BETWEEN PARENT & CHILD--New Solutions to Old Problems--By Dr. Haim G. Ginott
CONVERSING WITH CHILDREN
Children's Questions: The Hidden Meaning.
Conversing with children is a unique art with rules & meanings of its own. Children are rarely naive in their communications. Their messages are often in a code that requires deciphering.
On his visit to kindergarten, while mother was still with him, Bruce, age five, looked over the paintings on the wall & asked loudly, "Who made these ugly pictures?"
Mother was embarrassed. She looked at her son disapprovingly, & hastened to tell him, "It's not nice to call the pictures ugly when they are so pretty."
The teacher, who understood the meaning of the question, smiled & said, "In here you don't have to paint pretty pictures. You can paint pictures that aren't so nice if you feel like it." A big smile appeared on Bruce's face, for now he had the answer to his hidden question:
"What happens to a boy who doesn't paint so well?"
Next Bruce picked up a broken fire engine & asked self-righteously, "Who broke this fire engine?" Mother answered, "What difference does it make to you who broke it? You don't know anyone here."
Bruce was not really interested in names. He wanted to find out what happened to boys who break toys. Understanding the question, the teacher gave an appropriate answer: "Toys are for playing. Sometimes they get broken. It happens."
Bruce seemed satisfied. His interviewing skill had netted him the necessary information: "This grownup is pretty nice. She does not get angry quickly, even when a picture comes out ugly or a toy is broken. I don't have to be afraid. It is safe to stay here." Bruce waved good-bye to his mother & went over to the teacher to start his first day in kindergarten.
Fruitless Dialogues.
Parents are often frustrated by dialogues with children because they lead nowhere, as illustrated by the famous conversation: "Where did you go?" "Out." "What did you do?" "Nothing." Parents who try to be reasonable soon discover how exhausting this can be. Children often resist dialogues with parents. They resent being preached to, talked at, & criticised. Our everyday language is not adequate for communicating meaningfully with children. To reach children & to reduce parental frustration, we need a new mode of relating to children, including new ways of conversing with them.
The New Code of Communication.
The new code of communication is based on respect & on skill. It requires a) that messages preserve the child's as well as the parent's self-respect; b) that statements of understanding precede statements of advice or instruction.
Eric, age nine, came home full of anger. His class was scheduled to go for a picnic, but it was raining. Mother decided to use a new approach. She refrained from clichs that in the past had only made things worse: "There's no use crying over rained-out picnics." "There will be other days for fun." "I didn't make it rain, you know, so why are you angry at me?"
To herself she said, "My son has strong feelings about missing the picnic. He is disappointed. He is sharing his disappointment with me by showing me his anger. He is entitled to his emotions. I can best help him by showing understanding & respect for his feelings." To Eric she said:
Mother: You seem disappointed.
Eric: Yes.
Mother: You wanted very much to go to this picnic.
Eric: I sure did.
Mother: You had everything ready & then the darn rain came.
Eric: Yes, that's exactly right.
There was a moment of silence & then Eric said, "Oh, well, there will be other days."
His anger seemed to have vanished & he was quite cooperative the rest of the afternoon. Usually when Eric came home angry, the whole household would be upset. Sooner or later he provoked every member of the family. Peace would not return until he was finally asleep late in the evening.
What is so special about this approach, & what are its helpful components?
When a child is in the midst of strong emotions, he cannot listen to anyone. He cannot accept advice or consolation or constructive criticism. He wants us to understand him. He wants us to understand what is going on inside himself at that particular moment. Furthermore, he wants to be understood without having to disclose fully what he is experiencing. It is a game in which he reveals only a little of what he feels, needing to have us guess the rest.
A child's strong feelings do not disappear when he is told, "It is not nice to feel that way," or when the parent tries to convince him that he "has no reason to feel that way." Strong feelings do not vanish by being banished; they do diminish in intensity & lose their sharp edges when the listener accepts them with sympathy & understanding.
Some Principles of Conversation:
From event to relationship.--When a child tells of, or asks about, an event, it is frequently best to respond, not to the event, but to the relationship implied.
Flora, age six, complained that "lately" she had been receiving fewer presents than her brother. Mother did not deny the complaint. Neither did she explain that brother was older & so deserved more. Nor did she promise to right the wrong. She knew that children are more concerned about the depth of their relationships with parents than about the size & number of gifts. Mother said, "You wonder if I love you as much as him?" Without adding another sentence, mother embraced her daughter, who responded with a smile of surprise & pleasure. This was the end of a conversation that could have become an endless argument.
From general to specific.--When a child makes a statement about himself, it is often desirable to respond, not with agreement or disagreement, but with details that convey to the child an understanding beyond expectation.
When a child says, "I am not good in arithmetic," it is of little help to him to tell him, "Yes, you are pretty lousy with figures." Nor is it helpful to dispute his opinion or to offer him advice: "If you studied more, you would be better." Such hasty help only hurts his self-respect & the instant lesson only decreases his confidence.
His statement, "I am not good in arithmetic," can be met with earnestness & understanding. Any of the following will do:
"Arithmetic is not an easy subject."
"Some of the problems are very hard to figure out."
"You must be worrying about what we will think."
"We have faith that you'll do your best."
A 12-year-old boy related that he almost "dropped dead" when father talked to him with such understanding after he brought him a failing report card. His inner reaction was: "I must live up to my father's faith in me."
Voicing of Ambivalence.
Children love & resent us at the same time. They feel two ways about parents, teachers & all persons who have authority over them. Parents find it difficult to accept ambivalence as a fact of life. They do not like it in themselves & cannot tolerate it in their children. They think that there is something inherently wrong in feeling two ways about people, especially about members of the family.
Children need to know that such feelings are normal & natural. We can spare a child much guilt & anxiety by acknowledging & voicing his ambivalent feelings:
"You seem to feel two ways about your teacher: You like him & you dislike him."
A calm, noncritical statement of their ambivalence is helpful to children because it conveys to them that even their "mixed-up" feelings are not beyond comprehension. As one child said, "If my mixed-up feelings can be understood, they are not so mixed up." On the other hand, statements such as the following are definitely not helpful:
"Boy, you are mixed up! One minute you like your friend, then you resent him. Make up your mind, if you have one."
Emotions are part of our heritage. Fish swim, birds fly, & people feel. Emotional education can help children to know what they feel. When he knows clearly what his feelings are, he is less likely to feel "all mixed-up" inside.
Providing a Mirror to the Personality.
How can we help a child to know his feelings? We can do so by serving as a mirror to his emotions. A child learns about his physical likeness by seeing his image in a mirror. He learns about his emotional likeness by hearing feelings reflected by us.
The function of an emotional mirror is to reflect feelings as they are, without distortion:
"It looks as though you are very angry."
To a child who has such feelings, these statements are most helpful. They show him clearly what his feelings are. Clarity of image, whether in a looking glass or in an emotional mirror, provides opportunity for self-initiated grooming & change.
NEW WAYS OF PRAISE & CRITICISM
Praising accomplishments or personality?
Normally praise will build up a child's confidence & make him feel secure. However, praise may occasionally result in tension & misbehaviour. Why? Some children have, from time to time, bad thoughts, so they feel they don't deserve the praise. When parents tell a child, "You are such a good boy," he may not be able to accept it because his own picture of himself is quite different. In his own eyes, he cannot be "good" when only recently he wished that his mother had a zipper on her mouth or that his brother would spend next weekend visiting a friend. In fact, sometimes the more he is praised, the more he misbehaves in order to show his "true self." Parents frequently report that just after praising a child for good deportment, he starts to act wild, as though to disprove their compliment. It is possible that "acting up" is the child's way of communicating his private reservations about his public image.
Desirable & non-desirable praise.
Does this mean that praise is now "out"? Not at all. It does mean, however, that praise, like penicillin, must not be administered haphazardly. There are rules & cautions that govern the handling of potent medicines--rules about timing & dosage, cautions about possible allergic reactions. There are similar regulations about the administration of emotional medicine. The single most important rule is that praise should deal only with the child's efforts & accomplishments, not with his character & personality.
Direct praise of personality, like direct sunlight, is uncomfortable & blinding. It is embarrassing for a person to be told that he is wonderful, angelic, generous, & humble. He feels called upon to deny at least part of the praise. Publicly, he cannot stand up & say, "Thank you, I accept your words that I am wonderful." Privately, too, he must reject such praise. He cannot honestly say to himself, "I am wonderful. I am good & strong & generous & humble." (Editor: If we realise that it's the Lord in us, it helps us to keep praise in perspective.)
He may not only reject the praise but may have some second thoughts about those who have praised him: "If they find me so great, they cannot be so smart."
Our Words & the Child's Inferences.
Praise should deal, not with the child's personality attributes, but with his efforts & achievements. Our comments should be so phrased that the child draws from them positive inferences about his personality. Kenny, age ten, helped his father fix up the basement. In the process he had to move heavy furniture.
Father: The workbench is so heavy. It is hard to move.
Kenny (with pride): But I did it.
Father: It takes a lot of strength.
Kenny (flexing his muscles): I am strong.
In this example, father commented on the difficulty of the task. It was the child himself who drew the inference about his personal power. Had his father said, "You are so strong, son," Kenny might have replied, "No, I am not. There are stronger boys than me in my class." A fruitless, if not bitter, argument might have followed.
Silent statements & Self-Image.
Praise has two parts: Our words & the child's inferences. Our words should state clearly that we appreciate the child's effort, work, achievement, help, consideration, or creation. Our words should be so framed that the child will almost inevitably draw from them a realistic conclusion about her personality. Our words should be like a magic canvas upon which a child cannot help but paint a positive picture of himself. The following examples illustrate this point:
Helpful praise: Thank you for washing the car, it looks new again.
Possible inference: I did a good job. My work is appreciated.
(Less helpful praise: You are an angel.)
Helpful praise: The bookcase that you built looks beautiful.
Possible Inference: I am capable.
(Less helpful praise: You are such a good carpenter.)
Criticism: Constructive & Destructive.
When is criticism constructive & when is it destructive? Constructive criticism confines itself to pointing out how to do what has to be done, entirely omitting negative remarks about the personality of the children.
Larry, age ten, inadvertently spilled a glass of milk on the breakfast table.
Mother: You are old enough to know how to hold a glass! How many times have I told you to be careful!
Father: He can't help it--he is clumsy. He always was & he always will be.
Larry spilled five cents' worth of milk, but the caustic ridicule that followed the accident may cost much more in terms of loss of confidence. When things go wrong is not the right time to teach an offender about his personality. When things go wrong, it is best to deal only with the event, not with the person.
How to behave when a child misbehaves.
When Martin, age eight, accidentally spilled his milk on the table, his mother commented calmly, "I see the milk is spilled. Here is another glass of milk, & here is a sponge." Mother got up & handed the milk & the sponge to her son. Martin looked up at her in relief & disbelief. He muttered, "Oh, thanks Mom." He cleaned up the table while mother helped him. She did not add cutting comments or useless admonitions. Mother related, "I was tempted to say, `Next time be careful,' but when I saw how grateful he was for my benevolent silence, I said nothing. In the past, the cry over spilled milk would have spoiled the mood for the entire day."
Minor mishaps & major values.
From minor mishaps children can learn major lessons in values. A child needs to learn from his parents to distinguish between events that are merely unpleasant & annoying & those that are tragic or catastrophic. Many parents react to a broken egg as to a broken leg, to a shattered window as to a shattered heart. Minor misfortunes should be pointed out as such to children.
What's in a Name?
Abusive adjectives, like poisonous arrows, are to be used only against enemies, not against little children. When a person says, "This is an ugly chair," nothing happens to the chair. It is neither insulted nor embarrassed. It stays just as it is regardless of the adjective attached to it. However, when a child is called ugly or stupid or clumsy, something does happen to the child.
When a child is called clumsy, he may at first retort with, "No, I am not clumsy." But, more often than not, he believes his parents, & he comes to think of himself as a clumsy person. When he happens to stumble or to fall, he may say aloud to himself, "You are so clumsy." He may, from then on, avoid situations in which agility is required because is convinced that he is too clumsy to succeed.
AVOID SELF-DEFEATING PATTERNS (when dealing with children)
Certain patterns of relating to children are almost always self-defeating; not only do they fail to attain our long-term goals, but they often create havoc at home here & now.
Threats: Invitations to misbehaviour.
To children, threats are invitations to repeat a forbidden act. When a child is told, "If you do it once more..." he does not hear the words "if you." He hears only "do it once more."
Peter, age 7, shot the popgun at his baby brother. Mother said, "Not at the baby. Shoot at the target." Peter shot at the baby again. Mother took the gun away. To Peter she said, "People are not for shooting."
Mother did what she felt had to be done to protect the baby & at the same time uphold her standards of acceptable behaviour. Peter learned the consequences of his actions without getting totally discouraged. The implied alternatives were obvious: To shoot at the target or to lose the privilege of having the gun.
In this incident, mother avoided the usual pitfalls. She did not embark on the predictable trail to failure: "Stop it, Peter! Don't you know better than to shoot at your brother? Don't you have a better target? If you do it once more, you hear, once more, you'll never see the gun again!" Unless the child is very meek, his response to such an admonition will be a repetition of the forbidden. The scene that would then follow need not be described--it can easily be reconstructed by every parent.
The "if-then" fallacy.
Similarly self-defeating is the approach that explicitly tells a child that if he will (or will not) do something, then he will get a reward:
"If you learn the poem, then I'll take you sailing." This "if-then" approach may occasionally spur the child toward an immediate goal. But it seldom, if ever, inspires him toward continual efforts. Our very words convey to him that we doubt his ability to change for the better. "If you learn this poem" means "We are not sure you can."
Rewards are most helpful & more enjoyable when they are unannounced in advance, when they come as a surprise, when they represent recognition & appreciation.
Promises: Unrealistic expectations & practices.
Promises should neither be made to, nor demanded of, children. Why such a taboo on promises? Relations with our children should be built on trust. When a parent must make promises to emphasise that he means what he says, then he is as much as admitting that his "unpromised" word is not trustworthy. Promises build up unrealistic expectations in children. When a child is promised a visit to the zoo, he considers it a commitment that the day will not be rainy, that the car will not be out of order, & that he will not be sick. Since life is not without mishaps, children come to feel betrayed & convinced that parents cannot be trusted. The relentless complaint, "But you promised!" is painfully familiar to parents who belatedly wish they had not.
Sarcasm: A sound barrier to learning.
A serious mental health hazard is a parent with a gift for sarcasm. "How many times must I repeat the same thing? Are you deaf? Then why don't you listen?"
Such a parent may not even be aware that his remarks are attacks that invite counterattacks, that his comments block communication by stirring children to preoccupation with revenge.
Wittingly or unwittingly, we should not deflate the child's status in his own eyes & in the eyes of his peers.
A Policy on Lying.
Why do children lie?--Sometimes they lie because they are not allowed to tell the truth. When a child tells his mother that he hates his brother, she may spank him for telling the truth. If he turns around then & there & declares the obvious lie that he now loves his brother, mother may reward him with a hug & a kiss. What is the child to conclude from such an experience? He may conclude that truth hurts, that dishonesty rewards, & that mother loves little liars.
If we want to teach honesty, then we must be prepared to listen to bitter truths as well as to pleasant truths.
Provoked lies. Parents should not ask questions that are likely to cause defensive lying. Children resent being interrogated by a parent, especially when they suspect that the answers are already known. They hate questions that are traps, questions that force them to choose between an awkward lie or an embarrassing confession.
Quentin, age 7, broke a new truck given to him by his father. He became frightened & hid the broken pieces in the basement. When father found the remains of the truck, he fired off a few questions that led to an explosion.
Father: Where is your new truck?
Quentin: It's somewhere.
Father: I didn't see you playing with it.
Quentin: I don't know where it is.
Father: Find it. I want to see it.
Quentin: Maybe someone stole the truck.
Father: You are a liar! You broke the truck! Don't think you can get away with it. If there's one thing I hate, it's a liar!
And father gave him a spanking he would long remember.
This was an unnecessary battle. Instead of sneakingly playing detective & prosecutor, father would have been more helpful to his son by saying:
"I see your new truck is broken."
"It did not last long."
"It's a pity. It's expensive."
The child might have learned some valuable lessons: "Father understands. I can tell him my troubles. I must take better care of his gifts."
Dealing with Dishonesty.
We should not provoke the child into defensive lying, nor should we intentionally set up opportunities for lying. When a child does lie, our reaction should not be hysterical & moralistic, but factual & realistic. We want our child to learn that there is no need to lie to us.
Stealing.
It is not uncommon for young children to bring home things that do not belong to them. When the "theft" is discovered, it is important to avoid sermons & dramatics. The young child can be guided into the path of righteousness with dignity. He is told calmly & firmly:
"The truck belongs to someone else, give it back to him."
The wrong question & the right statement.
If your child has eaten cookies from the forbidden jar, & there is a mustache of sugar on his face, do not ask him questions such as:
"Did anybody take cookies from the jar?"
"Did you by chance see who took them? Did you eat one? Are you sure?"
Such questions usually push the child into making up lies, which adds insult to our injury. The rule is that when we know the answer, we do not ask the question. It is better to state openly:
"Son, you ate the cookies. I told you not to. I am angry & disappointed."
The last statement constitutes adequate & desirable punishment. It leaves the child with discomfort, & the responsibility to do something about his misbehaviour.
Teaching Politeness: Rudely or Politely?
Private models & public manners. Politeness is both a character trait & a social skill; it is acquired through identification with, & imitation of parents who are themselves polite. Under all conditions, politeness must be taught politely. Yet parents frequently teach it rudely. When a child forgets to say "thank you," parents point it out to him in front of other people, which is impolite, to say the least. Parents hasten to remind their child to say "good-bye" even before they themselves bid farewell.
When children interrupt adult conversation, adults usually react angrily: "Don't be rude! It is impolite to interrupt!" However, interrupting the interrupter is also impolite. Parents should not be rude in the process of enforcing child politeness. Perhaps it would be better to state, "I would like to finish telling my story. Then you will have your turn."
From War to Peace.
Parents who are in the midst of a declared or undeclared war with their children over chores & responsibilities should recognise the fact that this war cannot be won. Children have more time & energy to resist us than we have to coerce them. Even if we win a battle & succeed in enforcing our will, they may retaliate by becoming spiritless & neurotic, or rebellious & delinquent.
There is only one way in which we can win: By winning the children over. This task may seem impossible: It is merely difficult, & we have the capacity to accomplish it. Even if we do not presently have friendly relations with a child, such relations can be built in the near future.
Parents can initiate favourable changes in their child by:
1) Listening with sensitivity. Children experience frustration & resentment when parents seem uninterested in their feelings & thoughts. As a result, they conclude that their own ideas are stupid & unworthy of attention & that they themselves are neither lovable nor loved.
2. Preventing "grapes of wrath". Parents should consciously avoid words & comments that create hate & resentment.
3. Stating feelings & thoughts without attacking. In troublesome situations, parents are more effective when they state their own feelings & thoughts without attacking their child's personality & dignity.
When parents listen with sensitivity, suspend cutting comments, & state their feelings & requirements without insult, a process of change is initiated in the child. The sympathetic atmosphere draws the child nearer to the parents; their attitudes of fairness, consideration & civility are noticed & emulated. These changes will not occur overnight, but the efforts will ultimately be rewarded.
Responsibility: Voice & Choice.
Children are not born with a built-in sense of responsibility. Neither do they acquire it automatically at a certain prescribed age. Responsibility, like piano playing, is attained slowly & over many long years. It requires daily practice in exercising judgement & in making choices about matters appropriate to one's age & comprehension.
Conflict areas & realms of responsibility. Education for responsibility can start very early in the child's life. Responsibility is fostered by allowing children a voice, & wherever indicated, a choice, in matters that affect them.
Food.
Even a 2-year-old can be asked whether he wants half a glass of milk or a full glass of milk. A 4-year-old can be given a choice between half an apple or a whole apple. And a 6-year-old can decide for himself whether he wants his boiled eggs hard or soft.
Children should be deliberately presented with many situations in which they have to make choices. The parents select the situations; the children make the choices.
Clothes.
In buying clothes for children, it is our responsibility to decide what attire they need & what to budget for it. In the store, we select several samples--all acceptable to us in terms of price & style. The child can then choose the one he prefers to wear. Thus even a 6-year-old can have a choice in buying his socks & shirts--from among those we have selected. There are many homes in which children get no experience, & develop no skill, in buying clothes for themselves. In fact, there are adults who cannot buy a suit for themselves without having along a wife or a mother to do the choosing.
Homework.
The child's homework should not be interrupted by questions & errands that can wait. We should remain in the background, giving comfort & support rather than instruction & assistance. Occasionally, we may clarify a point or explain a sentence. However, we should avoid comments such as:
"If you weren't such a scatterbrain, you would remember your assignment."
"If you only listened to the teacher you would know your homework."
Our help should be given sparingly but sympathetically. We listen rather than lecture. We show the road but expect the traveller to reach his destination on his own power.
Music Lessons.
When a child plays a musical instrument, his parents will, sooner or later, hear a familiar tune: "I don't want to practice any more." To face this music with objectivity is not an easy task.
Consider that the main purpose of musical education in childhood is to provide an effective outlet for feelings. A child's life is so full of restrictions, regulations & frustrations that a media of release become essential. Music is one of the best avenues of release: It gives sound to fury, shape to joy, & relief to tension.
Parents & teachers do not usually look upon music education from this point of view: For the most part, they look for skill in reproducing melodies. This approach inevitably involves evaluation & criticism of the child's performance & personality. Too often the results are sadly familiar: The child attempts to give up his lessons, avoid the teacher, & terminate his musical "career." In many a home a deserted fiddle, a locked piano, or a mute flute serve only as painful reminders of frustrated efforts & unfulfilled hopes.
What can parents do? The parents' job is to find a teacher who is kind & considerate--one who knows his pupils, not only his music. It is the teacher who holds the key to the child's continuous interest in music & it is he who can open or lock the doors of opportunity. The teacher's vital task is to gain a child's respect & confidence. If he fails in that, he cannot succeed in his instruction: A child does not learn to love music from a teacher whom he hates. The teacher's emotional tone has a stronger echo than his musical instrument.
The Care of Pets.
When a child promises to take care of a pet, he is merely showing good intentions, not proof of ability. A child may need, want, & love a pet, but rarely is he able to take care of it properly. The responsibility for the life of an animal cannot be the child's alone. To avoid frustration & recriminations, it is best to assume that a pet for the child means work for the parent. The child may benefit greatly from having a pet to play with & to love. He may also benefit from sharing in the care of the pet--but the responsibility for the pet's survival & welfare must ultimately remain with the adult.
Freedom Phrases.
A good parent, like a good teacher, is one who makes himself increasingly dispensable to children. He finds satisfaction in relationships that lead children to make their own choices & to use their own powers. In conversations with children, we can consciously use p
hrases that indicate our belief in their capacity to make wise decisions for themselves. Thus, when our inner response to a child's request is "yes," we can express it in statements designed to foster the child's independence. Here are a few ways of saying yes:
"If you want to."
"If that is really what you like."
"You decide about that."
"It is really up to you."
"It is entirely your choice."
"Whatever you decide is fine with me."
Our "yes" may be gratifying to the child, but the other statements give him the additional satisfaction of making his own decisions, & of enjoying our faith in him.
Permissiveness & Over-permissiveness.
What is permissiveness & what is over-permissiveness? Permissiveness is an attitude of accepting the childishness of children. It means accepting that "boys will be boys," that a clean shirt on a normal child will not stay clean for long, that running rather than walking is the child's normal means of locomotion, that a tree is for climbing & a mirror is for making faces.
Destructive behaviour is not permitted; when it occurs, the parents intervene. Permissiveness brings confidence & an increasing capacity to express feelings & thoughts. Over-permissiveness brings anxiety & increasing demands for privileges that cannot be granted.
Setting Limits.
A limit should be so stated that it tells the child clearly a) what constitutes unacceptable conduct; b) what substitute will be accepted.
You may not throw dishes; you may throw balls. Or in less grammatical, but more effective English: Dishes are not for throwing; balls are for throwing.
There are different ways of phrasing specific limits. At times the following four-step sequence may prove effective:
1) The parent recognises the child's wish & puts it in simple words: "You wish you could go to the movies tonight."
2) He states clearly the limits on a specific area: "But the rule in our house is `No movies on school nights.'"
3) He points out ways in which the wish can be at least partially fulfilled: "You may go to the movies on Friday or Saturday night."
4) He helps the child to express some of the resentment that is likely to arise when restrictions are imposed:
"It is obvious that you don't like the rule."
Limits should be phrased in a language that does not challenge the child's self-respect. Limits are heeded better when stated succinctly & impersonally.
"No movies on school nights," arouses less resentment than, "You know you can't go to the movies on school nights."
"It's bedtime" is more readily accepted than, "You are too young to stay up that late. Go to bed."
Discipline Problems & Physical Activity.
Many discipline problems with young children arise over restraint of physical activities. "Don't run--can't you walk like a normal boy?" "Don't jump all over." "Sit straight." "Why must you stand on one foot when you know you have two feet?" "You'll fall & break a leg."
For the sake of both mental & physical health, children need to run, jump, climb, skip, etc. Arranging a suitable environment for muscular activities is a prime--but frequently overlooked--condition for good discipline in children & for an easier life for parents!
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Lord, who am I to teach the way
To little children day by day,
So prone myself to go astray?
I teach them knowledge, but I know
How faint they flicker & how low
The candles of my knowledge glow.
I teach them power to will & do,
But only now to learn anew
My own greatest weakness through & through.
I teach them love for all Mankind
And all God's creatures, but I find
My love comes lagging far behind.
Lord, if their guide I still must be,
Oh, let the little children see
The teacher leaning hard on Thee.
--Leslie Pinckney Hill
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