BABY & TODDLER DISCIPLINE!--Begins at 6 months! 10/83 DO 1711
Ages: David 8-9/12. Davida 7-7/12. Techi 4-7/12. Mary Dear 8 months.
1. (TO TECHI:) WHEN YOU WERE ABOUT MARY DEAR'S AGE, WHILE AT THE TABLE YOU STARTED THROWING THINGS ON THE FLOOR, BUT I CURED YOU PRETTY QUICK! I scolded you a few times & said, "No! No!" And finally I said, "If you do that again I'm going to slap your hand!" And I took your hand like this & I said, "No! Don't throw that on the floor! No!"--And acted like I was going to slap it & you blinked just like that. And the next thing you did, you picked up the spoon & you looked at me like this, just deliberately to see what I was going to do, & then you threw it on the floor!--And I did it, I look your hand & smacked it good! And you cried! "How could Daddy ever to this to me?" But it helped cure you of throwing things on the floor.
2. THE MISTAKE THAT ALMOST ALL MOTHERS MAKE IS THEY IMMEDIATELY PICK IT UP, so the next time I said, "All right, if you throw that on the floor again we're not going to pick it up!" That was the first warning actually, we refused to pick it up. So you found something else to throw on the floor & that time I [EDITED: "swatted"] you. But if you keep picking it up & passing it back to her it gets to be a game. (Sara: And then it's all dirty.) Yes, she shoves it right back in her mouth again after it's been on the dirty floor.
3. DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT WE USED TO DO WITH TECHI? We used to put that nice clean plastic around under her chair so that if things fell on the floor they wouldn't get dirty. God knows how long this dirty old carpet's been here! But with the plastic we could safely pick it up again & it wasn't really filthy. But if you pick it up too often they get the felling it's a game & it's legitimate to do it.
4. MARY IS SMART ENOUGH & OLD ENOUGH TO START TELLING HER, "NO DON'T THROW IT ON THE FLOOR!" She's over six months old & you can start disciplining her. I know you don't want to upset her when she's at the table with us, but that's one time she needs to be disciplined, & that's one of the first things you've gotta teach'm, not to throw stuff on the floor!
5. (TO MARY:) WHAT'S ALL THAT COOING TO DAVIDA? You're trying to change the subject, aren't you? You know you're getting a scolding & a lecture & you're just trying to change the subject. She says, "I'm going to hold a conversation with Davida. Grandpa's mad at me, he's scolding me & giving me a big long lecture. Or I'm going to converse with David." You're really turning a deaf ear to Grandpa's lecture!
6. THEY'RE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK, LET ME TELL YOU! They'll test your patience & test your discipline & test your warnings & threats & punishments & all the rest, whether you're going to follow through. I think when Techi started throwing things on the floor, first of all I started scolding her & saying, "No!"--Until it became very clear what I was saying no about! Because the minute she'd throw it down on the floor again I'd say, "No!" Then it got to where she'd look at me to see if that was it. She'd look at me just as she was about to throw it & I'd say "No!" again & then I'd tell her I'd spank'r hand if she did.
7. IF YOU THINK THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE MISTAKEN! I'd say, "If you throw that on the floor again, that's going to stay, you're not going to get it back!" (To Techi:) I'm using you for a good example, so don't worry. You were a very good girl most of the time.
8. SO SHE GOT THE POINT RIGHT AWAY THAT SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO THROW STUFF ON THE FLOOR. First of all we started leaving it there, because she wanted to play this game of getting it back & throwing it down again. I said, "No, if you throw it on the floor--that's where it stays!" So then she looked around for something else to throw on the floor. I said, "No no no! If you throw on the floor, Grandpa will spank!" She threw it!--And I slapped'r hand!
9. THEY TEST YOUR DISCIPLINE TO SEE IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT! The trouble is, a lot of people do that with the Lord too & they find out by sad experience that he really means it. So I had to carry through with my threat, as much as it hurt me more than it did her. "Okay, you throw it on the floor & that's that, bang!" "Waahhh!" But she stopped throwing stuff on the floor. She got the point real quick.
10. SO THEY CAN BE TAUGHT!--Especially from six months on they're already beginning to understand your language. They understand what you're saying a long time before they start talking, & one of the first words they understand is "No!"--And that's one of the first words they learn to say too! That expression of human independence starts at an early age. Of course they hear "no" so often they naturally learn it faster, but they also know what it means. If you tell them to do something they love to say "No!" They know what it means! They just shake their head & say "No!" at six, seven & eight months! You watch & see!
11. (TO MARY DEAR:) I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT & TAKE ATTENTION OFF OF THIS LECTURE, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR BITS OF CHILD PSYCHOLOGY! Now you're being real good & acting real coo-ey & charming & showing what a good girl you are: "Grandpa's all wrong, I'm not a bad girl! I wouldn't do anything like that! I wouldn't be a naughty girl like Techi was!"
12. (TO TECHI:) YOU WEREN'T A NAUGHTY GIRL EVER, HONEY, EXCEPT THAT ONE TIME THAT I CAN EVER REMEMBER THAT I EVER HAD TO SPANK YOU! Of course, there might be few times that Dora can remember that maybe you were naughty, I don't know, but it's good idea to forget the past. You were just a baby, Honey, so you just had to learn. You were an unusually good girl, just about the best we ever had. She was always really very obedient as far as I know--although Dora may be able to tell you a different story. Dora took care of her for her first four years, God bless her! She was Dora's little girl--she even got to looking like her & talking like her!
13. THAT REMINDS ME OF WHAT MY BABYSITTER CLARA DUNNING SAID ABOUT ME when my Mother was praising me to the skies for being such a little angel & such a little saint at some ladies meeting or something. Clara Dunning used to take care of me sometimes at home when the rest of them want to church, & she turned to somebody & whispered, "Yeah? You don't know what a little devil he is at home when she's gone!" Can you ever imagine me being a naughty boy? Well hurry up & say something, quick!--Ha!
14. WELL, AS I'VE OFTEN SAID, CHILDREN ARE THE GREATEST CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS IN THE WORLD & THEY'LL PULL PSYCHOLOGY ON YOU! They'll outsmart you, too, if you let'm. They're very smart. They know more about it than you do, you've just gotta keep at least one jump ahead of them.
15. (TO MARY DEAR:) YOU REALLY ARE TURNING ON THE CHARM NOW, AREN'T YOU, BECAUSE I WAS GIVING YOU A LECTURE FOR BEING A NAUGHTY GIRL! You won't even look at me, will you? Isn't that something? You've been a naughty girl & you know it! Anything to distract attention. Most of the time you like to attract attention, but sometimes when you've been naughty you like to distract attention. You can just tell by Grandpa's expression he was displeased, right? "What does that mean, Grandpa?" That means I am giving you a lecture!--And mostly I'm giving your caretakers a lecture.
16. DON'T LET THE KIDS GET AWAY WITH A THING, I'LL TELL YOU! YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DO! Don't be too harsh & severe, but after repeated warnings so that you've made it very clear what you mean & they really understand what you're talking about--just like the Lord does with us--& they keep right on at it, wilfully, knowingly & defiantly doing it to see if you really mean it, then you've gotta show'm you mean it!
17. YES, THAT'S SO, ISN'T IT? Say so! Say "amen," Mary Dear! Come on, honest confession's good for the soul! "Grandpa, you know me too well! So sorry, my mouth is sealed!" You have your fans, I know. I'm one of you fans too, but I know what's good for you!
18. SO AFTER IT'S REALLY CLEAR & THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT & you know it & they know it & they go ahead & test you again, that's time to apply the hand! She looks over here a little worried once in awhile to see if the lecture's still going on. Yes, I'm talking to you! No kisses right now!
19. YOU'VE GOTTA PUT IT ACROSS THAT YOU'RE DISPLEASED, DON'T INTERRUPT IT BY BEING TOO NICE ABOUT IT. You've gotta let'm know that it has incurred your wrath & displeasure & it doesn't provoke smiles & all that stuff. Then if they do it absolutely deliberately, defiantly, rebelliously & they know it--& at that age they can do that--then you've gotta smack'm one!--After you've warned them & you've illustrated what you're going to do.
20. AND IT'S USUALLY THE OFFENDING MEMBER THAT I ALWAYS GAVE A CRACK TO! She held the spoon like that & was threatening to throw it on the floor, so I said, "If you throw that on the floor again, Grandpa will spank!" Use you hands, motions! They get the point! And she threw it on the floor & Grandpa spanked! Then she found out I meant what I said.
21. AFTER ALL, YOU OUGHT TO BE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE BY THIS TIME! But they're so sharp & so fast, I'll tell you, they'll pass you up if you don't watch out. You've gotta keep with them! Every generation's gotta catch up with the younger one or they'll be far ahead of you.
22. I USED TO TEACH HIGH SCHOOL, 50 STUDENTS IN TWO GRADES, & I REALLY HAD TO BE ON MY TOES TO TRY TO KEEP AT LEAST ONE JUMP AHEAD OF THEM! My classroom was longer than this & only about half as wide, kind of a side room of the church that had been intended to be opened up for larger crowds & they had just kind of walled it off. So a long narrow classroom like that is very hard for a teacher, because if you sit at one end, then the other end's too far away & they get away with all kinds of stuff! So I finally put my desk right in the middle so I wasn't too far away from anybody to get there fast.
23. IT WOULD HAVE HAD ONE DISADVANTAGE FOR MOST PEOPLE, BUT I HAVE A TALENT & ASSET THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T HAVE--ALMOST 180-DEGREE VISION! A lot of people have tunnel vision, straight ahead, but I can still see this finger out here & still see this one way over here & still see this one way over here & I can tell what it's doing. Of course, I'm doing it so I know what it's doing! Ha!
24. MY COUSIN WAS AN OUTSTANDING EYE SURGEON IN OAKLAND & SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, who by the time I got there had performed 2,000 corneal transplants in the years he'd been a surgeon. He was a little older than I. After I was of course grown & working for Fred, whenever I came through Oakland I always stopped by to see my relatives & stay over with them. It saved a night's lodging & a few meals & they were nice & friendly because I didn't come too often. They weren't exactly in agreement with my religion & as long as we didn't talk religion everything went fine, like some of your folks.
25. SO MY COUSIN SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU COME DOWN TO MY OFFICE SOME DAY--I'LL SHOW YOU MY OFFICE & GIVE YOU A LITTLE EYE TEST." This was before I ever wore glasses, & I don't think I got glasses for about another five years or so. So he was giving me this eye test & kept moving these thing back further & further to the side of my head. He'd say, "Can you see'm now? What's my finger doing now?" And I'd tell him. And he shook his head in amazement. He said, "I have never seen anyone with such a broad field of vision! You've got almost 180-degree vision!"
26. AND I'LL TELL YOU, IN THAT LONG CLASSROOM IT REALLY CAME IN HANDY! I'd be looking at this one or that one like this, & some guy over here would start cutting up & making motions, & I could see him too. He'd think because I was looking here I couldn't see him, & without even looking at him I'd say, "Hey, put that down!" They thought I had eyes in the back of my head, or at least on the side of my head!
27. IT WAS REALLY TOUGH TEACHING THOSE OBSTREPEROUS AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL KIDS AT THE WORST DISCIPLINARY AGE. They'd had five teachers quit. Too many of them were little reformatory cases that couldn't get into any other school so they paid us to take them. That's what happens at a lot of Christian schools, they become reformatories. Because you're a Christian school, they expect you can do for them what has been impossible for maybe some of the best schools & teachers & disciplinarians of the city. Well, we can if we can give them the Lord. But I'll tell you, for awhile before they got the Lord, whew, they really had the Devil! Oh brother!
28. SO I REALLY HAD A BATTLE ALL DAY LONG, BUT THEY FINALLY GOT TO WHERE THEY RESPECTED ME & APPRECIATED ME & SOME OF THEM EVEN CRIED WHEN I LEFT! The worst boy in the outfit was handsome, smart & rich & I had more trouble with him than anybody, had to stay in with him at lunch and everything. I couldn't stay after school because I drove the bus, so I had to keep him in for lunch or for recess, & that was as hard on me as it was on him! I gave him more lectures & more Bible verses to learn! And when I was leaving, he came up & handed me a gift of some book that I was interested in, crying that I was leaving. "On our most uncomely parts we do bestow the most care." (1Co.12:23.) He was the worst troublemaker of all & I spent the most time with him & took the most trouble with him.
29. BUT HE KNEW I LOVED HIM, I PRAYED WITH HIM SO OFTEN! He had a rich mother, no father, & she'd spoiled him, so he really never had a father or had anybody treat him like a father would. I was probably the first one that had. He knew I was right too, in spite of the fact he didn't like it a lot of times. I even had to use a paddle on him a few times. I had a nice great big paddle. I don't know whether you ever saw one of those old-fashioned breadboards with a handle, but let me tell you, one whack with that thing & they felt it!
30. AT THE END OF THE MONTH WE USED TO HAVE JUDGMENT DAY, THE DAY OF RECKONING! Most of the time I gave demerits, the merit system, & the guys that piled up too many demerits, at the end of the month, the Friday before the weekend, I'd say, "Well, now it's time to take your medicine, line up!"--Until I found out that one of the guys on that day was coming to school with three pairs of swimming shorts on & had stuffed padding in the back end! As he bent over I thought he sure looked unusually rounded, I didn't think he was quite that fat before! And I [DELETED] said, "What's going on here?!"--And everybody roared because they all knew it & they didn't know if I'd discover it. I said, "Well, I'll just hit a little harder, that's all!"
31. BUT I NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT, WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT IT, THEY REALLY KNEW THEY DESERVED IT & THEY LINED UP & TOOK IT LIKE A MAN!--Mostly the boys, they're the most obstreperous. Girls are not so hard to take care of. The girls were all in love with me so I didn't have much trouble with them. And one little rascal, remember me telling you about her? She'd already had a baby, she was 15, over-aged for my class, real pretty & oh, what a handful, a real wild little rascal!
32. BEFORE THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO GRADUATE I HAD EACH ONE STAND UP & SAY, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOU GET OUT THERE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"--And it came to her & I really wondered what she was going to say. She stood up & said, "I'm going to marry a cute little curly-headed blond just like you!" My hair was quite curly then & more blond from being bleached in the sun, & everybody roared! Well, you used to fall in love with all your teachers, didn't you? Come on, girls, be honest! (Fam: The boys did too!) Yes. I hope it wasn't the men! Ha! Oh, I had some really beautiful teacher sweethearts that I would have done anything for, & sometimes did! (Maria: They would have done almost anything for you, too!) Well, I was a good boy, a bright student & I did my lessons, so the teachers liked me, male or female.
33. (FAM: DID THEY ALLOW CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN THE STATES?) Oh yes, in the private schools with parental permission, & they had to sign permission before we'd even take them. In those days, even in California, which was supposed to be one of the most progressive States, it was forbidden in the public schools unless there was parental permission. And usually for real obstreperous cases where they'd had a lot of trouble with them before, they told the parents they either had to sign permission or it was expulsion. But in ours, we believed in applying the rod, & in my case it was a breadboard! Well, I figured it was a little bit heavy, but it was so broad it couldn't possibly hurt'm, but they could feel it & it sort of knocked'm off balance once in awhile.
34. THERE WAS A HUGE BIG MEXICAN BOY AS BIG AS YOU TALL BOYS, ONLY TWICE AS WIDE, & HE'D LUMBER AROUND THE PLACE LIKE AN ELEPHANT! Everybody was scared of him because he'd been a real rough character, caught with knives & everything else in school, & that's why he got booted out of public school. His parents were Christians, or supposed to be, & they finally tried to get him into our school. Of course any kid that goes to public school in a place like Los Angeles & hobnobs with kids that live in a city like that are bound to get in with the wrong crowd, so he was a pretty tough character! But I finally won his respect.
35. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I HAD TO SPANK HIM! The whole crowd of 50 students were waiting to see if I had the nerve to do it! Here was this big guy standing up there looking down at me like this: "So you're going to spank me, are you?"--But he turned around & didn't present arms but derriere! Thank God by that time I think I'd won his respect & he knew he deserved it, but the whole class was waiting to see if I had the nerve to do it & what he was going to do if I did. I wouldn't hit'm over the head with it or anything, but whisst, bang!--And he started laughing! He just laughed & laughed because he saw how funny it was! Here was little shrimp socking it to this big giant with this breadboard, & it was really funny! The whole class just roared! And I started laughing because it was such a funny situation!
36. BUT THEY APPRECIATED IT, THEY SAW I HAD THE GUTS TO DO IT, & HE SAW I HAD THE GUTS TO DO IT, & I THINK HE REALLY APPRECIATED IT & RESPECTED ME FOR IT. But he couldn't help but laugh at the humour of the situation.--This little skinny scrawny teacher giving him a spanking, of all things, probably one of the few he'd ever had. That's the trouble with most of those kids, they'd been spoiled by their parents. I think he was an only child, kind of rare in a Mexican family, & they dote on boys especially.
37. HE WAS THE FELLOW THAT CAUGHT HO ONE DAY! Ho was coming to school for the first time in his life where there were other students, etc., & he was only five years old. In fact, I think at that time he wasn't even quite five, he was still four, about Techi's age. They were supposed to have a kindergarten but that year they didn't have enough kids for it or something so they let him come into the first grade under age. You can do a lot of things at private school. And he loved it because his big brother & big sister were there, his little sister was still at home. So there were three of them there & we got a special price for three, cheaper by the dozen! In fact, after I started both teaching school & driving the school bus, they let'm come free, besides paying me. The teachers got to let their kids come free.
38. SO HO WAS A LITTLE RAPSCALLION, I'LL TELL YOU, & HE WAS OUT THERE WITH THE BOYS ROUGH-&-TUMBLE & EVERYTHING! During lunch one day big Mexican Ochoa was coming down the steps alongside the building & Ho was running from somebody lickety-split & came zooming around the corner & crashed right into Ochoa like that! And typical of Ho, he immediately blamed it on Ochoa & he got mad! I mean, he has a temper! So the little squirt, no bigger than Techi here, started flailing away at this big old giant, going like this, & Ochoa was just standing there laughing! And the more he laughed the madder Ho got.
39. FINALLY HE GOT A LITTLE TIRED OF IT SO HE JUST TOOK ONE HAND & PICKED HO UP LIKE THIS BY HIS COLLAR & JUST HELD HIM OUT THERE IN MID-AIR!--And Ho was kicking & flailing away with both feet & both fists & he couldn't even reach him. And I came around the corner & here was Ochoa just standing there laughing & Ho was crying & mad! And all the kids were standing around laughing & thought it was funny. Of course they right away said it was an accident, but Ho thought Ochoa did it, so he was mad. So we settled it out of court.
40. ANYHOW, IT WAS A LOT OF FUN BUT HARD WORK! The first month or two I didn't know if I was going to survive. But when I finally got my bus route organised & that classroom organised & they knew I meant business, things began to settle down. I think the first few weeks they thought they were going to drive me out like they had the other teachers, but I was determined to stick it out. I got that verse about "Endure hardness as a good soldier." (2Ti.2:3.)
41. I'D GET UP ABOUT 5 OR 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING IN ORDER TO DRIVE THE BUS ROUTE, & if you can imagine, the first few times the route look me nearly three hours through 30 miles of Los Angeles traffic! The guy before me really didn't have it organised or anything, but I really trimmed it down & I finally got it down to about an hour-&-a-half.--Same route, same kids. But that hour-&-a-half bus ride was averaging about 2 hours the first few weeks. Then I taught school six hours, all day long, no chance to get away from those kids, & then another two hours driving'm home!
42. LET ME TELL YOU, THAT WAS WHAT AMOUNTED TO A 10-HOUR DAY OF CONSTANT STRAIN WITH THOSE WILD HYENAS & SCREAMING WILD INDIANS THERE! They were a bunch!--Especially when I came, because the other teacher just gave up, dear old Mrs. Outhouse! That was her name! She was the pastor's daughter, the guy who ran the school, so you couldn't laugh when you were introduced: "This is Sister Outhouse." You had to keep a straight face! She was a great big boney, brawny, redheaded, freckle-faced woman, a giant herself. She'd been in Chile for years as a missionary teacher in the school there & had come back for a furlough, so they'd given her this job teaching in her father's school there.
43. I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT FIRST MORNING I WALKED IN & DEAR OLD MR. "5 x 5" WHEELER INTRODUCED ME. He was the Superintendent & she was the teacher. She said, "Ah! Thank God! At last I can go back to Chile were the children are civilised!"--And I don't blame her, after I had that classroom I felt like that too!--Till good, loving but firm discipline eventually turned the tide!
44. I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT MORNING WHEN I ALMOST GAVE UP! I was looking in the mirror at myself, almost bleary-eyed with bags under my eyes because I'd lost so much sleep, because on top of it I had to stay up most of the night trying to catch up with them in the textbooks & studying in order to prepare lessons for the next day, then drive the school bus, then teach'm all day, then drive'm home. And they were wilder on the school bus then they were in class, & I had a whole bunch of students, some of them who weren't even mine. It was a handful & I was about ready to have a nervous breakdown!
45. SO I WAS LOOKING IN THAT MIRROR THAT MORNING... (To Mary:) Yes I was, kiddo! And I'll do the same to you if you get on my wrong side!--But you'll know I love you anyway. And I just looked at myself in the mirror & I thought, "Lord, I don't know if I can stand this!" And I got that Scripture as clear as if I was hearing a voice: "Endure hardness as a good soldier!" What's the rest of it? (David: "That ye may please Him that hath called you to be a soldier.") Very good!
46. YOU'RE GETTING TO BE LIKE AARON, MY CONCORDANCE OVER HERE! When I couldn't get'm straight, Aaron would always just speak up & quick quote it for me before I'd get embarrassed & reveal to them that I don't know it exactly like you do. It was a help! Aaron would always pipe in right away when he knew Dad needed assistance, then he'd always give the reference besides, a lawyer of the Word!
47. BUT THAT VERSE WAS ENCOURAGING & I FIGURED, "WELL, I GUESS THAT LORD KNOWS I CAN TAKE IT & I'M GOING TO SURVIVE, IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME, SO I'LL KEEP TRYING!"--And by the end of the first year everything was running like clockwork, beautiful! I had that bus route organised & those kids disciplined & we understood each other & we were getting along fine. They begged me to come back the next year, which I did, & then eventually a third year after I tried the Soul Clinic. So praise the Lord, it was good experience for me & I learned a lot.
48. I THINK IT WAS IDEAL PREPARATION FOR TEACHING YOU GUYS, REALLY, BECAUSE MOST OF OUR FOLKS WERE TEENAGERS WHEN WE STARTED! Even if they were in their early 20's they acted like teenagers & hadn't grown up yet, spoiled by their parents, probably like you were. I'd better not look at anybody right now. Ha!
49. SO IT JUST TAKES A LOT OF PRAYER & A LOT OF LOVE, BUT FIRM CONSISTENCY! You can't do it once & then not do it the next time. Once you miss, they figure, "Well, maybe this next time is going to be the miss again! Maybe this next time I can get away with it!" That's why the Lord has to be so consistent in His chastisement. I don't think I ever got away with anything with the Lord, I knew I'd always get it, & that's why He's consistent & has to sock it to you if you get out of line. Because if you think you can get away with it once, you figure, "Well, maybe I can get away with it again!"
50. YOU'VE GOTTA BE CONSISTENT! You can't just do it one time & not do it the next, & you don't dare make a threat or a warning that you don't fulfil. Because if you warn them not to do a certain thing & promise'm a slap on the hand or "If you say that word again I'm going to smack you mouth," & just to test if you mean it they do it & then you don't give them the chastisement you promised, that's the worst thing you can do! Because then they'll figure, "Well, I didn't get it that time, I'll try it again!"
51. INCONSISTENT DISCIPLINE IS THE WORST KIND OF DISCIPLINE! It is no discipline at all, It's even worse! Then because you let them get away with it one time they feel like you're unjustified & unjust if next time you sock'm for it, so you have to be consistent. Be frank, be fair, be honest, be loving, but be firm & then be consistent!
52. DON'T PROMISE IT UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO FOLLOW THROUGH! Many's the time I vowed a vow I was sorry I had to fulfil. There were times when I think I was a little too severe & a little too harsh & I was a little too quick to promise retribution. If you make your laws too strict, people are bound to break'm! The governments themselves have made criminals out of a lot of people by making rules that nobody can keep, sort of like the Mosaic Law. That's why the Lord cancelled'm & then suffered for us Himself to free us! TYL!
53. SO DON'T MAKE YOUR RULES SO STRICT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY IF YOU DO HAVE TO KEEP'M OR MAKE THEM KEEP'M! There were times when I was a little too harsh, a little too strict, I got angry & threatened something: "You do that again & I'm going to do so-&-so!"--And later when I cooled off & they did it, I was sorry I had to follow through. And they were sorry too & felt that it was unjustified & they weren't deserving of such harsh punishment, & they were probably right.
54. AND THAT IS ALSO ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN DO--TO GIVE PUNISHMENT THAT IS TOO SEVERE, TOO HARSH, MORE THAN THE CRIME OR DISOBEDIENCE REALLY JUSTIFIES. You need to make it very clear what the rules are, & one of the best things you can do is get them to agree to the rules. If we had a new rule or something that we thought was necessary about something that was causing a problem, I'd get the Family together, the kids & folks who lived with us, & I'd say: "Here's what I think we ought to do, what do you think? I think we ought to make this rule now, do you think it's good idea?"
55. WHEN KIDS GET OLDER YOU CAN GET THEN TO AGREE TO IT. They knew it was fair & they were smart little kids & they'd agree to it. Then when it came they knew they had voted for the rule & the punishment & that it was justified. Thank God our present kids are so good we've never even hardly had any problem along that line & never had to do things like that. I can hardly remember when David was ever bad, or Davida or Techi. Of course, I'm not around all the time & you are! Well, I can remember a few times.
56. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME I WARNED DAVID THE SAME WAY WHEN HE WAS ABOUT A YEAR OLD. He was a late talker but he knew everything you said & he knew what you were saying. He didn't talk early like some kids do, he was about 1-1/2 before he really started talking. He could talk, he just wouldn't.--Like he is now, he was very quiet, but you could tell by looking into his eyes that he knew what you were talking about.
57. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME HE WAS PLAYING ON THE GROUND RIGHT OUT THERE IN OUR GARDEN IN TENERIFE & HE PICKED UP A HANDFUL OF BLACK DIRT TO SEE IF IT WAS GOOD TO EAT & SHOVED IT INTO HIS MOUTH! Oh, he was a mess! And right away we knocked it out his hand, brushed his hand off, tried to wipe his mouth, made him spit it out & he didn't like that a bit. I scolded him & told him, "No, no, no, that's not good, you mustn't do it! No, no, no!"--And we had to wash his mouth out & everything. Sometimes they wait till you look away, but sometimes they're real honest & won't even try to get by with it behind you back. So he was looking at me & slapped another handful right in his mouth!
58. THE FIRST WARNING IS: "DON'T DO IT!" You don't have to threaten them the very first time, just tell'm "Don't do it, it's not good!" Let them make the decision themselves to obey without your having to threaten them. "Forbear threatening" (Eph.6:9) If you can, although I've found it does a lot of good sometimes! But the first time I don't necessarily threaten. Then when they repeat it, second offence, that deserves a good warning & a clear-cut promise of what you're going to do if they do it the third time. That was our usual system.
59. SO IT WASN'T BUT JUST A FEW MINUTES & I THINK THIS TIME HE WAITED TILL MY BACK WAS TURNED! He thought, "Well, I can't get away with it while he's looking, but maybe I can get away with it when he's not looking!" And the next thing I knew, poor Sara had grabbed him out of the dirt & was trying to clean him off again & get the bunch of dirt out of his mouth. There's almost nothing worse than a kid getting a mouthful of dirt & then clenching their teeth & not wanting to open their mouth to get it out!
60. WELL, I HAD WARNED HIM THE SECOND TIME: "IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A WALLOPING!"--And I think I gave him a [DELETED] whop right on the mouth! I believe in punishing the offending member. And he really cried because I had hardly ever punished him because he was always such a good boy, nearly all the time, a very smart, very good boy. But that almost broke his heart! I think that was the first time I ever really punished him physically & he just cried.
61. AND OH, DID HE BEAR A GRUDGE! He gave me dirty looks all week & I think it was a week before he ever got over that. Every time he looked at me he'd look away, & if I'd come close he'd run the other direction. I mean, he was really mad at me. He knew it was wrong, but he'd hardly forgive me for having [EDITED: "smacked"] him, which had hardly ever happened before. He just was really really brokenhearted with an attitude like, "I thought you loved me & here you hit me!" I think it was a week or two before I finally won his heart again & he was willing to forgive me. He wasn't even talking yet then, But he could sure let you know how he felt.
62. LOOK WHAT A GOOD BOY HE TURNED OUT TO BE AND WHAT GOOD GIRLS THEY ARE!--Beautiful, obedient, cooperative, they're almost too good sometimes! Sometimes our kids are so polite, sweet & helpful I can hardly believe it. They're almost too good. They'll apologise, "Oh, excuse me, Grandpa! Sorry, Grandpa!" And they're so good about sharing. I'll give her some nuts to eat & she'll right away offer them to the other kids. They're just almost too good to be true. I never had such good kids in my life as these kids! (Maria: And David hesitates to take your nuts at all because he's afraid you won't have enough!) Or he's afraid he might take too many of Techi's, they're so sweet & generous & sharing! They're so good, there must be something good about our Family. It sure has worked on them & they really love the Lord & really know the Word & are mighty good kids & good to each other!
63. I THINK THEY'RE THE ONLY KIDS I EVER LIVED WITH THAT NEVER SEEM TO ARGUE! Maybe you live closer to them than I do, but they hardly ever have an argument. David is so mature, if the girls insist on having their way he'll just say "Oh, okay" like an adult & just go ahead & let'm. He seldom insists on being selfish or anything like that. Maybe once in awhile he get a little irritated when they get into his cars or something like that & sometimes he gets firm with them, but no fights, no arguments!
64. MY FIRST FAMILY WOULD HAVE KNOCK-DOWN DRAGOUTS & SO WOULD I WITH MY SISTER & MY BROTHER, BUT THESE ARE THE BEST KIDS I EVER SAW! It just shows what the Lord can do for them with the right training & a really loving Family like you folks & everybody being good fathers & mothers. It's marvellous what the right atmosphere can do!
65. (TO MARY DEAR:) YES, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU KIDS, THAT'S WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT! You're the ones that caused this whole lecture tonight. I was just coming down here to sit a few minutes, I didn't want to take these poor people's time again, they've got work to do. It's all your fault, Mary Dear! XXX! Oh, I shouldn't do that! I'm not going to make up with you until you say you're sorry. (To Family:) Be sure you don't forgive & you don't repent & you don't release you discipline until they really repent & say they're sorry! Don't you be the only one that's sorry & the only one that wants to forget it, because then they'll figure, "Well, he's sorry but I'm not!"--Amen?--GBAKY firm!
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family