HOME GROWN KIDS--By Raymond & Dorothy Moore
Parents in Charge
Socially Pressured Child Abuse
The mother & father who unnecessarily turn from their youngsters for personal fulfillment or who casually send them away for day care or early institutional life may, without realising it, be damaging their children. World Health Organisation's Early Childhood head, John Bowlby, points out that even the child who is occasionally physically bruised by a drunk or confused or frustrated parent still usually has the reasonable certainty that he has a family & home & some assurance that he belongs. The former director of the U.S. National Demonstration Center for Early Childhood Education, Martin Engel, insists that no matter how we rationalise it, "even the best, most humane & personalised day-care environment cannot compensate for the feeling of rejection which the young child unconsciously senses" when he is unnecessarily sent away from home for care by others. It is this mental trauma that Dr. Bowlby & others believe is more damaging in the long run than most physical abuse.
What Really Educates
For the first eight to ten years at least--until their values are formed--most parents, even average parents, are by far the best people for their children. In general the best teacher or care-giver cannot match a parent of even ordinary education & experience. Dr. Marcelle Geber's studies in Uganda proved that even tribal mothers who did not know how to read or write reared children who were more intellectually & socially alert & secure by Western standards than well-educated mothers. The difference? Tribal mothers were close to their children.
Warmth, responsiveness, & consistency are far more important to the young child's learning than is the parent's level of education. Parents must expect more of their children--more helpfulness, more obedience, more self-control--if they want their little ones to be settled & secure.
Most mothers & fathers can provide deeper security, sheer closeness, sharper instincts, longer continuity, warmer responses, more logical control & more natural examples than the staff of the best care center or kindergarten. And a combination of all natural parental advantages will instinctively or with simple & most modest help usually bring out children who excel academically, behaviourally, morally, & socially.
Danger--Caretakers for Hire
Children under eight are seldom, if ever, able to reason consistently about why they should or should not behave as parents see best, & sometimes cannot do so until eleven or twelve. So a reasonably consistent, continuing adult example is important if they are to get on a track toward sound character & personality values. This is usually denied them when they leave home for early out-of-home care in the group. Children are nearly always plagued with the inconsistency of adult examples when parents share the modeling with teachers, aides, nannies, & other caregivers.
A Special Kind of Socialisation
A common myth, believed by most of our adult population, suggests that children are best socialised by mixing them regularly into groups of children about their own age. Yet if one wants truly positive sociable children who will mature into outgoing, altruistic adults, one will avoid their regular mixing with their peers on a group basis as in preschool or kindergarten or primary school until they are at least eight or ten.
Parents are by far the best socialisers of your children. Their behaviour outside the home--at church, in the market & with friends--will reflect implicitly the quality of your relationship with them at home. To send them unnecessarily to out-of-home care during the first eight years or so before their habits & manners & values are well established will generally dilute & pervert your efforts toward building a positive sociability. This in turn will make your children less secure, more peer dependent, more prone to anxiety, frustration, & learning failure. (Editor: Thank God for our kids. Even when cared for by others, they are taught the same values & shown the same love!)
Children whose parents are forced by absolute necessity to send their children away for care or to school often seem to understand & to feel less rejected than do those who are unnecessarily sent away. It is as if there were some divine hand over them.
At early school they soon find that they must compete for teacher approval, instead of having instant recourse to mother or daddy. They begin quickly to compete for the attention of their agemates, absorb their languages & manners & habits & mores & become dependent on their approval.
Thus, step by step parents lose control, their authority usurped by the school authorities to whom they delegated responsibility for their children. Authority & responsibility usually must be commensurate, so when one is given up, the other usually follows. Much learning failure can with expert remedial care be corrected, but with rare exceptions, when a child loses a sound value system, it is never regained.
On the other hand, parents or surrogates who take their children into their daily activities on a warm, continuing consistent basis until they are eight to ten will find that their youngsters generally feel secure as part of the family corporation. Children fed & warmed at the breast are particularly secure. By the time babies are ready to toddle they can be taught to put their toys away in a box in a corner. They begin to identify with the box, to have a sense of neatness, order, & responsibility.
As the years move on they enjoy working with mother & father in the kitchen, in & out of the house, washing the car, gardening. They experience the highest quality of play with warm, responsive parents who also enjoy holding & reading to them, & who allow them time alone to work out their own fantasies & to rest. Such children feel needed, wanted, & depended upon. They sense that they are integral parts in the family corporation.
Such children are more deliberate & settled, less inclined to be hyperactive. Although more friendly, they are also more independent of peer values as they grow older. In short, they are happier, better adjusted, more thoughtful, competent, & sociable children.
Getting a Good Start: The Newborn--Mother--& Father--at the Controls
Because some children have suffered from lack of love, harsh discipline, & even injury, there is a very strong push these days to establish early bonding of mother & child & that love & trust which are so very basic to a child's emotional security. This is vital. The infant cannot survive without love. It is as vital to happy childhood as breath, food, warmth, sleep, & daily work & play. But some of the permissiveness & indulgence that goes with this idea is questionable.
The promoters of this theory insist that there is absolutely no way to spoil an infant with love. We agree; the little one must have continuous loving in order to develop that basic security which is fundamental to his emotional health. But while true love is selfless, it is not indulgent! Baby is not mature enough to set his bounds. Love sees the child's ultimate best good & is not in opposition to discipline. Love builds discipline based on self-control. Love without discipline is not love at all.
For the newborn, it is training of the most fundamental kind. This is largely accomplished by the regularity of the baby's schedule along with wise, consistent but gentle firmness with all infant demands. As soon as possible a common-sense routine which fits the family as well as the infant should be developed, with the mother's experience & wisdom in control, not the baby's whims. The baby's bath, naps, meals, playtime, & bedtime should be pretty much the same day after day.
You must provide the wisdom & the control. Such regularity & consistency provide the child great security as well as the beginnings of self-control.
Too many parents do not enjoy their children because of their wrong handling from the very first. When the little ones become too demanding, parents just can't cope with them.
The need to establish right habits early in no way implies harshness, neglect, or lack of an intimate, loving relationship. On the contrary, such management demands great tenderness, consistency, & love.
We don't know any babies who have complaints about the regularity of their bathtime, but their naturally self-centered, untrained desires can run mother a merry chase when it comes to feeding times unless she is in control.
What we are concerned with are too many or too frequent feedings which are not really needed, but are used to substitute for other needs, possibly even stomach distress, which often is better treated with a drink of water & a temporary rest from food. Don't feed your child every time he cries. Often what he needs is some other type of attention. Let's be careful about confusing food with wisdom, consistency, & love.
Parents need to provide loving, tender, warm & responsive care from the moment of birth, without forgetting the firmness & consistency which bring a happy balance.
That Crucial First Year
Beginning to See
Around the age of seven or eight months, your baby will like to play "where" games. If you ask "Where is Johnny (brother)?", "Where is daddy?", "Where is birdie?", he will respond by looking. If you point, he will learn to point too.
And you can start reading to him any time now. For many years to come, book reading while you hold him closely on your lap will be a very special time of learning for him, both intellectually & emotionally. This should be a daily activity, eventually taking up twenty or thirty minutes. Teach your child to handle books tenderly, almost reverently. He must not confuse them with playthings. They are not to be piled into a toy box or thrown around. It is easy for children to be destructive & wasteful unless you teach them how to care properly for all their belongings.
The Explorer
When he can be watched carefully, give your baby the chance to explore. He has great curiosity & needs to find out all he can that is appropriate & safe.
With patience, consistency, repetition, & approval for good behaviour, the very young child can be trained to know what is acceptable & unacceptable behaviour. As he grows older, he will gradually learn more of the "why" of things & will develop sound judgment.
At this stage there are inevitable minor bumps & bruises. How the child responds to these will largely depend on you. If you take them seriously, he will also. If you are relaxed & relatively unconcerned, he will be, too. Sometimes he will momentarily size up his audience before deciding whether to laugh or cry.
The Little Worker
Working with you is a special happy time for your small child. You can start with a box in the corner of his crib & teach him to put his toys away before you pick him up. When he starts walking, have a box in the corner. Teach him to put his toys away before he goes shopping with you. It will take your special effort for a few weeks, but your patience & persistence here will pay off many times over. You will be much happier parents & have a self-respecting child--with toys out from underneath your feet & a child who has begun to learn character lessons of responsibility & neatness & order, & of partnership in the home.
TLC (Tender, Loving Care)--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
One of the most vital needs of your child is a continued warm, responsive, & consistent relationship with you.
The toddler still needs assurance of love in the tone of voice, in facial expressions, in words & in physical contact. As he receives love he is more able to give love.
Equally as important as the parents' love for their child is the parents' love for each other. If they show affection to one another & are happy together, the child will catch the spirit & learn to be a loving person. If he is a truly affectionate child, he is likely to become a happy & friendly adult.
Training the Little Disciple--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
Neither indulgence nor overprotectiveness--"smother love"--is the genuine article. Both are basically selfish & do not consider the child's ultimate best good. Genuine love involves a special kind of firmness, discipline, & mutual respect which organises the child & lays the groundwork for future self-control. The best discipline is said to be the fine art of discipleship, following the teaching & example of another--Mommy & Daddy.
Children are best taught by parental example. Work with them, play with them, eat with them, read with them, & when they rest--which should be plenty--you should rest, too, or catch up on those things which are most difficult with them around.
The better your control up to the first year, the less conflict there will be as your growing child learns to accept prohibitions. Make your rules few, but enforce them well. If you do not do this thoroughly now, it will be much more difficult later. As early as eight or nine months, your child not only can understand very well what you say to him, but he can also understand how definite, or indulgent, you are about what you say. He has you figured out before he reaches his first birthday.
You can make obedience a pleasure for your child by your consistency, your loving firmness, & your manner. If possible, let him observe an animal family & watch how the mother cares for the babies & keeps them close to her. Show him pictures & tell him about some he may not be able to see firsthand & how the babies must obey.
You must also offer courtesy & consideration. For example, when you must interrupt his activity, give him a little warning such as, "When that stack of blocks falls down, please come to lunch." The worst thing you can do is to be inconsistent, allowing a certain behaviour one time, but punishing it another time. Firmness & consistency in a cheerful, settled, & loving manner is the key.
Disagreement between parents about the methods of child training or discipline is also very devastating to the child. Privately & frankly discuss any differences in your feelings about bringing up children & work out a solution or at least a truce so that the child does not become confused & fearful.
The Little Rebel--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
When their toddler is about two years old, parents often think they have a negative child. Actually, he is not so negative as he is positive about asserting his independence. Just meet him on his own terms, respect his need for individuality, use a little more wisdom than he has, & you will stay ahead of him. If there is no choice involved, don't ask him to make one. What child would normally answer "yes" if you asked him if he wants to go to bed? Or wash his hands for lunch? So don't ask him; simply proceed with the bedtime or washing routine.
There are situations in which a choice between two acceptable alternatives helps to avoid a negative reaction. Instead of asking, "Do you want some peas?" ask, "Do you want your peas in a green dish or a yellow dish?" Singing requests sometimes work like a charm when ordinary appeals would receive a negative reaction, especially if words like "Let's go" or "Let's do" are used.
The Tantrum Child--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
When crying becomes screaming, kicking, or writhing on the floor, it's a full-fledged temper tantrum. Again, prevention is simpler than cure. The measures are relatively simple. We also mention them in relation to child training in other sections of this book. Briefly, they go like this:
1. Maintain a quiet, simple environment & regular schedule for your family. Fatigue & noise, including loud music & confusion, make everyone's temper short. Irregular meals & between-meal snacks upset the stomach...& the disposition.
2. Allow your child reasonable freedom to explore in the house. Make sure there are relatively few, if any, forbidden items within his reach. These ground rules must be established from the beginning & consistently enforced by both parents.
3. Have plenty of opportunity for physical exercise outdoors to absorb excess energy & work off frustration.
4. Try to avoid head-on conflict by being tactful & kind, usually by distracting the child.
5. Never let yourself be overcome by anger in dealing with your child, in word or action--e.g., shoving, kicking or slapping. "Be ye angry & sin not."--Eph.4:26.
Building in Health & Safety Features--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
Outdoor work & play involves health as well as development of the muscles. Vigorous exercise helps the blood circulate & requires deep breathing, both of which are vital for nourishing the body, & thus the brain, with oxygen. It also aids digestion, makes one thirsty & stimulates growth & coordination of the muscles. The sunshine absorbed provides natural vitamin D, kills germs, & probably contains some valuable life-giving qualities not yet fully understood by science. Even on cold or rainy days, children should be dressed appropriately & allowed to play or work a reasonable time out of doors.
The freedom to explore at this age is crucial to the development of creativity & intelligence, but help him satisfy his curiosity about the World without letting him out of your sight. Take care; he will not only look & touch, but he will lick, squeeze, pound, throw & swallow. He has no conception of danger. Accidents are the leading cause of death in young children. They bring more injuries & deaths than the leading six childhood diseases combined. For example, one-fifth of all poisonings take place at this age. We repeat our caution to put out of reach or lock up all cleaning items, insecticides, or anything dangerous that he could eat or drink. And don't leave one out on the drainboard while you answer the doorbell or telephone.
When you think of how terrible some of these things would taste to you, remember that his taste is not selective & even a small amount can cause serious illness or death. Watch out for lamp cords, electric sockets, fireplaces, pins, scissors, knives, pans with handles which protrude over the edge of the stove or sink etc. Think ahead as you put a constant watch on small objects which can cause choking or lung damage. Even nuts, tiny hard candies, or popcorn can be dangerous. Put safety gates on stairs, & protective covers on unused electrical outlets. Remember, your child is not a little adult!
If you allow your little one a little pre-bath water play in the tub, DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE EVEN FOR A MOMENT. Bring your knitting, mending, or even a book while you keep watch. And if the doorbell or telephone rings, & you must answer it, wrap him in a towel & TAKE HIM WITH YOU. You may be compelled to ignore the phone, but DON'T IGNORE HIM.
Your Child's Worth as a Worker--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
A very important way for him to build his concept of self-worth is to make him a valued & desired part of the family team. Work should not be so much a matter of obeying orders or requests as it should be a cooperative effort for the good of all--the pleasure of a neat, orderly home.
It would, of course, really be easier at first for you to do everything yourself. Yet you should let your little one start when he is willing, though not very able, if you want him to still be willing when he is more able. Let him wash his hands, feet, & knees at bath time. Soon he can "help" set or clear the table, make the beds, do simple errands, empty the trash, "dust" the furniture & "wash" the floor, or clean the car wheels or bumpers while daddy is washing the car.
Start these constructive chores when your child starts to walk. Let him know early that he lives to be useful & to help you & others, not simply to be entertained! Don't give him a job by himself & then do it over in front of him to show your superior skill. Instead, do it with him, patiently teaching him & making up the difference between his best effort & your standard without belittling his part.
The Little Speech-Maker--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
Because speech is so largely learned by imitation, you will need to take special care to provide good models for him to copy. The language patterns you present will probably be carried by your child through life. Bad grammar, faulty pronunciation, & poor enunciation are difficult to correct in later years even with diligent instruction & perseverance. You may feel that using the child's kind of speech in talking to him will enable him to understand you better. This does not happen. He understands a great deal more than he is able to express, but he cannot do much to improve his language if you are imitating him.
The Dawdler--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
Dawdling is a two-year-old characteristic which is often frustrating to a parent. Your child has no appreciation of time except for now. He is not easily hurried or delayed. His patience is short. He usually wants what he wants when he wants it.
A two or three-year-old can be tempted with the hope of going to the store or the park with mommy or daddy, & with some consistency, will learn to move faster than a turtle. He is not very efficient as he tries to do things for himself. Yet his efforts to do it "all by myself" are a commendable part of becoming independent. As much as possible, he should be allowed to do this even if he gets his shoes on the wrong feet & his undershirt on backwards. If there is a deadline to meet, try to start him enough ahead of time so he will be ready in time without nagging or scolding. A helpful device we used for this & other activities which need some limitation was an automatic timer set for a reasonable completion time. An alarm clock will do if a timer is not available. This eliminates the personal element involved in enforcement; rather, the ringing of the buzzer or bell is the authoritative signal. The child will soon take great fun in trying to finish before the bell.
The Security Force--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
If the home program has been regular, the two-&-a-half-year-old finds great satisfaction & stability in doing the same things the same way day after day. He is a creature of routine; in fact, he is downright ritualistic.
Now is the time to teach him to keep his room, closet, & dresser drawers neat, to put away groceries, & to help keep everything in its place. Chalk outlines of certain toys can be made on a shelf or the floor to show the correct places--a "garage" for the truck, a "hangar" for the airplane. Provide shelves, hooks, nails, or rods at his height so that he can do all that is possible to help himself. As much as possible, provide clothes with front zippers, large buttons, & other self-help gadgets.
For surprises like unexpected visitors, a visit to the doctor or dentist or a house move, preparation ahead of time is imperative if you want him to react in a reasonable manner. Explain simply & cheerfully what will probably happen & what you expect him to do. He may not understand fully & consistently, but he deserves your thoughtfulness. In some cases, you should role-play the situation to better prepare him for the event. Pretend that you are the dentist, for example, & demonstrate what the dentist does in inspecting his teeth. Or pretend to be the visitor & help your child learn how to be a good host or hostess.
The Player...or the Worker--The Winsome Ones & the Terrible Twos
Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. He enjoys play & work equally until someone disillusions him with a negative attitude toward the latter.
He really could get along without any commercial toys at all. There are so many new & interesting things around--pans, spoons, spools, nested measuring cups for him to fit together, & all kinds of containers, as well as outdoor things to investigate. He will surprise you by his occasional long involvement with something which attracts him. These objects provide problem-solving situations for him which stimulate his thinking & help lengthen his attention span.
An example of the mental processes involved in playing with water would include discovering that water is easy to spill & hard to carry, that deep containers hold water better than shallow ones, that a sponge or towel will soak up water, that water runs out of a container if it has holes in it, that some things will float but some will sink, & that it takes many cups of water to fill up a bucket or big bottle. Later, at play or at work with you, he will learn just how many cups it takes to fill a pint or a quart or how many quarts to a gallon. As he arranges, handles, & compares other items he also learns their peculiar properties--things we have learned so long ago that we simply take them for granted.
Toys should be few & durable. Playthings that are easily broken teach destructiveness. Both boys & girls like the same kind of toys at this stage, things that they can make do something--push or pull toys that make noise, a small wagon, a tricycle, simple puzzles etc.
Playthings that stir the imagination should have first priority. Blocks to build a tower, house, fence, or train can be made of smoothed wood scraps or even empty half-gallon milk cartons. The creative possibilities of a sandbox are unlimited if a few smooth, safe cans, a discarded strainer, a toy truck or two & a shovel or large spoon can be supplied. This is the type of play which can & should occupy your child independently some of the time.
Summing Up
It is awesome to realise that even before he is three years old, your child has accomplished so much & virtually laid the base for all phases of his future life. Psychologists generally agree that the life-style, personality, language ability, mental potential, self-concept, attitude toward authority, & physical base are all pretty well set by the age of three.
The Best Control--The Exploring Threes & Fours
The first & earliest step in learning self-control--regularity in schedule--should be continued through life for optimum health, efficiency, & self-discipline. The second step, that of learning obedience to what the parent says, simply because he says it, should have been firmly established by age three. The child is not old enough to reason consistently, so up to this age obedience must simply become a habit. Yet, if this has not happened, you should not give up. It will be more difficult than if you had begun right, but it is not too late to make some definite changes--mostly in yourselves as parents. There should be no harshness, but patient, firm insistence on prompt obedience. This is vital not only in terms of discipline but also for safety reasons. A disobedient child is an accident going someplace to happen.
The third step--learning about rules--gradually displaces just because-you-say-so type of obedience. When he is about three & a half or four you should explain the reason for rules & why obedience is necessary. He may not understand completely for some time, & it does take more time to explain, but this is an important step on the road to self-government.
Discuss real life experiences you, your family, & friends may have had that will teach lessons of safety, thrift, honesty, dependability, & other character qualities.
Little Speech-Maker--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Speech is a skill that takes time as well as training to develop properly. First of all, parents have the responsibility to guide the child's speech by their example. If your speech is fast, slurred or indistinct, too soft or too loud, your child will not even hear the words correctly, & his imitation will be comparatively poor. You will need to speak slowly, clearly, & precisely.
Second, you will need to help him speak correctly. As much as possible you should do this indirectly so as not to make him feel self-conscious or put down. For instance, repeat your youngster's remarks in correct form. If he says, "Sally don't like cookies," say, "Sally doesn't like cookies? I wonder why." Or if he says, "Our puppies is hungry," answer, "Oh, our puppies are hungry, are they?"
Also use exact words for colour, size, shape, or objects: "I'll give you some zucchini," instead of "I'll give you some of this." Or, "Please put this road atlas on Daddy's desk," instead of "Please put this thing on Daddy's desk."
Don't let the television set usurp your very important conversations during these all-important years for gaining skill in listening & speaking.
Learning fingerplays & verses is good practice for speech as well as for strengthening the memory & for training the ear to hear rhyming words & rhythm.
A Positive Social Creature--The Exploring Threes & Fours
The young child learns by observation & imitation. He learns all the time, whether we plan to teach him or not. When he is put with a group of little children he imitates them. He has no way of sorting out the bad from the good. As a matter of fact, we know that he learns the bad more easily than the good.
So even a few hours a week in nursery school dilutes your child's attachment to you & causes him to latch onto the values of his peers.
Association with anyone other than a child's family is not normally required. He needs good adult models to imitate--preferably his parents.
He cannot at this age relate well to even relatively small groups of children without strain. It often makes him overexcited; sometimes nervous, fearful, or apprehensive.
Because he is so impressionable, you should be selective about his associates. Many parents have learned sadly & too late how children acquire bad language or habits, rude manners, & deceitfulness. Your child is not likely to be an exception without your watchful care.
Dealing with Fear--The Exploring Threes & Fours
There are children who seem to feel less secure than others regardless of how they have been treated. Force in this case is no more effective than it is in any other part of child training. And as with other problems, fearfulness is easier to prevent than cure.
Your attitude, of course, is vital, & it is better caught than formally taught. If you are fearful of thunder, or of certain animals or things, your child will imitate. An overanxious parent who is constantly warning the child (or others) about being careful & of the possibility of getting hurt can cause the child to be apprehensive even if he doesn't know what it is he fears. Valid precautions are sensible for anyone to take, but undue fearfulness takes much of the joy out of life. Those who, without presumption, put their trust in God's protection find a special peace & contentment.
There are several causes of fear. Some seem to appear no matter what you do or don't do. For instance, the infant seems to be born with the fear of falling. Also, loud noise, the presence of a stranger, or the sound of a machine may startle him. Other fears definitely can be avoided. Premature exposure to what some older children & adults consider exciting experiences may be traumatic to a baby or young child. Fireworks, the circus, the merry-go-round, the zoo, or anywhere there is too much noise, too many people or too much confusion, & many television programs--even children's TV--are more fearful than fun. The trouble is that unless we take precautions about these things, they will multiply, spreading like an infection in the child's life. So a simple, quiet, uncluttered home environment, reducing as much as possible the causes of fear is obviously the answer for the development of a stable, confident child.
Children who regularly watch television have been found to be more fearful of what might happen to them than those who rarely see it. Untrue, frightening stories (including so-called classics such as Red Riding Hood) or gruesome pictures may also cause an exaggerated sense of danger. And things that might not seem fearful to an adult are frightening for a child because he cannot anticipate the "happy ending." We have seen several instances where well-adjusted children responded with fear to something relatively mild from an adult's point of view. One terrified child ran from the room in tears when a truck rolled down the hill in a Disney film.
In case certain fears have already developed, the child needs sympathetic, patient understanding. You might tell him about someone (perhaps yourself) with a similar fear who conquered it in time. If he fears an animal or object that is harmless, talk assuringly & show him how you can touch it without harm. You may encourage him to approach it, but never bring it closer to him. He must work up the courage himself, perhaps over a period of time.
How Work Builds--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Work experience provides a young child advantages in his learning as well as in helping him find enjoyment in working. Work enriches his thinking powers, enhances his moral values, increases his self-direction, & makes him more efficient in planning & problem-solving. Even more important, it is a prime factor in character development. An idle mind is still the Devil's workshop. The constructively busy child is the child who is better behaved.
There may be small jobs he can do alone by now, but in general you should work with him. You & he can make your bed together, sweep the porch or fix the meal together. You can wash the car, work the garden, or make things with him. Compliment his work & thank him. His greatest reward is the feeling of having done something that is worthwhile & appreciated. This is the kind of success which encourages & highly motivates.
Following Directions--The Exploring Threes & Fours
One of the most delightful jobs for the young child is doing errands, especially if he knows what he is doing is really helpful & appreciated. Start with simple, one-step directions & be sure you have your youngster's attention before telling him what to do. One mother we know invariably asks the child to look at her before she gives him any kind of instruction. Then she speaks slowly & clearly. This helps to eliminate repeating the request--a bad habit to establish. The ability to listen & follow directions with only one request is valuable training which can start early in life.
As your little one develops skills, give him two-step directions, & later, still more complicated instructions:
"Please bring my red book from the night stand by my bed." Or, "Please put this box on the washing machine in the back porch." In the process of teaching your child to follow directions, you will need to help him understand front & back, up & down, under & over, right side up & upside down, & eventually, right & left.
When the errands involve numbers, you are teaching mathematical concepts. The basic understanding of numbers is fundamental to formal arithmetic. Many children have trouble in school because they have not had enough real experiences with numbers to understand, for example, the "fourness" of four. So use such requests & activities often. "Please bring me four big potatoes from the vegetable bin."
Learning to Share--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Children are born totally self-centered. In the first three years he can learn, at least partially, to delay his wants, to respect others' property, & willingly to relinquish an item his parent or other care-giver asks for. These are important steps & should not be neglected. The child's natural sensitivity helps him learn quickly what is expected of him.
He must be helped to see the fairness of taking turns & sharing & the pleasure that cooperating can bring. That's why he needs a lot of practice in working & playing with those who can demonstrate its value.
You might plan with your child to have a special little collection of things for him to give away. These could be little plastic toys & balloons of the kind which come in cereal boxes, or even little things he has received which he could share with others. He might give one to a little visitor when he leaves, to a sick child, or to a child who does not have as many things as he does. At Christmas time, do not emphasise gifts for him, but let him help to select, wrap & give gifts to others. Even for his birthday, make it a time to thank his relatives & friends for their love & kindness to him for the year instead of centering too much attention on him.
In the process of teaching how to share, it is wise to prepare your child ahead of time. If another child, preferably one who has learned to share, is coming to play, talk about what toys he will let his friend play with. Don't suggest his favorite truck at first, but help him to set aside certain attractive items for his guest. Jog his memory a couple of times so that he will not forget or balk when the time comes. Or better yet, play-act the situation, with you as the visitor.
Story Time--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Stories are food to your youngster's mind. A good way to begin is to read simple Bible stories or nature stories out of true story books. Then retell the stories as you put your child to bed. Young children thrive on repetition. Also tell your children stories right out of your life. Tell them about grandpa's sheepdog or the bricklayer working on the new house down the street or what it takes to bring a carton of milk to the table or how squirrels prepare for winter.
Almost any lesson you wish to teach can be incorporated into a story. It gets across much better than direct instruction. These lessons can be on such subjects as health, safety, kindness to animals, thankfulness, & many others. They can be incidents which happened to you, your family, or friends. Or retell things which happened to him when he was younger.
Read to your child beginning when he is a baby. The experience will condition both of you to the fun of reading together.
This method of teaching is of special value because the child really hears what you say. He can easily follow your line of thought & it is interesting to him. He remembers the lesson because he remembers the story. Since he desires to imitate, he is likely to do as the story suggests. Of course, you must be sure your story teaches a positive lesson & that the point you wish to emphasise gets across. This is the problem with some of the highly-rated television shows such as Disney or the "Muppets"--even some of the popular educational programs such as "Captain Kangaroo" or "Sesame Street." Some of the silly acting & false characters involved in the teaching of a fact are likely to be imitated, but the fact may be forgotten because the two were not logically connected.
The Scriptural standard of Philippians 4:8 is sound advice in judging the quality of the mental nourishment supplied to your child's mind.
When you read stories to your child, the same standards apply. Hold him closely while you read slowly, with good lip movement & with expression. Take time to look at the pictures, to answer & ask questions, & possibly to have a short discussion, imagining why the characters did what they did.
And in preparation for your child's later reading instruction, help him direct his eye movement from left to right when looking at books or signs. Keep this in mind when you look at a series of pictures, or count objects with a child. Show him where to start & help him move to the right by moving his or your finger in that direction. If he scribbles in pretending to write, help him use left-to-right progression. If he asks about his name or a word, glide your finger under the word in a left-to-right motion.
Independent Thinking--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Since we want to help & encourage him to develop his reasoning ability, we must give him as many real-life experiences as possible that build his background of knowledge. Don't supply immediate answers to all of his questions.
Sometimes the questions should be a starting point for experimentation or exploration. To discover some of the answers by this method may take longer, & your child may seem to be wasting time, but don't despair. Ready-made knowledge does not usually stimulate thinking. Sometimes the trial-&-error method will be a good way for him to learn. The process of independently working out problems will strengthen his mental powers.
All adults sometimes need solitude, but often they do not realise that a child has a similar or even more critical requirement for time alone--time for the kind of somewhat undirected, imaginative thinking that helps him adapt to real-life experiences. An excellent laboratory for this is a sand pile with its potential for tunnels & roads, or the kitchen sink where he fills & empties containers near you, or on the floor with blocks of wood or toys. This essential privilege is rarely offered in a day-care center, nursery school, or in any large group of children.
Those Play Things--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Your three-year-old is ready to make good use of play equipment that is designed to use his muscles vigorously. Don't deprive him of climbing--just help him to do it safely & within limits. Country living usually provides small trees & fences for this activity, but city parks or playgrounds with a jungle gym, slide, swing, or teeter-totter will also do the trick.
Housekeeping toys & things for playing store are easily available if you can encourage the use of the imagination. Cardboard boxes can be used to represent anything from the kitchen sink or stove to a sofa.
Woodworking tools become appropriate now. You may prefer to have your child use a wooden hammer & pegs with a pegboard at first. Later he can proceed to using a steel hammer with a short handle & broad head & short, wide-headed nails. Just pounding nails into soft wood is valuable practice in coordination. A simple airplane, boat, wagon, or truck can be constructed of small pieces of scrap wood & spools. With daddy's help he can make a bird feeder.
Any household can provide an assortment of various-sized plastic containers with screw-on lids. Put them all in a box unassembled & let your child match the right lid to the right jar. Nuts & bolts of various sizes can be matched in the same way. Later on have him try it blindfolded.
A pair of daddy's old, clean shoes with plenty of lacing will give practice in muscle coordination as well as in learning to tie a bow toward the end of this period. Magazines with coloured pictures & blunt scissors to cut them out & paste on a piece of paper in a scrapbook, or to make a collage are good for a rainy day.
A child this age can draw or paint pictures with large crayons or washable poster paints & large brushes. Give him large sheets of wrapping paper, the blank side of wallpaper remnants, or unfolded grocery sacks to use on the floor or on an easel made of cardboard or plywood. He needs freedom of arm movement, which small equipment does not provide. Brushes can be made by tying or taping strips of cloth or pieces of sponge to a stick. Start with one or two colors, with a separate brush for each one.
Whether the medium is stringing beads, making a picture, or arranging sticks, remember that it is the process in such creative work rather than the end result that is most important to the preschooler.
When he completes one of his creations, ask him to tell you about his picture. In this way you avoid the serious risk of offending or discouraging him by guessing wrongly. Commend the art work & display it proudly on a wall or bulletin board.
Challenging the Senses--The Exploring Threes & Fours
Probably the most attractive & all-inclusive medium for such training is the natural world around us. The colors, sounds, textures, smells, & tastes found in God's Creation should consume the larger share of your time & attention.
Puzzles & games made with household materials are fun & easy to make. For example, take a large piece of cardboard & let him trace with a felt pen or crayon various-sized shapes of different objects you have around the house--simple cookie cutters, lids, small boxes. Provide something triangular as well as round or rectangular. Kitchen sponges can be cut up for this. Do only a few at first to make it easy to succeed. Add more shapes as ability increases. Keep the objects in a special box & match the shapes to the pattern drawn on the cardboard. Both size & shape must be considered. Later he will learn the names of the shapes--square, oblong, circle, triangle & oval.
Jigsaw puzzles can be made of large, uncluttered magazine pictures pasted smoothly on cardboard & cut into smaller parts. Depending on his former experiences, he may be able to piece together ten pieces or more. But start where he can succeed rather quickly & later cut the puzzle into more pieces.
At meal time occasionally have your child close his eyes or blindfold him a few minutes to have a "guess what" taste & smell game. Use distinctive foods, not mixtures, & only a few at a time, & see if he can identify each one, first by smell & then by taste. Also have him tell you whether each is sweet, sour, salty, or none of these. Help him to describe food as crisp or crunchy, hard or soft, wet or dry.
Some foods can be named by feeling--fruits, vegetables, beans, rice, oatmeal, a hard-boiled egg, or nuts, either in the shell or shelled.
Children should become acquainted with textures. Cloth offers a variety--burlap, net, corduroy, satin, velvet, felt, silk, wool, & cotton. Then there are smooth leather, suede leather, plastic, sandpaper, fur, etc. Use "silky," "velvety," "woolly," etc., to describe textures.
Built-in Safety Features--The Exploring Threes & Fours
We should take time & effort to teach safety habits by every means possible. Example is crucial here. If there are no cars in sight, do you walk against the red light, for instance? Explain safety symbols & warnings at home, while walking, or while driving. Talk about not touching household cleaner bottles & any unfamiliar containers that are not known to contain good food or drink. Don't tell the child that medicine tastes good. He's really not highly discriminating about taste. That's why children will drink some pretty awful things like cleaning fluids or other poisonous substances. He might drink a whole bottle of cough medicine if you tell him it's just like candy. If you take pills, why shouldn't he?--Maybe a whole bottle full. After all, they are supposed to be "candy" too.
Working Mothers--The Exploring Threes & Fours
If a mother has no other choice but to work outside the home, we sympathise with her & want to give her all the help possible. We also know that in some way she will make it up to her child the best she can--hopefully in "quality" attention rather than in material things or permissiveness. Attitude, of course, comes across loud & clear to the child. He knows whether or not his mother leaves him regretfully & how much he is really valued. No one can really deceive him about that.
Also we would hope that the work would be of a nature that would not unduly deprive her of the energy to be a friend & counsellor to her family. One of the most important functions of a wife & mother is to make home a haven for her family from the pressures of work & school. If she is also a victim of such pressures, she is less able or perhaps unable to provide a tranquil atmosphere that brings rest & relaxation to all. Perhaps we need to help mothers realise how valuable they are & how to feel truly fulfilled in their role. We need to find ways to help them feel less lonely & frustrated. They need to be relieved some of the time from continual child care. We think fathers are best for this. The children need them & they need the children.
Candidate for Kindergarten?--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Why not kindergarten? Here are some of our reasons why not: Physical health is more important than early education. There are very few kindergartens that do not keep the children relatively confined in a classroom most of the time. Lack of physical exercise & the scarcity of pure air in the schoolroom are harmful to the lungs.
There would also be more flexibility in a home where there might be children of varying ages & the older could help the younger. Children at home might also do approximately the same thing at the same time, but in general there would be more options for instructional activities such as working together in cooking, cleaning, or other housework or gardening, going for short trips or walks, studying natural phenomena or participating with their parents in whatever work they do.
Many neurophysiologists strongly suspect that cases labeled as dyslexic, perceptually handicapped, brain-damaged, or even mentally retarded are simply showing the results of unfair expectancies on the yet unready brain.
We are not saying that a child should always do what he wants to do when he wants to or that he doesn't need boundaries & careful supervision. Your young child needs a predictable environment. Meals, nap, worktime, storytime, bedtime, etc. should be pretty much the same every day. If your child seems interested in signs or words or in writing his name, by all means help him, but do not allow him to stay at any close work more than about twenty minutes at a time or his eyes may be weakened. The eyes should not be kept at prolonged near focus when they naturally focus at a distance.
A Real School at Home?--The Creative Fives & Sixes
"School" at home can be a better one than you usually find in a institution.
Don't forget before-school chores. Making his bed, tidying up his room, as well as helping with the breakfast preparation & clean-up, are responsibilities a person should handle all through life before school or work.
Then set up a reasonably flexible program which fits into your household schedule & allows for individual interests. This is an excellent time for some spiritual training. Sing a song or two together, read or tell a story, preferably using some type of illustration, such as objects, pictures, or felt figures on a flannelgraph. Your child will not care for a lot of variety. These stories become like old friends when he hears them repeated. Sometimes let him tell the story. This helps him organise his thinking to get events in proper sequence. You may have to help him with questions, such as "What happened next?" or "What caused the problem?"
Something active should follow this quiet time--perhaps marching, hopping, tiptoeing, or skipping to piano accompaniment or records, varying the performance to the mood or rhythm of the music.
Nature study should be an important part of your child's daily program. This may include working with plants, pots, or window boxes indoors, or a bigger garden outdoors; collecting, identifying & classifying leaves, rocks, shells, etc.; starting a nature experiment; or taking a walk to see what can be found to study.
Your child should be able to clearly give his full name, address, telephone number, birthdate, & parents' first names. He should also know which is his right hand & which is his left hand. Names of the days of the week & months of the year should be familiar & soon become automatic. Be sure he knows or learns how to skip & how to move himself in a swing.
Having Fun Indoors--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Have your child use chalk, large crayons, tempera paints with large brushes, & large paper. Support the paper on a chalk board, an easel, a table, or the floor. Do not use small colour books & crayons or pencils at this age. They require too much strain on muscles not ready for fine control.
Fingerpaint is easy to make at home. Let your youngster help measure the ingredients & do as much as he can to help.
The child at home who helps make bread, shaping it into various kinds of rolls & loaves, or who makes cookies which can be cut into different shapes, does not necessarily need playdough. (Louise Ammes of Yale's Gesell Institute once told us that real homemaking is "three dimensional education" in contrast to the "two dimensional" experiences of school.) But this is an alternate activity you may wish to use, especially in bad weather. It can be introduced when the child is as young as fifteen months, or at least as early as it can be kept out of the mouth. But it can be more creatively handled by age five or six. It is easy & cheap to make & keeps for several months when wrapped tightly in plastic in the refrigerator to be used over & over again.
Thick liquid paint, used from squeeze bottles like hair coloring or shampoo containers, can also be made at home. This paint is a fascinating art medium. As it comes out in a thin stream, you can make pictures on heavy paper, styrofoam, cardboard, egg cartons, or paper plates. If desired, a comb, old toothbrush, or toothpicks can then be used to add a variety of textures. Set the creations aside for a day or so to dry. They become hard, raised, & glossy.
After the painting is complete but not yet dried, you can also make prints from it. Lay a piece of absorbent paper--such as a paper towel or plain or printed newspaper--carefully on top of your picture & smooth it gently with your hand. Then pull it off & you have a print. Sometimes several may be made, depending on the amount of paint used on the original.
Here is the recipe--
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Thick Liquid Paint
2 cups flour
1/2 cup sugar
12 cups salt
Wet or dry tempera or food coloring
Sift flour & mix in sugar & salt. Then add water gradually, using wire whisk or mixing spoon to mix until smooth & about as thick as batter for cake. Divide into small plastic bowls to add different colors. Pour a little of one of the paints into one squeeze bottle at first to check for consistency. In order for the paint to flow out in a steady stream, you may have to thin it or make the bottle opening larger. When the consistency seems right, fill the other bottles & start painting. To store, remove & wash the caps, cover the neck of the bottles with plastic wrap, & secure the caps again. Store in refrigerator. Before reusing, shake well, remove the plastic wrap, & replace the cap.
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Sharpening Learning Tools--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Sticks or straws in graduated lengths provide a challenge for the child. Start with ten of them cut in one-inch gradations from one inch to ten inches. Have him find the shortest & the longest pieces, placing them at opposite sides of his working space. Then ask him to place the rest in between according to size.
Cutting pictures from old magazines or catalogues requires close work but may be used occasionally for variety. These pictures can be used to make scrapbooks or greeting cards, or collections of pictures can be used as collages to decorate a wastebasket or poster.
Stringing of beads, spools, or dry macaroni (perhaps dyed with vegetable coloring) helps the coordination of small muscles.
Sorting absorbs children's attention, especially if they must be in the house or if quiet is essential for any reason. If you have nails, screws, bolts, nuts, buttons or beans which need sorting, now is the time to get it done.
Colored sticks, even toothpicks, can profitably occupy a child for a while & are good for learning colors, developing eye-hand coordination, & encouraging the imagination. He can use these sticks to make geometric & other designs, people, animals, or houses on the rug or on a square piece of felt laid out on the table. The felt can also be the holder to roll or fold the sticks inside when not in use.
Five-or six-year-olds should do very little writing, yet they often want to write their names or certain favorite names or words. Although we see no harm in teaching them to do this, we warn again not to let them stay at any fine muscle task or close work for more than fifteen or twenty minutes.
Making Music--The Creative Fives & Sixes
If your five- or six-year-old child or another for whom you have a responsibility is not able to carry a tune or if he speaks in a monotone rather than singing, there are several things you can do.
Get him to make some common sounds he can easily mimic from a record or from you. Don't make a point of his sour notes. Try a siren sound with an oo-oo, sliding from a lower tone to higher. Make the sound of the wind whistling around the corner of the house, the hooting of an owl or song of a bird. Repeat these daily as a game until the child "feels the tone" in his head & hears the difference in high & low tones. Also play an "echo" game to see if he can match the same single note as you with an oo, ah, or la. Stretch up tall for a high notes & squat down for the low ones. Let him originate a note for you to echo. Then go on to two, then three or more notes in succession as his skill in listening & imitating increases. Soon you have a tune. Rather than undertaking this kind of training in a formal-type of lesson, it is more fun for the child & you can achieve better results doing it incidentally while working with your hands, driving in a car, walking, or other compatible activities.
Sing songs where you are--at work & at play. A lyrical, clear woman's voice is often the best model; it is usually nearer to the child's voice pitch than is a mature male voice. Choose songs that are simple & childlike, & repeat them often enough to be well learned.
Never ask or allow a child or children to strain to sing loudly. Yelling or the loud singing so often asked of children can damage the vocal cords, especially in young children. Unaffected, clear, melodious singing is the goal.
Encourage your child to create music. He may add a new verse to a familiar tune, make up an original tune about an experience he has had, or accompany some of his rhythmic movements. Give him every possible opportunity to sing with the family.
Let your young musician make a scrapbook of his favorite songs, illustrating each song with a picture. If the music is not available, just the pictures will do. Arrange opportunities for learning about different musical instruments--how they look & how they sound.
Help him to respond creatively to the rhythms of a variety of music. He can clap, march, tiptoe, gallop like a horse, sway like a tree, hop or fly like a bird. He can walk slowly or march briskly, in a circle or zigzag. Try arm movements, too, swinging them limply or stiffly, raising or lowering, & bending or straightening.
And try a rhythmic tapping or clapping game, similar to the game Follow the Leader. You go clap-clap-clap. Your child goes clap-clap-clap. You go clap-clap, rest, clap-clap, rest; he repeats the pattern. Soon your budding musician can initiate the rhythms & you follow him in a cycle of turns.
If you want your child to really learn about rhythm, at first use your instruments only with familiar music which has an even beat. Eventually, you can have him learn to clap or "play" only on the accented notes & "rest" or soften the beat on the others. In 3/4 time he will play, rest, rest; play, rest, rest, etc. And in 4/4 time he will play on one & three & rest or soften on two & four--play, rest, play, rest, etc. He will also learn to clap or play softly for pianissimo & louder for fortissimo.
The Kitchen Laboratory--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Kitchen learning experiences are almost limitless. Participation in cooking, baking & other food preparation will teach much about sounds, tastes, smells, & textures. It will take longer & require more patience than sending your little one out to play or turning on the TV for him, but will bring you a great deal more happiness & satisfaction & make yours & your child's years ever so much more productive.
Watch for simple recipes he can make alone or with minimal supervision. Let your young apprentice cook have the satisfaction of planning & preparing a simple meal for the family as soon as he is able. This is often done by well-trained six-year-olds & sometimes by fives. Teach him how to help with meals for company, waiting on the table while you visit with your guests. He can even help with the shopping. Let him make a picture shopping list either by drawing or by cutting pictures from magazines so that he can help by "reading" his own list.
The good spirit of cooperation & habit of obedience you have already established will greatly facilitate such kitchen projects. Be sure to teach safety rules as well as be watchful about them. Children at five or six can learn to use knives & other rather dangerous equipment properly. (Editor: With close supervision!) You will need to plan on some spills & breakage, but be patient. Skill, like Rome, isn't built in a day.
Creative Little Individuals--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Curiosity is as natural to the young child as it is to a puppy. How you as parents use your power to stimulate or squelch this quality may determine how creative your child will be. Highly curious children tend to be more creative than less inquisitive children. From the time your child shows a desire to explore, he should be given as much leeway as is practical & safe.
Supplying too much information too soon, especially facts to learn by rote, deprives your child of discovering facts for himself by experiment or observation & tends to limit his curiosity. He needs to find out many things for himself--to experience real events & explore concrete objects. He gains real understanding only of what he observes firsthand. This is one of the great damages from television. It does sometimes instruct him, but usually when it does, it keeps him from actively investigating his environment. This is especially true in the fields of science & math, which involve thinking & understanding rather than just facts. The emphasis in early childhood should be more on constructing things than instructing about them.
Schools in general actually tend to squelch a basic bent for creativity, for their high pupil-teacher ratio cannot adequately accommodate individual interests.
Another advantage the home has over usual school conditions is that children feel free to ask more questions when they are in a small group or when alone with an adult. Encourage their questions & ask some yourself. Be careful not to ask many questions that simply require rote answers. Rather, ask questions that stimulate thinking & require solutions to problems.
The child's learning will not necessarily proceed at a regular rate. At times he will develop so fast as to be spectacular but again he may seem to be on a developmental or learning plateau.
If children are not often inventing fantasy games & experimenting with their own ideas, it usually means that they have been entertained too much, either by television--which has already been shown to stifle imagination--or by overscheduling with trips, lessons, & too many playmates.
Generally, the child who spends more time alone or with adults tends to be more creative. Genius has been shown to thrive with a great deal of parental warmth combined with ample opportunity for solitude.
Activity should be produced by children, not for them. They need to use their own ingenuity to devise interesting activities. All parents need to do is provide an atmosphere of encouraging cooperation & have things around for them to use in spontaneous construction & play. Most of us would call it junk--various kinds of boxes, scrap lumber, other raw materials, tools, etc. Such relatively rough, inexpensive equipment--nails, boards, cans, rocks, sand--usually holds the children's attention, promotes language practice & ability, & increases creativity to a far greater extent than store-bought toys. Imagination is suppressed by overindulgence in ready-made, detailed toys that can do only one specific thing. The best toys are relatively simple & can be used in various ways as the imagination of the child directs.
We were fascinated one afternoon when visiting a couple & their young son. With a little help from his father, he had constructed a large, flat box with divisions in it which he called a "zoo." He had collected a variety of plastic animals from cereal boxes, & he & a friend played quietly for an hour or more in a corner of the room while the adults visited. In another home we admired a homemade dollhouse--curtained, draped, & furnished by a child & her older sister. One family made a "city" out of small cardboard boxes painted to look like buildings, & they had several plastic cars that could be driven through the "streets." Such activities are especially useful for bad weather days when the children cannot be outdoors very much.
The fact is that with few exceptions, manufactured stories on TV & toys in the stores tend to curb a child's natural development. Most of them have limited use. Tales from your own life; a garden; a hammer, nails, & a little waste lumber combine well with a child's imagination to build great understanding, neat farms, & beautiful castles.
Dressing up in adult clothes, rearranging chairs to make a train or covering them with a blanket to make a tent or house, playing store, playing house, or imitating any grown-up activity, gives expression to the children's ingenuity & inventiveness.
Though a certain degree of order & neatness is essential in a home, it is good for children to have a place where they don't always have to put everything away before bedtime or whatever. Mothers who sew or fathers who do woodwork usually like to leave their work so that they can pick it up where they left off. Play in progress by the child--building a railroad or a toy--may often be the same. The continuity will encourage persistence & concentration on his "task."
Building Speech Skills
Even though young children develop a rather impressive vocabulary by the time they are six, it does not mean that they have full understanding of the significance of many words they hear & use. Usually they give only one meaning to a word & that is the literal meaning; for example, they may understand sick, but not heartsick, or they may have an idea about "splitting" but not a "splitting headache."
Almost all young children do a lot of repeating of sounds or words in normal speech. They do not yet have an adequate flow of words to express their ideas, especially when they are excited about something they saw or did. This may be exaggerated even more when they are trying to talk to someone who is disinterested, distracted, or preoccupied.
Serious stuttering or stammering are nervous speech disorders--as contrasted with lisping or cleft palate problems, which are mechanical in nature. You can forestall such nervous problems by providing, as much as possible, a simple, calm, quiet environment that does not get on anyone's nerves, including your own. Generally you set your own pace & pressure by your choice of involvements, so try to organise your home wherever & whenever you can to avoid conflict & tension.
The same factors that cause other maladjustments, such as dyslexia or loss of motivation, also tend to cause most speech disorders. Learn to give reasonable time & attention when your child has something special to report. Try not to finish his words or sentences for him. In any case, never unnecessarily draw attention to his speech problem or discuss it with anyone in his presence. Time & avoidance of pressure, anxiety, & criticism will usually enable him to outgrow this particular difficulty. (Editor: As well as the Lord & prayer.)
Relaxation & proper breathing are important for good speech development. When things get a little "high" or out of hand in the home, suggest that you both lie down on the floor & pretend to float. Close your eyes for a few moments & pretend you are drifting in a quiet pool.
If your child has difficulty with some sounds, think of some way to emphasise that sound in an informal way. For instance, use the coughing sound for k, "la la la" for l, horse neighing for n, rooster crowing for r, steam escaping for s, the clock sound for t, wind for wh & buzzing bees for z. In some cases it may be necessary to demonstrate how you place your tongue, teeth, or lips in making a certain sound, as for f, j, s, th, or l.
Special Learnings--The Creative Fives & Sixes
You can sharpen your child's hearing discrimination by helping him recognise & name the rhyming words in verses you read to him or having him supply words to rhyme with one you suggest, such as hill (bill, gill, fill, mill, etc.) or bat (hat, cat, fat, sat, etc.) He should also develop the ability to hear & suggest words which begin like bear (bat, bug, big, boat) or funny (fig, fall, four, fiddle). You can do this as a game while travelling, walking, writing, resting, or during routine working with your hands.
Learning to describe a person, object, or living creature by shape, color, size, & other characteristics is excellent practice for developing vocabulary & speech skills. Make it into a guessing game between your child & you--"I'm thinking of something that is little." (or big or green or red or soft or rough, or clean or dirty, etc.)
Teach your youngster to be a good host or hostess. Give him practice in making & acknowledging introductions properly. Play-act this with him until he understands that he should say the name of the older person first & then present the younger, pronouncing the names plainly. Encourage him to smile & shake hands--firmly but not wildly--without prompting from you. Your warmth & hospitality to guests or your response to visitors, of course, will be among the most practical & meaningful lessons he can have. Practice in thinking of others is the best therapy a child can have for shyness, which is usually self-consciousness, & which, if allowed to flower, may encourage a selfish disposition.
Stretching Your Child's Horizons--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Make a visit to a farm where there is a variety of animals, or to specialised farms such as a dairy farm, chicken farm, fruit, vegetable, or grain farm. Some city children have little understanding of the source of their food.
Watch how a home in your community is being built so that your child discovers how the wires bring the electricity & the telephone into a house. Let him see the heating ducts as they lead to the various rooms from the furnace & the pipes which lead to the water faucets, & others which take oil or gas to the furnace. Then show him as much as you can about his own house or apartment--the electric meter & fuse box, any visible wires, pipes, ducts, or the furnace.
Occasional trips to visit the post office, fire department, police department, city government offices, a local garage, bakery, or a manufacturing plant will expand your child's understanding of the community. We hope the father can be the instructor for some or all of these trips. Make them as thorough & educational as is appropriate for fives & sixes.
If your child has not already visited the library, it is time to begin to do this quite regularly. As occasion arises, perhaps on a holiday, vacation, or other family outing, take a trip to the zoo, the aquarium, the natural life museum or other special exhibits. Don't miss the airport & train or bus depot.
No doubt your child has already been introduced to the supermarket. But have you involved him in it enough to make it a progressive learning experience?
Shopping actually involves planning for balanced nutrition, money management, selection of quality products, decisions on quantity--a mental exercise which, over the years, you have developed but may not have analysed for its complexity. Talk things over with your preschooler even if you think it is over his head. Discuss food values, & let him help you as much as he can.
Camping is another excellent family togetherness activity that children of this age especially enjoy. Share the planning, packing, & all the camp chores with your youngster. Help him learn to follow a hiking trail, to use a compass, interpret a simple map, & to carry his share of the responsibility. Observe the trees, plants, streams, birds & animals. Ask him to "teach" you. He often will, in fact. Learn about the homes & family habits of the wildlife & compare them with his. Teach the need & value of preserving our natural resources by precept & practice. Show him how to put out the campfire properly & leave the campsite cleaner than he found it.
Making Moral Youngsters--The Creative Fives & Sixes
Until he is able to reason consistently--in the age range of late sevens to middle elevens--your child will tend to imitate & adopt the character traits of those around him. He can learn cooperation, kindness, & other socially acceptable standards of behaviour best by copying those who exhibit these qualities & desire to develop them in their children.
His parents must provide the authority that helps him know what is right & what is wrong. He needs to learn to consider the rights & feelings of others & gain some understanding of the consequences of his acts. He should be allowed to make decisions beginning with choices between two acceptable alternatives. He should be given opportunity to think & act for himself on the basis of principle as much & as fast as he is able. But normally until he is nine, ten, or eleven years old he will not become fully aware of the meaning of rules & the reason for them. Only then can he really understand them in relation to the principles on which they are based.
Character or moral values will achieve the most complete stability when they have a sound religious base. Teaching about a loving Jesus Christ can begin very early in life, not with the thought of earning one's way to Heaven but rather to return the Father's Love by trying to do what He knows best.
Work is a particularly valuable character-building activity. It challenges one to accept responsibility & to persevere even with discouragement. As the opposite of idleness or excessive play, it absorbs aggressive energies in a useful direction & keeps body & mind profitably occupied so that there is little time or inclination for negative activities. It promotes purity of thought, exercises the intellect in planning & develops such character qualities as thoroughness, industry, responsibility, & dependability. Most children can do much more work & take much more responsibility than parents require.
The TV Temptation--The Creative Fives & Sixes
TV violence has been clearly shown to cause antisocial behaviour in children. They absorb & imitate what they see & hear, & often they produce, partially or wholly, aggressive acts to which they have been exposed.
Even if you shield your children from violent scenes, television incurs a very real detachment from real life & has a distinctly negative effect on the child's socialisation. When you take him off into adult-contrived fantasies & absorb him with silly or absurd dramatic scenes before he has learned to reason or become accustomed to normal, everyday life experiences you warp his value system--at a time you should be refining & stabilising it. We have already noted the uselessness of reading fairy tales, some of which actually strike fear in many children.
TV replaces constructive work or play, teaches passivity, stifles creativity, & instills a low tolerance for the frustration of learning. After viewing sugar-coated lessons presented with show business gimmicks & entertainers, children are easily turned off by tasks that require only minimal effort & self control. Even many so-called "educational programs" such as "Sesame Street" reduce rather than lengthen the child's attention span because of the rapid changes in theme.
Because children are notoriously gullible, believing almost everything they see & hear, the commercials create in them wasteful, even dangerous wants for many things. Recently one prominent physician-nutritionist, commenting seriously about a highly TV-advertised breakfast food, said that the box had more actual nutritional value than its contents.
Someone might question, "Don't you think children need to know what goes on in real life?" We must be quick to answer that indeed a child must ultimately know the realities of life in this World. But everything has its time & place. In the child's early years, he should be shielded from unnecessary corruption until his reason is well-developed. It is not necessary for him to personally participate in drugs, alcohol, murder, rape, robbery, & other violence in order to know "what is going on in the World."
Tools for Learning--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
From the time your child is born he is drinking in sights, sounds, tastes, smells, & textures in the process of discovering the world in which he lives.
No matter how bright your child, the maturity of his senses dictates his ability to learn in a quality way. Yet educational trends in this country have gone beyond the perception limits of most little children, leaving in their trail high percentages of school failures, drop-outs, delinquency, & crime. It is not until the late sevens to the eights, nines, & sometimes the tens that the senses--hearing, vision, taste, touch, & smell--seem to come together in the maturity required for efficient formal learning.
Becoming Reason-Able--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
A Swiss psychologist, the late Jean Piaget, came up with some very interesting & significant findings about how children think. These conclusions have been checked out by many other researchers & have been found to be valid.
He determined that the ability to understand a certain physical law is a sign of maturity in reasoning power. This is the well-known law that mass is constant--always the same--regardless of its arrangement or changes in shape. The age range for understanding this law is from about seven or eight to eleven or twelve.
The experiments to assess such reasoning ability take many forms. For example, you can try this experiment on any four-year-old. Show him two short, stout glasses of water the same shape & size & filled to the same levels. Ask him if there is the same amount of water in both. Of course, he will say "yes." Then, while he is watching, pour the water from one glass into a taller, thinner glass. Now ask him if there is still the same amount of water in both. Often five- or six-year-olds will answer that there is more in the tall container (because they see that it is higher). A seven or eight-year-old will generally tell you that the amount is the same regardless of the shape.
Later we tried a similar Piagetian experiment, taking two equal piles of ten pennies (or you can use candies, or beans, or other convenient items). We asked a five-year-old to count out each pile & verify that each had ten. We then spread one pile out into a line about eight inches long & left the other as it was. When we asked him if the two groups still had the same number of pennies, he said, "No, there are more in the stretched-out line than in the pile."
We decided to try just one more, this time a story which tests a child's understanding of motive or reason, with implications for moral values. We told them about little four-year-old Jimmy & his big sister, Sue. Jimmy was angry when his mother would not give him dessert until he finished his vegetables, so he smashed his glass on the floor. Sue felt very badly for her mother & bent over to pick up the pieces, but in doing so, she knocked off four glasses! Who was the naughtiest, Jimmy or Sue? The five-year-old unhesitatingly answered, "Sue." "Why?" "Because she broke the most."
These are simple illustrations of the reasoning ability of young children. They serve to explain why until now many of your parental explanations of "why" have not seemed to satisfy them. This does not mean that you shouldn't tell a five-year-old why he should not, for example, go into the street or climb up on the neighbour's garage roof. We need to try to help children understand cause-&-effect relationships--the causes & likely results. We should give them experiences that will develop their reasoning powers. But we do need to recognise their limitations & not expect them to think like adults.
Rivalry Problems--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Competition for time or distance in underwater swimming--an exercise children of this age often try--is especially dangerous. We recall an experience of Dorothy's in rescuing a young boy from drowning. He had determined to swim the length of a rather shallow pool underwater. He breathed deeply a few times & dived under. Dorothy swam along on top to keep pace. Suddenly she noticed that he rolled over on his back & stopped swimming. She could see bubbles coming out of his mouth. Though not entirely realising the seriousness of the situation & regretting having to spoil his fun, she pulled him out. He was blue in the face, but recovered quickly in the fresh air. We afterward learned that this is not unusual. Hyperventilation, or over-breathing, alters the body chemistry, depressing the urge to breathe. Low blood oxygen results before the swimmer feels the need to breathe & can cause unconsciousness without warning. Many deaths occur even in guarded pools because the unconscious person may continue to swim. Since he is underwater, no one is aware of his problems.
What Next?--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Children learn best by the discovery method--by doing, experimenting, observing, & imitating--not once over lightly, but repeatedly.
There is a tendency to think that children must gain most information & education by reading it in books. Book learning certainly has value when it comes at the appropriate time, but there is plenty of knowledge that can be accumulated by the child without his having to decipher symbols in order to find it. The less effort consumed in the process of learning to read, the less it will detract from other intellectual growth.
Give your child practice in following & constructing simple maps. This involves knowing left & right; the directions of north, south, east & west; & the ability to give instructions to someone who may need help in finding a place he is familiar with. Give him practice in being the "navigator" when you drive. Get him acquainted with the globe--the continents, the oceans, & special places significant in current events or family interests.
Your Living Textbooks--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Nature is an unfailing source of children's curiosity & delight. A walk or an outing is always appropriate. Any bud, flower, or rock might spark the child's interest. Then it is your responsibility to fan that spark into a flame by your interest & encouragement, but not by pressure. You do these things with him for fun & inspiration. The learnings are incidental as together you share your discoveries.
If you can secure a large calendar with partially blank squares for each date, you can use it for a weather calendar. Or, you & your child can make one so that the daily weather conditions can be recorded--mostly by little pictures drawn by hand. You might illustrate the type of clouds, sunshine & rain by boots, umbrella, or streaks for raindrops & a zigzag line for a lightning storm. Use some specific words as you talk about the weather, like fog, drizzle, mist, hail or sleet. A simple gauge, such as a flat pan, can be made to measure the rainfall. Notice the signs of evaporation on the sidewalk or street after a rain by observing what eventually happens to the puddles. Perhaps there will be steam rising from the pavement or from a roof. Chart the time of sunset & notice whether the days are getting longer or shorter.
You can also record the high & low temperatures. If you have access to weather forecasts, you can compare them to what actually happens as well as use them to plan what type of clothing to wear.
Some simple study of astronomy is often appropriate for the seven- or eight-year-old child. Phases of the moon can be observed & constellations identified. Study the movement of the Sun around the Earth & how it brings seasonal changes. Learn about & watch the effect of the seasons on the trees & wild life. Measure shadows at different times of day.
The simple information you already have is enough to start with. Numerous children's books are available. It is important that the information you provide be accurate.
Equipment for nature study usually depends somewhat on your locality & the particular interests of the family. An inexpensive pair of binoculars or a small telescope is about as complicated as you need to get. An ordinary good magnifying glass will bring an entirely new & exciting dimension to ordinary objects.
And if you ever have the chance, try undersea viewing in tropical or semitropical waters for out-of-this-world surprise & excitement. You can use either regular snorkeling equipment or any home-made waterproof box or can with a glass on the bottom which can be partially submerged in a shallow tide pool to give you a view of the garden, fish, & coral under the sea.
Some Special Pets--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
To many adults, worms are not especially attractive creatures, but youngsters are usually charmed. The work of worms will be much more valued if you & your child make a wormery & see how they pulverise the soil & help things grow. Fill a gallon jar with alternate layers of soil & sand. Plant grass seed on the surface of the soil to keep it cool & moist. Because worms like dark places in which to work, cover half of the jar with black cloth or paper. Before adding about ten worms, watch them & touch them to see how they move & feel. From time to time remove the black paper for short intervals to see how the worms work & live. Watch how they change the profile of the soil layers in your jar.
Every child should have the experience of observing the life cycle of a butterfly. Pick up a caterpillar or two & some leaves from the plant on which you found it on one of your nature walks. Put them in a jar covered with gauze or net held with a rubber band round the jar rim. Keep the caterpillar well fed with fresh leaves until he makes himself a cocoon. Then it is a matter of patience--watching & waiting--until the flying creature comes out & is set free. Some find it fun to keep a picture record of these happenings.
And even in the city, try to have a bird feeder, especially for winter. The feeder can be a plastic milk carton or jug cut out on one side & hung on a tree. Keep a pair of binoculars nearby to get a closer look at our feathered friends, & have also bird books to identify strange or new visitors.
An Economy Garden--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Gardening is a highly worthwhile learning activity for your seven-, eight-, or nine-year-old. And when outdoor gardening is impossible either because of the weather or because a little plot of ground is not available, try windowsill gardening.
Learning about the Body--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
He can learn the names of some of the bones & how together they form the skeleton of the body. He can learn what happens inside the body to the food he eats. Use a balloon to help him understand what the stomach is like & a rope or long soft hose to resemble the intestines. A rubber band will help to show how a muscle works, a sponge to illustrate the lungs, though you should explain that the lungs mostly soak up air rather than water. A bicycle pump or air compressor at a service station can demonstrate the pumping action of the heart. Teach the child how to find & count his--& your--pulse, first at rest & then after running. Have him compare the rates, & also check his & your number of breaths in a minute. And teach him simple first aid.
Take a thumbprint by rolling the thumb on a stamp pad & then on a paper or card. Examine it under a magnifying glass. Help him understand how very special he is--that no one else has a print exactly like his. Let him know that this is not the only way he is unique. His differences in appearance, his ways of doing things & his thinking make him one of a kind, very valuable to his family & to God. Let him make a design or picture with as many prints as he wishes to make.
The Nobility of Work
Unfortunately for humankind, we have invented ways to lessen our work time & the amount of physical energy expended in work. Then we have substituted sports & amusements, many of them passive, for active work. Industrialisation & mass education also have brought about more use of the head & less use of the hands. This imbalance has seriously diluted the quality of our society. Work with the hands has been shown to be necessary for emotional health.
It is a rather mysterious but established fact that mental ability is increased in about the same proportion as the ability to use the hands increases.
By the time your little worker is seven, eight, or nine, he should be quite a proficient helper. He should know he is a valued part of the home team & can share in almost everything that needs to be done at home. And he should be rewarded with authority to the extent that he can take responsibility. As long as he is not overworked, he should be kept profitably busy doing as much as he is able. In most cases, this should still be with one or both parents. And its value extends beyond the obvious. At the same time the hands are occupied, you & your child can share confidences, talk over his frustrations, discuss values & practical lessons. None of this can ever be so profitably handled in a more formal setting.
Practical skills which both boys & girls of this age can learn are how to change a tire on a bicycle or change wheels on a car, change the oil, put water in the battery & some even learn to adjust jump cables for emergency starting, including the safety precautions that must be observed. They can learn to repair or replace broken electrical fixtures or plugs on lamps & appliances. They can fix leaky faucets & squeaky doors, polish silverware or shoes, & mend, or wash & iron clothes.
All these activities involve safety principles. The necessary rules should be clearly taught & the project carefully supervised until the child can use tools & machines safely.
The Money Manager--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Arithmetic, including decimals & fractions, is simply the symbolic representation of real things. If children can first build up a store of knowledge from dividing & measuring, as in kitchen & garden experiences & in the actual use of money, school math will seldom present any obstacles.
Living for Others--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
We feel strongly that children should have opportunities to help others who are not so fortunate as they. Service for those who need it helps to keep them from being self-centered & brings much satisfaction & pleasure. They will learn to be kind, considerate, & unselfish in their association with people as they follow your example & practice with you in your everyday manner of showing concern for others.
If you have a garden, you will most likely have some produce you can give away. Be sure to involve your child in planning & distributing these gifts. Things you make together in the kitchen can be shared with others also. Take your child to visit a hospital, or a children's home.
Let him make, buy, or share something he already has with a sick or crippled child. Older folks are often in special need of cheering up & helping. If your family sings together, arrange to go & sing some songs for a shut-in person or for a convalescent home or retirement center. Managers of such facilities are usually glad for attention to these lonely people.
Don't forget younger children. Even the child's younger brother or sister often needs help or comfort. To help him learn how to put himself in another's place, perhaps he can remember what it was like to be little & not very competent. Such expectations should not be too demanding, but caring for each other is an important family responsibility.
Teach him by both precept & example that unselfish concern for others also involves keeping our promises, returning things we have borrowed, & paying for anything we have damaged. Rudeness, thoughtlessness, even vandalism have become almost epidemic because of our self-centered generation. This is a serious breakdown in society that you & your child can begin reversing first of all in your home.
Learning Principles--The Basic Whys--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
If the first steps in discipline have been carefully followed, your seven-, eight- or nine-year-old should be making more & more of his own decisions, on the basis of principles--the basic reasons why he does things--as much as is practical. He should have plenty of practice in thinking & acting for himself so that his judgment, like a muscle, will grow stronger with use. If you are consistent, he will also learn the wisdom of respecting your experienced counsel & judgment & that of other responsible adults.
When your child consults you about a problem or for permission for something, be sure you make use of the opportunity to help him make a decision. Try not to make it for him. Ask lots of questions rather than handing out advice. Such reasonableness will encourage him to counsel with you & produce a more cooperative spirit. Do not hesitate to take a strong stand if necessary. Children want & need parents who love them enough to care what they do. In the long run, they will respect you for your concern & consistency. A child who has achieved independent & internalised values by consistent parental example & training without interference from institutions will not so easily cave in to his peers just because "everybody is doing it."
Thinking More to Live Better--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Here is an experiment to illustrate the principle that whole wheat bread usually digests better & is more nutritious than white bread. Give your child a half slice of store-bought white bread & a half slice of 100 percent whole wheat bread. Let him wad each piece into a ball. If it is good quality, the whole wheat bread will crumble, while the white bread will form a gummy ball. Talk about how it would be in the stomach & which the digestive juices could digest best. Secure a natural wheat stalk if possible & show your child how the outer bran & germ is taken out of the grain for white flour.
The outer 15 percent of the rice grain that is normally refined away contains 98 percent of the vitamins & minerals. Teach your child by example to give his body the best food. Explain that every time the body takes in refined sugars & other foods--as in candy, soft drinks, sweet rolls, sugared cereals, free sugar--it must provide minerals to digest them. Ask him, if they are not in the foods themselves, where will they come from, except to rob his body? Help him to eat to live & not live to eat.
Another principle you may want to instill early is that alcohol is a dangerous drink because it makes a person lose control of his reason & his body & destroys the neurons or cells of his brain. A decision never to drink even at this relatively early age can have far-reaching good results.
The dangers of smoking likewise should be taught both by precept & example. Ask the child if he or she wants to be his own person or a slave to a drug. It is during these early years of reason that you can do much to build the child's habits for life.
One of the common problems of young children is insufficient sleep. Your child should understand that he needs eleven to twelve hours of sleep & that short-changing the body requirements in this respect can have long-term effects. When he realises that growth takes place & muscles, nerves, & energy are built up during sleep, he should be interested in doing what will be best for him. He also needs to know that the best quality of sleep occurs in the hours before midnight.
Since poor posture can easily develop at this age, help your child appreciate the value of sitting & standing correctly. Suggest that he pretend that he walks suspended from a string so that he will think of himself as tall & straight. Also let him practice walking while balancing a book on his head to develop a smooth, graceful walk. Help him understand that inadequate rest & sleep is a cause of poor posture.
School Just Ahead--The Reasoning Sevens, Eights & Nines
Before a child can efficiently read books about the world he lives in, he must see, hear, smell, touch, & taste that world. If he has not built up a background of firsthand experience, he will not be as well equipped as he should be to make use of his natural ability & desire to learn.
If any of this basic learning has not been allowed to progress long enough before formal learning begins, the child will not grow in balance.
Three principles are vital to helping your child. They are parental warmth, physical work, & service for others:
(1) Respond warmly & consistently to your child, so that he feels needed & depended upon. (2) Work with him in the home & yard, teaching him responsibility, industry, neatness, dependability, & self-control. (3) Help him to understand & appreciate the rewards of doing things for others, including his family; for the young & old; for the sick & poor or less fortunate. There is no more certain pathway to self-worth than these, no personality & character remedy so sure.
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Lord let me do the little things
Which may fall to my lot:
Those little inconspicuous ones
By others oft forgot.
A staff for age to lean upon,
Strong hands to help the weak;
A loving heart with open door
To all who solace seek.
To hold my tongue when hot words rise
Speak kindly ones instead;
Nor harshly judge my fellowmen
In what they've done or said.
To share another's heavy load
By words or courage given;
To help a fallen brother rise
And bring him nearer Heaven.
If, like the Master, I can give
Myself for those I love,
Rich joy and peace shall come to me,
Sweet rest in Heaven above,
I know not when the day shall close
But when life's curfew rings,
I want my Lord to find me then
Still doing little things.
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