FAMILY UPDATE NEWS #19 -- APRIL, 1994. DO
"And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given us the ministry of reconciliation" (2Cor.5:18).
April, 1994, Home Services, Zurich, Switzerland.
(Dear Home Teamworkers, GBY! This FUN contains some very timely information concerning new policies and procedures. Please read it in a united adult/YA/Sr. teen meeting or make sure that all Members of your Home, ages 16 and up, read this within one week of receiving it. Selected portions may be shared with children younger than 16 at the discretion of their teachers, parents or Shepherds. Thanks! GBY!)
New Direction and Counsel Regarding TRF Supporters (TSers) as Well as Former Members!--By WS Staff.
GBY and greetings in Jesus' Name! We love you and rejoice when we hear of the many victories being won in these exciting Last Days!
This FUN is to inform you of some very inspiring developments and to give you a sneak preview of some changes of Family policy concerning contact with TSers as well as former Family Members. We will not attempt to address all aspects of these changes in this publication, as there are a number of details that are still being prayed about.
However, rather than wait until every detail is ironed out, Dad and Mama suggested that we send out this special FUN which will update you on recent events and enable us as a Family to all speak the same thing. WS is working on more detailed articles which we hope to get to you shortly, but in the meantime, we pray that this FUN will be a help and inspiration to you.
As some of you may know, for the last two years or so the DO Family in several areas has been having increased contact with TSers. Many TSers have publicly defended the Family during persecution in several countries. In Argentina our dear TSers helped house, clothe and feed DO Family members, as well as visit and care for the brethren who were in prison. In other areas, TSers have organized fellowships which have been attended by DO Family representatives. By and large, such contact with TSers has borne good fruit! PTL!
For the past few months Dad and Mama, in consultation with WS staff and the CROs, have been prayerfully reassessing some of our policies concerning TSers. The existing guidelines have accomplished their purpose during the last four years that the TS programme has been in effect. However, it seems that the time has now come to relax some policies, specifically concerning the amount of interaction that TSers may have with the DO Family. It's a rather complex issue, so please pray that the changes can be finalised and published as soon as possible!
Coupled with this closer link with the TS Family, the Lord also engineered a situation in the U.S. to encourage us that a number of ex-Family members could also benefit from more contact with us. These truly miraculous events took place in California in the last few months of 1993.
As has already been briefly reported, in mid-September, 1993, Bithia Sherman telephoned the Family in Los Angeles, asking if they could meet with her to discuss a "truce". At the time, Bithia was considered one of the Family's most active detractors, & rightfully so, as she had been intricately involved in initiating the persecution against us in a number of countries.
At first, the local Family was understandably sceptical. However, after prayer and counsel, they decided to give Bithia the benefit of the doubt and meet with her. The results of that encounter and subsequent meetings were nothing short of miraculous! Bithia, who was very convicted about the suffering and incarceration experienced by the Family in France and Argentina, and the part she had played in causing it, has had a complete change of heart and is now a very close friend of the Family! She recently testified on behalf of the Family in Pearl's court case in London, God bless her!
Needless to say, this radical Paul-like conversion of Bithia has caused no small stir amongst our enemies, who are now viciously persecuting her. In particular, Deb and Bill Davis, as well as Samuel Ajemian, seem intent on doing all they can to destroy her. Please keep her in your prayers!
Rather than try to explain all that Bithia went through, we are including the following Open Letter which she wrote to the readers of the "No Longer Children" (NLC) newsletter. This was recently printed along with an Open Letter from the Family & the Hiebert's account of their own visit with the Family in California, as explained below.
(NLC is based in Canada and bills itself as a "support group" for ex-Members. It was started by two former Family Members, Dave and Mary Hiebert [Bible names Zebedee and Zorah Rabbit, "the Zees"] who left the Family in the mid-eighties, and from what we understand, have been publicly very critical of Dad and our beliefs ever since. About five years ago they organized NLC and started publishing their newsletter, which has been very cynical and antagonistic towards the Family.
(NLC maintains contact with a number of anti-"cult" groups. They have promoted anti-"cult" books by deprogrammers such as Steve Hassan. The Cult Awareness Network has been known to refer queries about the Family to NLC. The Hieberts have also published a number of Rick Dupuy's [Watchman] and Ed Priebe's [Hart] writings which bitterly attack Dad and the Family.
(According to Ed Priebe's logs, the Hieberts assisted Priebe in denouncing the Family to the Shukan Bunshun, the Japanese magazine which has relentlessly persecuted the Family. They also spoke out against the Family to the media following the Argentine raids. Much of their primary readership seems to be ex-Members who are hostile toward the Family. We therefore see it as a significant turn of events that they would publish Bithia's story in their newsletter, along with an Open Letter from the Family. PTL!)
Following is the text of Bithia's letter, as it appeared in the most recent edition of the NLC newsletter, published in March, 1994.
EX-MEMBER DESCRIBES HER RECONCILIATION WITH THE FAMILY
From Bithia Sherman; California, U.S.A: (picture of Bithia)
I had been an activist against the Family for the past several years. My children repeatedly begged me to stop, I witnessed the media exploiting me as well as other ex-Members and I became aware of how my own actions cast loved ones into prison, yet none of these events were enough to stop my crusade. Then something happened which I can only describe as a supernatural awakening. It led me to the realization that my campaign to save the children and those I supposed were being abused in the group was, in fact, hurting the very children I had hoped to help.
It was with a heavy heart, therefore, that I approached the Family in mid-September 1993 and asked if they would negotiate a truce. This was the first of many meetings and visits to the Family communities. I discovered that the Family of 1993 was far different than the Family I left in 1984. It was a healthy change that I was unprepared for. I also found that there truly is no child abuse or FFing going on in the Family.
For my part, I felt the Family needed to understand the pain and loss that many former members and relatives experience being separated from their loved ones. They were very open to my views and we began working together to bring about a very important change that they acknowledge was needed. They asked me for my counsel and help in reuniting broken families and repairing estranged relationships, forging a sword into a plowshare that breaks fresh ground and brings healing and reconciliation. I can only encourage you that what I have experienced is genuine and is producing wonderful results, contrary to my former actions. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or I can possibly be of assistance.--Bithia.
*****
What a wonderful testimony of how the Lord can miraculously change lives! PTL!
Following her change of heart, Bithia (whose Bible name is now Paula) began encouraging other former Family Members who had hard feelings towards the Family to meet and reconcile with us. So far, the results appear to be promising. Family Members in different parts of the U.S. have had meetings with various ex-Members.
Among those Paula (previously Bithia) contacted were Dave and Mary Lou Hiebert. Paula invited the Hieberts to visit her in California so that she could explain her change of heart firsthand. The Family leadership in California also invited them to a couple of Homes, to see for themselves what we are like today. This visit took place in mid-November, 1993.
The Hieberts still strongly disagree with many former and current practices and beliefs of the Family. But in spite of this, they acknowledged that the visit was a success in that it established a line of communication. They have expressed a burden to help estranged relatives get in touch with Family Members. They have also indicated a willingness to help put former Members in contact with the Family so that hopefully any bitternesses or hard feelings about the past could be reconciled.
The Hieberts suggested that Bithia write the above letter for the NLC newsletter, explaining her new attitude towards us. They also asked the Family to write a short Open Letter explaining how we feel the Lord is leading us to communicate more with ex-Members.
Following is the text of the Open Letter from The Family which appeared in the recent NLC newsletter along with Paula's letter. (You will note that the Open Letter is somewhat short and formal, partly because space in the newsletter was limited, and many of the NLC readers have had a somewhat sceptical or antagonistic attitude towards the Family.)
*****
AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE FAMILY
February, 1994
Greetings in Jesus' Name! We hope this letter finds you and your family in good health.
You're probably surprised to see a letter from us in the "No Longer Children" newsletter. Well, we're also somewhat surprised to find ourselves writing it! We're very grateful to Dave and Mary Lou for giving us this opportunity to communicate with you. The fact that this letter is appearing here testifies to some rather amazing developments that have taken place in the last few months.
With these developments we have learned a number of important lessons. Some of the most unexpected have resulted from our recent reconciliation with Bithia Sherman. It has truly been a manifestation of Ephesians 2:14: "For He [Jesus] is our peace, Who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us."
While Bithia has admitted she was misguided in some things, she has also helped highlight areas where we have fallen short. She has shown us that the Family as a whole has been quite ignorant of the feelings and needs of many former members. This has caused a lot of hurt, misunderstandings and animosity. Specifically she has expressed that:
* Many former Children of God/Family members would like to have some sort of contact and dialogue with the Family without feeling any pressure to rejoin, yet the Family has not provided this.
* Some former members feel that the Family has ostracized, condemned and abandoned them.
* Some former members wish to air grievances about their time in the Family. We have not really given them an opportunity to do so. Because of this, they have sometimes attacked us in the media. Many have found this to be a negative experience, as the media has frequently misquoted and manipulated them.
Although much of what Bithia said was true, we have been encouraged to realise that the situation can be improved. So with this in mind, we'd like to express the following:
* We apologise and ask forgiveness from those of you who have been hurt by the unloving conduct of any past or present Family members. We're sure a lot of problems could have been avoided had those involved acted in a wiser, more loving manner.
* We would like to see improved relations, where possible, between former members and the Family. From now on, we will try to make ourselves available to those of you who sincerely wish to renew friendly contact with the Family. We're happy to come to a mutual agreement with you as to the degree and nature of any such contact or fellowship.
* We would like to reconcile. We don't believe that anyone is going to benefit from continued bitterness, animosity or confrontation. If you were hurt during your time in the Family, we'd like to at least talk with you about it, apologise where needed, and see if there is any way we can help undo the damage and heal the pain.
* We reassure you that our aim is not to pressure you to rejoin or support the Family. We are happy to accept you with no obligation on your part.
* We do not seek to change your present beliefs. Most of you have changed a lot since you left the Family, and we respect the choices you have made. The Family is currently in contact with many individuals who have vastly differing views on life, and we are learning to get along fine. As long as there are some things we can agree on, then we're happy to agree to disagree on other matters.
* If you would like to make friendly contact with a relative who you believe is presently in our movement, The Family will attempt to facilitate this by including a notice to that effect in our regular internal newsletter which is distributed to all members. Please understand, though, that we cannot assume responsibility in these matters beyond circulating such requests.
The decision on whether to reply to your inquiries or not will of course rest solely with the individual involved. Similarly, the extent of any subsequent communications will have to be determined by those directly involved. It is not our policy to either persuade or dissuade members from having contact with their relatives. Each member is free to decide for themselves the degree of contact that they wish to maintain.
When sending us any such inquiries, please include the individual's legal and Bible name (if known), last known address or location, and any other information that might be helpful. Thanks!
We have much more we would like to share with you. Please feel free to contact us if you feel it would in any way be beneficial. It would be nice to have better communications, and we will do our part to make it happen.
God bless you!
Yours sincerely,
Eden
for the Family.
P.S.: If you are within the U.S. or certain parts of Canada, please call us at our toll free number: 1-800-4-A-FAMILY. We can also be reached at the following address:
The Family,
14118 Whittier Blvd.
Suite 116,
Whittier, California 90605
U.S.A.
*****
So as you can see, not only are our policies concerning TSers being reassessed, but we are also considering further dialogue with ex-Members, where this would seem fruitful.
As we mentioned earlier, Dad and Mama are presently counselling with Family leadership about these various matters. We hope to shortly publish new guidelines, tips, advice and testimonies for those who will be fellowshipping closely with TSers, as well as meeting with former Members. In the meantime, we hope that the following guidelines will be a help in any interactions that your Home may have with TSers, and/or ex-Members.
>> You may wonder why ex-Members were officially addressed in an Open Letter before either you, the DO Family, or our TSers, were notified that this dialogue was taking place. We would have preferred to formally address our TSers first as to these new changes taking place, as they are certainly more deserving to be kept up-to-date on Family policy than ex-Family Members. However, the Hieberts offered us the opportunity to address ex-Members via their newsletter and we felt it was important to do so while the opportunity presented itself. (Meanwhile, a letter to the TSers is in the works which will explain the various developments and changes in policy.)
So although the above Open Letter, and to a certain extent this FUN, largely address the issue of relations with ex-Members, we want to make it clear that if it comes to a choice between fellowshipping with our TSers or ex-Members, that we would generally consider strengthening our TS Family a better investment of your time & energies. The reason is simple: Most TSers have remained much more faithful to the Family than the vast majority of ex-Members, and they have also helped with financial support, as well as distributing lit and tapes. TSers may have their problems, and may not be cut out for a DO lifestyle, but we should never forget their ongoing faithfulness in serving the Lord, & the fact that they do love and want to remain affiliated with the Family. In both the Lord's and the Family's eyes, there is therefore a big difference between most TSers and ex-Members. So if you have any contact with any TSers, we trust that you'll be as loving and helpful as circumstances permit!
>> According to guidelines established at the time the TS program was undertaken, Family members were discouraged from initiating contact with a TSer without permission from a NAS. This restriction is hereby lifted. However, we do recommend that you counsel with your Home's Teamwork about any such contact.
>> A great deal of prayer and counsel went into the Open Letter that was written for NLC. We are aware that some ex-Members will consider it to be a de facto policy statement. We imagine that some ex-members will "test" us to see if we really mean what we say.
We affirm that this letter accurately reflects the new attitude which we are encouraging. Please study it carefully and do your best to represent the Family accordingly.
>> Since a longer, more explanatory "Open Letter to ex-Members" is also being written and will soon be available for distribution, we request that you do not widely distribute this above Open Letter. We feel it is unnecessarily formal and dry for the majority of former Family Members, especially all of those who are not sceptical or antagonistic. However, if there is a specific situation where you feel it would be beneficial to give this version out on an individual basis, you may do so if your Home Teamwork agrees.
>> Until you receive further counsel either from WS or your Area Shepherds, we suggest that your interaction with TSers and ex-Members be limited to those you meet in the course of your normal activities. It is not necessary, nor even desirable at this point, for each Home to immediately seek out every TSer and former Member that they know.
(The exceptions to this are the Areas where regular fellowship with TSers or ex-Members has already begun. We of course hope that those involved will continue with this, as the Lord leads.)
>> Please keep your Area Shepherds updated on any new contacts with TSers or former Members, so that you can all speak the same thing and act in prayerful counsel together. Your Area Shepherds will undoubtedly be able to help you with valuable advice.
>> In all your interactions, remember that "love never fails!" As Dad exhorted us over 20 years ago, "Love conquers all, and to win some you must be winsome and willing to become all things to all men that ye might win some! Love loves the unlovely, and casts a veil over countless sins!... His Love can love anybody, even your enemies! Love begets love, and we love Him because He first loved us! Ask God to help you love them with His Love, which passeth all understanding! Love is not blind--it has an extra spiritual eye which sees the good and possibilities that others cannot see!... Love, and you can't lose--for love never fails! Do you want the key to every heart?--Try love!--It never fails because God is Love, and it's impossible for Him to fail!" (ML#151:10-12, DB4.)
>> Whoever interacts with former Members should be as diplomatic, prayerful, humble, patient, loving, longsuffering and understanding as possible. It would be better that you don't have contact with them at all rather than do so in the wrong spirit.
>> Conducting a dialogue with former Members probably means listening to some grievances, doubts, bitternesses, etc. This is understandable, and it is important that we listen and give them a chance to "get it all out," express sympathy for them, apologize if appropriate, and see if there is anything we can do to help them. We all appreciate a listening ear, and sometimes just getting our trials out can make a big difference!
However, one risk involved in such dialogue and consequent apologies that ex-Members may demand, is that we can end up apologizing for our very existence! Sad to say, some bitter souls will only be happy with that! So each Family Member involved in any dialogue with ex-Members has to determine in their own mind what we are genuinely sorry for, and what we are not. We are sorry that anyone suffered because of the unloving conduct of some Family Members, but we are not going to apologize for basic Family doctrines and policies, the truths and foundations that the Family stands on.
>> When meeting with former Members for the first time, it is important to be extremely prayerful about what you say. As much as we want to open lines of communication with ex-Members, there is always the chance that some will pretend to be friendly in order to trap us in our words or extract confidential information (See Luk.11:54.). Be very circumspect as you talk. In fact, it may be beneficial to assume that your conversation is being recorded. Nevertheless, try to be friendly, forthright and winsome.
>> While we do want to make it easier for sincere former Members to have contact with us, we also realise that some antagonistic detractors may try to infiltrate us, as wolves in sheep's clothing.
Family policy towards our hard core detractors has not changed. So if Sam Ajemian, Ed Priebe, Rick Dupuy, Miriam Padilla, Dan Welsh or other self-proclaimed enemies of our Work come to your door, waving the Open Letter and demanding fellowship, you should "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them! Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the Devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. Be wise as serpents, but harmless as doves." (Eph.5:11; 1Pet.5:8; Mat.10:16.)--And "Beware of dogs!" (Phil.3:2.)
If you have any doubt about the sincerity of ex-Members, we suggest that you politely delay contact with them until you can counsel with your Area Shepherds.
>> The Open Letter that appeared in the NLC newsletter reads in part, "From now on, we will try to make ourselves available to those of you who sincerely wish to renew friendly contact with the Family. We're happy to come to a mutual agreement with you as to the degree and nature of any such contact or fellowship."
We emphasize that any interaction that you have with former Members or TSers has to be on mutually agreeable terms. This means that you, as well as they, have to be happy with any arrangements. You are under no obligation to do anything that you do not have the faith for. Or, if you feel that your Home is just not able to spare the necessary time and personnel to meet and dialogue with former Members, this is also your prerogative.
>> If you meet with former Members, or even TSers for that matter, it would probably be best to first do so in a neutral, public venue, so that you can get to know each other. Once you are persuaded of their sincerity, you can consider having them visit your Home. Such a visit may be just what they need, but the timing is up to you. Be wary of anyone who pressures you to let them visit your Home. You are under no obligation to do so.
>> You will also see in this Open Letter that we are offering to help put outside relatives in touch with Family Members. We will publish such requests in the FUN. For those of you whose relatives may inquire after you in such a manner, we'd like to emphasize a few points:
It is entirely up to you as to whether you get in contact with these relatives or not. By publishing such requests, we do not infer that you are required to do so. We are simply providing a service for those who request it. You may have very valid personal reasons for not wishing to contact certain antagonistic relatives. It is a personal decision that you will have to make, depending on your specific situation and what you have the faith for.
Please also keep in mind that the Family in California cannot act as a go-between in these matters. So if you do enter into contact with relatives that enquire after you, please contact them directly.
*****
We hope that this news has been an inspiration and that the basic counsel we've shared will help you in any immediate interactions you may have with our TS Family, and/or former Members. Of course, the most important advice that we can offer is to pray desperately and seek the Lord every step of the way. We are encouraged that He has done so many miracles already in leading the way and changing hearts and lives, and we believe He has much more in store as we do our part! "And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, `This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left'" (Isaiah 30:21).
Lastly, please pray for those involved in formulating the details of our new policy guidelines regarding TSers & former Members, & that these can be finalized & out to you as soon as possible!
Much love always,
Your WS Co-Workers in the Lord.
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family