"DO UNTO OTHERS!"--By Maria               9/86
--Another Aspect of Showing Love                  Maria No.55

         1. A BIG PART OF LOVE IS BEING POLITE & COURTEOUS & CONSIDERATE. When I talked with Techi about not drawing attention to David's pimples as it would embarrass him, she said, "That's a good lesson." It was like she didn't even realise it would embarrass & hurt him, & if SHE doesn't realise that, as exceptionally considerate & compassionate as SHE is, you can imagine that MOST children probably don't think of it either.
         2. IT WAS A GOOD POINT BROUGHT OUT BY THE JAPANESE TTC STAFF about how if the adult Room Shepherds even LOOK at a certain teen & then turn to speak to each other, the teen is certain they're talking about him, even if they aren't! You can see that we all can learn continually how to consider others' feelings. We can't expect too much of our children in this area when we adults have so far to go ourselves.
         3. NEVERTHELESS, WE NEED TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN, & TRY TO BE GOOD EXAMPLES OF THE SAME, TO NOT CALL ATTENTION TO PEOPLE'S BLEMISHES OR WEAKNESSES & EMBARRASS THEM WITH OUR THOUGHTLESS COMMENTS. Techi didn't even realise that her talking to David about his pimples would make him feel bad. She didn't realise that it made him feel self-conscious & embarrassed & sort of inferior & different. It's really been a trial for him lately! So if she of all people, who tries to go out of her way not to hurt people, considers this a brand new lesson, not to call attention to things that are different in other people, then think of how ALL our children need to learn these lessons on how to consider others' feelings!
         4. WE EVEN PUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THE "LIFE WITH GRANDPA" TKS ABOUT NOT MAKING FUN OF OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE & UNDERSTANDING & SYMPATHISING WITH THE HANDICAPPED. Well, being kind to the handicapped is one thing, but you can apply that lesson to ANY peculiarities. But children, & even adults, sad to say, are not always mature enough to apply a lesson to related situations. If the TK says, "Don't stare at or make fun of handicapped people", they don't always ALSO get the point that they're not supposed to make fun of or call attention to somebody else who ISN'T handicapped. So Techi said, "That's a good lesson", like it was something new & different.
         5. I'M SURE AT THE TEEN CAMPS THEY MUST BE HAVING A LOT OF THAT, NOT ONLY UNINTENTIONALLY BUT ALSO INTENTIONALLY, TRYING TO PUT OTHERS DOWN & ELEVATE THEMSELVES. Think of the many areas where children can hurt each other with their open comments & embarrassing statements, or even making fun. I was thinking about little girls with small breasts compared to other girls there who are more mature. That could be a real embarrassment to the ones who aren't yet developed. And even the boys, some of them are real skinny & small.--Also pimples, that's another embarrassing ailment that a lot of teens have that others have been known to call attention to or make fun of.--And some of them are fat & should be on diets, true, but that means they're all the more embarrassed & feel inferior about it. Very short or very tall teens feel out of place too, & even more embarrassed & humiliated when others make fun of them or joke about their physical characteristics. Protruding teeth or irregular, yellow or even missing teeth can be very embarrassing, as well as scars & warts. Stuttering or stammering is something that children are really prone to imitate & mock.
         6. ANOTHER THING IS WHEN PEOPLE LET OFF GAS, which is a very embarrassing thing to a lot of children, & because their companions are embarrassed too, usually they just roar hilariously & make fun of the person that had the problem, but EVERYBODY has to let off gas sometimes!
         7. SOME PROBLEMS ARE PERMANENT, like poor teeth or poor eyes necessitating thick glasses, or height or birthmarks, & some are temporary hindrances like pimples, eye-twitching, stammering, etc., but all need to be treated lovingly & wisely.
         8. NORMALLY CHILDREN, & PEOPLE IN GENERAL, ARE JUST THOUGHTLESS IN THEIR HURTFUL OR EMBARRASSING REMARKS. Adults do it a lot to their children, like, "Oh, you look so funny since you lost your baby teeth." or "Oh, my!--You've got a horrible-looking pimple on your chin!" The parent or the adult can be doing it only as a matter of observation & not trying to actually hurt anyone at all, but such comments are very embarrassing & discouraging & can put a poor child in the depths of despair! How can we expect the CHILDREN to do & say what's right if the ADULTS don't even set the right example?
         9. ALSO MIMICKING OF MISPRONUNCIATIONS OF YOUNGER BROTHERS & SISTERS SHOULD BE REFRAINED FROM, even though an adult or an older child does it because he or she thinks it's cute.--Number one, it reinforces the wrong pronunciation, & number two, even the younger children get to a certain age where they know they're not pronouncing things right & can be embarrassed & feel they're being made fun of, & even grow up with a complex because of it. Likewise, if they have a lisp.
         10. ANOTHER THING IS WHEN GIRLS HAVE THEIR PERIOD & SOMEBODY POINTS OUT IN FRONT OF OTHERS, "Oh, look, you've got a stain on your dress." It'd be much better to take the little girl ASIDE & tell her privately, "Oh, there's a little stain on your dress. Come in the bathroom & I'll help you wash it off", instead of saying it in front of people. That's a little bit different story & is a time when you NEED to point it out to the child, but NOT in front of other people. Especially ADULTS sometimes NEED to point some things out to a child or teen, but they've got to be careful they don't do it in front of others so they won't draw attention to the child & embarrass him, & they've got to be prayerful in HOW they say it!
         11. SO TO CALL ATTENTION TO THESE PROBLEMS REALLY MAKES THE POOR YOUNG PEOPLE FEEL BAD. They feel inferior enough & have enough problems without people calling ATTENTION to them, so we need to teach the children & adults alike that they should NOT call attention to these things, but "Love covers with a veil of silence the mistakes (also imperfections) of others", "Love loves the unlovely". Most of us have some little physical things we maybe don't like about ourselves & surely wouldn't want anyone to ridicule & embarrass us about.
         12. IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS HOW OUR THOUGHTLESS COMMENTS CAN REALLY HURT OTHERS, but we all need constant reminders, & our children need counsel & classes & Pow-Wows on the subject.
         13. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW THE CHILDREN HAVE A PROBLEM ALONG THAT LINE IF EVEN SOME ADULTS ARE SO THOUGHTLESS. How can we expect the children to learn & to behave themselves & do what they should if the adults even have a problem of teasing or making fun of & embarrassing others? Just one little comment, just one thoughtless remark can loom very large to a child that's already embarrassed about something. Every little remark can add up & do damage, & grow way out of proportion to the significance of the remark itself. But that's how the sensitive children TAKE these remarks, as they already often feel bad & inferior, so they build it up into something really big when it wasn't even meant that way sometimes.
         14. OUR FAMILY YOUNG PEOPLE DEFINITELY DO A LOT BETTER THAN SYSTEM KIDS, & AT LEAST TRY MORE, but these things have got to be pointed out to them & taught to them as a part of LOVE. If they really want to love & if they really love each other, one of the most important ways they can show it is by kindness & consideration.
         15. SOMETIMES NOT DOING SOMETHING IS AN IMPORTANT WAY OF SHOW ING LOVE. It's not always DOING something to show your love, like loaning somebody your book or helping them find their watch or bringing them their dinner, or whatever. A lot of times it's the thing that's NOT said or not done & ignoring something purposely when it's better NOT to draw attention & comment about it that shows REAL love.
         16. WE SHOULD TEACH CHILDREN TO TREAT OTHERS AS THEY WOULD LIKE OTHERS TO TREAT THEM SHOULD THEY HAVE THAT PROBLEM OR BE IN AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION. It's IGNORING or overlooking things or NOT saying them that is almost more important for children than all the things that they CAN do. For CHILDREN, I think there are almost more things that they should NOT do in order to show love & consideration, than loving deeds that they SHOULD do. If they actually are taught kindness & consideration with the Word & discussion, they will learn so many ways to OVERLOOK people's faults & problems & how NOT to tease or embarrass others. I bet during the course of a day, the children are hurt a lot more by what they SAY to each other than anything else. Children don't expect other children to go out of their way to DO loving deeds for them so much, but the things that really HURT them are each other's CARELESS UNKIND WORDS.
         17. BROTHERS & SISTERS NOT GETTING ALONG WELL TOGETHER IS A COMMON PROBLEM, & THE MAIN WAY THEY MANIFEST THEIR DIFFERENCES IS WITH WORDS.--In belittling & criticising & knocking each other down with their WORDS. An older child can look down on the younger ones & make them feel "dumb" or not as competent as they, the older ones, are. God's Word is very clear, & our children should all strive to learn this lesson, that "If you can't love your brother or sister, your leaders, or your parents whom ye HAVE seen, how are you going to love God or His heathen children whom ye have NOT seen?" (MOP: "Love One Another") (1John 4:20,21) Many a System family has been ruined by contentions & rivalry between brothers & sisters, & our children should be made AWARE of the bad results of such problems & sibling rivalry.
         18. SO LET'S CONCENTRATE WITH OUR CHILDREN FOR AWHILE ON HOW WE CAN SHOW OUR LOVE FOR OTHERS BY WHAT WE DO NOT DO OR SAY.

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family