DIVORCE!--THE MARRIAGE REVOLUTION!                DFO 359                   11/75

         1. Every case has to be considered on its individual merits and the problems involved. The situation depends a great deal on the attitude of each of the two parties concerned. If either departs from the other, the remaining party is not bound to remain unmarried, according to the Scripture.--1Cor.7:15. Therefore in a case quite obviously where, because of the agreement of BOTH parties to be separated with the obvious intention of each to remarry, it amounts to an ipso facto divorce, to which in such a case the Scripture apparently consents by inference.
         2. The Lord is very reasonable & merciful & understanding & loving & kind, so that if two people simply do not want to live with each other HE does NOT make rules to FORCE them to do so as MAN does. He agrees to let them depart from each other if that's what they both want.
         3. Therefore, if it be with the consent of BOTH parties, it is possible & Scripturally permissable with the understanding of possible remarriage to someone else. However, if EITHER party OBJECTS to the divorce, it is strictly FORBIDDEN according to the Scriptures! It must be with MUTUAL CONSENT & UNCONTESTED, & it must be for the AGREED reason that neither cares to live with the other any longer.
         4. However, where children are involved, this should be avoided by all means if possible, unless there is a very good reason why the relationship is no longer good for the children themselves, where parental strife is a constant bad influence on the children or could even endanger their physical safety.
         5. Where such a union is therefore potentially injurious to the children concerned, certainly a separation would seem better, in which case the only fair settlement is a division of the children also between father & mother according to agreement. Of course, if either is an UNFIT parent for ANY child, to award a child to such an unfit parent would certainly not be advisable.
         6. In the case of a division of the children between two fit & agreeing parents, both the preference of the children & of each of the parents should be taken into consideration, & if possible an agreement should be reached between all in which both the parents & the children are as satisfied & as well cared for as possible.
         7. If the parties concerned find it impossible to reach an agreement between themselves, then third parties must be brought in for arbitration & enforced settlement, preferably their superiors & elders & leaders in the Lord. The Local Home Council in which they live should interview them, discuss their problems both together & separately & come to a united decision on what the Home thinks is best to be done if they are to remain within our Society.
         8. If either of those concerned objects to this decision, it could possibly be APPEALED to a higher authority of the next level or two, but certainly no further, except in possibly extreme or exceptional cases.
         9. If either still refuses to agree to the settlement, the disagreeing party can always DEPART as a BACKSLIDER with NONE of the children and seek SYSTEM legal assistance if they so desire, in which case the parents will be compelled to abide by the laws of the System of the country in which they both live, if they are both still living under its one legal jurisdiction.
         10. However, one country cannot enforce its laws on another country unless agreed upon by treaties or reciprocity & through the legal process of extradition, which can prove quite difficult & easily avoidable by simply moving to another country.
         11. So it would be far better for both parents & children that they agree to the settlement recommended by their Home & the officers under whose jurisdiction they live, rather than go to the extreme of leaving our Society to get their way by seeking assistance from the System & a court order to attempt to get it by FORCE of LAW.--1Cor.6:1-2.
         12. In our Society it is easier for a woman with children to live separately from her husband because she has the assistance of the Home in the care of both herself & her children if the Home so agrees. Even a man with children separated from his wife will receive assistance in the care of his children in our Homes if they so agree.
         13. So the economic problems of separate maintenance in our Society are almost non-existent compared to their severity in the System. However, for the sake of the psychological effects on the children of such a separation of a mother & father & the division of their small family unit, I would NOT advise it unless there is NO other solution & such a solution is AGREED upon by ALL concerned.
         14. As written before in "One Wife" & elsewhere, in OUR communal cooperative tribal form of Society, the larger Family unity comes first, and is far more important than the tiny private selfish family unit of two & their own children. So that which is best for the larger FAMILY is the primary consideration, & not merely the individuals involved.
         15. Each life affects many others in our form of Society & MUST be lived in harmony with OTHERS & cannot be lived selfishly & privately as they individually please, unless they wish to leave the Home & our Society. So settlement which is agreeable to all concerned, & particularly to the larger Family unit of the Home as a whole, is the most advisable & will undoubtedly be best for everyone concerned.
         16. We have found all too often that people who can't get along with their mates frequently can't get along with ANY mate! So often it is not a problem of difference in MATES, but the problem is in learning how to get along with ANYONE if necessary, particularly for your own sake, your children, the Home and the Revolution.
         17. Too often a mate is simply bored & wants a little variety or a change, but this is not a sufficient excuse for breaking up a marriage. The other mate may find it wise to LET the adventurer sample a little variety or change if he or she can find it, & may find they'll return home better satisfied with what they already HAVE, which is usually the case.
         18. The grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener, but usually only because of inaccessibility. A foray into other forage usually teaches us that the other field is no greener than our own. Our Homes offer infinite variety & adequate opportunity, so there should be no problem by ANYONE in finding something for EVERYONE!
         19. Some people seem to have forgotten all about something called love, REAL love, which can survive almost ANY difficulties, differences, weaknesses, shortcomings, failures, faults, sins or obstacles. If you want to leave your mate simply because there is something about them you don't LIKE, you're going to want to leave EVERY mate you ever get, because there is bound to be something you don't like about EACH ONE!
         20. The absolutely perfect mate simply does not exist or they wouldn't be human, & too often what these particular perfectionists don't realise is that they themselves are not without their serious faults & obnoxious habits & unpleasant idiosyncracies which are going to annoy WHOEVER they live with.
         21. For God's sake, don't go around busting up other people's marriages just to satisfy your own lusts or just because you can't understand what they see in each other!--OR because you want to justify your OWN broken marriage!
         22. You may wind up with a bunch of broken marriages on your hands & a lot MORE unhappiness than if you'd just left them alone to scrap it out between themselves & be strengthened by the experience of being able to overcome their own difficulties. If THEY'RE not complaining, why should YOU be? Keep your long nose out of other people's business!
         23. And you little hot pants who are always running off & leaving your little Nobody Mate & going into heat over some big shot may find that your jumping in & out of bed with Mr. Big Wheel may amuse him for a while, but he'll eventually leave you behind with Mr. Nobody again, & you're only the worse for WEAR!
         24. And you leaders who fall prey to the willing wiles of such willy-nilly little rascals may wind up with your fingers burned for your trouble!
         25. Some people just don't try hard enough or give God a chance. That weak wife, Brother, ought to bring out the protective instinct in you or may be God's way of teaching you love, patience and mercy.--And that weak husband, Sister, may be just what you need to bring out the strong motherly instinct in you that'll make you a good leader & keep you both closer to the Lord!
         26. For God's sake, don't try to have two very strong leaders in the same family if possible, or they may simply tear it apart!--SOMEBODY'S got to be the FOLLOWER!--Are YOU willing? If NOT, ask God to give you the grace to BE willing to be MADE willing & try your BEST to make it work, or you may find you've simply jumped from the frying pan into the FIRE!
         27. Just remember that "With God NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE", & "ALL things are possible to him that BELIEVETH", & you "can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth you" with enough supernatural divine love for ANYBODY!--Lk.1:37; Mk.9:23; Ph.4:13.
         28. Just let me warn you that any such excursions which affect children or result in a CHILD or a BROKEN MARRIAGE & a DESERTED MATE are going to be strictly dealt with by us! Your position in the Family will be at stake!
         29. If that mate "be pleased to dwell with thee" & your children (1Cor.7:12-13), you'd better stick with them or you're going to hear from us!--And if that mate wants to stick to YOU no matter HOW many you add to your harem, you'd better STICK IT OUT--no matter HOW much you have to stick it out!
         30. We still believe in marriage and children and families and you're gonna be stuck with a bigger one than you may have expected if you don't look out!--And we're gonna make you STICK WITH'M if you stick with US!--Especially if CHILDREN are involved.
         31. Of course, if you wanna desert them all and take off for parts unknown OUT of the Family, we'll be glad to have them & help them find a mate & a parent that deserves them more than YOU!
         32. And you may wake up too late & find someone else has taken your place!--Like the sad old song: "Somebody else has taken my place!--Somebody else now shares your embrace!" Divorcees Anonymous recommends: "Don't DO it!--You'll be SORRY!" STICK to your MATE!--Or TOO LATE may be YOUR fate!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family