SINGLE MOMS--LOVE IS THE ANSWER!         Maria #239       DO 2953  8/94
By Maria

(Here is another question which T. [see ML #2951] included in her letter to Mama, on the subject of single moms:)

         1. Another question I have is concerning single moms. I have noticed how many single mothers (and in a few instances fathers) we have, whose mates are TSers (or out of the Family). Many of these mothers have all their children in the DO Family with them, up to 10 or 12 children. I know it must be very hard on these mothers to take care of their teens as well as their toddlers. Without a mate to help them to discipline and keep the children in line, I know it is difficult. (Mama: God bless the ones who've stuck!)
         2. I used to help a single mom who had five children, and I am sorry to say she had no control over her children. Many children that I have seen who were of single moms were just not well behaved. I realize that in some situations the mothers get help in their Family teams, but it seems there are many Homes with quite a few single moms. What I am trying to say is that it seems to me that if couples continue to split up and one mate becomes a TSer, we are going to have a bunch of children without proper care and thus a lot of problems to deal with when they get older. I wonder if there is any solution to this? (Mama: Love!--God's love which constraineth us!)
         3. Thank you so much, dear Mama, for spending your precious time to read these questions. I'm sorry if they are a bit on the negative side. I know the Lord has the solutions, even if it is difficult to see them right now. (Mama: Right!--Love for our brothers and sisters, love for the lost, and love for our children!)

(Mama's reply:)
         4. Thank you, T., for expressing concern for our single moms and their children. When it comes to our children, whether they have one parent or two, if they have a need, it's the job of all of us to be burdened and desperate about that need. These are our children, and we need to pray fervently for God's supernatural love that will help us to love them as we do our own natural children. We need to pray for them as we pray for our own, and be as desperate for solutions to their problems as we are for our own.
         5. How much do we truly live the One Wife principle? How much do we truly live up to our name, the Family of Love? How much do we individually pray that the Lord will give us a burden for our children who need extra help, extra mothering, extra fathering? Open your eyes and look upon the fields, for they are white already to harvest. In fact, it's getting late and some of the harvesters haven't even arrived, and some of the grain is rotting in the field.
         6. It is past time to commit ourselves to our dear Family, our dear single mothers and single fathers, and all of our dear children who need our help, our time, our attention, our love, our affection. Who will answer the call? God's jobs are open for anyone who is willing to commit himself. Age doesn't matter. All it takes is a willing and cheerful heart, a faith that won't let go, a love that knows no boundaries. It takes folks who are totally committed to the needs of our children. It doesn't matter what their capabilities are, all they need is love and a desire to be a blessing.
         7. It also takes single moms and dads who are willing not only to share the responsibility for our children, but also the authority over them, allowing others to exercise their faith with our children, seeing that they can help them in ways that their natural parent cannot. It takes single parents who are not going to selfishly hold out for an "ideal husband" or a "perfect mate," but who will humbly accept the mate that God brings across their path, or gladly and unselfishly teamwork with another single or couple in such an important job as the care of their children. It takes single parents not insisting upon their own desires, but being willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the children, trusting that others can help fill that role of parenthood.
         8. It takes the conviction to know that these are God's wonderful children that He has given as a gift and a blessing, and not a burden nor a curse. It requires a cheerful, thankful heart, secure in the knowledge that these are God's children and that He loves them more than you do, and that He is more than willing to provide what they need.
         9. But the Lord is waiting for some of you single mothers to say, "Not my will but Thine be done. Not my choice, but Thy choice, dear Lord. Not my plan for a mate, but Your choice for a father. I won't even demand a mate, Lord, I just need a father for my children. Even if he's not in love with me and even if I'm not in love with him, even if he doesn't suit me, if he can help the children, that's what I want. I'm desperate, Lord, I'm willing to do anything. I'm willing to humble myself and ask You and others to help me. I don't care if he is Black or White or Red, I don't care whether he has pimples and has hair that stands straight up. I don't care if he's four feet tall and stutters when he talks--just so he'll love the children, and teach them to follow You. You promised to supply all of our needs, and this is a desperate need. My children need a father, and I am willing to take whoever You provide."
         10. And some of you may need to add: "Deliver me from my selfishness, and make me willing to share the responsibility and authority for my children and not hold on to them possessively, but to give others the authority that they need to help train and discipline my children. Help me to do whatever it takes to allow You to provide the help that my children need. Help me to be humble, unselfish, willing to sacrifice, willing to let others take authority, not insisting on my own way. Give me faith in Your promises and love for the one who You bring to help me. Give me freedom from bitterness and murmuring about the wonderful children You have given me. Give me forgiveness for blaming our problems on You.
         11. "Forgive me, Lord, for comparing my situation with others and murmuring about how much harder I have it, and how You must love them more than me because You haven't given me a mate and father. Help me to see that it is not Your fault, but mine. Forgive me for not learning the lessons You've been trying to teach me through this experience. Forgive me for not being more thankful to You for the wonderful blessings I have--for this wonderful Family and each of my precious dear little ones who You have honored me with, as Your special gifts of love to me.
         12. "You've promised to supply all our needs. You've promised to care for Your Own. You've promised that if we will ask we will receive, if we ask according to Your will. Forgive me for asking amiss. Forgive me for not loving my children enough to be willing to be desperate with You, to be willing to accept what You offer and what You know I need. Forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for my selfishness. Forgive me for my lack of faith. Forgive me for my murmuring against You. Forgive me for my putting barriers and obstacles in Your way so that You haven't been able to supply what my children need.
         13. "You've done it for others, Lord, and I want to believe that now that my heart is right with You, You can do it for me, too, no matter how difficult my situation seems to be. You're the God of the impossible, and nothing is too hard for You, and all things are possible if I believe. I love You, Jesus, and I know that You know what is best for the children and for me.--And that all things will work together for good because I love You and love my children, and want them to have the help they need.
         14. "Forgive me for my lack of faith in not having them pray for a daddy, too, because I know You won't deny the requests of Your wonderful little children who have so much faith and expect it of You. Thank You, Lord, for Your promises. Thank You for these lessons that You are teaching us. And help us to be patient and have faith that the answer will come in Your time and in Your way, according to Your will. Not our will but Thine be done."
         15. Every one of us in the Family should search our hearts and desperately pray about what our role should be in taking care of our children--each child--especially the ones who need extra help, especially those with only one parent available. It's a hard enough job for both mother and father, but how would you like to do it by yourself? God help us all not to keep failing our children through our selfishness! And God help us to all get desperate before the Lord for our single moms and dads and ask Him to supply the help needed for our little ones--and His little ones! And in the meantime, while the Lord is working out His plan to bring that father or mother along, God help us to do all we can to provide the love, support, comfort, time and attention and discipline and nurturing that our little ones need.
         16. So, dear Family, don't blame it all on the single mom--that she is too proud, too selfish, etc. Maybe you're the one the Lord is waiting on. Maybe He is trying to make changes in your heart so that you will have the love and unselfishness to take on the job. The Lord has given the answer so simply: It is more love and faith, and less selfishness and willfulness. As Dad has said, "Love, humility and prayer solve all problems." Our children need our love. Are we willing to love them? Let's do it today! Don't delay! Tomorrow may be too late!
         Love, Mama


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