SENSITIVITY!--By Peter            Peter No.32               4/85

         1. WE'RE ALL SENSITIVE IN SOME AREAS, WE ALL HAVE OUR SENSITIVE FEELINGS AT SOME TIME, BUT SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT A LOT MORE THAN OTHERS!--And if you do, it's extremely dangerous. It's explained in this quote that I read this morning: "Those who won't be counselled can't be helped." It's like those who are so sensitive that you can't say anything to them or they're just going to fall to pieces, you can't help them! You can't tell them anything!
         2. WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU START BUILDING UP A WALL AROUND YOU & NOBODY CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO FALL TO PIECES IF THEY DO! If you insulate yourself & react so defensively, nobody's going to tell you anything! So then, you start getting off the beam & start doing things wrong & you just start going your own way, & nobody tells you, & nobody helps you, because you've put yourself in a position where you've made everybody afraid to tell you anything!
         3. IF YOU ARE SO VERY SENSITIVE you can get yourself into a position where you become useless! Because that's what can eventually happen at the end of the road!
         4. YOU CAN'T TELL SENSITIVE PEOPLE ANYTHING, THEREFORE YOU CAN'T TELL THEM WHEN THEY'RE WRONG or even insinuate or even hint that maybe something's wrong, & pretty soon they don't grow or they don't change, they don't get corrected & they don't progress, so pretty soon they're left behind & they're not any good! Nobody can say anything to them because they're going to cry or they're going to get so upset that it's going to crush them, so you just don't!
         5. LET'S SAY YOU HAVE TWO PEOPLE YOU CAN GO TO TO TALK & COUNSEL WITH--ONE OF THEM TAKES EVERYTHING IN STRIDE & IS VERY EASY TO TALK WITH, & THE OTHER ONE ISN'T. So when you need to discuss or counsel an issue with one of them, who are you going to go to?--The one you can easily pour out to! But this has been a problem in your Home, that people feel they can't approach you with their suggestions & questions or changes because you're so sensitive you take everything too personally! But you can consciously get over it if you ask the Lord to help you! You can decide not to be a certain way. A lot of it has to do with your own will, your own desire, your want to change, but then you have to decide that you want to change, because if you don't, you won't! It's real simple!
         6. DAD SAYS SENSITIVITY IS PRIDE, PEOPLE ARE TOO PROUD TO TAKE IT, THEY'RE TOO PROUD TO THINK THAT THEY COULD BE WRONG, that they could make a mistake. Well, we all make mistakes & we all need correction!
         7. WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CORRECTION FROM EACH OTHER, but if you're not willing to, then it's going to do you an awful lot of harm! You'll start living in a dream world because nobody will ever tell you if something's wrong, because they know that if they do, you're going to fall to pieces!--Therefore they don't! It's a bad state for everybody because then nobody can be honest with you. Sensitivity is a real device of the Enemy!
         8. WE'VE GOT TO WANT CORRECTION, WE'VE GOT TO WANT TO CHANGE, WE'VE GOT TO WANT TO FIND OUT IF WE'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG! But if you're too sensitive, you can't get the correction & lessons that you need. You need to accept it willingly from those around you. Because it affects others too, it doesn't just affect you.
         9. YOU CREATE THE WAY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO TREAT YOU BASED ON HOW YOU ARE WITH THEM. For example, if I was new in your Home & I didn't know you & you were always very open & honest with me & cheerful & happy, then I in turn would respond that same way back to you. But if you were always very sensitive & I once or twice tried to say anything & it offended your sensitivity & you got all upset, & you either got all in the dumps or bawled me out or clammed up or whatever, then what would it create in me? It would create in me a certain defense to the way I would behave towards you. I sure wouldn't want to risk mentioning those things any more. Therefore I would start becoming something that I wasn't. Maybe I'd start having to be careful & not as free & as open, because I know it would result in you being so hurt or sensitive.
         10. TAKE THE SITUATION WITH A NAGGING WIFE who nags & murmurs at her husband so much it eventually makes the husband hate her! Well, if she stopped doing that & she started being loving & caring & sweet for a change, eventually the husband would change too! But a nagging wife can create a husband who hates her because of her nagging. It's the same with sensitivity, if you won't let people tell you things & you go to pieces when they do, & the slightest hint that something's wrong just causes you to worry yourself sick & go to pieces, you're putting yourself in a position where no one's going to tell you anything & you're creating a certain reaction in others that's not necessarily good! So it hurts both parties!
         11. SENSITIVE PEOPLE CAN ALSO TAKE EVERY LITTLE COMMENT SO PERSONALLY, they believe total fabrications which are completely untrue! They can get on a big bummer about a little Home announcement that's not even directed at them, & worry that "people don't like me" & "this means that & that means this!"--Which is all just crazy! But because you dwell on it & imagine & worry so much, to you it is true, the Enemy just lies to you about it! Pretty soon you have a tea party with the Devil over it & you're all down & discouraged & in the dumps & you think everybody's upset at you! So that's where sensitivity leads to!
         12. SOMETIMES PEOPLE THINK SENSITIVITY IS A GOOD THING. They say, "Well, we're supposed to be sensitive to the Spirit." That's a different kind of sensitivity! What this kind of sensitivity amounts to is pride, because you don't want to be corrected. "Oh, don't tell me this because it's too much for me, & if you tell me I'm going to go to pieces, so you'd better not tell me!" What you're really saying is, "Please don't correct me or ever insinuate I'm wrong because I can't take it!" And then no one corrects you & then you don't change & then you just stagnate & die on the vine! You become fruitless!
         13. EVERYBODY GETS IN THEIR LITTLE NICHE, & you know your area quite well, & everybody just sort of learns to accept the way you are & the way you do things. The danger is when everyone gets complacent & settled in, & then nobody corrects each other. For example, John used to always make the Folks' food, but now Bruce does a lot of it because John does other things. John has been around longer & therefore knows a lot more about it than Bruce. But even when Bruce does things wrong & John sees him doing it, he doesn't tell him! "Oh, I don't want to hurt his feelings." That's ridiculous! So now what happens? Bruce's been doing things wrong for months because John was too proud & sensitive to tell him, & maybe Bruce was a little too proud & sensitive to take it too!
         14. WHAT KIND OF TRAINING IS THAT & what does it result in? We have people who can do the job, but not do it right! But it's our responsibility to teach people to do it right! In your case, if you do something out of line & your co-worker thinks it's out of line, he should be able to tell you, & you should be able to take it, & the same is true vice-versa.
         15. WE AS LEADERS TELL PEOPLE THINGS ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY, ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER! Well, if we as leaders can dole it out to everybody else, then we should sure as shootin' be able to take it, too, especially from one another in honesty & openness & frankness & appreciation, because everybody needs to be corrected if they're wrong!
         16. WE DON'T CORRECT PEOPLE BECAUSE WE WANT TO HURT'M, we don't do it to be malicious. If someone makes a big mistake on a photocopying project, you don't get on their case & ask them why they did it & correct them just because you like to or because you're trying to be mean to them. You do it because you want to help, you want to train them, you want them to understand their mistakes & to do a better job. Isn't that why we correct people? And that's how we should all be, we should want to know when we're wrong or when we're doing things wrong or if we're in a hurried spirit or whatever, because it's not the right thing, & if we're that way we should be corrected.
         17. THE END RESULT OF THIS SENSITIVITY IS THAT YOU LOSE YOUR USEFULNESS BECAUSE NOBODY CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING! Don't we all want to grow? Don't we all want to be closer to the Lord? Don't we want to do things the right way? Well, if we want to, then we should be willing enough to take it & to accept it when we're not.--And not only accept it from your leadership, but be willing to listen & take suggestions from those you work with, & even those under you. I'm not saying everybody should go around rebuking all their elders, but especially at a leadership or equals level we should receive better from one another. No one should be so high & mighty that they can't take a little correction one from another!
         18. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DECIDE THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THAT WAY, that you're not going to let those things bother you, & you have to start being willing to face the fact that you do have things wrong with you, you do make mistakes! All of us do & we can't be so unwilling to have our mistakes exposed & corrected! People know your faults & your failures & your areas of weakness anyway, so it doesn't do any good to hide it & to not want to have correction in them! You've just got to face the facts & just go on the attack against them!
         19. THE FOLKS AREN'T SENSITIVE LIKE THAT AT ALL! Dad gets correction from the Lord, & Mama gets correction from Dad regularly, & she takes it! And we all get it from Mama! If we make a mistake in Dad's house you sweetly hear about it!--Not because anybody's carrying a big stick & bashes you over the head or they're just waiting for you to make a mistake so they can kick your teeth in! They correct us in love because they love us & they want to train us! They want us to do things the right way. They want to find out why we did it the wrong way so they can help us to do it the right way next time! But if we were so sensitive that every time our shepherds just looked at us we all fell to pieces, what would happen? We might all be a bunch of delinquent children, because we'd certainly be discouraging correction because of our reaction to it.
         20. SENSITIVITY IS REALLY THE DEVIL'S DEVICE! It's a trick of the Enemy to lock yourself in to being so sensitive that you can't accept that anything's wrong with you or that you need to change or that you did something wrong. It's really pride, that's what it comes down to! It's something that you really need to pray about & get over! We're all sort of sensitive, but we all need to see that we don't have to be, we don't need to be & we shouldn't be!
         21. THE MAJOR PROBLEM IS THAT IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE LIKE THAT, OTHERS SEE IT & THEY IN TURN THINK THAT THEY CAN BE SENSITIVE TOO! And then you've got this problem that nobody can say anything to anybody because everybody's so sensitive. Then before you can say anything to somebody, you've got to pad everything. Either you don't say it all, or you've got to say it in such a soft, roundabout way that it's a major big production to figure out how to say it! And then you don't know what the result's going to be, if the person's going to explode or go into the depths of despair or what! So then you've got a situation where nobody can talk to anybody, & it's just the opposite of the way it's supposed to be!
         22. IT'S LIKE THAT VERSE, "AM I NOW BECOME YOUR ENEMY BECAUSE I TELL YOU THE TRUTH?" (Gal.4:16) Shouldn't we be able to tell each other the truth? Shouldn't we be able to point out problems & mistakes to each other? Shouldn't we be able to correct each other?--Yes! We should not only be able to, we should want it, & we should try to be open enough to accept those things. And you can be! It's just depends on your attitude or frame of mind.
         23. SOME PEOPLE ARE SENSITIVE BECAUSE THEY LIKE IT! "Oh, I like having this special little attention & sympathy that's generated!" But it's a waste of time & it also hurts other people. It's sort of a vicious cycle. For example, if I'm talking to you & you make an indication that something I said hurt you, then I feel like, "What's the matter? Did I do something to hurt her? I'm sorry!" Then you say, "Oh no no no, it's nothing, I don't want to tell you." And by the time we're finished talking I feel really bad that I hurt your feelings, when I honestly don't mean to. I'm sure sometimes I have hurt you, but I didn't mean to. But then I've worried about you & I felt like I've had to check later how you're doing.--And it shouldn't be like that!
         24. IT'S A WAR, WE'RE AN ARMY! THERE'S NO TIME OR ROOM FOR THIS SORT OF THING! We have to be able to say, "Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir! Amen, Sir!" There's no place for sensitivity because it takes so much time, something we don't have much of! It's just not spiritually healthy to be that way, because you don't grow!--Because nobody tells you anything! Or if they do tell you, you're so defensive & withdrawn & padded with sensitivity that you don't even get the point!
         25. WHEN WE CORRECT PEOPLE IT'S NOT THAT WE WANT TO HURT THEM, WE SHOULD LOOK AT IT AS AN IMPROVEMENT! Thank God we can be corrected, thank God we can be told our problems! Thank God when we do something wrong that somebody is honest enough to tell us about it so that we don't do it again!
         26. A LOT OF TIMES WE TEND TO THINK, "THE FOLKS ARE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS MISTAKE & THE PERSON THAT WILL BE PASSING IT ON TO THEM DOESN'T HAVE THE FACTS EXACTLY RIGHT & I DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK I'M THIS WAY!" Well, that's not important! The Folks aren't tricked into thinking something that's not so. They don't take just one little thing somebody said & base all their judgement on that! If somebody reports something about us that's not exactly right, we shouldn't be so sensitive to it that we can't receive the lesson in it for us!
         27. I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, THE REASON SOME OF THESE RETURNING PRODIGALS HAVE BECOME GOOD UPSTANDING MEMBERS is because we've had the rules enforced! The reason they've come from being backslidden, drugged-out musicians & artists to very good hard workers, is because their shepherds transcended all their sensitivity & they just enforced the rules, loved them & didn't let those people get away with things! Maybe they're still a little sensitive, but they've toed the line & they do good!
         28. SO IT'S TIME TO START GETTING PEOPLE OVER THE HUMP & NOT JUST ACCEPTING EACH OTHER'S PROBLEMS. We can't just say, "Well, that's just the way she is." The reason people are sensitive is because we didn't do anything about it! But they don't have to be that way & we shouldn't accept it!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family