Child Discipline

Dad
May 23, 2003

DO 17103/76

[HomeARC note (9/98): The Charter is the current source of Family policy and rules regarding the discipline of minors.]

(Talk given to Sara when David was 1-1/2 years old)

1. YOU NEED TO USE SOMETHING TO PUNISH KIDS THAT DOESN'T INJURE THEM ANY, BUT HURTS. You've got to find something that will really hurt, but just the skin, which is not really going to injure. It's got to be a certain [tool] they always know is the [tool] of retribution.

2. MY MOTHER ALWAYS HAD A LITTLE SWITCH HANDY, like off the tree, a little tree branch. And brother, did that sting! Let me tell you, I'll never forget that! It really stung! My Father frequently used his hand; he'd put me over his knee & spank away with his hand‚ or his belt. When it came to the belt I knew I really had had it, that really really hurt! It mostly hurt my feelings, but it hurt!

3. WHEN I HAD MY FIRST CHILDREN, WE ALWAYS LIVED IN CLIMATES THAT WERE SO WARM THERE WERE OODLES OF FLIES & ALL KIND OF FLY SWATTERS everywhere, I always made it a policy to keep a fly swatter in every room!

4. I THINK DAVIDITO KNOWS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, he's going swatting the flowers now with his rake! He's saying‚ "They're saying I'm a bad boy‚ they're talking about me. So I'll just go out & be a bad boy!"

5. NOW OF COURSE THE THREAT OF PUNISHMENT IS ONE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE DETERRENTS. If he's putting up a big unnecessary fuss when you're changing him say, "I'm going to spank you!" & raise up your hand & show him you're going to swat him next time if he doesn't stop! And when he sees what you're going to do, he should desist. Then of course, if he keeps persisting then just swat him. It just seems to me it's sort of instinctive what you should do, really, I just used to give them what I felt like giving them‚ what they deserved‚ with love and with reason, but there's nothing wrong with being a little angry & giving a good swat. The Lord gets angry with us & gives us a good swat once in awhile. But Dito needs to know what the meaning of your anger is, that you don't like it.

8. YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A FLY SWATTER OR A LITTLE STICK OR BELT, something they know really hurts. Even a belt doesn't hurt like fly swatter. It traps too much air under it when you swat with it—it just makes a lot of noise, a big pop.

9. FOR LITTLE THINGS THE KIDS DID WITH THEIR HANDS I JUST TOOK THEIR HAND IN MINE & SWATTED IT REAL HARD like that. Take their hand right in yours, palm down & spank it real hard. You're supporting their palm so you're not [causing damage]. You lay it out flat in your hand & bam!

10. IF HE SAYS SOMETHING NAUGHTY OR DOES SOMETHING NAUGHTY WITH HIS MOUTH, spitting out his food, real naughty like sticking dirt in his mouth or something he's not supposed to put in his mouth, you can slap his mouth.

11. ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS YOU CAN DO, WHICH USED OR BE A COMMON PRACTICE, IS BOX THEM ON THE EAR, & many a child's eardrum has been broken that way. That's the way Thomas Edison lost his hearing, he was almost stone deaf. When he was a newspaper boy, he had a boss that boxed his ears & broke both eardrums. I have a broken eardrum, it was ruptured, but it still works. So I don't hear very well out of this ear‚ but the other side overcompensated for it & my hearing on this side is so sensitive I normally can't even hold a telephone to it. Don't ever hit a child on the side of the head where the ears are.

12. YOU'RE BIG ENOUGH & HE'S SMALL ENOUGH THAT A GOOD SMACK ON THE BEHIND WITH THE FLAT OF YOUR HAND WON'T HURT HIM ANY‚ but he'll get the point that it's force in the right direction. Just the threat of your hand—let him see your hand, that it's going to descend next—that's usually all it takes, & you usually don't have to actually do it. The hand is your most natural weapon‚ & the fly swatter was the last resort because that thing really hurt the most of all. Of course, it was something hard to find, you had to find one first.

13. AND OF COURSE A GOOD HARD SLAP ON THE HAND WORKS TOO, laying his hand flat to watch you don't break a finger or something. Just grab his hand like this, hold the wrist with your thumb and forefinger so he can't move it or pull away & then you spank it, whammy‚ like that, real hard! First of all you threaten, "No more or I'm going to spank your hand if you do that again!" And the next time, sock it to him! But first show him you're going to do it, you mean business, remind him what's going to happen.

14. HE CAN'T ALWAYS OPEN UP EVERYTHING HE WANTS TO OPEN. Every time he comes in our room he wants my cologne bottle, & the first thing he wants to do is open it. Well, first thing we do is open it for him & put a little on his hand & ears & put it on & show what it's for & put the bottlecap back on tight. But he's not usually satisfied with that, that just stalls him for a minute. Then he wants it opened & of course he wants to drink it! So I say‚ "No, you cannot have it open, that's all there is to it‚" & he makes quite a fuss sometimes. But finally he gets the point & we give him something else.

15. HE HAS TO KNOW THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS HE CANNOT DO, that's all. He's at the age where he's going to be wilful & want to have his own way. Usually he's very obedient, it's amazing to see how obedient he is. But sometimes children get in a stubborn mood, it's a spiritual thing & they don't want to do anything they're supposed to do.

17. (SARA: WHEN DO YOU THINK IS A GOOD TIME TO SAY A LITTLE PRAYER WITH THEM?) It depends on how you feel led by the Spirit. My Mother & Dad always used to pray with us before they spanked us, I wished they'd get it over with myself. All that prayer & lecture bothered me worse than the spanking! But that's what I needed, so that's what I got. My Mother would sit down & cry with the [switch] in her hands, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you," & I believed it. I never believed my Father when he said that, but my Mother really did cry when she had to spank me, and that really bothered me. Kids are smart‚ they don't really want you to feel real bad or real hurt, but sometimes a few tears when they get older, that really bothers them, knowing that they really hurt you enough to make you cry.

19. IN A CASE LIKE THIS CHAIR, IF HE'S NOT ACTUALLY HURTING IT OR DAMAGING IT, THEN IT'S ALL RIGHT TO LET HIM PLAY WITH IT. But if you see he's getting too rough with it, then you've got to say, "No, no! Not so rough!", or I like to use the word "easy." It always bothered me to use the word "careful" because the Bible says "be careful for nothing"! Ha!

12/83

21. I DO THINK WE OUGHT TO GET UP A LIST OF STANDARD RULES OF CHASTISEMENTS OR PUNISHMENTS FOR CHILDREN. You know, like if they said anything naughty I washed their mouth out with soap. I always believed in punishing the offending member‚ & if they hit somebody I'd smack their hand that they hit with. If they bopped them over the head with something. I'd bop them over the head with it to see how it felt!

23. MY MOTHER & FATHER USED TO GIVE SPANKINGS WITH THEIR HAND, THEIR HAND WAS THE HANDIEST THING, you've always got a hand with you! Just a good wallop on the backside can usually do the trick, very handy. But with my Mother what I really feared was those little switches. She used to make me go out in the yard & pick one off the tree, a branch off the tree, & with my kids when they were small it was the fly swatter with a wire handle, & that could sting! I mean it could sting! It didn't leave any permanent injuries. Faithy was such a good girl she hardly ever got any spankings. It was the other ones that were a problem.

25. ANYHOW, TRY TO FIT THE PUNISHMENT TO THE CRIME!—PUNISH THE OFFENDING MEMBER firmly & surely, after fair warning & threats, so they know what's coming if they persist.—And do it consistently without fail so they'll know they've always surely & certainly got it coming if they do the thing you warned'm not to.

26. BE SURE YOUR FIRST ADMONITION IS LOVING, GENTLE & PRAYERFUL & WITH A GOOD REASON‚ a cheerful warning as to why. But if they persist‚ sock it to'm!—But never with such harsh or severe force as to actually injure, only hurt. Do it in love as the Lord does (Heb.12).—And if you really love them, & they know it & love you, they'll eventually keep your commandments! (Jn.14:15)—And everybody will be happier in the end!—Amen?