WHEN TEENS LEAVE THE FAMILY!
Maria #230
DO 2942
9/92
Don't Give Up On'm!--While There's Life, There's Hope!
By Maria
1. When any of our teens seriously want to leave the Family, even though we can't change the situation, I think we should look at it differently than we have previously. Instead of looking at it as the end of the world and a terrible tragedy, and the most awful thing that could ever happen to them, perhaps we should try to look at it as something that the Lord has allowed, and certainly something that He will use in their lives, to get through to them and teach them the lessons they need to learn.
2. Because of our emotional involvement, we may have a hard time relating to the fact that in most churches and denominations, very few missionaries' children remain forever with their parents on the mission field. At some time or another, most of them go back to their home country, and they often choose to pursue different careers entirely. In fact, in the System there are very few children of missionaries who become missionaries themselves. We can be thankful that so many of ours have chosen to go all the way with the Lord, God bless them! But when we need to ask grandparents to take in a grandchild who doesn't want to stay in the Family, most of them will understand and realize that, of course, not all children of missionaries desire to become missionaries themselves.
3. We can simply explain to them, "Junior has now reached the age where he is old enough to make his own decision about what kind of career he wants to pursue. And rather than serve the Lord and dedicate his life to being a missionary like us, his parents, he has decided to go his own way and try something else. So he now wants to get a college education"--or whatever it is he wants to do. "Growing up in the Family has been a tremendous plus for him, but it's a sacrificial life and what we believe is a 'high calling of God,' something that each individual has to choose for themselves. So now dear Junior here wants to do something else, to explore some different options, and we don't want to hold him back from making his own choices.
4. "Of course, we're disappointed and sorry that he doesn't want to serve the Lord with us as a missionary, but he wants to see for himself what the world has to offer, to get a taste of what's out there and more or less 'journey to a far country' to investigate other possibilities." I think if we present it sort of as a natural course of events, something that many young people go through, particularly in the System, most of our parents and relatives would probably understand this.
System Teens Always Leave Home!
5. The fact of the matter is that a lot of teens in Western countries make the decision at age 17 or 18 to leave home. Most teens stay home with their parents at least until they're through high school at the age of 17 or 18, but after that, the majority of them want to leave home and try their wings. At that age System kids also have to decide what career they want to pursue, by either getting a job or going to college to study in a particular field.
6. Most kids in the System don't stay permanently with their parents and follow the same life's work their parents did. Of course, the great difference between us and the System is that we offer our kids something that's really worth sticking with.--Which is why so many of our teens and young people choose to remain in the Family, not just to keep from "rocking the boat" or to please their parents, but to please the Lord! In fact, most of our young people are not content to just maintain the status quo in the Family, but are earnestly giving their all to make it a better place, as well as to promote our message and wonderful way of life to others.
Admitting Our Teens Face a Choice!
7. In the past, I believe we have in some ways resisted even admitting to ourselves that a choice exists that each of our teens has to make for themselves. We haven't even wanted to face the fact that some of them might want to do something other than serve the Lord in the Family and be missionaries.
8. We've done our best to try to hang on to them, even to the point of trying to persuade some of them to stay with us long after it was obvious that their heart was not in the Family and that everyone would be better off if they were elsewhere. It's just such a heartbreak to see them leave the Lord's service, knowing what they are giving up and what they are going to have to go through, I think we've felt that if we didn't even mention that there was any alternative to the Family, maybe they wouldn't even think of it. At least we hoped they wouldn't.
9. But now we've been more or less forced by circumstances and by the decisions of teens who have left to bring the choices more out in the open. For years we've tried to show our Family teens that they've personally got to choose to commit themselves to the Lord, and we've challenged them to, "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve! If God be God, serve Him; if Baal be god, serve him!" (Josh.24:15; 1Kg.18:21). But I think that now we've got to make it clearer than ever to them that if they're not really intent on serving Jesus and living for Him, then there are alternatives to being in the Family, and we'll do what we can to place them somewhere in the System if that's what's really in their hearts.
10. Of course, there are a lot of pluses for our kids staying in the Family and serving God with us. Also, most of them are better grounded in the Word now than they used to be, they're better trained, and many of them are already working in ministries that they really love and enjoy. They're also more able to get out in the world and mingle with people, helping and healing those in need. In doing this, when faced with the desperate needs of their peers in the world, as well as the spiritual darkness, evil and utter selfishness of the System, they are also able to see by contrast what a wonderful life they have and how blessed they really are in the Family.
11. But on the other hand, there is a pretty strong pull toward the System as more teen backsliders are out there taunting and tempting our teens to follow them. Their idea seems to be that it's better to "enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season, than suffer affliction with the people of God."--Just the opposite of what the Bible says! (Heb.11:25).
12. So the choice is very clear-cut and it's becoming more and more a definite decision that each of our kids is faced with like never before. Previously, some of our kids haven't so much chosen to stay, but they were just here and they stayed because this was home, this was all they knew. Some hadn't yet really made a definite decision and commitment that the Family was "it" for them, the greatest vocation they could possibly choose.
13. For some of those uncommitted teens, the only definite decision they made about their life was when they decided to leave the Family. But now it looks like the Lord is laying before all of our teens the definite choice between whether they really want to make a total, 100% commitment to serve Him and a definite decision to stay in the Family, or whether they want to make a definite decision to leave because they no longer want to follow the Lord or His call in their life.
God's Challenge to Commitment!
14. More of our teens are now reaching the age where they can leave if they so choose, or they can decide to really stick with serving the Lord with us. They have had a lot of Word and training, so they should be able to make the decision very responsibly. They know what the Family is all about and what is involved in serving the Lord, and a lot of them also have a pretty good idea of what the System is all about and what is involved in being in the System, and they are being required to make a decision.
15. You can see why the Lord is now bringing them to this crossroads. After all, all of us had to make a very similar definite decision to leave the System and join the Family! So this is nothing new. God has always challenged His people to "choose ye this day whom ye will serve!" Like Dad has always said, the Lord has no grandchildren; each generation has to decide for themselves to either serve God or to serve Mammon, self and the System. (Mat.6:24).
16. At some point in his or her life for the Lord, everyone has to make this choice. In a sense, most of our children never even had to really make a decision to receive the Lord. It was just part of their life; that's the way things were and that's what happened, and they did it as a matter of course. It was something that they were asked and expected to do as small children in the Family. There wasn't a lot of decision-making going on there; they didn't have a huge battle in saying yes to the Lord for salvation, like many of our adults had when they were presented with salvation before they joined the Family.
17. So it seems that the Lord is requiring our older teens to make their big decision for Him now, at least those who have not already committed themselves to Him. Even though most of them have never fully experienced life in the System, they're realizing that if that's what they want, they can have it. But if they want to serve God with us, then they're having to forsake any desires or ideas of trying it out, of living for themselves, of having the independence that the world offers, etc.
18. But even more than a forsaking-all like most of us went through, they are being required to embrace all--embrace the Family and the Lord's ways wholeheartedly with no reservations, to deny themselves and take up the cross and come and follow Jesus wholeheartedly, putting their hands to the plow of His service with no turning back. They're all faced with a decision to join the Family wholeheartedly, unreservedly and with total commitment. Because until they make that wholehearted, unreserved decision to commit themselves for the rest of their lives, as a personal decision that is totally their own, between themselves and the Lord, they'll never have the strength or inspiration that the Lord wants to give them.
19. Our power to live our lives for the Lord comes from presenting our bodies "a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God," and from our minds being transformed, so that we can "prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Rom.12:1,2). It comes from setting our face like a flint and not looking either to the left or the right, and from keeping our minds stayed on Him (Isa.50:7, 26:3). It's when we give our all to Jesus, taking up our cross and dying daily for Him, that His life and power are manifested in and through us. "I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me! Not by [your] might, nor by [your] power, but by My Spirit, saith the Lord!" (Gal.2:20; Zech.4:6).
20. For our kids it's a decision similar to the one young people in the world make when they decide what career they're going to go into for the rest of their lives, except for our kids it's a much more thrilling career and a much more important decision.
21. Of course, we hope and pray that they will commit their lives to serving Jesus with us in the Family. We know that the Lord will greatly reward those who have given their all to Him in this great Endtime work, and that they will one day receive a glorious "prize" and eternal glory for sticking to the high calling of God in Christ Jesus and keeping their hand on the plow He called them to. God is proud of His children who are willing to forsake all for Him, who set their hearts and affections on things above, declaring plainly that they are strangers and pilgrims in this world, seeking a better country, that is, an Heavenly. He is not ashamed to be called their God, and will honor and reward them before all Heaven, praise the Lord!
How to Take Our Teens Leaving!
22. (A few days later:) If some of our teens choose to leave the Family and go to live with their System grandparents, how will we react? I still think we should continue to do all we can to show our teens what the System's really like, I'm not saying we should change our stand on that. But after we've taught them about the System and shown them what it's like, if they still want to go, then I don't think we should act like it's the absolute end of the world or try to force them to stay.
23. I think we ought to handle people who want to leave a little more like Dad has always taught, and try to help them on their way, and not make them feel so condemned. The Lord will work in their lives, and He will give them chastisement or judgment if that's what they need. We just need to trust Him more, that He knows what they need most, and He will take care of them.
24. After knowing everything we have taught and having had our warnings, if they still decide they want to go, then we should say, "Okay, praise the Lord! You go out there and do the best you can, and we'll pray for you and we'll help you as much as we can. We'll do what we can to help you get off, and we'll try to make some arrangements for you. And we want you to know that we still love you, no matter what. We hope you'll be successful." One thing I'm sure of, they will be a much better testimony to the good fruits of the Family if they do well than if they do not.
25. When we know that they've been sufficiently warned and they know what they're doing, if they still want to go, then we should just send them off with our love and prayers and wishes for their well-being and safekeeping. The Lord can get through to them regardless, whatever their position in life may be after they leave us--whether they get into outright evil and corruption as some of our backslidden teens have, or whether they go to school and are "good" boys and girls and start going to church or whatever, as others have. Whatever they wind up doing, we know that "nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them that are His" (2Tim.2:19). Wherever they may go, He's right there with them, and will keep His hand upon them one way or another.
Keeping the "Big Picture" Regarding Our Backslidden Teens
26. They're His, and they've been His many years, so you can be assured that He is going to continue to keep His hand upon them. Really, when you look at it from the Lord's point of view, this present time is just a small moment in the eternal scheme of things, and it doesn't warrant us getting so frantic over it. The Lord looks at the whole picture, and the present is only a small part of His picture and what He is doing in their life out there in the System--whether they're into stripping and the underworld, or whether they're making a name for themselves in the business or academic world. Whatever they're doing will somehow work together for good in His plan for that person.
27. Just look what's ahead of us! Look at the thousand years of the Millennium and the forever of eternity that are ahead of us! So what happens for a few short years now is not such a major thing that we should collapse and be traumatized over it. When you look at things with a more long-term perspective, you realize this time is going to be over pretty soon!
28. I think we will just have to try to encourage ourselves by looking at things more positively when someone chooses to leave. Then we're not going to be so frantic and worried about them--especially about kids who are leaving their parents. I realize that it's a very heartbreaking situation, but maybe we can look at it like, "Well, it's not so bad as it seems, because the Lord still has His hand on them."
29. They are His, and even if they believe not, He remaineth faithful, for He cannot deny Himself or His Own! (2Tim.2:13). And I believe that the Lord is eventually going to bring a lot of them back, and they're going to be part of His plan in the future.
Parents of Backsliders, Take It Easier!
30. Some of them are already returning after finding that the System has not satisfied and is not what they want. As Dad has frequently said, experience is a very effective teacher, and like the Prodigal Son, many of them have now learned through bitter experience that "riotous living" in the "far country" of the System ultimately results in them landing in a swinepit of some kind, which has made them finally appreciate how good they had it back in the Father's house.
31. The Lord is having His way, even with our backslidden children, so why don't we just decide to take it a little easier? The worst thing, of course, is if they go out there and they turn on us and become enemies. That is so sad, and of course we'd certainly rather not have that; but we can't help it if it does happen in some cases. We just have to pray and trust that whatever happens, the Lord is allowing it to happen.
32. We need to get up and keep going for the Lord and just realize that the Lord is going to work out His plan. Just because some of our kids made the wrong decision when they turned 17 or 18, all is not lost, it's not going to be the end of them. The Lord still has some part in His plan for them, and eventually they're going to be used, one way or another.
33. Somehow, in some way, He is going to use them in the future. Just as Dad has said, if they're saved--which they are--we're all going to get together in the end, and we're all going to be used in some way. So I don't think we should be quite so panic-stricken or bereaved about their departure.
34. We need to show our kids the Lord's unfailing love.--No matter what they do or what they decide or how far they go astray, we'll never stop loving them. Just like the Lord, Who says, "I am married to the backslider" and, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee" (Jer.3:14; Heb.13:5). What makes us think that we can show a different attitude than that to our children? How can we withhold our love and prayers--even from the defiant and the rebellious--when now is the time when they most need to know that we love them?
While There's Life, There's Hope!
35. I think changing our viewpoint will help us all not to mourn and grieve as though there were no hope, because there is hope! As Dad has always said, "While there's life, there's hope!" So don't give up hope! These kids are saved and they're marked by the Lord as His special children!--Very privileged, special, a very few who, out of all the children who were ever born in the whole world, have lived in this Family. So I'm sure the Lord is going to take care of them and prepare a place where they can serve Him, and maybe even eventually bring them back to work with us.
36. So let's learn to trust the Lord more for our prodigal progeny. After all, He spoke to Dad a long time ago about our children, promising that He would care for His Own. So can't we trust that He will work everything together for our good and theirs in the end? I know He will, for He that has begun a good work in us, and in our children, will perform it for His glory!
37. So let's keep our eyes ever toward the Lord in regards to our young people who have gone astray, and of course, let's continue to pray for them, and encourage and do everything we can to help our kids in the Family to make it for the Lord, shticking with us to reach this needy world for Jesus. But if and when one of them is determined to leave and voices this desire over and over, let's "commit the keeping of their soul to the Lord in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator" (1Pet.4:19), knowing that He has them in His hand, and that He will continue to work in their lives, for He is with them, even unto the end of the world (Mat. 28:20). Amen? Praise the Lord!
Making It Easier for Teens to Rejoin the Family
38. P.S. For some time I've felt that we need to make it easier for our backslidden teens to return to the DO Family if they're repentant and have learned their lessons. When we have teens who have been having problems, and they choose to go to the System to sort of try it out, to see what it's like, I don't think we should necessarily immediately label them as out-and-out backsliders. Once they get out in the System, if after a few weeks they begin to wake up to what it's really like, they could very well yearn to return to the Family. But if they feel that they are going to be forever stigmatized as a "backslider" or a "traitor," this fear of being condemned and held in contempt by others could be the very thing that the Enemy uses to prevent them from returning to the Father's house.
39. As Dad has often said, the hardest words for anyone to say are "I was wrong," and for anybody who has backslid to come back to the Family, this is exactly what they are saying by their actions, "I was wrong, the Family was right." This can be hard enough on their pride, without our rubbing it in by treating them with disdain or contempt. In such cases, we need to be more like the father of the prodigal son, and not like the resentful older brother. If they're truly repentant, we should welcome them back with open arms, rejoicing that they've returned.
40. I feel that any of our teens who leave the Family should not be considered backsliders until they've been gone for six weeks. If, at any time during that six-week period, they decide that they have made a mistake and have had enough of the System and don't want to be there after all, they can return to the Family Home from which they left, knowing that they will be welcomed back. Hopefully, that time visiting their System relatives or whatever they were doing will have given them enough of a taste of the System to want to come back, fully persuaded in their own minds that the System is not the place for them.
41. However, even after just six weeks on their own in the System, we can be pretty sure that they'll need some spiritual cleansing and washing up, so we will need to require that they return on Babes status for three months. This would not be to punish or humiliate them, but would be to provide them with an opportunity to get strengthened and back in the Word and to renew their relationship with the Lord.
42. We don't want to judge them too harshly for their decision to leave. However, because they left their plow unattended in the field, they are obviously quite weak spiritually in the first place, and could therefore benefit from three months of being spiritually restrengthened. They would be freed of all of their previous responsibilities and wouldn't need to keep up with the current mailings, but could devote their time to getting back to the basics and being strengthened in the fundamentals of the Word, getting their questions answered and their doubts dispelled through the washing of the Word.
43. We shouldn't just completely cut them off if they leave. If they are truly God's sheep and they're truly Family material, and they come to their senses within six weeks and recognize that they've made a mistake, that the System is not where they want to be, and they want to turn around and come back, I don't think we should penalize them any further than putting them on Babes status. Of course, once they've been out of the Family for longer than that, then perhaps they should undergo a "trial period" which could be a time of evaluation in a strong Home where the Shepherds can assess them for a week or two, and where they can get a taste of DO Family life, where both we and they can make sure that they are up to the rigors of full-time discipleship before allowing them to move in again, lock, stock and barrel.
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