PREPARING YOUR CHILDREN FOR ADULTHOOD--From "The Teaching Home"

         As your children enter their teens, you may experience a sudden rush of anxiety. Are you doing the right thing to continue home schooling them? Can you handle high school subjects? Will they go to college? What will they be when they grow up? (They will "grow up," won't they?) What kind of adults will they be?
         What can you do to get your children ready for adulthood? If you haven't already done so, now is the time to make a checklist to guide you through the "countdown". Write out your goals in detail under each category. Before you get started, though, do some mental house-cleaning to make sure you are not being influenced by the World's thinking.

COMMONLY ACCEPTED MYTHS


1st myth: Rebellion is a necessary part of growing up.--COMMONLY ACCEPTED MYTHS

         The World actually believes that children would never leave home & become independent unless they went through a period of "natural" rebellion!
         While teenage rebellion in one form or another is so common as to be almost universal even among Christians in our culture, we need to ask, "What does God say about it?" Children (even grown-up children) who rebelled against their parents were dealt with most severely under the Law of Moses. (Deut.21:18-20). And parents who allowed their children to rebel were given the example of Eli. Although a priest of God & supposedly a godly man, he suffered not only his own death, but also the deaths of his sons, as well as the permanent removal of his family from the priesthood. God takes the rebellion of youth very seriously. 1Sam.15:23 says, "Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft."
         Yes, rebellion is "natural"; but as Christians we are called to leave behind the nature we were born with & live by the Spirit. On the positive side, we are given very good reasons for children's obedience. First, "for this is right," & also, "that it may go well with you & you may live long on the Earth"--Eph.6:1-3. We must not cheat our children out of these blessings by allowing (let alone expecting) them to rebel.
         Can teenagers submit their strong young wills to their parents? Since God commands it, He will make it possible for those who love & trust Him. How can we as parents make it easier for them? Start early by teaching your children these Scriptural truths before they are teenagers. Let them know that you expect their teenage years to be a time of harmony, cooperation, & good fellowship as you work together with them to build their future. Keep exposure to the "youth culture" at a minimum (e.g. TV programs, books, & movies that give the World's view of "normal" youth), & point out its errors whenever they do encounter it. Challenge the "everybody's doing it'" mentality at every opportunity! Expose them to stories of young people who were blessed by submitting to their parents (e.g. Alcott's "Eight Cousins" & "Rose in Bloom".) Do not dwell on lengthy accounts or detailed descriptions of sin since "it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret."--Eph.5:12.)
         Should you compromise your standards to gain your teenagers' cooperation? Who really wants to fight with their own children over relatively unimportant issues? Of course, you can always re-examine your rules & be open to reason & to Scriptural correction. But if you still think you have good reasons for your stand, & it is best for your children, don't give in. If your teenagers are willing to submit to your judgement, they will reap the benefits you have planned for them. If they are inclined to rebel, they will rebel--wherever you draw the line. You will lose your credibility if you say something is right & important one day & throw it out the window the next day when Junior throws a fit about it.


2nd myth: They have to do it alone sometime, so the sooner the better.--COMMONLY ACCEPTED MYTHS

         Whoa! We have been brainwashed with this mentality until even loving, concerned mothers push their babies into day care & preschool (with all their horrors), believing it is necessary for their children's development. Children are kidnapped off the street & subjected to degradation because their parents are terrified of being "overprotective." What does this have to do with teenagers? It may be a little harder to recognise, but the same principle applies. 1Corinthians 10:13 states, "God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." It may be obvious to you that a toddler cannot resist the offer of candy from a stranger, so you watch him carefully. There is a time to trust your child, but there is also a time to help him "flee youthful lust."--2Tim.2:22.
         Never give even a teenager more freedom than he can reasonably handle when the consequences of failure are serious & permanent. Sure, if he does resist, he will be stronger for it, but be realistic--how many do? It is much more likely that he will eventually be worn down & begin to compromise, beginning a downward spiral of self-indulgence, guilt, & deceit. At a time when he could be a Joseph or a Daniel, he will become, instead, just another defeated Christian--or worse.
         Who says they have to do it alone? Teach them to be wise rather than independent. All of us are weak & sinful; we need all the help we can get to stay pure in this World. Guide your children's thinking toward the safety of spiritual fellowship & support & away from the self-sufficient "I am the master of my fate" attitude.


3rd myth: Everyone must make his own choices; parents have no right to impose their own choices on their children.--COMMONLY ACCEPTED MYTHS

         Most of us think we see what is right & what is wrong with this statement. But where do we draw the line?
         If we allow our teenager to make his own choices, what will be the result? Before turning him loose completely, maybe we should ask ourselves how free his choice will really be? If he decides on a career at 14, would his choice be limited by a supposed dislike of math when he hasn't had a chance to master it yet? If she chooses a husband at 16, will her choice be limited by not being acquainted with any godly young men?
         As parents, we can look ahead & provide the prerequisites for a truly free choice in the future. If we allow our teenagers to make choices they are not fully equipped to make, we may be sentencing them to the bondage of their own inexperience. Don't be afraid to insist that your children study algebra or attend a seminar or prayer meeting. The immediate loss of freedom now can give them greater freedom in the future. Besides, while they may not admit it, teenagers' choices are too often nothing more than submission to peer pressure rather than true independent choices. We do know what's best for our children simply by virtue of having lived so much longer & of knowing them well. And added to that, we have God's limitless wisdom for the asking.--Jam.1:5.
         Do we believe that God placed our children in our care knowing that, with all our faults, we have the exact combination of qualities as parents that our specific children need? With all humility (& repentance for our sins), we must still accept courageously the responsibility God has given us to guide our children into adulthood.


4th myth: Teenagers have a delicate ego, & you must be careful to build their self-image.--COMMONLY ACCEPTED MYTHS

         What is the cure for "poor self-image"? Trust & thankfulness to God for His wisdom in designing all the circumstances of our lives for our good & His glory. (Be sure you practice what you preach here.) And a whole-hearted love for God & for others that takes the attention off of self & fills the mind with thoughts of service. If your teenager's attention is focused on helping others & his time is filled with constructive projects, he'll have no time for self-pity & he'll know he is accomplishing important things. A person who needs constant "affirmation" from those around him to keep him from slipping into the "slough of despond" is a cripple. And if your teenager happens to be rebellious, lazy, & unkempt, do you really want him to "feel good about himself" as he is?
         Of course, this is not to say you should be careless in how you treat your child. There is no excuse for being mean or harsh, for name-calling or belittling. That is simply unChristian behaviour. We are to be kind & loving & to be especially careful not to exasperate or embitter our children.--Eph.6:4. Be affectionate & considerate with your children of all ages & keep their spirits open to you. (See "Key to Your Child's Heart" by Gary Smalley in this same volume.)