Teaching Children to Make the Right Decisions!

         Some authors promote the concept of encouraging children to make decisions on their own with no help whatsoever from an adult. If you, the parent, have no particular feelings one way or the other as to which choice is best, then, of course, it is best to let your child make his own decision. But even seemingly minor decisions are often important ones because they can affect you, they can affect other children, & they may affect what you're doing for the Lord. Usually, one choice is a much better choice than the others, which is a pretty good reason for trying to encourage children to choose what we know is best.
         The Bible says our lives are not our own, we're bought with a price (1Cor.7:23), so the ideal thing is to teach your children that every decision is important & needs to be what the Lord wants. In other words, if you teach them at a young age to do whatever they're doing for the Lord, then they'll grow up serving & loving Him.
         Of course, we can & should encourage them to make their own decisions, but in many cases they still need our guidance. But when we must add our voice, we can still be teaching them to make decisions, not just dictating to them our answers & choices. We can make them think things out by asking questions. You can guide them by questions, & help them reach right conclusions.
         Unlike many Worldly parents, when raising children "in the nurture & admonition of the Lord" (Eph.6:4), we're not only concerned with them feeling good about themselves: "You do what you would like to do. You do what you feel comfortable with," because we have goals in mind. We're training them to be able to choose what's best for the Lord & His Work.--Not just to make them feel comfortable with themselves & able to logically & rationally choose one thing over another.
         But at the same time we are also trying to equip our children to be able to make decisions when they have to. We certainly should let them make their own decisions where we can, & at the same time help them to arrive at the right ones.--Not just say, "OK, I'm not going to say anything to you. What do you feel? What do you think?"--Without giving them any help or spiritual guidance along the way.
         However, when we do give guidance, often we are too heavy-handed in our dealing with our kids & we don't give them enough leeway. Instead of dictating & laying down the law to them, we should try to lead them by questioning.
         They need our guidance because they're not yet old enough to have gained the experience that we have, nor do they have enough of the Lord's Word or His principles, nor do they always know how the Lord works in different situations. Even when there is a right & a wrong, a black & white, a yes & no or a better & best decision to make, we need to try to refrain from laying down the law, "Here it is & this is it!", but try rather to guide them to come to that conclusion themselves. Then if they still make the wrong decision, if it's that important, you might have to lay down the law, but at least you've given them a chance to agree.
         Some parents & psychologists today are so afraid of being accused of forcing their kids to think a certain way, or they're so afraid the kids won't be able to think for themselves, that they let them think what they want to think, even if it's the wrong thing! Well, we certainly don't agree with that. On the other hand, you don't want to just dictate to them either. You should lead them into it step-by-step and get them to decide on their own that what you're saying is right and that they want to believe it, too.
         First of all, even before your guidance in the form of questions, you have to listen. You should listen & say nothing for awhile, but then when it comes to "active listening," when it comes to participating yourself, you should try to guide at the same time.
         You should say to your child, "What do you think are the pros & what are the cons?" If he doesn't know, you could help him by saying, "Can you see that on this side are these different points? And on that side are those. What do you think the positives are? And what are the negatives? What reasons would there be for doing this or that? What reasons would there be against it?" Ask them some questions to help them consider all that's involved in the decision they're about to make.
         Our guidance is very important because when we stick to the principles from God's Word, we know that we're giving the Lord's guidance. We have a Message from the Lord for our children & we know what His Word says, & it is our duty to teach it to them.--And if we fail to do that, then we are failing them! We're responsible to give it to them!
         The problem usually comes in how we do it. We may sometimes feel like forcing it on them, but if we do, we'll reap negative results. Or we can try to get them to see our viewpoint by getting them to agree with us from the beginning & patiently leading them into it. We need to learn to do that more acceptably, so they can agree more readily with it, without feeling that we're constantly nagging them or shoving it down their throats.
         When children have had a lot of good training, many times they will be able to come up with good decisions on their own, if you just give them a chance. If you wait a little bit, & if you don't jump into it too quickly, the child is often going to come to the right conclusion on his own. But, if within a very short time he doesn't show any signs of making the right decision or knowing what to do, then you need to start guiding him.
         An important caution is: Don't jump into things too quickly! Wait, don't talk, listen! You can talk later. Try guiding him by questioning. Ask, "What do you think about it? How do you think you'd feel if such-&-such was the case?"
         So in helping children to make decisions, listen first & try to keep quiet. They will often come to the right conclusion through talking to you about it. But if they don't, then start trying to help them come to a right decision, by guiding them with specific questions.
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         When he was only nine months old,
         And plump & round & pink of cheek,
         A joy to tickle & to hold
         Before he'd even learned to speak,
         His gentle mother used to say:
         "It is too bad that he must grow.
         If I could only have my way
         His baby ways we'd always know."

         And then the year was turned, & he
         Began to toddle round the floor
         And name the things that he could see
         And soil the dresses that he wore.
         Then many a night she whispered low:
         "Our baby now is such a joy
         I hate to think that he must grow
         To be a wild & heedless boy."

         But on he went & sweeter grow,
         And then his mother, I recall,
         Wished she could keep him always two,
         For that's the finest age of all.
         she thought the selfsame thing at three,
         And now that he is four, she sighs
         To think he cannot always be
         The youngster with the laughing eyes.

         Oh, little boy, my wish is not
         Always to keep you four-years-old.
         Each night I stand beside your cot
         And think of what the years may hold;
         And looking down on you I pray
         That when we've lost our baby small,
         The mother of our man will say
         "This is the finest age of all."

--Edgar Guest
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