A SURVIVOR'S GUIDE TO HOME SCHOOLING--By Luanne Shackelford & Susan White


Meet the Authors

         Luanne Shackelford, the major author, is the mother of seven children, ranging in age from four to sixteen. She has been home teaching her children for the last six years. In addition, Luanne was the founder & director of Painter Avenue Christian School, a private school made up of home schooling families. The school has grown from ten to 140 families in the last five years. Luanne has a reputation throughout Southern California as a pioneer & leader in the local Christian home schooling community. She has counselled & encouraged hundreds of home schooling moms in her living room & over the phone, & has addressed many home school groups. With her family, she is now serving as a missionary under the ministry of International Missions, Inc., in Mindanao in the Philippines.
         Susan White, the primary author of the chapters on testing, scheduling & teaching other people's children, is the mother of two totally home schooled daughters, ages nine & seven. Before Susan's children were born, she taught in the public school system for five years. Susan has been working with other home schoolers for the past three years. She is presently a support group leader & the assistant director of Painter Avenue Christian School. Susan & her family live in Whittier, California.


Do Real People Do This?

         As you begin to think about home teaching your children, you will in most cases feel good about the idea, frightened by the responsibility & overwhelmed by the question of where to begin. This is normal!
         It is a big responsibility & a sobering thought, that the buck stops with you when you take on home schooling.
         This book is written by a real home schooling mom. I have seven children & I have been home teaching for five years. I enjoy the time I'm spending with my kids, & to me, it is worth all the hassle.
         They are wonderful! They are no more perfect than I am. I love them! We all know that we need to change. We know that we should be more patient & understanding, more firm & consistent. We know that we need to be more organised & more in control of what goes on in our homes. As Christians, we know we are supposed to be growing more like Christ as we grow in the Lord.
         Do you want to change? Are you willing to do things differently? Then home schooling may be just what you want! If you really want to grow, teaching your kids at home will add plenty of extra pressure to your weak points. You will either become a better woman or a worse one. You will learn more than your kids will. You don't have to be perfect to home school...you just must be willing to improve. Your kids will learn more from your example than from your chosen curriculum. You have the opportunity to teach them that one should never stop growing & learning!


What About Time for Me?

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep, to keep that which he cannot lose."--Jim Elliot, Christian missionary & martyr
         Time is what our lives are made of. How we choose to spend our time will matter long after we are gone. If we wasted most of it, it will matter in what was not accomplished. If we spent time with eternity in mind, it will matter for eternity.
         In choosing to teach your own kids fulltime, you are making a choice not to do certain things that you may enjoy doing. It is harder to get your other jobs, like laundry & housework, done. I am not trying to talk you out of it, I am just being realistic.
         On the other hand, no one is forcing me to do this. This is the choice I have made. I have considered all the options for the use of my time & I have decided to use it to home school my children. It is still my time. No one has stolen it. I control the use of it.
         We live in a society in which we are taught that pleasure & "fun" are the chief end of Man. We are encouraged to be selfish & pleasure-seeking, to "look out for number one."
         There are a lot of things I want to do in my lifetime. I couldn't spend my whole life home schooling my kids even if I wanted to. As I look at my life, I see that there are some things that can only be done now, if they are to be done at all, & that there are other things that can wait until later.
         Now that I am home teaching my kids, I get them during prime time. I know my kids. We have lived together...I have taught them & shared my life with them...I like them. They are people that, for the most part, I really enjoy spending time with.
         My time is something I can give my children now in a way that I won't be able to give them later. It is time that I can be with them & teach them Godly values. I can use situations in our everyday life to illustrate Biblical truth. I will never have this time again. Many things can wait, but kids grow up.
         What are the dividends of teaching your kids at home? First of all, I receive a lot of personal fulfillment. I think I have what so many women are looking for in jobs outside the home & are not finding. I am challenged every day to use wisdom & reasoning powers. I use my mind all the time & I am learning new things every day.
         Secondly, I am able to share special times with my kids that would be impossible if they were not at home with me or I at home with them. We have time to have long talks about serious subjects when the time is just right. I give them tips on parenting & driving & choosing a mate as we go about our normal routine. I am on-the-spot to teach the children how to get along with each other & to explain to them how these skills will help them as adults. We can talk about what the Lord is doing in our family.
         Home schooling involves giving up certain things & rearranging your schedule & priorities, just as any job does.
         I talked to a lady recently whose husband was very excited about home schooling. He was also very supportive & helpful--so long as she did a wonderful job of home teaching. She is an immaculate homekeeper & loves to iron. Her kids play baseball & soccer & take ballet & music lessons. They make a big fuss & make her feel guilty if she goes anywhere without them, even to the grocery store, so, even though she has a teenage daughter, they all go everywhere with her. She & her husband rarely go out alone, but she does go one day a week to a women's Bible study. It is this study that is holding her together. She has gotten to the point where she hates home teaching & can hardly stand the sight of her kids. This makes her feel like a failure as a mother, so she is even less able to say "No" to them. It is a vicious cycle. At some point she needs to decide where she wants to spend her time, then eliminate what doesn't fit. Something has got to give--either some of the children's demands & activities, or the home teaching.
         On the other hand, I know another lady with a different problem. She has many friends & spends a lot of time on the phone. She loves to do crafts & is very good at it. She has been involved in a craft boutique every year at Christmastime, & must spend a great deal of time preparing for it in the fall. She struggles with her laundry & housework & is never caught up. They all like to sleep in. If she can't get away from the house & the kids one morning a week, she feels like she will go crazy. Many days home schooling just doesn't happen. Several things have got to change if home schooling is going to work in this family. Consideration needs to be given as to what is being taught in this home.
         In order to lead a productive life, we must learn to do our work before we play. How can we tell our kids that they must get their schoolwork done before they can play if we sit in a messy house so intent on our hobbies that we forget to fix dinner?
         As for my own personal recreation time, my husband & I have a standing date every Friday night. This is very important to us. I also often take a friend grocery shopping with me when I go at night. This turns a chore into a ladies' night out.
         Here are some ideas that may help you:
         * Realise that home teaching is a job. You are now employed at least part time away from your usual household duties. It will be harder to get the other stuff done.
         As in any other job, you will have a few wonderful days when you feel like you are a real success, some when you feel like a total failure & wonder whatever possessed you to do this, & the rest will be rather humdrum & routine, once you get the hang of it.
         * Avoid reading women's magazines & articles that create discontent. Just as we believe that our children's input should be monitored, we should be careful about what we expose ourselves to also. Read books & articles that support the family & draw you closer to the Lord & His goals in our lives.
         * Teach your children to respect your privacy & time alone. If you have little ones, I recommend daily rest times. Putting the little ones down for a nap & having the older ones on their beds for an hour of looking at books or quiet play, has worked well for me.
         Take time to be alone to think, read & spend time in the Word & in prayer. Take time to collect your thoughts, write a letter or take a nap. Once they learn to respect this, you will find it easier to give your kids the rest of your time.
         * Teach them to respect your time away from them. Our children need to understand that as adults, we have lives of our own, & that we do not exist merely as their caretakers. Our husbands need some individual attention too, & we need it from them. I want my children to see how important my husband & I are to each other. If they see my husband taking me on dates, my sons will learn that this is what husbands are supposed to do! Their wives will thank us! I want my daughters to learn balance from me so that mothering will be easier for them.
         * Decide what has to be eliminated from your life in order to bring in home schooling.
         * Decide what you really want to do for your growth & enjoyment. Figure out where it is in your priorities, then make time for it in your life.
         All this to say that you are in charge of your time, whether you take charge of it or not. The Lord has given us our lives to spend with our free will. He spent His life in service & sacrifice on our behalf. He said, "He who saves his life shall lose it, & he who loses his life for My sake, he it is who finds it." He also set an example for us when He went away by Himself from time to time to be alone with God.
         As mothers, let's go to Jesus & seek His priorities. He will help us find balance in our lives.


What Do the Daddies Do?

         Some fathers are unsure about the idea & have a hard time figuring out what they will tell their friends at work, but often they will give their wives a year to try it. Often these men become the most ardent supporters of home schooling & are very proud of their wives as time goes on. Others concede that it works & give permission for one more year.
         Every dad is different, just as every mom is different. Each family is different just as every child is different. The Bible doesn't say that fathers must be involved in teaching academic subjects, or even in teaching their children their trade.
         What the Bible does say is, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart & with all your soul & with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home & when you walk along the road, when you lie down & when you get up."
         This standard is harder to keep. It involves living it rather than completing a set of prescribed activities. It is a man's heart for God that impresses the commandments on the hearts of the children. If a man has a heart for God, he will naturally talk about it at home & as he walks (or drives) along the road & when he lies down & rises up.
         Children grow up to be well-rounded Christians when they see their parents really living the Christian life.
         My parents trusted Christ as their Saviour when I was four years old. At some point during the next year, I too asked the Lord to forgive my sins & make me a child of God. As my parents grew in the Lord, our home life became an extension of their Christianity.
         I grew up having never heard my mother or father say a mean, hurtful or sarcastic word to each other. They still stand in the kitchen & smooch like they did while I was growing up. When Daddy came home from work, he acted as though his real day had just begun. He wasn't too grumpy or tired to kiss Mom, play with us, or read stories.
         We never got any lectures on "what Christians must or must not do." They just lived it. In short, we were raised by example to believe that there is no more interesting or exciting place to be than where God is at work in people's lives. None of us rebelled & all of us find our greatest joy in serving the Lord in various ways.
         How should fathers be involved in home schooling? Not by following some Man-made standard, but by being obedient to the Word of God.
         When my kids wonder about their Heavenly Father, they should rest in the knowledge that He is like their Daddy. When they think of Heaven, it should comfort them to know that is just like home, only better.


Climbing Mount Never-Rest

         Probably the biggest problem for the home schooling mom is how to get all the other stuff done now that she is spending hours each day teaching her kids.
         I just about went under during the first three years, trying to keep up with home schooling five kids, chasing two toddlers, running our home school group & doing the housework.


Laundry
         Can you imagine my laundry for nine people? I have also had three bed-wetters to keep up with. I have tried many different methods for getting the laundry done. See which ones work best for you:
         1. Each child has his own colour of laundry basket in his room. Into his laundry basket he places his laundry & takes it to the laundry area when you tell him to. When the clothes are clean, you put them in his basket, either folded, or ready for him to fold, & he puts them away.
         2. Each child has his own laundry bag. On this day he brings his clothes & takes care of all the washing, drying & folding of his own clothes. This is after you have instructed him how to use the machinery involved, of course. The disadvantage of this system is that the kids forget that they have something in the washer or dryer, & when it's your turn, the machines are still occupied. A timer is helpful to remind them when it is time for a change.
         3. You have certain times each day when you get in the habit of processing the laundry. For example, before breakfast, during lunch & while dinner is cooking. This can work well with idea #1.
         4. Make it one child's chore to sort & fold socks, another's to fold towels & help do the sheets. Older kids can put the younger kids' clothes away, as well as their own.
         5. Here is a great one: Mark your kids' clothes with dots. One dot for the oldest boy or oldest girl, two dots for the second etc. This way when they are outgrown & handed down to the next child, all you have to do is add a dot. This way someone besides you can properly sort your clothes.
         6. Call the local laundry service to get a price for your kind of volume so that you know how much your time is worth. Don't tell the kids; they might get ideas about a home business.
         7. On the other hand, if you have an older child who would like to be gainfully employed, with a little proper training, you may have a wonderful solution to the laundry blues.


Kids' Chores (Inside Help)
         Most home school books present child labour as a meaningful part of home education as well as the solution to the problems that arise when the mother takes on another fulltime in-home job. It is true that learning the value of work is part of growing up to be a responsible adult, & that industry & resourcefulness should be encouraged. But, "All that glistens is not gold," quoth the Bard.
         We are sinners & our children are sinners & I think it really shows up in the area of chores. I have found that no system ever works for more than a month or so. We must keep coming up with new plans, whips & carrots to keep the little donkeys moving. The other problem is that it takes more effort to keep them doing the work than it would to do the job myself. I tend to taper off until the whole new plan slides into oblivion because I lack the discipline to do my job (making them do the job).
         It is not so much that the children are disobedient about doing their chores. It is usually that they are childish & are much better at only remembering what they want to remember than we are.
         Another problem is that children don't have a complete picture of what needs to be accomplished in a given job. This problem can be solved with proper training, but it needs to be "line upon line, precept upon precept..." again & again & again. Even after all this careful & patient training, quality control is constantly needed for satisfactory results.
         Now for some good ideas & assorted plans of attack. None of them will work forever, but variety is the spice of life. Changing the game plan keeps everyone on their toes & teaches flexibility.
         1. "Chores of the day" plan. Each child is required to do his regular personal care-taking (brush hair, make bed, brush teeth, get dressed etc.) as appropriate to his age. In addition to that, he is assigned one household chore, keyed to his abilities & my schedule.
         2. The "Work with Mom" plan. Each child spends a period of time (15-20 minutes) working with Mom on whatever chores she needs to do. This plan has the advantage of time spent together, & opportunities for thorough training.
         3. The rotating chore plan. This is good for a large family. There is a list of chores that need to be done. Each child has a different job each week on a rotating schedule. The beauty of this program is that no one has the job he hates for more than a week at a time, & no one can say, "You give him all the easy jobs!"


Outside Help
         I finally decided that some of the things I was doing could only be done by me, but there were other things that I was doing (or trying to do) that someone else could do.
         When thinking about hiring household help, some people ask, "Won't my children grow up lazy?" Well, they might. This has been our main concern in having a housekeeper. For this reason I still have chores for the kids to do each day. They take the trash out to the alley, clear the table after dinner, feed the animals & keep the front yard tidy & watered. They aren't allowed to say, "Leticia (our housekeeper) will clean it up" when they make their own messes. One advantage I have seen is that they are getting used to living in an orderly house. I hope they will grow up thinking of order as the norm.
         There is no doubt in my mind that the woman in Proverbs 31 had household help. This was not because she was lazy, but rather because she was so industrious. She understood that she could only do so much & needed help to do more.
         Whether we get help from our kids, our mothers or hired help, it is important to remember that it is our job to keep the house livable. We need to "Look well to the ways of our households."


"Mom, Will You Read Us a Story?"

         When I was growing up, we didn't have a TV & my parents read to us a lot. If you read to your children, they will grow up loving books.
         We are seeing more & more children who are behind in reading ability. Many of these kids have good phonics backgrounds. They can sound out almost any word you put before them. Their problem is comprehension. They read all the words, but still miss what's going on in the story. The question then is, "What is it that people who read well do with groups of words that these kids are not able to do?" The answer is that they convert these groups of words into mental pictures & thus "see" & "hear" what is happening in the story.
         Most of us who read well never give a second thought to this process that occurs automatically for us when we read. We just assume it works about the same for everybody.
         Why isn't it the same? What keeps some people from developing this "word processing" ability? It is my opinion that it is usually the result of too much TV &/or not being read to enough.       When someone is watching TV there is no need for imagination. Children have no trouble with TV comprehension. The kids get the story itself, but have no opportunity or need to become involved in creating the details.
         When we read, the words on the page represent sights, sounds, smells & experiences we remember from real life & then bring to our imaginations to become a part of the story we are reading. This takes a certain amount of attentive effort, certainly more than watching it happen on TV.
         Another problem with TV is that it requires only a very limited attention commitment to get the whole story. Reading demands attention & recall over a much longer period of time.
         Often a child with reading problems had his first extended encounter with books & stories when he was learning to read. He was then faced not only with the task of decoding the words, but also with making sense out of bunches of words put together. The latter skill is not learning by rote & takes more time to acquire. Because of this, the new reader has a problem not only with the words, but with the story (comprehension) as well.
         It is a different situation with the child that has been read to. He is not processing individual words, but the groups of words that come in a continual flow as the story is read. The reader's reaction & tone of voice help bring out the sense of the words. The imagination creates an unfolding picture.
         Listening comprehension is essential to reading comprehension. When a child listens to a story, the words go in the ears & are converted into mental images. In reading, the exact same process takes place, except that the words enter through the eyes. If a child has been read to, he has already acquired many of the comprehension skills, so all that he needs is to be able to read the words. When he can decode the words themselves, he should be able to comprehend anything he reads which is on his thinking level.
         Read to your children. Teach subjects like history & science by reading the textbook aloud & discussing it. Have them take turns reading it aloud with you. Have them do the assignments & answer the questions aloud. You will need to do more of the reading for children who haven't yet learned to decode & comprehend at the same time, but their comprehension skills will grow in the process.
         Put yourself into it & read with expression; the kids love it! All skills improve with practice, & the more you read aloud, the better you will do it.
         If you really want to see your child become a reader, I would suggest that you require forty-five minutes to an hour of independent reading per day for the fairly good readers, eight years or older. This is a time during which they may read a book of their choice & they may do nothing else. I find that a good time for this is after lunch.
         Read aloud to your children a lot! Make it your goal to get your kids reading for themselves. You will never regret it & they will always be grateful to you for it.


A School & Her Money Are Soon Parted

         Your decision to home school was only the beginning of many difficult choices. You are now a consumer in a whole new field. It seems that every home school group, book company, toy company, home business & educational expert has "just the thing you need to do right by your child."
         You are a sitting duck for educational suppliers. Beware! Without a plan, you will buy & buy & buy & still feel that you don't have it covered. Unless you have a teaching background or are very confident & creative, you will feel insecure about pulling a curriculum out of the air.
         Most subjects are best taught "line upon line, precept upon precept." Changing approach several times during the year may end up confusing the child. It is my advice, especially if it is your first year, that you find a good, complete curriculum & stick with it for one year.


Approach
         Try to understand the characteristics of each curriculum & be realistic about the time required to prepare lessons. The more kids you have, the less time you have.
         First there are the unit study programs. Unit study programs are full of wonderful ideas & projects. These programs appear to be timesavers because they are multi-level & can be used with all of your kids at once. The hitch is that unit studies programs often require a great deal of preparation. Go to the library & round up the needed resource books; you must have on hand all the necessary equipment for any projects in the unit.
         On the other hand, we have the "programmed learning" type of curriculum. In these programs the child works in workbooks all the time & the mother has virtually no preparation to do & minimal teaching. This is not a bad approach if the child is reading well & needs an environment with achievable goals. It is a timesaver for the mom who must work outside the home, or who has just had twins.
         This type of program is not without its drawbacks, however. A student without good reading skills will do poorly & will tend to feel frustrated & overwhelmed. Even for good readers, the disadvantage is that most of the learning is by rote; the lessons rely on short-term rather than long-term memory.
         Programmed learning material is presented in short paragraphs, followed by questions requiring short answers. This continues until the self-test is reached.
         Often there is not a sense of continuity in a subject area since each booklet more or less stands alone. The student may know a lot of facts but be missing the whole picture of how all the facts fit together. Even kids who do well often get bored, since the format is always the same. It is important to add creative writing, discussion & independent reading to programs of this type.
         Before you buy a curriculum, it is a good idea to find out what the authors are teaching in addition to academic subjects.


Textbooks
         We need to build a child's knowledge from the foundation up in an orderly manner, & yet do it at a pace that matches the child's abilities & interest. Good textbooks give us order & direction & stimulate interest, but we need to use wisdom as to how much or little time we spend on a given concept. The object is not to finish the books by June 5th. Our goal should be to teach the child what he needs to know, & not move on until he is proficient. There is no point in teaching division if a child doesn't know his multiplication facts. On the other hand, there is no point in doing ten pages of multiplication drill just because they're in the book if he already knows them well. Perhaps five review problems a day would suffice to keep him from getting rusty.


Christian Textbooks
         The two biggest publishers of textbooks for Christian schools are A Beka Books & Bob Jones University Press.
         A Beka stresses accelerated learning on all levels. Third-grade secular math books were adapted & made into second-grade texts, & so on down the line.
         This program includes a lot of drill & practice, so there is a lot of busywork that the home schooler may want to eliminate. The developers want their kindergarten students to be reading by Christmas. As a result, there is a lot of pressure on these little guys. Children in lower grades are also made to do a lot of writing practice, which most home schoolers do not feel is appropriate for five- & six-year-olds.
         Skills are mastered primarily through rote memorisation & drill, rather than through comprehension & application. It is the difference between memorising the parts of a flower & taking several flowers apart to compare them.
         If the recommended pace is followed, these kids will spend hours in their books & become good studiers. Some kids in Christian schools using this program cannot take the pressure & burn out, becoming academic casualties.
         A number of home schoolers enjoy using A Beka textbooks without the teacher's guides & busywork. Many of these books are well written & provide a good Christian slant on history & science.
         Bob Jones University Press is a relative newcomer to the Christian textbook scene. Some are a little concerned about using curriculum from Bob Jones University because of their judgmental attitude towards the rest of the Christian community. The books looked so good, however, that I decided to try a few & I was won over.
         In using Bob Jones University books over the last four years I have seen nothing of a judgmental, legalistic attitude. The educational philosophy of Bob Jones University Press is that children need to understand what they are learning.
         The goal of the program is to produce Christians who can think, not merely perform. Kids are not pushed to learn skills they are not ready for or that they don't understand. There is very little busywork. Drill activities are short & designed to build & reinforce concepts that are already understood by the child.
         The teaching is done aloud using big fat teacher's manuals. These manuals do everything except tell you when to inhale & exhale, which is wonderful if you haven't the foggiest idea of how to teach a child to read.
         I find that the Bob Jones University teacher's manuals are a great help. Without them I tend to expect way too much of my kids in each subject. They are very realistic in their expectations of the kids, which I still need even after doing this for five years.
         Bob Jones University has put on teacher workshops for home schoolers that are very practical, & publish a quarterly newsletter called "The Home School Helper." These people really believe that parents can & should be able to do a good job teaching their own kids.


Secular Textbooks
         This may sound like heresy, but a good secular textbook is better than a lousy "Christian" textbook. Truth is truth, no matter who says it, & poor teaching is still poor, even when sprinkled with Bible verses.
         What is a secular textbook? It is a book written usually by a non-Christian, for the purpose of teaching academic subjects. Some of these books, such as those offered through the Calvert Correspondence Course, do an exceptional job of teaching.
         Secular textbooks vary widely in the presentation of secular values, & the older they are, the less likely they are to be offensive. "The Golden Rule Reading Series," published in the 1950s by the State of California, is full of wonderful character-building stories & some of these stories are from the Bible. These are the books that were reprinted by A Beka for their reading program. Care needs to be taken, however, with math books written in the 1960s & 70s because "new math" was being pushed at that time, & proved to be a failure.
         If you are using a secular textbook, you should pre-read everything your children are reading. This is especially true for the more subjective areas such as reading, social studies & science, & more so if the books were published after 1975. Even in math books, word problems may emphasise women in non-traditional roles & other off-the-wall propaganda that you wouldn't expect to find in a math book. These objectional items do not necessarily mean you should toss out the books. They can be the basis for some lively discussion.
         A well-educated Christian child should at some point be exposed to how the World thinks. This is best done in a controlled situation, such as a home school. The parent needs to bring this kind of thinking into the light of Scripture, & expose it as a lie. If you are not willing to go to this extra work, or do not know how to recognise humanistic teaching, do not use secular textbooks. Even if they are free, they are not worth it.


Cost
         Choose your curriculum carefully. If you have a large family, it is important to also consider whether your chosen curriculum is of the quality that will hold up to long use. Workbooks must be purchased each year for each grade. The initial cost is low, but over a three- or four-year period you will spend over twice as much on workbooks as on a hardbound program. Paperbound texts don't hold up well over the long haul, but hardbound books do. Since I have seven kids, I already have most of what I need in hardbound books, & therefore I don't spend that much any more.


Guidelines for Selecting Curriculum
         * Curriculum is built from any item that helps you teach a subject. This includes things like dominos & coins for math, or a globe for social studies.
         * Not all curriculum needs to be bought & paid for. Library books can be used for science, social studies & literature, & you can share books with other home schoolers.
         * Keep in mind your own personality when considering a purchase. Do you like research & intricate projects that require prior preparation time? Then you might enjoy the unit-study method used in KONOS, Weaver, or the Principle Approach. If you like everything already organised & spelled out, you should go for a traditional textbook & teacher's manual.
         * Keep in mind the personality of your child. Would he feel a sense of accomplishment upon completing a workbook? Or is it like pulling teeth to get him to write his name on a paper? This child would do better with hands-on materials & oral work.
         * If you don't like a subject (e.g., math), ask the Lord to increase your interest & ability. Your attitude will be reflected in your kids. I have learned math right along with my kids. Since it is hard for me, I feel I am better able to help my kids when it is hard for them. If they see me learning, they will learn too, & realise that people can learn all their lives.
         * Plan to buy items throughout the year: Christmas, birthdays, or when the enthusiasm is flagging.
         * Remember: Teachers teach, books don't. An item is only as valuable as the amount of use it receives. The actual amount of learning that takes place depends on you & your child.
         Many good seminars & workshops are geared to home schooling parents. Go to them! Takes notes, hear new ideas & meet people. It may be that what you are doing is not what the speaker said, but it is working well for you. When you get home, think about what you have been doing, figure out if you need to make changes. If so, make a plan to implement these changes & give it your best shot. Remember too, if you have a good complete curriculum you probably don't need what they are selling.
         In all of this it is important to keep in mind your goals of teaching the "whole" child. Remember that your best teaching tool is your life. We need to be examples of diligence, patience, longsuffering, joy, peace & a sense of humour. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day.


High School Recommendations
         English: By now your teenager should be able to express himself well in writing. He should be able to describe, explain, defend, inform & correspond. He should be able to use & understand a large vocabulary, spell correctly (or use a dictionary), punctuate, capitalise & use proper grammar. If he can't, you have your work cut out for you & you should consider using a lower (seventh or eighth) grade curriculum in this area.
         Math: If the student is performing at grade level, he already has all the basic math skills he needs. If he is performing below grade level, a remedial course emphasising practical, everyday use of mathematics is in order, & he should become adept with a calculator. It is wise for your child to get as much math under his belt as is reasonable, because quitting too soon will limit his possibilities for the future.
         Social Studies: If the child is a poor reader, this subject could be handled by a lower level textbook or by Mom reading aloud. Remember, if your child does not have the 3 R's down by now, emphasise them over social studies.
         Science: Once again, science is of low priority for the kid who doesn't have his basics down. If covered at all, it should be taught with materials at the child's reading level or by projects & read aloud with Mom.
         Miscellaneous: If he does not already have these skills, your high-schooler should learn to type & to administer first aid.


Comment on Using the Local Junior College
         These colleges are hotbeds of secular humanism. It is often the goal of the teachers to make major changes in the thinking of the students at this crucial time in their lives. Keep up with what is happening in your child's classes & talk about what is being taught.


Testing...1-2-3

         Most home schooling mothers view achievement testing with a certain degree of nervousness. This is completely normal & understandable. After all, I am being tested just as certainly as my child is.


Why Should Our Kids Be Tested?
         The achievement test results will provide an unbiased evaluation of our child's progress in basic subject areas. We want to know if he is where he should be, & look forward to receiving information about his strengths & weaknesses. Usually we have found that the test scores confirm what the mother had already thought about her child's performance.
         The test may point out weaknesses in your curriculum or teaching, enabling you to adjust your style, provide supplemental or remedial work, & in general keep you on the right track.
         Testing your child shows those standing around watching you that you are not afraid of an objective analysis. You are not trying to hide anything from yourself or them. Many fathers who were quite unsure about home schooling felt much better after seeing some solid test scores. Grandparents are also reassured by numbers. So are some school authorities.


How Should They Be Tested?
         The best place for testing seems to be the same environment in which the child is schooled: In his own home, by his own mother. A test administered by a stranger in an unfamiliar place will not be as accurate because of the stress involved.
         Professionals usually frown on a test administered by nonprofessionals. However, as a certified teacher in the public schools, I administered standardised tests with no training whatsoever. The instructions are quite complete.
         The most common procedure is to read the instructions aloud to the children exactly as they are written. You give him the practice questions provided to make sure he understands what to do. Then you set the timer & leave him alone to work. Your sole responsibility now is to make sure he does not cheat & is not unduly disturbed, & to stop him when his time is up.
         A perhaps more valid objection to mother-administered tests is the fact that the mother is not a neutral party. As the child's parent & teacher, she has a lot at stake in his performance, & might be tempted to help him. But why would you want to do that? As a mother, you more than anyone should want an accurate measurement of your child's achievement (& your own). Be sure you do follow the proper procedures. Don't explain what questions mean or help him with words he does not know.
         If you are the one who wants the test results, there should be no problem with doing the testing yourself. However, if some official (as under a court order) wants an evaluation, find a credentialed teacher to administer the test.
         Do the testing for a couple of hours a day (about the same period of time you would normally conduct school) & allow a short break every hour or so. This will spread most tests over two or three days.
         (Editor: Standardised tests are often misused in the school system. However, if your school district requires testing, it seems to be a fairly simple thing to comply with, as long as you yourself do not put too much emphasis on them, & do not make the children feel pressured that their performance is overly important. Help the kids overcome any nervousness or worry by telling them that the tests will just help you both to know what areas they need to work on. Good test results are a good testimony & will help keep you out of trouble with the school board, and home schoolers generally score well above the average.)


How Do I Read Test Scores?
         Most achievement test results are given in raw scores, grade equivalent scores & percentile scores.
         Raw Score: A raw score basically just tells how many questions the child answered correctly. It does not help much in determining how well the child did.
         Grade-Equivalent Score: The grade-equivalent score is given in a decimal format. For example, a score of 5.7 means that your children performed at a level of fifth grade in the seventh month. This means that your child did as well on this test as an average child in the seventh month of fifth grade would do on this level of the test.
         Suppose your second-grader scores 5.7 in math. It does not mean that your child is working at a fifth-grade, seventh-month level. If he had taken the fifth-grade test, he most likely would not have scored at this level. You should not assume that he already knows all that he needs to know to be a fifth-grader. As his teacher you know that there is a lot of information between second & fifth grade that he doesn't know. He should not immediately be jumped from second- to fifth-grade curriculum. However, this high score may indicate that this is a strong area for him, & perhaps you can move more rapidly through the material. Maybe you can even skip certain concepts you know he understands well. Avoiding busywork is one of the advantages of home schooling.
         Percentile Score: A percentile score compares your child to other children in his grade level. A percentile score is not to be confused with the percentage of questions answered correctly. A percentage score of 67 means that for every hundred questions, sixty-seven were answered correctly. A percentile score of 67 means that out of one hundred children in the same grade who took this test, this child scored better than sixty-seven of them.


How Do Home-Taught Children Perform on Achievement Tests?
         In our experience, home-taught children tend to score well above the 50th percentile. By the very nature of percentile, in an average group half of the children would score below 50 & half at or above 50. As a group, therefore, home-taught children seem to do better than average.


Why Did My Child Test Poorly?
         There are several possibilities. Perhaps he is a slow starter. Perhaps there are learning disabilities. Does your child have trouble learning? You can't beat it into him. "The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." But don't give up either. Be persistent. Try every approach possible. Often children who appear to have learning disabilities are those who have been or are expected to perform beyond their maturity level. Take off the pressure to perform, but don't remove discipline from his life. This child needs a consistent order to his day & loving, reasonable expectations for his behaviour. Talk to other parents who have similar situations & continue to look for new approaches.
         Perhaps your child scored poorly because he just doesn't test well. Perhaps you are home teaching because your child was doing poorly in conventional school. In this case, it will take time to bring him up to grade level.
         On the other hand, perhaps your child tested poorly because you didn't do your job:
         * Was I diligent to be sure that I spent a proper amount of time schooling? Is it possible that I tried to continue doing all the things that I did before I began home teaching, & couldn't fit the schooling in? Maybe I was too busy helping others. It may be that I have three toddlers, & it just hasn't worked out. Maybe I was selfish & undisciplined & neglected my responsibility to my child.
         * It is possible that the time I did spend schooling was not used effectively? Perhaps I catered too much to my child, allowing him to decide what would be studied & when. After all, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child." Children do not naturally know what's good for them. It is the adult that needs to have the long-range view, & set & enforce educational goals to ensure that the child will be well-equipped as an adult.
         * Perhaps my child just didn't cooperate with what I asked him to do. If I don't consistently require obedience from him, he can easily avoid schoolwork by dawdling & fooling around & complaining.


Do Home-Taught Children Show Any Special Strengths or Weaknesses?
         Home-taught children tend to score highest in reading. Home schoolers tend to score lowest in math computation, although they often know the material & do very well on the part they do complete. This may be because we tend to stress accuracy & understanding over speed & sheer volume of work...Rightly so, I believe.
         However, part of the reason may be that our children are unaccustomed to putting their hand to a not-so-pleasant task & cranking out the work. It is important to teach our children to be diligent as well.
         Similarly, home schoolers generally score significantly lower on the capitalisation & punctuation than they do on the language usage section. It is not understanding that is the problem but mechanics. Home school moms often do not sufficiently emphasise those skills that tend to be boring & require a certain amount of drill. A little diligent work can easily propel your children ahead in these mechanical areas.


What Should My Attitude Towards Testing Be?
         There is no reason for either parent or child to be anxious about achievement testing. If I feel pressured, my child will pick up on it & may not do as well on the test because he is nervous or upset.
         Present the test to your children as a tool designed to show you what they already know. Explain to them that it will help you decide what they still need to learn. Let the child know that the heat is on you, not on him. To a home teacher, the real value of testing is that it makes you aware of any areas of strength or weakness, so that you can teach more effectively.
         If properly handled, testing time can be a pleasant break in the normal school routine. The tests are really rather like a game or a puzzle, once the pressure is off.


What Should My Attitude Toward Test Scores Be?
         Although most of us desire academic excellence in our children, it is not the primary reason we have chosen to home school. We home school because we desire to obey God, & have decided before Him to use this method to bring up our children in the nurture & admonition of the Lord.
         We desire first of all that our children will come to know Christ as Saviour & Lord, & that they will continue to love, obey & trust Him. We desire that they will learn to be loving, kind, merciful & forgiving towards their family as well as towards the rest of the World. We desire that they will develop the courage & conviction to stand up for God in the midst of a crooked & perverse generation. We desire that they will mature into responsible adults: Husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, employers, employees, neighbours, citizens & members of the body of Christ.
         Achievement tests do not measure any of these. They do not measure Godliness or character, nor do they measure creativity, communication skills, sense of humour, general knowledge & a host of other valuable traits. Therefore, whether our children fare well or ill when tested, we need to keep the matter in the proper perspective.
         Relax. Don't forget that the test measures only what it was designed to measure: Academic performance in selected areas. The things that are most important in God's eyes are not & cannot be measured by an achievement test.


Scheduling: A Glimpse of Reality

"If you aim at nothing, you are sure to hit it."--Smart archer

         Generally people fall into two categories with respect to their overall approach to scheduling. We tend to be either more structured or unstructured by nature.
         The structured have a tendency to shoot too high, feel like they can never quite do it right & may fall apart if life becomes too unpredictable.
         Unstructureds, on the other hand, tend to have very broad & noble goals but no concrete means of accomplishing them.
         There is no ideal schedule for every family. Most families find it works best to concentrate on the academics in the morning, & depending on the age of the children, to use the afternoon for free play, independent reading, projects, chores &/or outside classes etc. The children are usually at their best in the morning, & probably Mom is too.
         It is important that you do what you can to make it possible to follow a schedule. This means informing all of your friends & relations (sweetly, of course) that since you now have a job, you won't be able to receive visitors or calls during school hours. For those calls that you cannot prevent or postpone, we have found an answer phone to be a real blessing. Try to let people know that you have this wonderful little device in order to help them. This way they will not have to worry about disturbing your class time, nor will they be frustrated by a busy signal. If you use a machine, please be courteous enough to return calls at the soonest possible time. It is rude to say you will return a call & then not do it. It is also a lie.
         Schedule the rest of your life, as much as possible, around your school schedule, rather than the other way around. Try to make dental & medical appointments after school, as well as other events within your control. Sometimes you will want to interrupt school for other activities, but it's better to make that the exception rather than the rule. Remember, you want a balance between flexibility & rigidity.
         Flexibility within your school schedule is very important, One of the beauties of home teaching is that we can take advantage of the spontaneity of the moment. Spend the day doing science if everyone is excited about it. Keep reading an exciting book if no one can stand to stop without finding out what happens. If you are studying pronouns & a strange blue polka-dot bug crawls across the table, by all means drop English & check out the bug! When it comes to school, variety is the spice of life; but on the other hand, a diet of spices alone is neither tasty nor nutritious. So once again, keep a balance.


Teaching Several Grades at Once

         Please keep in mind that in any area where individual human beings are involved there are no pat answers. I have taught differently every year, depending on the ages of my kids. I will give you some ideas on how to look at the problem & some possible solutions, & then you will need to pray & think & experiment to find out what works best for you.
         To begin, it is important to remember what it is you are trying to accomplish. For most of us the goal is to instill Godly values in our children & to teach them the skills they will need to become productive adults. In light of this, here are some things to remember:
         * Academically, the "Three R's" are the most important things for the kids to learn. In order to function well as adults, they must learn how to read well, express themselves well in writing, using good spelling & proper grammar, & be able to solve any kind of practical mathematical problem they may come up against.
         * Science & social studies can be learned in any order & pretty much at any time. At some point each child should learn about history & what molecules are, but not at the expense of reading, writing & math.
         * In our American public school system there are very few real academic standards. You must meet certain criteria to enter the four-year college of your choice, but even these vary depending on the college & the reason you are going there. For this reason colleges primarily depend on objective standardised testing for their entrance qualifications.
         There is no standard scope & sequence for subjective areas such as history & science. At some point children should study history & understand government. They should also have a clear picture of the history of the World. It is very important for them to see that the external events of history are the symptoms of spiritual & moral battles in the hearts of people living as nations.
         With these things in mind, you can then have more flexibility as you plan your curriculum for several levels at once. For example, if you have a second, fourth & fifth-grader, you can read a fourth or fifth grade level social studies text aloud to them all & do the questions orally.
         If one child needs extra help, get the other kids going on their work & give the needy one some time. On a day where you can't stand over them every minute, or you need to run errands, write out what pages you expect them to get done & check it over during lunch.
         Make good use of non-school time. Talk to your kids. One day we saw a sign announcing the centennial for our town. After we talked about that, we got into a long lesson on Latin. We talked about all uni, duo, tri, qua, quint, sept, oct, nov & dec words. Identify the trees on your street & study them. Study your pets & their parasites. One of the very best things you can give your kids is an active curiosity. Take the time to pull over to the side of the road to find out what crop is growing there. Pull down some of those bumpy leaves to see why they are like that. If you don't know, try to find out. Some of your best teaching will be spontaneous, so keep your ears & eyes open.
         Remember, too, that you don't have to do all of the wonderful things you hear about in workshops & seminars. Do what you can. God knows, & you ought to know, that all you can do is your best. Do what you can do to the best of your ability, & don't dwell on what you are not able to do right now. There is absolutely no point in it. Guilt uses up precious energy &, if you are like me, you can't afford to waste any. You are probably doing a great job, & I think you are wonderful!


But What About Babies & Toddlers?
         * It is a good idea to get your baby into some sort of routine during the day. Most babies take a morning & an afternoon nap. Try to teach your older kids during this time rather than doing the housework. Teaching needs quiet, but the dishes don't.
         * If the baby is not a napper, make good use of your swing, playpen, backpack, front carrier & floor basket. It is my feeling, however, that if he is fussing all that time he probably needs a nap & should be put to bed. It is very difficult to teach if your baby uses your breast as a nose warmer all morning.
         * Teach each of the older kids in fifteen-minute turns, while the other is walking the baby in the stroller around the house or up & down the sidewalk.
         * While you work one-on-one with one child, have the other sibling take the toddler.
         * When they begin to crawl & walk, give them things to get into so they don't get into your things. Fill a basket & a box with toys for them to dump out & scatter around. Put plastic containers & dishes in a bottom cupboard & drawer for them to unload.
         * For preschoolers it is a good idea to sit down & read to them for ten minutes or so before you begin schoolwork with the big ones. Plan for the older children to do their chores or have independent reading during this time.
         * Hire someone to come in for two hours a day or two or three hours three mornings a week to run herd on the little ones. Pay as you would a baby-sitter. Have this person take the littlest ones for a walk, give them a bath, supervise their play, or do a craft. This person could watch & change the baby & bring him to you to be nursed if needed. This frees you to really be with the kids you are teaching for a consistent block of time.
         * If you have a close friend who also has toddlers & a school-age child the same age as yours, you might consider a swap. Maybe she would rather have the little ones for the morning & you would rather teach, or vice versa. Such arrangements can work well if there is agreement in areas such as discipline, nutrition & expectations of each other.
         Remember to be flexible. You will not be able to have a schedule that is the same every day. Have long-range goals that you keep in mind over daily goals. Every day will be different, so you must expect it, accept it & even plan for it. If you can decide ahead of time that this is not a problem, then you will be ahead of the game. Don't waste energy trying to change the unchangeable. Look at your situation, be realistic about it, & then work with it.
         Every week is different. There are doctor's appointments, sickness, out-of-town visitors & holidays. There are good days, bad days & crazy days. Every year is different. One year it's toddlers & potty training, & in no time it's teenagers & all that goes with them. This year maybe you have money, but maybe next year you won't. Now you may have three kids, but you may be blessed with six later on. Nothing stays the same except the faithfulness of God. Put your energies into the things that will matter twenty years from now & for eternity. Don't get excited or upset about things that won't matter tomorrow, or next week, or a month from now or even next year. Keep an eternal perspective by looking to the Lord. Read His Word to find out what the truly important things are from His point of view, & concentrate on them.


Help! It's Not Working!

         What about the home schooled child who scores low, refuses to write, can't read at age eleven & who simply can't understand fractions?
         Thousands of kids in the school system of our country have the same problems & much worse. If, say, 15 percent of all kids have some learning difficulties, it is inevitable that some of these children will be home taught. As a caring mother, you are much more likely to be able to make headway with a child who learns differently. Such a child in the system is often labeled as a loser, but you can work with the problems while supporting & encouraging the character & uniqueness of your child. All of the tools available to teachers in the school system are also available to you, & you can give your child far more time, love, discipline & support than can be given in a classroom. Take heart!


Reading
         If there is one thing every child must learn, it is how to read. But I have at least five friends with ten- & eleven-year-old children who are not reading. Most of these are girls. They can barely remember the sounds of the letters, & by the time they have "sounded out" a word, they can't remember what the word is.
         All of these children are very bright. They remember every detail of a story that is read to them. They can memorise a long poem & passages of Scripture. Many are very artistic & can draw very well.
         Kids like this meet the description of a strong right hemisphere learner. What does that mean? Don't worry. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your child. It just means he learns differently than the majority of the population. Right-brained child tend to be creative rather than logical. They have difficulty making associations & transferring learned information from one experience to the next. For example with phonics, such a child can make the sounds but not read the words. Even if the child can figure out the words, he needs to sound them out each time he comes to them & loses the sense of the passage. In math, he may know his addition facts but not know how to apply addition in problem-solving.
         Here are some things to try if you have a child like this. Remember, most kids learn better with phonics, but this kind of child needs a different approach.--No philosophy or methods of Man, no matter how wonderful or perfect. Only the Word of God applies to every person in every situation.
         * Use a sight reading method to teach reading. Remember your goal: Not to teach your child phonics, but to teach him to read. Phonics is merely one method of teaching reading. If phonics isn't doing the trick, don't feel obliged to stick with it.
         A child who strongly favours the right hemisphere of his brain may do better with the sight reading method. This will relieve him of the tedium of sounding out words & move him directly into reading.
         Use the books you already have & make flash cards of the words. Encourage the child to see the words as units. When he asks what a word is, tell him. Use sentences from the text & print them on a piece of paper. Then have the child create the same sentences using flash cards. He can copy them on paper to emphasise proper spelling. If needed, put pictures on the word cards at first. Advance from looking at a sentence & recreating it with flash cards to hearing a sentence & recreating it with flash cards.
         There is no need to stick to the traditional baby words used in beginning readers. It is just as easy, if not easier, to recognise a word like "gigantic" by sight as a word like "big." And besides, it will make your child who has been struggling so long & showing little progress feel like he is really getting somewhere. Build the child's sight vocabulary by labeling items around the house & pointing out roadside words.
         Let the child make up a story & dictate it to you. You write it out & have the child read it aloud for several days. Use these sentences for word card matching. Then have him copy his story.
         Use singing & rhythm to teach. Find songs & clapping games for the rules of spelling & grammar.
         * After the child has learned plenty of words by sight, begin pointing out how sounds within different words are the same & use the same letters. Use word families to show this: Cat, fat, rat, pat, sat, tag, sag, bag, lag etc. Both Bob Jones University & "Play 'N Talk" use a word family approach.
         * As the child begins to read, have him read into a tape recorder. After several weeks, replay the whole tape so he can hear for himself how much he has improved. This is even better than telling him he is doing well.
         Once a child begins to see that words represent objects & ideas & can read, then he can learn phonetic principles that will help him with his spelling & with words he has never seen before.
         Remember, to the experienced reader nearly all words eventually become sight words no matter how they were learned initially. It is a great handicap to depend on phonics alone for every word you encounter.


Spelling
         Some people just can't spell, so we need to be patient & teach them to use a dictionary. Good spellers seem to absorb it as they read; they "just know" how to spell.
         A good spelling program will teach generalisations about the way words are put together & to break up words into syllables, which is also a big help to poor spellers.
         Don't hesitate to resort to trickery, rhymes & silliness to teach spelling. Teach your child to be an overcomer by telling him it is a weak point & by teaching him to use the dictionary. Use a good spelling program, but don't expect him to remember all those words. Don't grade for spelling on compositions, but use the words he misspells for spelling words. If you have a computer, let your child use a word processor with a spelling checker for letter writing & final drafts.


Handwriting
         Don't let your children practice bad handwriting. If they are too young to write neatly, don't have them write. Good handwriting comes with physical maturity. If you wait, they will do better with less struggle.
         But when it comes to handwriting, do teach handwriting! For handwriting practice, the children can learn Scripture verses & write them on border pages each week which they decorate. An older child with poor handwriting could be encouraged to print neatly, type or learn calligraphy rather than settle for sloppy work.


Math
         Manipulatives are objects which the child can manipulate to help him understand (visualise) the concepts of mathematics & solve problems. Manipulatives are good for introducing a new topics & for explaining a trouble area in a different way.
         Blocks are my favourite manipulative because they are a convenient size (large enough for childish hands to move around easily, but not so big as to become a building project), a good shape (they make rectangles, stacks & rows) & they don't roll off the table like marbles. Coins can be used for place value & decimals. Fraction circles (paper plates) can really make fractions come alive. So often children have no trouble with math once they can see it.
         Most children seem to learn math most easily with wisely chosen manipulatives. These help them to understand what is actually going on behind those symbols & numbers. However, if manipulatives are confusing your child, drop them. Some kids do better with just memorising a method & cranking out the answers. So use what works.
         You must teach your child the multiplication tables! I know of no way to accomplish this without rote memorisation. Don't hesitate to use flash cards. They are much less offensive to most children than page upon page of problems. Addition & subtraction can conceivably be counted on fingers & toes, but it is almost impossible to manage without knowing multiplication facts by heart. Almost all other math operations depend on these facts. If a child does not know them, he can advance beyond multiplication, but every step will be a struggle & an embarrassment.
         One of the most common troubles in math is that the child becomes proficient with one skill, then learns a new one & forgets the old. The only way I know to prevent this is with frequent, even daily, review. This need not be drill. One problem of each type ought to do it. If the child misses one type of problem, have him do it again, explaining each step to you. He will probably find his mistake. If he doesn't, do it with him, & then do some more until he begins to get them right.
         One possibility is to get a workbook full of drill questions & assign as a matter of course one problem from each section per day.
         If your high school student is unable to do basic math, get him a calculator & teach him to use it. He obviously is not headed for a career in computer programming & does not really need higher math. He can even survive very well without knowing how to add, subtract, multiply & divide fractions, which can't be done on a calculator. He should be able to measure with fractions, however. Teach him to balance a chequebook, comparison shop & other survival skills often taught in consumer math books.


If All Else Fails...
         It may be that your child really does have some sort of special learning problem. If you have tried what you consider to be all the angles, it would probably be a good idea to have some special testing done. There are tests which diagnose learning problems & then provide new approaches to teaching, custom-fitted to your child. Call a local Christian school or counselor for information on what is available. Some types of testing may be available at little or no cost through your local college or university.
         Don't hesitate to rattle some doorknobs to see if the Lord will open any doors. Take each child, each year & each situation one at a time. Each is unique. Pray about it. Go to the Word. Talk to your husband. Together, look at all the information you have & make a decision. No decision of this kind is cast in cement; you can always change if you feel you have made a big mistake.


Making Them Do It

         Before we go any further, it is important that we get straight some basic facts about parents & children. Where do we get these facts? From the Bible. Why do we go to the Bible to find out about parents & children? Because the Bible is the Owner's Manual for human beings, issued by the Maker in order that we fulfill the purpose for which we were intended & in so doing get the most out of our lives.


What is Not True
         First I would like to talk about what is not true about parents & children. There is a very strong humanistic voice in the child-rearing circles of our society. Here is what this voice says:
         * Children are born into this World totally innocent & sinless. Left to their own inclinations, they will do what is right.
         * Children are incredibly open, selfless & pure: A blank slate on which the World (& especially the parents) may write.
         * Children are very fragile. You never know when some seemingly small thing could produce lifelong problems later in life. Parents must be very careful not to upset them.
         * Children instinctively know what they need, so we must take our cues from them.
         * Children who are given all that they need will grow up to be marvellously loving, good & unselfish. This is because they will never have felt unloved due to unmet "needs."
         * There is some question as to whether one human being has the right to enforce his will upon another. This is especially true since the child is pure & good, & the mother may still be working through problems of her own stemming from the traumas of her own childhood.
         This philosophy is pure humanism. It comes from the belief that Man is basically good, that he is the end-product of millions of years of evolution & can attain the highest good, given the proper environment & encouragement. Humanists teach that a child is born into the World with everything he needs to become whatever he wants to become. If he doesn't achieve his full potential, it is because he wasn't made aware of his potential, was damaged emotionally at some point, or was not given a nurturing environment in which to develop.
         This is the child-rearing philosophy that is taught, with varying degrees of emphasis, all over our country (& in other countries as well) by a large organisation that was originally formed to help nursing mothers. This way of thinking about parents & children is being swallowed hook, line & sinker by many Christian women across the country who don't have the discernment to compare what they are hearing with what the Bible teaches. It is very appealing because it seems so gentle & loving, so "pro-motherhood" in a careerist society.
         A good steak dinner laced with strychnine is far more dangerous than a clearly marked bottle, especially if you are hungry. The church & the extended family have failed to offer much needed support to new mothers. Older woman are to "train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children...that the Word of God may not be dishonoured." The World has stepped in with tainted help.


What Does the Bible Teach?
         * Children are born into the World with a sinful nature. The Bible teaches that evil comes from within the heart of Man rather than from outside influences.
         It is hard to see a tiny baby as a sinner, but we know that it is true because the Bible says it is true. Just as adult giraffes give birth to baby giraffes, adult sinners give birth to baby sinners.
         * Children are foolish & self-centered. Foolishness is the belief that "I will be happy if I can have what I want." Children do not need to be taught to be selfish & mean, tell lies, take things that they know do not belong to them, hit, kick, bite & pull hair. They must be taught not to do these things. (Prov.22:15.)
         * If children are not trained & disciplined, they will become a grief to their parents & a cancer to society. (Prov.29:15.)
         * It is the parents' God-given responsibility to train up their children. (Prov.29:17; 22:6; Deut.6:6,7.)
         * It is better to discipline them with a rod than to allow them to grow up to be fools. (Prov.23:13,14.)
         * A child who is not disciplined by his parents will grow up feeling unloved. (Heb.12:5-11.)
         What a contrast we see here! The Biblical view is 100 percent opposite to the humanistic view.
         My heart really goes out to these ladies who are trying to raise their kids the humanistic way. They try so hard, but their children's very nature is against them. From "nursing on demand" they progress to "life on demand." The World revolves around a child who is not only selfish & foolish, but also smart enough to take advantage of his mother's helpless adoration.
         I am all for breastfeeding. I nursed all my babies on demand for the first few months until each child & I found a comfortable schedule. I have had four of my seven babies at home, taught childbirth preparation classes for both home & hospital births, delivered a few babies, helped many breastfeeding mothers & am, in short, very much into mothering. I am not a child hater or an abusive mother.
         I have had a lot of firsthand contact with the mothers & children who are the result of laissez-faire child-raising theories. The kids tend to be peevish & unhappy, demanding & unfriendly. The mothers are constantly making excuses for the child's antisocial behaviour: "Oh! He hasn't eaten yet." "It's past her naptime." "I haven't given him enough attention this morning." These moms are terribly guilt-ridden. After all, if they were doing it right, their children would not be so bratty; they would be sweet, loving & friendly.
         I call these poor ladies "choke-chain mothers." They are virtual slaves of the children. Catering to every whim of a child who basically cares nothing for his mother's needs or interests is very draining. "A child who gets his own way bring shame to his mother."--Prov.29:15. We must be obedient to the Word of God as we raise our children.


Tell Me How to Begin...
         If you feel that maybe you have been barking up the wrong tree in your child-rearing approach, it is not too late to change. First, realise that as a believer, you are accountable for what the Word of God says. If you have been following a worldly philosophy in the area of raising your children, you need to confess before God your neglect of His Word & resulting disobedience.
         Humbly admit to the Lord that you have been wrong, & ask for His mercy for your children & His special grace for you as you commit yourself to be obedient.
         Child discipline is not merely a technique to get well-behaved children. We parents must obey the Lord, & it is God's Word that tells us to train our children. God does not promise Godly children to those who spank. He promises to bless the children of the righteous (obedient). If we are not willing to be obedient to the Lord, it will be difficult to teach our children to obey us.
         Our business is not primarily to make sure our kids come out right. Our primary purpose is to glorify God. We do this by being obedient, becoming Christlike. When we are obedient to the Word of God, we can then see the promises of God manifest in our lives. This brings glory to God because people can see that the promises of God are true. Others can see the faithfulness of God in our lives, as well as the peaceful fruits of righteousness, & can glorify (praise & honour) Him.
         It is important to remember that God gave children parents because they need us! It is our job to teach our children to obey us. This is not based on the fact that we are perfect or even obedient ourselves. It is based on the authority that has been given to us by God over our children. If a policeman stops us from running a red light, we can't say, "You have no right to give me a ticket! You do things wrong yourself, you know! And besides, you have a grumpy attitude!" No, he has a right & a duty to give us a ticket based on the authority to stop us when we do wrong. His personal righteousness or personality have nothing to do with it.


What Kids Need
         Children need to be taken from parent control, to self-control, to God control. This is the big picture that a parent needs to keep in mind.
         First, children need to be under their parents' control. Little children do not have self-control & do not naturally do the right thing. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." "Honour your father & mother (which is the first commandment with a promise)." "Love thy neighbour as thyself." Let's begin with obedience because, once you teach them to obey, they can learn the other things easily.
         Obedience involves doing the will of another who has authority in your life. It means doing what you are told to do instead of what you wanted to do. It is our job to make them obey us (parent control) until they learn to choose to obey us (self-control) & then learn to choose to obey the Lord (God control).
         An adult who has never learned to obey an authority in his life has a very difficult time learning to obey the Lord. Knowing that obedience to the Will of God is what produces a real peace & fulfillment, we see how important it is to teach our children to be obedient. It is important to keep in mind the overall goal. It is so easy to let the kids be disobedient because it just doesn't seem worth making an event over some minor thing like staying in the car seat or not jumping on the bed. But if you have made a rule you must enforce it for the sake of your child's walk with the Lord later in life.
         I think it is important to be very careful about the rules that you make. Keeping in mind that the child is a sinner, don't tackle everything at once. Figure out the things that are important right now & work on those. You can let some things slide for the time being by not including them in "the law." Some things can be dealt with by verbal instruction, behaviour charts & rewards & by loss of privileges.
         Direct disobedience needs to be dealt with firmly. I have found that spanking is very effective in countering disobedience. But it is important that the spanking be the consequence of the child's disobedience, not the fruit of the parents' wrath. Here are a couple of systems that have been very helpful to me. These are just some suggestions that may help you in your thinking about teaching your children to obey. The beauty of this approach is that I am as much bound by it as my kids are, so I can't really fly off the handle, nor can I be inconsistent based on my moods. It is all there, posted on the wall in black & white, so that when someone misbehaves he knows what to expect & I know what needs to be done.


The Swat Chart
         * Causing Trouble        1 swat
Taunting, teasing, badgering, baiting, "starting it" etc.
         * Name Calling   2 swats
Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary
         * Aggressive Behaviour   3 swats
Hitting, biting, kicking, tripping, slapping, elbowing, scratching, kneeing or anything with the intent to hurt.
         * Disrespect or disobedience     5 swats
Verbal nor nonverbal back talk, not doing what you are told to do.
         * Bad Language   10 swats
I only had to do this once.
         As our kids have gotten older, we have revised this somewhat. Here is a copy of our house rules. The key is to make the rules based on general principles so that there aren't too many of them. Picky little rules are agony & can never be consistently enforced.


House Rules
*        RULE: Treat everyone kindly. This means you don't belittle anyone either to their face or when they aren't there. Don't hurt each other, but rather look out for each other's safety.
         CONSEQUENCE: Restriction (loss of privilege) or 3 swats.
*        RULE: Obey your mom & dad. This means you do what you are asked to do without complaining or saying, "I'll do it later" or "How come I always..." or "How come he never..." The parents of a family have every right to ask their children to do anything that would be helpful around the house. They also have a right to say what a child may or may not do.
         CONSEQUENCE: Loss of privilege or an added job. If defiance or rebellion is involved, swats will be given.
*        RULE: Ask permission. This means that before using or handling something belonging to another person, you must ask. If that person is not available, you don't touch it. This also means that you ask, not tell, your parents before you make plans to go somewhere or do something.
         CONSEQUENCE: The payment of $1 to the person whose property is involved, or 2 swats. For not asking permission to go, restricted activities.
*        RULE: Do your chores every day. This means that each person has jobs to do around the house & each person is expected to do them at the first opportunity without being unduly nagged & reminded.
         CONSEQUENCE: Since having to be reminded is a sign of irresponsibility, each reminder after the first will cost you 25 cents. (The parents will be restricted to one reminder per five-minute period.)
*        RULE: Be home by... This means that you shouldn't leave home without knowing when you should return, & then you should return by that time. The rule will be: Be home by 5:45 p.m. every afternoon, & by 10:00 each evening (older kids). Exceptions may be made only in advance or in situations completely out of your control.
         CONSEQUENCE: For not coming in as arranged, your going out will be restricted.
         It is a good idea to put all fines that you receive in a special fund for a special night out or for a missionary project. This way the kids can't accuse you of trying to get rich at their expense.


About Home Schooling...
         Some children are naturally more internally motivated than others. These kids will more readily do what they are told & complete their assignments with a minimum of supervision. Others are externally motivated & need an axe hanging over their heads in order to get anything done.
         You are there to provide schooling for your children. You are not a failure if you can't make them love it every minute, or love any of it, for that matter. School doesn't have to be fun, it just has to be done! Your job is not to win a popularity contest, but rather to teach your kids what they need to know in order to be productive adults. If this home-taught child reaches age 13 & he still can't read well, multiply or follow directions, you have blown it. The fact that the public schools have that kind of results rather often is no excuse.
         I think that too often we home school moms make things too easy for our kids by answering too many questions. We need to make it worthwhile for the kids to think & work. For example, when I taught my nephew one year, he always wanted me to "help" him find the answers in science & social studies. First of all, I informed him that the book never asked a question that was not answered in the book. He didn't believe me, so I showed him all the answers in one chapter. On the next assignment, he was sure he'd found an exception, so I checked & let him know that the answer was indeed there on page 48. The next time I merely checked, then said, "Yes, it is in the chapter," closed the book & handed it back to him. After that, he didn't figure it was worth asking & found the answers himself.
         The same goes for reading directions. Usually when my kids say, "I don't get it!" I have them read the directions aloud to me & show me what it means. (Auditory learners will especially benefit from reading directions aloud, even to themselves.) This way, if there is something they really don't understand, I will know what it is. Pretty soon they learn to go through this process on their own. These are lessons in elementary problem-solving that the kids need to learn. If we spoon-feed them too long, they will be handicapped.
         Math problems that are done incorrectly should be done aloud by the student for the mom so that they can both see where he got fouled up. When Mom says, "This problem is wrong, you should have done it this way," she is missing out on a real teaching opportunity. Have the child explain step by step what he did to get the answer. He will probably catch the mistake as he goes, but if not, you can more easily explain which step he did incorrectly.
         Composition skill is another area that can be taught better if Mom does not help too much. For example, instead of actually showing a child the mistakes in a paragraph he has written, say, "There are two spelling mistakes, one punctuation mistake & one sentence doesn't make sense. Find your mistakes & correct them."
         Our kids need to learn to figure things out for themselves. The fact that our kids get more one-on-one attention has its advantages, but we must be careful not to foster laziness & dependency.
         If you have taken on the responsibility for educating your child, you must educate him. That includes making him do the work that needs to be done.
         The methods you use to accomplish these tasks should be kind, reasonable & firm. Basically, the techniques for getting children to do what they are not willing to do are the same, whether the issue is household chores or schoolwork.
         The bottom line is that if these kids are to learn what they need to know, they must do what they are told to do.


Alternative Home Schooling
         In our area we also have a "cottage school" that has sprung out of home schooling. One woman teaches about 14 kids in her home several hours a day. The younger kids come in the morning & the older ones in the afternoon. She does the main teaching & the moms help with assignments. The parents teach subjects such as the Bible & history


Plain Talk about Teaching Other People's Kids

         We recommend much prayerful consideration before ever making such a commitment. The addition of an outsider to your home school often brings many problems that do not become obvious until the deed is done. We feel there are some definite, consistent drawbacks to teaching other people's kids. The most likely candidates that will be attracted to school in a home other than their own seem to fall into (several) general categories:

The Lost Sheep
         This is usually a child who has been in school & is miserable. He is probably doing poorly academically. He may be disliked, ridiculed, or shunned by his classmates or he may be inclined to hang around with the bad kids. Often his parents have tried everything they can think of but nothing seems to help.
         Please keep in mind that the troubles he is having are likely caused largely by his own bad habits, strangeness, lack of self-discipline, or lack of motivation. In the difficult school situation he has been facing, the school was not the only problem. He was probably a big part of the problem.
         His mother may also have been a big part of the problem, concerned though she may be. You may notice when you talk with the mother that she tends to blame all of the child's problems on all of the schools & teachers where he has been.
         You will be dealing with this same child & this same mother. Changing the circumstances is not going to change the people involved. If she did not allow the previous school to discipline him, will she let you? Once he leaves your home, will his mother reinforce what you have said to him or will she undermine you?
         Because this child is extremely needy, he is going to require a lot more from you than your own comparatively normal children. Providing for his needs will likely consume your thoughts, time & emotions with very little left for your own kids.
         The child may also have academic problems that you do not understand because you have never faced them in your own children.
         His home environment is also different from your children's & this area strongly affects his learning, & you have absolutely no control over it.
         There is also the problem of how this child gets along with your children. When conflicts arise, it is difficult for the mother to be objective & fair.
         Sometimes you will feel that not only is this child messing up the home life of your children but also the academic progress. You will feel responsible to his mother to solve his problems or get him caught up. If you are being paid, there is a tremendous amount of guilt if you don't succeed. You will often find that you must put a lot more effort into this child than your own. He may end up getting a better education than they do. Often a child of this type is very manipulative & has learned very well how to get the lion's share of an adult's attention.
         Teaching this child may be a good thing for him, but is it a good thing for you & your children? It is not wise to take on something good, & in so doing, give up something better.

The Exception
         There are exceptions, however. Here are some factors that seem to make teaching other people's children work when it does work:
         * Both mothers agree in their philosophy of child-rearing, & there is mutual trust. The mother not teaching is faithful to follow through on assignments & discipline as needed.
         * The child being taught is the same age or grade level as one of the teacher's children so that she doesn't have to prepare for an extra grade level. There are no learning problems.
         * It is a big help if the child is already well known to the teacher & respects her & is not a behaviour problem.
         * A fair agreement must be reached about compensation for teaching services. This could be money or services such as dressmaking, housecleaning, baby-sitting, haircutting or whatever. This only works well if each is faithful to follow through with their part of the agreement & if the agreement is very specific.
         Remember that if you know that someone's child is going to show up on your doorstep every morning at 8:30 a.m., you'd better be ready. You can't oversleep. It takes some of the spontaneity out of your school schedule. If you or your kids are sick, it cuts into the other child's schooltime if you call off classes. This is especially true if the child's mother is at work. Who will watch him if you are sick? You may also find that it puts the crimp on off-season family vacations & visits from out-of-town relatives.
         As you may have noticed, these problems are not insurmountable. Even so, you will be glad every Friday, & count the days until vacation more than the rest of us who are just teaching our own. It is definitely more stressful.

The Trade
         In this situation, you offer to trade children with another mother for the course of the school day. Maybe she takes all of the preschoolers & you teach the school-age children. Or maybe you each teach your own kids three days a week, then she takes all of them one day, & you take all of them one day, thus giving each other a day off. Another possibility is that you teach all of the children the subjects that you teach best, & she teaches them all the subjects she teaches best.
         These trades often work out very well, but here are a few cautions.
         First of all, the mothers involved in the trade need to have very similar, it not identical, values as far as child discipline & educational approach. We recommend that you be sure that there is agreement on basic Christian doctrine, nutrition, & TV philosophy.

Guidelines
         * If being paid for your services is appropriate, be sure you are being paid enough to make it worth all the trouble. Be sure the child is not in your home just because it's such a great bargain for the parents. Don't be the cheapest option. Private tutors charge $10-plus per hour. Private schools charge $120 to $300 per month. Public schools get close to $4,000 per year per child of our tax money.
         * Commit yourself for only a limited period of time, maybe one semester. Set a time for an honest review with the parents after this time period. Discuss how it has been going & only continue if everyone (especially you) is happy with the situation. Do this at regular intervals, & never get yourself into a situation that you can't get out of.
         * Don't let this child consume you.
         Step back & realise how limited you are in what you can accomplish. Do what you can for this child, & don't shortchange your own children. Don't waste effort on things you can do nothing about, such as diet, schedule, homework assignments, general weirdness & his parents' problems. Love him, encourage him, help him with his math, help him with his reading, pray for him & be realistic about what you can & cannot do. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear in two semesters.
         Remember, God has given you your own children to train. They are your first priority. Please do not make a hasty decision to teach someone else's child in your family school. Sometimes it works, but often it is much less than you'd hoped for. If you find yourself in a situation where you have another child in your home & it is not working out, get out of it as soon as you can. "If you have been snared with the words of your mouth, have been caught with the words of your mouth, do this then, my son, & deliver yourself; since you have come into the hand of your neighbour, go, humble yourself, & make sure your neighbour."


But, Lord! I Home Schooled Him!

         I think that for many of us the main reason we home school is to make sure our kids come out all right. While it is good to desire that our children follow the Lord, it is asking for trouble to make it our all-consuming goal.
         Any time you get a goal that requires another individual's efforts, cooperation, participation, or enthusiasm, you are setting yourself up for problems. You cannot control other people. Even your own children will ultimately make their own choices.
         You can only control your own actions, thoughts, attitudes & words. There is nothing wrong with making reasonable personal goals, but it is important to remember the difference between personal goals & goals that involve other people's choices.
         It is important to make the result of Godly children our desire rather than our goal. Our goal should be to obey God's Word. Our own obedience to God is an obtainable goal; our children's obedience is not. They are free moral agents & will stand or fall before God alone, just as we will.
         What I am trying to say is that home schooling does not guarantee that your child will turn out well. The outcome of your children does not depend on what you do, but rather on what you are. "Delight yourself in the Lord, & He will give you the desires of your heart." Do you desire Godly children? Delight yourself in the Lord!
         Some fine Christian young people have come out of the public school system, & there will probably be home-taught children who bring disgrace to the name of Christ.
         This doesn't mean that we should throw up our hands in despair & turn our children loose into any & every educational & social situation, since "we can't guarantee how they will turn out no matter what we do." Performed with the right spirit & for the right reasons, home schooling can make a difference. We have to do our very best, & then let God do the rest.
         As parents, it is our sober responsibility to be obedient to the Word of God, & to rest in Him with regard to our children. We can't make them obey God--but we can demonstrate to them the joy of living in humble obedience to a loving Father. We can protect them from known evil influences & give them a taste of spiritual honey. We can discipline their habits & guide their thinking.
         When the time comes for our children to make their own choices, we can pray for them & continue to be Godly examples. But we must understand that we have all learned some things the hard way & that our kids are no exception. If we are striving to walk in obedience to the Lord, we can let our children go when the time comes & trust God to work in their lives as He has worked in ours.
         As I write this, I am convicted of my own disobedience to the Lord. I pray that the Lord will, in His grace, spare my children from the consequence of my shortcomings. And I know that He cares more for them than I do & is able to protect & guide them.
         Lord, free us from external standards that allow us to settle for less. Give us courage to come to Your Word with hearts willing to change. Don't let us be comfortable with "good enough." Let us hear Your voice above all the other voices that would tell us things are okay when they are not. May we keep our eyes on You. Lord, bring every thought into captivity. Transform us by the renewing of our minds. Help us not to worry about anything, but rather tell you every detail of our needs in earnest & thankful prayer, that the peace of God may keep constant watch over our hearts & minds in Christ Jesus. May our lives demonstrate Your transforming power & bring glory to Your holy Name. Amen.


Serving Other Home Schoolers

         When I decided to home teach my children six years ago, I was the only one I knew who was even thinking of it. I had read an interview with secular home school leader John Holt in a magazine. The whole idea was new to me & opened up all sorts of possibilities I had never considered. I thought about it for a whole year before I took the plunge. Everyone thought I was very strange. Just when I had four out of six kids in school & could breathe a little, I was taking them all out! However, people were somewhat used to my doing things differently. Not only did I have six (& a half, at the time) kids, but three of them had been born at home, & there seemed to be no end to the outlandish things I would try.
         Somewhere I came across a flyer for a four-day retreat with Raymond Moore. This was the first I had heard of the man & I knew nothing of his books. Off we went to the retreat & had a wonderful time. We came back all enthused & with the address of a school that would send us a curriculum. After testing the boys & sending in all the necessary paperwork, we waited for the books. It was a great day when they arrived! I was sick in bed with pneumonia, eight months pregnant & trying to run herd on six kids who weren't in school.
         I desperately needed a support group, but there wasn't one. In fact, it wasn't long until people were calling me & asking questions. Because I was "doing it," I was the local expert. Talk about the blind leading the blind! I had decided to make my motto for the first year "muddle through," & I was doing just that. I consoled myself with the thought that I couldn't do worse than some public schools, & thus I survived.
         At that time, the best way to home teach in California & comply with the law was for each family to file an affidavit & become its own private school. In our county, the local authorities didn't buy this idea. They contacted many of the schools listing one teacher & only a few students. Somehow I ended up being the only one in our area who wasn't contacted by the school district. When people called & asked if they should file an affidavit, I didn't know what to tell them.
         One day I had a bright idea: If these families enrolled their kids in our "private school," they could home teach their children, comply with the compulsory attendance law & still not call undue attention to themselves. So together with some of my home schooling friends & a state-credentialed teacher, we founded Painter Avenue Christian School.
         We decided that if we were going to do this, we needed to do everything within our power to be above reproach. We checked out all the laws, looked at what other private schools required, & forged ahead. The fact that these kids would be a part of our school made us in some part responsible for their education. Therefore, we had to provide some form of accountability for the parents. My big concern, however, was that we not have so much paperwork for the poor mothers that it would interfere with teaching their children. We kept it to a minimum. A description of goals & curriculum at the beginning of the year, three progress reports during the year, & one teachers' meeting per month were all we required. We charged a minimal tuition to pay for printing, postage, business license etc.
         We started with ten families & had a wonderful time & became good friends. Our teachers' meetings are not boring business meetings. Although we do take care of business, the primary purpose is to encourage each other. Often we begin the sharing time with a discussion topic such as, "The thing that makes it all worthwhile is..." or "The hardest thing about home teaching is..." to get the ball rolling.
         It is my experience that what home schooling moms need is people rather than more activities. Home schooling moms need to get together to bear one another's burdens. Where else can we talk about how it really is? Our neighbours are watching us like hawks, our relatives are sure we have bitten off more than we can chew, & often our husbands have given us one year to prove ourselves. If we complain or let them know we are discouraged, they will often nod & say, "That's what I thought would happen," or "Don't complain to me. This was your idea. If you don't like it, put them in school!" That is not what we need to hear.
         As we share our problems & frustrations, we find out that we are not alone in our feelings or the problems we face. We also learn that others have found solutions to these very problems. We can laugh together, share common problems, sympathise & cheer each other up. In a teachers' meeting, we give each other support. "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up...And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A three-fold cord is not easily broken."
         If you don't know of a support group in your area, organise your own if you feel the Lord is leading you in this direction. The main thing is to get together with other home schoolers on a regular basis. It is so good to talk, compare notes, get ideas, find out you're normal & get your kids together! If you haven't found any others, keep looking. This is a growing movement & there are bound to be more.
         I never intended to start a large home school, but we have grown to nearly 150 families. Now our school is divided into fifteen support groups, according to neighbourhoods. We meet with the group leaders once a month, & they have monthly meetings with their groups in their homes. These are the guidelines our leaders use in running the groups.
         * The purpose of the group is to support (hold up) & encourage (give courage) to each other. Keep this in mind as you guide the discussion. Be a learner yourself, & don't be afraid to share your own problems & frustrations. This will help people realise that they aren't the only ones that face problems. If they see that you aren't ashamed to share, they won't be either.
         * Be sensitive to differences among your group members. Be especially aware of areas such as church background, approach to child discipline, views of the gifts of the Spirit, marital status, working mothers (some have to go back to work later) & any other topic that might be hot.
         * Keep in touch with your people. Some of your new teachers would never have considered home teaching without some kind of support system. We need to be sure that they get what they need to get over the hump. Some will need very little help, some will need extra help just at the beginning, & some will require help throughout the first year.
         Call each support group member at least once a month & plan on talking for awhile. Ask how they are doing. Remember what they say. It means so much to people if you remember their kids' names & ages, what books they are using, when the baby is due, the name of the dog & that their Grandma is in the hospital. If needed, keep a card file by the phone & take notes to refer to in the future.
         Additional note: We have made a point of having almost all information passed along by the group leaders by phone rather than in a newsletter. This gives the leaders a reason to keep in touch with each family in their group. Often people will want to talk but will hesitate to call.
         A few feel so poorly about themselves that the normal difficulties of being both mother & teacher convince them that they really are, just as they suspected, utter failures. They may not seek help for fear that the terrible truth will be known. You must be the initiator with these dear people. You will probably need to continue to be the one to call because they can't imagine that you would want to hear from them. Love them like Jesus does, affirm the best in them. You may be the best friend they've ever had.
         * Begin & end each meeting with prayer. This is a ministry the Lord has given you. In a certain sense, you are the shepherd of a small flock. This responsibility should make you humble & careful. "Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we shall incur a stricter judgment."
         * It is important to see yourself as a servant of Christ. As a servant of Christ in a leadership role, we serve Him by serving others. It can get old if we see ourselves at everybody's beck & call. Being a group leader will involve interruptions, inconvenience, dealings with difficult & inconsiderate people, & a lot of added hassle. If we are serving the Lord, however, rather than people, we can find joy in our service to others.
         * Never delegate to anyone a job you have not done yourself. Don't ask people to plan field trips, make phone calls, or clean up after a meeting if you haven't done it or aren't willing to do it first. There may come a time when you don't have to do everything, but always be willing. No job should be beneath you.
         * Don't try to do everything by yourself. Share the joy of serving with others. If you want someone to help you with your work, teach by example. Do the job while they watch, then have them do the job while you watch, then let them take it over. Don't insist that everything be done exactly your way.
         Praise & appreciation are absolutely essential if you want people to keep on helping you. Get specific about what they did that helped, or was a blessing to you, or encouraged others. Keep your eyes open & notice what people are doing right.
         Many of us find ourselves reluctant leaders. Somehow we ended up at the front of the parade. While we muddle along by trial & error, others walk confidently in our steps. We must put our trust in the Lord to direct us all. We must not "put our confidence in horses & chariots," but in God. "Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it. Except the Lord guard the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain."
         So many times we have made plans, but the Lord has stepped in & saved us from mistakes. It seems that every time things have fallen through, the Lord had a better plan.
         If you do become a leader of a group of home schoolers, be prepared to learn to be like Jesus. Do a study in the Gospels, paying special attention to how He was treated. Jesus was misjudged, unappreciated, misunderstood, &, in general, not well treated by many of those whom He served. Although this will not be the case most of time, & there will be many who love you & think you are great, it is important to realise that serving the Lord in a position of leadership, you will receive criticism. Some will assume the worst about your motives. We must try in every way to be above reproach, looking to God rather than Man for our approval.
         Obedience, perseverance, prayer & dependence on God are what bring blessing in leadership. Though it's great to be creative or have organisational skills, overdependence on these can bring a snare. Becoming a leader because it feels good to have some power, glory, or money will only bring hurt to yourself & others. "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look for your personal interests, but also for the interests of others."
         As in every other area of our lives, we need to be obedient to God. We need to become more like Jesus, whether we are leaders or followers. Then we can hope that our loved, prayed-for, home schooled children will follow where we lead!

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         Children are the future forever! They are going to be the future, & what works on them now, they're going to be teaching others later, teaching others to teach others to teach others!
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