MAMA'S NEW YEAR'S TALK!--The Importance of Showing Love!         Maria #267       DO 2986  1/1/95

         1. Thank You Jesus! Bless our fellowship together, Jesus. Be with us and help us to feel Thy Spirit. We want to be able to feel You and Your Spirit and Your love and to hear what You have to say to us.
         2. Time is so short and we have so much to do and the world needs You so much! Help us, Lord, to draw closer to You so that we can help draw them closer to You. Bless this time and strengthen each one who may be tired or even a little embattled; help us to find Your peace and rest and comfort, in Jesus' name. Amen.
         3. Well, as you know, we asked you all to prepare a prayer for the New Year, something that you particularly wanted the Lord to do in your life. I had prayed about it and nothing else came to me that would be suitable. But our dear shepherd Gabe was talking to me about it and he brought up a potential problem with that.
         4. (Gabe: Every year each of us generally prays a prayer for yieldedness and for the Lord to change us in certain areas, and sometimes it gets into self-analyzing or introspection, and it's very easy to get on a negative channel thinking about how bad we are. It can get quite discouraging, because maybe you prayed the same prayer last year and the year before and the year before that, and you think, "Well, I'll pray it one more time and maybe this year I'll change as much as I'm hoping.")
         5. Well, your loving shepherd, Gabe, who is touched with the feelings of your infirmities, knows better about these things than I do, because I haven't been through as many of these sessions as he has. The lesson I got out of it was how very thankful I am that Gabe and I had counseled together and that he had brought up his reservations about something which I hadn't seen or realized. I was real thankful that we got a chance to talk about it and that he voiced his hesitations and that we were able to change plans.
         6. You know, an initial decision doesn't have to be hard and fast. Just because you prayed about something and you think you got an answer from the Lord is no reason to not be open to counseling with others and hearing out their ideas and rethinking it and repraying about it. Maybe you did hear from the Lord; that was the first step, and that's good. But maybe the Lord wants to take you through the whole process and show you a better or fuller answer.
         7. We mistakenly think that whatever we initially get from the Lord has to be the complete and final decision. But the Lord usually gives us a certain amount of time in the decision-making process. He usually doesn't say, "Okay, make the decision today and it's final. Make the right decision today, and if it's wrong, you missed it, you lost it, the opportunity is gone." He usually gives us a long enough period of time to make the decision, and to keep seeking Him about it, and then perhaps change it or confirm it. We may even change it again and confirm it again. That's all part of the Lord's plan and that's the way we learn things, which is what He wants us to do.
         8. I used to think, "Lord, I can't afford to be wrong! I'm Your mouthpiece and I have to speak Your Words, I have to be right about what I tell people. But I know I make a lot of mistakes and I know I'm wrong a lot of times, so what's the answer?" This was a dilemma, a great conflict for me--until the Lord finally got through to me and showed me that I have a period of time where I can be wrong. I know that sounds funny, but I do!
         9. I have this period of time when I can make an initial decision, which may be quite different from the final one, but then as I keep seeking the Lord about it and counseling with others, I finally get to the point where I'm ready to make the final decision and put it in print for the Family, and that's when I need to be right--maybe not perfect, because there are always a lot of things that aren't as well rounded as they should be, but I basically need to be on the right track.
         10. So you see, I can have that period of time, before we publish the decisions, where what I say isn't necessarily going to be completely right. But during this time my initial decisions and ideas are confined and restricted to just a small number of people, my teamwork and counselors. And that's the way the Lord plans it, that if I say something wrong or make a wrong decision, we can resolve things within the confines of the small group where it doesn't adversely affect everyone. I have a period of time when I can correct it in the multitude of counselors.
         11. The Lord has said over and over that we're a body and each member is needed! We need to bear each other's burdens, help each other, love each other, work together and break down the walls of partition. How often does the Lord show you something through someone else? I'm sure you're very aware of that and readily admit it.
         12. But for me it's a little harder to learn that lesson because I feel like I'm supposed to hear directly from the Lord and get the initial idea from the Lord. But the Lord's been impressing upon me of late--and for a long time, of course, with our teamwork and with all that the Lord's been doing--that I don't even have to have the initial idea! Some people might say, "That's being led by people or by circumstances." Well, the Lord works that way, that's all there is to it, and we'd better just get it out of our minds that He doesn't work that way.

We All Need Each Other and We're All Important to the Lord!
         13. The Lord can use whoever He chooses to show you what His will is and to give you the ideas that He has for you. He's trying to show us that we all need each other and we're all part of the same body and He's working through all of us collectively--that nobody has all the ideas or can make all the decisions. More and more the Lord is showing us that we all are needed, we all have a very vital role to play, and He's not going to give it to just me or to Peter or anyone else here, but He's giving it to all of us.
         14. The Lord is showing that He's using everyone! It's such a big job and such a monumental task that I couldn't possibly get all the ideas or make all the decisions or give all the things that come from the Lord, it's impossible! It's a huge job and we have to all work together as a team.
         15. The reason I'm telling you all of this is just to show that if I had thought I was so good and important and I got the right thing from the Lord and there wasn't any question about it--"I heard from the Lord and that's it"--then we wouldn't have come up with this much better way of doing things tonight! So that's a little lesson on the importance of humility and the importance of counseling with others.

Hindrances to Showing Love!
         16. Tell me, what things hinder us from showing love to others? (Fam: Pride. Being too busy. Worrying about what other people think of you. Fear of failure--that you'll not do it the right way or when they need it.) That's good. Anything else?
         17. (Fam: Not enough faith.) Not enough faith, okay--why? (Fam: You just feel like you don't have that much to give, it's not really going to be that important to others, so you don't have the faith that the Lord's love through you is enough.) That's right. (Fam: Having the wrong priorities or a lack of priorities.) Maybe that has to do with thinking you're too busy, right? (Fam: Sometimes thinking too much about yourself and not thinking enough about others.) Very good.
         18. (Fam: Very similar to selfishness is being insensitive to someone else's need.) Yes, that's a form of selfishness--just being oblivious to the fact that there even is a need. (Fam: Also possibly past hang-ups or the way we were raised. Without the Lord it's not natural to be loving; it's natural to be unloving.) Yes. (Fam: Just downright laziness.) That's part of selfishness too.
         19. (Fam: One great enemy to showing love can be the passage of time and familiarity. When a new babe joins a Home or a new Home member comes, we go out of our way to show them a lot of love because they don't know you love them unless you show them. But as the years pass, you take it for granted that others know you love them.) That's true, it's an insensitivity--not tuning in to people, not thinking it's important, and also not wanting to take the time.
         20. (Fam: Jealousy is another factor. If you know someone's going to be jealous, then you back off from showing love to others, because you know it's going to make the other person jealous.) Right. What else? (Fam: This probably goes along with pride, but sometimes you get in a habit and you behave a certain way with people, and it's hard to change it even though you want to.) I think that's due to pride more than anything else. You want to do something, but your pride holds you back. Any others?
         21. (Fam: If you're used to getting all the answers all the time, it could make you bossy and not as loving as you should be in your interactions with others.) Yes, like a type of self-righteousness.
         22. (Fam: If you spend quiet time with the Lord, He puts love in your heart. But when you miss your quiet time and your Word time, then you don't have that same love.) Exactly. If you don't tune in to the Lord and if you are not in touch with Him, you become hardened and self-righteous, because then you're going by your standard instead of the Lord's standard. And our standard is not really a very loving one. That's why we need to keep in such close touch with the Lord, to keep us soft and on the right track and in tune with His Word and what He says about things.
         23. We can very quickly forget what the Word says and forget the way the Lord wants us to be and get very hard and self-righteous and just go off on our own way, thinking we are right. If we are not constantly conscious of what the Lord's rightness is through abiding in the Word and prayer, we'll think we are right, and that's a counterfeit. And the Lord will allow us to be deceived by the Enemy into thinking we are doing the right thing.
         24. Because we know the Word so well, we know more or less what the standard should be and we are trying to follow it, so we are not going to get too far off and we are going to be pretty much right in what we do. But if we're not exactly on course, we're not right. If we are not in constant touch with the Lord, constantly asking Him about things, then we just start to think more and more that our own way is the right way and we must be doing pretty well; and the Lord allows us to think that, and we become very hard and self-righteous. It's a natural consequence of not tuning in to Him and not taking enough time with Him.
         25. Can you think of any other things that keep us from showing love to each other? (Fam: Could bitterness enter in?) Yes, and how would that be? (Fam: If you're bitter about something someone did to you and you haven't gotten over it, you probably won't make an effort to love that person.) Yes, because the love has to start with your repentance. You can't show them love in action until you start to love in your own heart through asking them to forgive you, and asking the Lord to forgive you, and getting rid of that barrier to love. And again, you've got to really keep in touch with the Lord for that. We've got to start first with our relationship with the Lord and base everything on that. Anybody else?
         26. (Fam: If you're critical of someone, you've got to overcome that before you can actually show them love.) Yes, it's something in your own heart and you have to ask the Lord's forgiveness. And if you've been vocal in your criticism of them, either to others or to them personally, you have to ask their forgiveness, too. That is the start of showing them love. But it has to start there, because if you're trying to do all the right things but you don't have your heart straightened out, that's not good. And that reminds me of something else.

Affection Comes from the Heart!
         27. I've written some Letters on the need for affection. I was especially burdened about it because I knew if it was a problem for me, it must be a problem for a lot of other people in the Family too. So I wrote those Letters and we published an FSM and a Christian Digest on it (see GN 552, FSM 241 and CD 10), and it was all very important and very good. I kept praying and trying to be more affectionate, but I never did get a complete victory. I never really got the spirit of it. I said, "Lord, I keep trying and I keep praying, but I just can't seem to practice what I preach."
         28. The funny thing was, a lot of times I just forgot! I just couldn't figure out what was wrong. Until finally I realized the other day that it was because I didn't really have my priorities right. Instead of my mind being focused on sharing love with others, it was too much concentrated on other things which I considered more important, my paperwork.
         29. Affection is an outgrowth, a result of love in your heart that overflows and makes you want to look for ways that you can pour it on to others. But I needed to have a real change of heart in order to be reminded of what the Lord considered most important. It's like what you said about being critical--if you are critical of someone, it's very difficult to show them love. There's a barrier there and you've got to get the main problem taken care of first.
         30. It's not just a matter of going through the motions. We can try to make it a habit, but it is really tough if it isn't in your heart. "Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh" (Luk. 6:45), and out of the fullness of the heart your actions speak also. So we'd better start letting the Lord look at our hearts and work on what the problem has been. At the same time we can keep on trying to do it just because we know we're supposed to, because that's better than nothing; but in order to do it with all our hearts and to keep up the momentum, it's got to be in our hearts and not just an exterior thing.
         31. I said to one of you the other day, "I'm sorry I haven't been very loving." And you said, "You've been loving, Mama. You've been affectionate, you hug us and you give us kisses." So I'm not saying that I haven't been loving, because I agree, I have been loving and I've loved you. My spirit has been loving, my manner has been loving. I've been concerned for you and considerate of you, but I've lacked in giving you sufficient affection and taking enough personal time with you. I've hugged you when expected in our traditionally accepted manner, but certainly nowhere near the amount of affection I should have given you, or as warmly and lovingly.

Mama's Apology and Confession!
         32. Obviously I've been loving in spirit to you, and the Lord has even said that and has held me up as an example of being a loving person--which I know is just because I've been so close to Dad and I've experienced it more and I understand it perhaps a little better than a lot of Family members. That doesn't mean I've by any means attained or that I'm that great, but at least I have a bit of a head start.
         33. But sad to say, with you folks here that I work so closely with, I've failed very badly for quite a few years because I haven't been showing you enough love in a physical way. I'm not going to get condemned about it, but I do feel bad because I've been that way for a long time. Maybe it would be good to go into the reasons I've been that way, because going into the reasons helps us to learn from them.
         34. We don't like to do too much analyzing and critiquing and introspection, but we have to do some because that is the way the Lord teaches us things. But as I've said before, then we have to get the point and go on and do what we are supposed to do and not get hung up with getting too into ourselves and too worried about what we didn't do.
         35. So this primarily concerns all of you here. It's not the Family out there that has had to live with my lack of affection for so many years, so they don't really have a problem with that. I'm so thankful that Dad was a good sample and that you followed his sample more than mine. That's one reason I didn't worry too much about it, because the influence and impact of his show of affection on a daily basis was so strong. Most of you have been very affectionate toward each other. You've shown it and expressed it and you've followed Dad's very loving sample. So even though I knew I was sadly lacking, I was very thankful that you were getting a good sample from Dad.
         36. That was also one of my excuses for not spending more personal time with you: I thought, "Well, Dad spends time with everyone and gives everyone a lot of love, so I don't have to. He's showing the good example, so I can just stay in my room and do my work for the worldwide Family and not get involved." That wasn't the best solution, but it worked rather well until now, when Dad is no longer here.
         37. My next excuse was, "Everybody here already has so much love and they feel loved and they've felt loved for years, so why do I have to stop my work? I'm too busy! My work is very important, and being with people takes too much time." I thought, "My work is so important and I have to make a choice between showing love to the people here versus the thousands out there that I need to show love to." I felt that in loving you here that way I was taking away from the time I could be loving them through the Words. I had a very good argument--only it turned out to be my argument and not the Lord's.
         38. So my first excuse was, "I don't have to, Dad is going to do it."--Laziness! Then my next excuse was, "I'm too busy! I have too many people out there to take care of, and the people here are already well taken care of. Some of our poor people out there are barely hanging on by the skin of their teeth, so how can I take time for the people here?"
         39. Another reason I had was that out of respect for Dad, his being our king and much older, and my wanting to make it very clear to him that my time and attention were his, I didn't feel that I should have the same standard of affection that Dad did. I felt that that was a fairly valid reason, whereas the other reasons that I felt were valid at the time, I have since found out that they weren't. But even that reason shouldn't have kept me from showing simple affection to all of you frequently throughout the day when I saw you--daily consistent affection apart from having sex, which is much more the point. The Lord would check me about my lack of affection, but because I kept rejecting His checks, I finally just accepted that this was the way things were going to be, and it didn't bother me too much.

My Conservative Upbringing!
         40. What are some of the other reasons we don't show love to others? I want to see which ones fit me! (Fam: One reason for not showing affection is because of your background and upbringing.) Yes, some people are just naturally affectionate because they've been brought up that way. But the key to doing what the Lord wants you to do is yielding.
         41. I was brought up in a very conservative, evangelically Christian way--no dancing, no physical contact. My parents would hug us if they were saying good night or we were leaving to go somewhere, but there was no real affection other than that. What would you call that as an NWO in my home as I grew up with my parents, who were very conservative? (Fam: Pride. Being bound. Shyness. Not being open and honest. Inhibition. Afraid of wild fire. Fear of man.)
         42. Why is it pride? Take my parents, for example--and maybe some of you were in the same kind of situation, because it's fairly common, especially in Christian families. Of course, they don't look on it as pride at all!--They look on it as fulfilling God's laws, a righteousness that they are trying to fulfill. (Fam: Maybe they feel they're better than others because they can keep their body in subjection.) (Fam: Dad said showing love and affection is very humbling.) Yes, and why is it humbling? (Fam: Because you have to expose yourself, your inner feelings, your weaknesses, and even your physical body.)
         43. (Fam: There are probably other hang-ups that enter in too. For example, if you're being affectionate with members of the opposite sex in your Home, you might wonder what your mate or children or other people will think.) Yes, right. (Fam: Maybe there's also a lack of real yieldedness to the Lord. If you're not yielded, the love of Christ won't shine through you.) Yes, that's true. However, we can overcome all these other problems with yielding to what we know is the Lord's will. If we know He wants us to love each other and we just yield to His will, He'll help us to do it, regardless of what our personal hang-ups may be or family influences have been.

Shepherding Tip: Be Open and Understanding!
         44. This is a good point to remember as leaders and shepherds, that things aren't quite so simple as they may seem. When we are shepherding or counseling someone, we need to realize that more often than not there are quite a few factors coming into play; it's not usually just one. There is probably a predominant one, a major one, but when people give you their so-called "excuses," they may not really be excuses; they may be very good reasons they had for doing what they did.
         45. People do things for various reasons, and they're not all out of the wrong motives and they're not all bad. So when counseling people, you have to be open and realize that there are often more factors involved than the one you are zeroing in on. Maybe you're just zeroing in on the pride, but there may be other things that enter in, and you have to take them into account.

It's Time to Change!
         46. So some of that pride definitely stems from my background, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't have overcome it a long time ago. Just the same, we have to be conscious that sometimes things are very long-standing with people. I should have overcome it, but I wasn't yielded and I didn't work hard enough on it because I wasn't forced to. I had an excuse: Dad was doing it, so I didn't have to. I had a good reason, so I just didn't work on it, and therefore I didn't overcome it.
         47. But with Dad gone, I thought to myself, "Well, what are you going to do about it now? You know the Lord wants you to be more like Him, so what are you going to do? Don't you think you had better start trying to be a little more like Dad, too? Are you going to do it or aren't you? The days of your excuses God winked at, but those days are over. Now He expects you to change."
         48. I didn't come to that conclusion until just a little while ago, but these are all the things that I'm sure were in the equation, and probably one of the reasons why Dad wanted to go, and one of the things that he thought he could accomplish in leaving. Since I am playing a major role in the leadership of the Family, obviously he knew that I needed to have some fine-tuning and some readjustment, some "retooling."
         49. The Lord knew that it was important for me to get straightened out and to have my attitudes corrected and changed and to get on the right track. With Dad gone I have to face reality and face the fact that things have changed, and I can't be selfish and go my own way any more. I can't do my own thing and be irresponsible, and I've got to take care of my problems. Maybe you don't even see them, and maybe even I don't see them all, but they're still very major to the Lord because anything that I have wrong in my heart or in my attitude, even the least little bit, will eventually show up down the line somewhere in quite a big way.
         50. If I don't get my little wrong attitudes corrected--wrong ways of doing things, selfishnesses, pride, whatever--I am jeopardizing not only myself and my relationship with the Lord, but I am jeopardizing the whole Family. It's very serious, and that's why the Lord decided He is going to have to work on me. And that's probably one of the reasons why Dad thought it was better to leave, so I would get serious with the Lord.--And Dad and He have now been helping me do it! So thank the Lord! I've got to say that the Lord has given me some good victories. Just sitting here being so honest is a victory in itself!

Antidotes for Pride!
         51. Oh, that reminds me of something else! What is the best antidote for pride? (Fam: Humility.) And how is it manifested? Honesty is one manifestation of it, right?--Being willing to be exposed, to be vulnerable, and it's a very good exercise in humility. It's very uncomfortable, too! Ha!
         52. So we're talking about what things help us to be humble and to overcome our pride. Honesty. Confession. To admit you're wrong. To admit that you have a need. Confessing your faults one to another is admitting that you have a need for the Lord, at least, for His forgiveness, and also for others' forgiveness. And if you are proud and used to feeling superior, it is very difficult and very uncomfortable to put yourself on the same level with others.
         53. I never consciously thought this about myself, I really didn't. I never thought, "Well, I'm better than other people." I never put it into words and I never consciously thought that at all; but obviously the Lord has shown me that I have a lot of pride, and that's really what my attitude was, that I felt better than others. I hate to admit this because it's self-righteousness, and when you wake up to that fact it's quite devastating, especially when you didn't even realize that you had such a problem! It was subconscious, but it was there, and it obviously was one of the things that kept me from showing more affection to people. Of all the reasons we've given about why it is hard to show affection, that is a major reason, and there were these other ones, too, like being too busy.
         54. I really thought I was right in the one about being too busy! I thought I knew what the Lord wanted and I was supposed to just keep my mind on the work for the worldwide Family and not deviate from that. But the Lord had to stop me and show me that I wasn't right about it. It was a rather rude awakening that I could be so certain of something that I would preach it to everybody, and then realize that I was completely off on that and the Lord wanted me to stop and learn to put some of my preaching about affection into practice!--To get out of my laboratory and see what the whole purpose of all this is, anyway!--To stop and talk more to a real flesh-and-blood person and just see what people are going through and what they are like. (See "Lessons of Love," ML #2975, Lifelines 22.)
         55. The Lord wanted me to stop and see what the whole purpose of all of this is! What are we doing all of this for? Why am I writing all of these Letters? I am writing them to show that the individual is important. I need to love everybody, but it's not everybody I start with, it's you I start with, one person. It's heart by heart. Change the world one heart at a time.
         56. What is "loving everybody?" Let's get it down to where we can understand it. How do you put loving everybody into practice? What is that? You have to start with a person. And you have to get in touch and in contact and communication with that person.

My Public Commitment!
         57. This is my confession. This is my public commitment. So if I want to go back on any of these things, I can't! Pride was the biggest problem, but I think the Lord has helped me now and given me a big change. I even feel it. For a person that doesn't feel too much, I even feel this. On top of knowing it by faith, I feel a change, and I think the Lord has helped me in a lot of ways. He's working on my self-righteousness and my pride and has been helping me to be more open, more affectionate, and a lot of other things.
         58. I could go on and on with a lot of other things I was going to tell you about, but it's getting late. At least I got my confession out and I've been honest. I could be more honest, but we just don't have time, ha! See, that's why I am making a public commitment, so you can help safeguard me.
         59. I appreciate all your prayers. Please do continue to pray for me, because I really need to hear from the Lord clearly--it's imperative that I do. I need to get all the pollutants out and get straightened out so I can start off with a clean slate and with the right attitudes and motivations. Thank You Lord!

With Humility Comes a Change of Attitude Toward People!
         60. Another big change is that I've been counseling a lot more with Gabe about personal matters, situations in the Home, and so forth. He's been a wonderful counselor. It's just amazing that along with humility comes a complete change in your attitudes toward people. I appreciate Gabe much much more. I appreciate you all much more.
         61. I guess it came with yielding to the Lord, with Dad working on me and knowing that I needed to make some changes in my attitudes. So it's amazing what miracles the Lord can do when you yield and when He can get through to your heart and get you realizing that you're really proud and you don't want to be like that any more; and when you desperately ask the Lord to help, He does. So praise the Lord! Okay, you're dismissed! God bless you. I love you! Thanks for loving me!


Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family