KEDA'S PENANCE!           DO 1740  3/84

         1. That kind of pride is something that some people get into that it seems like they'd almost rather die than give it up, & they'd do almost anything to defend it! If she's not really breaking, it's dangerous business! (Maria: She really did today though, when we talked to her, she really did! I mean, everybody felt that.) But then you get her before the people & just like Saul, Saul would break down & weep before the Prophet & he would break down & weep before David. But he could not stand to be embarrassed before the people!--1Sam.15:30.
         2. When God finally gets fed up with something, He really rubs their nose in it! We wouldn't have to make the rest of the Family suffer & me suffer too if we set Keda up in a room with talk tapes & videos during dinner. She's going to have to make restitution. Merely saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me!" is not enough! She needs discipline, punishment, chastisement, penance & to have to suffer for it for awhile! We'll give her exactly what she asked for, talks! Then I don't have to sit there & look at her vacant stare! I just dread seeing her because I know that Pentecostal-type of repentance, some big emotional display that will just sicken me! She can just go down & get her little plate & have one of the boys set her up with a video, & she can sit in another room & listen to the talks!--That's what she asked for!
         3. That would be the ideal punishment! That's what the Lord did time & again when He finally got fed up with Israel murmuring & asking for something they didn't have! Then He just let'm have it, & I mean He really let'm have it! He gave'm all they wanted until they glutted themselves till it killed them! That's exactly what the Lord does, He sends them the desires of their hearts & leanness to their souls!--Ps.106:15.
         4. Every now & then she suddenly comes to life & it's almost like the dawn, the break of sunrise, & her face lights up & she laughs & she's almost beautiful! And then so often she goes back to that blank, vacant stare! (Maria: She really is different now. The Lord's really delivered her. You can really see a difference.) Any spirit that really is oppressing you, when you get rid of it, it makes you different, right? I mean, it makes you even look different! I don't see how Christians, saved people, can have evil spirits, but I guess they just plague them. They don't totally possess them apparently. I guess if they just keep listening to the Devil & letting the camel's nose in, they can really be influenced.
         5. (Maria: The Lord impressed on me yesterday to pray for Keda FIRST before we talked to her & to get rid of that spirit that was hindering her, or she couldn't even receive what we were going to talk about. We laid hands on her & got rid of that oppressive spirit before we even talked.) You were obviously led right & it apparently did the trick. TTL!
         6. She's going to have to go through a course of [retraining] & it's not easy & it's not quick, & I think the best thing in the World for her to do is to have to sit up there & watch what she asked for, talks!--Not song tapes but just the talks.
         7. Anytime I was anywhere near her I felt like I was near something unclean! It must have been that spirit! (Maria: Yes.) Something in me would just rise up in revulsion and almost made me furious! You know how I've been about her ever since I can remember. That viewing my video talks is a happy medium between either me or her leaving! That solves the difficult situation, to sort of exile her. That's what the Russians do, internal exile they call it, with dissidents. They assign them to internal exile. I'll give her enough talks until she screams for mercy!
         8. We'll see if she can take the humbling. It's easier to make public confessions & all that stuff. Some people even like that. It's a continuation of the glory & the attention. But if she gets stuck away in a hole now with nothing but talks, let's see how much victory she's got. I mean it, I don't want to see her face until the Lord gives me the grace to forgive her or tolerate her!
         9. If I ever saw a deadpan, Keda's got a deadpan face! To try to imitate her expression, all I can think of is a blank stare, almost like looking in the face of a dead person with her eyes wide open, except when she reacts once in awhile about something & comes to life, then she can almost look radiant! But in-between times it's almost like the face of a mental case. (Maria: Well, I guess when you're oppressed by those spirits you get a bit weird.)
         10. How many people can you remember in the Old Testament who had a tremendous transformation & change? There were some dramatic conversions in the New Testament, of course. There was a big change in Peter after he received the Holy Spirit, & some of the other disciples had some rather remarkable changes.--And of course St. Paul, his Damascus Road experience turned him from a self-righteous, proud--I mean, that was his problem--persecutor to a preacher of the Gospel. But it seemed that you take some of the people who had been in the way for some time, like Peter who compromised & joined the Circumcision & had to be rebuked before all. (See Gal.2:11-15.) He never seemed to attain the same heights of leadership again, ever. He was never used like Paul, never wrote like Paul or guided the church like Paul. It seemed almost that he went downhill from the time when he & Paul had that confrontation, & it looks like the Lord anointed Paul instead of him to lead the church. It's almost like Peter missed the boat with his self-righteous circumcision, the legalists who said they were willing to believe in Jesus as long as they still kept the Law of Moses.
         11. If we'd agreed to receive their church circumcision & keep the Laws of Moses & the church, well, the churches might have been willing to tolerate us. But to go as far as we've gone, that's just absolutely intolerable! And that was in essence the spirit of her crack that night: All this foolishness & fun & dancing is fine, but we'd better have another talk, we'd better be a little more religious, a little more pious, have a little more sanctimoniousness, be a little more spiritual, not so carnal!
         12. She wanted to let me know that night that she hadn't forgotten to be spiritual in spite of all her antics & the dance, that she was still spiritual. She would still rather have a talk. "I'm not really this way, I really prefer talks." And I think it was an absolute lie! She was enjoying herself as much, if not more, than anybody! But see, even if they like it & they enjoy it, because of that rut of tradition that is ingrained in them, they have a guilt complex, & if they DO enjoy it they feel constantly GUILTY about it. Like my Mother used to say about things that were good to eat, she had a crack where she'd say, "It tastes so good it must be a sin!" That sums up the church attitude beautifully! Anything that's enjoyable, anything that's that much fun, anything that tastes that good, anything that is that great a pleasure, to them, they figure it must be a sin! So she just wanted to let me know that she knew better & that SHE would prefer a TALK! It was an absolute self-righteous display!
         13. So we'll let her have her talks while we have our fun! The rule will be that any night I'm going to go to dinner, she's to be away with her talks before I put in my appearance until I've gone. I don't want to see her face again until we know that she has really changed & stood the test. That will be her penance.
         14. Let's see if she can take the penance now. We have to often put people on probation to see if they really are sorry & really mean their repentance. Even the government does that, & God certainly did it plenty! So we'll put her [on] probation, with nothing but talks, & see how she gets along. What do you want to bet, if she lies down on that bed to watch'm, she's going to go to sleep! Poor woman!--She's so tired! (Maria: I don't know, I think she'd be in fear & trembling. Anyway, we can give her a chair to sit in. She doesn't have to lie down.)
         15. She has a hard enough time staying awake in my meetings when I do talk, she has a real struggle. She often can hardly hold her eyes open, & that's one time I've actually felt sorry for her. I even mentioned it, I think, in the meeting. She was one of the people that I made the cracks about: "I don't mind if you go to sleep, just so you keep your eyes open." I think I even said I don't even mind if you shut your eyes & take a catnap if you're that tired.
         16. I think those churchy sort of religionists really feel like they have to suffer to be spiritual! I think she thought perhaps she deserved to suffer a little bit, suffer some talks, in order to hang on to her spirituality. She was beginning to have too much fun & enjoy it too much. Whereas I think that the talks were almost a trial for her. I know she has a hard time staying awake. You can't kid me, I've watched people & audiences & classes too many years, & I know when people are tired & exhausted & can hardly hold their eyes open & their eyes keep shutting & they have to shake their heads to stay awake. Maybe she feels like she deserves that kind of torment & torture to earn her merit & her righteousness. GHH!


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