Maria
April 7, 2003
—By MariaDFO 13968/82Maria No.1
—A Talk to Parents on the Needs & Special Care of Children!
1. THE PRIMARY FACTOR NECESSARY, OF COURSE‚ IN RAISING CHILDREN IS THE WORD & THE LORD & LOVE! The whole Family has all these & therefore has a tremendous headstart on the World. They can't even begin to catch up. Our children here in this house are being trained to reign & lead, hence, we must bestow on them all these things, but in even greater measure. I've always thought that the constant attention shown to them was a big factor in making them the way they are—such good children.—Besides‚ of course, even more important, the primary things, the Lord & the Letters & love & having this tremendous example of Dad! That's in a way what the whole Family has, they too have the Letters, therefore they have Dad's example. We've been pretty faithful to share all the lessons & I think as the Family follows those lessons the children are going to really grow.
2. A MAJOR POINT IS LETTING CHILDREN GROW AT THEIR OWN RATE & not trying to squeeze them into a box or use the harsh, severe treatment on them that many people just sort of naturally use with children. A lot of adults pour out their own frustrations & vent their own bad feelings on their children.
3. CHILDREN CAN BE FRUSTRATING‚ ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE PEOPLE THAT DON'T REALLY NATURALLY LOVE CHILDREN & aren't naturally drawn to them & really want to be with them. If you have to be with a child constantly it can be very frustrating. When the child has problems & the mother's constantly having to think about those problems when she has problems herself, & she's tired & she has headaches or backaches etc, that is a real sacrifice & a real trial. Children can be annoying & their questions can be bothersome if you're busy.
4. PERHAPS IT IS THE IDEAL TO HAVE AN ADULT'S FULL TIME & CONSTANT SUPERVISION expended on a child, a constant teacher or tutor, but that's not possible in many cases, but the Lord's able to make them into real sweet, wonderful little soldiers for His Family without that!—As He has, & we have many good examples of it in the Family.
5. OF COURSE LIVING WITH DAD IS A GREAT SAMPLE IN ITSELF, & I DON'T WANT TO DISMISS THAT LIGHTLY. He's such a good sample of giving the children here loving attention, like when they're at the table, he directs his attention to them almost as much as to the adults. He treats them as human beings & he's so concerned for them & considerate of them. So that, of course‚ has a lot to do with their good sample. They feel loved, so they are loving.
6. WHEN THEY KNOW THAT SOMEBODY LOVES THEM, OR A WHOLE LOT OF SOMEBODIES LOVE THEM, & WHEN THEY KNOW SOMEBODY IS CONSTANTLY CONCERNED about them in every little thing, they know they're really being loved. Being constantly at their side & constantly available for any problem or any question they have, or any concern they have, of course, they know that's love!
7. IT'S DIFFICULT FOR SMALL CHILDREN TO UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST CAN'T BE WITH THEM, YOU KNOW? Small children don't understand that you have a lot of other things to do, they think they should be the most important thing in the world, & when you can't show them that attention, because out of necessity you have other things to do, well, that may hurt them a little bit. As they get older they eventually learn, they have to learn, but maybe they don't feel like you love them quite so much as when you're with them constantly, & when you're there to always be conscious of almost their every need & every wish.
8. LIKE DAD SAYS, OUR CHILDREN DON'T HAVE TO SCREAM & YELL‚ they don't have to whine or be annoying by repeating their questions constantly‚ because their needs are anticipated practically before they even have them. They have everything they need almost before they ask so they don't have to be bothersome about it.
9. OF COURSE THE MORE CHILDREN YOU HAVE THE LESS INDIVIDUAL TIME one person can give each one. A mother with seven children to take care of can't give each one all the time that she'd like to or all the time that they all would like to have, & so along the line somewhere with somebody you might possibly have a few problems. You almost would expect that with so many kids! I'm sure the Lord knows it can be overcome, otherwise He wouldn't give parents that many children, & normally most of them are real good samples. Often the older children give the younger the attention they need.—And even through the problems they learn & grow & are drawn closer to the Lord. Sometimes children in small families have even more problems than those in larger ones, so you can't blame the problems entirely on lack of individual attention.
10. THAT'S WHY IN OUR FAMILY UNITS NOT JUST THE MOTHER, BUT OTHERS HAVE TO BE CONCERNED TOO‚ & they all have to make it a family affair, & here in our Home, of course, they all learn that. If they come to live at our house, our children are their children & they all take an interest in them. But how you instil that into everybody, like how you'd instil that into all the people at your Home, I don't know.
11. THESE PEOPLE HERE ARE VERY DEDICATED, OR THEY WOULDN'T BE HERE IF THEY WEREN'T, & have so much love for the Lord & for us that we don't have to say, "OK, you take an interest in these children!" They just do, because they have that kind of love & they have that kind of concern. It's not just because they come here & we say, "Look‚ if you don't be nice to these children, out you go!" They already have that concern when they come & they're shown a good sample of how to do it & how to take a concern & interest in the children! But how would you go & tell all the people at your Home, "Listen, all these children are your children too & you all should take an interest in them!"
12. NOW, IT'S HARD TO GIVE AS MUCH ATTENTION & SHOW AS MUCH INTEREST IN OTHER CHILDREN AS IN YOUR OWN, because it's not natural! I guess that explains us here, it's a supernatural thing! It's a natural love the Lord puts in you for your own children & it has to be almost a supernatural thing to love other children unless you really love children! But a lot of people don't exactly have that big burning desire to be with children & love them that much. God's just made different people differently. If we all loved to work with children none of the other work would get done! But even if you don't naturally love other children as much as your own, you have to make a conscious effort to at least not exclude others entirely. You need to try to make them feel good & try not to show too much favouritism.
13. OF COURSE, AT TIMES YOU EXPECT TO SHOW SOME FAVOURITISM & one thing we do to try to help Techi & David to know they're special to us, is we have them come in our room together for special fellowship every night. But you've also seen at the table that Dad is very very good with Davida & really is sweet to her & tries to talk to her & pray & hold hands with her, but we don't have to treat all children exactly the same, just like the Lord doesn't treat us all the same! If you start treating all others the same as your own children‚ then your own children aren't going to have that special feeling that they're important to you & that they have a special place in your life, which they need!
14. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO FEEL SPECIAL TO SOMEBODY, RIGHT? And that's why you have husbands & wives‚ you need to feel special to somebody! If you just treat everybody the same, you're going to sort of lose that personal sense of belonging. Even if you have eight children, you still treat them all a bit differently. You can give each one something special, either special attention or a special something that means a lot to them.—You should try to anyway‚ so they don't all think they're just one more child in the line up. They should feel they're special to you in some way. The temptation is that every time we give Techi something I want to give David something! You have that tendency because you feel like the other's going to be hurt. But you can't carry that to extremes, that just because David needs a new pair of shoes we have to get Techi something too. They've got to eventually learn that we go by needs & we can't always give everybody exactly the same need.
15. IT'S HARD FOR CHILDREN TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM ALL YOUR ATTENTION. So if you can't, then you have to be very careful that each of them does have your very special attention at their own special time. Children don't have too much of a concept of time when they're small. If you give one something & say to the other, "Yours will come next time", "next time" is a long time away & it's very nebulous, & so in most cases if you give one something, you should try to do a little something special for the other one, even the tiniest little token. Because it's just hard for small children to understand that you love them as much, if you don't do something for them or give something to them at the same time.
16. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU DO HAVE TO SHOW THAT THEY'RE SPECIAL‚ that each one's special & not treat your children exactly the same all the time. They have to know they're special in their own way, just like they have to feel at times that others' children aren't as dear to you as they are, because people need that! We all need to feel special to somebody, & you can't always treat them all the same.
17. THAT'S WHY ALL CHILDREN NEED THEIR PARENTS AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME. In your Home they need to have that special rapport & relationship with their parents, not only having a big kibbutz or commune-type of thing where they have only their teachers. It has its advantages, but I don't really think with only community teachers that every child can have that personal feeling of being special or needed.
18. THERE HAVE TO BE SOME SPECIAL TIMES, EITHER OF ATTENTION, OR GIVING THINGS, OR WHATEVER, & they have special needs‚ of course. If one needs something the other doesn't need, well, they have to be taught‚ "When your dress wears out you can have a new dress, too!" When we took David out to a restaurant he would always‚ on his own actually, want to save a little something & bring it back to the girls—a coloured toothpick‚ a pretty napkin or some nuts, etc. He's always been very conscious of that, especially for Davida, & now he's conscious of both of them. He'd always want to bring something back for Davida‚ & in the same way, if you can bring a little souvenir back or just do a little something for the other ones that didn't have the major attention or gift or whatever it was bestowed upon them‚ then that's nice, because it shows you're thinking of them too! It's just consideration & love, just like David would always say, "Oh, I want to take this back to Davida! I want to save one of my bread rolls for Davida!" So just as he was so considerate, parents should be considerate like that too & realise that other children may feel left out.
19. CHILDREN REALLY APPRECIATE EVEN THE SMALL THINGS! You don't have to give them anything expensive at all! They don't know the value, small children that is. When they get older then they may, but not if they're not taught that way. They don't really compare values of things that much. So you take one out & get them a pair of shoes & bring the others back a little toy or something that maybe costs 10 cents, it means just as much to them, see? To them it means just as much‚ & you don't always have to be spending big exorbitant amounts of money you don't have anyway, in comparing & making everything the same for children.—But just get them a little tiny remembrance to show that you love them too & you remember them too.
20. I'M A LEO, YOU KNOW, & THEY'RE NOTORIOUS FOR BEING A BIT JEALOUS & I WOULD SAY SELFISH TOO. Nobody else says that, but I label myself a bit selfish & jealous sometimes. But Dad knows how to handle me very well, & when he's been with someone else he'll always reassure me afterwards, "Honey, you know I love you best & I really would rather be with you all the time, but I do this to make them happy just once in awhile & it makes me happy, too." And believe it or not, even though I'm supposed to know that, that really helps! You could say, "Well, you shouldn't expect it, you shouldn't have to have that said to you!" No, but it really helps!
21. BY THE SAME TOKEN‚ TO REASSURE THE CHILDREN IN SOME WAY LIKE THAT, BY TELLING THEM, "DADDY'S GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT NEXT TIME," or "We'll take you another time."—It's just consideration & it's just love—that's what it amounts to.—Consideration for other people's feelings & to reassure people that you still love them!
22. I WAS REALLY VERY CONCERNED, ALMOST FEARFUL ABOUT IT WHEN TECHI CAME ALONG. "Oh, poor David‚" I thought. I'm sure this is what almost all parents go through, & with every child too‚ the problems that are going to be presented when another child comes along, because they're major in some cases. Kids start wetting the bed & they start throwing fits & they start doing crazy things & it's just almost a major, traumatic experience for them, & a major problem for parents, & I was really concerned about it! I wasn't concerned about them not having enough attention, because, of course‚ David was with Sara & Techi was going to be with Dora but the little attention I gave David would have to be even less when Techi came along. But other parents have to take care of each child & all the children as they come along. I began thinking‚ "We get so little time to spend with David as it is, & now we have to spend time with both of them & try to give attention to both of them!"
23. BUT I'M SURE THAT'S WHAT ALL PARENTS GO THROUGH. "HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO IT? Here's another one coming along, we already have five & we have to give attention to each one & to some extent do a little special something for each one." When you get that many you can't have a little special time with everyone everyday, there's too many, but you have to do something.
24. I WAS READING ABOUT THIS ACTRESS THAT WAS SO BUSY, & SHE HAD TWO OR THREE TEENAGE CHILDREN. She said, "I just make appointments with them. One day a week I go out & do something special with my son & another day I have a regular appointment if at all possible with my daughter & take her out, & we spend part of the day together." And that's really good, that's a reasonable alternative if you can't do anything else. It shows them that each of them is important instead of inviting them both to come to dinner & have them vying for your time.
25. WE REALLY COULDN'T DO THAT WHEN TECHI WAS LITTLE & have both her & David in for a special visit in our room every day. We naturally spent more time on Techi—the baby's always the cutest, especially a girl—& babies always get priority, & poor David felt a little left out sometimes. That's a problem with parents‚ a big problem because they have three or four or five children! How do you see them all separately & actually spend a little time with each one? So I know these things are problems. I don't really know how you do it or how you get around it.
26. I GUESS I'M JUST SAYING I SYMPATHISE WITH PARENTS. I'm not saying I know all the answers‚ because that was a big problem. We did have David come in with Techi sometimes but he sort of got left out for awhile, but we really prayed & I was so thankful when Daddy really was good to him & said special things to him at the table, & a lot of times he'd reassure him‚ "David, I fed you when you were little & I spent a lot of time with you when you were little, when you really needed me like that. Now you can eat on your own & you can take care of yourself, but Techi needs my help & that's why she's sitting next to Daddy & that's why I have to help her." You've probably read how he was extremely jealous, but then finally‚ he sort of swung the other way into really, really loving Techi & taking care of her. Now I think he's gotten over it a lot because Dad has tried especially hard! After Daddy realised what was happening, he really made a special effort to do & say things to David that would make him feel loved & special & now we can have them both come into the room at the same time because David's made it over that hump & he loves Techi so much, & she loves him, & they're really good together, so we can have them both come in & give them both special attention at the same time. If Daddy is directing his attention to Techi at the moment. I stick with David & vice versa.
27. THEY TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER & WE GIVE THEM BOTH ATTENTION, BUT IT WAS REALLY TENSE FOR A LONG TIME because David was really jealous & in a way‚ rightfully so. Not only because Techi was a little girl & a baby at that‚ & really cute—of course David sort of felt left out, but also because Dad has that real, real special relationship with Techi. Of course I understood perfectly, & I tried to give David more attention, but at times we just couldn't have them both with us. When Daddy would get done playing with Techi & seeing her, then there was hardly any more time & he was too tired to be with David.
28. THAT WAS SORT OF A STAGE WE WENT THROUGH‚ BUT THEN DAVID STARTING UNDERSTANDING & Daddy would be really good & explain, "Well, I have to give her my attention, the same attention I gave you! I used to play ball with you & I used to rock your cradle," etc. which was really good. We really went out of our way to point out to him why she had to have more attention & why she was getting more attention than he was‚ because she was only a baby.
29. IT'S A REAL BATTLE & IT'S A REAL JOB & YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO CHILDREN SO THEY'LL UNDERSTAND. You have to try to explain things, maybe even if they can't understand it, because just the fact that they know you're trying to explain it to them will help! David didn't show it in any bad ways, except that his bedwetting continued for so long, & I'm sure that was it, because then when he finally pulled out of it his bedwetting stopped! He was always very sweet to Techi, really good with her & showed her a lot of love. It was almost like he made a special effort to go to the opposite extreme to bend over backwards to really love her, because he felt so bad that he was jealous. The natural reaction would've been to dislike her, but instead he really got the victory by sort of going the opposite direction & really, really loving her so much that he couldn't dislike her, you know? He loved her so much that he couldn't resent her receiving extra attention. Everybody tried really hard to encourage him. Techi didn't need much encouragement, being the little one & already receiving so much.
30. I THINK IT'S A REAL MAJOR THING WITH PARENTS WHEN THEY HAVE OTHER CHILDREN COME ALONG. Not only for the parents, but with every new child who comes along the other children have real trials‚ as they think there's someone else now to take their place. So I don't know the answer except that it just requires extra special prayer.
31. AND IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM EXTRA TIME‚ IT REQUIRES AN EXPLANATION, AT LEAST, like just saying little things or trying to compliment them, "Look what a big boy you are! We really like big boys! You're the best big boy we ever had!" And just a lot of love & a lot of wisdom & saying a lot of loving things to them, because words are real things! If you can't give them the extra time & you don't know what else to do about it, just talk to them! You don't even have to talk to them at length, but every time you can‚ say something that will build up their knowledge that you really love them & really are concerned about them & that they're real special in your life still, even though you can't spend as much time with them & even though you have to give your time now to others as well.
32. EXPLAIN THIS TO THEM AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, LIKE WE DO, & SAY THINGS TO THEM THAT WILL LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY'RE REALLY SPECIAL TO YOU & that you know they're growing up now & they're becoming such a help to you & to the other children, just to make them feel like they're very special in spite of the fact that you can't spend that extra time with them that you used to.
33. DAD'S DONE EXTREMELY WELL WITH DAVID WHO IS A VERY SENSITIVE INDIVIDUAL. Perhaps a lot of other children do not go through it quite so much because a lot of others aren't so sensitive. But on the other hand‚ a lot of children are & you quite possibly will have some kind of problem when another child comes along—with some a big problem & with others it might not be too much of a problem, just because some children can take things better than others & can understand or aren't quite so sensitive or don't care quite so much or something.
34. BUT I KNOW IT IS A BIG PROBLEM BECAUSE WE'VE HAD A LOT OF REPORTS TO THIS EFFECT. IT'S ALWAYS A BIG PROBLEM WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE COMES ALONG who you think is going to take your place! It goes for adults too! Why not put yourself in their place?—Like when a new staff member comes, everybody here thinks, "Oh dear! Is he going to eventually relieve me of my job?" Or a new cook comes & the old cook, even though we need the old cook for typing, may think, "Oh, I guess I'm sort of out of a job—I might get moved away." It's just the way that the children would think, even more so, & you have to try to put yourself in their shoes in some ways, or try to relate to a situation that's similar, even as adults.
35. SEE, THEIR FEELINGS ARE THE SAME AS ADULTS', ONLY IT'S EVEN MORE TRAUMATIC FOR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED SOME OF THESE THINGS BEFORE‚ & they haven't been assured like you have that usually things all work out in the end. We know that from experience, but they're small children & they haven't had a lot of experience. They don't have experience to go on, like we do. We can always say, "We're in God's Family & the Lord always works everything out!" Why do we say that?
36. WE CAN SAY IT BECAUSE WE'VE HAD EXPERIENCE THAT HE ALWAYS HAS WORKED EVERYTHING OUT, BUT THAT EXPERIENCE COMES BECAUSE WE'VE HAD TIME IN WHICH TO LEARN IT. Your experiences & lessons learned have come over a period of time, but little children don't really have the reassurance that the Lord's going to work everything out & everything's going to be okay because it always has over all these years‚ because they don't have all these years & they don't have the experience that we adults have to know, "Well, no matter how bad it is now, it has always worked out right before." Children can't say that, that "It has always worked out right before, so we know it will this time." And that, when you think about it‚ is a very comforting point & one that we often fall back on. At an especially dark moment in life, even though you might think things are terrible, you know that they can't last forever because you know it always has gotten better!" But how can children say that?
37. CHILDREN DON'T HAVE THAT EXPERIENCE TO UNDERSTAND THINGS FROM CONTEXT, THEY DON'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO KNOW THAT EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT. Sure you can tell them, but what does that do? Our reassurance comes from having gone through these things & knowing that it's always been all right in the end, just because we've seen it happen so many times! That helps me a lot of times, that helps all of us! But see, children can't do that because they don't have that experience. At times when I think the world is coming to an end if Dad gets upset at me, justifiably of course, I think‚ "PTL, it always turned out all right before. He'll forgive me after awhile," which he always does! But otherwise, if I didn't have that experience, I'd say, "Oh my God, this is too hard to take, I can't bear this!" But how do I know he's going to forget it & not hold it against me & I'll be happy tomorrow? Because of experience!
38. CHILDREN HAVE TO GO THROUGH MANY THINGS‚ which though small to us, may seem monumental to them at the time, even like thinking their parents don't love them because they give a sister or brother preference in some way. So you have to reassure them you love them & you have to explain to them.
39. IT'S ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT WHEN CHILDREN ARE SO TINY THAT THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND SO WELL, like if you go out that night & leave them. I always felt really bad when David & Techi were so young that I couldn't explain to them why I had to go away & leave them. I was always so happy when they got old enough that they could really understand what I was saying & when I could tell them, "Mommy's gonna come right back," even when I had to leave them just for a few minutes. Young babies & young children don't know if you're going to come back or not. See, they learn by experience. If you keep coming back & keep coming back, then they know‚ but the first few times, even if you explain to them, they don't understand "Mommy's coming back," & you just have to go & leave them, & they think maybe they're never going to see you again! I was always so happy when they got to the stage where I could explain to them.
40. BUT SEE, THAT'S WHY CHILDREN ARE SO MUCH MORE VULNERABLE THAN ADULTS IN A LOT OF WAYS‚ BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THINGS, mostly because they don't have the experience to understand them! There's so much they don't understand because of their very, very limited experiences. So you have to treat them even more carefully & more tenderly than adults, & more considerately even than adults. If you treat your co-workers & other adults gently & considerately, how much more should you treat children who are so fragile & so sensitive! Children haven't had a chance to get hardened to things, like adults that just sort of get toughened up through painful experiences.—They sort of get toughened up & get a little bit hardened to them, which I guess they have to in order to take them. But children haven't had the chance to do that & they're really sensitive & they're really easily hurt.
41. OH, IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART WHEN I'VE SEEN PARENTS IN THE SUPERMARKET just cuff a little boy on the head or slap'm around, it's so so sad! It really makes me cry, or when people don't understand their children & will just lash out at them over something that the poor children didn't understand in the first place, so that's why they made the mistake. It's really tragic! Some people are going to have to answer for a lot because of the way they treated children who didn't know any better! It's real cruelty!
42. CHILDREN ARE MORE SENSITIVE & MORE EASILY HURT & MORE FRAGILE THAN ADULTS COULD EVER THINK OF BEING, & they probably have deeper feelings in some ways too. They do have a much purer love, of course, & they haven't been so disillusioned from the start so they don't have that skeptical‚ questioning attitude & that suspicion that adults do because of their experiences. They haven't had all these experiences so they have a purer, whole-hearted faith & trust, & to destroy that & hurt their faith is just really sad!
43. IT REALLY HURTS ME TERRIBLY WHEN TECHI OR DAVID COME UP TO ME & START TALKING & FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T LET THEM FINISH WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY. I never fail to stop & listen to them, but I don't always have much time to spend & sometimes have to just say, "Oh Honey, I've got to go!" It really hurts me to do that because they don't see me much as it is, but even if they did, I wouldn't want to do that because it gives them the feeling I don't want to be with them or I don't want to hear what they have to say. I have to wait at least to see what they're saying & respond a little bit to it, even if it's just one or two sentences when I meet them throughout the day, so I do try to drop everything or stop discussing with whoever I'm talking to & talk to them.
44. IT JUST REALLY HURTS ME WHEN PEOPLE DON'T HANDLE CHILDREN WITH KID GLOVES, BECAUSE THINK OF HOW MUCH IT HURTS THEM! I mean, we're adults & it's bad enough for us, but we can usually take it & pull through. Just think how easily we're hurt! Children are hurt much more easily because they just expect & have faith that people are going to love them & take care of them, & then if they don't‚ just think what a shattering experience it must be for them‚ & oh, really sad!
45. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH A CHILD TO MAKE THEM KNOW YOU REALLY APPRECIATE THEM. I mean, somebody has to spend a lot of time with them, & Dad & I don't get very much time to spend with the children, but they really, really know we love them! We have to have somebody else spending the majority of their time with them‚ but they still really know we love them, & it doesn't mean that everybody has to spend an awful lot of time. A father who's not home most of the time doesn't have to be there all the time if he can just show that he cares. We've taught David & Techi from the beginning that Mommy & Daddy have to do the Lord's work & we have to write Letters to all the children around the world & we have very important work to do for Jesus & that's why we can't be with them a lot, & they understand that. But again‚ it's had to be explained to them.
46. I GUESS A LOT OF ADULTS DON'T REALISE IT'S A NECESSITY TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO CHILDREN, BUT WE ALWAYS EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO DAVID & TECHI, especially to David because he's older. They're both very intelligent & we always explain things to them. Maybe they haven't understood sometimes, but at least they knew we were trying to help them to understand & that we cared about them. We'd explain everything to them.—For example, why they couldn't be in the room with the adults while they were discussing things, if they wanted to stay. If the children didn't care, then we didn't have to make a big explanation about it. But if they wanted to stay with Mommy & Daddy & just couldn't, then we explained why they couldn't be there. Or if they wanted to come into our room that night & it was impossible for some reason, Dad would go into great detail to explain why it wasn't a good time, & he'd explain exactly why or what he had to do instead.
47. WE'VE ALWAYS EXPLAINED EVERYTHING INSTEAD OF JUST ASSUMING THEY KNEW IT. HOW CAN THEY KNOW IT? They can hardly know anything unless you explain to them & tell them. We don't expect to just take things without some kind of explanation. Adults almost always demand some kind of explanation for things, & children have as much right to an explanation as anybody.
48. I THINK THAT SARA & DORA HAVE BOTH TRIED TO BRING THAT OUT IN THEIR STORIES, HOW MUCH CARE THE CHILDREN NEED—not just physical, they can even get along without some of that, but they really really need emotional & spiritual care! Children need to know that they're important & that they really are loved & looked up to by somebody, just like everyone!
49. A LOT OF TIMES I'VE HAD TO EXPLAIN THINGS PERSONALLY TO DAVID & not have Sara do it for me. One time Daddy got David a little tiny cheap radio & when he got home, he decided that he'd already given David something not so long ago & Techi too‚ but he hadn't gotten Davida anything for quite awhile‚ so he changed his mind & said, "I'm going to give it to Davida." Well it was time to give her something, but she wouldn't have felt bad if we hadn't. For one thing‚ she's not quite as sensitive a child. In some ways she's very sensitive spiritually & real smart, but she's an Aries, for one thing. Aquarians & Pisces, even just looking at the sunsigns, are much more sensitive & their feelings are more easily hurt. TTL! And so I felt real bad because I thought, yes we did give David something awhile ago, but we don't spend much time with him & he's just an angel. He's not going to say anything, as he's always happy when things are done for the girls, but he'll probably feel a little hurt.
50. SO I WENT & SHOWED HIM THE LITTLE RADIO & TOLD HIM, "Honey, Daddy really originally got this for you. He bought it for you & he was thinking about you, & he wanted to give it to you, but then he realised that he had gotten you something not too long ago, but he hadn't given Davida anything for a long time & he thought maybe we should give it to her so she won't feel bad." And I showed it to him & I said, "I wanted you to see first what we were going to give her & to know that Daddy really did think of you, but he thought maybe he should give it to Davida‚ because she might feel left out if we don't give her something." And he said right away sincerely, "Oh, yes that's nice." & I think it really, really helped! I've explained to the children several times, when there was going to be something given to one of the others, like to Techi. I sort of let him in on it so it could sort of be, in a way‚ his surprise to her too‚ so he wouldn't feel bad that we weren't giving him something at the time & so he'd know what was going on & in a way would be contributing to it, he'd be in on the surprise that we were going to give.
51. I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING POSSIBLE & TRIED TO KEEP HIM FROM BEING HURT ABOUT THINGS, like when we used to have to go away & leave David & the others behind. He was always very good, he never said anything, but I knew he might be hurt or might feel bad, so I'd go to him & I'd explain the whole thing, that Mommy & Daddy have to move first, & "Sara & Alf are going to stay behind & we want you to stay with them." Or sometimes Alf would come with us & I'd say, "Would you be willing to stay with Sara & take care of her & the girls? You'll be one of the few men here & are really needed." I sort of gave him a little responsibility & a little commission to take care of them & be a big help to them while we were gone, & said that we'd miss him, but we needed to go first to prepare a place for him. We also usually took Techi first & I knew he'd feel bad about that‚ so I'd say, "But you know, I feel like we should go ahead & take Techi because she's not the big help here that you are! You're needed to stay & help care for the girls & help with the boys' "clean-up crew‚" & this gave him a real feeling of responsibility. We explained that it was only going to be a week or so, & then he'd be able to come, & we'd miss him but see him again real soon.
52. WHEN I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE ANY DIFFICULTY OR ANY QUESTIONS IN HIS MIND OR ANY HURT FEELINGS AT ALL ABOUT ANYTHING, I WOULD TRY TO EXPLAIN. Like when the girls were singing & dancing together so cute—of course, they got most of the attention—we sort of tried to build up the fact that they were going to be the dancers & David was going to be the singer & the guitar player & that he had a very important place, too! In everything we try to do this, I mean not only with him, but when the situation warrants it with the girls too. Of course, for a little boy with girls, it's harder, because girls are cuter, & girls get more attention usually, & so that's why we usually have to explain to the boy.
53. WE TRY TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE & ALWAYS TRY TO BE AS TRUTHFUL AS POSSIBLE ABOUT IT & I THINK THAT'S REALLY HELPED HIM. Of course, I explain things to Techi too, but we just explain everything that we can explain that needs to be explained. If it doesn't need to be explained, well, then‚ why explain it? But if we think there'd be any question in their minds at all we explain.—It doesn't take a long time to explain things to children!
54. EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T BE WITH THEM MUCH, THEY STILL UNDERSTAND BECAUSE WE HAVE EXPLAINED WHY REPEATEDLY TO THEM & WE STILL SHOW THAT WE LOVE THEM. Every time we see them we smile & give them a hug & tell them we love them. And that means a lot, because a lot of children that are with their parents all the time don't have that much of a feeling of love & concern from the parents‚ even though they're with them constantly day after day. So anyway, children need a lot of care, a lot of time & a lot of attention & a lot of consideration, & like Dad said, they are God's work & they are real work!
55. SOMETIMES THE PROBLEM FOR THE PARENT HAS JUST BEEN A LACK OF TIME, BUT CHILDREN MAY CONSIDER IT A LACK OF LOVE. (Visitor: It's a really important distinction. You can really think you love your child, but you don't really give them your time or attention...) Sometimes it's not all your fault either, but the child may think it's a lack of love just because he doesn't get the attention.
56. WITH MOST PROBLEM CHILDREN THAT'S WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.—IT'S THEIR PARENTS, maybe not intentionally‚ maybe even unavoidably. It's because of the fact that the children usually haven't been shown the attention or even the discipline that they wanted & needed! And that goes for everybody's problems, even adults, I don't mean just children.
57. THAT'S THE THING, TO UNDERSTAND CHILDREN JUST UNDERSTAND YOURSELF! We've got to stop saying, "Oh, children are so hard to understand!" Children are little people, why don't we just start thinking about them as we do about ourselves? If you don't get the attention you want from your wife or whoever, you start to be a problem, right? I mean, all of us do! People just thrive on love & attention & concern & consideration‚ & if children don't have it, or they think they don't, or they don't have what they think they need, then just like with all of us, they're going to feel bad if they feel rejected.
58. CHILDREN AREN'T THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR POSITION! What if somebody came & took your place or your job?—Or like in sharing husbands & wives, in a way that's the same kind of thing. If you don't really have the Lord & depend on the Lord & get the victory from Him, then you can become quite a problem case if your wife ends up going to bed with somebody else a few nights a week. As for children, again, they don't know to just "trust" Jesus. Our children have learned in many ways to trust the Lord, but again, it's from experience.
59. THEY DON'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE IN ALL THE WAYS WE DO & IT'S HARDER FOR THEM TO TAKE THINGS THAN IT IS FOR OLDER PEOPLE, TO REALLY GET DESPERATE WITH THE LORD. Just like we had to try to teach Davidito that when he was wetting the bed‚ & you've read those Letters, but it's harder because children just can't understand, they don't have the experience. It's harder! They can feel things in the Spirit‚ but it's harder to explain all those in's & out's & the problems & all for them.
60. WE ADULTS GET THROUGH SOME OF OUR PROBLEMS BY A REAL DESPERATE BATTLE, A REAL DESPERATE CLINGING ONTO THE LORD & really getting into the Word & getting our minds off our problems & on to other things, but how can children know how to do this? How do children know? They feel terrible, they feel rejected, but how do they know to really fight the Enemy & fight these bad feelings? We train our children in the Lord; as soon as they're old enough we try to teach them this, but do we really realise the seriousness of it, that the battles they're going through are the same kind of battles we adults have? If your wife falls in love with somebody else & lands in bed with him three times a week, it's sort of like a new child coming into the family, & her time & attention is now being taken away from you!
61. WHY DON'T WE TRY TO PUT OURSELVES IN AS CLOSE A SITUATION AS WE CAN THINK OF TO THE CHILD'S SITUATION, & THINK ABOUT HOW WE FEEL & THEN WE CAN GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING! That's what I do with the Family always. I look at the Letters & I ask when I'm reading them, "Are the people out there on the field going to understand this?" Or, "How are they going to feel about this? How are they going to feel about this new change?" or "What can we do to make it easier on them?" because I try to put myself in the place of other people or whoever we're thinking about. Sometimes you can't exactly because you don't have the experience, but I try to come as close to it as I can. It's the same with children. But we sort of tend to make a big division & say, "They're just kids‚ & how can we understand them? It's pretty difficult to understand them."
62. IT'S NOT QUITE SO DIFFICULT WHEN YOU START THINKING THAT THE EXPERIENCES THEY GO THROUGH ARE VERY SIMILAR TO THINGS WE GO THROUGH‚ ONLY HARDER TO UNDERSTAND FOR THEM & HARDER TO TAKE, harder to battle against, because they don't realise that a lot of it is spiritual. When we go through a battle, we can stand on the Promises of the Lord that we've learned & we can rebuke the Enemy & we have to try to think & try to understand, "Well, my mate still does love me, but she's just doing this for the Lord." Because we've learned it through experience we can understand it better, but it's still difficult, right? It's still a hard battle!
63. WHEN CHILDREN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THESE THINGS, THEY'RE SORT OF LOST, UNLESS WE REALLY GIVE THEM REASSURANCE & WE DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO REASSURE THEM WITH LOVE‚ because a lot of times you can't even help them to understand, things are too complicated to explain & you can't give them a few years experience right at the push of a button & you can't even explain all the spiritual forces that are fighting them too, so there's really a lot to it! Our children‚ of course, are much more advanced than many, but we still can't consider that they could possibly have the experience that we do & they can't possibly understand everything that we do! Granted, they can understand some things better than adults in the Spirit, because they're fresher & closer to the Lord & the Spirit a lot of times, but as far as understanding, really understanding the in's & out's & why's & wherefore's‚ they have a hard time doing that, & that's why we have to try as much as possible to help them & explain to them.
64. I KNOW IT REALLY CONCERNED ME WHEN TECHI CAME ALONG. And I thought about all the parents in the Family & tried to imagine what they do when their children come so close to each other, one right after the other, to keep the children from feeling really rejected in some ways.
65. BUT I THINK THE SOLUTION IS TO JUST TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE CHILDREN'S PLACE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE & TRY TO BE UNDERSTANDING & EXPLAIN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, to be as sweet as possible when you do have the time. You can't run yourself ragged & give yourself a nervous breakdown just trying to spend special time with each of your children every day if you've got a whole bunch of other jobs. You can't do everything, it's just impossible. So you just have to really pray for them & really pray for understanding of them & then do little things‚ you know, some little thing often that really, really means a lot to children. Some special little thing or a special word or even touch will really keep people going a long time. You have to really think about it & pray about it & ask the Lord for help!
66. THERE ARE OF COURSE REASONS FOR THE PROBLEM CHILDREN YOU HAVE THERE ON YOUR FIELD. I guess maybe they feel rejected or they feel like they don't have enough attention or didn't get enough love or consistent discipline. That's probably the four year old's problem. His mommy turned him over to his daddy & then the new mommy doesn't really care that much about him, & his daddy just doesn't have time for him, & who knows what goes through his head, maybe he doesn't even know! I'm sure at four years old he probably does have some feelings like that. As for the other boy, perhaps if an adult had the time to just make him his buddy, just like you did with another boy, just to have sort of a daddy or a brother to constantly be with him & do things with him‚ that would help.
67. I KNOW A LITTLE LOVE GOES A LONG WAY & NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM STEMS FROM‚ STILL LOVE CAN COVER A MULTITUDE OF SINS on whoever's part, or whoever is to blame. We can't really blame the children, although somebody is to blame‚ yet the poor people that are to blame, really in some ways, they aren't to blame either! Sometimes it's the method of operation or the way things have been done or the way things were done in the Family a long time ago under unwise leadership, or the way the children were disciplined or the way they were treated, lots of things like that. Or maybe the situation was such that people didn't have time, or they couldn't take time, or they were just disciplined harshly by leaders—I mean, there are a lot of reasons. It can go clear back, but of course, if he just started having problems, then maybe you can ferret out the reason a lot easier than if he's always had problems as long as you can remember. Then it's pretty hard, then you've got to really go back. But even if you don't understand what could be the problem in the first place, the Lord understands & the answer is Love‚ whatever the problem, & through His love He can show you the specific solution.
68. PEOPLE ARE SO COMPLEX. CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE, TOO & THEIR PROBLEMS ARE COMPLEX too & they don't even know why they do things half the time, just like adults don't know half the time why they do things! If we'd just stop thinking about children as "children" & think about them as people! Of course, we can't start thinking about them as adults, because they're not adults, but if we think of them as people—just like we're people—then we'd get a lot further with finding out what's wrong with them, because we'll understand a lot better.
69. IN A FAMILY WITH JUST A MOM & DAD & SEVERAL CHILDREN IT'S NOT THAT EASY TO GIVE A PROBLEM CHILD SPECIAL ATTENTION, BUT IN A LARGE UNIT IT SEEMS IT WOULD BE EASIER TO HAVE AN ADULT TAKE A PROBLEM CHILD‚ an older child that is, & work along with him. David at 7-&-1/2 can go around with somebody & do a lot of handyman jobs & he can be a big help. Sure it's extra time, it's extra attention, but it's not that much. With a child that age you can get a lot done & you can be teaching them at the same time & making them feel worthwhile, just like you did with the older boy, which was a very good idea. That "problem" boy can do a lot of things & you can make him feel like he's doing something worthwhile, & not just that, but at the same time that will be giving him a lot of extra attention & time with somebody who hopefully is concerned about him & loves him & really will care about him. When you get that many children in a family‚ I can understand why he might feel a little bit left out.
70. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, BUT I KNOW THAT MOST PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED BY LOVE! I know it seems more complicated than that some times, but it's true. Love casts a veil over countless sins! (1Pet.4:8) That is a tremendous verse, it sure says a lot‚ & love can cover a lot of people's sins & cover a lot of the past sins & mistakes by a lot of people. Just a little love shown by one person & a little concern can sometimes make up in some way for all the rest of the years that have gone by & all of the lack when evidently someone failed, or maybe a lot of people or somebodies failed along the line.
71. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS SAY THAT CHILDREN'S PROBLEMS ALWAYS ARE THE FAULT OF ADULTS OR THE PARENTS, because look, with David we did everything within our power & we gave him lots of time & attention, & he still kept wetting the bed! I mean what more could we have done short of not having another baby, you know? You can't just always blame children's problems on some adults, because sometimes it's just the situation or the circumstances—like more children in the Family—that means they're going to have a problem, but they almost always can be solved by love & concern & consideration. The advantages of having more children if the Lord gives them to you far outweigh the extra problems.
72. A GREAT DEAL OF THE TIME THE RESPONSIBILITY DOES FALL ON SOME ADULTS‚ especially if the children's problems get really bad, I'd say, but I wouldn't say that about David wetting the bed for so long. I don't know what else we could have done & sometimes people can't act any differently. I mean, I couldn't have expected Dad not to pay more attention to Techi than David! Sometimes it's just unavoidable circumstances! Of course people would pay more attention to an adorable little baby than a little boy, I don't mean that Dad went overboard or anything. A little new baby, of course, you're going to spend more time with, so a lot of times it's just the set-up of the situation, the circumstances, & even though the parents do everything they can & even everything right, the children may still have problems.
73. BUT WITH A SERIOUS PROBLEM, MAYBE SOMEBODY DIDN'T CAUSE IT, BUT SOMEBODY LET IT GET TOO FAR. I don't want to say that the children's problems are always adults' problems, or teachers, parents‚ whoever, but if they get pretty bad, if they get serious, then for sure some adult is responsible for letting them get that serious, obviously. Somebody didn't get desperate enough & really pray & try to find some solution & try to give them a lot of love.
74. THERE ARE ALWAYS SEVERAL SIDES TO EVERY STORY & I MAY HAVE MADE IT SOUND TOO ONE–SIDED OR I JUST HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO EXPOUND ON OTHER FACETS OF EACH SITUATION. That's why a lot of times people probably think there are contradictory things in the Bible or the Letters. Some people say, "Well, you contradicted yourself here & you said this one time & then that another." Even in the Letters sometimes there are things that seem contradictory. But in one Letter how can you give every side of the story, how can Dad cover every single little facet of everything, all sides of it in one Letter or in one sitting? That's why sometimes we have to later sort of amplify it or write another Letter on it, because we don't always give the entire picture writing under inspiration on a certain point. That would require a lengthy exhortation covering thoroughly all the pros & cons of the subject.
75. YOU JUST CAN'T COVER EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE! Every speaker & leader doesn't always give everything, the whole picture, all at one sitting, & that's why we'll say something sometimes, & then we get further information or we think of things we didn't say, or the Lord shows something further & then we have to keep adding to it at a later time‚ rather than covering it all in one talk. Sometimes we have to tell people the other side too. You can't just tell them the one side, or they go overboard off the deep end on the one thing that we said if we don't tell them the other! So that's why you can't even really take what I say as complete. But I'm trying to give you all sides I can think of‚ the adult side & the child's side.
76. LIVING HERE WITH DAD WE SHOULD BE BETTER, WE ALL SHOULD BE BETTER & THE CHILDREN SHOULD BE BETTER, & that's the biggest advantage of course, because he is the Lord's Mouthpiece & so we have a lot more advantages & that really of course, is the main thing. Also, the time that is spent on them, because Dad is a good sample of that & we also have the people to give their time to the children, but our kids have to have that time because "to whom much is given, of the same is much also required." They've been given an awful lot, just like all of us, you know?
77. OUR CHILDREN HERE IN THE KING'S HOUSE HAVE BEEN GIVEN A LOT & WE'VE BEEN GIVEN A LOT, SO THEREFORE, WE'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE! Even though they've been given maybe more time than most & some of the best training, they're going to be responsible for a lot more‚ because they're going to be responsible for giving it out & be responsible for leading people! It's not unjust & it's not unbalanced at all, because the ones that have a lot are going to be required of & responsible for a lot!
78. IT'S LIKE THE LITTLE JOKE DAD TELLS, "DON'T WORRY, JUST BE HAPPY & WORK YOUR EIGHT HOURS, BECAUSE PRETTY SOON YOU MAY BE WORKING AS LONG AS I DO & HAVE ALL THE PROBLEMS!" So everybody has to more or less be responsible for what they've been given, & if you want to have an awful lot‚ you're not only asking for the blessings, you're asking for the burdens, too, which aren't always so easy to take!
79. IT ALWAYS REALLY TOUCHED ME TO HEAR THE STORY DAD TELLS ABOUT HIS GRANDFATHER AS A YOUNG MAN WHO WENT TO A BIG BANQUET & FOUND HE WAS THE ONLY MALE GUEST. In the course of the dinner, he was so nervous he happened to knock over his glass of milk, remember that? So the hostess immediately did the very same thing, to save his embarrassment! Now, that's really touching & that's the type of thing that to me is a real sample of becoming one in a way, & sort of putting yourself in the children's shoes. It's really touching.
80. WE'VE ALSO TRIED TO EXCUSE OUR CHILDREN'S MISTAKES & not treat them harshly for them, not deliberately exposing or pointing them out. We've done the same thing deliberately sometimes of "knocking over our glass" to show them that we all make mistakes, or we've told them, "Don't worry, everybody makes mistakes‚ it's just a mistake," & have tried to go out of our way never to punish them or get upset with them about things that definitely weren't their fault, or that they couldn't help. It worked so well that little Techi began telling Dora when she would drop something or make some kind of mistake, "Dora, don't worry, everybody makes mistakes!" She really learned her lesson well & she was already learning to help encourage other people because of the considerate way she had been treated!
81. BOY, WHEN YOU'VE GOT CHILDREN TRAINED WELL, THEN YOU'VE GOT THE BEST LEADERS THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE, because they have fantastic memories, they mimic everything & they're going to do it not only by your words but by your sample! So we've always really tried hard not to ever blame them for anything or be harsh with them for anything that was not a deliberate disobedience. If it was deliberate, well‚ then we had to correct them, but we still tried not to be harsh or unloving about it.
82. WE RARELY EVEN SPANK OUR CHILDREN. WE MOSTLY TALK TO THEM & GIVE THEM SOME VERSES & PRAY WITH THEM, & I wish my parents had done that with me! Instead they mostly just used the rod, justly & lovingly, yes, but without much sitting down with me & reasoning & explaining & talking. I resented correction given in this way. I wanted to be reasoned with & taught as an adult even if I had to have the rod along with it. It's not that I didn't deserve it. I was pretty rebellious in my heart & I needed correction but the corporal punishment without reasoning when I was no longer a little child made me feel resentful.
83. SOME PEOPLE NEED SPANKINGS! IT JUST DEPENDS ON THE CHILD. If we had spanked David when he was bad, it would have been very humiliating for him, because we've treated him like such a big boy with such understanding that I don't think for him that would have been good. Techi has had to have more spankings, but mostly we've just talked to her too, & even Davida. Some children really need spankings because you can't get through to them with anything else. Some children, I'm sure, may sometimes need a real paddling, just like some adults need to be really dealt with.—Some children need spankings.
84. BUT IF MY PARENTS HAD DEALT WITH ME IN A DIFFERENT WAY & TALKED TO ME & SHARED SCRIPTURES & PRAYED WITH ME, which they could have because they were Christians—& I guess they did sometimes but that's not what I remember.—If they had dealt with me that way, I would have really cried & it would have really gotten through to me because I couldn't stand to have them sit down & really face me with the Word & the Lord‚ but see, in my case spankings without the Word & the sermon sort of hardened me because I was rebellious. When you get rebellious you just sort of take the punishment, but you're not too happy about it & you're sort of resentful of it. Maybe I was right in a way about those feelings.
85. I DIDN'T REALISE TILL LATER‚ IN FACT JUST SINCE I'VE JOINED THE FAMILY, THAT MY PARENTS TOOK WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT THE ROD CORRECTLY, but they also should have applied the verse "This ought ye to have done‚ but not to leave the other undone." (Mat.23:23) They should have been giving me the Word & really teaching me, training me‚ explaining to me & praying with me instead of only spanking me! They were sweet afterwards, they didn't hold a grudge, they didn't take it out on me just because of their own anger. They were very good parents in many ways, but the way they disciplined me didn't bear that good fruit. Oh, I was a "good" girl‚ you know, I didn't grow up to be bad or anything. It just would have been a lot better if they had wielded the rod along with the Word. I would've heeded it a lot more & I would have been much more tender & not so resentful.
86. PERSONALLY‚ AT THE TIME I WAS GLAD THEY SPANKED ME INSTEAD OF SITTING ME DOWN & GIVING ME A TALKING-TO! Who wants to be convicted with a talking-to like that & praying with your parents & everything? But see, that was what I needed most, & that was what they should have done! Of course, that takes a lot more time. To sit down & talk to a child takes a lot more time than just spanking them, & time is one thing that most parents don't seem to have much of. So my parents did the best they could & thank the Lord‚ I'm pretty good fruit of that, & they prayed for me, if not with me, & so I can't complain too much, but I know that that was not the best, most ideal way to discipline.
87. MANY CHILDREN DON'T NEED CONSTANT SPANKINGS, SOME, YES, BUT I WOULD SAY IF THEY'RE REALLY BROUGHT UP THE WAY THEY SHOULD BE WITH A LOT OF LOVE, THEN THEY'RE GOING TO WANT TO RESPOND IN LOVE & they're not usually going to be too deliberately bad & they're not going to usually need that spanking. You don't spank your kids there much, do you? Some of them, I'm sure, need it & you have to think about what they've been used to & how old they are & everything. Maybe if children have grown up being used to spankings for a few years, & then you all of a sudden start talking to them, it might not make a dent! Ha! You have to judge everything on its own merit.
88. I THINK THE MORE FORCEFUL & STRONGER PEOPLE ARE, THE MORE STRONGLY THEY USUALLY NEED TO BE DEALT WITH. I wouldn't say David & Techi aren't strong characters‚ but because of their sunsigns they're a little less forceful, a little less pushing-their-way-through than Davida, for example, so she sort of needs a little stronger hand sometimes than they do, but she's a very good girl. (Davida walks in & Maria says to her, "You're a very good girl‚ you're almost a little angel!")
89. EVERY CASE HAS TO BE JUDGED ON ITS OWN MERITS. You can't just say these children you should spank & these children you shouldn't. It just sort of depends on the individual person in the family & the particular situation. Some might get resentful if you spank them & you don't spank the others. You've just got to treat them the way they need to be treated.
90. THIS IS ANOTHER CASE WHERE YOU CAN'T NECESSARILY TREAT ALL CHILDREN THE SAME. One you spank & the other‚ you just look at them & they start crying! Well, certainly you shouldn't spank the more sensitive one just because you have to spank the other one! You've got to be realistic! Just like you treat people differently. With some people I almost have to "hit'm over the head" & with other people I merely suggest something & they do it immediately! It's another case of just putting yourself in their place.
91. OR MAYBE INSTEAD OF PUTTING OURSELVES IN THE CHILDREN'S PLACES, we should put them in our place in a way! Maybe that's a better way to put it, because we have to first try to realise what the situation is from our standpoint to therefore have a better understanding of how to really help them!
92. PTL—WELL, I DON'T KNOW IT ALL & ANYTHING I DO KNOW THE LORD MUST HAVE SHOWN ME, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE! Of course, we have a little experience with the kids here so at least we can speak from a little experience, but we can't speak too much about problem cases because we haven't had too many problems, TTL. But I do know that most problem cases can be helped with a lot of love & that anybody, children or adults, & anything can be helped by love! Love is the answer!
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family