401 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO WORK AT HOME!--By Bonnie McCullough & Susan Monson.
Introduction
By the time your children reach 18 years of age, they will have spent 32,234 hours under your guidance & training. Consider that it takes only 2,100 hours of classroom & outside study time to complete a bachelor's degree in college, & half that time to learn some skilled trades. Your home has 16 times more teaching hours than does the university! What do you want to do with this time?
Think about your children walking out the door, on their own! We assume they can cope with the everyday challenges of living, but should we? We assume they know about basic household duties & maintenance, but do they? We assume they can efficiently prepare well-balanced, nutritious meals, but can they? We assume they have mastered some basic skills of orderliness with their personal belongings, but have they? We assume they will handle their earnings wisely, avoiding unnecessary debt, but will they? Too often parents let the chips fall where they may, hoping all will turn out for the best. Can we leave the basic teachings to chance?
This book will help focus attention on a workable plan for parents & children to follow in using those 32,234 teaching hours productively. It is not too late to start, no matter what the age of your child, although the methods & incentives may vary.
Setting the Goals
You may ask, "Do we as parents have the right to decide on the goals our children should achieve?" Our answer is yes, because once the parent establishes the parameters in which the child can safely act & develop skills for successfully meeting life's challenges, then the child's right to choose comes into play. The child usually does not have the maturity to set goals without these limits. Unfortunately, we usually give more careful planning to a two-week vacation than we do to the training of our children in the basic home living skills.
It is interesting to note that in a survey we took, asking 250 children about working at home, 97% felt they should work.
If you don't decide on your goals, you'll become like Alice in Wonderland, who was asked by the Cheshire Cat where she wanted "to get to". When Alice answered that she didn't "much care where," he said, "Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
Where Are You Going?
It does matter which way we are going with our children. The following Home Progress Chart has been designed to help define what you hope your own children will have learned before leaving home. The chart is a beginning point & a recording sheet; reduce or expand it to meet your circumstances. Remember that, without being conscious of it, we often forget to teach the youngest child what we taught the older children out of necessity. Also, we neglect to teach boys some household jobs & girls some repair skills, assuming they will have a spouse to handle those omitted areas. But we suggest boys & girls will benefit from learning about both areas.
Now go through the chart, deciding which skills you want your children to develop. There are many entries provided, but it may be more beneficial to choose three categories, look those over carefully, and decide on one skill that you would like to teach your child from each category; or you could choose three skills from only one category.
Home Progress Chart
1. Write the child's initials next to the skill you want to teach. There is room for the initials of several children.
2. When the child has mastered the job, place a slash through the initials.
3. The numbers printed after each skill represent the earliest age to introduce the skill & the age at which you can expect mastery. Of course, every child is different & you must be flexible.
Personal Care Skills
________ Put pajamas away (2-4)
________ Pick up toys (2-6)
________ Undress self (2-4)
________ Comb hair (2-5)
________ Wash face, hands (2-5)
________ Brush teeth (2-5)
________ Tidy bedroom (2-8)
________ Dress self (3-6)
________ Make own bed (3-7)
________ Clean, trim nails (5-10)
________ Leave bathroom neat after use (6-10)
________ Wash & dry own hair (7-10)
________ Arrange for own haircuts (10-16)
________ Purchase own grooming supplies (11-18)
Clothing Care Skills
________ Empty hamper, put dirty clothes in wash area (4-8)
________ Put away clean clothes (5-9)
________ Clean own drawers (6-14)
________ Clean own closet (6-16)
________ Fold, separate clean laundry (8-16)
________ Hang out clothes for drying (8-16)
________ Fold clothes neatly, without wrinkles (8-16)
________ Polish shoes (8-18)
________ Wash clothes in machine (9-16)
________ Operate electric dryer (9-16)
________ Clean lint trap & washer filter (10-16)
________ Shop for clothing (11-18)
________ Basic spot removal (12-18)
________ Waterproof shoes, boots (12-18)
________ Iron clothing (12-18)
________ Hand-wash lingerie or woolens (12-18)
________ Simple mending--buttons & holes (12-17)
________ Sort clothes by colour, dirt, fabric, content (8-18)
________ Take clothes for dry cleaning
________ Simple sewing (12-18)
Household Skills
________ Clear off own place at table (2-5)
________ Wipe up a spill (3-10)
________ Dust furniture (3-12)
________ Set table (3-7)
________ Clear table (3-13)
________ Pick up trash in yard (4-10)
________ Shake throw rugs (4-8)
________ Spot clean walls (4-12)
________ Wipe off door frames (4-12)
________ Clean TV screen & mirrors (4-8)
________ Feed pets (5-10)
________ Clean toilet (5-8)
________ Scour sink & tub (5-12)
________ Empty wastebaskets (4-10)
________ Sweep porches, patios, walks (4-10)
________ Wipe off chairs (6-11)
________ Know differences & use of household cleaners (6-14)
________ Load & turn on dishwasher (6-12)
________ Empty dishwasher & put dishes away (6-12)
________ Wash & dry dishes by hand (6-12)
________ Clean combs, brushes (6-8)
________ Clean bathroom (total) (6-12)
________ Scrub or mop floor (6-13)
________ Use vacuum cleaner (7-12)
________ Clean pet cages & bowls (7-13)
________ Take written phone messages (7-12)
________ Use broom, dustpan (8-12)
________ Vacuum upholstery & drapes (8-14)
________ Water house plants (8-14)
________ Water grass (8-14)
________ Fold blankets neatly (8-14)
________ Wash car (8-16)
________ Weed garden (9-13)
________ Change bed linens (10-13)
________ Replace light bulbs, understand wattage (10-15)
________ Clean fireplace (10-15)
________ Polish silverware (11-15)
________ Replace fuse or know where breakers are (11-18)
________ Oil squeaky door (12-18)
________ Change vacuum belt or bag (12-15)
________ Trim trees, shrubs (12-18)
________ Mow lawn (12-16)
________ Install a lock (12-18)
________ Polish furniture (14-18)
________ Wash windows (13-18)
________ Place long-distance calls (13-17)
________ Place collect calls (13-18)
________ Unstop a drain (13-18)
________ Use weather caulking (13-18)
________ Change a plug on electric cord (14-18)
________ Scrub down walls (14-18)
________ Wax a floor (14-18)
________ Clean bathroom tile (14-18)
________ Replace faucet washer (15-18)
________ Know what to look for in home appliances (16-18)
Cooking Skills
________ Know basic food groups & nutrients (5-14)
________ Put groceries away (6-16)
________ Make punch (6-9)
________ Make a sandwich (6-12)
________ Cook canned soup (7-12)
________ Read a recipe (7-12)
________ Measure properly (7-14)
________ Make gelatin (7-12)
________ Pack a cold lunch (7-12)
________ Boil eggs (7-13)
________ Scramble eggs (9-13)
________ Distinguish between good & spoiled foods (10-18)
________ Bake a cake from a mix (10-14)
________ Cook frozen, canned vegetables (10-13)
________ Mix pancakes (10-17)
________ Read ingredient labels wisely (10-15)
________ Plan balanced meal (10-15)
________ Select & prepare fresh fruits & vegetables (10-18)
________ Bake cookies (10-16)
________ Bake muffins, biscuits (11-17)
________ Make tossed salad (11-15)
________ Make hot beverages (12-16)
________ Fry hamburger (12-16)
________ Broil a steak (12-16)
________ Bake bread (12-17)
________ Make fruit salad (13-15)
________ Clean refrigerator (12-18)
________ Make casserole (14-18)
________ Clean oven & stove (15-18)
________ Carve meat (15-18)
________ Plan & shop for weekly groceries (15-18)
________ Defrost freezer (15-18)
________ Cook a roast (15-18)
________ Fry a chicken (16-18)
Money Skills
________ Know denominations of coins (5-12)
________ Freedom to use small allowance (5-12)
________ Make change & count your change (8-11)
________ Compare quality & prices (8-12)
________ Make bank deposit (10-18)
________ Use a simple budget (12-18)
________ Return item to store properly (14-18)
________ Write a check (14-18)
________ Balance checkbook (14-18)
________ Understand what bills must be paid
(Rent, electricity, water etc.) (14-18)
________ Know how to properly use credit card (14-18)
Navigation & Auto Skills
________ Know address (4-6)
________ Know phone number (4-6)
________ Clean interior of car (8-14)
________ Ride bus or taxi (8-16)
________ Oil a bicycle (9-14)
________ Repair bicycle tire (10-15)
________ Wash car properly (10-17)
________ Read a map (7-14)
________ Polish car (12-17)
________ Fill car with gas (15-18)
________ Check oil (15-18)
________ Fill radiator (16-18)
________ Change flat tire (16-18)
________ Fill tires with air (16-18)
________ Drive car (16-18)
Other Skills
________ Make emergency call to police etc. (5-12)
________ Learn to swim (5-14)
________ Check book out of library (6-10)
________ Type (7-18)
________ Know emergency first aid (10-18)
________ Understand use of medicine & dangers (10-18)
________ Plan a small party (12-18)
________ Properly hang something on wall (12-18)
________ Know differences in types of paint (12-18)
________ Paint a room (12-18)
________ Shampoo carpets (13-18)
________ Change air conditioner filter (14-18)
________ Repair wall holes with putty (14-18)
________ Contact landlord with problem & follow through (14-18)
________ Organise spring house cleaning (15-18)
________ Clean water heater, & if gas, light it (16-18)
Additional Skills
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
Make Plans to Reach Your Goals
Filling out the Home Progress Chart will clarify the skills your child has mastered, the skills that need strengthening, and other skills you want your child to have. Now that you know where to begin, it is time to set goals. Consider the child's level of maturity: Can my child handle this skill physically, mentally, & emotionally? Consider the time demands: Is my child too busy for this with a heavy school schedule, dance or music lessons? Think about parental stress: Am I too tied up with overtime at work to organise? Remain flexible with the plans as circumstances change.
Develop a Reachable Goal
The new teacher learns that a goal is more attainable if it includes these three teaching elements: (1) desired behaviour, (2) needed conditions, and (3) the expected standard. These three ingredients can apply in the home.
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Three Teaching Elements
Behaviour or action: What will be done? "Mark will dust the living room."
Conditions: What equipment is needed? When will it be done? "He will use a dust cloth & spray polish from the 'Maid Basket.' Dusting will be done after breakfast on Saturday."
Standard: How well should it be done? Who will check the work? "Mother will occasionally inspect & find no trace of dust on furniture."
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Goal-Setting Examples
Vicky decides that for her 8-year-old daughter, Shirley, setting the table, dusting the furniture & weeding the flower beds are appropriate skills for the next 3-month period. Since Vicky works full time, Saturdays will be her best training days. While driving home from a piano lesson Vicky says, "Shirley, you've been doing so many helpful things lately & doing them so well, I think you're ready to learn something new. I have three tasks in mind. Which one do you feel ready to try first? Setting the table for our dinner, maybe with candles & flowers to make it really nice; weeding the flower bed in the front yard, working on a small area each week; or would you rather learn to dust the living room with the pine-scented spray polish?" Vicky makes the jobs sound as attractive as possible, then lets her daughter make the final choice. Because Vicky knew what skills her daughter needed to develop, she could direct the goal, making sure to include the three teaching elements.
Shirley decided to weed the flower beds, so a piece of string was used to section off a four-foot square. When she had pulled the weeds within the string, her job was finished. Mother worked with Shirley for the first two Saturdays, to insure that flowers were not pulled with the weeds. After five weeks, the flower beds looked beautiful & needed only slight weeding each Saturday. Vicky told Shirley how lovely the flowers looked & what a fine job she was doing, occasionally working with her for a few minutes to make the job more enjoyable.
Continue setting goals. Most people set weekly and monthly goals at work, so why not at home? Now that you have a long-range goal of getting your children to work at home, you can set yearly & seasonal goals: "This summer I'll start teaching my daughter to sew." Include the child in these decisions.
Children need much practice in each skill, sometimes even going back at a later point to relearn. Provide numerous opportunities: "I need to finish this painting before the storm hits, Charlie, so could you please make sandwiches for lunch?" They also need to learn to be consistent about a new responsibility. That's when a star chart or other means of visual feedback is helpful. Remember, the most important school your child will ever attend is your home. Give praise & encouragement freely, being grateful for small accomplishments. Self-esteem comes through finding a set of competencies. "Shirley, when you weed the flower beds, I feel like I have another woman helping me!" Listen as your child expresses feelings of frustration or success. Build on past successes, as you encourage them to meet future goals.
Knowing the Learning Seasons
When to Teach the Plan
When is the best time to teach a particular skill? A child's learning stages can be divided into three seasons:
Spring: ages 2-5
Summer: ages 5-12
Fall: Ages 13-18
Spring (2-5)
Typical of the first season is the "let me do it" stage of the preschooler. This is the time to lay the foundation of love, willingness, and confidence of "I can do something." Work is spontaneous & mostly voluntary. When the preschooler wants to help, encourage him by finding ways to let him feel helpful even though it may mean the job takes longer. If he wants to wash dishes, remove the glassware & sharp knives and let him. The reward for this patience will come when the child is older & you want him to work.
While building confidence, there is another important lesson for the preschooler to learn: Obedience. Obedience comes from following through on realistic requests. When you say it is time to pick up the toys, then you have to see that the child does what you ask even though it often means interrupting a project & helping the child.
The child will often need parental help to work & follow directions until six or seven years of age.
Next, the preschooler will start learning a basic routine of neatness, like making the bed & picking up toys, & a routine for personal grooming, like bathing, brushing teeth, & combing hair.--Things that have to be done every day.
Summer (5-12)
The child continues working on the grooming & bedroom routines of Spring, but now is ready for specific training in household chores. You will find that children from age 5 to 12 are the best workers. The complexity of their jobs varies greatly during these 7 years, but it is an important training period.
Basic training at age 5 is where the McCulloughs begin, when they introduce their children to a daily morning & evening chore. The child has the chore for a whole week, learning it well before moving on to another job. Success feelings come from keeping the learning steps small, making sure the three teaching elements (action, time & equipment & standards) are met, providing many practice opportunities, & giving liberal praise. Consistent performance is required, & the child needs to experience natural or logical consequences if the job is not done. Regular checkups & follow-through are often necessary.
Fall (13-18)
Fall arrives at about age 13 with a splash of strong colours saying, "I can do it." Let your teenager have a great deal to say about the selection of his or her goals, by going over the Home Progress Chart together. These children should also be more efficient in work techniques than the younger child. Although they are often busy with outside activities, they still need some sort of regular housekeeping responsibility or they might learn the false assumption that "When you are busy, you have an excuse for not doing anything at home."
Because parent-teen communications are less than ideal at times, consider a grandparent, aunt, a respected adult, or another knowledgeable teen to teach some of the skills. It is surprising how much influence & direction you can have when you know your goals, even when getting someone else to help you accomplish them.
Getting the Family Together (Councils & Rules)
Now that you have set your goals, what is the next step?--To get the children's cooperation & commitment. The family council is an ideal vehicle for accomplishing this.
Setting up a Family Council
How do you set up a family council? The basic structure could be like a committee, with the father & mother (if two-parent family) as chairmen & the children as board members. Each member could have a vote, but the parents retain the veto power. Discussions should be handled with the same courtesy that would be shown good friends, with each member having opportunities to initiate ideas, actions & solutions.
When will the council be held? Depending on your circumstances, it could be held one evening after dinner, early Saturday morning, or Sunday afternoon.
Keep the meeting short. The length of time has a direct bearing on its success. Most business can be handled in fifteen minutes; after thirty minutes the efficiency drops.
How will it be used? Some parents use the family council not only as a family business meeting, but also as a time for instruction & play. Parents could teach their children safety, manners, social relations, & moral concepts, in which case the family meeting would take longer.
Statistics from the U.S. Department of Health, Education & Welfare indicate that by holding a regular family gathering one hour a week, whether it be for fun, talk or formal instruction, you reduce the probability of your child having serious problems with delinquency, alcohol, drugs & so forth by up to forty-two percent!
What will be talked about? Start by asking each individual family member if they have any family business to discuss. If they know this opportunity will be available at each meeting, they will begin thinking about it ahead of time & bring up such things as: "Can I bring home the hamster from our school classroom this weekend?" or "What can we do about dirty clothes left under the bed?" This is where parents have to help manage the discussion & not let it be destructive. Keep it positive. It is a time to problem-solve, negotiate & compromise. A mediocre solution with everyone's approval is better than a superior solution ramrodded by an adult or a persuasive teenager. Let the children learn from this process; don't dictate all the actions.
An important part of family council is coordinating schedules & responsibilities.
If your family is involved in many activities, or battles irregular schedules, a family planning calendar is essential. Ideally, it should be large enough to write commitments in the date boxes & will be posted where everyone will see it often.
Besides using the family planning calendar, one family has devised a method of using coloured markers to write in their commitments, so family members can tell at a glace if the entry concerns them. A red marker is used to designate activities that affect the whole family, green initials for the kids, brown for Mom & blue for Dad.
Another way to get organised is for family members to have their own calendar date book & to update it at family council. This will cost a little more, but in families with older children it may be more effective.
The Family Activity Schedule gives a visual view of family activities for the entire year. It helps family members include worthwhile activities but avoid overscheduling.
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FAmily Activity Schedule
Activity
Jan.
Feb.
Mar.
Apr.
etc.
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birthdays
clean yard
etc.
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Establishing the Rules
Another purpose of the family council is to discuss rules & policies. At one of their regular meetings, the Anderson family decided to write down family rules in the form of a bill of rights. They review the rules & add or change them when needed.
Keep such a list simple & positive, saying things like "keep toys picked up" rather than "don't leave toys out". Stress the desired behaviour. Having too many rules dampens their effectiveness.
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Anderson Bill of Rights & Responsibilities
1. We each have the right to our toys, books, & clothes. Others should ask before borrowing them.
2. We will each be responsible for our own bedroom area & two other household chores a day.
3. Everyone will help with dinner dishes &, except for special occasions, no one is excused until the kitchen is clean.
4. We will eat food only in the kitchen & dining areas, to preserve furniture & carpets not designed for easy clean-up or juicy or greasy foods.
5. We will be dressed, & or beds will be made each morning before breakfast.
6. We are responsible for putting our own things (coats, books, toys, projects) away, out of consideration for other family members.
7. If delayed, we will call home to explain, so others won't worry.
8. We will speak kindly to each other & about each other.
9. After using something, we will put it away where it belongs, even if that isn't where we found it.
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Agreeing on Household Standards
It will help the parents if the children are part of a decision as to what is an acceptable level of housekeeping & if they understand why their help is expected. Remember, people are more important than things, but the order of things affects people. A filthy house is unhealthful, a cluttered house slows down everything you try to do, & a sterile house takes too much time to get it that way. In a tidy home, every task is easier & people feel better about themselves, but you don't have to devote your life to cleaning.
As a family, talk about how you want your home to look, then set up assignments.
Holding Personal Interviews
Although some problems are discussed in a council, others should be handled privately. A few parents take their child aside, perhaps into the den, once a month for a formal interview to discuss problems, set goals, & talk about feelings. Other parents do the same thing less formally, by making one-to-one opportunities while riding in the car with the radio off or taking the children for an ice-cream cone & asking a few leading questions & then just listening. Parents of very young children find it easy to take a minute to talk with the child at bedtime. Asking questions like "What was the nicest thing that happened to you today?" or "What did you do for someone else?" will help foster a positive outlook & develop a closer parent-child relationship.
Creating Order Through Routine
A family routine should set aside certain times to do specific things. For example, when you set early morning as the time that the beds will be made & everyone dressed, then you are free from worrying about those for the rest of the day. You would be surprised at the number of people who don't even brush their teeth every day. When should bedtime be? When will you eat breakfast?
A schedule makes it easier to "hook on" new habits. It's easy to say "Your time to practice piano will be from seven to seven-thirty, right after breakfast" when breakfast is served regularly at about the same time. Otherwise there is uncertainty & a new time for practice has to be "found" every day. There should also be a schedule for weekends, although slightly relaxed, to include such things as making the bed & daily pick-up. It's interesting to note that most suicides are on weekends & holidays, when people aren't committed to do something!
Assigning the Job with Charts
We found that the majority of parents just tell their children which jobs to do. This puts the parent in the telling position & the child in the doing category. If the parent doesn't tell, the child doesn't do. The chore chart is a fantastic tool for pulling the parent away from telling, making the chart the regulator, getting some of the emotion out of the situation & strengthening both independence & responsibility.
Much of your success at teaching your child to work is dependent on laying this groundwork first: Setting goals & family rules, teaching proper work techniques, & assigning the work with chore charts. All of these increase the chance of getting the child to work.
In this section, we will offer several charts for your selection. These charts are divided into three types. The first type, Assignment Charts, set up a stable routine & give the child advance notice of assignments. The second type, Fun & Challenge Charts, are used to counter the complaint that "housework is so boring". The third type, Progress Charts, offer more ideas designed to keep track of daily accomplishments & to positively reward a desired habit.
Assignment Charts
Vertical Chore Chart. The McCullough family has used a simple vertical chore chart for the last ten years to assign the children their jobs.
The chore chart has two rows of pockets; the first one for morning & the second for evening. Every Monday morning the chores are rotated. Before assigning the chores, Bonnie looked around for areas of the home that needed daily care & determined what tasks the children could complete in less than ten minutes (their time) without being dependent on someone else's performance first. As it came out, the morning chores were the minimum maintenance (pick-up) for the main living areas of the home. The evening chores centered around dinner preparation, because everyone already helped with clean-up after dinner.
Although every child gets a chance in each area, the expectations change according to the age, keeping the requirements within the child's ability. For example: When the five-year-old cleans the bathroom, he only scours the sink, shakes the rug, & puts away the combs & toothbrushes. When the fifteen-year-old cleans the bathroom, she is expected to clean the bathtub, the toilet & the floor also.
For a one-or-two-child family, where the children have equal ability, perhaps a circular chore chart would be best. This chart will rotate jobs & give variety. To adapt the chart to fit the quantity of work & number of workers, simply make a different number of pie-shaped divisions on the chart. Two circles, one smaller than the other, are cut from heavy paper. Use a thumbtack or brad in the center so the circles can be turned separately. Post it where it can be easily seen, such as in the kitchen.
Flag in a cup. Since some jobs don't need to be done every day, you might prefer to make assignments according to what needs to be done. The job could be written on a three-by-five card & slipped into the child's slot in a job box every morning, or little flags made on popsicle sticks could be set in cups to show the day's assignments. One of the drawbacks of this system is that kids cannot start to work until the parents put out the cards or flags. Sometimes it is hard to be that organised each morning. (Editor: Do it the night before.)
The floor plan. Another possible way to assign cleaning responsibilities might be by drawing a floor plan of your house, either on fabric (in which case you could frame it), or on paper, so it could be posted on the refrigerator. Put a picture of the person in the room he or she is responsible for cleaning.
Daily assignment chart. One single parent, father of three, ran off a stack of the following daily assignment charts at a quick-copy shop. Each night he & his children filled in the assignments for the next day & posted them on the refrigerator. His reason for changing the assignments every day was to coordinate chores with the children's heavy homework & activities.
Monthly calendar chart. With this method you write the child's first initial & job in the calendar box, filling in the whole month. When the child completes the job, he or she crosses it off. If a trade-off is made, it could save misunderstandings for tomorrow if it were recorded on the assignment calendar.
Weekly assignment charts. The family's assignments for an entire week can be shown on one chart. These weekly assignment charts have three categories: Day, child & assignment. A chart can be designed in several different ways, but it must have the same basic grid, with one of the three categories across the top, another down the side, & the third in the boxes between. This chart could be made on poster board & covered with clear contact paper & written on with a washable marking pen.
The helping hand. Create your own chart known as Mother's Helping Hand by cutting a hand shape out of wood or cardboard, or by stuffing an old formal glove, or by sewing an arm from a strip of calico. The hand & fingers could be shaped from an old nylon stocking. Put hooks on the bottom for jobs. When the task is finished the marker could be moved from the assignment hook & hung from the fingers or from a fancy ring.
Fun & Challenging Methods (Assignment Charts)
Chance assignments. On Saturday, the Troxell family writes the chores to be done on little slips of paper & puts them in a jar, then each family member (including Mom & Dad) draws out his/her assignment. They work hard on Saturday morning, leaving the afternoon for fun or personal projects.
Choose a job. At times it is more rewarding & gives extra incentive for the child to choose the job. One Saturday morning when unexpected company was announced, Sue Monson was in a bind to get all the work done. She called her two older children together & explained that the work would take five hours to do. No one had five hours that day, but if they all worked for one-&-a-half hours everything could be finished before Uncle Harold & Aunt Kathy arrived. "Here is the list of things that need to be done. Let's take turns choosing jobs from the list. Eric chooses one job first, Melea next, me next, & then we will start with Eric again." Sharing the work among several family members makes it seem easier.
Monson's emergency list for getting ready for company looked like this:
Lists. Children love to have a list of their jobs for the day. They feel satisfied as they cross off each item, but the biggest reward is in knowing that when this list is all marked off, they are finished & the rest of the day is theirs. Once the habit is formed of doing the basic grooming & dressing, those details need not be included on the list.
Contract. A written contract with the child is a two-way commitment rather than just the one-sided telling. It is okay if it's the parent's idea, but even better when the child agrees. The reward for doing the job on time & consequences for not meeting the deadline could be stated in the contract. This contract agreement can be for a one-time job, like cleaning the garage, or for a regular job habit, like setting the table on time for one week.
Progress Charts
There are times when a daily chart can be used to show accomplishment & give immediate reinforcement. These can be used when trying to promote basic follow-through, such as helping very young children to make beds or brush teeth. Such charts are successful even with older children as a perk-up when there has been a letdown on daily responsibilities. Sometimes, when working on a habit change, an incentive chart like these can help motivation.
Star chart. The simple daily Star Chart is a terrific motivator, especially for the young child who is learning basic skills like personal grooming & room care. It works, too, for older children who need a little boost with their consistency.
The treasure hunt. DeAnna created a treasure hunt for her six-year-old. She handed him the first note, which read, "Empty the trash." A note taped on the bottom of the trash basket said, "Shake the bathroom rugs." The third note (pinned to the bottom of the rug) told him to wash the legs on the kitchen chairs. Under one of them was a final envelope with a quarter in it & a note that stated, "You can buy a treat from the ice-cream man today." This game carried the mutual understanding that the assigned work would be done before collecting the reward.
Race car chart. The very young or immature child wants an immediate reward, but as children grow older, we can help them work for longer-range goals, perhaps using a progressive chart like the Race Car Chart. Set a goal such as taking out the trash every day for two weeks. Draw a pattern similar to the ones you see on game boards & pick a marker, in this case a race car. Each day, if the goal is reached, move the marker closer to the goal. Give generous recognition as the car moves along the track. This chart could be created on the front of the refrigerator with coloured tape, using magnets as markers.
Climb the ladder or bean stalk. Mary's son consistently dropped his coat in the living room & his books on the kitchen table after school. She drew the Bean Stalk Chart to change the habit. Mary made sure there was a place to store his things & that he understood where they belonged. She drew the bean stalk (or it could be a ladder) on a large piece of poster board. A paper doll was used to progress toward the top as each milestone was reached. Choose a habit that needs improvement & measure progress as the figure moves, all the while reinforcing the positive behaviour.
Marbles. Try using game tokens as a progress reward system. "When you have earned twenty marbles, I will play Chinese checkers with you." It would probably have to be a game the child likes & one with a number of playing pieces. He would need to understand what tasks must be done to earn enough tokens to play the game. (Cleaning the sink is worth two marbles, & so forth.) Collect earned marbles or other markers in a plastic bowl, where they can be seen & counted. Checkers, Scrabble, dominoes are just a few of the games that could be used. The reward is given in adult time--a commodity cherished by most children.
Teaching Them How to Work
If you want the children in your home to work, you will have to teach them. You will have to show & tell, inspect & praise, & it isn't something that is accomplished in a day.
There are breakdowns in getting kids to work, & many times it is because we have missed teaching a step in the job process. How well children learn to work depends on five things. We will discuss the first four below.
Learning Styles
Research has helped educators identify numerous distinct learning preferences in people. At home you can also identify some of your child's preferred ways of gathering information by asking the following questions.
"Would you rather work by yourself, with a friend, or with Mom or Dad?"
Style: Individual, Group, or Family
"Should we use a chart to show your responsibilities, or can I just tell you what you should do?"
Style: Reader or Listener
"Do you want me to explain carefully how to wash the car or would you rather read & follow the directions on the can of car wash yourself?"
Style: Detailed Instruction or Discovery
Consider the example of Erica, an eight-year-old, who spends every free minute with her nose in a book. Her mother's words seem to go in one ear & out the other. Erica's style is the written word. A note that lists her job assignments will have more impact than will constantly telling her what must be done. In the same family, John likes to talk, & to listen intently as his father reads to him. John can be told what needs to be done & does it--he is a listener! Some children like to work with a group of people. For them a "family clean-up hour" will produce more help than an assignment to work alone. Other children enjoy private time & do an excellent job working independently.
Show & Tell Step-By-Step
We all hesitate to enter a tunnel when we can't see the end, for fear of not getting out. Weeding the garden could sound like a long tunnel, but dividing it up into four-foot-square sections with a rope or just requiring one row to be done a day isn't as overwhelming. Rather than saying, "Let's pick up the house," declare a twenty-pick-up (each person picks up & puts away twenty items), or a five-minute pick-up, offering a foreseeable end. Keep in mind that, after the job is done, giving them another task squelches the incentive to get the first one finished. "Why hurry? If I get this row of beans weeded, Dad will just make me do another one." Telling them where the end is helps them look beyond this task to freedom.
Give notice of upcoming work periods, keeping them short & successful. At most elementary schools, a warning bell rings five minutes before the final bell, which signals the beginning of school. Advance warning of pending work helps secure cooperation.
Consider the physical arrangement, equipment & supplies--make it easy for them to succeed. Organise a maid basket in which to keep the basic cleaning supplies: Glass cleaner, general cleaner, disinfectant, rags & paper towels. Having the child take the maid basket with him to clean will encourage a more thorough job. Caution: Be sure to establish a safe storage location for such supplies, where smaller children cannot get to them. Don't be afraid to label shelves to show where things go.
Sherolyn found colour coding can be a way of making things easier for her child. A newspaper article told about a mother of quintuplet girls who dressed each baby in a unique colour every day so she could tell them apart. At first, Sherolyn thought that was unfair; surely the girls would grow up to hate their colours. It was, however, a way to make the girls individuals, not just a group. Sherolyn adapted this idea to her children's possessions, but not necessarily to the colour of their clothes. She assigned each of her three children a colour; red, yellow & blue because they are the primary colours & easy to remember. (Mom has green & Dad has purple.) Then she tagged their clothes in the back with a half-inch square of polyester fabric, sewing the swatches into some items of clothing & attaching them to others with gold safety pins. This makes it easy for any member of the family to fold & sort the laundry. Embroidery thread was used on the toes of socks. That way Mom's nice white tube socks didn't end up in her teenage son's pile. Sherolyn bought plastic cups in these colours for the mug rack in the bathroom, to make getting a drink easy & save filling the dishwasher with fifty glasses every day. She used the same colours when buying things like scrapbooks & toothbrushes. Permanent felt-tip pens were used to mark other things. (These could also be the colours used on the family activity calendar.) All of this helped the children to be individual, have their own, & keep things simple.
Before a new pair of gloves or new sweater can be worn the first time, the rule is that it has to have a label, making it easier to keep track of possessions.
Insist on order. It is important to insist that things not be dropped everywhere & anywhere in the house. Many parents complain about children leaving a trail of coats & books behind them as they walk in the house. Create a place to put such items. Install hooks & shelves in a front closet. Then insist that the children use them. Even a box behind a chair for school books is better than books everywhere. Leaving things out in the main living areas gives an illusion of clutter that affects the family morale. A wise man said long ago, "By small & simple things are great things brought to pass." It may be the control & order of little things that makes a home run smoothly.
Make a time for work. Having a set time every day or every week will help the child accept the assignment & plan other activities around home responsibilities. To improve cooperation, make this decision together in family council. Contrary to the pleading of your children, efficiency will improve if friends are not allowed during work time. They will need time, without playmates, to work, & you will need to regulate that work.
Job Descriptions
How often has a child tried to tell her parent, "But you didn't tell me that was part of the job," switching the blame of an incomplete job to the parent. If the adult is very busy or the home has other children, the parent may not be sure if the child is right or not.
Following are the cleaning specifications for the McCullough home. They were typed on index cards & tacked in the closet or behind the curtains of the appropriate rooms.
Cleaning Specifications (To be tacked in closets)
Front Room
Daily:
--Put away books & toys
--Close piano, put bench under
--Straighten cushions
--Put newspapers neatly under table
--Vacuum traffic areas
Weekly (Saturday:)
--Vacuum carpet
--Dust all furniture
--Take newspapers to garage
--Damp-wipe around door frame
--Shake rugs
--Sweep porch
Bathroom
Daily:
--Pick up all hair equipment & straighten counter
--Pick up toys & clothes
--Straighten towels
--Scour sink & polish chrome
--Wipe off back of toilet
--Shake rug
Weekly:
--Scour toilet bowl
--Wash towels
--Wash brushes & combs
--Polish mirrors
--Sweep & mop floor
Bedrooms
Daily:
--Make bed
--Pick up clothes
--Fold & put away pajamas
--Keep top of bed & chest neat
Weekly:
--Dust
--Vacuum
--Straighten drawers
--Change bed sheets
--Damp-wipe around door frame
Family Room
Daily:
--Pick up toys & books
--Straighten pillows & cushions
Weekly:
--Vacuum carpet
--Wipe TV & around doors
--Dust
Kitchen
Daily:
--Rinse & put dishes in dishwasher
--Refill cold drinking water
--Cover leftovers & put in refrigerator
--Wash pans & serving bowls
--Dry pans & serving bowls
--Shake rugs
--Sweep floor
--Scour & polish sink
--Wipe off counters & table
--Put away chairs
--Fold down table
Guided-Discovery Questioning
Guide a child into discovering for himself what still needs to be done by asking questions. "Standing here at the doorway, how does it look?" "Is there something you could do to the drawers to make them look better?" (Close them.) When offering help, leave the responsibility with the child by asking, "Would you like me to help?" But also give him the chance to discover what needs to be done.
One father plays a game with his kids which is patterned after the observation game. The observer gets a minute to look at twenty items on a tray before it is taken away, & then tries to list them all. The father challenges his young children to put away twenty things, & then Dad tries to remember as many of them as he can!
Supervision
If you want to achieve the goal of getting your child to work at home, be available to supervise--not as a taskmaster with a whip but as a coach, to direct, help, encourage & motivate.
When the parent is near the action, expressions of encouragement on how well the job is coming & appreciation when the job is completed are more likely to be given--helping to fill the basic human need for self-esteem. When these verbal rewards are given, the child is more likely to work again for you. The child also wants to know, "Did I do it right?" One neighbour commented that even as a teen she never worked when her mom was gone, even though the hours dragged & there was nothing else to do. She needed adult feedback.
For some jobs, we not only need the skill, but we have to develop the self-motivation to do it every day--for example, bed making. It not only takes help to learn the skill, it takes parental help, especially supervision, to learn the mature work habit of following through--a principle not usually considered. We assume that because the child has the skill, he can do it. The reason he often can't, is because he doesn't have the habit yet. Establishing the habit takes much longer than teaching the skill.
Giving Positive Feedback
Studies have proven that pointing out what's wrong doesn't bring about a change or even move as quickly toward the desired goal as does giving positive comments about acceptable or correct aspects of the job. A negative comment reinforces the wrong performance. A positive comment builds confidence & the desire to do better, to reap even more approval.
Statistics reported by Dr. Stephen Glenn of the Family Development Institute show that in the average home a child receives only one positive response for every twenty-one negative responses. (Even the dog fares better.) In school, the ratio is thirteen negative to one positive. What are we doing to our children? Consideration of the following principles may help us be more positive with our children.
Parents are two of the most significant people in the child's life. Approval given by the parents can determine how successful the child can be at mastering a certain task.
Evaluation should be immediate. Do you remember studying many hours for a test & anxiously wondering about your score but not finding out the results until several weeks later? The child strives for recognition, & the sooner it is given, the better.
Give recognition for even the meagerest of accomplishments as your children learn new skills or practice old ones. There has to be something good that can be said. To tell John that his cake was the "best in the World" when it was flat only makes John feel defeated & distrust your word. But you could say, "It was so nice of you to take the time to bake this cake for us." In this case, the attention was focused on the effort made, not the end result.
Suppose a young boy picks up five books but leaves three on the floor. Commenting on the five he picked up is better than nagging about the other three.
Change your responses. Even though the goal is to change the child, in many cases it is best done by changing the parents' behaviour; in this case positive rather than negative feedback.
Use the list of positive statements that follow to initiate creative responses. Your youngsters will enjoy hearing more than the traditional "good", "nice job", & "fine". Even the younger child likes hearing a big word like "stupendous", if you explain that it means great & wonderful!
Positive Statements That Encourage
What a worker!
Fantastic effort!
I like the way you're working!
That looks like it's going to be a great job!
This kind of work pleases us very much!
I appreciate your helpfulness!
Now you've got the hang of it!
This is much better!
Keep up the good work!
You are learning so much!
Wow, you really stick to your job!
You catch on real fast!
You've just about got it!
You're getting better at _____ every day!
You must have been practicing!
(--And there are many more you can use with just a little thought!)
Offering Incentives & Rewards
Incentives & rewards are motivators from outside the child & can be anything the child likes: Books, privileges, praise, food etc. A good incentive may be needed in the beginning of training or to perk up interest, but it can gradually be eliminated. On the other side of motivation, consequences occur when the child makes a wrong choice. Natural consequences happen because of the nature of the World--if you don't wear gloves on your hands in freezing weather, they get cold.
The following is a collection of rewards & incentives that we have tried or that have drawn our attention. You have to keep working to find the right blend of rewards & incentives to keep your child motivated. It is as though each child has his own secret combination & we have to find the right set of numbers to unlock them. Use the ideas that fit your mood & circumstance.
Verbal Strokes (Compliments)
Social rewards are the most successful in bringing about change in a child's behaviour. These verbal expressions of encouragement & appreciation don't cost money, either. We all seek them, we save them up, & they are building blocks of self-confidence. Serve them generously!
By making your positive comments deal with specific details, the child knows what she or he did right. "I can tell by how smooth the covers are that you worked especially hard making your bed this morning!"
Love Notes
Love notes can be a lot of fun once you start looking for ways to write your appreciation. One family has a wall in the den on which to put notes for each other. "Teri, thanks for helping today", or "October 9, the day Mom got the mending caught up."
The Johnson family started Accomplishment Sheets for each child & parent to record for themselves the extra things they did for the family. This way, the family members didn't have to wait for someone else to notice their efforts. We all need to recognise the things we are doing--to have a sort of "victory list". Adding up accomplishments can help build self-esteem.
(Editor: These might be good once in awhile as they might help children to appreciate just how much their parents do for them, & help them to take all of these actions as real signs of their love. Also when the children do them, it forces the parents to appreciate & verbalise their appreciation of the little things the children do that they perhaps took for granted.)
Ribbons, Certificates, & coupons
Pam used the incentive method to motivate a habit change: Taking off clothes right side out (saves lots of time on laundry day). Instead of nagging, she packed a suitcase with Dad's big pajama bottoms, socks & sweat shirt. At family council, the game was to put on Dad's clothes & take them off right side out. That means pulling the pant leg & the sock from the toe instead of peeling them down from the top. Each child who was successful (& she made sure they all were) received a coupon redeemable for a treat. Then Pam explained that another coupon would be earned by each person whose clothes came through the laundry on wash day all right side out. After issuing success coupons for only three weeks, Pam had modified an undressing habit that had amounted to many work hours for her!
Everyone loves to receive certificates. Make your own by using ideas from children's colouring books or newspaper ads. These could be awarded at family council, at dinner, or left propped against the bed pillow.
Privileges
Work before fun gives incentive to get it done. Generally, a basic routine that must be done before school, television or play is fair. The simple idea of having the child dress before breakfast helps him to do it in half the time it would take to dress after breakfast. An immediate incentive: "At one o-clock, everyone in the family whose room is cleaned & vacuumed can go with us for a family swim." When the time arrives, only those who have completed the task get the reward. Be firm.
Food
Food can be used as an immediate reward, especially to change behaviour. You have to be careful in using food as a reward or you may teach bad eating habits, so don't go overboard. But, we have to admit, food can be a powerful motivator. "Everybody who picks up & puts away twenty things gets some peanut butter balls." You can't be handing out peanut butter balls everytime you want something done, but if you were ready to have a treat time, why not have a short pick-up time first. Popcorn is also a good incentive. Keep a sensible balance; the leverage will be lost if you are doling out sweets every time the child does something.
Challenges
"Let's see who has the most seeds in their tangerine," challenged Bonnie one day in a desperate appeal to get her family to eat tangerines. They preferred the no-seed navel oranges, but Bonnie couldn't throw out thirty pounds of tangerines just because they had seeds! Five years later, her children are still counting tangerine seeds--but, obviously, not the same thirty pounds.
Try the challenge: "Can I get dressed before the timer rings?" "How many diapers can I fold in ten minutes?" Children love to play Beat the Clock. The challenge should not be a person-against-person one because resentment can develop. For example, if we tell Matt (five) & Becky (eight), "Let's see who can get dressed first," the one who loses will cry. It would be better to say, "Let's see who can be dressed before the timer rings in ten minutes," giving them both a chance to win.
The Unexpected Response
When one of Sue's third grade students started making weird, disruptive noises during a spelling test, Sue quickly said, "Oh, let's stop & listen. Here, Tom, stand up on the desk so we can see & hear you better. Now make those noises for us." This out-of-the-ordinary response brought silence from Tom & put Sue back in control.
Watch for the Right Incentive
Sometimes, if you are watching, motivation opportunities will surface. One mother, whose teen-age son had extreme difficulty keeping his room clean, found a clue in her son's request for a good feather pillow. "Yes, son, you can have this pillow as long as you make your bed every day." Although the bedroom remained a major problem, they didn't want to drive their son away from home by making it a constant issue. One day the boy forgot to make the bed &, without comment, the pillow was taken away. That day the boy made the bed when he got home from school, redeeming the pillow, & it didn't happen again. By this time, the boy had learned he could make the bed quickly & he liked it better that way.
Providing Logical Consequences
No matter how exciting, how easy, fun, fair & organised you have made the work, you must anticipate that your rules will be tested. And you should be ready, by deciding now how your policies will be enforced. The outside world is filled with consequences. If you don't pay the phone bill, your phone service will be disconnected.
Is the consequence reasonable? One mother said, "All right, you guys, if you don't hang up the towels, you don't get any," & took them all out of the bathroom. She stood firm on the consequence--they had to dry off with toilet tissue & tiptoe to the bedroom naked. Was the consequence reasonable? Did they learn what she wanted them to? Maybe. It might make the point as a one-time lesson, or there might be another consequence that could be used--but it's hard to think of one. That's what makes this consequence business so hard to deal with. Maybe a large sign would work--or perhaps a four-week incentive. Most parents would just nag, yell, or withhold privileges indiscriminately.
Is this consequence enforceable? Be sure to ask yourself this before you let the words out of your mouth--you may be punishing yourself or have to back down from the "promise".
John was trying to teach his children to turn off the lights when they left the bedroom. Each time he found a light on & no one in the room, he unscrewed one of the bulbs until there were no lights. They lost the privilege of light for one night. The first time a lamp or radio was left on, John would unplug it. The effort to replug it was a reminder to the child. The second offense meant it was taken away for one day; the third offense, for two days. After three times, he asked them to pay part of the utility bill. Another parent charged his children a nickel every time the light was left on.
Logical consequences: If you track grease in on the carpet, you shampoo the carpet. If walking around in your stocking feet makes holes in your socks, you mend them or buy the next pair. When your clothes come through the laundry wrong side out, you get them back that way--or you don't get them washed until they have been turned.
To make certain the child knows what brought about the consequence, include a time to talk. Asking him to restate the broken rule is one of the most effective tricks. It removes misunderstandings & reinforces his memory for next time. It needs to be done in a kind, matter-of-fact way, not to "make him eat crow".
Eight O'Clock Pick-Up
Carolyn discovered a natural consequence that worked wonders. The incident that motivated Carolyn & her husband, Bob, to try this program was the mess they came home to one night. Books, toys, clothes, towels & dishes were everywhere. Rather than wake everyone in their anger, they laid out a plan. The next morning they explained to the children, "We will go through the house twice a day at eight o'clock. Anything left out in the general living areas will be put in the Extra-Service Box & will have to be redeemed with a chore sometime before Saturday at noon. Consider yourselves warned." That night, Carolyn & Bob picked up twelve things. Next morning, when the children noticed the Extra-Service Box sitting in a conspicuous place on top of the refrigerator, they were all curious about who had things in the box. "What do I need to do for you, Mom, to earn back my shoes?" "Wipe off the TV screen" was the answer.
Carolyn had unsuccessfully tried using a similar technique before, where she would pick up an item left out at any time. This was asking for perfection from the child & the parent had to stand guard all the time. It was unenforceable. Her real purpose was not to make the child perfect, but to get him or her to notice & put away their own things.
The evening of the second day, the fifteen-year-old could be seen picking up a whole arm load as she headed toward her bedroom. Success! It was working. The fourth morning was Saturday. As the eleven-year-old boy appeared for breakfast, he noticed the service box & started checking to see if he had to redeem anything. This young man not only redeemed his own items, but everyone else's too. Then he proudly took each item to the owner, telling about his generosity. Carolyn's eight-year-old daughter had a spurt of energy while her mother was gone, & emptied the dish drainer & washed a sinkful of dishes. "Did you like the way I helped out? Does that mean I have redeemed something ahead of time?" Success again! She was noticing things that needed to be done without being told.
This eight o'clock pick-up was used by Carolyn every day for several weeks & then she let it die because the children were much improved at picking up after themselves. Why did the eight o'clock pick-up work?
1. The children were mature enough to understand.
2. The eight o'clock rounds were easier to enforce than the "all the time" rule.
3. The Extra-Service Box was left out where it could be seen.
4. Redemption chores were kept very, very simple--less than five minutes (child's time) & chores that were not normally theirs.
5. Special efforts were made to give lots of positive attention when the children picked up & put things away at other times.
6. A gentle, one-time reminder was often given before the parent's rounds were made.
7. The child's things left out in his own bedroom did not count; rather, they were treated with the daily pick-up chore by the child in the room & on Saturday when the bedroom was thoroughly cleaned.
Children are tender. When discipline is necessary, show increased love soon afterward, otherwise the child may begin to see you as his enemy. Keep the consequences fair & related to the offense. Don't just blow up & say, "You can't go to the birthday party" or deny whatever the next privilege is to be. Ask yourself, "Is this the way I would like someone to talk to me?" "Is this how I would talk to a friend's child?" Keep it simple so the child can understand the association between the act & the consequence. Give a warning when possible: "You understand the consequence of this behaviour will be..." Good consequences teach self-control, fairness, & respect for rules.
Organising the Bedroom
One of the biggest dilemmas for parents is what can be done about the child's bedroom. If we leave the care of the room totally to the child, he or she may decide not to clean. If the parent cleans the room for the child all of the time, the child will learn to like it clean, but expect someone else to clean it. Neither of these attitudes is healthy. Adopt the theory that it is better to help children with their rooms so they learn to like order & feel good about themselves, than to withdraw, close the door, & allow them to live in a mess.
Although children like the good feeling of living in a clean room, they are often too immature to know how to keep it that way. Adult assistance is needed.
The first thing to do to help the child organise the bedroom is to evaluate the reasons for the problem. Take thirty minutes, go sit down on the floor of your child's bedroom, & brainstorm causes & possible solutions. (Have a tablet & pencil with you.) Look at the room from the child's point of view--that's why you are sitting on the floor. In evaluating the room, look for ways to (1) cut down the quantity of items to a manageable number for the age & maturity of the child, (2) arrange the room to make it as easy as possible for the child to pick up & clean, & (3) make a definite place for everything in the room.
Cut down the quantity. Consider the structure & physical limitations of the room. Is there too much in the room? Is there some way part of the child's belongings could be stored elsewhere? Even better, does he need all of these things? Maybe getting rid of part of them would simplify his life.
Check the room arrangement. While you are sitting there on the floor, look for ways the room could be arranged to make it easier for a little person to manage. What about the bed? Are the sheets, blankets & bedspread manageable, or are they the ones adults think cute or pretty, but that are hard for a child to make up neatly?
As you are looking for ways to make the room arrangement easier, ask, "Can the child hang up his own coat & robe?" If not, maybe hooks would be easier than hangers. Shoe boxes in the drawers make terrific dividers to separate socks, underwear, belts & pajamas. Don't forget to ask for the child's opinions, too.
Create a place for everything. A child needs adult help doing this. Go through the following list & check items that still need a resting place. Make these suggestions fit your circumstances.
Is there a place to sleep that the child can manage?
Is there a place for hanging clean clothes? Normally this would be a closet. Is the rod low enough? If you don't want to alter the closet permanently, hang a broom stick from the higher rod with ropes. The younger child can pull clean clothes off the hangers, but it is a more advanced skill to put them back on a hanger. At this age, they are usually only wearing clothes for one day & then putting them in the laundry, but what about the robe, coats & sweaters that don't need washing every time? Perhaps hooks would be best. Some children don't need a closet because everything they wear can be folded.
Is there a place for out of season clothes & clothes not yet grown into? Often, because the child doesn't need all the closet space for current clothes, we hang the out-of-size & out-of-season clothes in the closet too, but this can create problems. Try boxing up these extra clothes in sturdy fruit boxes & storing them in the top of the closet or in some other area, like the laundry room.
Is there a place for shoes & boots? Will their place be under the bed? Is there unused space at the end of the closet that could be fitted with little shelves?
Is there a place for dirty clothes? You would be surprised how many adults expect their children to carry their dirty clothes to a central dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom or downstairs to the wash every time they undress. Try putting a container like a hamper, large wastebasket or box covered with wallpaper conveniently in the room or closet.
Is there a place for folded clean clothes? Usually the child has drawers for clean clothing. What about hats & gloves? Perhaps a dish pan on the closet shelf or hooks by the back door. Some families have a special tradition of putting the pajamas away under the bed pillow or in zip-up stuffed animals. Help the child to remember the system of organisation by labeling the shelves & drawers. If you have many children in your family, organise every chest of drawers the same way, such as: Top drawer, treasures; second drawer, pajamas, undies & socks; third drawer, pants & shirts; & fourth drawer, junk. One more tip: Make it an annual tradition to clean out the drawers by using the wrapping paper from the child's birthday gifts to line the drawers. Christmas can motivate children to clean closets & drawers. "Let's make room for new things. Can we give some of these to a family in need?"
(Pic = 7.5 cm.)
Is there a place for trash?
Is there a place for books? Perhaps the answer is a headboard with a bookcase, a set of brick-&-board shelves, or shelves in a closet. If you want the child to read for pleasure, have a place for books in the bedroom.
Is there a table or desk for the child to work at?
Is there a place to put school books or pending homework?
Is there a place to keep finished papers or reports? Maybe a real file cabinet or just a box in the closet is the solution.
(Pic = 5.5 cm.)
Is there a place to keep toys? Except for large toys, toy boxes are the worst possible storage. Every time the children want a toy, they dump the whole box & make a big mess. Games & puzzles with many pieces seldom get put back together after being dumped in a toy box. Consider separating the games, building blocks & puzzles into bags (net bags like the ones grapefruit come in are terrific), or boxes. Put a large rubber band around the box in case it should be dropped, so everything doesn't come out. Buy inexpensive sewing elastic & tack the two ends together to make your own sturdy elastic bands. Hooks in the closet, a pegged mug rack, peg board or game tree (Like a coat tree, but with hooks all the way down the pole) can hold these toy bags.--Or a suspension pole could be set in the corner, holes drilled for hooks, & toy bags hung from the pole. Or vertically hang a long 2-inch wooden dowel from a plant hook in the ceiling. Screw cup hooks into the wood on which to hang toys. Secure a fishing net between 2 walls in a corner of the room as a hammock for dolls & animals.
(Pic = 5.0 cm)
Is there a place for display? Little things that are important to the child need a place, especially if there are younger siblings who might ruin them. A simple knickknack shelf or a corner shelf might be the solution. If there are more items than will fit neatly, rotate them. A bulletin board or clothes line along a wall could be used to display posters or art projects. There are pictures & mementoes that are nice to put in a scrapbook
to be shown to future generations. Guide the child in knowing what to keep. Label pictures with names & dates for easy reference.
Are there enough organising tools? A mirror, calendar, pencil holder etc. help a child get organised.
Set Limits
The places you have created to put things can carry an automatic limit. A dish pan or box for school papers is a limit. When the box is full, the child goes through the papers, keeping only the favourites. After storing things for awhile, some of the initial emotional attachment is gone & it is easier for the child to discard them. A bulletin board & knickknack shelf are limiting. When they are full, some of the papers or hobby items need to be stored.
Help the Child Clean the Bedroom
A messy room for several days signals a need for parental help in cleaning & organising. Most, although not all, children can handle their own bedrooms by age fourteen, but even after that age, they occasionally enjoy parental assistance. At about five or six years of age they start collecting more things, & they begin having trouble keeping the room clean. At this time, there is a great need for parental consistency. Help the child do a little minimum maintenance (pick up, make bed, take care of clothing) every day, & give the room a good cleaning once a week.
Help the child learn a cleaning system & divide the cleaning into small categories so that he can see progress. Have them start with the biggest thing first. Ask, "What is the biggest thing in your bedroom?" (Probably the bed.) "Let's clean it off first & make it." What is the second biggest category that needs to be picked up? Perhaps the books or dirty clothes.
Take the attitude that this is the child's room & he or she is the manager, & the parent is the "consultant". Don't be afraid to ask "What would you like me to do?" but leave the child in charge. What you are after is more independence, not dependence.
Point out progress by saying, "See how nice the books look when they are all on the shelf!" "It's more fun to play in this clean room."
The two-point method for putting clothes in a hamper can be lots of fun & motivate your children to pick up. If the garment goes into the hamper when tossed, with nothing sticking out, you get two points. Instead of starting Lecture Number Thirty-eight about clothes all over the floor, just pick up a sock, toss it in the hamper, & announce, "I get two points." Most children pick up on this very quickly & want points too, & try to make the basket. From then on, the parent keeps score as the child picks up the clothes. If the item is hanging over the edge, only one point is given. As a parent, you won't mind losing at this game because you are really the winner; the child has picked up the clothes, as you intended in the first place.
What about the child who is very very messy? It might help to know that only one child in five is born neat; the rest have to be taught. It will take patience &, even though it sounds discouraging, you may have to stick with helping the young child clean for several years, not just weeks.
Sue Monson found a formal inspection sheet for older children helpful in establishing a clear standard & teaching exactly what was expected. The inspection sheet (see example on next page) taught everyone two things: To know the standard required & to take notice of the dirt & clutter. When Sue told the children they could inspect their parents' room, they squealed & began planning to play the role as the toughest sergeants around, making the project seem fair & acceptable.
With the chart, the inspection could be completed in five minutes. The exact time of each upcoming inspection was written on the form, giving several days' notice. Treats were given for scoring from forty up to the possible fifty points. These prizes were kept very simple. She wanted the biggest reward to come from meeting the standard set on the inspection sheet, not from the token prize.
Managing Money
How your child manages money in the future is more important than how much he or she has. When the child has money, there are four parts to managing it: Budgeting, saving, earning & giving.
Budgeting
Give them experience in planning their own spending & help them understand the family budget. Most kids just spend until the money is gone, then wait until next pay day. It will be a great asset to them, & they will get more of what they really want, if they learn to set goals, plan, keep track of expenses, & re-evaluate their money habits.
Give the young child opportunities to buy. If she has selected a dot-to-dot book to purchase with her own money, let her count out the coins, hand the clerk the money, get some change back & carry the paper sack. There will be a few times that they lose their money. Help them find ways to carry it safely. A zippered bag or sealed envelope with the child's name & what it is for helps prevent loss as the child skips, tumbles & runs to school.
Gradually give children more financial responsibility, preparing them for the time when they leave home & money management is totally theirs. One family has progressed to the point where they feel confident in giving each teen all his or her clothing & shoe allotment, school lunch money, bus fare & allowance in one lump sum each month so the child can do his or her own budgeting. They write down their basic budget & then keep track of their purchases. Once in a while the kids make an unwise decision, or give into an impulsive whim. What about loans? When you give the child a loan, let him pay it back. You may not need the money, but the child needs to learn to pay back obligations. If your child misuses money too often, back up a little. The simple chart that follows helps them see what they got for the money & whether or not they would spend it that way again.
Give them experience. Josh learned how expensive food was by meal planning, list making, & shopping. After that he was more careful about opening the refrigerator to his friends. Don & Jane used a visual experience to help their children understand the family budget. Don turned in his paycheck for cash, brought it home & called everyone for a family-council meeting. The kids' eyes widened as they saw that much real money, but were disappointed as it went into each envelope for bills. They talked about getting a few of those dollars back by being more careful to close the outside doors, turn out lights & maintain what they already had. Another family tried to create the same type of experience by using Monopoly money.
Saving
Saving, a skill that goes along with money, must be done in little steps. By the time a child is earning some of his own money, guide him into saving part of it. One midwestern family had this policy: "Either put twenty-five percent of your money into savings or pay twenty-five percent to Mom & Dad for room & board." In another family, two boys have paper routes. After their weekly collections, they dump the money in the middle of the floor (fun visual experience). First they take out enough to pay the paper bill, then a tithe. They talk about how much they will need for spending that week, considering birthdays or special activities that are scheduled. The rest goes directly to savings. This provides fantastic training as these boys go through this exercise every week.
Earning & Giving
It takes a little maturity to be able to wait a week or two for the paycheck. When young children first start to work for pay, they need immediate payoffs: Sweep the porch now & receive a dime now.
With earning, teach your children the joy of giving. Being able to give, to give willingly, & in the right amounts are attitudes most parents will want to foster by creating opportunities for such experiences. One couple who yearly gave ten dollars to a children's hospital decided to give their three young children the growing opportunity to earn & give. They set three baby food jars, each with a child's name on it, on the kitchen counter, & found ways for their little children to earn five of the ten dollars in "love pennies" for the sick children at the hospital. The children were paid immediately, or at the end of each day, for their little extra jobs. They loved seeing the pennies stack up. Little children naturally have a loving & generous heart, & that attitude can be nurtured.
Evaluating
"Why didn't it work? My children are not doing their chores. Their bedrooms are messy." Take the time now to reflect, before you plan your next strategy. Maybe you have asked too much & it is beyond the child's mental or physical capabilities. Perhaps the child didn't understand the assignment & needs retraining. There could be something wrong with the parental approach or techniques. Sometimes incentives, rewards or consequences need to be initiated to motivate performance.
Most of parenting is on-the-job training. We learn as we go. How we respond after the child's first efforts to do a job can be the key as to whether they will try again, procrastinate, slip by with a halfway-done job, or quit.
If you can sense that the child simply cannot handle the job, don't hesitate to change it. Dwight, age six, wanted to water the house plants, & mother decided to let him try. She carefully marked the watering days on a chart & showed him how much water to give each plant. However, Dwight consistently got carried away when dumping on the water. He needed time to mature before handling this responsibility. To compromise, Mother gave him an opportunity to be the "Official Patio Squirter." Watering down or washing off the patio with the hose once a week was enjoyable enough that he willingly turned the plant watering back to his mother.
Are you exercising too much control? If so, the child wants to be told what to do next, or to be told what he is not doing that he should be doing. In Berlin, Germany, a kindergarten teacher whose class was made up half of German & half of American students, observed that the German children took longer to develop inner controls than the American children in her somewhat loosely structured classroom. She felt this was due to the strong, strict structure in most German homes compared to the more relaxed, less authoritarian style of American families.
Does the child see disorder? How can we train children to be responsible for their own things, to notice a book dropped on the floor & put it back on the shelf? One frustrated mother set a kitchen chair right in the middle of the doorway to her daughter's bedroom. She thought to herself, "I bet my daughter & her friend, Tammy, who is spending the night, will never even think to move it." Sure enough, they played, ate dinner, got dressed for bed, popped popcorn, & listened to records, were in & out of that room all night, & never once thought to move the chair in the doorway, not even to set it aside. They climbed over or squeezed around it all night. Because seeing dirt & clutter is a skill that usually has to be learned, just like tying a shoe, it requires training, practice, & retraining.
Is the child balking? The "broken record" technique can be employed with children when they object to doing their work. Camille had put off doing the dishes all day, instead she munched on goodies, talked to her teen friends on the phone, & read a favourite book. At 4 P.M. her mother knew the kitchen clutter had to be cleaned up so dinner preparations could begin at five. She said, "Camille, do the dishes now." Camille responded with an excuse & a "Who, me!" look. Mother calmly replayed the statement, "Camille, do the dishes now." After several more repetitions, Camille decided to do the dishes rather than continually hear the request, thus stopping the broken record. Effective use of this requires a calm, unemotional command on the parent's part, with a simple, direct statement of what must be done. Once the needle has been jarred, give encouragement as the job progresses & praise when the job is completed. The broken record is not the same as nagging. Nagging involves finding fault by constant scolding & can last many hours or even days! The broken record asks for immediate action. Once the action is under way, take the record off & change the tune to praise & encouragement.
Is there a set time to work? Are the assignments made ahead of time or are they issued at the last minute? Is this child treated as a valuable employee rather than a slave? Are you expecting too much? Is there a problem with the job? Is it too hard? Is it so big or will it take so long that it overwhelms the child? No one is perfect; we cannot expect it of our children either. Are you treating your child with the same understanding you would give a neighbour's child? Remember that on the average, kids keep their rooms cleaner than parents keep the garage!
Some families divide the work, including cooking duties, into lists according to the number of family members, & rotate lists each week. This is successful when all the family members have relatively equal ability--perhaps all are over ten years of age. One mother asks each child to give one full hour to house cleaning on Saturday, besides taking care of their own bedrooms. This is enough to keep their large home clean, & no one is burdened with working all weekend.
As you judge the results of your efforts, consider that you are "improving" rather than in a final state of "improved". There is no such thing as a perfect parent--so why feel guilty if you aren't?
After you have taught your children & they are old enough to be on their own, let go. You have tried to foster independence & teach responsibility whenever possible. Now is the time to continue to love them, but let go of other parts of their lives.
Helping the Child Know the Neighbourhood & City
On a cold, rainy night in September, Heather, a young adult, left a friend's house at twelve-thirty for the twenty-minute ride home. She drove in circles, getting farther away from home for three-&-a-half hours. Twice she stopped to ask directions from police officers, only to get more confused. At 4 A.M. the telephone rang at her home with the distressed cry of "Help, I'm lost!" She received simple directions to follow familiar roads & to stop & call if she got lost again. Spending her last two dollars for gas at an all-night service station, she headed home. But the forty minutes it should have taken her expanded into another four hours. Confused again & not understanding how to use the increasing or decreasing street numbers as a guide, she drove until she ran out of gas, fell asleep in the cold car, & was awakened by a stranger. He took her in his truck to buy her a little gas, & pointed her in the right direction. She was now only a few miles from home. Luckily, her encounter with the stranger was a favorable one, but this totally frustrating & traumatic experience for this twenty-year-old could have been avoided with early training in navigation skills.
Many parents find that children have a keen desire to know the neighbourhood. Teaching time invested early might save the worry associated with a lost child! Make walking or driving around the streets where you live a learning experience by pointing out significant landmarks like churches, schools or different styles or colors of houses. Talk about the names of streets & the way the houses are numbered. It is surprising how many ten-year-olds cannot name the streets two or three blocks from their homes.
As the child gets older, any trip in the car can hold a teaching moment. "Which direction are we going?" "Notice the numbers on the street markers. Are we getting farther away or nearer to the center of town?" Give your children practice being navigators when going on a special family excursion like to the zoo. Supply them with a map & drive only where they tell you. Encourage use of words like turn north or south rather than words like turn right or left.
When moving to a new town, one family found it invaluable to tape a map of the city up on the kitchen wall for several weeks. Each time they traveled to a new place in the city they marked the map & followed the route from their house to their destination. It didn't take long for everyone to become familiar with the major streets & the general locations of shopping centers, doctors & other spots of interest.
Exposure is the key. Take advantage of the places you already go, & use the maps you already have to build your child's awareness of his or her surroundings. Taking time to teach your children while they are with you can avoid a repeat of Heather's experience of getting lost.
401 Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
Following are principles, methods & tricks for getting children to work. The tricks are designed to keep it interesting & fun; they give extrinsic motivation until the child wants to do it for himself. The principles are included because if they are ignored the tricks won't work. Organisation methods make work easier for children as well as adults. Using the right methods to teach a job helps him do it--& that's what we are after. Use this gigantic list as a resource to brainstorm actions when you are looking for ideas.
WORK MOTIVATORS--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Use paper plates for dinner & ask for volunteers to do the dishes.
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Have children play as if they are horses on a merry-go-round & pick up an item each time they go down & around.
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"Sneak up" on a job, when it looks hard by doing a little each time.
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Wind up one another, & pretend to be "work robots".
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Play like a stiff-legged animal or a mechanical doll as you clean.
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Wind up a musical box or musical animal & see how much of a room can be picked up before the music stops.
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Substitute song phrases like, "She'll be comin' round the mountain..." for "She'll (or He'll) be washing all the dishes, yes sireeee," or "She'll be setting out the silver, one, two, three."
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Plan a trip to Mars on a spaceship, gathering all the debris in the yard & bagging it for disposal in outer space.
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Have a leaf-raking party, serve "leaf chips" (potato chips) & dip for refreshment.
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Play Beat the Clock, as you do chores.
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Divide the family into work teams for companionship & conversation during work sessions.
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Try a twenty-item pick-up or five-minute pick-up with everyone helping.
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Change roles for an evening, letting the child act as the parent & the parent act as the child. Bedtime may be very different!
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Have a Green Thumb Party, to plant flowers or a garden. As refreshment serve green punch.
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Encourage children to send thank-you notes by providing them with their own note cards & stamps.
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Hand the child a dry plastic scrubber to get mud off shoes & boots.
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Make a suggestion box that contains ideas, activities, & projects for kids to do when bored.
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Sing together like army troops do when they march. It makes a chore like leaf raking, snow shoveling, or weed pulling seem easier.
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Give stars for completed jobs. Have a little booklet stapled together for children to collect the stars in & have the full booklet redeemable for a Time with Parent. (But don't make them always have to "earn" your love.)
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Give children a glove, a small paint brush, or a feather duster to make dusting possible in hard-to-reach places.
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Motivate the young child who is learning to read, by writing assignments in simple phrases like, "pick up toy," or "clean the sink."
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Use a special tablecloth chosen or designed by the child when it is the child's turn to cook.
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Make a Pick-up Puppet the child can use to pick up toys.
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Tack a sheet of paper on a wall or bulletin board for each child. Each time they put one of their toys away, they can draw a picture of that toy on their piece of paper. Use a special set of markers for this privilege.
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Draw names to be Happy Helpers to each other for a week.
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Pretend to be a traveling salesperson. Take a suitcase & pick up all items belonging to you, & take them to your "hotel room" to be put away.
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Play the game of Putting Toys to Bed at bedtime.
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Have young children wear an apron for kitchen clean-up. Use trucks for picking up & hauling away, & carry a mail bag to deliver toys to their rightful places.
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Have the child put away ten items in a room & then have the parent try to guess what was put away. They love it!
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Give your wishes in an unusual way. Sing, "It would be so nice to have the living room vacuumed before 10 a.m." Sing it to a make-believe listener, but in earshot of the dawdling youngster.
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The parent can act as a Toy Catcher, putting misplaced toys in the Toy Pound. To free the toy, the child must pay the fine by doing a special service for the parent.
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Record job assignments on a tape recorder, for after-school instructions. This is helpful when the parent can't be home, & is faster than writing them down & can come complete with praise & encouragement.
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Let children help select seeds & flowers or vegetable seedlings when you initiate their help with gardening.
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Change the words to "Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush" to "This is the way we make our bed."
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Say to the child, "I am reminding you to sweep the stairs." If you pay a wage for the jobs, then have a ten-cent charge for each time you remind your children to do a job. Record the time & date on a slip of paper & give it to the child on pay day.
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Assign someone to be the Sanitation Engineer, to collect trash around the house in a Litter Box or Litter Bag.
INCENTIVES--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Give incentives. They can be food, privileges, money, adult time, etc.
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--Adult time: Read a story, talk together, play a game, work a puzzle, make a project, or cook together.
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--Privileges: Play with a friend, roll out biscuits, have a lemonade stand, swim, ride a bike, paint, watch TV, or go roller skating.
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--Food: Red apple, cookie, banana, ice cream, peanuts, sunflower seeds, juice, dry cereal, peanut butter balls, etc.
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--Things: Small toy, game, record, money, cards, marbles, ball & jacks, crayons, colored pencils, drawing paper, tablet, book, clay, scissors, paints, top, jump rope, colouring book, gold fish, dress-up clothes, or rhythm toys.
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Proclaim the child royalty for the day on his birthday--no work!
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Create some "fun money", like dollar bills with blanks for name, job, & the amount of real money or privileges the job is worth.
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Award trophies made from paper, tin cans, paper-mach, or boxes. Announce categories ahead of time. They might include Neatest Trash Taker-Outer, Cleanest Bedroom, or Willing Go-for.
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Let children put old, heavy socks on their feet & skate around on a newly waxed floor to polish it. Be sure the floor is in good condition & smooth, so no one gets stuck with slivers.
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See that the child succeeds at something.
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Criticize the job, not the worker.
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Do not hang a mountain of work on every pending privilege.
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Put up a clothes line along a wall on which to hang school papers & art projects.
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Leave a note on your child's bed saying, "The House Angel made the bed!"
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Before discarding the child's art projects & drawings, take snapshots of them, to save a memory for the scrapbook.
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Teach the child to use a Good Deed Sheet to record things done for family members.
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Buy some blue ribbon to make special family awards.
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Try the Undressing Game to teach children to take clothes off right side out.
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Dress a "mop doll", to be hostess for a week in the cleanest bedroom.
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Talk a friend into being House Angel to inspect your children's bedrooms. In exchange you might agree to inspect the bedrooms in your friend's house in a similar manner.
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Inventory your child's likes so you'll know natural interests & possible incentives.
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Give vigor to your positive compliments.
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Make your comments or messages specific rather than general.
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Keep a tally sheet of the positive appreciation you give your child. Increase the amount tomorrow.
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Draw a smiling face on your child's hand. Say, "Whenever you look at this, know it means I love you."
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Use immediate incentives for the young child.
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Write a love note twice a week.
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"Work before fun" gives incentive to get it done. Put something less desirable before something more desirable.
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Use popcorn as an incentive.
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Structure rewards, if possible, so that everyone has a chance to win.
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"Clean up before eating" might be an incentive for washing up food-preparation mess.
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Keep a supply of balloons in reserve for rewards.
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Give out chances for good behaviour or helpfulness. Later these can be drawn from a box for a prize.
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Cut out a line of connected paper dolls & write a "warm fuzzy" (loving) statement on each doll for your child.
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Use exciting job titles: The Filing Clerk clips & organizes coupons from magazines & newspapers. The Handyperson makes simple household repairs. The Storage Clerk puts groceries away & straightens cupboards.
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Learn to use the pleasant, unexpected response to motivate.
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Give your child a bucket & ask him or her to be a Thing Finder to pick up clutter around a room.
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Encourage your child to put his laundry away promptly by putting a note under it, redeemable for a surprise. You might include an expiration time.
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Take breaks during work time. A ten-minute family Frisbee game can be rejuvenating.
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Clean up a cluttered room with a Penny-Flip Pick-Up. Flip a penny. If it lands on heads, pick up something to the right. If it lands on tails, then pick up & put away something on the left. (Or use the team approach: "Heads you pick it up, tails I pick it up.")
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Offer a television picnic, complete with a tablecloth spread on the floor, as an incentive to complete a job.
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Reward your children by handing them a sack, plastic bag, or box filled with a craft project ready to be put together.
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Challenge your children with the game "Can You Make Your Bed Faster Than I Can Make Mine"? If it doesn't work, try, "I'll help you; will you help me?"
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Pay for home jobs with play money & then hold an auction & "sell" shiner prizes.
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Hide coins throughout a room to test thoroughness of a child's cleaning.
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Be aware of local or seasonal ideas & activities that might trigger incentives.
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Use marbles or other game tokens as a progress reward system. The reward is for the parent to play the game with the child when all the game pieces have been earned. For example: Two marbles for making the bed, three marbles for sweeping the steps, & so forth.
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Keep a supply of gummed stickers to give as rewards such as school or music teachers put on a page after good effort--cute animals, nice sayings, hearts, or stars to wear on wrist or forehead.
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Have a birthday or anniversary party for your house. Encourage an extra-thorough cleaning, including minor repairs, small painting jobs, & the purchase of some household item. End the work with a special house-shaped cake & discussion of the accomplishments.
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Be the Servant for an Hour, to help a child finish up a tough chore, doing what the child requests.
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Leave a note on the table that reads, "Meet in the car at 2 p.m. & bring a note saying your chores are completed." Then take a trip to a swimming pool or ice cream parlor. Make sure the work assigned can be completed in the scheduled time.
FEEDBACK--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Catch your child doing something right, instead of watching for him or her to do something wrong.
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Memorise five new positive phrases to use this week.
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Never redo a job that has been inspected & passed.
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Keep on the lookout for humor.
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Discipline without insulting.
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Look for something commendable to praise in each child every day.
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Entitle the child assigned to wash dishes a "pearl diver."
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Show interest & listen to your child's problems, whether large or small.
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Avoid negative labels. Children become what their parents & teachers expect them to become. Positive labels do more to convey love & motivate change.
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Build a child's self-esteem by expressing encouragement in these two parts: (a) tell how good it makes you feel, & (b) how it benefits the child & the family.
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Draw a picture of a house. Make it smiley or sad with a grease pencil or attach a mouth with Scotch tape or Velcro, to use as a room or house barometer.
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Declare a special day called, You're It. This is a day to play tag by catching someone doing a helpful chore. The person caught is It & must catch someone else helping.
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Pick-It-Up-As-You-Go Club has the policy that if you use something, you put it away promptly. If not, membership is lost for a few days.
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Keep the evaluation pleasant.
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Give recognition for even meager accomplishments.
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Focus attention on effort made or lessons learned, not on merely the end result.
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Give recognition as soon as possible. Don't save up thanks.
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Ask, "How would you do this another time?"
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Let the child judge his or her own work.
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Request that the child restate instructions, to insure correct understanding.
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Make two pictures of the bedroom. The child can glue pictures of items on them so they look cluttered or neat. When the messy picture is taped on the door it means the room needs cleaning; the neat picture means the room is fine. Let the child be the judge.
JOB ASSIGNMENTS--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Let the children choose their own chores once a week.
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Don't require as much work from the child when school is in session.
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Ask each child for one hour a day toward upkeep of the home: Ten minutes in their own bedroom, fifteen minutes on a morning chore, fifteen minutes on an afternoon chore, & twenty minutes to help with dishes.
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Require two hours of work from the child on Saturday.
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Adjust chores, change requirements & include children in decision making, as they mature.
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Help the child make a priority list of things he wants to do.
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Require some work from every child every day.
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Have a regular time each day to do chores.
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Try sending a "work request" through the U.S. mail, or make up your own in-house mail system. All children delight in receiving mail.
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Write the job on a slip of paper, crack open walnuts, insert the job slip & reglue the shell together. Fun holiday activity.
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Blow up a balloon, write the job on the outside of the balloon, then let the air out. Let the children choose the balloon & blow it up to see what job they do.
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Slip rolled paper, with jobs written on them, into unfilled balloons. Blow up the balloons & let the children pop them to find jobs.
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Fill a "magic hat" with special work assignments or free time suggestions.
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Seal the chore list in an envelope & let the family draw assignments as in a card game.
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Draw assignments from a basket or other interesting container.
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Roll dice to determine who does what job.
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Have a job treasure hunt.
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Follow a string to find the reward for a job well done.
CHORE CHARTS--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Try a weekly assignment chart to show who, what & when.
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Screw cup hooks into a board, label, & hang assignments written on marker tags.
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Make a "to do" list for the young child, to cross off basic grooming & chores for the day.
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Request that the child sign a written contract in agreement for a task.
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Reinforce consistency & give immediate social rewards by using the Star Chart.
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Use the Race Car Chart for a two-week progress incentive. Make it like most game boards, with a car as a marker & a reward offered for completion. This can also be displayed on the refrigerator door using colored tape & magnets.
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Draw a bean stalk & show the child progressing up the leaves as he follows through with an agreed-upon habit change.
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Set up a vertical chore chart for assigning one morning & one evening responsibility.
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Post chore charts in the kitchen, where they can be easily seen & referred to often.
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Use a circular chart to rotate jobs, especially in small families.
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Make flags of popsicle sticks to assign jobs, & keep them in individual cups.
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Draw a floor plan of your house & put a picture of the person in the room he or she is responsible for cleaning.
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Tie morning chore assignments onto breakfast spoons.
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Run off a stack of daily assignment charts, to be filled in each night for the following day.
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Write the children's first initials on the calendar, to rotate dish washing or dog feeding.
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Write the after-dinner job on the napkin.
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Make a job-chart grid on poster board, then cover it with clear contact paper. Write in assignments with crayon that can easily be rubbed off with a soft cloth
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Pin an "I Did It" badge on the young child after morning grooming & pick-up are finished.
SELF-ESTEEM--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Respect your child's right to privacy. Each of us wants to be alone sometimes.
Teach family caring by establishing traditions. Holidays & birthdays are good markers for traditions. Regular family celebration is dear to a child.
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Watch for interests in your children that can be the basis for developing talents--things like cooking, music, art & so forth--to increase feelings of self-worth.
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Showing love & respect to your spouse helps your child to feel secure.
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Introduce your child to other people in a positive way when they stop to talk or visit.
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Tell your children often, in words & actions, that you love them. Don't assume they know.
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Recognize the child's worth & show respect. Knock before entering his/her room, & ask before using his/her possessions.
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Try to eat at least one meal a day together, as a family.
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Repeat traditions you enjoy together, to unite the family & nurture memories.
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Celebrate birthdays as a family to reinforce each child's feeling of importance.
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Make a crown out of paper, to remind your child how special he or she is to you. Let the child decorate & wear the crown.
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Avoid making continual threats or punishments. They seldom have permanent positive results.
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Correct a child privately rather than in front of friends or family, to save him/her from embarrassment.
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Create mail pockets for each family member in which to put "love notes" or assignments.
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Develop your own interests & talents. When children see your enthusiasm & growth it motivates & enriches their lives & serves as a model to try new things.
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Keep a list of "times when my kids were good helpers." Display the list where you & your children will often see it, to encourage such actions.
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Plan opportunities for children to give compassionate service to someone in need. Such activities build love & appreciation & more willingness to help at home.
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Share your talent, interest, & career with your children. Sometimes let them go with you to work, catch butterflies or fish together. Just spend time doing things with each other.
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Give positive labels.
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Decorate a Sunshine Box with a slit in the top, in which to slip notes of appreciation, praise, or encouragement. "You brought sunshine into our house by..."
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Give coupon books to your children with extra service or time together listed on the coupons. For example: "One free hour of reading with Mom or Dad" or "Two free bed-making jobs, at your request".
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Use some kind of signal, to show that emotions are strained, such as a red flag taped on the bedroom door or a hand signal.
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Remember that cooperation & mutual respect, not just getting the job done, is the goal.
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Celebrate firsts: First day at school, loss of first tooth, first snow of season & first day of summer. Celebrate Dad's or Mom's promotion or finished project; celebrate learning a new skill like riding a bicycle.
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Get out the scrapbooks when you feel discouraged. Look them over with a child & tell him or her the story of their birth & how you looked forward to their arrival, to build positive ground to start working on again.
FAMILY COUNCIL--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Listen, listen, listen.
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Allow your child to "speak his or her piece," airing complaints develops mutual understanding.
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Be thick-skinned. (Not easily offended by others' complaints)
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Take a few minutes at the beginning of family council for each person to express appreciation to the other family members.
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Do not set limits or make threats you cannot or are not willing to enforce.
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Don't let the telephone interrupt a family meeting, especially if you have teenagers in your home.
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Be more consistent by letting children understand what is expected of them & by establishing some basic routines; for example, setting breakfast & dinner times & chore times.
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Set the rule: No one can trade chores without permission from either Mother or Father.
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Leave a note to a busy teen asking for time (appointment) to discuss & get advice. The formality of the written note may help them give priority to the discussion & pay closer attention to the topic.
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Let the child pretend he is the Newspaper Deliverer, to bring in the newspaper. Adult titles are fun.
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Give family members opportunities to initiate ideas, actions, & solutions, & remember to listen with openness.
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Coordinate schedules once a week, on a calendar located centrally in the house.
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Make a set of family rules & policies. Keep them positive.
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Agree on a household standard of cleanliness that suits your aesthetic needs & the amount of time that can be devoted to it. Also define the purposes for which various rooms will be used.
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Take time for a private talk with your child, formally or informally, at least once every two months, alone.
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Treat children fairly but differently, according to interests & age.
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Put in writing the individual goals you want your child to work on for the next few months.
CONSEQUENCES--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Allow the child free time to play.
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Use the principle, "If this is not completed, we cannot move on to this."
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Carry through on consequences, but do so without anger, resentment or retaliation.
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Let natural consequences happen, to teach respect for rules, self-control & fairness, as long as there is no danger to the child.
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Give support & comfort by saying, "You can do it" or "I am with you."
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Think over & explain ahead of time the consequences of misbehavior.
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Make a consequence reasonable & enforceable.
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Unplug the radio or lamp when a child forgets to turn it off. On the second offense, unplug it for a day.
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Charge a nickel whenever a light is left on.
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Set a limit: "This must be done before you next eat." This is only postponement, not withholding.
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Require repayment of a chore, for unnecessary service rendered by parent.
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Talk about the consequence, asking the child to restate the broken rule & tell how things could have been done better.
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Don't withhold a meal as punishment.
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Examine the relationship between parent & child for possible causes of problems.
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Don't let the punishment exceed the child's tolerance for accepting it.
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Create a "time out" corner or spot for short visits when the child needs to get control. Five or ten minutes in this spot is usually long enough; an hour is definitely too long.
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Change the consequence if it is too harsh.
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Ask the child for an opinion as to what discipline should be given. This reduces feelings of resentment toward the parent. It may mean bartering for the appropriate solution but a child's own ideas seem fairer to him.
TEACH THE JOB--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Use clear, simple instructions, especially with a young child.
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Stop work while it's still fun. Don't drag it out just because you have good workers.
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Show & express your own positive attitudes about your work.
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Offer clear, firm, friendly insistence on proper performance.
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Do not assume that a child knows how to do something, even if she has watched you do it.
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Consider the individual differences in children.
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Break the job down into small, manageable parts.
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Thoroughly show & tell each part of a job.
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Stay with the child as he works until he has successfully completed a chore three different times on separate days.
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Say at least two positive things about the job every time it is completed, especially in the beginning.
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Tell the child how long she will have to work so she can see the end.
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Keep work periods short & successful.
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Give advance notice of approaching work days.
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Work before fun. Reinforce less enjoyable activity with preferred activity: "After this is done, you can do this."
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Spend part of work time teaching preventative actions such as taking shoes & boots off before tracking into the house to save on clean-up. Wash hands after eating to save from having smudges on walls & furniture.
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Give a five-minute warning before play time is over, to let children gear down & prepare for work time.
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Teach efficiency such as making one trip to the bedroom carrying four items instead of four trips carrying one item each time.
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Use the terms "right" & "left" with your child early to help him learn to follow directions.
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Teach aesthetics while working. Enjoy the pleasure of making things attractive & beautiful. Let children be a part of pretty things like fresh flowers.
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Guide a child into discovering for himself what still needs to be done by asking questions. "What needs to be done next in your bedroom?" is better than saying, "Now pick up your dirty clothes."
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Leave the responsibility with the child by asking, "Would you like me to help? What would you like me to do?"
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Allow individual interpretation of how the job is to be done by asking for the child's opinions.
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Teach practical work processes like washing dishes from left to right (or vice versa) so clean dishes end up near cupboard storage to save unnecessary work motions.
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Help the child when he asks for it.
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Be available to supervise.
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Offer encouragement & appreciation often when teaching a task.
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Pull back on your demands during a child's stressful times.
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Re-evaluate assignments often.
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Assign a color to each family member. Color-code items such as toothbrushes & cups by using colored markers. Clothing items can be coded by attaching a scrap of fabric with a small safety pin. This makes it easier for a child to sort items.
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Make the child believe this job is possible, not by telling him how easy the job is but by building his confidence in himself.
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Draw on the child's past successes as a positive model.
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Don't compare the child to siblings or friends.
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Emphasise the good & not the bad progress of the job.
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Discuss improving methods without attacking the personality, being specific about details of the task.
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Write down the job specifications for rooms & jobs. Tack them in closets or behind curtains in the appropriate rooms.
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Advise rather than command, especially after the child is twelve years old.
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Respect the free agency of each family member by letting him make his own decisions so far as his stage of development will allow.
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Keep the choices offered to a young child simple, & usually not more than two choices.
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Try to force your children & you may fail, but if you are willing to take the time to give loving guidance, your chances of succeeding are greatly multiplied.
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Speak the child's name first so she knows you are talking to her.
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Consider safety factors when making assignments.
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Speak in a soft, calm voice.
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Picture your child & yourself succeeding in your mind--you have to believe it can happen.
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Watch for spontaneous teaching moments.
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Have special lessons with names like Sew-on-Button Night (teach everyone to sew on buttons), or try Sort Dirty Clothes or Sew Patches on Blue Jeans.
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Give explanations, instead of saying, "Do this because I say so".
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Show, pleasantly & firmly, that you mean what you say.
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Once you have asked that a thing be done, follow up.
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Call everyone together for a clean-the-bathtub-or-tile lesson. Divide the tile into sections with masking tape & assign each person a different section. Don't be surprised if everyone gets wet.
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Make "magic eye glasses" from construction paper. Go on a hunt for places germs grow--inside drains, garbage disposal, bottoms of wastebaskets, & the can opener.
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Act out a lesson. Dress up as Miss Litter Bug to teach about cleanliness & order.
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Organise a "maid basket" with basic, safe cleaning supplies, to be taken into the room that is to be cleaned.
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Show how to work from visible areas of a room to out-of-sight areas, such as making the bed & picking up clothes before cleaning out the drawers.
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Pick up biggest things first, then smaller items.
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Work in a clockwise direction around the room
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Schedule pick-up time after each play period & just before eating or going to bed.
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Have the child dress, comb hair, brush teeth & put on shoes before working.
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Give models. Show & tell how to do something to make doing it easier, thus building confidence.
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Teach a skill. A skill is a gift that lasts forever, whereas other toys & games last only a short time.
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Let your children take part in learning fun skills, not just janitorial tasks. Some examples are decorating a cake, planning games for a birthday party, arranging flowers, buying treats, or filling the bird feeder.
EVALUATION--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Be sure you have taught every detail of the job, not leaving any gaps of assumed understanding.
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Try a 20-point inspection checklist to evaluate a bedroom.
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Evaluate the room based on its condition before the job was started rather than on what still must be done. Then compare it with the established standard.
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Deal only with the present circumstances & shun words like "never", "always" & "every time."
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Go through the house twice a day at 8:00 to pick up items left out & put them in an Extra Service Box. Redemption comes by doing a make-up chore or by paying a "service charge".
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Be understanding of stress & outside pressures from school work, teachers, coaches or peers.
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Repeat a request over & over (broken-record technique) in a calm unemotional manner when a situation can no longer be tolerated & must be confronted.
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Don't be intimidated by what friends or relatives think your child should do. Work with your child & make your own plan.
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Make a change if the child can't handle the job.
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Cool off when you are angry, before taking action.
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Do not compare one child with another.
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Attack the problem, not the child.
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Don't expect a child to do everything to adult standards.
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Keep a list for a week of incidences when harmony & unity were disrupted. Analyze the time of day & who was involved. Then decide on ways to make changes in the circumstances.
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Take a few minutes weekly to individually assess your effectiveness as a parent. Praise yourself for progress & make commitments for any needed changes.
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Hide a tape recorder & record some candid family conversations, then let the people involved objectively evaluate where to make improvements. Children often do not realise how much they complain, & parents often do not realise how demanding & negative they can sound.
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Analyze the time of day when successes happen & then capitalise on it.
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Don't harp on small imperfections.
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Evaluate by role playing. When jobs are poorly done, let the child play the part of the parent & the parent make excuses as the child normally does. Ask the child what he would say & do as a parent to bring about more harmony & understanding.
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Avoid "do it or else" situations.
PERSONAL ORGANISATION--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Purchase an alarm clock for each child when they start school, to develop personal responsibility for getting themselves up each morning.
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Help your child set weekly goals to curtail procrastination, increase productivity & limit forgetfulness.
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Give your children their own calendars, & help them write all the birthdays of friends & relatives at the beginning of the year.
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Locate the homework study area away from distractions of television & younger children.
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Mount an outside thermometer where it can be seen from inside the house. Encourage the child to read it, & to make his or her own decision as to whether a coat & hat are needed that day.
GENERAL ORGANISATION--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Keep bikes & wagons in their place by painting parking lines on the cement floor of the garage or patio.
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Label records & record jackets by drawing matching pictures on each of them. This way young children can keep them put away properly.
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Create a drop-off spot near your entrance way for library books, school books & briefcases.
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Hang a multipocket shoe bag on the inside of a closet door to hold small toys, stocking caps, mittens, socks or slippers.
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Sort toys into several different boxes & give your children a different box every few days, to rotate their toys & maintain their interest.
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Cut down on taking boots off & putting them back on, by providing plastic bags by the back door to be slipped over boots when a quick trip into the house is necessary.
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Large vegetable & fruit boxes & laundry baskets can serve as files or drawers on a shelf.
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Help your young child make a clock out of a paper plate, & discuss when play, chores, & bed times are to be. This helps them understand an orderly schedule.
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Post messages at a specific spot in your home, perhaps by the kitchen phone or at the back door.
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Organise a place for toys--either all together in one room or in appropriate areas for different types of play. Don't allow toys on the stairs.
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Use shelf dividers & drawer compartments made from cardboard boxes or purchased.
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Store bathtub toys in a bag made from nylon mesh. Hang it with a shower curtain clip from the faucet or towel rack.
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Stand back & evaluate where toys are used, especially after a hard play session. Sometimes, it is better to rearrange & store toys in the places where the children use them the most.
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Use sheets of cork, foam-backed outdoor carpet squares or peg board for bulletin boards.
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Provide a large trash barrel (with lid) outside in which to store outside toys like trucks, buckets, balls, etc.
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Install hooks within a child's reach for hanging coats & sweaters.
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Make a place for crayons, pencils, markers, rulers & so forth by putting empty soup cans in a six-pack soda pop carrier. Gluing a piece of cardboard to the underside & painting it with latex wall paint will make it sturdier.
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Pin socks together before tossing them into the laundry to save on sorting & lost socks.
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Use small trunks or suitcases to store things.
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Set aside a corner or cupboard for art & craft supplies, & provide a table or counter where children are free to paint, paste or cut.
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Hang model airplanes from the ceiling with fishing line & thumbtacks to help clear space on a shelf.
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Keep a supply of paper & pencils on hand at a specific location, for homework needs.
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Have a specific place to keep schoolbooks. Even a box behind the sofa is better than having them scattered everywhere.
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Hang a mug rack on the wall. Sew loops on toy bags to hook over each mug peg.
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Buy clip hooks (similar to what you hang brooms on) for closets, to hold tennis rackets, bats, etc.
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Use plastic dish pans as terrific dividers for toys & craft projects. They are easy to carry from place to place.
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Sew pieces of Velcro (fabric tape that sticks to itself) to a long strip of cloth & hang it on the wall. Sew corresponding pieces of Velcro to stuffed animals & store them by sticking them to the cloth strip.
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Purchase plastic vegetable bins that can be stacked & easily seen through for storage of magazines, clothes, or toys.
KITCHEN--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Store dinnerware where the child can reach it, to be able to set the table without help from the parent.
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"Put your own dishes in the dishwasher & scrub two pots & pans or serving dishes, & Dad or Mom will do what's left" is the Olness family dish washing agreement.
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Let one child at a time go with you to help with grocery shopping.
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Post dinner menus weekly so older children can start dinner before you get home from work.
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Buy a smaller broom to accommodate a small child.
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Send your child to Grandma's to learn to make bread or cookies from the "pro".
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Let the child play waiter or waitress & prepare the orders for simple lunch or breakfast meals.
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Make a silhouette of a single place setting on a place mat for the young child to use as an example when setting the table. The picture should include plate, glass, knife, fork, spoon & napkin.
Ways to interest & motive your child to cook:
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Make up interesting & fun games for food such as Yankee Doodle Beef instead of macaroni & hamburger.
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Teach children to make funny faces on top of dry cereal or on cottage cheese for salad with pieces of fresh or dried fruit.
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Cut sandwiches from several kinds of bread into different shapes (triangles, circles, etc.) or from cookie cutters. Use a variety of fillings; even make a three-layer sandwich.
Make an egg in a frame by tearing out or cutting a hole in a piece of bread, setting it in the fry pan, pouring egg into the hole & frying it.
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Let the child pick out a special mold for gelatin salad.
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Create brownie turtles by dropping spoonfuls of brownie batter or thick cake mix in the center of five nuts arranged in a circle, then bake.
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Decrease work time by making several sandwiches ahead of time & storing them in the freezer. This can be a family project for lunch preparations that saves time for everyone.
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Let the child work alongside the adult during meal preparations.
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Purchase a recipe box for each child in which to keep the recipes he or she likes & successfully learns to make.
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Have your child prepare one dish successfully several times before assigning an entire meal.
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Set the policy that those who cook clean up after themselves, but don't have to do the general dishes for that meal.
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Present the Jiggle-Joggle-Jell-O Award or the Magnificent Marvelous Meatloaf Award after those foods have been successfully prepared.
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Show your children how to break down dinner preparations into blocks of time, working backward from the time when dinner is to be served.
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Have a pretend restaurant, using play money & leaving a tip. Clean-up is more fun when using a tray & maybe a cart, if you have one.
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Assign a Cook for the Day with the parent serving as assistant.
BEDROOM ORGANISATION--Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home
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Help the child create a place for everything.
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Add something new to the child's room from time to time to spark interest.
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Roll children's clothing or fold it small to store it vertically in drawers like books on a shelf rather than stack it on top of each other.
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Include children in throw-out decisions after they are five or six years old.
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A messy room for several days signals a need for parental help in cleaning & organising.
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Play a two-point game by tossing each item of soiled clothing into the hamper.
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Sit on the floor in the middle of the child's bedroom for 30 minutes & brainstorm ways to cut down the quantity of items & to arrange items so that everything has a place.
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Help the child keep items in the bedroom to a manageable number by providing a place to store treasures & keepsakes & by helping get rid of unneeded extras.
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Teach the young child how to make a bed by having her crawl in, pull the blankets up & then slither out.
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Provide bedcovers & a spread that are easy for the child to make up, or plan on helping the child make the bed every day.
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Rearrange the furniture as you thoroughly clean to give a feeling of cleanness & a desire to keep it looking nice.
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Store pajamas under the bed pillow or in the pillowcase.
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Create a bag for soiled laundry from an old favourite T-shirt. Sew the bottom of a shirt & the arm holes together & slip in a coathanger from the top. Clothes go in through the neck hole.
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Cut out silhouettes of shoes from contact paper & stick them on the shelf or closet floor to show where the shoes belong.
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Purchase a drawer organizer, such as is commonly used for nails & screws, for the child who collects small things.
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Separate toys into bags or boxes, rather than have them dumped into one large toy box where everything gets mixed up.
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Place a large bucket in a closet corner to hold items such as bat & balls.
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Store toy bags on a game tree, which is like a coat tree but with hooks all the way down the pole.
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Make elastic or giant rubber bands for bags to keep them closed in case they get dropped.
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Hang toy bags on a long wooden rod (two-inch diameter) hung vertically from a plant hook in the ceiling.
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Place treasures & keepsakes where younger brothers & sisters or playmates won't get them.
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Let your child learn to manage a few things well by setting limits of papers, toys & clothes.
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Make portable bookcases or shelves from bricks & boards. Cinderblocks make larger divisions for hobbies, & tables, desks, or even room dividers. Spaces between the shelves can be made from anything--logs, stone slabs, or boxes--if they can support the weight. (Make sure it's stable enough & can't tip over.)
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Arrange furniture around the walls to create maximum floor space for play or work activities.
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Use boxes for hundreds of things & in many places to make better use of shelves & drawers. Covering them with contact paper makes them pleasing to the eye & more durable.
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Use cold-cereal boxes as organisers for magazines.
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Have a container in every bedroom to serve as a clothes hamper.
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Make drawer dividers with shoe boxes to separate socks, underwear, belts & pajamas.
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Provide, for the child who is old enough to hang up his clothes, a clothes rod that is low enough for him to reach.
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Keep currently worn clothes separated from out-of-season or out-of-size clothes.
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Fasten a towel rod on the back of a swinging closet door, for hanging bulky items like snowsuits.
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Put a wastebasket in every room. The living room might be the exception.
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Label shelves & drawers in children's rooms, storage areas, work areas & the kitchen. Helps children know where to return a borrowed item.
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Organise every chest of drawers the same way for each young family member: Top drawer, treasures; second drawer, pajamas; third drawer, socks & underclothes; & so forth. This makes putting clothes away quicker & easier.
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Make it an annual tradition to clean out the drawers & use the wrapping paper from the child's birthday gifts to line the drawers.
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Hang a broomstick from the clothes rod in the closet with two ropes to increase the rod space for short items like pants & shirts. This doubles the space available for clothing of younger children.
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Provide a space for books in the bedroom to help the child keep books in neat order. It also develops the reading habit.