goodness, our early disciples didn't have sex for years! Of course, we lost a lot of them because of it, but I think if they had known that eventually they could have sex, then perhaps they would have been willing to stay. They were willing to give up everything else & endure all kinds of other hardships, so I think they would have been willing to give up sex for a certain period of time. If they had known that after a few months they were going to be able to enjoy it, then I don't think it would have been such a problem. (AMEN!—D.)

7. I THINK THAT WITH NEW BABES IT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH FOR THEM TO GET INVOLVED IN ALL KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE. There's also the problem of diseases & things that they may contract which they may not be strong enough to endure or to understand! I think that maybe a four-to–six-month-period without sex for new babes might be a good idea. They need that time to get grounded in the Word & in our Family. They've got so much catching up to do & so much learning to do, that they don't need the distraction of extra relationships. They need to first work on their relationship with the Lord.

8. IF THEY SEE THEIR ELDERS & OTHERS IN THE FAMILY ENJOYING MATES & SEX THEY SHOULD JUST REMEMBER THAT IN EVERY GROUP, NO MATTER WHETHER IT'S RELIGIOUS OR SECULAR, SENIORITY ALWAYS HAS ADVANTAGES! You always have bonuses & special privileges for those in leadership & for those who have seniority. The babes shouldn't be jealous or envious of that, because those are the rules, & when you're a new babe or you're a new employee or whatever you are, you don't have as many privileges or as much time off for vacation or as much Christmas pay or whatever as those who have been around for years. That's very logical & very normal! Nobody should say, "You've got a double standard!" Because that's just the way it is & it's that way everywhere in the World & in every kind of group in any kind of organisation! New people coming in aren't trusted with as much nor do they get as many benefits or privileges as the ones that have been proven faithful for a longer period of time.

9. I SUPPOSE WE'D HAVE TO SET SOME KIND OF GENERAL RULE THAT FOR A FEW MONTHS THEY JUST SHOULDN'T GET INVOLVED, & THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE SEX. Of course, they can masturbate if they want, but they don't have to get involved with members of the opposite sex‚ or their own sex either! We know from experience they can abstain for a little while because our early disciples did it for so long, some for many years! Sure, it was rough but they were willing to endure it because they loved the Lord! It's a good test of what you're willing to sacrifice & endure for the Lord.—Did they join for sex or the Lord?

10. A LOT OF OUR NEW DISCIPLES NEVER EVEN HAD SEX BEFORE THEY JOINED, especially many of those won in the more conservative Third World countries where they aren't as "progressive" & they haven't had the freedom to do it. So I don't think a few more months of going without it is going to hurt them any! If they're already married, then they can of course continue to have sex with their mate, because we don't separate mates except in a rare special case. If someone was definitely FFed sexually into the Family & that's the way they joined & they fell in love with the bait & they joined almost for that reason‚ then of course that's another exception. They're not going to be stumbled by it because that's the way they were won into the Family, so that's something different.—They may be a bit distracted by the bait occupying a good portion of their thoughts‚ but if the bait does its job & fulfils its role of keeping the fish immersed in the Word constantly, it should work out okay.

11. REQUIRING A TIME OF ABSTINENCE FROM PARTNER SEX ALSO CAN HELP TO SHOW WHETHER A DISCIPLE IS DEDICATED & REALLY COMING INTO THE FAMILY FOR THE LORD & HIS WORK, OR JUST FOR SEXUAL FREEDOM! This will also ensure that we don't stumble them by giving them too much responsibility in having all the emotional & physical strain of a sexual relationship & perhaps getting pregnant within a month or two! That's quite difficult for most people!—A new life for the Lord, new lifestyle, new Family, new rules, new education, new mate‚ new child, new feelings, new everything. If they do get involved with someone in their first months & they continue in the Family, then they don't get as well grounded in the Word & in the Lord. They get more dependent on their mate, & if he's not strong, then they're both weak! It just doesn't seem to make for very good strong disciples!

12. CERTAINLY, IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR OUR FIRST DISCIPLES TO GO FOR YEARS WITHOUT SEX & of course it didn't keep their minds off it‚ but at least it did keep them from getting involved in spending a lot of time with a mate & babies right at the start when they were babes themselves. Of course we did have marriages, but not so many, because people felt that it was going to be forever & they didn't want to take that step too quickly.

13. THE TIME THAT YOU MUST SPEND TAKING CARE OF A MATE, KEEPING HOUSE & COOKING & CATERING TO HIS OR HER PERSONAL NEEDS & ALL THESE THINGS TAKES A LOT OUT FROM THE TIME THAT YOU COULD OTHERWISE GIVE TO THE LORD. Paul even talked about that too in the Scriptures. (1Cor.7:32-34) So even though this abstinence didn't keep people's minds off sex, it still kept them from getting so personally involved with each other, & I think it was the Lord, because they were able to accomplish more for the Lord that way.

14. OFTEN IN A MARRIAGE ONE MATE IS GOING TO BE WEAKER THAN THE OTHER. Many times when couples did get together, one dragged the other down & even out of the Family! With one person, at least you know they're standing by themselves & they've got to answer to the Lord for themselves, but then when you get two together‚ then you have double problems!—If you have problems, you have double problems, if you have victories then you have double victories!

15. HAVING TO ABSTAIN FROM SEX REALLY SHOWED WHAT OUR FAMILY WAS WILLING TO SACRIFICE & that they were 100%ers, they stuck around in spite of everything! So our new disciples needn't feel so persecuted if they don't get to immediately jump right in bed with somebody, because as I just said, there are hardly any religious groups that even allow or approve of sex at all & especially not on first coming into the group! So no one should look back & say, "Oh, look what we missed! We were so persecuted then! Everything was so hard!" In that respect it wasn't different from any other religious group. The TMs don't even believe in sex & probably the Moonies don't either! I think they have some marriages. If they get together & it results in babies then I suppose they let some of them get married. Obviously they do have some marriages & a few children here & there, but they say right out that they don't believe in sex. Most of these groups, even the Christian organised religions‚ don't believe in having much, if any, sex. The Evangelicals don't really talk about it, but they say it's allowed within the bounds of marriage, so if you get married it's all right to get together with one permanent mate to have a few babies.

16. I DON'T THINK PEOPLE SHOULD FEEL SO PERSECUTED IF THEY CAN'T HAVE ANY SEX FOR FOUR TO SIX MONTHS WHEN THEY COME INTO THE FAMILY & I don't think they should be jealous of the older ones that are having it. Babes should be happy that they don't, so they can concentrate on getting strong & really learning what the Family's all about & learning to be good witnesses & good soldiers for the Lord! When you go away to bootcamp & you join the Army you're not going to have sex, unless you do it yourself, which is perfectly all right! In most armies the women don't come along with the job! So there are lots of cases where people have to go without sex for a few months & sometimes a few years. Just because we believe in sex, they shouldn't feel persecuted or feel bad that they can't have it for awhile! It should be something that they can look forward to when they do get strong in the Lord spiritually, which is the main thing. Then they can manifest their love physically & sexually & enjoy it more & be able to handle it a lot better‚ because initially it could be too much to handle!

17. IT'S JUST LIKE SYSTEM NEWLYWEDS WHO HAVE A CHILD IMMEDIATELY, THEIR MARRIAGES OFTEN GET PRETTY TOTTERY & A LOT OF THEM EVEN BREAK UP BECAUSE THEY CAN'T HANDLE EVERYTHING THAT IT ENTAILS ALL AT ONCE! They're going to night school or going to college, they're holding a job & trying to raise a child & that could be too much! They can't be single-minded because they have too much responsibility! The less responsibility you have & the more single-minded you can be, the better. Our biggest responsibility is learning the Word, learning to be strong Christians & strong soldiers for the Lord! We're supposed to be an Army & learn strict obedience & dedication & yieldedness to the Lord & we're not supposed to have a lot of other distractions!

18. THE NEW DISCIPLES WHO HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN THE SYSTEM PROBABLY WON'T MIND WAITING A FEW MORE MONTHS‚ they might even be happy to wait, because people that haven't had sex are a little bit scared sometimes to get involved. The ones who have had sex in the World are usually a little bit sick & fed-up with it anyway & they might be just as happy to wait a little while & get their mind on something else. Of course the people who have been fished into the Family & won to the Family through sex & have fallen in love with whoever's won them, are an exception. The sex is a part of their continuing witness‚ in a way, & that's a little bit different‚ so there are a few exceptions that have to be made in that case. If a married couple joins the Family together, then that is not quite so much a distraction, they're already used to each other, they know each other & they're not going to be so distracted.

19. BUT FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS JUST JOINED & WHO HAS NEVER HAD SEX, WHY SHOULD WE BURDEN THEM WITH SOMETHING THAT'S SUCH A BIG RESPONSIBILITY & SUCH A DISTRACTION when we're really trying to get them in the Word & really make them strong in the Lord? We've lost a lot of babes by letting them get involved & fall in love with somebody that didn't return their love, & they were heartbroken over it, or they got pregnant & weren't spiritually ready or strong enough to handle it. I think they would have done better if they weren't so distracted & if they could have waited until they were stronger & more grounded in the Word & the Lord & the Family. (Amen!—D.)

20. WE'RE AN ARMY & WHEN BABES JOIN THEY NEED TO GO THROUGH THEIR INITIAL TRAINING & BOOTCAMP WITHOUT THE COMPLICATIONS OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS. They need time to fall in love with Jesus & the Word first, then later when they are stronger they can be trusted with the added blessing of sexual fellowship.

(AMEN! GBY!—Our original requirement was six months of living & working together before loving together! I think it's still a good idea! Amen.—In Jesus' name, amen!—Love‚ D.)

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family